People who refer to their boyfriend as their husband...

[étoile]

I have heard the whole wifey thing coming from mostly younger couples. I have never heard it the other way around and find it a little odd really. It''s kind of a title that I only want my husband to have. It would seem weird to have called a previous boyfriend "my husband", ya know? I think in some instances it''s just wishful thinking on 1/2 of the couple''s part. Isn''t that why they have the SO term? Maybe I''m just old fashioned.

 

[Shoopy]

If you think they are married, just congratulate. If they correct you, then they correct you. No need to feel like an idiot or complicate your life trying to analyze the whole thing.

I refer to my fiance as my partner because fiance sounds silly and we''re too old for boyfriend/girlfriend. He has been referring to me as his wife for years as does all his friends even though they know we are not married. I don''t think twice about it because I have other things to think about.


God help him if he ever calls me his baby momma.

 

[Callisto]

Hmmm I would never refer to SO as my husband before we are married. Some of our friends will jokingly refer to us as married but only because we live together and have all the commitment of a marriage without the certificate. i.e. if SO is on the phone with one of our friends discussing ideas of what to do that night, they might ask him "what does the wife think about it" kinda like a joking "ball and chain" kind of deal. But they all obviously know we''re not married.

Oddly SO and I were listed as married on facebook as a joke when we first started dating. As things started as a summer fling, neither of us changed our status from single. However we were given a hard time (as a joke) from a friend of ours one night about how we couldn''t be affectionate in public unless it was "facebook official". So SO made some comment like "oh you want it to be official... we''ll make it OFFICIAL" and put married on our facebooks. It stayed that way for a few months until we officially became a couple and then we changed it to "in a relationship" but again - everyone knew we weren''t really married.

 

[Arkteia]

Date: 3/13/2010 10:29:54 AM
Author: HVVS
Some states recognize common law marriage, and one of the standards for getting cohabitation upgraded to common law is presenting yourself as married, lol. So maybe those gals are not s dumb. Might give her some power over his or joint assets in the event of a breakup. http://www.expertlaw.com/library/family_law/common_law.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage

Almost all U.S. states recognize common-law marriages validly entered into at a time and place where common-law marriage was recognized, although some impose certain public-policy exceptions to the recognition of common-law marriages involving minors or persons who would not be entitled to marry in that state for some reason. A common law marriage occurring under military law is not binding on the non-military spouse (if a mixed marriage) and therefore unlikely to be recognized by some jurisdictions.

If you look at many actors/actresses/celebrities, they live in common-law marriages for long and nobody holds it against him. I believe people are just protecting their assets in case of a separation (divorces are usually messier).

Sophia Loren lived in common-law marriage with Carlo Ponti for almost 20 years because his wife, a Catholic, would not grant him a divorce. When she finally did, I bet Sophia had a real wedding. They had to be married in France; in Italy it was impossible due to religion.

P.S. Checked in Sophia's biography...even more interesting! Carlo's wife did give him a divorce; the Church did not. Carlo divorced his first wife in Mexico and married Sophia by proxy because she was filming in Hollywood. 5 years later she had to divorce him because in Italy he was facing charges for bigamy. Finally, legally married him in France. They were still not considered "legally" married in Italy for many years...but called themselves "husband" and "wife". Off-topic but I find it interesting.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 3/13/2010 12:04:14 PM
Author: Ara Ann

Date: 3/13/2010 11:54:19 AM

Author: Maevie

I was just coming back here to post again to make sure you didn''t take my previous post the wrong way - I wasn''t intending to be critical but perhaps to suggest that for you, this goes beyond the deception.



But I got here in time to read your reply!

Given what you''ve said, I think that trying to graciously bow out of any involvement in the wedding and planning would be the best idea for you. You''re not obliged to be her ''good friend'' if you don''t want to!

Thank you for your reply and advice!


And I think that''s the best course of action, to be honest while trying to not hurt her feelings and bow out as gracefully as possible.

You''re welcome Ara Ann - it is a awkward situation for you to be in for sure!

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 3/13/2010 2:17:28 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
I hear this A LOT when people call in at the PD.. A LOT A LOT.. and then when I ask about last names, they say, oh well, we live together, he''s my baby''s daddy, but we''re not really married.. ok, that''s different.. not married is not married and living together for multiple years doesn''t automatically make you husband and wife. I have found a lot of times here, its cultural.

I think this actually depends a lot on where you live - here in Canada (to the best of my understanding) as soon as you have lived with a romantic partner for a period of 12 months, you are common law married and subject to many of the same benefits and rules.

 

[stepcutgirl]

This is all so...odd.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/13/2010 2:33:02 PM
Author: stepcutgirl
This is all so...odd.

I don''t see what''s odd. Inquiring minds want to know.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/13/2010 1:48:13 PM
Author: fiery
If you think they are married, just congratulate. If they correct you, then they correct you. No need to feel like an idiot or complicate your life trying to analyze the whole thing.


I refer to my fiance as my partner because fiance sounds silly and we''re too old for boyfriend/girlfriend. He has been referring to me as his wife for years as does all his friends even though they know we are not married. I don''t think twice about it because I have other things to think about.



God help him if he ever calls me his baby momma.

I''m not complicating my life. Just asking a question.

 

[akmiss]

Date: 3/13/2010 1:48:13 PM
Author: fiery
If you think they are married, just congratulate. If they correct you, then they correct you. No need to feel like an idiot or complicate your life trying to analyze the whole thing.

I refer to my fiance as my partner because fiance sounds silly and we''re too old for boyfriend/girlfriend. He has been referring to me as his wife for years as does all his friends even though they know we are not married. I don''t think twice about it because I have other things to think about.


God help him if he ever calls me his baby momma.

lol Fiery! where my baby daddy at?

To the OP, I can understand that you are feeling deceived but I wonder how the couple would have been received if they had presented themselves as unwed? I don''t mean to offend but some church groups can be very judgemental. The couple''s situation is pretty complicated and maybe they felt it was easier not to explain. It is true that some states have common law marriages after 5 -7 years of cohabitation. If the couple are truly your friends then you have no option but to move past this. I am sure this woman has dreamt of her wedding just many of us on PS. She deserves a great wedding.
Good Luck

 

[stepcutgirl]

Date: 3/13/2010 2:37:16 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 3/13/2010 2:33:02 PM

Author: stepcutgirl

This is all so...odd.

I don't see what's odd. Inquiring minds want to know.

No...I mean non married people calling each other by husband or wife. Not the question. I've come across it myself on FB and each time I think...why? You are saying you are something you are not. To me...that is odd.

 

[trillionaire]

FI has called me his wife since we got engaged. He says in his mind, we were married when I accepted his proposal, lol. It''s cute in the house, but he does not do it publicly. He would on FB jokingly, but he has not done so. He also called me ''fiancizzle'' for a while... he''s a big silly mess.

I didn''t know that using the term loosely was becoming popular, but ''wifey'' is a very popular term (which I hate), and is definitely not confused with wife in my circles.

I DO NOT call FI hubby or husband. He has to wait.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/13/2010 2:52:23 PM
Author: stepcutgirl

Date: 3/13/2010 2:37:16 PM

Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 3/13/2010 2:33:02 PM


Author: stepcutgirl


This is all so...odd.

I don''t see what''s odd. Inquiring minds want to know.

No...I mean non married people calling each other by husband or wife. Not the question. I''ve come across it myself on FB and each time I think...why? You are saying you are something you are not. To me...that is odd.

Oh, ok I get what you''re saying now. I kind of can understand older more established couples doing it (constantly explaining your relationship stauts might get tedious) but it''s these younger girls.

Like today, perfect example. My friend''s sister had her status as "Spending today with the boy and in-laws!" She''s 18 and has been dating her boyfriend less than a year. Just say "My boyfriend''s parents." To me in-laws sounds weird... Because they aren''t her in-laws!

 

[stepcutgirl]

I'm with you. If an older settled couple had lived together for a long time and were legally considered married I'd probably say ok but more often than not it is young people who are not engaged and it's false advertising and in some instances is someone desperate to be married who is not.


For instance the other day at my bf's office party his childs mother was there with her bf's daughter (you might need to read that twice) and when she was introducing the young girl she introduced her as her "soon to be step daughter". I asked her if she had gotten engaged..nope...she just desperately wants to be.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 3/13/2010 2:56:28 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 3/13/2010 2:52:23 PM
Author: stepcutgirl

Date: 3/13/2010 2:37:16 PM

Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 3/13/2010 2:33:02 PM


Author: stepcutgirl


This is all so...odd.

I don''t see what''s odd. Inquiring minds want to know.

No...I mean non married people calling each other by husband or wife. Not the question. I''ve come across it myself on FB and each time I think...why? You are saying you are something you are not. To me...that is odd.

Oh, ok I get what you''re saying now. I kind of can understand older more established couples doing it (constantly explaining your relationship stauts might get tedious) but it''s these younger girls.

Like today, perfect example. My friend''s sister had her status as ''Spending today with the boy and in-laws!'' She''s 18 and has been dating her boyfriend less than a year. Just say ''My boyfriend''s parents.'' To me in-laws sounds weird... Because they aren''t her in-laws!

I see this a lot too. I think people are just very informal these days. I have a lot of younger cousins on FB, and let''s just say that I am not impressed by any parts of their social etiquette, so I don''t take much that they say seriously.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I see this ALL the time on facebook and it drives me INSANE. Seriously, it is one of my biggest pet peeves. I see my nieces and all her teenage friends who are still in high school calling their boyfriends this and then when they have a best friend they are listed as married to them. I see this on a lot of people''s profile I went to high school with too. I guess I just don''t get it but the thing that bothers me about it is that they just don''t seem to respect what marriage means or understand how serious of a relationship it is. Drives. Me. Insane.
That''s all I have to say about this.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 3/13/2010 2:30:38 PM
Author: Maevie

Date: 3/13/2010 2:17:28 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
I hear this A LOT when people call in at the PD.. A LOT A LOT.. and then when I ask about last names, they say, oh well, we live together, he''s my baby''s daddy, but we''re not really married.. ok, that''s different.. not married is not married and living together for multiple years doesn''t automatically make you husband and wife. I have found a lot of times here, its cultural.

I think this actually depends a lot on where you live - here in Canada (to the best of my understanding) as soon as you have lived with a romantic partner for a period of 12 months, you are common law married and subject to many of the same benefits and rules.

WOW! That''s really cool, though I would venture to say that I year is not very long. I think in the US, the few states that still have common law requires many, many years of living together. I would love to just be able to have a common-law marriage, I''m very much not into weddings and the idea of it just evolving naturally suits me quite well. We are getting married on our dating anniversary anyway, so I imagine that not much would be different except the marking of time.

 

[bee*]

I''ve seen this on fb a bit too and have never got it either. Why not wait until you''re married to call each other husband and wife?!

 

[Maisie]

Date: 3/13/2010 9:32:48 AM
Author: Ara Ann
This is interesting timing because I am faced with a similar situation, but it''s a bit more complicated and I''d like some feedback, really not sure what to do. I almost started a thread about it myself...but it may fit here.

My DH and I met a nice couple at our church about a year ago...they let on that they are married, they live together, he was ''divorced'' and has 3 kids with that ''ex-wife'' and they wanted to try to have more kids. On this woman''s FB page, she lists herself as married and has her name hyphenated and talks about her wonderful husband and how happy they are, etc.

My DH got to know this couple pretty well, through various church activities they were all in together... I have just recently gotten to know her a little better, but we are not ''close'' friends. But, she had confided in my DH a couple of months ago, that she and her ''husband'' are not married, he is still legally married to his first wife and they''ve been living together for over 15 years, telling people they are married.

I guess his first wife had refused to sign divorce papers, so they just went on with their lives as a married couple.


My problem with this is, that I guess the first wife is finally going to sign the divorce papers and the new ''wife'' now wants a ''wedding'' at our church, with a dress, etc. and has been asking me to help her plan things! She wants me to go dress shopping with her, asking for advice, etc. She''s acting like a giddy bride, when in reality she''s been living with this guy for a long time already, as his ''wife''.

I just don''t feel right about the whole situation and am not sure what to do. I really don''t know the details either...but it doesn''t sit right with me. I don''t plan to actively participate in her plans, but she''s already asked us to save the date of their wedding open!

Any advice?

I completely get where you are coming from and I would feel the same way. We aren''t allowed to have discussions on PS about religious stuff but I want you to know that I have a faith and this wouldn''t sit comfortably with me either. I wouldn''t judge them (and I know you aren''t either) but I would be wondering where your pastor would be coming from with his advice that they should marry. Unless this guy wasn''t going to church when this all happened in which case its before he was saved... if you get me.

I hope that made sense. I just wanted you to know I see your point and agree

 

[Ara Ann]

Date: 3/13/2010 4:42:15 PM
Author: Maisie

Date: 3/13/2010 9:32:48 AM

Author: Ara Ann

This is interesting timing because I am faced with a similar situation, but it''s a bit more complicated and I''d like some feedback, really not sure what to do. I almost started a thread about it myself...but it may fit here.


My DH and I met a nice couple at our church about a year ago...they let on that they are married, they live together, he was ''divorced'' and has 3 kids with that ''ex-wife'' and they wanted to try to have more kids. On this woman''s FB page, she lists herself as married and has her name hyphenated and talks about her wonderful husband and how happy they are, etc.


My DH got to know this couple pretty well, through various church activities they were all in together... I have just recently gotten to know her a little better, but we are not ''close'' friends. But, she had confided in my DH a couple of months ago, that she and her ''husband'' are not married, he is still legally married to his first wife and they''ve been living together for over 15 years, telling people they are married.


I guess his first wife had refused to sign divorce papers, so they just went on with their lives as a married couple.



My problem with this is, that I guess the first wife is finally going to sign the divorce papers and the new ''wife'' now wants a ''wedding'' at our church, with a dress, etc. and has been asking me to help her plan things! She wants me to go dress shopping with her, asking for advice, etc. She''s acting like a giddy bride, when in reality she''s been living with this guy for a long time already, as his ''wife''.


I just don''t feel right about the whole situation and am not sure what to do. I really don''t know the details either...but it doesn''t sit right with me. I don''t plan to actively participate in her plans, but she''s already asked us to save the date of their wedding open!


Any advice?

I completely get where you are coming from and I would feel the same way. We aren''t allowed to have discussions on PS about religious stuff but I want you to know that I have a faith and this wouldn''t sit comfortably with me either. I wouldn''t judge them (and I know you aren''t either) but I would be wondering where your pastor would be coming from with his advice that they should marry. Unless this guy wasn''t going to church when this all happened in which case its before he was saved... if you get me.


I hope that made sense. I just wanted you to know I see your point and agree

Thanks Maisie...yep, I get you.

And yes, they started living together before they started going to church, which does make a difference.

I know people can change, once they see or feel a need to change and I commend them for trying to do the right thing now...and I think that''s where our pastor is coming from too. He sees they want to marry and is encouraging them to do the right thing and ''make it legal'' instead of just settling for living together without a divorce and a legal marriage.

Again, good for them in that respect, but still not comfortable with the whole process as they''ve taken it and I don''t want to be a part of the wedding, formally speaking.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 3/13/2010 4:55:38 PM
Author: Ara Ann

Date: 3/13/2010 4:42:15 PM
Author: Maisie


I completely get where you are coming from and I would feel the same way. We aren''t allowed to have discussions on PS about religious stuff but I want you to know that I have a faith and this wouldn''t sit comfortably with me either. I wouldn''t judge them (and I know you aren''t either) but I would be wondering where your pastor would be coming from with his advice that they should marry. Unless this guy wasn''t going to church when this all happened in which case its before he was saved... if you get me.


I hope that made sense. I just wanted you to know I see your point and agree

Thanks Maisie...yep, I get you.

And yes, they started living together before they started going to church, which does make a difference.

I know people can change, once they see or feel a need to change and I commend them for trying to do the right thing now...and I think that''s where our pastor is coming from too. He sees they want to marry and is encouraging them to do the right thing and ''make it legal'' instead of just settling for living together without a divorce and a legal marriage.

Again, good for them in that respect, but still not comfortable with the whole process as they''ve taken it and I don''t want to be a part of the wedding, formally speaking.

I wonder if they were afraid of being judged by the church congregation and thats why they pretended to be married. Now that they know people in the church they feel comfortable being honest about their situation. And that is a good thing. Maybe take some time to get used to the idea and then you might feel able to offer them some kind of support. We have all fallen short remember

 

[akmiss]

Date: 3/13/2010 2:50:42 PM
Author: akmiss

Date: 3/13/2010 1:48:13 PM
Author: fiery
If you think they are married, just congratulate. If they correct you, then they correct you. No need to feel like an idiot or complicate your life trying to analyze the whole thing.

I refer to my fiance as my partner because fiance sounds silly and we''re too old for boyfriend/girlfriend. He has been referring to me as his wife for years as does all his friends even though they know we are not married. I don''t think twice about it because I have other things to think about.


God help him if he ever calls me his baby momma.

lol Fiery! where my baby daddy at?

To the OP, I can understand that you are feeling deceived but I wonder how the couple would have been received if they had presented themselves as unwed? I don''t mean to offend but some church groups can be very judgemental. The couple''s situation is pretty complicated and maybe they felt it was easier not to explain. It is true that some states have common law marriages after 5 -7 years of cohabitation. If the couple are truly your friends then you have no option but to move past this. I am sure this woman has dreamt of her wedding just many of us on PS. She deserves a great wedding.
Good Luck

OOPS! comment intended for Ara Anna and not the OP.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 3/13/2010 5:05:56 PM
Author: Maisie

Date: 3/13/2010 4:55:38 PM

Author: Ara Ann

Date: 3/13/2010 4:42:15 PM

Author: Maisie



I completely get where you are coming from and I would feel the same way. We aren''t allowed to have discussions on PS about religious stuff but I want you to know that I have a faith and this wouldn''t sit comfortably with me either. I wouldn''t judge them (and I know you aren''t either) but I would be wondering where your pastor would be coming from with his advice that they should marry. Unless this guy wasn''t going to church when this all happened in which case its before he was saved... if you get me.



I hope that made sense. I just wanted you to know I see your point and agree

Thanks Maisie...yep, I get you.


And yes, they started living together before they started going to church, which does make a difference.


I know people can change, once they see or feel a need to change and I commend them for trying to do the right thing now...and I think that''s where our pastor is coming from too. He sees they want to marry and is encouraging them to do the right thing and ''make it legal'' instead of just settling for living together without a divorce and a legal marriage.


Again, good for them in that respect, but still not comfortable with the whole process as they''ve taken it and I don''t want to be a part of the wedding, formally speaking.

I wonder if they were afraid of being judged by the church congregation and thats why they pretended to be married. Now that they know people in the church they feel comfortable being honest about their situation. And that is a good thing. Maybe take some time to get used to the idea and then you might feel able to offer them some kind of support. We have all fallen short remember

I would be willing to bet some jewelry budget that this is precisely why the deception began.

 

[Ara Ann]

Date: 3/13/2010 5:05:56 PM
Author: Maisie

Date: 3/13/2010 4:55:38 PM

Author: Ara Ann

Date: 3/13/2010 4:42:15 PM

Author: Maisie



I completely get where you are coming from and I would feel the same way. We aren''t allowed to have discussions on PS about religious stuff but I want you to know that I have a faith and this wouldn''t sit comfortably with me either. I wouldn''t judge them (and I know you aren''t either) but I would be wondering where your pastor would be coming from with his advice that they should marry. Unless this guy wasn''t going to church when this all happened in which case its before he was saved... if you get me.



I hope that made sense. I just wanted you to know I see your point and agree

Thanks Maisie...yep, I get you.


And yes, they started living together before they started going to church, which does make a difference.


I know people can change, once they see or feel a need to change and I commend them for trying to do the right thing now...and I think that''s where our pastor is coming from too. He sees they want to marry and is encouraging them to do the right thing and ''make it legal'' instead of just settling for living together without a divorce and a legal marriage.


Again, good for them in that respect, but still not comfortable with the whole process as they''ve taken it and I don''t want to be a part of the wedding, formally speaking.

I wonder if they were afraid of being judged by the church congregation and thats why they pretended to be married. Now that they know people in the church they feel comfortable being honest about their situation. And that is a good thing. Maybe take some time to get used to the idea and then you might feel able to offer them some kind of support. We have all fallen short remember

I am trying to get used to the idea and try to be happy for her/them...and I have also thought that was the reason they pretended to be married...but then why not just leave it at that, let people think they are married and not talk about it SO much, over and over, on FB etc. "I am SO lucky ''he'' married me," - "I am the luckiest woman in the world to be married to ''S''". All posted once they had been coming to church for quite a while. She has even said to me, "Aren''t we lucky to have such wonderful husbands?" That was purposeful and deceitful...she has said some of these things after I found out the truth too.

Yes we''ve all fallen short and I do every day...but I don''t think I''d have the guts to do that over and over, after I should know better, ya know? Just makes me leery of starting a relationship with her on a deeper level. I know no one is perfect and I don''t expect her to be perfect, but I just don''t like the deceitfulness.

 

[Maisie]

If you feel that uncomfortable Ara then you should keep your distance. I understand that trust is an issue, and letting someone into your life who you feel is untrustworthy wouldn''t be good for you. It is a complicated situation and I can completely see it from your point of view.

 

[lilyfoot]

I really do not like when girls do this.

I had a few different friends that were doing this .. I actually put up a status commenting on it, a while back.

I think it's just not right. I wouldn't even call my FI my husband (until he actually IS my husband).

ETA: And, in case anyone is wondering, my state does NOT do common-law marriages, so that's not whats happening. And I am younger, early 20's.

 

[Ara Ann]

te:[/b] 3/13/2010 5:17:17 PM
Author: akmiss


To the OP, I can understand that you are feeling deceived but I wonder how the couple would have been received if they had presented themselves as unwed? I don't mean to offend but some church groups can be very judgemental. The couple's situation is pretty complicated and maybe they felt it was easier not to explain. It is true that some states have common law marriages after 5 -7 years of cohabitation. If the couple are truly your friends then you have no option but to move past this. I am sure this woman has dreamt of her wedding just many of us on PS. She deserves a great wedding.

Good Luck

OOPS! comment intended for Ara Anna and not the OP.[/quote]


I know the church on the whole has a reputation for being closed minded and judgmental...however, our church in particular is one that is not like that. My husband has dealt with some very serious emotional issues and had nothing but support from our church, where others would have possibly turned him out because of the nature of what he deals with. We have many community outreach programs that help people overcome drug addictions, alcohol abuse, divorce care groups for adults and kids, /physical-emotional abuse support groups, on and on. Anyone is welcomed and loved on, if they are a church member or not. We see and help people from every walk of life and treat others with respect...including couples living 'in sin'. I promise you, if she had been honest with me from the beginning, I would be far less upset.

Like I had mentioned, she became very involved in our church, and is in a leadership role, etc. and that does carry personal responsibility with it. I am happy they are going to be doing the right thing and happy for them...but it does make me question her integrity.

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 3/13/2010 2:30:38 PM
Author: Maevie

Date: 3/13/2010 2:17:28 PM

Author: SanDiegoLady

I hear this A LOT when people call in at the PD.. A LOT A LOT.. and then when I ask about last names, they say, oh well, we live together, he''s my baby''s daddy, but we''re not really married.. ok, that''s different.. not married is not married and living together for multiple years doesn''t automatically make you husband and wife. I have found a lot of times here, its cultural.

I think this actually depends a lot on where you live - here in Canada (to the best of my understanding) as soon as you have lived with a romantic partner for a period of 12 months, you are common law married and subject to many of the same benefits and rules.

Depends on what province you are in. For example, that applies in British Columbia. In Alberta or Manitoba, it is three years. In both cases, you can also register BEFORE that time as common-law too.

Both my husband and I previously lived in common-law relationships. However, we still referred to our partners as our common-law spouse, not our wife/husband.

My mother and stepfather lived together for 25 years before they got married last month (and were common-law, obviously) and never called one another husband and wife until they married

Anyway, I can see it being done however in these sorts of relationships where they are common-law, either by time lived together or registration. But not in these young kids who just are dating and start doing it!

For the record, we never referred to one another as wife or husband before we married. Even now we prefer to use one another''s actual name

 

[galeteia]

Date: 3/13/2010 5:20:23 PM
Author: Maevie

Date: 3/13/2010 5:05:56 PM
Author:

I wonder if they were afraid of being judged by the church congregation and thats why they pretended to be married. Now that they know people in the church they feel comfortable being honest about their situation. And that is a good thing. Maybe take some time to get used to the idea and then you might feel able to offer them some kind of support. We have all fallen short remember

I would be willing to bet some jewelry budget that this is precisely why the deception began.

Was going to say exactly this. This couple has been a couple for so long, and they are finally in a position where they can achieve the status that was denied to them by circumstances for a long time.

The comments about the first wife''s marriage likely lasting if it was not for this interloper make me wonder about what sort of prejudices and judgments are being made. A husband is a person, not a sack of grain to be looted and carried off by the swiftest opportunist, and if that person decides that they are happiest with partner A instead of partner B, that is their business. If this was some sort of Jezebel, fly-by-night, home-wrecking seductress bent on breaking up his marriage, I doubt they would still be together after 15 years. Most people don''t tend to leave happy relationships, and if they have been together for 15 years, obviously they care deeply for one another and are happy together. Does anyone have the right to look down their nose at a couple that''s truly happy?

They chose to rejoin a church, and knew they were going to face heavy censure and disapproval if they''d been open about it. You can bet that when I meet members of SO''s family''s church, I don''t go correcting them that we are only legally and not ceremonially married.

I can understand why the questioner would be upset at the deception, but can you blame them? Would it have been better for them NOT to go to church, so as to not upset the delicate sensibilities of the church-goers?

Also, from what I remember from friends facing this at tax-time, in Canada you are common-law after living with a romantic partner after 3 years, but if you have a child it''s only 12 months.

As for the FB thing, because I''m used to common law marriages, it''s neither here nor there for long-term committed couples to refer to themselves however they wish. I tend to use the term ''partner'' but if a couple is common law I will often refer to them as husband and wife.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

What Galatiea said... I totally agree with her. I think they might have some hesitation in telling the whole church something that is their business. I don't think they should have *broadcasted* their "marriage" but does it really affect you *other than emotionally* one way or the other, that they are/aren't married? Doubtful.