Should I ask him to spend more? And how???

[winternight]

Ok so I feel a little bad about posting this but my ring is very important to me, much less so than the wedding budget. I recently became engaged and my fiance and I started looking at rings together. I saw one that I really love for $7,300 - the Tiffany flower ring - but then I also saw one that was more of a "wow" ring for $13,000 - a simple 1.1 ct Tiffany diamond solitare, which frankly would probably go better with my wardrobe since it can be rather eclectic. My problem is his original budget was about $5-6,000. Maybe its a terrible think to say/feel but I think this is on the low side.

I think that given his savings a month''''s gross salary (or less) isn''''t unreasonable - he''''d be paying cash for the ring. I don''''t know how to broach the subject and its also an issue because his mother isn''''t really a jewelry person while my mother is and had and has some gorgous things (most were stolen). I think its also nagging me that my father paid $2,500 for my mother''''s ring in the 1970s. I don''''t know what to do and we''''re ring shopping this weekend. Should I just sigh over the bigger rings or stay in his budget? The other thing that is bothering me is that I''''m worried that I''''ll settle for the flower ring, which I love, but then wish I had a regular and simple engagement ring. It would be uncomfortable for both of us for me to offer to chip in.

He''''s really wonderful, I feel terrible about this but I''''m also a little surprised by how much other people''''s budgets are and I can''''t help being a little envious...

 

[Mara]

have you considered shopping somewhere other than tiffany? you could easily get a 1c beautiful well-cut stone (probably better looking visually than tiffanys in terms of cut beauty) elsewhere for about $6k or so. tiffany sells a brand name setting and puts a diamond in it that can be gotten elsewhere. it's nothing special...but the brand is what people are paying for. just a thought about going elsewhere.

in terms of asking him to spend more or being envious, don't know that i can be of much help other than to say don't covet what others have...the grass is always greener. and to ask him to basically double his budget just so you can shop at tiffany to me is not the way to go about starting a marriage IMO. you can always upgrade as well if budget is tight now.

 

[Kaleigh]

My advice is to get him to buy online. You are paying a huge premium for the Tiffany name. Like 40%. I mentioned this in your other thread. I think you guys need to read the tutorials on here about cut. Cut is KEY to buying a beautiful diamond. If you buy online you will save a bundle, get an amazing stone, so you won''t have to ask him to spend more. Coming from a gal that has a Tiffany ering, and has learned a thing or two since being on PS for almost 2 years!!!

www.goodoldgold.com
www.whiteflash.com
www.winkjones.com
www.jamesallen.com

Take your time and don''t rush it. HTH good luck!!!

 

[jayreneepea]

No, I don''t think you should ask him to spend more. Especially when all you''re getting is a blue box and a 1ct. diamond! I think it actually seems a tad selfish to ask your fiance to pay such a premium just because you think he can afford it. Shop wise now and you''ll be a lot better off later in life!

 

[E B]

$5-$6,000 is an amazing budget, and Tiffany''s doesn''t allow you to get the most for your money. Like Mara said, a 1.1ct in a Tiffany repro setting can be purchased for around $6k. That way, you get the size you want in your fiance''s budget.

 

[Mara]

i just saw your other thread and i really like that flower ring you posted. you keep mentioning that you are not the typical gal with typical kinda taste, so why would you consider a solitaire then? that''s pretty ''classic'' and if you are not that type of gal then get what speaks to you. and if the flower ring is inside your budget, then a win win possibly? anyway it sounded like in the other thread you weren''t really into the solitaire but now you are? i''m a little confused.

 

[diamondfan]

I agree with the others though I have had two rings from Tiffany''s and my dh had reasons why he went there the first time to upgrade my original ering. I would do my homework, go on the good sites and see what you can get for the same money, and be open minded to that. I think the flower ring is lovely but it sounds like you might regret not having the solitaire down the road. You could also get the flower ring, upgrade in the future and wear the flower as a rhr...but just do not go about the search without broadening it a bit! There are so many experts here, Mara, Kaleigh, Lorelei, and tons of others, so you could search some stones on line and run them by the pros over here!

 

[Regular Guy]

I saw your other post, too, where you noted you were in the DC area.

One place that seems to be pretty big is Charleson Alexander. Also, they post their offerings on-line. I''m not too impressed, but you can see them local and live, and so, this one is one you might consider.

Also, you could consider ordering this one up from White Flash, walking into either Charleston Alexander, or the merchant of your choice, and trying to compare and beat it.

Generally, though, I''d support your backing off as much as you can, regarding this less as jewelry, and more as something from him to you, that you don''t otherwise maybe have that much to do with, except to be supportive in constructive ways, with constraints he makes you aware of.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I don''t think there is a good way to ask him to spend more. He obviously has a number he feels comfortable with. I would either offer to pay for part of it or have him buy a ring from a company with a good trade-up policy. That way you can have a lovely 6k ring now and maybe in a few years increase it''s size. I have to agree that though Tiffany''s rings are beautiful you can get a larger, maybe even nicer diamond for less. I would like your BF would like that idea

What if your dream ring? Like Mara said if you want something different, a solitare is NOT the way to go.

 

[qtiekiki]

He sets a good budget; you can get a Tiffany quality or maybe better 1ct for that. You are really paying the high premium for brand name at Tiffany. It's kind of unfair to say that it's reasonable for you to ask for a higher budget because he has a big saving and makes good money. I agree that you should look at other options before you decide to ask for a higher budget. If I was in your situation, I don't know if I can ask him to spend more (maybe a few hundreds more, but not double the original budget). I will feel bad asking for it.

 

[Regular Guy]

Here''s another possible option from Capital bill, a local vendor otherwise known on this board as Icemine, where yo could get a branded diamond, and Bill can guide you in options for crafting it into your final diamond.

And, another jeweler, handy for either just the ring to go with the diamond, or for the whole thing, is Quest Jewelers.

Also local is James Allen in Frederick, however, he may or may not take visitors, as they''re more primarily an internet based vendor. One from him, for example: this one...

Quest designs rings as a specialty, and James Allen also has some very interesting ones.

Regards,

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 11/14/2006 1:06:27 AM
Author: EBree
$5-$6,000 is an amazing budget, and Tiffany''s doesn''t allow you to get the most for your money. Like Mara said, a 1.1ct in a Tiffany repro setting can be purchased for around $6k. That way, you get the size you want in your fiance''s budget.

Ditto. Sounds like the best way to go for sure!

 

[courtneyclv]

1.1 ct. for $13000!!! OMG.

If I were you, I would get the exact setting, a replica and a larger stone. I am sure you can get 1.5 WITH an awesome setting with that budget.

Nobody is going to know if the replica is a Tiffany. It is the name you are paying for...

I can't talk much because I went over budget TOO!! But only by $2500.00 and my BF said he didn't care as long as I love the ring..and I am getting a much better, larger center stone for that. Double over budget is a bit much IMO.

And I also agree with everyone above. It seems like you want something different and not boring. A simple Tiffany solitare is kinf of boring, I think. What about a halo setting? Then your center will look a lot larger?

Courtney

 

[courtneyclv]

Oh! I know you love the flower ring..I do too! But what kind of wedding band would you wear? If it isn''t important to have them together, and wear it on a necklace..go for it.

I think it is whatever makes YOU happy, in reason of course!

 

[yellowsparkles]

I agree with everyone else. You need to keep looking and take your time. If you buy from an online vendor such as whiteflash, then you would also save by not paying sales tax (in addition to getting a larger, and better rock).

 

[ladykemma]

is he being "cheap? what''s his income? his career? your career? any debt? are you in a house yet? how old are you both?

 

[Clarygrace]

Winternight:

My e-ring was purchased at Charleston Alexander and I can attest to their quality and professionalism. They have a large selection of diamonds and settings and I''m sure you will find what you are looking for at a reasonable price and good customer service.

We shopped there for our wedding bands and now they are re-setting my Dad''s stone for my sister. I also have other projects I would like them to work on in the near future and they have been really helpful sofar.

Good luck

 

[jrob529]

Speaking from a guy''s point of view, we don''t mind going a little over budget but more than doubling your budget is asking way too much. And if you want something different down the road, upgrade.

I agree that you should keep on shopping and forget about Tiffany''s.

 

[kenny]

No, don''t ask him to double his budget.

Sheesh!

 

[mtrb]

This is supposed to be from his heart, not from his wallet. You can get a beautiful ring with 6K. Many people don't even have that $2500 today as a budget? Honestly, this sounds a little spoiled to me. Sorry, but I had to say it.

Anyway, The label of "Tiffany" means nothing. They know how to pick nice stones, overprice them and market themselves well to the masses..thats about it. So are you going to be a sheep or a shepard? I prefer being a shepard.. polically too, but that is besides the point.
You can do so much better online and stay to that 6K or so. So, no it is not fair to ask him to double his budget, just research here instead and order from one of the great vendors here. You will then have that 13k ring for around that 6k budget.

 

[winternight]

We''re both attorneys and both make in the low six figures, him more than me. He has almost no debt (student loans) and pretty substantial savings. I have more loans and less savings. I could offer to double the budget by paying half but that would bother me and I know it would bother him. I guess I was thinking his budget was at least $10,000 - bad to assume I suppose. We will be buying a house next year but $5,000 one way or another will have very little impact (DC housing prices). Many of our friends aren''t much into jewelry but I am and I just don''t think a $10,000 budget is unreasonable given both our incomes and considering future incomes. I don''t want to say he''s being cheap - because he isn''t a cheap guy, its just that his family isn''t into jewelry and we make more money than them so I think he has a different baseline for his expectations. (And if I sound expensive, I might be but I''m also making good money that I''ll be bringing in).

The problem with the flower ring is I love it, but honestly I don''t know if I''d want to wear it every single day. In my field the more conservative, simple ring might be better. I''m really concerned that it would be a once a week kind of ring. The other problem is he told me his budget after we started looking, I asked but he was like ''don''t worry about it'' when he saw the 13k price tag in the store - afterwards he told me that he was thinking 5-6k. I wish I had never put that solitare on!

Oh and my mom had a simple solitare with a thick platinum band it was so chic (unfortunately they were both stolen) so I think that is influencing me.

I understand that I could look around but I''ve already been to one jewelry who didn''t quote me that much lower for a VS1 (I think) with a great color rating. I''m more conflicted about whether to take a smaller solitare or the flower ring from Tiffany or just keep looking - which I''ll do this weekend. I know people here aren''t the biggest Tiffany fans and I admit this is a little emotional but hey at least I''m not in love with Cartier. I''ll keep reading and try and learn more about cut.

 

[cheethoe]

Date: 11/14/2006 8:58:22 AM
Author: mtrb
This is supposed to be from his heart, not from his wallet. You can get a beautiful ring with 6K. Many people don''t even have that $2500 today as a budget? Honestly, this sounds a little spoiled to me. Sorry, but I had to say it.

Thank you! I wanted to say the same thing. No offense but if my girlfriend tried to double my budget on me and tell me that based on my salary and savings it''s reasonable (as winternight mentioned in her first post) I''d probably stop my ring hunting and reconsider what kind of material girl I was about to ask to marry.
Now you didn''t ask him to and you came to ask for other''s opinions first so that tells me you''re not bad and that you are a reasonable person, so stay reasonable and take the advice of the others here, go somewhere other than tiffanys and stay near the budget

 

[asscherisme]

I don''t think you can ask him to spend more without really offending him. Especially more than doublt his orginal budget.

If his mom is not a jewelery person than to him that is problably a lot of money. Heck, it is a lot of money period!

Many many many people start out with smaller diamonds and go larger down the line.

My husband''s original budget was $3,500. Sure I would have loved a full carat. But having HIM was more important. I ended up getting a .81ct not so well cut (but I did not know that at the time) solitaire set in yellow gold (I hate yellow gold) but I wore it for years. Then I had it reset in platinum along the way.

For our 10 year, he bought me a larger stone. He likes to say it was a gift not an upgrade. It was an asscher but I ended up exchanging it for a round. Similar budget though and now I wear a 1.63 super ideal cut round stone and its amazing (see my photo on my avatar).

So, I would NOT ask him to spend more. But what I would do is suggest that before you go shopping sit with him at the computer and look online for what you can get and go shopping locally and I bet you buy online.

I would not go tiffanys if you have your heart set on 1ct. You can absolutely get a gorgeous well cut 1ct for his budget but never at tiffanys.

 

[kenny]

It sounds like you two have very different values and expectations when it comes to money and debt.

I'd address this issue and try to both get very comfortable with this subject now, before you get married.

Sorry, I know this is none of my business, but you *are* posting on a public forum.

 

[Lorelei]

I really think it would be good if you would consider buying online. As a quick example, this diamond..

http://www.whiteflash.com/round_ideal_cut/Round-Ideal-Cut-cut-diamond-78285.htm

Might be just what you want, pop into a simple white gold setting which shouldn't take you far over budget and you are set, you have the size and great cut diamond you want at a price your fiance wants.

 

[cheethoe]

Date: 11/14/2006 9:22:08 AM
Author: winternight
The problem with the flower ring is I love it, but honestly I don't know if I'd want to wear it every single day. In my field the more conservative, simple ring might be better. I'm really concerned that it would be a once a week kind of ring. The other problem is he told me his budget after we started looking, I asked but he was like 'don't worry about it' when he saw the 13k price tag in the store - afterwards he told me that he was thinking 5-6k. I wish I had never put that solitare on!

Ok thinking does not = budget. This is a bit of a different story, did he say thinking or did he say budget? When I first started and knew nothing about diamonds or rings, I was thinking 6K because I didnt know what I wanted at first and didn't know how much things cost, but ended up budgeting 10K. If he hasn't set an actual budget, you might want to discuss the budget with him (with some research done) and then work on getting the ring you want within the budget.

Date: 11/14/2006 9:22:08 AM
Author: winternight
I understand that I could look around but I've already been to one jewelry who didn't quote me that much lower for a VS1 (I think) with a great color rating.

It's called demographics, certain demographics mark up by certain percentages, the higher end of the demographics which include stores in "rich" areas like beverly hills and stores like robbins bros and tiffanys tend to mark up by 70-100%. Check out some online diamond stores like blue nile which are in the lowest of demographic which marks up much less (forgot the actual percentage but I think it's around 10%).

 

[jrob529]

Date: 11/14/2006 9:22:08 AM
Author: winternight
We''re both attorneys and both make in the low six figures, him more than me. He has almost no debt (student loans) and pretty substantial savings. I have more loans and less savings. I could offer to double the budget by paying half but that would bother me and I know it would bother him. I guess I was thinking his budget was at least $10,000 - bad to assume I suppose. We will be buying a house next year but $5,000 one way or another will have very little impact (DC housing prices). Many of our friends aren''t much into jewelry but I am and I just don''t think a $10,000 budget is unreasonable given both our incomes and considering future incomes. I don''t want to say he''s being cheap - because he isn''t a cheap guy, its just that his family isn''t into jewelry and we make more money than them so I think he has a different baseline for his expectations. (And if I sound expensive, I might be but I''m also making good money that I''ll be bringing in).

The problem with the flower ring is I love it, but honestly I don''t know if I''d want to wear it every single day. In my field the more conservative, simple ring might be better. I''m really concerned that it would be a once a week kind of ring. The other problem is he told me his budget after we started looking, I asked but he was like ''don''t worry about it'' when he saw the 13k price tag in the store - afterwards he told me that he was thinking 5-6k. I wish I had never put that solitare on!

Oh and my mom had a simple solitare with a thick platinum band it was so chic (unfortunately they were both stolen) so I think that is influencing me.

I understand that I could look around but I''ve already been to one jewelry who didn''t quote me that much lower for a VS1 (I think) with a great color rating. I''m more conflicted about whether to take a smaller solitare or the flower ring from Tiffany or just keep looking - which I''ll do this weekend. I know people here aren''t the biggest Tiffany fans and I admit this is a little emotional but hey at least I''m not in love with Cartier. I''ll keep reading and try and learn more about cut.

It sounds like he has made some wise decisions up to this point- no student loan and pretty substantial savings. Believe me I know, I finished law school with major debt. So why don''t you let him continue making good decisions and keep within his budget. He has substantial savings for a reason.

I realize you fell in love with that ring but don''t you love him more?

 

[upgrading mama]

My husband''s mother is also not a ''jewelry person'' so I can unerstand about the difficulty there with getting him to understand that.

I think, instead of focusing on the budget amount, go and look for one you love and don''t settle..but don''t choose it solely based on price.


I agree with Kaleigh, buy online!

 

[ladykemma]

i think he needs to "up" his budget given his financial situation and both of you earn above 6 figgers. i would coax you towards a non tiffany plain platinum solitaire for 10k. edited to add this includes the wedding band.

 

[ephemery1]

I have to admit, I'm somewhat surprised by these responses. I don't think you're being greedy or materialistic... I think you saw a ring you love and know it is affordable for you guys, even though your fiance didn't originally plan on spending that much. So is it unreasonable to at least have a conversation about it? Definitely not!

HOWEVER... this is a person you're planning on spending the rest of your life with... you have to feel comfortable talking about this stuff with him. If you don't like the idea of contributing to the ring cost, then you can absolutely let him know your preferences, but bottomline: it is his gift to you so he gets to decide the amount he spends. But if you really want a $13000 Tiffany ring on your finger (which honestly doesn't sound over the top to me, given your combined income/savings)... what's wrong with offering to contribute some of your own $$ to get something you love? In the same way you'll make a million more joint purchases in the future (houses, cars, etc).

That said, many people on here love and appreciate Tiffany! They carry well cut, quality diamonds and beautiful settings, no question. But you can easily find BETTER diamonds, for significantly less cost, elsewhere... you just have to do a little hunting. So when someone posts here looking for 1) the best cut diamond available and having 2) a budget that's not unlimited, we don't often steer them in the Tiffany's direction. Since it seems like you might be one of those people, everyone just wants you to know your other options!