Should I ask him to spend more? And how???

[anacgarcia]

i just finished reading this thread, I''d just like to say I hope you convince him not to buy at Tiffany''s, maybe guide him through PS and he''ll get help from the experts here hehe

 

[Lorelei]

With that pic Julian posted, anyone remember Mickey Dolenz from the Monkees? Avril's guy looks just like him! Dating meself here!

***Threadjack over***

 

[Julian]

Date: 11/15/2006 2:44:16 PM
Author: Lorelei
With that pic Julian posted, anyone remember Mickey Dolenz from the Monkees? Avril''s guy looks just like him! Dating meself here!

***Threadjack over***

OMG! I had to Google it to see what you meant, but I see now that they''re twins!

So true!!!

 

[Lorelei]

Ha - that's great Julian, terrific pic and now you can see what I mean! Can you post them together for a comparison shot?

 

[Mara]

uhh yeah well julian if i had a big honkin 5c tiffany solitaire, i'm sure i'd find it really eclectic as well considering that there aren't thata many of them! hee.

 

[Julian]

Can someone post a side-by-side "Separated at Birth?" shot?
(And afterward, can you tell me how?

)

Mara, I know!!!! Is Avril''s rock 5c? I guess my style would be more eclectic if I had her resources!

Oh my. What a lucky girl. Small fingers, too!!!!

 

[Julian]

Per request: SEPARATED AT BIRTH?

Deryck Whibley vs. Mickey Dolenz

 

[PaulaW]

Holy cow! They WERE seperated at birth!!
I''m late catching up with this thread, but wanted to compliment you Winternight on the way you''ve handled some of the comments. You truly have displayed grace and class. With that said, to answer your question, you know your guy better than anyone and if you''re comfortable talking to him about increasing the budget, I say go for it. I have a feeling that he hasn''t done a ton of research and his budget is a reflection of that. I''d be willing to bet if he walked into Tiffany''s and saw what he could get for the $$, he''d increase it anyway.
In your other thread, you mention wanting something more unique and are talking about solitaires here. Perhaps you can find something in the middle? Have you been introduced to Mark Morrell yet? I''m a big fan as are a bunch of PSers... here''s his site and a teaser:
www.mwmjewelry.com

 

[Lorelei]

OMG - SUPERB! Thanks Julian!!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 11/15/2006 2:31:53 AM
Author: winternight

Very interesting gender issues. What about poor me having to co-pay for a wedding ceremony because my fiance wants one, where is my sympathy from the guys who are all upset about him paying for a ring??? What if I just want to elope and that''s my budget? Do I have to give in to an actually reception? Should we talk about it - as he has been telling me he wants one - or should I tell him to hit the road for being materialistic and showy, after all I don''t care what people think about us not being traditional and throwing a party.

AMEN, Sista! LOVE THIS!

Perfect!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 11/15/2006 6:01:04 AM
Author: ladykemma
respectfully disagree

. I was talking about THIS situation, not yours.

i would look at the fact thay they are in their established thirties, in DC, both professionals, both in a certain social strata, if she had on a 0.8 carat stone, yes, i WOULD wonder what was going on.....

some men ARE cheap, some men get sticker shock and up their budget once they realize that they can''t get a 500 dollar 1 carat ring like advertised on the radio, some have family instilled values lke mommy whispered from birth about 1/2 carat is big enough.

i stand and applaud the people just starting out and i stand and applaud the older more established people.

I realize you weren''t talking about my situation.....but pointing out that you could as easily have been as the circumstances are quite similar.

Being in their 30s, in DC, professionals, blah blah shouldn''t be OGLIBATING criteria for deciding what *someone else''s* budget and comfort level should be. It just shouldn''t.

I don''t think you''d take kindly to the suggestion that buying from a pawn shop was embarassingly cheap or tacky, either. Why should someone judge your choices based on criteria that you yourself may not value?

He''s said "I''m comfortable with this budget". Considering you don''t know a blessed other things about how he spend his money, it''s a bit premature and rash to be tagging him as EMBARASSINGLY cheap.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Well, winternight, I for one will be very interested to hear what your e-ring turns out to be!!! Personally, I think a 1.25-1.5 ct. diamond would be very nice for you.

I hope you get it! (Heck, I got a 1 ct. way back when we were 21 and we certainly didn''t have the level of income that you have!)

 

[ladykemma]

Date: 11/15/2006 7:56:48 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 11/15/2006 6:01:04 AM
Author: ladykemma
respectfully disagree

. I was talking about THIS situation, not yours.

i would look at the fact thay they are in their established thirties, in DC, both professionals, both in a certain social strata, if she had on a 0.8 carat stone, yes, i WOULD wonder what was going on.....

some men ARE cheap, some men get sticker shock and up their budget once they realize that they can''t get a 500 dollar 1 carat ring like advertised on the radio, some have family instilled values lke mommy whispered from birth about 1/2 carat is big enough.

i stand and applaud the people just starting out and i stand and applaud the older more established people.

I realize you weren''t talking about my situation.....but pointing out that you could as easily have been as the circumstances are quite similar.

Being in their 30s, in DC, professionals, blah blah shouldn''t be OGLIBATING criteria for deciding what *someone else''s* budget and comfort level should be. It just shouldn''t.

I don''t think you''d take kindly to the suggestion that buying from a pawn shop was embarassingly cheap or tacky, either. Why should someone judge your choices based on criteria that you yourself may not value?

He''s said ''I''m comfortable with this budget''. Considering you don''t know a blessed other things about how he spend his money, it''s a bit premature and rash to be tagging him as EMBARASSINGLY cheap.

actually i am cheap! and very smart about buying diamonds. Absolutely tacky too. yay for me!

 

[:)]

Winternight, I have a feeling it will all work out

- as you mentioned he was floored by the prices when he actually saw them, and it is clear from your posts that you guys are just starting out with the serious looking - you will probably find that he has a change of heart regarding WHERE he feels he needs/wants to purchase when seeing other quality stones (and realizing that Tiff is not that important to you), and possibly even budget (if even needed at that time) once you guys seriously start looking - diamond budgets have a way of soaring up on their own once the serious looking starts!

His choice of Tiffany was probably severalfold 1. he loves you and wanted to get you the ''best'' and men have been brainwashed to think it has to be Tiff or HW, etc to really do it right 2. he (as you mentioned!) doesn''t like to have to do much research - just plunk the dough down and have it done with and on to the next project!

Just keep open communication with him while being sensitive to him - with a relationship there is always give and take, and if you can laugh about it, it always makes things easier (and a lot more fun!) Again, I have a feeling that with you, everything will be just fine!

 

[Amanda21]

Hi winternight,

Probably the best way to go about getting the ring you want is to to figure out exactly what type of diamond you want (size, cut, etc). Don't focus on the dollar amount. Hint to your finance what you want (aka 1 carat round solitaire) and let him worry about how to finance it. If his budget is 6,000 hopefully he will be resourceful enough to look outside of Tiffany. It's a pretty decent budget anywhere else. Given the fact that he is involving you in the ring choosing process, he seems to be receptive of your ring wants.

I somewhat agree with the posters who object to talking with your fiance about doubling the budget. However, saying "I really really love 1 carat round solitares" is very different from saying "I want you to double your budget and spend $13,000".

Best of luck!

 

[Phoenix]

Winternight, I totally believe in what you''re saying. I am just saying that he must have had some idea as to how expensive Tiffany''s is given he is the one wanting you to buy at Tiffany''s.

Some men prefer to propose with a ring whilst others prefer to let their GF/ FI choose what she would like. Whilst I was thrilled that my DH proposed to me and picked out the ring himself, sometimes I secretly wish we''d chosen it together (the stone is not very well cut) but let''s just keep that a secret amongst us PS''ers!!

.

(Nespa, I was actually not referring to your post, I know it was done in jest. It was something some others had said, it was disrespectful to Winternight and to women in general, but let''s not open that up again, shall we?).

 

[diamondfan]

I have had to educate my dh about the cost of things now, not just diamonds, but high end shoes, purses, paintings, rugs, furniture, throwing a party...the only things he does not seem shocked about? The cost of electronics, cars for him, season tickets to his sports teams or nice vacations, things HE likes and has more fun with! (I am noticing a trend). My dh is in finance, he always thinks he can stick to budget and he also always wants to know:

Do you NEED this? (NO, need is not a factor)

Is this a good price and can you get it for less maybe? (not when there are waitlists and the company is sold out)

Why is this something we should buy? (because I like it or want it and it would be nice to have)

If I asked him why a Ferrari cost X and was it worth it, you can BET he would think so and budget would not be an issue at all.

I think if her guy had not been really into ring shopping as yet, that yes, what a decent stone of a certain size etc can cost is maybe a bit of a joly. After the sticker shock wears off, there is usually a way to compromise, like, you can get a 2 carat of good quality but not from Harry Winston...this is when research and doing the leg work really pays off.

This is why I think they should just have a calm discussion about each''s wishes and expections so they are on the same page. Then figure out how to make it work for both of them...

 

[Stone Hunter]

This was such an interesting thread to read through. It''s too bad the OP can''t change the title. Because it''s not really about asking him to spend more money. It''s about meeting both of their needs/wants together. Obviously that can be done and without her asking him to spend more.

Yeah I can believe that he was unaware of price before they looked together. He probably didn''t do more than see if Tiff had erings and see what shapes were there. LOL

Now that they have made the FIRST trip to look at erings the real shopping can begin.

Pleas post about how all of this turns out.

 

[nespa]

Date: 11/15/2006 11:02:06 PM
Author: lienTN

(Nespa, I was actually not referring to your post, I know it was done in jest. It was something some others had said, it was disrespectful to Winternight and to women in general, but let''s not open that up again, shall we?).

Ok, good - just wanted to be sure i didn''t add to that mess....thanks for confirming that.

 

[ayala_jessica]

Hi Winternight,

I just picked up your thread...I didn''t read all the comments out there but I understand that you wish a ring whose elegance and classicism will match every situation and in order that you won''t get tired of it after some years, hence the tiffany style solitaire.

If you shop wisely and don''t want to pay the unjustified premium for a tiffany ring, go to this link

http://www.niceice.com/jewelry/knife_edge_solitaires.htm

Todd Gray from NiceIce has also a B&M store and has more than 20 years experience in diamond business. His site is a real treasure of information about diamonds, all the specs and close-ups, sarin, OGI briliance scope and so on are displayed on his site for each and every one of his diamonds, he sells only super ideal cut diamonds (his demands about cut and quality of his stones are very high).
Moreover, I read only wonderful comments about his business on this forum and elsewhere. Todd also has a very good upgrade policy, in case you want to change your diamond in the future.

And according to various customers'' experiences, he doesn''t spare his kindness, support and competence and understanding when searching to find your perfect stone.

I would suggest to show NiceIce''s site to your fiance, Todd has a great deal of humour and he teaches diamond stuff in the most entertaining and funny way so your fiance won''t get bored (according to your comments, he is a bit like my husband, patience about shopping is not his cup of tea

When your fiance understands that he can buy you a ring that will outshine all the diamond rings around (including the 2-3 ct branded rings of his most successful clients !!

for a lower budget than the tiffany''s 13k...he will thank you for that !!

Good luck in your search

 

[anchor31]

Hey winternight!

My FI and I were in the same situation pre-engagement in regards of ring size vs wedding size... He wanted: bigger wedding, smaller ring budget; I wanted: bigger ring, smaller wedding. It took a lot of discussion and a little angst before we found a middle ground we were both happy with. I got my dream ring but paid for the setting, and we''re planning a dream wedding that''s a mixture of both our fantasy weddings.

If we can do it, you can too... Telling him calmly and clearly about your desires and ideals (which you seem to be perfectly capable of doing) and finding your own middle ground you''ll both be happy with is the best way to go, I think.

Part (or all?) of the issue may be that he simply doesn''t know how expensive things can get... That''s what happened with my FI. So another thing I would suggest would be to take him shopping (and not just at Tiffany''s

). It''ll probably be an eye-opener.

I don''t think your spoiled or whatever at all. 1ct is your magic number, and that''s alright... Because it''s not unrealistic in your situation. Mine was .50ct, and believe me, that''s big for where I come from! But I knew that with work and if we went to the right place, he could afford it. If we''d bought a .50ct solitaire at Birks, it would have cost us $6000 CAD + tax... And we got a gorgeous .50ct with sidestones for less than half that, tax included!

With a lot of talk and a little shopping, I''m sure you''ll find something you''ll both be thrilled with! Good luck!

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 11/15/2006 7:46:15 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 11/15/2006 2:31:53 AM

Author: winternight


Very interesting gender issues. What about poor me having to co-pay for a wedding ceremony because my fiance wants one, where is my sympathy from the guys who are all upset about him paying for a ring??? What if I just want to elope and that''s my budget? Do I have to give in to an actually reception? Should we talk about it - as he has been telling me he wants one - or should I tell him to hit the road for being materialistic and showy, after all I don''t care what people think about us not being traditional and throwing a party.

AMEN, Sista! LOVE THIS!


Perfect!

this is great..i may have to quote you next time this subject comes up. Great example

 

[codex57]

You may get surprised. I had one budget. Was trying to stick to it. I already thought the budget was extravagant cuz my family isn''t into jewelry and I had almost no concept of how much jewelry cost (got her a fake diamond ring early on in the relationship cuz I didn''t realize the price was ultra low for diamonds). Anyways, I blew way past my budget. Yes, I could afford it. It was in cash. Coulda been spent on the wedding, but we got a fabulous wedding despite me spending what I did on the ring. Also didn''t matter much considering housing prices here (in CA) in terms of our down payment.

Anyways, my point was my ego got involved. I''m a lawyer. She''s a professional as well. While looking, I started checking out the rings of other women. So, when I saw the bigger solitaires, I broke down and got the bigger one. I knew it would bother me if people made negative comments on her ring. I also knew it would stroke my ego if people made positive comments. Lawyers talk. A lot! Never know, he may surprise you. I ended up spending about 66% over my inital budget of $10,000. If he has the means you say he does, you may get pleasantly surprised.

 

[winternight]

Date: 11/16/2006 3:58:29 PM
Author: codex57
You may get surprised. I had one budget. Was trying to stick to it. I already thought the budget was extravagant cuz my family isn''t into jewelry and I had almost no concept of how much jewelry cost (got her a fake diamond ring early on in the relationship cuz I didn''t realize the price was ultra low for diamonds). Anyways, I blew way past my budget. Yes, I could afford it. It was in cash. Coulda been spent on the wedding, but we got a fabulous wedding despite me spending what I did on the ring. Also didn''t matter much considering housing prices here (in CA) in terms of our down payment.

Anyways, my point was my ego got involved. I''m a lawyer. She''s a professional as well. While looking, I started checking out the rings of other women. So, when I saw the bigger solitaires, I broke down and got the bigger one. I knew it would bother me if people made negative comments on her ring. I also knew it would stroke my ego if people made positive comments. Lawyers talk. A lot! Never know, he may surprise you. I ended up spending about 66% over my inital budget of $10,000. If he has the means you say he does, you may get pleasantly surprised.

Really interesting perspective! I posted an update in another thread and basically I told him I wanted a more expensive ring but also that I found out about signedpieces.com and so we could get a Tiffany ring (if we go that route) for less $$$, but that I was still interested in a more expensive ring. He told me not to worry about it, so it was really easy and painless. I don''t think he had any secret ideas about spending more, I have the best jewelry already out of all our friends - including the engaged one!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 11/15/2006 2:44:16 PM
Author: Lorelei
With that pic Julian posted, anyone remember Mickey Dolenz from the Monkees? Avril''s guy looks just like him! Dating meself here!

***Threadjack over***

I thought the SAME thing!

We are old.

 

[DMBsGirl]

do people not go by the "three months salary" rule anymore? i thought this was standard....no?

 

[anchor31]

Date: 11/16/2006 9:10:30 PM
Author: DMBsGirl
do people not go by the ''three months salary'' rule anymore? i thought this was standard....no?

I thought it was two months, not three... but the budget depends on the circumstances too of course. Some men spend more because they can, some spend less because they can''t... I don''t think one can base their expectations on that for fear of being disappointed.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 11/16/2006 7:18:38 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 11/15/2006 2:44:16 PM
Author: Lorelei
With that pic Julian posted, anyone remember Mickey Dolenz from the Monkees? Avril's guy looks just like him! Dating meself here!

***Threadjack over***

I thought the SAME thing!

We are old.

...so very VERY old...

I was cringing after I made that comment when Julian had to Google Mickey Dolenz to find out who he was!

 

[codex57]

Date: 11/16/2006 7:16:20 PM
Author: winternight

Really interesting perspective! I posted an update in another thread and basically I told him I wanted a more expensive ring but also that I found out about signedpieces.com and so we could get a Tiffany ring (if we go that route) for less $$$, but that I was still interested in a more expensive ring. He told me not to worry about it, so it was really easy and painless. I don''t think he had any secret ideas about spending more, I have the best jewelry already out of all our friends - including the engaged one!

Oh, I didn''t have any secret ideas about spending more. It''s just that if your guy has the means, it''s not that hard to get him to agree to the higher priced ring. Budgets are good, but due to the high visibility of this purchase, it''s real easy to get a guy to go past his initial budget. Particularly if he came from an environment where he doesn''t know much about the subject.

I read the update. I''m sure he totally means it when he told you not to worry about the cost of that more expensive ring. Of my friends and acquaintances that fit the profile of you and your FI, your ring''s price is totally normal. If he has asked around, I''m sure he has discovered the same.