Okay help. Need a sanity check.

[Gypsy]

Please help me be reasonable. Be as HONEST as you want. If I need a kick in the pants (holly, surfgirl, deco, T-gal... etc.) please deliver me one.

Bullet points of issue:

* Went to tasting for venue. 1/2 food was good. 1/2 sucked.
* Worried because half that sucked was NOT complicated or predicable stuff.
*Contacted catering manager with concerns. She thanked me for expressing them. That was about it.
*Contacted Director of catering wtih concern. Was defensive, didn''t apologize or even VALIDATE my concerns, jut offerecd excuses. I asked very clearly for another tasting, this time of the EXACT dishes I will be serving. I offered to pay for it.
*Also... found out the the Director of catering-- is the head chef''s wife. So, great. I complained about his lousy cooking to his wife who told him RIGHT AWAY I was complaining.


SO... here''s the thing. I''m 4.5 months out to my wedding. My photographer, baker, makeup artist, invitation maker, florist are all engaged (although nothing, including my invites has been set into stone, beyond my deposits).

I love the look of my ceremony site and the cocktail hour site. My cake will be fabulous, and so will the flowers and decor.

I am SO worried about the food I just started looking at other venues for the same date. It won''t be a big deal for any of my other vendors AS LONG AS THE DATE and TIME aren''t changed.

But a) its such a pain and it''s stressful. And many won''t do pre-booking tastings. And I''ve got to get this done so that I can print out the invites.

B) I''ll lose my deposit and even if I find a place that costs about the same, it''s going to put my over budget... and I really can''t do that without a ton of stress.

Is is worth it?
Should I try and do the switch?
Or should I just try to work as best as I can with my current venue (which would mean asking John to step in as I am the ''enforcer'' and he''s ''public relations'')
What would you do?

I have a few venue options, but they are all ones I didn''t book for one reason or another. HOWEVER, I can honestly say that if I''d known the food was going to this bad, I would have looked at the other ones harder.

 

[bee*]

Personally I'd try and swap the venue, but I'm a bit of a control and planning freak and knowing that the food might not be up to scratch would really bother me.

ETA-at least have a look at other venues and see do they have your date free. That way you can see what you're working with.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I agree with bee, look and see if they have your date. Do some fact-finding.

However, is it worth it? Well I''m not sure. You''re giving up money, and the food could STILL be bad at a new venue. However, you don''t want to regret staying with your venue. So step 1, call around. We''ll help you go from there.

 

[decodelighted]

When you say 1/2 of the food SUCKED ... do you mean it was "not up to snuff" or "inedible"? Because, while food is something I notice on the day OF the reception, it is not something I *remember* .... the LOOK of the venue, the AMBIANCE, the *feeling* of it is what lingers.

Is it still a brunch? I've been a bit out of the loop ...


ETA: And did they AGREE to another tasting? That wasn't clear ... If you've scheduled another tasting then I wouldn't worry about it until that happens.

 

[Octavia]

Gypsy, when you say the food sucked, what exactly does that mean? Does it mean edible but kind of blah, or does it mean really, truly gawdawful?

If it''s not really THAT bad, but just not what you were envisioning, I''d say save yourself the stress and stick with your current venue. Tastings and the finished product aren''t always synonymous, and half the food WAS good. Also, I completely understand wanting to have good food at the wedding -- it''s one of my biggest *musts* -- but how noticeable do you think it will be for the guests, and how much will they care (other than the picky crazy ones, who won''t be happy anyway)? I''ve been to a wedding where the food was so horrible as to be nearly inedible, and I really didn''t care because my friends were married, happy, and spending within their means for the wedding.

Did you tell the chef specifically what you didn''t like about each dish (i.e. "the vegetable was overcooked, and tasted mushy")? If not, maybe sending a list in writing would help? People tend to be less defensive when they don''t actually have to talk to the person criticizing their work.

If the food is irretrievably bad, then maybe looking for another venue isn''t a bad idea...but it just seems like you''ve been through so much lately, that some less-than-spectacular food at the reception might be a small price to pay for not putting yourself through another stressful situation.

I hope everything works out!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 5/7/2008 2:53:15 PM
Author: decodelighted
When you say 1/2 of the food SUCKED ... do you mean it was ''not up to snuff'' or ''inedible''? Because, while food is something I notice on the day OF the reception, it is not something I *remember* .... the LOOK of the venue, the AMBIANCE, the *feeling* of it is what lingers.

ETA: And did they AGREE to another tasting? That wasn''t clear ... If you''ve scheduled another tasting then I wouldn''t worry about it until that happens.

I agree with Deco. Worth waiting out, because you will just drive yourself nuts if you try to replan everything now just because food wasn''t amazing.

 

[decodelighted]

A personal note:

I remember STRESSING OUT because the BBQ folks we hired were making neon orange mac & cheese that I *hated* when I''d tasted it at their cafe location. Greasy, did i mention NEON, and so unclassy, un-homemade looking. (As if Mac & Cheese can ever be, ha, "classy") .... Anyhooo -- I was so upset about it the topic came up in our meeting with the OFFICIANT! And, spiritual guru that she is, she was all ... C''MON ... it''s MAC & CHEESE!!! Who CARES!!! Go with the flow! So I did ... and you know what ... it was DEEEELICIOUS! And, since I''d broken a tooth the day before the wedding & had a temporary crown on my tooth MAC & CHEESE was about all I ate that day. But it just didn''t even matter. In the big scheme of things, food is food. It doesn''t define you. It''s not what people will remember and its just not worth stressing about. Even FAB tastings can end up as BLAH grub. And amazing chefs can have off days. It''s all a giant cr*pshoot so RELAX LADY!!!

 

[Sabine]

I also want more info! Which dishes specifically were not good? Are they the usual dishes that no one would really expect anything spectacular from anyway? Or could you easily replace the not good food with some easy standbys? And was there enough of the good food to maybe limit your menu to just what was great?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Here''s the tasting thread, I think it''ll answer some questions. She talked about what was so bad: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/been-mia-food-tasting-appetizer-suggestions-and-the-response-cards-advice-please.84667/

 

[newbie124]

Hi Gypsy,

I can kind of relate in a way...I was having some major issues w/ the event staff at the venue we selected. Even got to a point where I looked up the management company (which incidentally is based in Chicago) and started talking to their VP of HR about their poor customer service. I was at a point where I was close to walking away, but ultimately, I didn't think it would be worth it for me to have to go through yet another month of negotiations and I also realized that EVERY place has its little issues that are going to irk you, so would it be worth it to have to go through it all over again? Plus, we really liked the property itself, so eventually I sucked it up and signed the contract (even when they stuck us at the last minute with a ridiculous $500 mandatory valet fee).

From your previous post, it sounds like you at least liked (even really liked) half of the food they served. If that's the case, I would stick to this venue that you liked and already put a deposit on (I know in comparison to your overall budget, $1,200 or so may not be that much, but it's still ONE THOUSAND dollars that could go towards a lot of other things).

I am also very picky about food and it is something I do notice and sometimes remember at weddings. BUT, that is not the ONLY thing I remember. Of all the weddings I've been to I think I've actually enjoyed the food at only one of them (and that was a very expensive wedding where they really went all out), but you know so what? Weddings are about so much more than just food...I think the majority of people will remember the venue and the atmosphere more than the food. So I don't think I'd change the venue just based on this...and at least there were some things on the menu that you enjoyed so just stay away from the ones you know you didn't like and even if the rest turns out just OK, in the grand scheme of things I don't think most of your guests are going to care

But, if you're still not quite convinced and it make you feel better for at least trying, go ahead and call up a couple of places and see what's available. But personally, I don't think I would change the site.

 

[Octavia]

Thanks Sarah, I missed that thread!

 

[Selkie]

To be honest, there''s NO WAY IN HELL I would have been looking for a new venue at 4.5 months out unless the entire tasting had been utter crap and there was NO chance for improvement by discussing the issues with the caterer. Simply WAAAAY too much stress involved, compared to the possibility that some of your guests might not like some of your food. Looking at your other thread describing the tasting, it seems as though the dishes you had issues with were the appetizers and the sauces and things. You sounded happy with the main dishes, but with minor changes that honestly don''t sound unreasonable. The appetizers you didn''t like could be replaced, correct? Yeah, so no. At least try to adjust the menu before driving yourself nuts finding a new venue AGAIN.

 

[cara]

At this point, I would ask for some references of previous wedding couples to check on how their food went. If there are no horror stories, I would just carefully order the food that you WERE happy with. Its not worth it. Yes, mediocre tastings suck. But there are many reasons for them.

Our venue recommended catering by a little restaurant nearby. We went there for dinner at 10pm on a Saturday and had a very mediocre, overpriced meal. We only went back for a catering tasting because of the venue''s enthusiastic recommendation. The catering tasting was better, some good stuff but some things just so-so. Definitely not raves.

We ended up going with them because of their resonable, simplified pricing combined with the venues recommendations. We carefully picked items we liked, even to the point of guessing on appetizers that we hadn''t tried because we weren''t happy with those we sampled.

It was the best decision ever! There service was flawless, the food served was very good, and they managed to deal with all the little things we threw at them perfectly. I don''t know that I would go eat at their restaurant for any reason but nostalgia, but catering a wedding for 100 is very different than making food to order at a restaurant or for a tasting.

I hope, hope, hope that you have good recommendations and feedback about this place before signing. If that all holds up and people have had good weddings here, I would just go with it and try to make the best of it. Pick items you liked or ask them to make items you think can be executed well. Put John on public relations duty - frankly, I think writing them to critique their food was not your best move. But if they are professionals, trust them to be professional and pull off a good wedding.

Best of luck, I am routing for you!

 

[decodelighted]

Looked over your tasting thread and a couple more things jumped out at me ...

Date: 5/7/2008 2:38:36 PM
Author:Gypsy
*Contacted Director of catering wtih concern. Was defensive, didn''t apologize or even VALIDATE my concerns, jut offerecd excuses.

I am not sure why you want or believe you are entitled to an *apology*. They served you their menu, you didn''t like it ... now its about refining the dishes or choosing different ones. For them to APOLOGIZE is to imply fault or that they''ve harmed you in some way. They can''t help it if you don''t like it ... its SUBJECTIVE. Seems to me its wholly appropriate and professional to thank you for your feedback without sniveling for *forgiveness*.

When you try a dress on & don''t like the fit do you expect the designer to APOLOGIZE??? Its taking customer service a bit too far don''t you think?

And when I read your letter to them I literally WINCED. Their crabcakes reminded you of mass-market store freezer variety? That''s like telling you your legal brief looked like a first grader wrote it with crayon??? Unnecessarily harsh. Or the part where you wrote approx.

"Chicken "marsala" ... Really? It tasted more like stewed chicken. A good stewed chicken but a terrible marsala"

Eeek. Gypsy ... you catch more flies with honey! You''re doing more than expressing your dissatisfaction & trying to come to a solution ... you''re kind of ATTACKING them. IMHO, that is. Like you''re ANGRY with them for not getting everything right the first time. Why? Is that a reasonable expectation? Perfection?

The balsamic sauce being "too ketchupy" doesn''t rise to the level of *sucked* in my book but ... yeesh ... maybe I should stay out of it.

 

[surfgirl]

Gypsy, since you called me out specifically to kick you in the proverbial pants, I''m going to oblige you but I dont think you''re going to like what I have to say...but here goes baby, bend over...

First of all, I think you need to stop posting obsessively about every little minutae of your wedding and Just.Do.It already...it seems like this has been going on since before man stood upright, and sometimes I dont even think you really want to get married. I get the feeling that on some level you revel in the drama and you look for problems at every turn, no matter if they exist or not. Maybe you keep looking for all the problems because once you get married all this posting about weddings and the attention it garners will cease to exist. I''m not saying it to be mean, I''m saying it because it keeps happening over and over and over again. And more than anything, I think all of this never-ending drama is going to likely over shadow and ruin your wedding, assuming this wedding ever happens. I say IF, because you keep coming up with reasons to postpone, then you say things are on track and yet, near weekly there is some near-disaster to post about. I just dont get it. When a person has so many problems all the time, at some point one has to look at that person and stop placing the blame on the vendors...And to that end, I think you should just hire a wedding consultant and let them take care of it from here on out and just show up the day of because all this drama just isn''t normal.

I''m sorry if that''s too blunt or honest for you but I think it needed to be said, given the history of your wedding planning...

 

[luckystar112]

YIKES!!!!

See, this is why I never ask for brutal honesty anymore. hehe. I''m fine being dysfunctional (not that you are). lol.

Honestly Gypsy, I think that food is usually on the top of every bride''s must-be-fantastic list. There is nothing wrong with wanting good food...at ALL.

But I kind of agree with Deco on the way you worded your criticisms. I didn''t post in that thread but I thought to myself "ouch!!!". I wouldn''t have written those things BECAUSE with my luck she would have been the cooks wife.

However, this thread isn''t really about that...it''s about you looking for a new venue, which I don''t think that you should do. Taste is such a personal thing and I can guarantee that no matter how hard you try to get it perfect some will LOVE it, some will HATE it, and some will say "meh".

FI and I went to a fancy dinner the other night (I won an award...don''t think for a second he takes me anywhere fancy.

) and he thought the food was AMAZING. To me, it tasted like it had been frozen for a couple of years, cooked, and thrown on the table. Like Deco said, it''s all subjective!

So I think you should stick to your venue, and maybe have them make some of that yummy soup you were describing, and choose the things you really loved from them.

Good luck!

 

[Gypsy]

Okay. Deco, the apology was for the service. The vase broke on our table and the server didn''t clean it up and left broken glass on the table until I picked it up and phsycially showed her the problem. You are right about the flies and honey. I''ll send John in. Thank you for your advice, I really appreciated it as it was constructive.

Surfgirl, I asked for a kick in the pants about THIS ISSUE, and you gave me a kick in the pants-- but boarder and more personal one than was warranted frankly. You''re right, I called you out. And I apologize. Don''t worry it won''t happen again.

Everyone one else, thanks for the responses. I will mull over what you guys said. At this point I''m inclined to shop around to see what else it out there but only for a few days, I will focus my main attention on working something out with the venue regarding another tasting and ask John''s assistance as honey is his department, not mine.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 5/7/2008 4:27:15 PM
Author: Gypsy

Surfgirl, I asked for a kick in the pants about THIS ISSUE, and you gave me a kick in the pants-- but boarder and more personal one than was warranted frankly. You''re right, I called you out. And I apologize. Don''t worry it won''t happen again.

Honey, it''s not just this issue, it''s issues on a nearly daily basis, which is why I said what I did. Take in the spirit of caring. That is how it was written.

 

[Gypsy]

Surfgirl. I have not had daily wedding planning issues. I do post on this board daily however, so I won't dispute your opinion of things You are welcome to your opinion and, as I said, I asked for it. It will not happen again.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/7/2008 4:27:15 PM
Author: Gypsy

Okay. Deco, the apology was for the service. The vase broke on our table and the server didn't clean it up and left broken glass on the table until I picked it up and phsycially showed her the problem.

Honey, didn't you break that vase? Maybe you should have been doing the apologizing>? Can you see it from an outside perspective at all?

If it bothered you that the waitstaff didn't speak English, that's another issue. If it bothered you they weren't five star quality jump-through-hoops seamless service, that's another issue too. But try to be honest with yourself about what's bothering you ... and really think through whether your expectations are reasonable ... high ... or unreachable perfection. The grass is ALWAYS greener. Keep telling yourself that. You're gonna have to get through a lot more discomfort to get this wedding D-O-N-E already!

ETA:

I know I've said this before but it is a mantra that REALLY helps me when I'm spiraling: BETTER IS THE ENEMY OF GOOD. Sometimes just "good" & "done" is enough yanno? As opposed to a stress-filled, endless search for "better".

 

[allycat0303]

Hi Gypsy,

Well I would be a little worried because in my head, when someone is there for a food tasting, you put your best foot forward.

That being said, I think that with 4.5 months to go, I wouldn''t be inclined to change because it would bring more stress onto you.

Good luck! Let us know what you decide.

 

[luckystar112]

FWIW Gypsy (and I know that you didn''t directly call ME out), I don''t think you''ve been overly dramatic with anymore than the rest of us. In fact, in case I missed something, I just went back to your more recent topics. Threading, Dora bride veils, wanting to lose weight, asking for suggestions for things such as MOH gift and what people regret splurging on etc. I don''t get an overly negative vibe from you, if that''s even what surfgirl is saying, I think that you are a great contributor. In fact, I''m confused on this "day to day basis" thing. Huh? Your last "dramz" thread was about your boss.


I know you don''t need anyone to stick up for you, and I''m not trying to, and actually I should probably just stay out of it....but I just wanted you to know I don''t get that vibe from you. I guess it''s kind of like opinions on food.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/7/2008 4:39:29 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 5/7/2008 4:27:15 PM
Author: Gypsy

Okay. Deco, the apology was for the service. The vase broke on our table and the server didn''t clean it up and left broken glass on the table until I picked it up and phsycially showed her the problem.

Honey, didn''t you break that vase? Maybe you should have been doing the apologizing>? Can you see it from an outside perspective at all?

If it bothered you that the waitstaff didn''t speak English, that''s another issue. If it bothered you they weren''t five star quality jump-through-hoops seamless service, that''s another issue too. But try to be honest with yourself about what''s bothering you ... and really think through whether your expectations are reasonable ... high ... or unreachable perfection. The grass is ALWAYS greener. Keep telling yourself that. You''re gonna have to get through a lot more discomfort to get this wedding D-O-N-E already!

Yes. I broke the vase. I did apologize. PROFUSELY at the time.

But what if one of my guest breaks a vase? Or a glass? The waitstaff weren''t trained well-- are they going to have to sit there with glass on the table and then just give up, risk cutting themselves, and pick it up for the waitstaff to see? Deco I''ve had better service at Friday''s. And I''m paying through the NOSE for this. They advertise great food and service.


BUT... again, I''m getting defensive.
You are right, I will take a look at myself, and my expectations. That''s why I asked for a sanity check, I suspected I was losing perspective

. I am a complete control freak, and have problems letting go of things. I will, as you said, let this one go. 4.5 months to go and counting.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/7/2008 4:45:45 PM
Author: luckystar112
FWIW Gypsy (and I know that you didn''t directly call ME out), I don''t think you''ve been overly dramatic with anymore than the rest of us. In fact, in case I missed something, I just went back to your more recent topics. Threading, Dora bride veils, wanting to lose weight, asking for suggestions for things such as MOH gift and what people regret splurging on etc. I don''t get an overly negative vibe from you, if that''s even what surfgirl is saying, I think that you are a great contributor. In fact, I''m confused on this ''day to day basis'' thing. Huh? Your last ''dramz'' thread was about your boss.


I know you don''t need anyone to stick up for you, and I''m not trying to, and actually I should probably just stay out of it....but I just wanted you to know I don''t get that vibe from you. I guess it''s kind of like opinions on food.

Thank you very much honey. I appreciate the support. Very much.

 

[Maisie]

Gypsy,

Most people only get one wedding day and I completely understand why you want it to be perfect. I say do what you have to and make sure you get exactly what you want!!

 

[Miscka]

Gypsy-I totally see where you are coming from. I would be freaked out too. I think that it can''t hurt to look around, but if it turns out that it will be a HUGE deal to switch, try to work with what you have. You will look GORGEOUS and your flowers will be GORGEOUS and there will be so many other things for your guests to focus on than the bad 1/2 of the food.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/7/2008 4:45:58 PM
Author: Gypsy
Deco I''ve had better service at Friday''s.

Well then it''s settled ... Friday''s it is!!!

Proooollly shouldn''t tell you about the explosively horrific case of food poisoning *I* got at a Friday''s .... nope that would complicate your new Sure Thing.

 

[isaku5]

Holy Crappoly!!! Note to self: NEVER ask for a kick in the pants on THIS BOARD!!

Part two of note to self: NEVER EVER ask Deco or Surfgirl specifically for ANYTHING!!

I''m not looking forward to Tgal''s response although since she recently had a baby she might have mellowed a bit. Here''s hoping!!

Gypsy, I don''t care what your problem is or was, but I''m with you all the way, kiddo!

You have every right to ask for another tasting, perhaps requesting different dishes.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/7/2008 4:59:29 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 5/7/2008 4:45:58 PM
Author: Gypsy
Deco I''ve had better service at Friday''s.

Well then it''s settled ... Friday''s it is!!!

Proooollly shouldn''t tell you about the explosively horrific case of food poisoning *I* got at a Friday''s .... nope that would complicate your new Sure Thing.

LOL. Very funny. I didn''t say the food was good or safe. Or that I''ve CONSISTENTLY had good service at Fridays, (it would be fair to say that I''ve pretty consistently had STONED service at Fridays though).

You made your point. Brat. Thanks Deco.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 5/7/2008 5:10:06 PM
Author: isaku5
Holy Crappoly!!! Note to self: NEVER ask for a kick in the pants on THIS BOARD!!

Part two of note to self: NEVER EVER ask Deco or Surfgirl specifically for ANYTHING!!

I''m not looking forward to Tgal''s response although since she recently had a baby she might have mellowed a bit. Here''s hoping!!

Gypsy, I don''t care what your problem is or was, but I''m with you all the way, kiddo!

You have every right to ask for another tasting, perhaps requesting different dishes.

Thank you honey. I am asking for another tasting. Though, granted I''m just gonna let John deal with them from now on. I''m not all that good with honey. ((HUGS))