PS Mommy thread with toddlers 12-36 months

[Dreamer_D]

Congrats on #2, Blen!!

Tacori - thanks for that info! It's very interesting!

Dreamer - I see that you mentioned Hunter getting sick a lot recently. D's being going through the same thing since she started a new, larger daycare. She's been there for 4 weeks and has been sick at least 3 of those weeks with cold, fever, and ringworm. The daycare has no official sick policy (I think because a lot of parents don't have 'anyone' to leave their children with?) so the children just pass the germs back and forth to each other, which is lovely. It's really frustrating having a constantly sick child, and then getting sick yourself - I feel your pain!

Sha it will (I hope) get better. Amelia was sick 7 out of 8 weeks (the one week she wasn't sick, she bonked her head at school and got a nasty bump). Now she seems to have much better immunity and minus the random runny nose, is fine.

Yes, it seemed for us to be the worst in the first 3-4 weeks and then it got a little better for a few weeks and then he basically was not sick for about 6 months! Now it is cold season and he changed rooms at his daycare, but we are still hopeful for a similar adjustment.

Apparently when they get sick a lot at this age they rarely get sick in preschool/kindergarten, so fingers crossed for us both Sha!

 

[lili]

Sha--
DD literally was sick the first week she was in daycare.
She started in Sept and so the first six months, we hardly have pictures of her w/o her snot face.
The good news is that their immune system do strengthen and it does get better.

I am surprised that your daycare is not more strict about sick babies.
For us, we have to keep our child at home if they have diarrhea, fever, and other contagious diseases.
The only exception is the cold.

 

[Sha]

Sha--
DD literally was sick the first week she was in daycare.
She started in Sept and so the first six months, we hardly have pictures of her w/o her snot face.
The good news is that their immune system do strengthen and it does get better.

I am surprised that your daycare is not more strict about sick babies.
For us, we have to keep our child at home if they have diarrhea, fever, and other contagious diseases.
The only exception is the cold.

Yes, I was surprised as well that they didn't have an official sick policy. I never asked why but I really should.... I guess the owner would say that it's hard on most parents to take days off work, etc.? But then, it seems unfair for all the babies to get sick because of one. Anyhoo, that's the only negative about the place so far. D seems to like it there and they have a good structure and opportunities for stimulation. I'm just hoping she gets over the 'immunity hump' soon.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

The daycare my daughter does to actually has a sick wing with a nurse on staff. Of course you do have to pay a fee for your child to stay there but it is great for parents who don't have flexible time off. My kid has been fairly healthy. We have only had one sick visit in her 3 years and has only had a handful of colds and the flu twice. Her dad and I don't sick often so not sure if that has anything to do with it.

Tessa is hysterical. Her new thing is to have privacy when she goes to the bathroom. She actually will close the door, flush, and wash her hands on her own. Of course I have to go and re-wipe her but she is so independent. She barely needs me! This week was rough b/c she was off from school. She missed her friends so much and asked if she could go to school yesterday. She is very excited for tomorrow (as am I)!!!

Another funny thing is she can dress and undress herself so she will randomly come in the room with a princess dress or something she was not wearing a few minutes before! It's always a surprise.

She is getting into x-mas this year. Her grandparents bought her a little silver tree with purple ornaments. She keeps talking about Santa and presents so, yes, I have caved and used Santa as a treat for being a good girl. I figure one month a year maybe she will behave. I am not too good for bribes, clearly.

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

 

[Sha]

The daycare my daughter does to actually has a sick wing with a nurse on staff. Of course you do have to pay a fee for your child to stay there but it is great for parents who don't have flexible time off. My kid has been fairly healthy. We have only had one sick visit in her 3 years and has only had a handful of colds and the flu twice. Her dad and I don't sick often so not sure if that has anything to do with it.

Tessa is hysterical. Her new thing is to have privacy when she goes to the bathroom. She actually will close the door, flush, and wash her hands on her own. Of course I have to go and re-wipe her but she is so independent. She barely needs me! This week was rough b/c she was off from school. She missed her friends so much and asked if she could go to school yesterday. She is very excited for tomorrow (as am I)!!!

Another funny thing is she can dress and undress herself so she will randomly come in the room with a princess dress or something she was not wearing a few minutes before! It's always a surprise.

She is getting into x-mas this year. Her grandparents bought her a little silver tree with purple ornaments. She keeps talking about Santa and presents so, yes, I have caved and used Santa as a treat for being a good girl. I figure one month a year maybe she will behave. I am not too good for bribes, clearly.

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

That's awesome! How convenient.

Sounds like Tessa is really becoming our own little woman!

 

[Pandora II]

Hi All!

Firstly, congratulations Blen on your news and congratulations Puffy on a baby girl!

Secondly, thank you all so much for the advice regarding Daisy's behaviour.

We've started sessions with a Child Psychotherapist which I was a bit leery about at first, but the referral was via the babygroup we got to on Mondays and I had a chat with one of the staff there last week about how I was feeling with the myriad of appointments and wanting more practical help than just therapy type talk.

Anyway, the second appointment was last Wednesday and went really well. They have great toys and Daisy really enjoys going - she's also incredibly well-behaved there, just as she is at playgroup. The therapist pointed out that I have been focusing a lot of my attention on the negative aspects of Daisy's behaviour rather than the very many positive aspects - much as my parents did with me I realise with horror!

She set me some 'homework' for this week which was to spend time each day playing with Daisy without giving her instructions, asking questions or trying to teach her anything but just commenting on what she is doing ie. saying 'you're playing with the doll', 'you're putting your dolly in the bed - that's nice' etc etc and to give a lot of praise for good behaviours at every stage such as 'good girl, you've let me put your shoes on' and ignore as much as possible any bad behaviours.

It's been really hard work - which suprised me - and I'm realising just how much I ask questions and issue instructions! Sounds ridiculous but even in 10 minutes of sitting on the floor just commenting on her play I keep having to catch myself from asking questions!

I don't know if it's my outlook or a real change in her behaviour but we've had far fewer tantrums so far this week, I've only really lost my temper once and I've really enjoyed being with Daisy. She's still stubborn and sassy and wants total control but there were far less battles despite my not giving in on things more or less than normal.

Her verbal skills have been increasing dramatically the last few weeks so that may have something to do with it. She'll still go for whinging first if she wants something but if it's ignored she will then ask using words. She's also learnt to use please and thank you, but hasn't got used to the fact that just because she says 'please' it doesn't automatically mean she can have/do things...

Fingers crossed that things continue to improve!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Sha, it's funny a 3 year old wants privacy but I give it to her.

Pandora, not sure if you noticed my previous threads but I am in a filio group (form of play therapy) and it is all about reflecting emotions and actions. Very interesting stuff. I find myself doing even out of the session and she likes it. I think children feel understood and accepted with reflecting comments. Glad Daisey is taking to it.

ETA: the major rules in play therapy is to follow the child's lead (children rarely feel in control), don't ask questions (it is tough!!!!!), and don't react negatively (ex. yell) if the child starts acting out.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Pandora I am so impressed with you taking the initiative to get some guidance when you noticed you needed it. Good for you! Please give as many updates as you can, I think it is so interesting to read about the suggestions that you have been given. I think we can all benefit from them, I know I can.

What is the logic about the "no questions" thing? Is it just because it is controlling or intrusive on their play?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

DD, I have my supervision in an hour so I can ask for you!!! I think it is b/c asking questions is a form of directing the play. Kids are constantly being told what to do, how to act, how to feel, or asked questions. They never really have a chance to be totally creative and in control. It is actually very difficult for me not to ask questions. I tape (am required to) my sessions and the first time my voice constantly rose at the end of my sentences. Even though I was not asking a question, it sounded like it. That is something I have had to work on.

Pandora, you should tape those 10 min exercises. It is helpful to go back and watch.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Interesting, I think you are right about questions = control.

I wonder how much of the play therapy ideas are based on our cultural values for parenting. I can see in another cuture that values compliance more than independence, then being very directive as a parent would be a good thing.

I am a very sit-back-and watch type parent in play times unless he wants to come over and get me involved. Glad to know it is not me being lazy and might actually be a good thing

 

[NovemberBride]

Hi mommas,

I am just dipping my toe in over here. I posted a lot on the newborn thread the first few months of DD's life, but I haven't posted much lately because life just got too hectic with going back to work and juggling the little one. Hopefully I'll be able to be more active in this thread now that we've got our routine down.

I have a question for the moms that bf'd their LOs - how long did it take for AF to return after you stopped or cut back? I have been nursing DD only once a day for several months now and it has still not returned. I know that for some women it does not return until you stop bf, but at only once a day I thought it would have returned. I am a little concerned because I actually never got AF after going off bc to TTC DD, after 6 months of TT with no AF, the Dr. prescribed Provera followed by Clomid and we got pregnant on the first cycle. We are not ready yet to TTC #2, but we probably will be in a few months. I am wondering if it's worth it to talk to the dr. now so that everything is sorted by the time we want to TTC or if I should just wait it out since I am still bfing DD.

 

[Dreamer_D]

NB I got my period when Hunter was 6mo and still exlusively BF, so my experience was different than yours for sure. I have other friends who did not have their AF return until much much later. How old is your DD? How long have you been on the once per day thing? If it was me, I would not go borrowing trouble and would wait until I was ready to TTC to look into it any further. I think what you describe is in the realm of normal in terms of nursing and fertility though.

 

[NovemberBride]

Thanks DD - My dd is 12 months and I've probably been on the once a month thing for 1.5-2 months and it was twice a day for 3-4 months before that. I know that there is no normal, but I am just paranoid because of my past experience and most of my friends and my mom got theirs back either while still bf or almost immediately after stopping. Thanks for the reassurance that I am within the realm of normal. Definitely not looking to TTC until next summer, I have my hands full with DD now and we have a international trip planned next spring with extended families and I would rather not be pregnant for that trip.

BTW - congrats on your pregnancy!

 

[Pandora II]

Thanks Dreamer - I've been amazed what just 2 sessions has started to do and I'm hoping that it will give me confidence in parenting in a healthy way. So frightening that even when you make a concious decision not to do certain things you will still model the way you were parented without even realising it!

I'll update on what goes on - I have also found a very good book called 'Parenting The Strong-Willed Child', it's aimed a slightly older children (2-5) but I think the exercises are just as appropriate with a younger child who is displaying challenging behaviours and so far the first chapter's exercises are identical to what I am doing with the psychotherapist.

Tacori - I noticed your posts on the play-therapy and it sounds similar in many ways. I'm very interested in your take on what goes on from a more 'professional' point of view than my 'patient' point of view.

Dreamer - the idea of narrating rather than questioning or instructing is to give the child a sense that you are actively interested and approving of her activities but that she is in control of what is happening and the decision makeing process.

An example I was given was to imagine how I would feel if I was colouring in a picture and someone stood over me saying: 'why don't you do that bit red?', 'colour that bit blue', 'why don't you do the background first'. Basically you'd want to hit them after a while and if you are like me you'd actively do the opposite of what you were told even if you did want to colour the bit in red! If someone stands there saying 'I really like that colour you're using', 'you're colouring in that tree so nicely', 'you're having a great time doing this picture' it gives a whole different set of emotions.

November - I got AF back at 16 months PP which almost exactly coincided with dropping from feeding every 3 hours day & night to every 5/6 hours during the day and every 3 during the night. I know the recommendations for using lactational amenorrhea (LAM) as a method of BC is that you must be feeding on demand day & night and breast-milk must be the major source of nutrition. If AF hasn't returned and you are feeding only once a day I would think that it is almost certainly not LAM that is causing this and would have things checked out by your doctor.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Thanks DD - My dd is 12 months and I've probably been on the once a month thing for 1.5-2 months and it was twice a day for 3-4 months before that. I know that there is no normal, but I am just paranoid because of my past experience and most of my friends and my mom got theirs back either while still bf or almost immediately after stopping. Thanks for the reassurance that I am within the realm of normal. Definitely not looking to TTC until next summer, I have my hands full with DD now and we have a international trip planned next spring with extended families and I would rather not be pregnant for that trip.

BTW - congrats on your pregnancy!

Thanks!

I am not a doctor, so my guess about it seeming normal is based just on the women I know who BF for a long time, but it does not seem that unusual not to have your period 12 months pp with BFing going on still. My one friend did not get hers after weaning her daughter at 10/12 months and then got pregnant before getting her period, and for my other friend she did not get hers until her DD was about 16 months (but was still BFing a fair amount). Others it was also in the 12 months or more range. Anyways, hopefully it is not an issue when you are ready, but until then I would personally just go with the flow. Even if it means you need a "jump start" would you go ahead with that now anyways?

Pandora I certainly see the logic there! I will ve curious to see how you find things as they progress. It is amazing how unconscious parenting often is, especially if you yourself are tired or run down in any way. Then automatic pilot really takes over.

 

[NovemberBride]

Pandora, thanks for your input. I will definitely see a dr. when I am closer to being ready to TTC, but I'll probably give it a few more months first to see if it comes back on its own since we aren't ready yet.

On the issue of parenting like your parents, I have been amazed already at how many things I have said and done to Olivia that are exactly the same as I remember my parents saying/doing to my brothers and me. Luckily they were pretty great parents, so I am not too concerned, but there are definitely some things they did with us that I would like to avoid and will have to be aware of in the future.

DD - I appreciate your input even though you aren't a dr., you seem pretty knowledgeable about these things and at this point I am more just looking for anecdotal evidence that I am in the range of normal. As I said above, I would definitely seek my doctor's advice prior to TTC if AF doesn't return before then, but you are right, I probably don't care for a jumpstart right now, going almost 2.5 years with no AF isn't half bad!

 

[phoenixgirl]

November, I got AF back when I dropped from 3x a day to 2x a day, around 11.5 months. Or was it when I went from 4x to 3x? In any event, I was still nursing but had cut back considerably. I say talk to your dr. for peace of mind and to have a plan for when you want to TTC #2 . . . nothing to lose. Hopefully it's just the nursing, though; everyone is different. I know lots of women who got AF back while still nursing a lot, whereas everyone in my playgroup still hasn't gotten theirs (babies are 9 and 13 months).

 

[Sha]

November, I got AF back two weeks ago - at 11 1/2 months PP. She just came out of nowhere - it was so strange. Before that, I was a bit concerned that she was taking so long to come, especially with DD sleeping through the night (except for a 2 am feeding) since about 6-7 months. I think what triggered her was cutting out the 2 am feeding, which I did at 11 months PP. That's consistent with the theory that AF is more likely to return once night feedings are completely eliminated, I guess. When I got her back I was bfeeding 3 times a day - morning, afternoon, and evening only.

Are you bf at night? If so, then that might be the reason AF has not returned. If it's during the day, I would *generally* think that AF *should* have returned by now, but then, many women don't get AF back until they wean completely, so you might just be one of those women.

Pandora - that's great to hear about the progress with Daisy! Very interesting info, too! Do keep us updated. Sounds like we could all use some of those tips.

Well, I guess I'm stepping fully into this thread today, since today is my daughters' birthday. I think she had a quiet but good day, with lots of kisses and 'happy birthday' songs sung to her over the phone. We're planning to have a little get-together on Saturday to celebrate properly with her.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

DD, okay I asked him and basically he confirmed what I mentioned. He also said saying innocent questions like, "Tessa does that make you happy?" Implies to her that she should be happy. In a therapy (and ideally life I guess) it is better to state "Tessa that makes you happy" and then she will agree or say, "I am not happy." (Which she totally has before BTW). Today we talked about encouraging vs. praise. Super interesting.

Nov, my period came back before I weened so I have no advice. If you are worried, call your doctor. Good luck!

Pandora, I am not yet a professional but I can try to answer any questions you have. I am starting to think EVERY parent should get a crash course in play therapy b/c it is so healthy for the child. It is amazing how many bad habits I now have to correct. Also, not sure if your therapist told you, but you are not suppose to label anything until the child does. So if she is drawing what you think may be a tree you can comment on the pretty lines she is drawing, or you have liked the colors she has chosen, but not to say tree unless she tells you that is what she is drawing.



So my critique went really well. My instructor told me I would be a talented play therapist and it is difficult for him to tell me what I even need to work on He is very impressed. It is always awesome to hear validation and made me rethink my career choice for a split second. Luckily I can always go back at a later date to get my play therapy certificate if that is something I am interested in.

 

[NovemberBride]

Sha, Happy Birthday to your sweet little girl! Congrats on making it through the first year.

Tacori, that sounds like a stellar review- it's always a nice boost to get praise from someone you respect. If you aren't going into play therapy, may I ask what you are studying towards?

Thanks to all for the feedback on AF, I'll give it till the New Year and just run it by my ob-gyn.

 

[Sha]

Thanks November!

Tacori - Fabulous! It sounds like you're very interested and intrigued by this field as well, in addition to being darn good at it!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Nov, I am going into the counseling field but plan to specialize in substance abuse counseling.

Sha, I am sure most of my interested is b/c I have a child. It is so interesting how our words really shape their little minds. Kind of scary.

 

[jas]

Drive by (we had a sewer backup in our basement -- all over the kids' playroom and my office)...

Nice work Tacori!

 

[jas]

Oh, and Blen! Puffy! HOOORAAAAYYYY

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Drive by (we had a sewer backup in our basement -- all over the kids' playroom and my office)...

Nice work Tacori!

Thanks friend Hope your basement gets dry soon! What a PITA!

 

[janinegirly]

tacori: great job on the review--I think play therapy could be a great direction for you if you ever do re-think your focus..clearly you are skilled in multiple areas! Regarding toddlers and privacy, C is the same way, but not potty trained of course. It is so funny...she goes to the same spot everytime and gets quiet (a sure sign of pooping in progress) and if anyone approaches her she says "no, go away!" and that is confirmation. T sounds like such a riot, I love that she changes her own outfits, I think she is an actress in the making .

jas: yikes, hope you get the basement sorted!

 

[PenelopeJane]

Hey mamas!!

Long time no post...been swamped with end of the year school things, t-day, b-days, etc. My birthday is this Sat. Keeping it low-key and taking the kids to Disney and seeing snow near our house...every year they bring in snow at a nearby shopping center and the kids get to sled and catch a small glimpse of what life is like for children up north.

I finished watching my friend's baby and it was very hectic to say the least. Glad I was able to help out but also very happy to have my little man all to myself again. He is doing well, eating like a grown man and has been very interested in letters to my surprise! We have different alphabet books, boards, blocks, etc and he now points out E, I, A and M when asked and is so proud of himself when he does, clapping and laughing at himself. He gets so excited everywhere we go since there are of course letters all around and especially likes them on the shopping cart handle.

We are starting time outs in the corner since he has swatted Penelope during energetic play. He's done it more than a few times and knows it's wrong as he quickly shuts his eyes tightly hoping nobody can see him...then pets P on the arm as if to say he's sorry. Aye-aye-aye. Hopefully he catches on to time-out quickly.

Need recommendations on cold weather gear. It's getting chilly here (by FL standards anyway) and P and her classmates have to sit outside the classroom before the bell rings. I've been dropping her off close to when the bell rings, but she's almost been tardy a few times and I need to get her a really good jacket. She has plenty of sweaters and hoodies but those alone aren't gonna cut it. Point me in the right direction please!

And i have to say TACORI--it's so great to hear how awesome you're doing! All this hard work is paying off for sure!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Tacori great news on your review! Does it feel more worth the work now?

Question Any tips for helping a toddler sleep when you are travelling and staying somewhere new? Also, any tips for travel beds that are bigger than a PNP? Hunter is a little big for his and I think it is not helping matters at all.

 

[Sabine]

Dreamer, is he in the same room as you or do you have a separate space for him? We always tried to get suites, but when we couldn't, we used a bedspread and whatever we could find (usually the drycleaning clips and hanger and the closet/bathroom door area) to block his pnp off from the rest of the room so he couldn't see us. And then we just kept his similar routine. He didn't nap great while traveling (usually only an hour when normal is 2), but he slept fine overnight. He still fits in the pnp though. I've seen travel cots or little tented beds from onestepahead.com, but I don't know if those would work if he's not in a big boy bed yet at home.

Penelope, we're in FL and Jacks is wearing a fleece lined jacket from Old Navy. It has a hood that snaps under the chin, which is great because he won't keep a hat on.

 

[NovemberBride]

DD -My friend's little boy has also outgrown the PNP and she got some sort of blow-up bed with rails that she uses at her mom's house. I will try to find out exactly what it is and post a link. I know she's been really happy with it.