PS Mommy thread with toddlers 12-36 months

[Tacori E-ring]

Janine, thanks for the birthday wishes. Still can't believe she is 3.

DD, congrats. My sister is also due in July.

 

[fieryred33143]

Happy (late) Birthday to Tessa!! Can't believe she's 3 either :p

Million congrats DD. So happy for you!

 

[Blenheim]

Happy birthday to Evan and Tessa!

Janine - wow, she is growing up! It's amazing to me how much of a difference even a couple of months can make.

DD - Congratulations, girl! How exciting.

 

[taovandel]

Gah Sophia is just the cutest!


Happy Birthday to Tessa! How's the breaking of the paci going?



We are almost completely off of formula! We are waiting for this last canister to be done and he's officially a milk drinker. After that the focus will be on dropping the bottles and using the sippy more and then we want to focus on the paci.....I'll have no problems getting rid of it (I don't think Evan will either...he's not too attached to it) but I think my husband will have more trouble breaking the paci habit.....Evan will be perfectly fine and my husband will pop a pacifier in his mouth????!!! UGH!

 

[Pandora II]

Congratulations Dreamer - I'm thinking Team Pink for you this time round!

Happy 3rd birthday to Tessa as well!

Having a total nightmare with Daisy this week, she is seriously driving me nuts with the tantrums and the determination to have her own way and her own way NOW... I am reaping karma for all the times I looked at mothers with screaming kids and thought 'no child of mine will behave that way'.

Went to the zoo yesterday - 20 minute fight to get her in the stroller. 2 melt-downs on the way there - she's learnt how to undo all the straps and climb out... I am fitting a second set. Major tantrum because I wanted to go to see the Lions and she wanted to see the Vultures. In the end I walked off and round the corner and waited for her to come after me... 2 minutes later and no sign, so fearing she'd been abducted I went back and she was just sitting on the ground with her arms crossed waiting for me, she got up, asked for my hand and took me off to see the vultures...

Then a tantrum because the carousel wasn't working, and the only way I got her back into her stroller was to bribe her with a packet of really nasty crisps full of gawd knows what (it was sooooo worth it!). They had the most gorgeous 2 week old baby gorilla, so sweet... I asked the keeper if they had a cage available for a small, badly behaved primate who was very cheap to feed...

I am beyond exhausted with her. Is it awful to feel like you just don't much like your child? I love her dearly but I feel like I need a large dose of valium by the end of the day. Sometimes I think it's just me and everyone has difficult children but then I am told by the nursery people that she is extremely stubborn and determined and wild horses won't drag her to do anything she doesn't want to do. I feel like all I do is shout at her and punish her (she goes in the playpen which she hates as a 'time-out' place) and feel guilty... she just waits till I finish shouting, puts her head on one side, does a big shrug and says something incomprehensible but in a tone that says 'you just lost your temper, I'm sorry for you that you did that and it's not going to work so lets be sensible and go and do what I want'.

I spoke to my parents and they just said that I was exactly the same, that they had 3 sets of reins to keep me in my stroller and they had no advice on what to do and ha, ha now I knew what they went through. I know DH and I are both incredibly stubborn but she can already beat me hands down and she's not even 18 months.

Rang the dietician in despair and have been sent some new flavourless vitamin powders so will see if we get on any better. I've got an appointment with the haematologist on Tuesday and then an appointment with the Child Behavioural Psychologist on Wednesday and I am hoping like crazy that they can help.

Tomorrow I am escaping for a whole day to go to a Gemmology Conference here in London. I am as excited about the chance for a Daisy-free day as I am the lectures.

Eugh, any advice on how to discipline a monster?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Thanks fiery, blen, & Pandora!

Tao, thanks for asking! I know I waited too long but she was so attached and it made my life easier (bad mommy). I also really wanted to focus on potty training before I started a new stage. Any who, she was really excited to help the "sick babies." I decided to go that route instead of the binky fairy b/c she has been kinda obsessed with babies lately. So we packed them up last night and put them in the mailbox for the "doctor" to pick up. (Thank goodness for irrational logic. Ha!) She was excited about it at first. Kissed the bag good bye but once she realized we were serious she was pissed. She kept asking, begging, crying, negotiating (just ONE mommy), until she finally fell asleep. This morning she asked for a binky a million times. My DH took the binkies and left a Barbie. So we went to check the mailbox and she was really excited for the Barbie (she says it is her new favorite toy) and that seemed to distract her a bit. I also told a bunch of people (in front of her on purpose) and I could tell she felt really proud (helping those babies and all!) but conflicted. She vascillated between feeling happy and proud and feeling sad and angry. There was some grieving going on, poor girl. Tonight she fell asleep while watching a movie so at least that went smoother. We'll see if she wakes up in the middle of the night asking for one. The one benefit of waiting is I think she *knows* they are gone. Had I done this a year ago she wouldn't have really grasped the whole "the binkies are gone forever" idea. I am not planning on caving. We have come too far and she is too old.

Pandora, I feel your pain girl. I also have a very spirited child. All I can tell you is that she WILL get easier to reason with. I thought 18-24 months was the hardest. You cannot really discipline them. It is nothing YOU are doing. She just has a big personality and I am sure it will pay off when she is an adult and doesn't let people push her around (at least that is what I tell MYSELF to feel better about my own situation). My best advice is to wait it out. She sounds smart, stubborn, and sassy, and you just have to get through this stage. We didn't leave the house much during that time!

 

[puffy]

happy belated birthday to T!!! sounds like your little princess is doing just wonderful!

 

[Dreamer_D]

pandora Our close friends' daughter is like Daisy and Tessa too. Like Tacori said, 18-24 months were the worst with her as well. But somehow around 2.5 things started looking up and though she is not an *easy* child now she is a very sweet and lovely gal and certainly easier to parent and spend time with that she was during those hellion years. I think just trying to do your best and wait it out is good advice. Have you considered part time child care? If you can afford it at all, seriously, it is so wonderful to have a break at times. It might just save your sanity! And it might be good for Daisy to have a taste of another style of caregiving.

Hunter is also being a big pooper right now. Of course, as soon as we decide to go from number two he starts bringing on the 'tude and the tantrums and "mummymummymummy" all the time. Sighhhh. My prayer is that he is out of this phase by the time the new baby is born. My rule for myself is "mommy always wins" and it works most of the time, but we have worn down his will over the years so far But he still puts up a fight. Many a time I wrestle him into the carseat, stroller etc and it is like alligator wresting for sure!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Pandora, DD is right. I put T in preschool (4 hours, twice a week) around the time I thought I was going to lose my mind. Saved my sanity. Just remember, this too shall pass.

 

[Sha]

Just delurking to say...

Congrats Dreamer!!! Wow, that was fast! It seems like just the other day you were deliberating on when to have #2... So excited for you,and a bit jealous as well. I really miss being pregnant. Hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months!!

Pandora - sorry about the tantrums... It does sound quite stressful. I have no advice, just sympathy. Dalila also loves her own way and is very stubborn (like DH... )- I fear for how she'll be as a toddler. Every single night she kicks me in my chest and clenches her lips shut when I'm trying to brush her teeth. As soon as she manages to grab the tootbrush from me, though, she's a different child - chomping on it happily and cooing away. Sigh... I hope you get some good advice on behaviour management soon ( feel free to share!).

I guess I'll be joining this thread soon, since D will be 1 at the end of this month.

\

 

[snlee]

congrats dreamer!!

 

[qtiekiki]

Congratulations, DD.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Thanks for the congrats everyone! It is pretty surreal!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

T reminded me this morning that she doesn't need a binky anymore I am kinda shocked how well she took it. Maybe I should have done it sooner? Maybe it was easier b/c she is older? Who knows. I am just glad it is gone and pray I didn't miss any for her to relapse on.

I am contemplating putting T in full time daycare next year. It is a difficult decision for me b/c she LOVES her preschool but with an internship starting next year which is an additional 20 hours a week (on top of classes) I just don't see how I will be able to do it without the extra childcare. Next semester I am paying my friend to watch her for 3-4 hours on Wed. afternoons. When I added that, preschool, and daycare costs, full time daycare is not that much more! I am conflicted and feel guilty even though it seems like the right thing to do. Why do I make things so complicated!?!?

 

[janinegirly]

Tacori - good job on the binky .. gives me hope. I think it's more about me than DD when it comes to weaning--I need to get on all these things! The FT daycare makes a lot of sense honestly. Go for it..it's more consistent and gives you the time you need. You are pulling this whole thing off and it's a great role model for everyone including your daughter.

DD: congrats! Although I did peek in on the TTC thread and saw your chart and going by the BD schedule I am not surprised, lol, just kidding. If I remember correctly you're in Canada, and their maternity leave will make it so much easier when it comes to balancing 2 and work,etc.

 

[Dreamer_D]

T reminded me this morning that she doesn't need a binky anymore I am kinda shocked how well she took it. Maybe I should have done it sooner? Maybe it was easier b/c she is older? Who knows. I am just glad it is gone and pray I didn't miss any for her to relapse on.

I am contemplating putting T in full time daycare next year. It is a difficult decision for me b/c she LOVES her preschool but with an internship starting next year which is an additional 20 hours a week (on top of classes) I just don't see how I will be able to do it without the extra childcare. Next semester I am paying my friend to watch her for 3-4 hours on Wed. afternoons. When I added that, preschool, and daycare costs, full time daycare is not that much more! I am conflicted and feel guilty even though it seems like the right thing to do. Why do I make things so complicated!?!?

Why do you feel guilty Tacori?

 

[Dreamer_D]

Tacori - good job on the binky .. gives me hope. I think it's more about me than DD when it comes to weaning--I need to get on all these things! The FT daycare makes a lot of sense honestly. Go for it..it's more consistent and gives you the time you need. You are pulling this whole thing off and it's a great role model for everyone including your daughter.

DD: congrats! Although I did peek in on the TTC thread and saw your chart and going by the BD schedule I am not surprised, lol, just kidding. If I remember correctly you're in Canada, and their maternity leave will make it so much easier when it comes to balancing 2 and work,etc.

Thanks! Yes, DH is a little disappointed it took only 1 mo this time, he is lamenting this being his last chance ever to get noookie like 10 days in a row Yes, I get 12 months leave, though I will likely only take 10 mo. With my job, I get 90% of my salary for those 10 months, so it is a pretty good deal. Hunter will probably stay in daycare part time in that period, too. The only thing I will need to figure out is whether to stop the tenure clock in the time I am off. It is not mandatory, though it is a gov't sanctioned allowance for academic parents who take parental leave. I will likely wait and see how that goes. I don't want to stop the clock unless I need to because it will just delay tenure.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

D, I feel guilty b/c she LOVES preschool. LOVES her classmates. LOVES her teachers. LOVES the program. She tolerates daycare. Plus I feel guilty very, very easily. One of my many character defects.

Janine, oh, I totally mourned the binks too so I get where you are coming from. It really wasn't that bad to wean. Don't stress.

 

[Dreamer_D]

D, I feel guilty b/c she LOVES preschool. LOVES her classmates. LOVES her teachers. LOVES the program. She tolerates daycare. Plus I feel guilty very, very easily. One of my many character defects.

Oh I see, in daycare she would not go to preschool anymore, is that it? Is there no part time care? I know some home daycares will pick kids up from preschool or drop them off there.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

D, the problem is it doesn't make sense financially. Full time daycare would allow me to have child care covered from 6:30 am-6:30 pm (I don't leave her the whole time it is more like 8-5 but it is good to know I have that option) and hiring a nanny or sitter on top of preschool and daycare just doesn't seem logical. Oh well. She will adjust.

 

[Dreamer_D]

D, the problem is it doesn't make sense financially. Full time daycare would allow me to have child care covered from 6:30 am-6:30 pm (I don't leave her the whole time it is more like 8-5 but it is good to know I have that option) and hiring a nanny or sitter on top of preschool and daycare just doesn't seem logical. Oh well. She will adjust.

Of course she will! Can you find a happy merdium though -- is there childcare in the area that is more like a preschool? For example, the center where HUnter goes is a daycare but the program for kids T's age is a preschool programme. Or is her daycare like that? Maybe just a different daycare would set your mind at ease and give you the coverage you need.

 

[Ella]

Dreamer, you may want to check your email or the announcements.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Dreamer, I honestly think it is b/c the daycare is SUCH a long day for her. I do like their program. My sister who is getting her phd in special ed was very impressed. They do a lot of small group stuff (three teachers per classroom) and she does have friends there. I also think the problem is her best friend goes to the preschool. My wise mom told me family members have to make sacrifices for the good of the whole. Daycare is what T has to do for our family. Still...I wish there was a way to avoid it.

Congrats on your PS gift! You deserve it lady!

 

[TravelingGal]

First off, wanted to come in and congralate you dreamer! Yay! We'll miss you on the WW thread!

Pandora, also wanted to chime in on your situation. But first wanted to say that I FINALLY got around to setting up an email account for Amelia. I read that you did that and just LOVED the idea, so thanks!

I agree with Tacori and DD that generally, so far 18-24 months seem like tantrums are at their worst. Kids are coming into their own, but can't express themselves well. They know what they want and are trying to figure out EVERY WHICH WAY to get it. Exhausting, for sure, and you're not alone in not liking your kid sometimes.

Some kids grow out of it when verbal skills come and frustrations ease. Other kids...well, they don't. Not. At. All. The TANTRUMS are fewer maybe, but they've learned other ways to just be, well, brats.

From reading your past posts here, I'd go out on a limb and say there are two things I notice -

1) you seem to like the idea of babies/kids leading the way and doing things on their own time, and
2) you prefer to not stop your life, bringing daisy long to whatever event/outting you are going to

I would then, deduct that generally speaking, there isn't a very firm idea that Daisy has about what you expect from her, day in and day out.

I also see that, as you say, she's inherently a stubborn child. I would venture to say stubborn children actually need more boundaries, in general than an easy going one. They might actually do BETTER in such situations.

Tacori mentioned that she did not take Tessa out much during those months. She's half kidding, but I think she's onto something. When Amelia started to throw tantrums as well, we worked on discipline and consequences AT HOME. Why? Because it's MUCH harder to do so when you are out in public with society staring at you. While I know this is hard because it is NOT fun to be cooped up in the house with a nutty kid, teaching kids what is acceptable starts in the home (or at a public place that's a little more deserted...our neighborhood park is DEAD at non peak hours!) At home, it is much easier to not give into tantrums.

Kids want to establish some degree of control. I'm finding what is working well is giving the kid a "choice." I say stuff calmly like, "OK Amelia, you can clean up this mess and we can have a song before bedtime, or you can leave it here and there will be no song and you will go to bed now. Your choice, you decide." She has yet to pick the "wrong" choice.

In the case of the zoo, with such a tough battle every step of the way, when it came to lions or vultures, you gotta pick your battles. If the vultures were convenient to see, I would have said, "sure, let's go see the vultures." If the vultures were WAAAAY over there and lions were just, oh, right here, I would have said, let's see the lions first, OK? Then we can see the vultures. THEN, if a tantrum ensued, I would have taken her face, looked Amelia in the eye and said, "You have a choice. We can see the lions and THEN the vultures, or we can go home now since you want to just cry. Your choice." If the tantrum kept on going beyond a reasonable amount of time to calm herself down, I would have slung her over my shoulder, screaming or not and walked out of the zoo, and told her that tantrums will not be tolerated on a fun zoo day. Then there would not be another zoo day again until she learned you don't act like that at the zoo.

As for her "attitude" after Daisy's time out - ss long as after her time out, she DOESN'T get to do what she wanted to do, then you're on the right track. If after time out she gets to do what she wanted to begin with...well, that's not teaching her anything.

Pandora, since Daisy inherently IS stubborn, I would say come to a place where she feels like she has some control, but understands that mommy means what she says. Because if she DOESN'T grow out of it, this is going to seem like child's play compared to when they REALLY can manipulate you. I hope things get better!

 

[robbie3982]

Congrats Dreamer! Sabine just told me the good news so I thought I'd pop in to congratulate you!

 

[Sabine]

Haha Robbie beat me to it! I went back to catch up on the posts I had missed while visiting family!

But big congrats Dreamer! Not helping my baby fever though....

Happy belated birthdays to Evan and Tessa!

Pandora, sorry your lil miss is being difficult!

I'm honestly scared for the 18-24 month phase!

Also, do kiddos make a huge cognitive leap around that time? I can't imagine giving Jacks a choice like Tgal suggested in her advice to Pandora and having him really understand it (he's 15.5 months now).

I can NOT complain about how he was while we were traveling though! He did so well on the planes, especially today even though we were delayed taking off for about 40 minutes (so we were sitting on the plane without it really moving for almost an hour and a half total since we boarded early). He also did really well with visiting the families, adjusting to being in new places in a different time zone and with daylight savings time (well, after a few days anyway), and being in houses that weren't babyproofed. It was really a great visit.

But even though I think he did well, my family made me feel really bad for how attached he is to me and how wary he is of going to other people. I SAH so he's used to having me a LOT, and since we're not close to family, he rarely sees them. He would cry when someone tried to pick him up (was fine with my mom, who we stayed with, most of the time, and eventually was fine with dh's parents, but he originally saw them at a funeral reception so he was in a new place surrounded by tons of new people). And he cried a lot if I wasn't around. I left him with my dad for 30 minutes while I went to pick up some food, and he cried pretty much the whole time. My dad understood and didn't feel bad, but when I told my mom about it she gave me this huge lecture on how I need to leave him more.

It's such a hard situation for me because I wouldn't mind leaving him more and I wish he wasn't quite so attached to me, but we're not in a position where he can do anything without me there regularly. I do use the drop in hours at a daycare on base off and on as needed, but they don't always have room. Lately, when he has gone, he's cried the whole time. I don't like taking him if he doesn't enjoy it, and as I said, since we don't have the option for it to be a regular thing and him to get used to it as part of the routine, I feel like I should just avoid it unless necessary.

 

[Blenheim]

My mom mentioned this morning that I was hardest to deal with between 18 and 24 months as well.

Pandora, I think we have had pretty similar views in the past about things. I have found that G's behavior really improved when I started being much more scheduled, dropping trips if they will require us to be out of the house around naptime, and being a hard-ass about meaning what I say. Sure, he still has tantrums, but I think most of them are his immature attempt to express how unhappy he is at something rather than an attempt to see if I will give him if he throws a tantrum, because I am not and he knows it. TGal knows what she is talking about. It's definitely worth a shot.

Sabine - glad your trip went well! And I agree, seeing everyone else from our cohort getting KU is NOT good for baby fever.

As for us, G has gone through a big developmental leap lately. He's understanding and talking A LOT and is really trying to imitate us. We can get him to "help" in the kitchen by stirring things or by putting cheese on pizza, etc. He helped with the leaves yesterday after I raked the lawn, but then decided that the neighbors also needed a leaf pile as well and grabbed armfulls of leaves and made one in their yard for them (I ended up raking theirs as well, which was GREAT because they then mowed our lawn and we still have not bothered to get gas for our mower). He also saw me add ranch dressing to our salad bowl the other day, dragged a chair to the counter and grabbed some sunscreen, got on the chair, and squirted sunscreen into the salad and started to mix it with the salad tosser things before I realized what was going on. He's very concerned about things being where they shouldn't be (other than his toys - they're allowed to be wherever he wants them to be, evidently), and tried to clean up the Mall on our trip downtown last week by scooping up gravel and throwing it in the trashcans. A tantrum ensued when I tore him away from that very important job.

 

[TravelingGal]

Sabine, I started doing the choice thing when she was able to speak more, so on the tail end of the 18-24 month spectrum (basically at around 2 years old). Before then, it was just an ongoing thing of meaning what I say. Time outs we started at 20ish months, but that was only for very concrete issues (throwing and hitting). Then later it evolved to not listening. I taught her the meaning of "no" at about 7-8 months and in the early stages made it a point never to let her win if I picked the battle.

It builds from there. Now I just count to three. She doesn't quite know why she listens, but I guess my tone conveys something scary. She drops what she's doing and does what it is I'm asking of her before number 3. Discipline keeps evolving, for sure.

ETA, yes, for Amelia it seemed like there was a giant leap from 20-24 months. She started talking more when we hired the new nanny, which I know what at 20 months, and by 24 months she was a decent communicator. Then from 24 to 32 months, holy moly...it's insane.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Dreamer, I honestly think it is b/c the daycare is SUCH a long day for her. I do like their program. My sister who is getting her phd in special ed was very impressed. They do a lot of small group stuff (three teachers per classroom) and she does have friends there. I also think the problem is her best friend goes to the preschool. My wise mom told me family members have to make sacrifices for the good of the whole. Daycare is what T has to do for our family. Still...I wish there was a way to avoid it.

Congrats on your PS gift! You deserve it lady!

Sorry for the delay, I was away for a few days... yup, your mom is wise indeed. Funny how we often don't think about kiddos sometimes needing to make a little sacrifice, but I totally believe that too. Tessa will get used to it.

Something I always tell myself about parenting is how you do not have to be "perfect" to be a great parent for your kid, in fact to be the best parent for your kid, you just need to be "good enough" and your child will turn out just fine and adjusted and level headed and all that jazz. I am very certain that no matter what you will be more than "good enough"

 

[fieryred33143]

Sabine-can you find other daycare options once a week? Just a thought. My SAH friend drops her DD off at a daycare for half a day once a week to get errands done. I think her little girl is far more social than Sophia to be honest. I agree with you that I'm afraid of the 18-24 month phase.

Dreamer-congrats on the gift!!

Blen-Yay for G I remember you were asking questions about how many words he should be saying. A lot of people told me that the closer they get to 2, the more "booms" they have developmentally speaking. Yay for new words!

Nothing much here. Sophia finally learned how to say please. I was waiting for any sort of acknowledgment that you don't just take what you want without asking for it first She figured out how to open the fridge so we get random items followed by a "please." Yesterday it was ketchup and bbq sauce.

She's also starting to play "jokes" which are really, really funny to me. Ah, a mother's love. Lots of hide and seek mainly. I've seen her put her feet flat while walking a few times so maybe she'll get used to doing that rather than walk on her toes. It has made her feet so wide! Is that normal? She has really wide feet. Speaking of, we need shoes so if anyone knows of a good deal pass it along please!

We got into a very minor car accident the other day. Now we apparently have to change our car seat. I'm not too sure about it so I need to follow up. I really hope it's covered by insurance. We only paid $20 for a $200 seat the first time around (after sale, coupon, and reward points)!!