Old fashioned and proud of it!

[cellososweet]

I LOVE THIS THREAD!

I am so old-fashioned that it hurts.

My husband and I joke that I''m a throwback wife because I really enjoy making a home. Cooking everything and anything from scratch, making jam, making muffins, fresh-squeezing lemonade. Cleaning like a mad-woman. It''s just something that I really enjoy!

So here are the ones that I can think of off the top of my head. I know that I already break the no-tattoo rule. Haha. But I think every old-fashioned lady has a little she-devil in there somewhere.

-Please and thank you aren''t things that are said to get your way, they are things that are said out of respect and to be humble.
-Never invite yourself to someone''s house (I hate these phone calls! "Hey, we''re going to be in Boston a couple of days and we only have a rental for Thursday, so we were wondering. . . ")
-If you ask people to take their shoes off in your house, offer them slippers in case they weren''t expecting to be barefoot and have holes in their socks or dry feet.
-Mr. and Mrs. are always used for people old enough to be your parents or older.
-Give your seat up on the train or bus to people who are older, disabled, pregnant, carrying a lot of belongings, or have small children.
-Hold the door for other people (I''m a woman and I still hold the door for others, especially if they have a lot of bags or a stroller).
-Always use polite phone etiquette ("May I please speak to. . . ") and don''t call to late or too early.
-Bring a small token of appreciation if you are being asked to dinner/stay over at someone''s house (a bottle of wine is always good for dinner parties as long as you imply that it doesn''t need to be enjoyed right away. The host might have something else picked out. Or a small gift for the house is always nice when being invited to stay over. A plant for the gardeners, a cookbook for the foodies, etc.)
-Write thank you notes by hand for any gift received or for any favor done, even if you say thank you or it''s mentioned in an e-mail
-Sharing with others is what makes a community. I''ve gotten to know my neighbors and now when I''m making jam and I make too much (which always happens), I share.
-Respect other people''s opinions even if you think that they pulled them out of an unmentionable orifice or yanked them from a foreign planet.
-Have respect for your parents, even with their faults.


I''m a complete dinner-table etiquette-nazi as well. Put your napkin on your lap. Don''t eat the bread like a caveman. Don''t double-dip. Haha. Treat the servers with respect. They are here to help, not be your slave. Be nice, their job is difficult. They don''t need you to make it any harder.

On the topic of kids:
Kick a can for crying out loud. Get off of your behind and get outside. Use Ma''am and Sir. Comb your hair. Do your homework without having to have a conversation about "20 more minutes of Wii." Have a little respect.

And P.S.- I''m 24. So, no old fogie here.

 

[Kelli]

Date: 4/26/2009 12:48:09 PM
Author: Steel



I like this thread TGal. It is nice to know others prefer good old values.

I must say though that I would encourage my daughter to wait to move in with a man until engagement has been realised. It is not true in all relationships but a number of men enjoy free milk,

and never plan to buy the cow.

Mostly I would love a return to the sentiment of - taking a village to raise a child. I would like that I could stop a stranger (adult or child) who litters and admonish them without fear of stabbing. I would like to stop a toddler from ripping pages from books in the library without fear of an assault charge/dirty look from the parent. I would like to share cakes with the neighbourhood without fear of a lawsuit because little Jimmy ate some of the paper wrapper. I would like to put something down in a shop and pick it up 2 mins later without it having been stolen. All of these social niceties usually come from the grandparents down, but often children are raised in isolation and the parents either do not care to instil such manners and etiquette or are unaware of it themselves.

True, but I was WELL AWARE of my fiancee's intentions from the get-go, as he made it clear in every way he could. He also chased me for a good couple of years before I could commit to him. There was no doubt in my mind that he wanted me forever since he told me and showed me that several times a day. But we started dating while he was still in high school (I had just graduated) and we BOTH agreed that marriage was a huge lifelong commitment and we had no reason whatsoever to rush into that before we were both even adults. You always hear not to marry the person you're with at 18 because you go through so many changes in your early twenties. I TOTALLY understand why people say that, because growing up together did get pretty tough at times. But now at 27, I'm EVER so thankful that we made it through, because I think we both would have really missed out had we given up on it when things got tough.

He had a pretty rough home life, and ended up moving in with me at my parents house right after he graduated. When I was 21, we decided to move out on our own, and said that we'd get married after he finished school when we had more money to pay for it. (Neither one of our parents are going to contribute much). We were obviously very young when we started, and it took eight years for the engagement to happen. Abstaining from being intimate with each other, and even living with each other for THAT long, simply would not have made sense. And I don't know about you ladies, but I MYSELF did not want to wait that long for the milk.

The.... um.... MILK, was just as free for me as it was for him. And even after all this time, it's ANYTHING but stale.

I shared my story because I feel that it's all too often that I hear how women shouldn't move in with a guy without a ring on her finger. And I hear judgements (not just on PS obviously but IRL too) about how "that's not what I'd want for MY daughter, etc etc. But in my humble opinion, my fiancee and I did it the smart way. We really waited until we could AFFORD things. We paid off all credit cards and student loans, and we're saving for the wedding right now. Other than the beautiful new house we just bought together, we are starting our marriage debt-free and happily comfortable togther. So would I want the same thing for my daughter? Absolutely!

I'm sure that plenty of girls get taken advantage of because they give the guy too much too fast, but that's just not always the case. If you both know what you're getting into from day one, I don't see how an engagement ring or marriage liscense really makes a difference. Especially when divorce rates are this high anyway.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I personally don''t see anything wrong with living with a man before marriage. In fact, I think every woman should live with a man before getting married (preferably NOT the man she marries). I had one live-in relationship before I met FI and I knew it wasn''t headed to the altar when we moved in together. I did it simply because it was a life experience I felt was important for MY personal development as a woman. I learned SO much from that experience. What to do, what not to do. How to manage a house, how to pay my bills and when to give and when to take with a man. I truly think it was one of the best decisions I''ve ever made. I also followed that relationship with 5 years of being single and casually dating. I think women who enter into live-in relationships with the hope of it blossoming into marriage are deluding themselves to an extent. If you feel you know someone well enough to live with them, then you should have had the marriage talk and you should be 100% confident that it''s going in whatever direction YOU want it to go in.

Sometimes it''s nice to just have life experiences, especially if they prepare you for being a better wife and partner down the road.

 

[Kelli]

Date: 4/27/2009 11:20:46 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I personally don''t see anything wrong with living with a man before marriage. In fact, I think every woman should live with a man before getting married (preferably NOT the man she marries). I had one live-in relationship before I met FI and I knew it wasn''t headed to the altar when we moved in together. I did it simply because it was a life experience I felt was important for MY personal development as a woman. I learned SO much from that experience. What to do, what not to do. How to manage a house, how to pay my bills and when to give and when to take with a man. I truly think it was one of the best decisions I''ve ever made. I also followed that relationship with 5 years of being single and casually dating. I think women who enter into live-in relationships with the hope of it blossoming into marriage are deluding themselves to an extent. If you feel you know someone well enough to live with them, then you should have had the marriage talk and you should be 100% confident that it''s going in whatever direction YOU want it to go in.

Sometimes it''s nice to just have life experiences, especially if they prepare you for being a better wife and partner down the road.

Good point Hudson!

 

[suchende]

Hmm... I don''t think depriving him of milk will make him want this cow any more, either he''s in the market for a cow or he''s not!

I think men in my age range think a little differently. Most of my male friends would not marry a girl they had not lived with.

 

[tlh]

I agree with a lot of the basics you ladies have written about... but I have another one, and I''m really strange on this one. I like my man to act as my protector. I''m not talking starting fights or anything of the sorts... but to make sure I''m out of harms way at all times.

Even though we live in a safe neighborhood, I dont like to take the dogs out after dark. Also, I don''t MIND running alone (during the daytime), but I prefer if my husband runs with me... again for my safety. He always runs w/ me and he always runs a couple inches behind me and to my side. I just subscribe to the theory, some things just cannot be UNDONE.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 4/27/2009 11:47:38 AM
Author: tlh
I agree with a lot of the basics you ladies have written about... but I have another one, and I''m really strange on this one. I like my man to act as my protector. I''m not talking starting fights or anything of the sorts... but to make sure I''m out of harms way at all times.


Even though we live in a safe neighborhood, I dont like to take the dogs out after dark. Also, I don''t MIND running alone (during the daytime), but I prefer if my husband runs with me... again for my safety. He always runs w/ me and he always runs a couple inches behind me and to my side. I just subscribe to the theory, some things just cannot be UNDONE.

I love this about FI. I love that I know he would stand up for me if a guy ever got fresh with me and I like knowing he watches out for me when we''re walking down the street. He also doesn''t like me to do things around the house by myself (like raking leaves, etc). He hates yard work but will do it because he doesn''t like me doing it by myself.