- Joined
- Sep 19, 2004
- Messages
- 2,547
Thank ALL of you, and thanks Dee-Jay for posting the links.
AGBF. There is actually not much details in my previous threads as I figured that my PS friends needed to know the basics; but, did not wish to discuss the details at the time.
But, we are past a few hurdles - so here is the basic story.
I, as many of the oldtimers know, have my own unique perspective on life and a variety of subjects. Many people misunderstand (or cannot comprehend) and the best description of how I can interact with people was provided by one of my marred female friends: It was along the line of "you know Perry, the problem you have is that you are really a great person; but, that you don't fit into the standard classifications. So when someone meets you they try to categorize you; and everyone has a standard set of people catagories that they formed based on their family, friends, and other acquaintances. What happens is that because they can't place you - and your views can be controversial that you get lumped into the "dangerous creep" (or similar) category; even though you are anything but."
I suspect some of the old timers can relate to that. So, after much thought I figured that I would do much better in meeting women if I focused on women who were not from the US and had different expectations and views.
But, even then internet dating is still very much filled with people who try to scam you - or want to just marry you for the sake of you getting them a "green card" and then they will dump you. A lot of people tend to be honest; but even if honest the question was did they have the qualities I was looking for and the same general goals in life. An equal lot of people tend to be dishonest and want to use you. Sorting that all out was not fun.
So I was on my way back from a 1 week "vacation" trip to Upstate NY where I had visited a prospective lady with in order to find out if she was the one. Boy, did I get my answer - so I cannot say it was a week of vacation and $1800 wasted. But, I was really debating giving up. But, being Perry I decided to try again (quitters never win).
So I registered on a new site Sept 17, 2011; Zhanna and I made Contact by Sept 20; and we started emailing each other.
A couple things that stood out about Zhanna.
1) While she was at the top of her profession in the Ukraine (and made several times the average wages); she also had reached her peak and wanted more not only professionally but also personally in life (which included a good husband). She did not want to just live off of me.
2) She had a Visa to visit the US and had a trip planned for a 6 week vacation in the US starting in January. I have a lot of food allergies and travel overseas could be dangerous as I do not know what is in the local prepared food (and when you cannot read and speak the language...).
Note that in order for me to apply for "green card" status for a woman from another country I would have to meet her first. Also, I believed that it would take more than just a few days of meetings to decide if this was the person to get married with.
Zhanna was willing to spend at least a week with me should our initial meeting go well.
3) She read Positive Mental Attitude books - the same ones I've read; and is always reading more. I sent her an email about a situation I was in; and she responded back with a line straight out of Dale Carnegie's "How To Win Friends & influence People"; to which I responded with a question if she had ever read any Napoleon Hill... WOW - finding someone else who has improved their life through these books and understands how powerful they are (and Z's reaction to my reading and discussing these books was the same). It matters not that she reads them in Russian and I read them in English. The concepts are universal.
Essentially - we are both positive people who believe in helping others as the way to get ahead.
She spoke limited english and we transitioned to Skype.
We discussed lots of thing: Some whimsical, others serious.
We met in Person Jan 20, 2012 in Davenport IA in a shopping mall. After that we went to the local art museum. I then met her brother and their family, and that evening she decided that I was OK to visit me for a week and we returned (6 hours) to my home.
Because I work a full time job, Zhanna could not speak much english, could not drive, etc I ensured that she was immediately enrolled into English as a 2nd Language Classes (even if I was not the right one - her learning english would help her in the future) and ensured she had a bus pass and knew the bus routes between my home and the college. That way she would not have to sit home and wait for me all day.
It is my job to ensure she is a success. I truly believe that I can only be a success if she becomes successful.
Zhanna never left. Yes she has visited her brother a time or two. But she always came back. The greatest complement came several months later when an interpreter asked her if I was the kind of person and like what was in the emails I had sent and had posted on the dating site, and represented myself as on Skype. Z responded "yes - exactly, he hid nothing, and he is who he presents himself to be."
Of course Z had entered the US on a Visitors Visa, with an expiration date for her to legally be in the US. My job has a security clearance attached to it such that I need to keep things legal; and while we knew we were going to get married the question was when. After consulting with immigration lawyers we knew that we had a relatively small window in which to get married that minimized the immigration problems for Princess Zhanna, and ensure that there could not be security clearance questions for me.
We married April 21.
But we had to get through the immigration process, and she had to learn to drive (Zhanna passed her drivers test on Nov 22). We did a pre-nup, and have done wills, power of attorneys, and health care power of attorneys. I have had certain documents done to international standards so that they are valid in the Ukraine. At first Zhanna did not understand why I wanted all of those; but, she has now seen some of her new friends in the US get into situations and realized how important those documents can be.
Plans are for Zhanna to start her own internet based business as she will be able to make more $$$ that way and have more time freedom than any job she could get here in the US.
Currently Zhanna is in the Ukraine (for about a month) renewing her Ukrainian Passport. When she came to the US in January 2012 for a 6 week vacation it did not matter that her Passport would expire next year (they are valid for 10 years). Now it does if she is to have the freedom to travel and return home and back to the US until she can become a US Citizen and get a US Passport. She can also only renew her passport in the Ukraine. This also allows her to pack her personal belongings that she wishes to bring back to the US.
Anyway its been a busy year; and I only feel that I can talk much about it now that we are through the different legal processes. None of that was cheap; but it is done.
Zhanna's english is much improved and in another 6 months or a year in the English as a 2nd Language classes will be adequate for her to freely function in the US and elsewhere.
Of course, there are a lot of other stories in there. Bottom line we are a good match, and we are both thankful we chose to marry the other.
Oh, and for those wondering: She really is a Princess.
Perry
AGBF. There is actually not much details in my previous threads as I figured that my PS friends needed to know the basics; but, did not wish to discuss the details at the time.
But, we are past a few hurdles - so here is the basic story.
I, as many of the oldtimers know, have my own unique perspective on life and a variety of subjects. Many people misunderstand (or cannot comprehend) and the best description of how I can interact with people was provided by one of my marred female friends: It was along the line of "you know Perry, the problem you have is that you are really a great person; but, that you don't fit into the standard classifications. So when someone meets you they try to categorize you; and everyone has a standard set of people catagories that they formed based on their family, friends, and other acquaintances. What happens is that because they can't place you - and your views can be controversial that you get lumped into the "dangerous creep" (or similar) category; even though you are anything but."
I suspect some of the old timers can relate to that. So, after much thought I figured that I would do much better in meeting women if I focused on women who were not from the US and had different expectations and views.
But, even then internet dating is still very much filled with people who try to scam you - or want to just marry you for the sake of you getting them a "green card" and then they will dump you. A lot of people tend to be honest; but even if honest the question was did they have the qualities I was looking for and the same general goals in life. An equal lot of people tend to be dishonest and want to use you. Sorting that all out was not fun.
So I was on my way back from a 1 week "vacation" trip to Upstate NY where I had visited a prospective lady with in order to find out if she was the one. Boy, did I get my answer - so I cannot say it was a week of vacation and $1800 wasted. But, I was really debating giving up. But, being Perry I decided to try again (quitters never win).
So I registered on a new site Sept 17, 2011; Zhanna and I made Contact by Sept 20; and we started emailing each other.
A couple things that stood out about Zhanna.
1) While she was at the top of her profession in the Ukraine (and made several times the average wages); she also had reached her peak and wanted more not only professionally but also personally in life (which included a good husband). She did not want to just live off of me.
2) She had a Visa to visit the US and had a trip planned for a 6 week vacation in the US starting in January. I have a lot of food allergies and travel overseas could be dangerous as I do not know what is in the local prepared food (and when you cannot read and speak the language...).
Note that in order for me to apply for "green card" status for a woman from another country I would have to meet her first. Also, I believed that it would take more than just a few days of meetings to decide if this was the person to get married with.
Zhanna was willing to spend at least a week with me should our initial meeting go well.
3) She read Positive Mental Attitude books - the same ones I've read; and is always reading more. I sent her an email about a situation I was in; and she responded back with a line straight out of Dale Carnegie's "How To Win Friends & influence People"; to which I responded with a question if she had ever read any Napoleon Hill... WOW - finding someone else who has improved their life through these books and understands how powerful they are (and Z's reaction to my reading and discussing these books was the same). It matters not that she reads them in Russian and I read them in English. The concepts are universal.
Essentially - we are both positive people who believe in helping others as the way to get ahead.
She spoke limited english and we transitioned to Skype.
We discussed lots of thing: Some whimsical, others serious.
We met in Person Jan 20, 2012 in Davenport IA in a shopping mall. After that we went to the local art museum. I then met her brother and their family, and that evening she decided that I was OK to visit me for a week and we returned (6 hours) to my home.
Because I work a full time job, Zhanna could not speak much english, could not drive, etc I ensured that she was immediately enrolled into English as a 2nd Language Classes (even if I was not the right one - her learning english would help her in the future) and ensured she had a bus pass and knew the bus routes between my home and the college. That way she would not have to sit home and wait for me all day.
It is my job to ensure she is a success. I truly believe that I can only be a success if she becomes successful.
Zhanna never left. Yes she has visited her brother a time or two. But she always came back. The greatest complement came several months later when an interpreter asked her if I was the kind of person and like what was in the emails I had sent and had posted on the dating site, and represented myself as on Skype. Z responded "yes - exactly, he hid nothing, and he is who he presents himself to be."
Of course Z had entered the US on a Visitors Visa, with an expiration date for her to legally be in the US. My job has a security clearance attached to it such that I need to keep things legal; and while we knew we were going to get married the question was when. After consulting with immigration lawyers we knew that we had a relatively small window in which to get married that minimized the immigration problems for Princess Zhanna, and ensure that there could not be security clearance questions for me.
We married April 21.
But we had to get through the immigration process, and she had to learn to drive (Zhanna passed her drivers test on Nov 22). We did a pre-nup, and have done wills, power of attorneys, and health care power of attorneys. I have had certain documents done to international standards so that they are valid in the Ukraine. At first Zhanna did not understand why I wanted all of those; but, she has now seen some of her new friends in the US get into situations and realized how important those documents can be.
Plans are for Zhanna to start her own internet based business as she will be able to make more $$$ that way and have more time freedom than any job she could get here in the US.
Currently Zhanna is in the Ukraine (for about a month) renewing her Ukrainian Passport. When she came to the US in January 2012 for a 6 week vacation it did not matter that her Passport would expire next year (they are valid for 10 years). Now it does if she is to have the freedom to travel and return home and back to the US until she can become a US Citizen and get a US Passport. She can also only renew her passport in the Ukraine. This also allows her to pack her personal belongings that she wishes to bring back to the US.
Anyway its been a busy year; and I only feel that I can talk much about it now that we are through the different legal processes. None of that was cheap; but it is done.
Zhanna's english is much improved and in another 6 months or a year in the English as a 2nd Language classes will be adequate for her to freely function in the US and elsewhere.
Of course, there are a lot of other stories in there. Bottom line we are a good match, and we are both thankful we chose to marry the other.
Oh, and for those wondering: She really is a Princess.
Perry
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