People who refer to their boyfriend as their husband...

[iheartscience]

Date: 3/15/2010 9:04:02 AM
Author: gaby06

Date: 3/15/2010 7:41:02 AM

Author: Maisie

Without going into a religious discussion (which we aren't allowed to on PS) there are rules/requirements in the Bible about divorce and remarriage. I can understand why people might not think this situation is ok in the eyes of God.

Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

Exactly, gaby. It's funny that all the religious people are the ones who have a problem with this and are judging this woman. Pretty sure there's a lot in the bible about not judging. Besides, Ara Ann has pointed out that her church supposedly doesn't judge its members. (I guess the pastor doesn't, at least-looks like the other members sure do!)

 

[princesss]

I think it''s weird and confusing, but I don''t really care if people do it or not.

A good friend of mine was telling me a story one time about one morning when the dog escaped and she had to run after him in a pencil skirt and heels, and kept yelling "Hubs! Hubs!" trying to get her SO to wake up and help. It took me weeks to figure out they aren''t actually married. (It would have taken less time, but I know them through sports and virtually nobody wears their ring when they play, so it''s always a cr*p shoot when trying to figure out if somebody is married anyways!) At that point they''d been together for 6 years and living together for almost two (and now they''re getting married in July).

BF and his friends will jokingly refer to me as "wifey" or "the wife" - it''s always the friends that start it and BF just goes along with it. His friends from VA do it as a kind of joking recognition of how serious we are ("How''s the wife?" "You sure the wife will allow that?

" etc), his friends here do it - well, I don''t know why since I''ve never met most of them and some of them still think I''m his imaginary friend. But we would never do it - if we were ready to call somebody husband/wife, we''d get married!

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/15/2010 10:05:33 AM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 3/15/2010 9:04:02 AM

Author: gaby06

Date: 3/15/2010 7:41:02 AM


Author: Maisie


Without going into a religious discussion (which we aren't allowed to on PS) there are rules/requirements in the Bible about divorce and remarriage. I can understand why people might not think this situation is ok in the eyes of God.

Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

Exactly, gaby. It's funny that all the religious people are the ones who have a problem with this and are judging this woman. Pretty sure there's a lot in the bible about not judging. Besides, Ara Ann has pointed out that her church supposedly doesn't judge its members. (I guess the pastor doesn't, at least-looks like the other members sure do!)

How about people judge other people based on their experience with them, regardless of whether or not they are religious. Everyone here is ganging up and acting like they never formed an opinion in their life about something that didn't affect their lives. Everyone judges. It's a fact of life. It's not just "all the religious people" who do it, it's everyone. It's silly to sit here and JUDGE someone for being judgmental about something that "doesn't affect her life". Her views don't affect your life either, and a conversation on PS probably isn't going to change it. Wouldn't it be better to just drop it and move on with your life, since her views and opinions have no affect on it?

Rather than "Gosh, does everyone notice how judgmental all these religious people are being? Live and let live I say! See? I'm not judgmental!"

 

[Ella]

Please remove religion and personal attacks from this discussion or this thread will need to be closed.

 

[CNOS128]

PinkAsscher, do the friends you mention in the original post live in states that still honor common-law marriage? In my understanding, to demonstrate that you''re common-law spouses you need to show that you live together, that you hold yourselves out as being husband and wife, and that you made an agreement to be married. And in the few states that permit common law marriage, it''s just as valid as a ceremonial marriage...

 

[Haven]

I''ve never heard of anyone referring to her boyfriend as her husband.
Or perhaps I *have* and I just took her at her word and didn''t know he wasn''t a husband.

Either way, it does seem a bit weird if it''s not a common law marriage situation and more of a young-and-dating-happy-go-lucky-couple-just-wants-to-play-house situation.

I do understand, though, why a couple who chooses to live together as husband and wife would, and to have children, would (sadly) feel the need to call each other "husband" and "wife" in public because of the way society often looks down on unmarried couples, especially those with children.

One of DH''s long time friends has been with her SO for nearly 20 years. They have two children, ages 6 and 8. They are not married and they never will marry, because for reasons that are very private and nobody''s business, DH''s friend has a very negative opinion of what marriage can sometimes do to a couple. I''ve seen people make openly rude faces right in front of these two wonderful people (and their children) upon hearing that they aren''t married. Now, they''re both really thick skinned and they don''t tell people they are married to avoid that kind of discrimination, but I can see why others would choose to do so.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/15/2010 12:02:25 PM
Author: TheBigT
PinkAsscher, do the friends you mention in the original post live in states that still honor common-law marriage? In my understanding, to demonstrate that you''re common-law spouses you need to show that you live together, that you hold yourselves out as being husband and wife, and that you made an agreement to be married. And in the few states that permit common law marriage, it''s just as valid as a ceremonial marriage...

To be honest, I have no idea. But of the few times I''ve done that it was with couples who had not been together very long. And with my friend''s sister who says "my in-laws" I know that she''s 18 and has been with her boyfriend since June.

Plus, I was told by them that they were not married, so I''m guessing they aren''t recognizing their relationship as a common-law marriage. It was really just an issue for me of was it rude to ask. Because I wasn''t trying to call anyone out, but I do like to say congrats when a friend has gotten married. I know that when I got married I got cards and emails from people I hadn''t heard from in years saying congratulations, so I thought the gesture would be appropriate.

 

[monarch64]

I had friends in college who were married by one of their friends who was ordained, but they never officially went to the courthouse and obtained a marriage license. They considered themselves married. I remember kind of rolling my eyes about it at the time, but it was more because we were all so young (freshmen in college) than because I had any problem with what they called each other.

My very best friend and her husband lived together and had a child for several years before they finally got married. She referred to him as her husband all the time.

I don''t see it as deceptive behavior at all. You have to be a very naive person to believe that everyone is telling the truth about their lives 100% of the time. Whether it is withholding/omitting certain facts about themselves, or claiming to be married when they don''t happen to be married legally, or whatever...everyone is hiding something, and THAT you can believe. To get upset over these things and shun people is just silly and a waste of time. Think what you want to about people, make your judgments (and we all do) and get over it.

 

[Haven]

Double post.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 3/15/2010 12:11:22 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 3/15/2010 12:02:25 PM
Author: TheBigT
PinkAsscher, do the friends you mention in the original post live in states that still honor common-law marriage? In my understanding, to demonstrate that you're common-law spouses you need to show that you live together, that you hold yourselves out as being husband and wife, and that you made an agreement to be married. And in the few states that permit common law marriage, it's just as valid as a ceremonial marriage...

To be honest, I have no idea. But of the few times I've done that it was with couples who had not been together very long. And with my friend's sister who says 'my in-laws' I know that she's 18 and has been with her boyfriend since June.

Plus, I was told by them that they were not married, so I'm guessing they aren't recognizing their relationship as a common-law marriage. It was really just an issue for me of was it rude to ask. Because I wasn't trying to call anyone out, but I do like to say congrats when a friend has gotten married. I know that when I got married I got cards and emails from people I hadn't heard from in years saying congratulations, so I thought the gesture would be appropriate.

It is a nice gesture Pink to tell someone congratulations on their marriage

.

Being that FB albums are mostly used to proudly show off everything in your life (from pics of furbabies, new homes, family gatherings, children, weddings) I think if you are wondering and don't see any photos in their albums of a wedding, then I wouldn't congratulate or anything. I have found that almost all women put pics up of their weddings

Especially since you mentioned that these are people you aren't in contact with every day. I don't think its rude to ask when did they get married but it would be a little weird if it's coming from someone they don't normally speak to, KWIM?

ETA: Since you mentioned in-laws, that reminds me that while I do not refer to FI as my husband IRL, I do refer to his parents as my in-laws IRL all the time. I introduce them as my FIL and MIL and if I write a status update on them on FB, I also refer to them as my in-laws. I wonder if other roll their eyes when they see it now

. To be fair though, they do call me their daughter

 

[monarch64]

I just had another thought on this situation. If we''re referring to the younger crowd posting on Facebook that they are married...I wonder if that has anything to do with the current state of the economy? What I mean is, times are very uncertain. In the past several years so many people''s parents have suffered job losses, the loss of their homes, etc. The younger set now is probably struggling with the fact that things don''t seem very stable or certain. Even recent college grads are not finding it easy to get a job straight out of school. If the one thing you have to cling to steadfastly in life is your relationship and you are that committed to each other, is that so wrong? I mean, I don''t really understand it but I wonder if that''s part of the trend?

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/15/2010 12:17:23 PM
Author: fiery

Date: 3/15/2010 12:11:22 PM

Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 3/15/2010 12:02:25 PM

Author: TheBigT

PinkAsscher, do the friends you mention in the original post live in states that still honor common-law marriage? In my understanding, to demonstrate that you''re common-law spouses you need to show that you live together, that you hold yourselves out as being husband and wife, and that you made an agreement to be married. And in the few states that permit common law marriage, it''s just as valid as a ceremonial marriage...

To be honest, I have no idea. But of the few times I''ve done that it was with couples who had not been together very long. And with my friend''s sister who says ''my in-laws'' I know that she''s 18 and has been with her boyfriend since June.


Plus, I was told by them that they were not married, so I''m guessing they aren''t recognizing their relationship as a common-law marriage. It was really just an issue for me of was it rude to ask. Because I wasn''t trying to call anyone out, but I do like to say congrats when a friend has gotten married. I know that when I got married I got cards and emails from people I hadn''t heard from in years saying congratulations, so I thought the gesture would be appropriate.

It is a nice gesture Pink to tell someone congratulations on their marriage

.


Being that FB albums are mostly used to proudly show off everything in your life (from pics of furbabies, new homes, family gatherings, children, weddings) I think if you are wondering and don''t see any photos in their albums of a wedding, then I wouldn''t congratulate or anything. I have found that almost all women put pics up of their weddings

Especially since you mentioned that these are people you aren''t in contact with every day. I don''t think its rude to ask when did they get married but it would be a little weird if it''s coming from someone they don''t normally speak to, KWIM?

It''s funny you say that about the wedding pics. My husband and I were married by a JOP in his back yard because he couldn''t make it to the courthouse that day (car issues).

So my "wedding" pictures are of us kissing next to a disgusting bird bath. I''m wearing a sweater, my husband is in jeans. I look at them now and laugh. I have even considered a "do-over" wedding just so I can have pictures to show our daughter someday!

I tend to not really look at people''s FB pages. I mostly just respond to updates on the main page. So if a friend from high school or college said "Hanging with the hubby today!" it was just a snap reaction to say "Wow, congrats! When did you get married?"

From now on, I''m going to either look for those wedding pics, or not say anything. Good idea!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 3/15/2010 11:35:45 AM
Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 3/15/2010 10:05:33 AM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 3/15/2010 9:04:02 AM
Author: gaby06

Date: 3/15/2010 7:41:02 AM
Author: Maisie
Without going into a religious discussion (which we aren''t allowed to on PS) there are rules/requirements in the Bible about divorce and remarriage. I can understand why people might not think this situation is ok in the eyes of God.

Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

Exactly, gaby. It''s funny that all the religious people are the ones who have a problem with this and are judging this woman. Pretty sure there''s a lot in the bible about not judging. Besides, Ara Ann has pointed out that her church supposedly doesn''t judge its members. (I guess the pastor doesn''t, at least-looks like the other members sure do!)

How about people judge other people based on their experience with them, regardless of whether or not they are religious. Everyone here is ganging up and acting like they never formed an opinion in their life about something that didn''t affect their lives. Everyone judges. It''s a fact of life. It''s not just ''all the religious people'' who do it, it''s everyone. It''s silly to sit here and JUDGE someone for being judgmental about something that ''doesn''t affect her life''. Her views don''t affect your life either, and a conversation on PS probably isn''t going to change it. Wouldn''t it be better to just drop it and move on with your life, since her views and opinions have no affect on it?

Rather than ''Gosh, does everyone notice how judgmental all these religious people are being? Live and let live I say! See? I''m not judgmental!''

My objection is not to judging, it''s to using your religion/the bible to judge when the bible also says to not judge. I judge all the time but I don''t do it in the name of my religion. Big difference.

(But enough about religion-I don''t want Ella to judge me unfit to post.

)

 

[princesss]

Oh, the in-law thing! I forgot to mention that.

When I was in Spain, my host sister constantly talked about her suegros (in-laws) but she wasn''t married and lived at home. I was really confused, and asked my host mom about it. She said that the same term is used for in-laws as it is for the parents of a long-term significant other. So now BF''s parents'' phone number is stored under "Suegros" in my phone because it was the most concise way to name them and it''s super quick.

 

[Maisie]

I''m not going to apologise for having these guidelines that I wish to follow. And I wasn''t judging, merely explaining.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Maisie, you have nothing to apologize for, so I''m glad you''re standing up for what you believe in!

Personally I don''t care what people choose to call their SO.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 3/15/2010 12:29:52 PM
Author: princesss
Oh, the in-law thing! I forgot to mention that.

When I was in Spain, my host sister constantly talked about her suegros (in-laws) but she wasn''t married and lived at home. I was really confused, and asked my host mom about it. She said that the same term is used for in-laws as it is for the parents of a long-term significant other. So now BF''s parents'' phone number is stored under ''Suegros'' in my phone because it was the most concise way to name them and it''s super quick.

Yes, saying suegros is a lot faster than saying la mama y el papa de mi novio.

Also another interesting side note is that a lot of people refer to the person you are living with as your "marido" which is technically husband but is the informal version. My mom introduces FI as my marido. FI''s parents used to call me his polola which is Chilean for girlfriend. I told them it sounds like they are calling me a chicken lol

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 3/13/2010 9:32:48 AM
Author: Ara Ann
This is interesting timing because I am faced with a similar situation, but it''s a bit more complicated and I''d like some feedback, really not sure what to do. I almost started a thread about it myself...but it may fit here.

My DH and I met a nice couple at our church about a year ago...they let on that they are married, they live together, he was ''divorced'' and has 3 kids with that ''ex-wife'' and they wanted to try to have more kids. On this woman''s FB page, she lists herself as married and has her name hyphenated and talks about her wonderful husband and how happy they are, etc.

My DH got to know this couple pretty well, through various church activities they were all in together... I have just recently gotten to know her a little better, but we are not ''close'' friends. But, she had confided in my DH a couple of months ago, that she and her ''husband'' are not married, he is still legally married to his first wife and they''ve been living together for over 15 years, telling people they are married.

I guess his first wife had refused to sign divorce papers, so they just went on with their lives as a married couple.


My problem with this is, that I guess the first wife is finally going to sign the divorce papers and the new ''wife'' now wants a ''wedding'' at our church, with a dress, etc. and has been asking me to help her plan things! She wants me to go dress shopping with her, asking for advice, etc. She''s acting like a giddy bride, when in reality she''s been living with this guy for a long time already, as his ''wife''.

I just don''t feel right about the whole situation and am not sure what to do. I really don''t know the details either...but it doesn''t sit right with me. I don''t plan to actively participate in her plans, but she''s already asked us to save the date of their wedding open!

Any advice?

The highlighted part is what I really, really have a problem with. He''s still married to someone else! And he''s been living with some other woman for the past 15 years! And lying to others about it! Doesn''t anybody have any respect for the institution of marriage anymore? Keeping religion out of it, I''m pretty sure most states have laws against marrying another (legally) when you already have a spouse. Polygamy anybody?

To answer the original question, no I don''t know anybody who tells others that they are married when they are not. I think the practice is weird so I guess that makes me an old-timer. I never referred to my husband as "husband" until we were legally wed. Before that he was my partner or finance and before that just a boyfriend.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 3/15/2010 12:38:58 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
Maisie, you have nothing to apologize for, so I''m glad you''re standing up for what you believe in!

Personally I don''t care what people choose to call their SO.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 3/15/2010 12:43:56 PM
Author: DivaDiamond007

Date: 3/13/2010 9:32:48 AM
Author: Ara Ann
This is interesting timing because I am faced with a similar situation, but it''s a bit more complicated and I''d like some feedback, really not sure what to do. I almost started a thread about it myself...but it may fit here.

My DH and I met a nice couple at our church about a year ago...they let on that they are married, they live together, he was ''divorced'' and has 3 kids with that ''ex-wife'' and they wanted to try to have more kids. On this woman''s FB page, she lists herself as married and has her name hyphenated and talks about her wonderful husband and how happy they are, etc.

My DH got to know this couple pretty well, through various church activities they were all in together... I have just recently gotten to know her a little better, but we are not ''close'' friends. But, she had confided in my DH a couple of months ago, that she and her ''husband'' are not married, he is still legally married to his first wife and they''ve been living together for over 15 years, telling people they are married.

I guess his first wife had refused to sign divorce papers, so they just went on with their lives as a married couple.


My problem with this is, that I guess the first wife is finally going to sign the divorce papers and the new ''wife'' now wants a ''wedding'' at our church, with a dress, etc. and has been asking me to help her plan things! She wants me to go dress shopping with her, asking for advice, etc. She''s acting like a giddy bride, when in reality she''s been living with this guy for a long time already, as his ''wife''.

I just don''t feel right about the whole situation and am not sure what to do. I really don''t know the details either...but it doesn''t sit right with me. I don''t plan to actively participate in her plans, but she''s already asked us to save the date of their wedding open!

Any advice?

The highlighted part is what I really, really have a problem with. He''s still married to someone else! And he''s been living with some other woman for the past 15 years! And lying to others about it! Doesn''t anybody have any respect for the institution of marriage anymore? Keeping religion out of it, I''m pretty sure most states have laws against marrying another (legally) when you already have a spouse. Polygamy anybody?

To answer the original question, no I don''t know anybody who tells others that they are married when they are not. I think the practice is weird so I guess that makes me an old-timer. I never referred to my husband as ''husband'' until we were legally wed. Before that he was my partner or finance and before that just a boyfriend.

I''m curious what your solution would have been then Diva. Should he have spent 15 years of his life without finding anyone else because the wife didn''t want to sign the divorce papers?

I would feel really bad for anyone that put their lives on hold over this.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Fiery - I don't know....if it were me, then I'd not be seeing a married man to begin with so it wouldn't be an issue. If I were him I'd insist that the papers be executed as required by law to finalize the divorce before seeking other partner.

It would be one thing if you told someone in passing that you were married just to avoid having to explain your actual status over and over again, but another to continue the charade for more than a decade - especially if you become friends with someone that you lied to in the beginning.




edited for clarity

 

[galeteia]

Date: 3/15/2010 12:43:56 PM
Author: DivaDiamond007

Date: 3/13/2010 9:32:48 AM

Author: Ara Ann
she and her ''husband'' are not married, he is still legally married to his first wife and they''ve been living together for over 15 years, telling people they are married.

[...]
I guess his first wife had refused to sign divorce papers, so they just went on with their lives as a married couple.

[...]

I guess the first wife is finally going to sign the divorce papers.

The highlighted part is what I really, really have a problem with. He''s still married to someone else! And he''s been living with some other woman for the past 15 years! And lying to others about it! Doesn''t anybody have any respect for the institution of marriage anymore? Keeping religion out of it, I''m pretty sure most states have laws against marrying another (legally) when you already have a spouse. Polygamy anybody?

Yes, most states have a law against it, which is why they weren''t legally married for 15 years as they waited for the ex-wife to finally sign the papers. They might have been married on paper, but clearly not in deed: they had been separated and living as divorced for 15 years! Polygamy? Are you serious? Do I need to whip out the dictionary definition of this term?

I think you are looking for ''bigamy'', which is illegal, and if he had intent to do so, he could have done it at year One instead of year Fifteen when the ex-wife finally agreed to legally divorce.

Respect for the institution of marriage? Should we respect someone who has been leveraging control over their ex-spouse and his new partner for 15 years by dangling a legal divorce over their heads? If my husband left me and started up a new relationship with someone else, you can bet I would be slamming that door so hard he''d have the doorknob imprint on his behind for weeks after.

Or are you suggesting that he should have stayed miserable with the first wife, or perhaps treated the second wife as a mistress and lied about her existence in order to preserve the ''status'' of the first marriage?

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Galatia - I don''t know why you''re rolling your eyes at me because I think it''s legally and morally wrong to begin a (romantic) relationship with another when you are still married. For what it''s worth, I think it''s incredibly immature to wave divorce papers around to try to exert some type of control over someone. Maybe he should have gotten an attorney. Or a better one. The second woman is his mistress, whether she wants to be called that or not and whether or not the two have held themselves out to be married to others.

The whole situation sounds like a Lifetime movie to me

 

[monarch64]

Date: 3/15/2010 1:19:19 PM
Author: DivaDiamond007
Galatia - I don''t know why you''re rolling your eyes at me because I think it''s legally and morally wrong to begin a (romantic) relationship with another when you are still married. For what it''s worth, I think it''s incredibly immature to wave divorce papers around to try to exert some type of control over someone. Maybe he should have gotten an attorney. Or a better one. The second woman is his mistress, whether she wants to be called that or not and whether or not the two have held themselves out to be married to others.

The whole situation sounds like a Lifetime movie to me

Yes, it is rude to withhold signing divorce papers as a way to control someone. I know, because it happened to me. I also started seeing someone romantically before my divorce was officially finalized. Feel free to throw stones.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 3/15/2010 1:28:39 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 3/15/2010 1:19:19 PM

Author: DivaDiamond007

Galatia - I don''t know why you''re rolling your eyes at me because I think it''s legally and morally wrong to begin a (romantic) relationship with another when you are still married. For what it''s worth, I think it''s incredibly immature to wave divorce papers around to try to exert some type of control over someone. Maybe he should have gotten an attorney. Or a better one. The second woman is his mistress, whether she wants to be called that or not and whether or not the two have held themselves out to be married to others.

The whole situation sounds like a Lifetime movie to me

Yes, it is rude to withhold signing divorce papers as a way to control someone. I know, because it happened to me. I also started seeing someone romantically before my divorce was officially finalized. Feel free to throw stones.

*THROWING STONES*! Tramp.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 3/15/2010 1:19:19 PM
Author: DivaDiamond007
Galatia - I don''t know why you''re rolling your eyes at me because I think it''s legally and morally wrong to begin a (romantic) relationship with another when you are still married. For what it''s worth, I think it''s incredibly immature to wave divorce papers around to try to exert some type of control over someone. Maybe he should have gotten an attorney. Or a better one. The second woman is his mistress, whether she wants to be called that or not and whether or not the two have held themselves out to be married to others.

The whole situation sounds like a Lifetime movie to me

Wait, what?

Did I miss the part about the church couple starting to date BEFORE he chose to leave his first wife? Did he not file for legal separation? Forgive me if I just missed it.

 

[galeteia]

Date: 3/15/2010 1:19:19 PM
Author: DivaDiamond007
Galatia - I don''t know why you''re rolling your eyes at me because I think it''s legally and morally wrong to begin a (romantic) relationship with another when you are still married. For what it''s worth, I think it''s incredibly immature to wave divorce papers around to try to exert some type of control over someone. Maybe he should have gotten an attorney. Or a better one. The second woman is his mistress, whether she wants to be called that or not and whether or not the two have held themselves out to be married to others.


The whole situation sounds like a Lifetime movie to me

It''s because you equated polygamy with someone who has been separated and undergoing divorce proceedings for 15 years. I am not a polygamist, nor can I relate to that lifestyle, but I casually know people who are, and they would be seriously offended by casually equating polygamy with not-actually-committed bigamy.

I am not sure if this couple was part of a ''legal separation'', but Canada (and hence my basis of experience) does not have the no-fault divorce option, and "living ''separate and apart'' for more than one year" is grounds for divorce. Most couples I know who have divorced have simply separated for the year, rather than going with the other options of "adultery" or "mental or physical cruelty".

Although some couples reconcile before the year is over, ''separated'' means ''not together anymore'' and calling someone''s partner of 15 years a ''mistress'' because his first wife refused to complete the last stage of the divorce is disrespectful to the life they have built together. I am disturbed that divorce is apparently so difficult to complete in some states; it''s appalling to think that people have legal recourse to punish you for decades and you are powerless to sever from them unless they agree.

 

[FrekeChild]

I knew someone in a situation kind of like Ara Ann's husband and non-wife. He is a very famous person in certain circles. He had been living away from his wife for over 20 years, because she refused to divorce him due to the social status she gained from remaining married to him. He had a girlfriend, that for all intents and purposes, was his wife, and they had been together for over 15 years, and she had helped raise his children, who are all well over 20 now. But they couldn't legally marry because his wife wouldn't grant him the divorce. Did they present themselves as husband and wife? I don't know, because I didn't mix with them socially.

When he died, his ex-wife stormed his place of work, and his home claiming that because she was his wife, it was all hers. Luckily for his girlfriend, he had protected himself and her legally, and had had documents drawn up stating that in the event of his death his beneficiaries were his children and his girlfriend as well as organizations he was involved with.

This was a man that couldn't get a divorce either, because she blatantly refused to sign the divorce papers. And apparently for good reason (in the wife's eyes) because then she left the door open legally to potentially benefit from his demise, as well as his social stature.

I should mention here too that she also had a boyfriend. He was not alone in his "infidelities". But she wanted her cake, and to eat it too.

What are people supposed to do in this situation where they are obviously estranged in their marital relationship, but still wanting companionship? Are they just supposed to remain chaste until either the end of their days or until the spouse grants the divorce?

 

[joelly]

Date: 3/15/2010 7:41:02 AM
Author: Maisie
Without going into a religious discussion (which we aren''t allowed to on PS) there are rules/requirements in the Bible about divorce and remarriage. I can understand why people might not think this situation is ok in the eyes of God.

I never thought of its as not being ok in the eyes of God.

It''s just weird (to me at least) to claim one''s boyfriend as one''s hubby. It''s sounds so desperate from the woman''s side, as if we are wishing he would marry us but not very certain so we are hoping that if we call him "hubby" so much that he would decide "ok lets just get marry".

Having said that, I also now wonder if these women use the power of suggestion to their BF. Smart women then, IMHO.

I''m sure someone is gonna shoot me for my thoughts but there it is.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 3/15/2010 1:33:51 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 3/15/2010 1:28:39 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 3/15/2010 1:19:19 PM

Author: DivaDiamond007

Galatia - I don''t know why you''re rolling your eyes at me because I think it''s legally and morally wrong to begin a (romantic) relationship with another when you are still married. For what it''s worth, I think it''s incredibly immature to wave divorce papers around to try to exert some type of control over someone. Maybe he should have gotten an attorney. Or a better one. The second woman is his mistress, whether she wants to be called that or not and whether or not the two have held themselves out to be married to others.

The whole situation sounds like a Lifetime movie to me

Yes, it is rude to withhold signing divorce papers as a way to control someone. I know, because it happened to me. I also started seeing someone romantically before my divorce was officially finalized. Feel free to throw stones.

*THROWING STONES*! Tramp.

Yep. I should''ve been made to wear a scarlett "A" on my trampy bosom. I tried to be less trampy, I had been separated for 1.5 years and 5 hours of distance, but of course...no amount of reasoning on my part will ever make me not a tramp. I dared to taint the institution of marriage.

I don''t know how people get through life by taking everything so SERIOUSLY. Seriously.