Renewing vows is sweet... but bachelorette party!?!?

[Pandora II]

This is nuts.

I''d just tell her straight that you hope she has a great time, but you have two small children and prefer to take your holiday time with your family.

Can I put money on the divorce being final within the next 18 months? Everyone I know who has done a vow renewal has done it because the woman has thought it will recapture the rapture and stop her husband from having an affair/leaving/turn him into Prince Charming, and everyone of them have ended up divorced shortly after - if they haven''t cancelled the wretched thing first.

Sorry, but happy fulfilled people don''t need to throw parties to show how happy and fulfilled they are...

 

[steph72276]

I can understand wanting to do a quiet vow renewal with your hubby and maybe close friends and family, but she is having a full blown 2nd wedding here. A dress, $200 bridesmaids dresses, a bridal shower, a bachelorette party all when you've been married for 10 years and have children is very bizarre to me. If you're gonna have a party to celebrate your anniversary, then that's one thing...you invite people and pay for it yourself, not expect people to shell out $1k to celebrate the fact that your marriage has lasted 10 years. I would simply tell her that you could attend the ceremony, but don't have $1k to spend on the event.

ETA: Are they just that loaded that they could blow that kind of money on something like this? I could never do that now that I have kids, it would be going to their college funds instead.

 

[purselover]

DH and I plan on renewing our vows down the line, but there will definitely be no huge bridal party or achelor/bachelorette weekend trips to Vegas. The whole thing seems so odd

 

[jewelz617]

Ummm... yeah, no.

Is she looking for an excuse to spend money? Or does she wallow in attention? A vow renewal is NOT a wedding. Guests already spent their money at her wedding, you get ONE. Anything after that, is the couple''s responsibility.

Please tell me she hasn''t registered anywhere.

 

[lilyfoot]

Seriously, this might just be the most ridiculous thing I''ve ever read on PS! Who does this?!?

 

[elrohwen]

I have mixed feelings on this. No, I don't think she should be re-doing her entire wedding. However, I don't see anything wrong with wanting to spend a special weekend with your girlfriends. Maybe calling it a bachelorette party isn't the best idea, but would you be as offended if she had sent an email inviting you all on a special girls-only vacation? Maybe she just got really excited about the idea of taking a vacation with her friends and didn't stop to think through about how tacky it comes off.

And the $200 BM dress did make me

 

[Callisto]

Wow that seems like a bit much. The few vow renewals I''ve seen have just been very small parts of an anniversary party. Which makes sense to me, I guess. If you''re going to have a party to celebrate a milestone anniversary it makes sense to spend a few minutes of the party actually doing something nice for your relationship.

And just to throw in a successful wedding vow renewal (i.e. one that was not held in an attempt to save a marriage - that soon ended anyways) my neighbors, who are basically a third set of grandparents to me and my brother, did a vow renewal for the 50th wedding anniversary. It was beautiful and romantic and not at all about trying to show everyone they were happy. There were probably about 100 people there but it was very simple and not at all like a wedding. I cried through the whole thing, they truly are one of the happiest couples I know even after all these years. If I ever did one I''d like something like that.

I think it would be fine for you to talk to her and just explain that you can''t commit enough time to be the kind of bridesmaid you''d like to be. And also that you just don''t have the financial resources to be spending this much on a dress and vacation. I think too it will soften the blow if you offer to continue to help with anything she needs throughout the planning process.

 

[meresal]

I would tell her that I wasn't aware of the expenses that were going to be involved and bow out.

She *might* get the hint. With that said, no one in their right mind could blame you for bowing out of a vow renewal that is going to cost you upwards of $1000.

IMO, if you are a married adult and want people to be involved in your vow renewal... then you need to pay for all of your nonsensical demands. ALL of it.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 3/17/2010 9:16:44 PM
Author: lulu
PP doesn''t seem to be around. So here''s what I''m thinking and she''d say---''tacky''.

where is PP these days? I agree that to me, it''s too much and definitely if not completely tacky then flirting with it!

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 3/18/2010 7:13:04 AM
Author: Pandora II

Can I put money on the divorce being final within the next 18 months? Everyone I know who has done a vow renewal has done it because the woman has thought it will recapture the rapture and stop her husband from having an affair/leaving/turn him into Prince Charming, and everyone of them have ended up divorced shortly after - if they haven''t cancelled the wretched thing first.


Sorry, but happy fulfilled people don''t need to throw parties to show how happy and fulfilled they are...

I was going to say this too but I chickened out for fear of offending someone - but I will agree fully with you Pandora - vow renewals seem to be often followed by a breakup of said renewed marriage

 

[Maisie]

Date: 3/18/2010 7:13:04 AM
Author: Pandora II
This is nuts.

I''d just tell her straight that you hope she has a great time, but you have two small children and prefer to take your holiday time with your family.

Can I put money on the divorce being final within the next 18 months? Everyone I know who has done a vow renewal has done it because the woman has thought it will recapture the rapture and stop her husband from having an affair/leaving/turn him into Prince Charming, and everyone of them have ended up divorced shortly after - if they haven''t cancelled the wretched thing first.

Sorry, but happy fulfilled people don''t need to throw parties to show how happy and fulfilled they are...

I have to agree on with you Pandora. My husband and I were planning a vow renewal and now we are near the completion of our divorce.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 3/18/2010 10:44:26 AM
Author: lilyfoot
Seriously, this might just be the most ridiculous thing I''ve ever read on PS! Who does this?!?

+1.

What a self-indulgent society we have created.

I second TGal''s dictionary... with perhaps the business card of a divorce lawyer as a bookmark. Or a shrink.

 

[swingirl]

Sorry, but I am old school. We used to call these 10, 15, 20+ year celebrations "anniversaries" and people had nice dinners, parties, fancy dresses, etc. I've never understood why you need to have a "redo" on the ceremony since the original is supposed to be good for life. And for those of us that never "renew our vows" are ours getting old?

I mean, I'm all for "renewing" the bling but the vows should be good til the bitter end!

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 3/18/2010 12:56:08 PM
Author: swingirl
Sorry, but I am old school. We used to call these 10, 15, 20+ year celebrations ''anniversaries'' and people had nice dinners, parties, fancy dresses, etc. I''ve never understood why you need to have a ''redo'' on the ceremony since the original is supposed to be good for life. And for those of us that never ''renew our vows'' are ours getting old?

I mean, I''m all for ''renewing'' the bling but the vows should be good til the bitter end!

agree!

what happened to the part of "until death do us part"?

mz

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 3/18/2010 12:56:08 PM
Author: swingirl
Sorry, but I am old school. We used to call these 10, 15, 20+ year celebrations ''anniversaries'' and people had nice dinners, parties, fancy dresses, etc. I''ve never understood why you need to have a ''redo'' on the ceremony since the original is supposed to be good for life. And for those of us that never ''renew our vows'' are ours getting old?

I mean, I''m all for ''renewing'' the bling but the vows should be good til the bitter end!

I''m 27 and this exactly was my first thought...

 

[hmr_mama]

My in-law''s renew their vows EVERY year. Every anniversary they recite their vows to each other. The judge that married them sent them their entire ceremony and they recite it. I thought it was so sweet I had the minister that married us give me a print out of our ceremony. Since we had kids right away...we''ve never really made the time to do it.

Now that I think about it...I don''t know anyone who has ever done a vow renewal. I don''t think it''s a bad idea--when the kids are out of the house--to recommit yourselves to each other. I don''t think it''s necessary....but I don''t think you''re on your way to divorce if you do it. It just depends on the context.

When I was engaged I asked my mom "do I really have to have a wedding?". Her answer, "hell yes". She explained that all lifes BIG events should have a ceremony....graduation, wedding, baptism. I think of a wedding/vow renewal much the same. Have your kids left the nest? No. Has your marriage gone through something big: cheating, bankruptcy, etc.? What is this BIG event that has happened that makes her think she needs a ceremony??

My parents didn''t have a vow renewal when I left home (I''m the youngest of 3)....but they went on a cruise. To each their own.

 

[purselover]

Date: 3/18/2010 12:56:08 PM
Author: swingirl
Sorry, but I am old school. We used to call these 10, 15, 20+ year celebrations ''anniversaries'' and people had nice dinners, parties, fancy dresses, etc. I''ve never understood why you need to have a ''redo'' on the ceremony since the original is supposed to be good for life. And for those of us that never ''renew our vows'' are ours getting old?

I mean, I''m all for ''renewing'' the bling but the vows should be good til the bitter end!

Just to show the other side .....3 months ago DH and I very much had the wedding he and his family wanted, it was a pretty big to do with almost 200 people invited to see us get married in NY. I on the other hand very much wanted a few people to see us get married on a beach somewhere far away. Since DH got his "dream" wedding he suggested why not in a few years go somewhere exotic rent a villa for our friends and say our vows again -this time on a beach so I get my dream too. Our friends think its the best idea ever we both get exactly what we wanted and they get a vacation where all they have to pay for is airfare! Maybe that''s silly but it''s something I''d love to do one day.

 

[LostSapphire]

correct me if I''m wrong, but, didn''t Jon + Kate + 8 just have a big shebang in Hawaii not too long ago?

LS

 

[swingirl]

Date: 3/18/2010 1:55:16 PM
Author: LostSapphire
correct me if I''m wrong, but, didn''t Jon + Kate + 8 just have a big shebang in Hawaii not too long ago?


LS

Yep. Their "redo" became and "undo".

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 3/18/2010 1:04:59 PM
Author: movie zombie

Date: 3/18/2010 12:56:08 PM
Author: swingirl
Sorry, but I am old school. We used to call these 10, 15, 20+ year celebrations ''anniversaries'' and people had nice dinners, parties, fancy dresses, etc. I''ve never understood why you need to have a ''redo'' on the ceremony since the original is supposed to be good for life. And for those of us that never ''renew our vows'' are ours getting old?

I mean, I''m all for ''renewing'' the bling but the vows should be good til the bitter end!

agree!

what happened to the part of ''until death do us part''?

mz

Agreed!

At the age of 21, I''m somehow "old school" also.

I don''t get the whole vow-renewal thing?

 

[bee*]

I don''t get them either. I think it''s crazy what this woman is planning and while I normally wouldn''t say that you should back out, I would back out of this wedding and let her know why. She had her wedding, this should not be another one.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Date: 3/18/2010 12:56:08 PM
Author: swingirl
Sorry, but I am old school. We used to call these 10, 15, 20+ year celebrations ''anniversaries'' and people had nice dinners, parties, fancy dresses, etc. I''ve never understood why you need to have a ''redo'' on the ceremony since the original is supposed to be good for life. And for those of us that never ''renew our vows'' are ours getting old?


I mean, I''m all for ''renewing'' the bling but the vows should be good til the bitter end!

Exactly! Why all the pomp and circumstance?? I just...... don''t...... get it.

I''m 28, getting married (for the first time) and my mother is trying to tell me that I shouldn''t even have a bridal shower since I already own a house and have most of the things for which a couple registers. A woman who has been married for 10 years? Has three children? Having a bridal shower? I said it before, and I''ll say it again. I just don''t get it!

Why can''t they just get a group together and go to Vegas to celebrate their anniversary? Eight bridesmaids???? Oy.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/18/2010 11:47:09 AM
Author: meresal
I would tell her that I wasn''t aware of the expenses that were going to be involved and bow out.


She *might* get the hint. With that said, no one in their right mind could blame you for bowing out of a vow renewal that is going to cost you upwards of $1000.

IMO, if you are a married adult and want people to be involved in your vow renewal... then you need to pay for all of your nonsensical demands. ALL of it.

I really agree with this. Let her know that hello, you live in the real world and have kids, jobs and BUDGETS to deal with, and can''t just up and spend a grand to indulge this couple in Our Big Huge Circus of a Wedding: The Sequel.

 

[trillionaire]

I wasn''t even under the impression that people enjoyed planning weddings, let alone two. Maybe she is throwing this one for her B guestlist that weren''t invited to the first one? Or maybe she is secretly marrying her DH''s twin brother????

 

[MishB]

I also think this is crazy, this woman is out of her mind. Are you close enough friends with her husband to have a chat with him and try to get to the bottom of what''s going on?

We have talked about ''renewing our vows'' on our 10th anniversary (2.5 years time), my DH noticed me drooling over pictures of GOG AV diamonds and asked if I''d like one. He never actually formally proposed to me so I''ve always ribbed him about it. I said if he gets the ring and asks me properly, I might consider marrying him again.

Our first wedding was very low key destination, the next ''ceremony'' will be even more so, in the same place, with the same guests and celebrant if he''s still around. My 2nd cousin was our (self-appointed) flower girl, we would ask her to be an attendant since she is now a lovely teenager and I don''t think has ever been a bridesmaid.

We got married in Vail in February, but the renewal will more likely be at Loveland ski resort on Valentine''s day, apparently they let you ski free if you get married or renew your vows on that day. A free day lift ticket is too good to pass up!!

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 3/18/2010 8:01:05 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 3/18/2010 11:47:09 AM
Author: meresal
I would tell her that I wasn''t aware of the expenses that were going to be involved and bow out.


She *might* get the hint. With that said, no one in their right mind could blame you for bowing out of a vow renewal that is going to cost you upwards of $1000.

IMO, if you are a married adult and want people to be involved in your vow renewal... then you need to pay for all of your nonsensical demands. ALL of it.

I really agree with this. Let her know that hello, you live in the real world and have kids, jobs and BUDGETS to deal with, and can''t just up and spend a grand to indulge this couple in Our Big Huge Circus of a Wedding: The Sequel.

LOL! that''s a grand i''d rather use on another piece of jewelry......

mz

 

[Dancing Fire]

will she get another Ering?

 

[Maisie]

I wonder if there has been infidelity in their marriage. I would understand a couple wanting to renew if one had cheated and they had broken said vows.

 

[doodle]

Date: 3/19/2010 3:51:10 PM
Author: Maisie
I wonder if there has been infidelity in their marriage. I would understand a couple wanting to renew if one had cheated and they had broken said vows.

Maisie, that''s always what vow renewals make me think of--if you''re renewing them, what happened to invalidate the old ones?

In my family, if your marriage makes it to the 25 or 50 years marks, the extended family chips in and throws an anniversary party for the couple, but we''re talking like a huge table, dinner, and balloons, not a wedding do-over! That''s honestly one of the silliest things I''ve ever heard. If I were in your shoes, I think I''d call and leave her a message, something along the lines of:

Hey Cuckoo, it''s me. I''m very sorry, but I have to back out on being your COUGH-you-were-already-a-friggin''-bride-fool!-COUGH bridesmaid because I really just can''t afford the expense. I also won''t be able to attend your COUGH-you-are-married-with-children-the-jig-is-up-COUGH bachelorette party or your SNEEZE-do-you-really-need-a-new-frying-pan-this-badly-SNEEZE bridal shower.

Then send her a bag of marbles as her shower gift as she has obviously lost hers.

 

[jas]

Date: 3/22/2010 5:52:09 PM
Author: doodle

Date: 3/19/2010 3:51:10 PM
Author: Maisie
I wonder if there has been infidelity in their marriage. I would understand a couple wanting to renew if one had cheated and they had broken said vows.

Maisie, that's always what vow renewals make me think of--if you're renewing them, what happened to invalidate the old ones?

In my family, if your marriage makes it to the 25 or 50 years marks, the extended family chips in and throws an anniversary party for the couple, but we're talking like a huge table, dinner, and balloons, not a wedding do-over! That's honestly one of the silliest things I've ever heard. If I were in your shoes, I think I'd call and leave her a message, something along the lines of:

Hey Cuckoo, it's me. I'm very sorry, but I have to back out on being your COUGH-you-were-already-a-friggin'-bride-fool!-COUGH bridesmaid because I really just can't afford the expense. I also won't be able to attend your COUGH-you-are-married-with-children-the-jig-is-up-COUGH bachelorette party or your SNEEZE-do-you-really-need-a-new-frying-pan-this-badly-SNEEZE bridal shower.

Then send her a bag of marbles as her shower gift as she has obviously lost hers.

ROTFLMAO.

Now, I'm on the flip side of this...I had no bachelorette party ...one of these days I'd like to have the b. party...no renewal of vows or anything (I refuse to spend that much time worrying about one hairstyle ever again.)