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Push presents - your thoughts and experiences?

Circe

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So ... "push presents" (I use the quotes because I hate the phrase, but it's the easiest way to communicate the concept of a we-had-a-baby-and-you-did-the-hard-part! present). What've your experiences been? Did your spouses surprise you? If so ... of their own volition, or if you introduced the topic, how? If you chose together, what did you decide on?
 

missy

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Before PS I had never heard of "push" presents. We do not have kids but I like the idea LOL.
However, when I mentioned it to my sister she was aghast at the concept. I, on the other hand, think it is a great idea as long as both individuals of the couple are on board. None of my friends have done the "push" presents either. Not sure if it is regional or what.
 

Tacori E-ring

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I like the phrase. I think it is funny, but then again I have been told I have an unique sense of humor. :evil: Then again I pushed for THREE STRAIGHT HOURS so the term has meaning to me. I have also heard it referred to as "baby babble." I cannot really remember how the topic came up but my DH was on board so who am I to refuse? I love the ring I chose and know someday my daughter will love wearing it (she already asks to). My DH had nothing to do with the process except agreeing on the budget. He is not into jewelry but he is into making me happy.
 

centralsquare

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I had friends that did get gifts but the phrase "push present" is something I've just heard here. I don't think it's super common where I live though.
 

Dreamer_D

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I also dislike the term "push present". I don't look at it so much as a gift from my husband to reward me for all my hard work :rolleyes: If it was compensation then I deserved much more!

I bought my own baby rings each time. They are cherished pieces. Small but perfectly formed as they say 8)

dreamerryderring12.jpg
 

charbie

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Many of my friends have received something nice to signify the birth of their child...jewelry or whatnot.

I simply asked DH what he was giving me as a push present. He looked confused, which I expected, since gifting is NOT his forte. I explained the concept to him, and he said, "Oh. You mean the kid isn't a gift enough? :confused: "
Funny enough, the next day yahoo had a front page human interest article on the subject the next day. I sent it to him, and he still thought it was quite goofy. When I bought my petunia pickle bottom diaper bag (more expensive than most bags I own), he said, "you can have that as your push present." My turn for the :confused: . I ended up returning the first PPB bag I bought in favor of a less expensive PPB bag that I liked better anyways.

I think the idea of a push present now has him stressed I haven't really brought it up again, but he proclaimed the other day he will not be getting me one since our anniversary is less than a month after the due date. I said he can combine the two gifts, and get me something nice, and he doesn't have to call it a push present, but rather a gift to celebrate our love and new family member. I doubt it will be over $250.
 

movie zombie

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i had not heard of the phrase until P* either.......but then i'm one of the older ones here and always thought having a healthy baby to love and cherish was enough of a present........
 

MissStepcut

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I whole-heartedly endorse the idea. Women typically sacrifice so much more when a woman has children; I think it's lovely when men splash out on a way of thanking them. That said, my SO pointed out that it's a wretched time in a young couple's life to be indulging in jewelry. My push present will almost certainly be a Stokke stroller, which is certainly still luxurious and indulgent, but plays better into my SO's ideas of providing for and preparing for a baby.
 

iheartscience

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My BIL bought my sister a jewelry gift when she had each of their two kids. He picked them both out on his own and surprised her with them in the hospital. It was really sweet. I think jewelry is the perfect gift to mark a momentous occasion like a baby, so I see no problem with it!
 

Circe

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movie zombie|1314547935|3003557 said:
i had not heard of the phrase until P* either.......but then i'm one of the older ones here and always thought having a healthy baby to love and cherish was enough of a present........

See, gotta say - and this isn't aimed at you MoZo, 'cause I've heard the same frequently - I hate that way of thinking about it! But it is what prompted the thread, sort of - I was reading an article about the phenomenon, and the comments were full of considerably more disapproving statements.

I've got a complicated history of pregnancy loss, so I'm the first person to prioritize the healthy baby part. But at the same time, should I get to the healthy baby part of things? That's a gift from God/the universe/my very talented high-risk ob-gyn practitioner, etc., etc., etc. My husband took excellent care of me during the first pregnancy, just like he is during this one: the rest is luck of the draw.

And that said ... I think it's nice to have commemorative items that remind you of achievements and accomplishments and the people you love congratulating you on your hard work. Like, I'm never going to forget that I earned my Ph.D. - I remember every time I grade a paper! - but it's also nice to, say, put on the (hideously ugly, btw) ring that my folks got me to mark the occasion, or the earrings my now-husband, then-fiance bought me and think "aw."

I guess I just wonder why the push present in particular can be so contentious - is it because we still associate "motherhood" and "selflessness?" Is is because there's a modern stereotype of women as being greedy, grasping, materialistic, from the need for the neologism "bridezilla" onwards? Is it an outgrowth from the backlash we're seeing against the tradition of the engagement ring? What?
 

Tacori E-ring

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I look it as celebrating my child's birth. Of course having a healthy child is a miracle and a gift onto itself. That's a ridiculous to say jewelry is more important than that. :nono: NO ONE here is saying that. Bottom line is each person can decide if it is right for them (financially and emotionally). My sister had no interest. Works for them.
 

NovemberBride

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I received a 5 carat tennis bracelet as a push present for the birth of our daughter. I had sent a link to DH, but had no idea he had bought it. The evening we came home from the hospital we had family and friends over to meet DD. DH broke out a bottle of champagne, toasted me to thank me for giving him his beautiful daughter then gave me the bracelet later after everyone had left. I will never forget that day and my husband's beautiful words to me, but it is quite lovely to have the bracelet as a reminder. I plan to pass it down to DD one day since it was a gift given in commemoration of her birth. I in no way think that a push present takes away from the birth of DD, and I hate when people say "the baby was gift enough for me". Of course my beautiful DD was more than gift enough for me, that doesn't mean I can't appreciate a lovely gesture from my DH. I realize that the gift I received was quite expensive, but it was paid in cash and did not affect any of our other financial goals. Of course I would not encourage anyone to go into debt for a push present or to use money needed to support your family. Most of my friends have received push presents, ranging in price from a few hundred to thousands of dollars, but all equally special and given with equal amounts of love.
 

Jennifer W

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Circe, I think it's also just part of the general need that people seem to have now to name things and put a label on them, ideally a cutesy one. You don't have one child any more, you're "one and done" for example. It isn't a ring or necklace etc to commemorate the birth of a child, it's a push present... It's just the name I don't like, not the concept. I think it's a lovely idea to celebrate a birth with a piece of jewellery.

I had a lot of fun picking out a piece to mark the birth of our daughter, though. I wanted something that I could wear in the meantime, my Amelia ring, but something that I could either pass on to her one day or have re-modelled into something for each of us. So, on her wedding / civil partnership day / birth of her first child / other significant event, I can give her maybe a pendant or a three stone ring and still have something of that for myself. If I keep the original setting, when I'm gone she'll have the option of putting all 5 asschers back there and wearing it as I wore it. I like the idea of us each having some of the stones during my lifetime.

It wasn't a reward, an incentive, or anything even close. It was a little celebration, and a little treat for all of us (my husband quite enjoys projects like this).

edited to see if I could make some sense here... ;))
 

movie zombie

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i like the idea of an upscale stroller, etc. i appreciate that many couples are not economically challenged and/or their husbands decide to surprise them. it is the idea that a push present is expected or even requested.....but then i'm old fashioned in this regard. each to their own. what works for one does not work for another. no foul either way.
 

Autumnovember

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I don't have any kids yet...but I'll post my thoughts anyway.

I never ever heard of 'push' presents before PS. I think they're great if that is what you're into but I don't think I'll be someone to get one. Not because FI wouldn't want to get me one but because I'd ask him not to.

I'm also the same person that doesn't want to have a baby shower in the future and also asked FI NOT to get me any wedding gift. Something just feels weird about all 3 of those thing. Can't put my finger on it. It's possible that the name really throws me off...it just sounds.....bad?

It's also possible that there are a lot of other ways I can think of to commemorate a childs birth.. Jewelery is not one of them, for ME.
 

Mrsacornblue

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I love having something tangible such as jewelry to commemorate a special event. A birth would be no different. However, I'd likely be picking out my own as DH seems to think that the days of surprising me with jewelry are over since he proposed... :angryfire:
 

iheartscience

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Yeah I don't get why people are offended at the thought of a gift marking the birth of a child. I think it really must have something to do with women being expected to sacrifice everything when they have kids. For example, why is an expensive stroller okay, but not jewelry? Jewelry will last a lot longer! I guess since the stroller is for the baby and not the gold digging mother, it's acceptable?

I mean no one would bat an eye if a husband bought his wife jewelry for say, an anniversary, or her birthday.
 

Tacori E-ring

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thing2of2|1314552698|3003634 said:
For example, why is an expensive stroller okay, but not jewelry? Jewelry will last a lot longer! I guess since the stroller is for the baby and not the gold digging mother, it's acceptable?

I mean no one would bat an eye if a husband bought his wife jewelry for say, an anniversary, or her birthday.

Amen sister! I know of a stroller brand that costs the same as my Tessa ring...true I am sure they could resell the stroller and recoup 50% of what they spent but it is gone, done, over. And guess what?!? You don't NEED a super fancy stroller so that seems just as materialistic to me as jewelry. My gift is something I can wear, enjoy, and pass down to my child. How special. I don't get jewelry for every anniversary or birthday. We just had our 5th and I didn't get anything which I am fine with. Also, my band does not mean any less because my DH did not surprise me. I enjoyed researching and picking it out myself.
 

ksinger

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movie zombie|1314551334|3003601 said:
i like the idea of an upscale stroller, etc. i appreciate that many couples are not economically challenged and/or their husbands decide to surprise them. it is the idea that a push present is expected or even requested.....but then i'm old fashioned in this regard. each to their own. what works for one does not work for another. no foul either way.

Just musing here, but the negative reactions could be an unconcious reaction to the "class" ness of if. I know, I'd never heard of such things until this site, although, I HAVE read about the upper crust of different eras - royalty, nobility, etc, giving such things. But the common folk? Never. And for the people for whom something like that is out of reach financially, it could just be another manufactured "expectation" that they can't meet. Can make people cranky.

Again, just musing.
 

Skippy123

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I absolutely HATE the phrase, but that is just me! :knockout:
Not sure why it bothers me. I like a commemorative item in honor of your baby, sounds much more classy to me. lol :bigsmile:

Hubby wanted to get me something in honor of my boys. I have a decent budget but since prices are too high I think I will wait or maybe save it for something that we can use for the whole family. ;)) Hubby knows not to just go buy something because I might exchange, etc. His thinking is that diamonds to me are like electronics to him. He wouldn't want me going and buying some electronic for him as where he would make a better choice.
 

Skippy123

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ksinger|1314553545|3003641 said:
movie zombie|1314551334|3003601 said:
i like the idea of an upscale stroller, etc. i appreciate that many couples are not economically challenged and/or their husbands decide to surprise them. it is the idea that a push present is expected or even requested.....but then i'm old fashioned in this regard. each to their own. what works for one does not work for another. no foul either way.

Just musing here, but the negative reactions could be an unconcious reaction to the "class" ness of if. I know, I'd never heard of such things until this site, although, I HAVE read about the upper crust of different eras - royalty, nobility, etc, giving such things. But the common folk? Never. And for the people for whom something like that is out of reach financially, it could just be another manufactured "expectation" that they can't meet. Can make people cranky.

Again, just musing.

that makes sense. You are very thoughtful ksinger to everyone around you.
 

Haven

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I had never heard of push presents until PS either, but I *had* heard of women getting gifts of jewelry to commemorate the birth of a child.

I think we need to celebrate the hell out of every good thing that happens in life, because it is short and fleeting and we never know how much longer we'll have, so I love the idea of push presents. They're like one more infusion of sugar into the recipe--it may not be necessary, but it sure does make everything a little bit sweeter, so if you have the sugar to spare, why not?
 

ksinger

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Skippy123|1314553897|3003649 said:
ksinger|1314553545|3003641 said:
movie zombie|1314551334|3003601 said:
i like the idea of an upscale stroller, etc. i appreciate that many couples are not economically challenged and/or their husbands decide to surprise them. it is the idea that a push present is expected or even requested.....but then i'm old fashioned in this regard. each to their own. what works for one does not work for another. no foul either way.

Just musing here, but the negative reactions could be an unconcious reaction to the "class" ness of if. I know, I'd never heard of such things until this site, although, I HAVE read about the upper crust of different eras - royalty, nobility, etc, giving such things. But the common folk? Never. And for the people for whom something like that is out of reach financially, it could just be another manufactured "expectation" that they can't meet. Can make people cranky.

Again, just musing.

that makes sense. You are very thoughtful ksinger to everyone around you.

You're kind as always, Skippy, to say so, but no my dear, the truly and honestly thoughtful one is always YOU, hands down. I just have a quirky thought process from time to time. Probably out there a bit, but definitely quirky. ;-)
 

bee*

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I'd never heard of the term push present before I read about it on PS, though my dad did get my mam a piece of jewellery after she had myself and my sisters so it seems normal enough to me.
 

Jennifer W

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Yes, I would say that the gift of a piece of jewellery when a child is born is and has always been fairly common in the UK. I never heard of it being called a push present before PS, just a gift to celebrate the birth of a child. I don't suppose it matters much what you call it, now I think more about it. ;))
 

Lottie

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When we had our daughter my husband gave me a sapphire and diamond eternity ring. My 30th birthday and the birth of our son coincided so I chose a transition cut diamond ring. I love these rings because they are beautiful to look at and take me back to those early days of my childrens lives.

Another reason (apart from the obvious!) I like gifts that commemorate special moments in our lives, is that I feel that we are creating our own heirlooms to hand down and if I'm really lucky, one day I may have grandchildren who will be able to say 'this is a pair of earrings/necklace/ring' that my grandfather gave to my granny because.....

I know its a bit of a sentimental waffle but thats how I feel and when they were given to me I didn't care if it was called a 'Push Present" or any other name because I was too tired! :lol:
 

AmeliaG

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I'm starting to hear the term push present more other than on Pricescope but its not common. My father gave my mother a ring guard for her e-ring when I was born but it wasn't meant as a reward for all her hard labor. I think she would have been insulted. I am told the reason he got it was that at a few weeks old I let everybody know in no uncertain terms that I didn't like mom's marquise ring poking me. My dad didn't like all that money sitting in a jewelry box so he got her a ring guard.

She did get a pendant with all our birthstones when we were teenagers. I don't know whether she got it for herself or whether my dad got it. That was common for mothers when I was in high school, but I'm not seeing it with mothers today. They're getting jewelry - whether they are push presents I don't know but unless its an engagement ring, people aren't mentioning the occasion they've getting the new piece of jewelry.
 

Dancing Fire

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never heard of it before PS,just an excuse to get more jewelry.
 

charbie

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So I reread my response and realize that now I appear ungrateful for gifts my husband gives me, and that there is an expectation fo a push present.
Here's the thing: my husband didn't grow up in a traditional household, particularly when it came to gift giving, and the idea of giving a gift for really any reason other than Christmas or a birthday escapes him. And even on those occasions with a specific list of items for ideas....well, he manages to screw that up. And he doesnt really wrap presents...isn't the plastic bag that it came in from the store good enough? I would guess that DH did not see his dad give his mom one gift growing up, and I think part of "gifting" is a learned or cultural behavior.
I grew up in a household where my dad gave my mom nice jewelry for holidays, a coach purse for mother's day, and he would leave trinkets by our bedside and we would wake up to surprise gifts as a child for no particular reason. And presents were usually elaborately wrapped...my grandmother is the queen of bow making and will put a bow on just about anything.

Also, his family was quite poor, while I grew up quite comfortably. And now even though he has made such a different life from where he came from, he still sees a lot of things (like jewelry) as a totally useless luxury (funny how his big screen TVs are necessary, tho... :nono: )
I mean, even when we got engaged, he used his grandmothers ring, and while I love the sentimental reasons, he didn't fool me, I know it was bc it was practical (and free) that he gave it to me, even if he could have afforded something else.

So yes, if I ever want something as a "surprise" from my DH, I have to very specifically spell it out. My family is very sentimental, where as they just are very, umm, practical? I would love a gift to pass on to my daughter, to have for sentimental reasons, and it just doesn't even enter his brain as an occasion to mark with anything in particular without my suggesting.
 

Circe

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charbie|1314562593|3003748 said:
So I reread my response and realize that now I appear ungrateful for gifts my husband gives me, and that there is an expectation fo a push present.
Here's the thing: my husband didn't grow up in a traditional household, particularly when it came to gift giving, and the idea of giving a gift for really any reason other than Christmas or a birthday escapes him. And even on those occasions with a specific list of items for ideas....well, he manages to screw that up. And he doesnt really wrap presents...isn't the plastic bag that it came in from the store good enough? I would guess that DH did not see his dad give his mom one gift growing up, and I think part of "gifting" is a learned or cultural behavior.
I grew up in a household where my dad gave my mom nice jewelry for holidays, a coach purse for mother's day, and he would leave trinkets by our bedside and we would wake up to surprise gifts as a child for no particular reason. And presents were usually elaborately wrapped...my grandmother is the queen of bow making and will put a bow on just about anything.

Also, his family was quite poor, while I grew up quite comfortably. And now even though he has made such a different life from where he came from, he still sees a lot of things (like jewelry) as a totally useless luxury (funny how his big screen TVs are necessary, tho... :nono: )
I mean, even when we got engaged, he used his grandmothers ring, and while I love the sentimental reasons, he didn't fool me, I know it was bc it was practical (and free) that he gave it to me, even if he could have afforded something else.

So yes, if I ever want something as a "surprise" from my DH, I have to very specifically spell it out. My family is very sentimental, where as they just are very, umm, practical? I would love a gift to pass on to my daughter, to have for sentimental reasons, and it just doesn't even enter his brain as an occasion to mark with anything in particular without my suggesting.

I don't think you sounded ungrateful in the slightest, and I think you're approaching the issue in exactly the right way! I haven't talked to my husband about the whole push present idea, but he and I have had to have numerous conversations about gift-giving expectations, on both sides. Expecting your partner to be either, a) a mind-reader, or, b) so self-abnegating that they're blindly grateful for any little scrap sounds like a recipe for disaster, IMO.
 
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