Should I ask him to spend more? And how???

[KristyDarling]

....and whenever I see Storm and Mara suiting up again, I bust out my popcorn.

 

[monarch64]

Winternight, I hope you are able to work this out with your FI/BF and get the ring of your dreams! Don''t worry about naysayers...you deserve whatever your heart desires!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/15/2006 2:02:32 AM
Author: Adylon
It''s like 2 employees that want a raise. Employee #1 just goes straight to her boss and asks for a raise, laying out all her arguements why she feels she is entitled to one. Employee #2 finds out what she needs to do to get the raise and does it, and if she can do so without even asking him, even better. If you were the boss, which employee would you give the raise too?

Even this EXAMPLE is casually sexist in tone. She''s the employee I suppose? He''s the Boss?

What about a DIFFERENT boss who has two employeess ... one who brings in $6000 worth of business to the company and one who brings in $10,000 worth of business. Which should he LAYOFF?

And, yes, I''m kidding. My example is a PARODY of his.

 

[winternight]

Date: 11/15/2006 1:57:52 AM
Author: strmrdr

Date: 11/15/2006 1:52:11 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 11/15/2006 1:47:47 AM
Author: strmrdr
interesting that 90% of the people saying go for it are Ladies and 90% saying no way are guys.

Think about that, you willing to get told to hit the road over it?

Well it speaks VOLUMES that you''d rather tell your true love to ''hit the road'' than have a mature, two-way, mutually respectful discussion about the topic.

No,

It means id never marry a materialistic gal.
And there are a lot of guys out there that feel the same.

.....................
As far as going online for a better deal goes thats good advice.

LMAO. He knows what he''s getting into, he''s seen the Prada. He''s also going to be seeing a new exciting tax bracket with our combined incomes so I doubt its a major concern that I like some nice things.

I''ve noticed that my friends who married when they were younger tend to be ok with whatever ring or even drop the ring budget in favor of the wedding party budget. On the other hand, the women who I know who were married older, as professionals, tend to have expectations - GASP - regarding the ring probably because they''re used to buying big ticket items for themselves - GASP. I find it interesting how unsettleing this some men.

 

[Mara]

Date: 11/15/2006 2:17:02 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 11/15/2006 2:02:32 AM
Author: Adylon
It's like 2 employees that want a raise. Employee #1 just goes straight to her boss and asks for a raise, laying out all her arguements why she feels she is entitled to one. Employee #2 finds out what she needs to do to get the raise and does it, and if she can do so without even asking him, even better. If you were the boss, which employee would you give the raise too?

Even this EXAMPLE is casually sexist in tone. She's the employee I suppose? He's the Boss?

What about a DIFFERENT boss who has two employeess ... one who brings in $6000 worth of business to the company and one who brings in $10,000 worth of business. Which should he LAYOFF?

And, yes, I'm kidding. My example is a PARODY of his.

okay so i know it's time for bed when i find myself thinking of how to adapt the example up above into lemon vs kiwi pie. yes. bed. 'purse'.

 

[winternight]

Date: 11/15/2006 2:18:27 AM
Author: Mara

Date: 11/15/2006 2:17:02 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 11/15/2006 2:02:32 AM
Author: Adylon
It''s like 2 employees that want a raise. Employee #1 just goes straight to her boss and asks for a raise, laying out all her arguements why she feels she is entitled to one. Employee #2 finds out what she needs to do to get the raise and does it, and if she can do so without even asking him, even better. If you were the boss, which employee would you give the raise too?

Even this EXAMPLE is casually sexist in tone. She''s the employee I suppose? He''s the Boss?

What about a DIFFERENT boss who has two employeess ... one who brings in $6000 worth of business to the company and one who brings in $10,000 worth of business. Which should he LAYOFF?

And, yes, I''m kidding. My example is a PARODY of his.

okay so i know it''s time for bed when i find myself thinking of how to adapt the example up above into lemon vs kiwi pie. yes. bed. ''purse''.

Now I''m really laughing. OMG, I was employee #1 with my new job. I just went to them and negotiated a higher salary before I started. Sitting around hoping someone gives you a raise magically hasn''t worked in my experience. What''s the problem with just saying why you should get it? Btw. after I did that I helped my fiance do the same with his job offer.

Wait am I the boss in that scenerio? Haha, I think he should magically intuit what I want because I don''t know other than I would like more financial wiggle room - I think.

 

[winternight]

Date: 11/15/2006 2:03:36 AM
Author: KristyDarling
Winternight, you''ve been given some great advice and please do NOT feel bad about opening up a dialogue with your BF about the ring. It just sounds like you two reeeeally need to talk about it....that''s all. My guess is you''ve never really told him how meaningful this ring is to you, and how much you appreciate a high-quality piece of jewelry. I have a feeling he''ll understand. Go for it!

I''m tired of the old-fashioned attitude of men as givers and women as receivers....that women should just be grateful for whatever they''re given, period. A lot of men don''t ''get'' that we women want to LOVE our ring....YES we understand that it''s the love and the relationship that counts most (duh! like we need someone to tell us that)....YES we understand that the size of the diamond is not correlated with how much he loves her. But here''s the thing: some women like small and dainty, others like large and blingy. NEITHER IS BETTER THAN THE OTHER. It''s just an aesthetic, that is all. If a woman wants her financially strapped BF to buy her a 20K ring, then yes she needs to lower expectations and maybe look into a vendor with a great upgrade policy (there''s always 5th, 10th, 20th anniversaries). BUT....if a couple are both good earners with a bright financial future ahead, there is absolutely no reason why she can''t let her BF know exactly what she wants. It''s all about *being reasonable within your means.* And that is Winternight. She does not strike me as princessy at all. Not one bit.

And kudos to you, Winter, for remaining classy and polite even when others are not.

You are a better woman than I, that''s fer sure!

Thanks! I think I''ve lost my politeness lately. Alas.

Seriously, its not like I''m going for the two month pseudo-rule, haha, perhaps I''ll point that out.

Very interesting gender issues. What about poor me having to co-pay for a wedding ceremony because my fiance wants one, where is my sympathy from the guys who are all upset about him paying for a ring??? What if I just want to elope and that''s my budget? Do I have to give in to an actually reception? Should we talk about it - as he has been telling me he wants one - or should I tell him to hit the road for being materialistic and showy, after all I don''t care what people think about us not being traditional and throwing a party.

 

[Adylon]

Date: 11/15/2006 2:17:02 AM
Author: decodelighted

Even this EXAMPLE is casually sexist in tone. She's the employee I suppose? He's the Boss?

I don't make the rules, the man buys the woman the ring. That's why the "boss" was male and the "employee" female in my example, sorry if this offends you...

What about a DIFFERENT boss who has two employeess ... one who brings in $6000 worth of business to the company and one who brings in $10,000 worth of business. Which should he LAYOFF?

And, yes, I'm kidding. My example is a PARODY of his.

I'd layoff the uglier of the two, even if it meant losing $4k/mo in gross revenue.

And yes that is a parody of your parody I'm just digging myself in a bigger hole, aren't I? Can't we all just get along? Why does this have to be such a politically correct world? I still think the poster should find out why the budget is what it is before trying to up the $$$. If he drives a ferrari and didn't buy me a 3 carat rock I'd be pissed off too.

Maybe he drives a toyota tercel and is just very frugal with his money which explains his large savings account and good fiscal standing. Maybe he wants to have 10 kids and get them all to graduate harvard and become lawyers too.

 

[KristyDarling]

Date: 11/15/2006 2:31:53 AM
Author: winternight

Date: 11/15/2006 2:03:36 AM
Seriously, its not like I'm going for the two month pseudo-rule, haha, perhaps I'll point that out.

Very interesting gender issues. What about poor me having to co-pay for a wedding ceremony because my fiance wants one, where is my sympathy from the guys who are all upset about him paying for a ring??? What if I just want to elope and that's my budget? Do I have to give in to an actually reception? Should we talk about it - as he has been telling me he wants one - or should I tell him to hit the road for being materialistic and showy, after all I don't care what people think about us not being traditional and throwing a party.

BINGO!!!!

Fair is fair.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/15/2006 2:31:53 AM
Author: winternight

Date: 11/15/2006 2:03:36 AM
Author: KristyDarling
I''m tired of the old-fashioned attitude of men as givers and women as receivers....that women should just be grateful for whatever they''re given, period.

What about poor me having to co-pay for a wedding ceremony because my fiance wants one, where is my sympathy???

What if I just want to elope and that''s my budget? Do I have to give in to a reception - as he has been telling me he wants one - or should I tell him to hit the road for being materialistic and showy

Whew! Shoulda known you are well-equipped to argue in your own defense!

 

[winternight]

Date: 11/15/2006 2:02:32 AM
Author: Adylon


I hope you can see my point however. It''s like 2 employees that want a raise. Employee #1 just goes straight to her boss and asks for a raise, laying out all her arguements why she feels she is entitled to one. Employee #2 finds out what she needs to do to get the raise and does it, and if she can do so without even asking him, even better.

If you were the boss, which employee would you give the raise too?

Like I said I think you need to determine why he set the budget where he has before you decide to ask for a bigger budget.

Even if I was a billionaire, I would never give my fiance anything bigger then 1.5cts. Because I would want her to wear it everyday, and without fear of losing it, getting robbed, etc.

Leaving aside the boss/raise analogy I''m sure that my fiance thinks that $6,000 will buy a nice ring from Tiffanys - I have no doubt that he was floored by the actual prices. I really, really doubt he did much more than look at the rings there and frankly I don''t know that he looked at prices, knowing him probably not because he seemed surprised. We went in there after he bought me a couple of silver things and I got a pair of gold earrings with diamonds which he had no idea weren''t that much because he never asked/looked in that section. I don''t even think he''s looked at the website.

He can easily pay cash for something around 10k, money isn''t tight at all, that isn''t the issue. The budget was probably just a number he made up or maybe someone said they spent about that.

I live in DC, lots of women will have better rings than that here, on the Metro, plus designer clothes/bags. Its similar to living in NYC. We can get insurance too, not a big deal. BEsides I''ll be adding some earrings and hopefully a diamond bracelet eventually.

 

[winternight]

Date: 11/15/2006 2:32:27 AM
Author: Adylon



I don''t make the rules, the man buys the woman the ring. That''s why the ''boss'' was male and the ''employee'' female in my example, sorry if this offends you...

I''d layoff the uglier of the two, even if it meant losing $4k/mo in gross revenue.

And yes that is a parody of your parody I''m just digging myself in a bigger hole, aren''t I? Can''t we all just get along? Why does this have to be such a politically correct world? I still think the poster should find out why the budget is what it is before trying to up the $$$. If he drives a ferrari and didn''t buy me a 3 carat rock I''d be pissed off too.

Maybe he drives a toyota tercel and is just very frugal with his money which explains his large savings account and good fiscal standing. Maybe he wants to have 10 kids and get them all to graduate harvard and become lawyers too.

Oh its just I''ve had some of the worst interviews as a female attorney - and don''t even get me into the new guy who keeps looking me up and down - EW! (Even my friend noticed it, ew he''s married, ew anyways).

Yeah he''s frugel about most things - not everything. But I don''t even have a car, I use the Metro! He picked Tiffany & Co., not I, although I''m not going to have to be dragged in there I just want to get something I love, love, love.

10 kids! OMG NO WAY!

 

[Adylon]

Well if he''s just clueless then have him brush up on the subject. Tell him "you want the ring to be special" and tell him to suprise you. That way he will have to learn, ask salespeople''s advice, ask your mother, your sister, whatever the case may be.

The clueless ones that just throw around money are the best customers a jeweler could ask for because sales are quick and simple and very profitable... but the girl he proposes to really doesn''t get the full meaning of the ring since he put little thought into it.

I had a customer buy a ring from me because he bought her a ring from costco (2 carats, D color VS1 for like $18,000) but when he showed her the receipt there was also chicken breast, deodorant, etc... and that pissed her off LOOOL. "Maybe I''ll just go to costco and get some chicken, deodorant, oh ya I gotta buy a stupid ring too..." LOOOOL .... So anyhow he came to me and asked me for some honest advice and wanted to really put some thought into it. In the end we made him a very nice ring and she was very happy with it.

Maybe tell your fiance this story and it will motivate him to put some effort and thought into the purchase. Good luck

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 11/15/2006 2:42:28 AM
Author: winternight

Date: 11/15/2006 2:02:32 AM
Author: Adylon


I hope you can see my point however. It''s like 2 employees that want a raise. Employee #1 just goes straight to her boss and asks for a raise, laying out all her arguements why she feels she is entitled to one. Employee #2 finds out what she needs to do to get the raise and does it, and if she can do so without even asking him, even better.

If you were the boss, which employee would you give the raise too?

Like I said I think you need to determine why he set the budget where he has before you decide to ask for a bigger budget.

Even if I was a billionaire, I would never give my fiance anything bigger then 1.5cts. Because I would want her to wear it everyday, and without fear of losing it, getting robbed, etc.

Leaving aside the boss/raise analogy I''m sure that my fiance thinks that $6,000 will buy a nice ring from Tiffanys - I have no doubt that he was floored by the actual prices. I really, really doubt he did much more than look at the rings there and frankly I don''t know that he looked at prices, knowing him probably not because he seemed surprised. We went in there after he bought me a couple of silver things and I got a pair of gold earrings with diamonds which he had no idea weren''t that much because he never asked/looked in that section. I don''t even think he''s looked at the website.

He can easily pay cash for something around 10k, money isn''t tight at all, that isn''t the issue. The budget was probably just a number he made up or maybe someone said they spent about that.

I live in DC, lots of women will have better rings than that here, on the Metro, plus designer clothes/bags. Its similar to living in NYC. We can get insurance too, not a big deal. BEsides I''ll be adding some earrings and hopefully a diamond bracelet eventually.

I really like your spirit. Also love that you have handled yourself with grace amongst some less than polite posters. I look forward to seeing what you guys decide upon, I''m sure whatever it is, it will be gorgeous!!!
Nighty night!!

 

[diamondfan]

But was the Costco ring nice?!

Winter, I am not passing judgement on you, I wear a larger stone and I do have a lot of other things that I like to spend money on, things many would view as frivolous. I am weighing in here because I believe communicating your needs wants and desires is critical, whether it be this important item, or where to vacation and whose house you will be at for Xmas this year...Truly if you can afford it (or he can, more like it) and you can educate him along the way, I say get you want and be really happy! I never thought to be really specific about what I wanted in an ering and I lived with something I really did not like at all for ten years. Have upgraded twice since then, both from Tiffany''s so I assure you I have no bone to pick with Tiffany''s and I think you deserve a ring you will be proud to show off. Some people have a real issue where money is concerned and might be putting personal elements into posting about YOU. Of course, we all do that, it is human nature to sift things through a filter that makes sense to us, but yet, I think the bigger picture is missed by generalizing about you or your guy. Please report back that you had a great shopping experience!

 

[nespa]

ok, i thought i was ready to put these threads to rest / get them out of my mind and then someone pulls the costco thing out... ok, for THAT i am humbled and salute you quietly (especially since my girlfriend''s in the other room & i can''t salute loudly).

anyway - let''s get some points straight & get them out of the way right now -- i''ll fire off some TOP 10 RULES FOR WOMEN to leave all of you something to think about (and to demonstrate how tired i am).

if we all just lived this way life would be so much better!

TOP 10 RULES FOR WOMEN___________________

10) no making more of the money than the mens. (filed under "bring home less bacon please")


9) no making up your own mind. if your man is not present, find a suitable man nearby & kindly ask him to make it up for you.


anything prefixed by BUD is filed under NOT FOR YOU:

BUDget
BUDweiser
BUDdy system
BUD as in "ombudsman" << like anyone should ever use such a word! so corny i let it slide WITHOUT the bud prefix!


7) no voting. we mean it this time! (last time it simply didn''t "stick")

6) no driving better cars than us. in fact, just don''t drive. it''s women drivers that are the problem with this country. drug use, teen pregnancy, helping kids attend the war, etc. all take a backseat to the TRUE tragedy within this country and that tragedy is "women drivers" (sometimes misspelled as "woman drivers" which is kinda funny because then i can''t get driving miss daisy out of my head.)

5) ok, now that we''re on the topic, NO VIEWING OF MOVIES WITH MORGAN FREEMAN in them.

...just because


4) no internet use -- seriously, if you can''t vote, how can we trust you to be on the internet & privy to worldly issues and candidate discussions & all that? << i better see no posts replying to this or else!


3) no talking to men in public... you always try to talk to us in public & make us look stupid... better keep silent & then no threat is posed.


2) no asking stupid questions like "when you coming home, kfed?" i''m going to be home when i GETS home...



wait, that one was britney-specific



and #1

1) no paying of the rents. if you pay the rent, you can ask me to shut off the game, put down my beer or put on boxer shorts. and that''s just not kosher.

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 11/14/2006 10:29:44 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 11/14/2006 8:30:19 PM
Author: ladykemma
lojack, they both earn in the six figures. 5000 is almost embarrassing cheap.

Like Mara, I find this to be an alarmingly ridiculous assertion.

Most of the time you're right on, LK, but on this one, gotta disagree.

How much a person makes is only part of any equation, and not even a significant part at that. Too many folks have been buying into the 'size equals how much he loves you' notion. Ridiculous. DeBeers certainly has done its job well, hasn't it?

If I won a lottery, I could afford to buy a mansion. I could likely afford to buy a ridiculous expensive car, too. Should I then feel OBLIGATED to buy a mansion or an outrageously overpriced car if don't value them? No.

My husband makes really good money.....and so do I. By your parameters, our purchase would be considered cheap. But you know what? Both my husband and I have each been in tight financial circumstances in our 'salad' days (before we knew each other), and we're both ultra conservative about how we spend money.

When we shopped for my ring, he offered a budget he was comfortable with. By standards noted here, some may have called him cheap. On the flip side, my husband had NEVER spent that amount of money on a single thing in his life before.....not even for his home computers (and my hubby is a computer geek!). His computers are part of his LIVELIHOOD.....more of a necessity than a luxury, to be sure. So, the idea of spending an excessive amount on a non-essential, non-necessity item was a stretch for him.

Does it mean he didn't love me? NO. Does it mean he tried to 'cheap out'? NO. Does it mean he didn't care about my happiness? Absolutely not. He allotted a sum that was well above any other single purchase he'd ever made for himself, and yet would be considered quite modest by some here, and likely be called 'cheap' by others.

When I shopped, I found something that was more than our budget, and I had a candid conversation with him saying that I found something that would be my nirvana....that I'd never want to upgrade, and that I was willing to chip in for it.

My husband has been MORE than generous with many things over the years. We both would rather save and get what we want the first time, but then again, we need a place to sit or transportation. His feelings about jewelry had NO connotation to how he loved me. He doesn't see the logic in spending ridiculous sums of money for something non-essential. I can absolutely agree with that logic. I can't see the sense in spending a TON of money on a handbag, and yet I know that others feel very comfortable doing it.

One person's *values* and what they feel is reasonable isn't dictated by one's salary alone. Now, if Winter's BF had no problem dropping thousands on vacations and thousands on his own toys, then yeah, I'd agree with your sentiment. But, that's not been established.

The notion that outsiders can decide what HE can afford or should be able to afford based solely on his salary is just outlandish and short-sighted.

respectfully disagree

. I was talking about THIS situation, not yours.

i would look at the fact thay they are in their established thirties, in DC, both professionals, both in a certain social strata, if she had on a 0.8 carat stone, yes, i WOULD wonder what was going on.....

some men ARE cheap, some men get sticker shock and up their budget once they realize that they can't get a 500 dollar 1 carat ring like advertised on the radio, some have family instilled values lke mommy whispered from birth about 1/2 carat is big enough.

i stand and applaud the people just starting out and i stand and applaud the older more established people.

 

[pyramid]

Winternight


I would vote to go for the more expensive ring you tried on for $13,000 if that is the one you want.

I do not think he was cheap, I just think he was a man, and they mostly don't understand or see what a woman sees in diamonds. When you tried it on and he said it was no problem, which if you both earn in the lower 6 figures should not be, then I would say just take it from there. He has agreed to it afterall.

In my mind, I would just think well we can afford such a ring and he is not really interested in or educated in diamonds or what they cost and this one pleases me, so would have no qualms getting it.

Now if you were not in high paid careers and did not have savings, like the others who posted earlier I would say it would be unfair to double his budget, maybe get an upgrade, but not get that diamond now.

 

[pyramid]

I meant to say also, that I do not think you need to have a conversation with your guy about whether or not he will up his budget, he has already agreed to it, so unless you want to go for another more expensive ring, I would just say that is the one.

 

[pyramid]

Date: 11/14/2006 9:22:08 AM
Author: winternight
The other problem is he told me his budget after we started looking, I asked but he was like 'don't worry about it' when he saw the 13k price tag in the store - afterwards he told me that he was thinking 5-6k. I wish I had never put that solitare on!

Sorry my replies above reflect I think that I was reading this wrongly. I thought he had said don't worry about it when he saw the 13k price tag in the store and not before you saw that ring.

Well going by your income I would say, if he is not like strmrdr

then you should maybe broach the subject but I do not know if he would double his budget exactly. Try Mara's success tip, run the bubble bath/jacuzzi whatever you have, bring out the wine and well Mara may be able to tell you the techniques after that

 

[jrob529]

I posted earlier in this topic and after thinking about it for a few days changed my mind. Based on your situation you should get what you want. If it were me, I''d fly to NY and visit GOG. I''d be willing to bet that you find something there that you''ll love as much as something from Tiffany''s. Plus, you get to go to NY and make a little trip out of it. You''re both making decent money and in the near future will be combining not only your incomes but your bills as well. So you''re making this purchase as much as he is. You should tell your FI that you want to fly to NY b/c there''s a great jeweler that you heard about it that has jewelery quality that matches if not surpasses that of Tiffany''s.

 

[Phoenix]

First of all, shame on you... those men with your sexist comments! That's all I am going to say, and I do not want to waste my breath of those who are still living in the stone age!

Winternight, to answer your Q:

My DH bought me a 1+ carat diamond for my e-ring, which was more than 2 months of his then salary (he'd heard somewhere that that is the "rough rule of thumb" whether or not it's true (and no, I do not wish to open another thread about this)). I didn't ask him. He went shopping all by himself and I was very surprised when he presented it (actually most surprised by the proposal and the way he'd gone about it - but that's another story

). He's told me that he wanted to surprise me for purely romantic reasons and it really was. A few years later, when we were both much better off financially, we started talking about an upgrade but never bought one. We were trying to concentrate on our home purchase and savings etc. This year, for our 10th wedding anniversary, he bought me a 3+ carat stone, for a substantial amount, much much more substantial than our original e-ring. DH and I have never had any problem with our major financial decisions, because we talked before them beforehand; and even though our most recent purchase of the 3+ carat stone is really extravagant, we're both ok about it because we can now comfortably afford it.

My point? It seems to me that you and your FI haven't really talked about your e-ring. It also seems to me that you can both afford it. Let's face it, $5-6k is not that much compared to what you're both earning (note that I said "what YOU'RE BOTH earning and not what "he's earning" because after all, once you're married, all your money will be his and vice versa (regardless of what the laws actually are, this is how things should be, at least for us. There should be no "oh, this is mine and he/ she is not allowed to touch it). All your major financial decisions (which an e-ring is) should take into consideration what you can afford and what you should both feel comfortable with. It may very well be that your BF is not being cheap, it may only be that he hasn't really considered it or even realised how much diamonds, or more precisely how much Tiffany's actually cost. Now, my DH's mother and he himself are not into luxurious items and are very frugal. I am generally careful with our money but do have a "weakness" for certain luxuries, certain brand names like LV, Gucci etc. I am not wasting money on other things but just appreciate the value of LV and appreciate the "good feeling" that comes with owning certain brand names so I understand your wanting to own a Tiffany's ring. My DH still does not understand my wanting these luxury items but he knows having them makes me happy and that in turn makes him happy. Sure, Tiffany's are more expensive than others and you may not get value for your dollars, in terms of the size of the diamond you'd otherwise get or conversely the lower price you'd pay for the same sized diamond. We havn't bought our diamonds from Tiffany's because we want more bang for our buck. But you know what? If that is what you want, then you should go for it, but IMO, you should discuss it with him and judge for yourself his comfort level. I think you may be pleasantly surprised by what the final decision will be.

Oh one more thing, it appears also that you've supported him in his career too and you're both successful professionals so it's not like you're being materialistic or unreasonably demanding. I am sure that you have and will continue to contribute to your joint finances.

Good luck anyway and let us know how it turns out.

 

[Julian]

I think it boils down to perspective.

Givers whose budgets were considerably lower than $13k are crying foul & using words like "materialistic."
Givers whose budgets were on par or greater see no problem with upgrading the budget for their future wives... if the money is there for the couple.

I'm sure I would cry foul if I had to pay $13k for a pebble. We have no problem spending way more than that on diamonds.

Some guys see diamonds as pebbles and don't get the value women see in them. But usually once they see how happy diamonds make us, I think that's when they see the value of a pebble. The pebble can be quite magical -- it can make a woman light up, smile & do happy dances because to her, it represents love. From then on, the givers usually "get it." Not usually before, though.

That's the point of a gift, is it not? To make the other person happy. It's not about YOU! It's about the "US" and that includes her wishes, too.

If there are financial constraints, then by ALL means... BUDGET! To me, that's love. But if the money is there and you have savings/investments... there is no better reason to splurge.

I'm sure I could eat bread and water for the rest of my life... and dress in sackcloths, but what is the point of life if you can't LIVE? Moderation is key. Pleasures in giving & spending tempered with restraint and discipline.

Sounds like the topic poster has both and a good head on her shoulders to boot. Why can't she have both? She is not asking for a 3ct Tiffany D IF. She's asking for a 1 ct. from Tiffany and they can certainly afford it.

 

[Phoenix]

I just read the thread again (sorry, it''s a bit long and I read very fast before but have re-read since) since your FI is the one who wants you to buy from Tiffany''s, I wonder if this is a bit of a ruse on his part (for example, he may say he is thinking about $5-6k but is really planning to spend more)? He must have had his reason(s) and must have done some research beforehand, either by visiting a Tiffany store or talking to someone who owns a Tiffany''s or both. He cannot have made you going into Tiffany''s without already knowing how expensive they are. I simply refuse to believe this. Furthermore, you''re a lawyer and you wear "serious" business attire practically everyday. He must know that a flower ring just wouldn''t match.

Anway, I''d suggest that you go back to Tiffany''s and look at the 1ct solitare together and let him see how happy that would make you and how much you like it. I''ll bet once he''s seen the look on your face, he''ll change his mind (that is, if the $5-6k was truly his initial budget).

 

[Mara]

absurd thought of the morning:

wouldn't it be funny if after this whole big emotional dramatic thread, OP and BF go back to Tiff's and she realizes,' eh the tiffany solitaire is just so MEH. i'm over it'.

actually i kind of HOPE that is what happens since...a tiffany solitaire ring? that is like the ultimate in 'non-interesting' diamond purchase for me. sure it's branded and it's sparkly but there are so many other cool styles of settings out there (we have seen probably half of them on here in the last 3 years!) that people can choose to fit their personality. sure some people can take a simple solitaire and rock it, and make it WORK. i have seen some of those for sure.

but winternight since you say you are eclectic, i wouldn't be surprised if you realized the 'classic' tiffany solitaire is just not cutting it for you long-term.

it is hard to think about what to wear every day for the rest of your life. that is kind of why also i am not into tiffany's...the whole not really being able to switch out the setting unless you go back and get one of tiff's styles (and can you even do it then??). i am totally indecisive, who knows how long i want this setting i have now. but i like options!

 

[winternight]

Wow, I''m really surprised by how many responses I got and some of the responses from the men. I do have to say there are alot of fabulous women on this forum who definitely think they''re worth it.

^^^^
As for original Tiffany solitare, I also just think I would like a bigger budget in general - sure I might fall in love with something less expensive, but I''d like more options.

I''ve been thinking about a simple ring so that it fits my different styles. For work, conservative, suits, have to be. For weekends, definitely more interesting and lots of black. The ring might be boring but believe me the outfits will be more interesting.

 

[winternight]

Date: 11/15/2006 10:47:52 AM
Author: lienTN
I just read the thread again (sorry, it''s a bit long and I read very fast before but have re-read since) since your FI is the one who wants you to buy from Tiffany''s, I wonder if this is a bit of a ruse on his part (for example, he may say he is thinking about $5-6k but is really planning to spend more)? He must have had his reason(s) and must have done some research beforehand, either by visiting a Tiffany store or talking to someone who owns a Tiffany''s or both. He cannot have made you going into Tiffany''s without already knowing how expensive they are. I simply refuse to believe this. Furthermore, you''re a lawyer and you wear ''serious'' business attire practically everyday. He must know that a flower ring just wouldn''t match.

Anway, I''d suggest that you go back to Tiffany''s and look at the 1ct solitare together and let him see how happy that would make you and how much you like it. I''ll bet once he''s seen the look on your face, he''ll change his mind (that is, if the $5-6k was truly his initial budget).

No really, I mean it. I asked him and he didn''t offer up any specs other than shape - pear-shapped - that''s it. I''m sure he didn''t look at the prices because he was shocked my the prices when he was with me, not totally freaked out but certainly shocked.

Haha, I love him but he''s not into research. Besides I think he assumes that he can afford it given his income, and he''s right, but he just didn''t realize what % of his income they were expecting...

He would have surprised me when he proposed, he''s definitely letting me pick out the ring because he wasn''t sure.

 

[winternight]

Hmmm. I think I should add that he took me on a trip to Paris and proposed there - so he isn''t cheap. I might have killed him for taking me to Tiffany without knowing about the cost were it not for that Paris after-glow.

 

[nespa]

>First of all, shame on you... those men with your sexist comments! That''s all I am going to say, and I do not want to waste my breath of those who are still living in the stone age!

I hope my fun top 10 list was understood to be "in jest" & actually making *fun* of the sexist comments. Simply pointing out the ridiculousness of what was discussed earlier / what was hurled at winternight.


Winternight - I agree with the %-age thing; it''s not a hard-and-fast rule and... well, with two lawyers, can it really apply? If we they''re both partners in the firm we''re talking about a million-dollar ring. You could basically wake up, take it from the safe, place it on your hand over breakfast, then return to the safe & go to work.

Rather, I agree & understand why your boyfriend felt that way / the shock - it is kinda crazy. No reason to spend an exorbitant amount on a ring.

However I still think there''s a middle ground & you can find the ring of your dreams.

- IF your objective is most-bang-for-buck, I still suggest purchasing the stone alone from BlueNile.com or JewelryZone.com...then getting a local jeweler to make a custom setting

- IF your objective is less worry / less hassle overall, then I did like Harry Winston (and of course I went to Tiffany''s but again it was her dream ring and I wanted to give her what she wanted).

I live in NYC & GoodOldGold was great (although I spoke on phone-only; didn''t travel upstate to them) - I recommend them too...very helpful & one of the best, and I believe they can help you out entirely online without having to fly anywhere. Just a thought.

 

[Julian]

I don''t know...

I think Tiffany style solitaires can be naughty AND nice!
Depends on how you wear it.

Lookie here!

Avril is as cute/punk/rocker chic as they come and she''s rockin'' a Tiffany solitaire!
Somehow on her, it comes off funky and eclectic. Not boring or staid.

Be still my heart!