Renewing vows is sweet... but bachelorette party!?!?

[LovelyHearts]

I wanted to get everyone''s opnion on this subject, because sometimes I think I''m being a bad friend and other times, I think I''m outraged!

My good friend and her husband are renewing their vows at the end of this year for their 10 year anniversary. She asked me to be a bridesmaid, and I agreed. I didn''t realize that there are bridesmaids when vows are renewed, but I want to be supportive. I always pictured the vow renewal ceremony to have the couple at the alter confessing their love for each other and how they will continue to love each other forever,etc etc.

The first time I cringed is when she sent out a mass email to her bridal party with the information on the dress she wanted us to order. When I saw that the price tag was $200 for just the dress, I was pretty shocked, but I was still trying to be a supportive friend.

The last straw that made me think "well, wait a minute, I thought you were renewing your vows, not getting married again" was this weekend when her cousin sent out an email about her bachelorette party. They want to go on a Mexico cruise or join the guys (the groomsmen, I assume) in Vegas for the weekend.

Anyone renew their vows? Or know of someone that did? If so, was it like a wedding? Are there bachelorette/bachelor/bridal shower type parties involved?

 

[decodelighted]

LMAO ... WOW!!! That chick *really* wants attention, no? Unbelievable! Do they have kids? Bored? What could be going on with same adults that would cause them to so totally lose their marbles in front of all their friends & family. LAUGHINGSTOCK time.

Are you close? Can you pull her aside & talk frankly. I see TRAIN WRECK ahead.

 

[icekid]

Look out; next she is going to be asking you to host her bridal shower, too! I think I''d back out of this "vow renewal" and run far away.

 

[Mara]

awww obviously this gal is super excited about this and probably going a little over the top with it. was their first wedding a huge affair? if not maybe she wants to have something she never did.

frankly if you aren''t on board with whatever she wants to do (it''s her party...) then i''d bow out now. there''s nothing worse than someone who is mentally going ''are you serious'' in your wedding party...i''ve seen it too many times. it would be bad for you, bad for her, bad for your friendship. let other gals deal with it.

i personally love the thought of renewing your vows every 10 years but i imagine it will be just us at some altar...we hope to do it in different locales each time, too fun.

 

[LovelyHearts]

She is a great girl with a good head on her shoulders, and I didn''t mean for it to sound like she was looking for attention. She did get married when she was young at 18 years old, but it was a good size wedding, so I don''t think she''s trying to make up for it. I''m not sure what her intentions are behind the big party to renew her vows, but I do know that I probably won''t be able to support her 100% the way someone part of a bridal party should. I am going to talk to her this week, and just let her know that I have too much on my plate and maybe use the excuse that it''s not fair to her, which is not a complete lie. i do have a lot going on... I just hope it''s not too late to back out ... The ceremony is in December.

 

[cnspotts]

I have mixed feelings on these.

Sweet if it's intimate and tastesfully small.

If it's a full blown wedding.

My first experience was post VR to a man who's mother had done this with her 2nd husband (who just happen to be the grown son of her first husband by another woman). I've never quite gotten over that. At least no one had to change their names.

It was a full blown wedding again.

 

[cnspotts]

Confused?

 

[MustangGal]

cnspots, all I can say is

!

LovelyHearts - It does seem way over the top to me too. A girls night out is one thing, but a full on bachelorette party just does not seem right for someone that has been married 10 years!

Although my cousin did something similar for her 10th anniversary, but they were married in vegas the first time so I think she missed having the big affair.

 

[ChinaCat]

To each his own, but this did make me go

.

That being said, if this is what she wants to do and you're a good friend, then I guess support her. But it seems a bit odd IMO (and depending on how it's done, either sweet or tacky).

Vow renewal/girls night out- sweet
Full blown ceremony with BRIDEMAIDS AND BM dresses- over the top
Cruise to Mexico- fun for all regardless of the reason (assuming you can afford both time/money to go)

From your POV, it just seems like a lot to ask.

 

[LovelyHearts]

Date: 3/17/2010 5:30:30 PM
Author: cnspotts
I have mixed feelings on these.

Sweet if it''s intimate and tastesfully small.

If it''s a full blown wedding.

My first experience was post VR to a man who''s mother had done this with her 2nd husband (who just happen to be the grown son of her first husband by another woman). I''ve never quite gotten over that. At least no one had to change their names.

It was a full blown wedding again.

Oh my! I''m snot sure of what to say.

I just don''t think that a bachelorette party for someone that''s been married for 10 years is a good idea. She has kids too so I don''t see how she is able to justify having a bachelorette weekend getaway... but either way, for me, it''s not only just the title of the getaway, but also the financial obligation. Is it normal nowadays to spend $700-1K to be part of the bridal party? Maybe I''m just out of the loop.... I was in 2 weddings before and I don''t remember spending this much money.

 

[Maisie]

I think its a nice idea and she does sound really excited. If the dress is a bit out of your reach just tell her. I''m sure she will help you out. I think the only thing that would seem a bit off is if they send out a gift list.

 

[hmr_mama]

Here''s my opinion...for what it''s worth:

I think a vow renewal is awesome. I plan to do it with my hubby at some point (maybe not a 10 yr--but sometime). My idea of a vow renewal is the married couple standing up in front of their loved ones and reciting their vows. No dresses (except for the wife). No flower girls. Shoot....no flowers. Just the two of them. But having said that I think it''s a very sweet sentiment....having their close (I hope she''s not having 5-6 bridesmaids) friends stand with them while they renew their lives together. And--as a SAHM--I would jump on a reason to go to Vegas (okay...maybe not Vegas...I got severe food poisoning the last time I went)....or on a Mexican cruise with my grown up friends. BUT...as a SAHM with limited vacations...I would probably choose to use my "vacation time" to go on a vacay with my husband. Do you have kids? Is it too much of her to ask?

I don''t think you have to be TOTALLY on board to be a good bridesmaid. I was a bridesmaid for a friend that got married when we were 19. I thought it was stupid. She didn''t love him....she just wanted to get married. 3 years later they were divorced. It''s not important to be a bridesmaid...it''s important you''re her friend. Friendship is being a friend in the good times (when she''s sane) and bad (when she wants you to buy a $200 dress/go a Mexican cruise/etc.).

Sorry if this sounds like a rant....I may have had a glass (or two) of Sangria.....

 

[lulu]

PP doesn''t seem to be around. So here''s what I''m thinking and she''d say---"tacky".

 

[NYCsparkle]

is she kidding me?!?!?!?!

renewal is one thing, but a full blown bachelorette party and bm dresses?!??!!?

i think its tacky to ask people to spend $$$ on bm dresses if you are already married. is she expecting a shower and gifts too?

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 3/17/2010 9:16:44 PM
Author: lulu
PP doesn''t seem to be around. So here''s what I''m thinking and she''d say---''tacky''.

LOL I was thinking the same thing.

If this girl hadn''t gotten her big wedding the first time, I might be a lot more understanding. But it just seems like an excuse for a party - and who the heck needs an excuse? Go party!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 3/17/2010 9:16:44 PM
Author: lulu
PP doesn't seem to be around. So here's what I'm thinking and she'd say---'tacky'.

Ha, ditto. And I might get flamed for this but I really don't get the whole vow renewal thing, especially the big party type. You're still married! What is it for?

Wait-do the vows expire?! My parents have been married for 42 years and they haven't renewed their vows once!

Must call them ASAP and tell them to plan huge, inappropriate vow renewal bash.

 

[MonkeyPie]

My parents and grandparents reached their 25th and 50th anniversaries the same year, and had a vow renewal and party

Now THAT was cute, and meaningful.

 

[LovelyHearts]

Date: 3/17/2010 11:29:27 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 3/17/2010 9:16:44 PM
Author: lulu
PP doesn''t seem to be around. So here''s what I''m thinking and she''d say---''tacky''.

Ha, ditto. And I might get flamed for this but I really don''t get the whole vow renewal thing, especially the big party type. You''re still married! What is it for?

Wait-do the vows expire?! My parents have been married for 42 years and they haven''t renewed their vows once!

Must call them ASAP and tell them to plan huge, inappropriate vow renewal bash.

Haha! ROFLMAO!! I just had to comment on your post first. That''s exactly what my best friend said! I think "renewing vows" is the wrong choice of words. I would love to stand in front of an alter with my husband at a caribbean vacation with my close family on our 25 year anniversary to tell him how much I love and honor him and to thank him for everything he''s done for me. That''s my idea of "renewing vows". Maybe it should be called "confirming vows"?

 

[Kaleigh]

I know this is a popular thing, so fine...

BUT if you do so, you ask people to come and and witness the vows.....


YOU don't redo the wedding and have bridesmaids etc....

Renewing the vows is something that is centered around the husband and wife...


And the audience is there to support them in doing so...

 

[decodelighted]

Its like, if you want a vacation with your friends .. PLAN a vacation with your friends. You don''t need an *excuse*. Which is why it just all seems to be about being the center of attention.

These are the same people still trying to get toys from their Dentist.

 

[LovelyHearts]

I agree that I would not mind (actually I''d be all over it!) a girl''s night out, or maybe a spa day. THAT sounds like fun. But I''d rather not do anything that requires an overnight stay.

Another strange thing about this situation is that she doesn''t sound excited about it. She sounds stressed out. When I talk to her, she tells me she has to put a deposit for this or that, she has to book this or that still, she has a wedding binder that she''s using to organize everything and her daughter who will be 3 by then is going to be one of the flower girls. She has a maid of honor and 8 bridesmaids. I don''t really understand. I think she''s going to be spending thousands on this party. But she''s married! I love her and her family, but I don''t know how to approach this situation with her. I have to find a way to get out of this... sooner than later..

I just got an email literally 5 minutes ago about a bridal shower on top of the bachelorette party.... oh dear...

I have 2 small kids (2 years old and 11 months old). She has 3 kids (12, 7 and 2). I don''t think my husband will be too happy if I spend that much money on all the necessities to be a part of this wedding. I don''t get alot of vacation time either, so I would rather spend the time I do have with my husband. I know all you moms understand what I''m saying that getting a babysitter or asking someone to watch my kids overnight is ALOT and if I do get that time, I''d rather go on a cruise with my husband.

 

[TravelingGal]

Vow renewals are just that...renewing your bloody vows. Bridesmaids dresses are for maids of the BRIDE. Bachelorette parties are, you guessed it, for the bachelorette. Neither the bride or the bachelorette has already been married for ten years!

Perhaps for her "wedding" gift, you should get her a DICTIONARY?

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 3/17/2010 11:50:12 PM
Author: LovelyHearts
Another strange thing about this situation is that she doesn't sound excited about it. She sounds stressed out. When I talk to her, she tells me she has to put a deposit for this or that, she has to book this or that still, she has a wedding binder that she's using to organize everything and her daughter who will be 3 by then is going to be one of the flower girls. She has a maid of honor and 8 bridesmaids. I don't really understand. I think she's going to be spending thousands on this party. But she's married! I love her and her family, but I don't know how to approach this situation with her. I have to find a way to get out of this... sooner than later..

I just got an email literally 5 minutes ago about a bridal shower on top of the bachelorette party.... oh dear...

Oooh boy. This doesn't sound good at all. Not to be snarky (but it is going to be totally snarky) -- this sounds like Divorceville. JMHO: People who are happy don't go around announcing that they are happy in front of everyone & having a big happy party to celebrate their happiness. The fact that this is spiraling into a huge deal makes me wonder what they are AVOIDING. (Free Unprofessional Psychoanalysis by proxy!) And yes I know how often I say this. Has anyone else noticed how often it turns out to be TRUE?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 3/17/2010 11:50:12 PM
Author: LovelyHearts
I agree that I would not mind (actually I''d be all over it!) a girl''s night out, or maybe a spa day. THAT sounds like fun. But I''d rather not do anything that requires an overnight stay.

Another strange thing about this situation is that she doesn''t sound excited about it. She sounds stressed out. When I talk to her, she tells me she has to put a deposit for this or that, she has to book this or that still, she has a wedding binder that she''s using to organize everything and her daughter who will be 3 by then is going to be one of the flower girls. She has a maid of honor and 8 bridesmaids. I don''t really understand. I think she''s going to be spending thousands on this party. But she''s married! I love her and her family, but I don''t know how to approach this situation with her. I have to find a way to get out of this... sooner than later..

I just got an email literally 5 minutes ago about a bridal shower on top of the bachelorette party.... oh dear...

I have 2 small kids (2 years old and 11 months old). She has 3 kids (12, 7 and 2). I don''t think my husband will be too happy if I spend that much money on all the necessities to be a part of this wedding. I don''t get alot of vacation time either, so I would rather spend the time I do have with my husband. I know all you moms understand what I''m saying that getting a babysitter or asking someone to watch my kids overnight is ALOT and if I do get that time, I''d rather go on a cruise with my husband.

....wait....do you hear that? listen closely and you''ll hear it..........

*cuc-koo, cuuc-koooooooooo...*

 

[hmr_mama]

Date: 3/17/2010 11:51:52 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Vow renewals are just that...renewing your bloody vows. Bridesmaids dresses are for maids of the BRIDE. Bachelorette parties are, you guessed it, for the bachelorette. Neither the bride or the bachelorette has already been married for ten years!

Perhaps for her ''wedding'' gift, you should get her a DICTIONARY?

hahahahahahahahahahaha..........

 

[LovelyHearts]

Date: 3/17/2010 11:51:52 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Vow renewals are just that...renewing your bloody vows. Bridesmaids dresses are for maids of the BRIDE. Bachelorette parties are, you guessed it, for the bachelorette. Neither the bride or the bachelorette has already been married for ten years!

Perhaps for her ''wedding'' gift, you should get her a DICTIONARY?

OMG you totally caught me by surprise. That is hilarious.

Okay, I feel like I opened a can of worms, because she''s not crazy ... she''s actually (usually) pretty bright .. and she''s educated. She''s a pediatric nurse. She''s a great gal, I just don''t understand her intentions. Honestly, if I had that much money to blow, I''d rather upgrade my ring to a huge rock OR buy a new car in cash? Okay, here I go again with the can of worms...

What do I say to her without offending her? I need to get out of this.

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 3/17/2010 11:59:26 PM
Author: hmr_mama

Date: 3/17/2010 11:51:52 PM

Author: TravelingGal

Vow renewals are just that...renewing your bloody vows. Bridesmaids dresses are for maids of the BRIDE. Bachelorette parties are, you guessed it, for the bachelorette. Neither the bride or the bachelorette has already been married for ten years!


Perhaps for her ''wedding'' gift, you should get her a DICTIONARY?

hahahahahahahahahahaha..........

When you call her to bow out, please be kind enough to mention that this is involving more than you expected. Maybe she''ll take the hint... ?

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 3/17/2010 11:54:32 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 3/17/2010 11:50:12 PM

Author: LovelyHearts

I agree that I would not mind (actually I''d be all over it!) a girl''s night out, or maybe a spa day. THAT sounds like fun. But I''d rather not do anything that requires an overnight stay.

Another strange thing about this situation is that she doesn''t sound excited about it. She sounds stressed out. When I talk to her, she tells me she has to put a deposit for this or that, she has to book this or that still, she has a wedding binder that she''s using to organize everything and her daughter who will be 3 by then is going to be one of the flower girls. She has a maid of honor and 8 bridesmaids. I don''t really understand. I think she''s going to be spending thousands on this party. But she''s married! I love her and her family, but I don''t know how to approach this situation with her. I have to find a way to get out of this... sooner than later..

I just got an email literally 5 minutes ago about a bridal shower on top of the bachelorette party.... oh dear...

I have 2 small kids (2 years old and 11 months old). She has 3 kids (12, 7 and 2). I don''t think my husband will be too happy if I spend that much money on all the necessities to be a part of this wedding. I don''t get alot of vacation time either, so I would rather spend the time I do have with my husband. I know all you moms understand what I''m saying that getting a babysitter or asking someone to watch my kids overnight is ALOT and if I do get that time, I''d rather go on a cruise with my husband.

....wait....do you hear that? listen closely and you''ll hear it..........

*cuc-koo, cuuc-koooooooooo...*

Ha, I didn''t even have to listen that closely to hear it! It''s more like CUC-KOO, CUUC-KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

A bridal shower?! Seriously?! SHE IS NOT A BRIDE.

And ditto the free unprofessional psychoanalysis by deco-see Jon & Kate vow renewal!

 

[LAJennifer]

Date: 3/18/2010 12:24:58 AM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 3/17/2010 11:54:32 PM

Author: TravelingGal

Date: 3/17/2010 11:50:12 PM


Author: LovelyHearts


I agree that I would not mind (actually I''d be all over it!) a girl''s night out, or maybe a spa day. THAT sounds like fun. But I''d rather not do anything that requires an overnight stay.


Another strange thing about this situation is that she doesn''t sound excited about it. She sounds stressed out. When I talk to her, she tells me she has to put a deposit for this or that, she has to book this or that still, she has a wedding binder that she''s using to organize everything and her daughter who will be 3 by then is going to be one of the flower girls. She has a maid of honor and 8 bridesmaids. I don''t really understand. I think she''s going to be spending thousands on this party. But she''s married! I love her and her family, but I don''t know how to approach this situation with her. I have to find a way to get out of this... sooner than later..


I just got an email literally 5 minutes ago about a bridal shower on top of the bachelorette party.... oh dear...


I have 2 small kids (2 years old and 11 months old). She has 3 kids (12, 7 and 2). I don''t think my husband will be too happy if I spend that much money on all the necessities to be a part of this wedding. I don''t get alot of vacation time either, so I would rather spend the time I do have with my husband. I know all you moms understand what I''m saying that getting a babysitter or asking someone to watch my kids overnight is ALOT and if I do get that time, I''d rather go on a cruise with my husband.

....wait....do you hear that? listen closely and you''ll hear it..........


*cuc-koo, cuuc-koooooooooo...*

Ha, I didn''t even have to listen that closely to hear it! It''s more like CUC-KOO, CUUC-KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


A bridal shower?! Seriously?! SHE IS NOT A BRIDE.


And ditto the free unprofessional psychoanalysis by deco-see Jon & Kate vow renewal!

Another ditto here for deco''s psychoanalysis. My wedding was in Hawaii and my bro and his wife decided to take a day during their trip to renew their vows for their 10th anniversary. They went off by themselves - didn''t have guests or anything (just an officiant, a photographer, and a ring upgrade). A year later she was having an affair with her pregnant best friend''s husband.

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 3/17/2010 5:30:30 PM
Author: cnspotts
I have mixed feelings on these.

Sweet if it''s intimate and tastesfully small.

If it''s a full blown wedding.

My first experience was post VR to a man who''s mother had done this with her 2nd husband (who just happen to be the grown son of her first husband by another woman). I''ve never quite gotten over that. At least no one had to change their names.

It was a full blown wedding again.

Ditto. It sounds like this is going to turn into an extravaganza (not in a good way).