diva rose
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2010
- Messages
- 451
This is one of those topics/situations where people will have their own views and are totally entitled to them. I strongly feel there is no right or wrong - because people are different.They will respond differently to their partners cheating and having a child. So I really feel until we've been there and done that - it's one of those things that you can't say for 100% you will respond in a particular way. We all have methods we'd like to take - however when life throws something as big as this, you might be surprised by your own actions.
My biological father cheated on my mother and got the other woman pregnant. I remember clearly how all parties responded and how difficult it was for my mother. She is a very forgiving woman and loves children. She decided to stay with my father. In our situation, the pregnancy was not followed through (the other woman's choice entirely). However..if she did follow suit ~ I'm not sure if my mother would have coped. Throughout their marriage, she was never able to fully forgive him, hence they broke up a few years after.
Just a few of my thoughts:
Having a child from an affair involved in your life is a constant reminder of your partner's infidelity and his mistake. His betrayal to you and your other children. I really do feel a lot of us here will probably find it extremely difficult to be so accepting of the other child. Yes the child is not at fault but he/she represents something you and your partner probably wishes never happened.
Not only does it impact the couple, what about your other children? Pretty sure they will emotionally feel the impact also.
If we live in an ideal world, sure - we'll all get along, we can forgive & forget, and accept the child. In the real world, the pain will be harder to mask and the scars probably won't heal for a long time or most likely never heal completely.
If you don't have any children with your partner, I can imagine this situation will be even worse knowing the only child your partner has is with another woman from a result of an affair.
I also feel being the man (sperm) doesn't mean you are entitled to be the child's father. For me, being a father doesn't mean it needs to be biological - it's about being there for the child and raising the child. If it is just based on biology - that means sperm donors at clinics should be leaving inheritance for the children they have helped bring to this world. This is not the case.
Finally, I strongly feel inheritance money is something that doesn't go automatically to children. It is up to the individual what they choose to do with that money. So the children are not 'entitled' inheritance. Does this make you a bad parent? No it doesn't.
What you do with your money is up to you.
In addition, by the time most people get to their inheritance money - they are usually not children anymore. People should be able to stand on their own rather than rely on their parents' money.
My biological father cheated on my mother and got the other woman pregnant. I remember clearly how all parties responded and how difficult it was for my mother. She is a very forgiving woman and loves children. She decided to stay with my father. In our situation, the pregnancy was not followed through (the other woman's choice entirely). However..if she did follow suit ~ I'm not sure if my mother would have coped. Throughout their marriage, she was never able to fully forgive him, hence they broke up a few years after.
Just a few of my thoughts:
Having a child from an affair involved in your life is a constant reminder of your partner's infidelity and his mistake. His betrayal to you and your other children. I really do feel a lot of us here will probably find it extremely difficult to be so accepting of the other child. Yes the child is not at fault but he/she represents something you and your partner probably wishes never happened.
Not only does it impact the couple, what about your other children? Pretty sure they will emotionally feel the impact also.
If we live in an ideal world, sure - we'll all get along, we can forgive & forget, and accept the child. In the real world, the pain will be harder to mask and the scars probably won't heal for a long time or most likely never heal completely.
If you don't have any children with your partner, I can imagine this situation will be even worse knowing the only child your partner has is with another woman from a result of an affair.
I also feel being the man (sperm) doesn't mean you are entitled to be the child's father. For me, being a father doesn't mean it needs to be biological - it's about being there for the child and raising the child. If it is just based on biology - that means sperm donors at clinics should be leaving inheritance for the children they have helped bring to this world. This is not the case.
Finally, I strongly feel inheritance money is something that doesn't go automatically to children. It is up to the individual what they choose to do with that money. So the children are not 'entitled' inheritance. Does this make you a bad parent? No it doesn't.
What you do with your money is up to you.
In addition, by the time most people get to their inheritance money - they are usually not children anymore. People should be able to stand on their own rather than rely on their parents' money.