OK out with it MonkeyPie!

[CNOS128]

Date: 4/7/2009 9:59:10 AM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 4/7/2009 9:53:49 AM

Author: TheBigT

Date: 4/7/2009 9:45:02 AM


Author: MonkeyPie


And there are ALWAYS rules in place to avoid STD''s - come on, we aren''t that slow.

Well, I certainly wasn''t calling you slow, and don''t think anything I said was suggesting that you weren''t careful. I was just saying that this is what would worry me.


There''s always a risk, and there''s always a greater risk with more partners -- whether you''re swinging, or having a threesome, or you''re a single gal who goes out and meets a new guy in a bar every weekend, or you''ve had 5 long-term sexual relationships.


Typically, doctors don''t test for things like herpes unless specifically requested (and I''m not even sure if there is an accurate HPV test -- plus the vaccine only works for certain strains, I believe?), and condoms don''t prevent the transmission of every disease.


I know plenty of smart, not slow people, who have still contracted STDs. Even gynecologists!

I wasn''t saying you called me slow - just that I never put myself in that situation. Before I met my husband and I was going through my wild phase, I contracted a curable STD. And that opened my eyes real darn quick. So there is never a possibility of disease for me - I never allow myself to get that distracted.

Okay, good! I''m glad you''re taking care of yourself and the hubby.

I''m a little slow myself...

 

[Porridge]

Date: 4/7/2009 9:54:07 AM
Author: MonkeyPie

The fear is why you don''t do it. And the fear is not even an ISSUE for me. Because I have complete and utter trust - I have no reason not to. My husband stays home with me the vast majority of the time, and when he DOES go out with his friends, he likes to call me and tell me he loves me, as much as once an hour. He asks before he spends money. He wants my opinion on EVERYTHING and never does anything without asking me first. This isn''t to say he isn''t independent - quite the opposite - but he never does anything that might even possible hurt my feelings. Because he gives a sh*t.


And that is why we can do it, and most people can''t.

We have a relationship exactly like what you described. I would hope that most ladies here are lucky enough to have the same. I wouldn''t say that we "can''t" do it. We just don''t want to. For a multitude of reasons besides trust.

More power to those who do it, if that''s what you like and are happy with and it works then that''s great. I think it''s really interesting to hear about open relationships that are working - and I''m sure there are more here besides monkeypie and elledizzy that have experimented, or at least thought about it?? Thanks to you two for sharing!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 4/7/2009 12:37:31 AM
Author: Linda W

Date: 4/7/2009 12:35:30 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 4/7/2009 12:07:53 AM

Author: Linda W

I think this grandmother, just had a heart attack.

grandma,i''m all confused.

is this the same as having couple of mistress?

DF, read the whole thread. Would you and your wife like to be swingers??

these days...my ERS don''t swing anymore.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Thanks, Porridge

And DF, LMFAO! I am soooo sorry.

 

[tlh]

Wow. Monkey what courage you have to explain your POV. I find it fascinating... I can''t even share my DVD collection w/o having a heart attack! I guess I''m too tightly wound!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 4/7/2009 9:54:07 AM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 4/7/2009 9:50:37 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
I know sex doesn''t equal love, but when you''re intimate with someone things can go places you never exactly planned on. And I''m not trying to sound judgmental when I say this, but...you are all tying this up in a pretty package, like Monkeypie when you said ''I think if love ever came into the picture, we would call the whole thing off and go back to being monogamous''... I guess I don''t understand how you can be sure that would be an option. I suppose in theory that works, like when you''re making a game plan...but in actuality, you''re in love with another person and that isn''t so cut and dry, it changes everything.

I think every couple is absolutely intitled to do whatever it is that keeps their marriage fresh, interesting, and maintains their happiness. If swinging, or swapping, or whatever works makes you happy...good for you, more power to you...for me though I''d fear the fall out far to much to even enjoy it.

The fear is why you don''t do it. And the fear is not even an ISSUE for me. Because I have complete and utter trust - I have no reason not to. My husband stays home with me the vast majority of the time, and when he DOES go out with his friends, he likes to call me and tell me he loves me, as much as once an hour. He asks before he spends money. He wants my opinion on EVERYTHING and never does anything without asking me first. This isn''t to say he isn''t independent - quite the opposite - but he never does anything that might even possible hurt my feelings. Because he gives a sh*t.

And that is why we can do it, and most people can''t.

sooo,do you need to give him the green light before he have sex with another woman,something like a seal of approval?

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 4/7/2009 10:23:43 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 4/7/2009 9:54:07 AM

Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 4/7/2009 9:50:37 AM

Author: Italiahaircolor

I know sex doesn''t equal love, but when you''re intimate with someone things can go places you never exactly planned on. And I''m not trying to sound judgmental when I say this, but...you are all tying this up in a pretty package, like Monkeypie when you said ''I think if love ever came into the picture, we would call the whole thing off and go back to being monogamous''... I guess I don''t understand how you can be sure that would be an option. I suppose in theory that works, like when you''re making a game plan...but in actuality, you''re in love with another person and that isn''t so cut and dry, it changes everything.

I think every couple is absolutely intitled to do whatever it is that keeps their marriage fresh, interesting, and maintains their happiness. If swinging, or swapping, or whatever works makes you happy...good for you, more power to you...for me though I''d fear the fall out far to much to even enjoy it.

The fear is why you don''t do it. And the fear is not even an ISSUE for me. Because I have complete and utter trust - I have no reason not to. My husband stays home with me the vast majority of the time, and when he DOES go out with his friends, he likes to call me and tell me he loves me, as much as once an hour. He asks before he spends money. He wants my opinion on EVERYTHING and never does anything without asking me first. This isn''t to say he isn''t independent - quite the opposite - but he never does anything that might even possible hurt my feelings. Because he gives a sh*t.

And that is why we can do it, and most people can''t.

sooo,do you need to give him the green light before he have sex with another woman,something like a seal of approval?

Depends on who it is. We mutually agreed that a few people were off-limits - like ex-girlfriends and the like. He doesn''t have to ask, but he probably would, because that is the type of person he is.

 

[Shoopy]

So I have a confession. I saw this thread on my phone last night and thought it was about photography. I thought cool, I''ll see some of MP''s work tomorrow. Then I see that its on 4 pages and I thought wow, loads of people are into photography! That''s awesome.

This is not about photography. LOL

I think any relationship that takes the time to consider what would make one another happy is a good relationship, no matter what that decision is. And MP, kuddos to you for sharing!

 

[EricaR]

While an open relationship is not for me, it does seem to work quite well for a few of the couples I know. Couple #1 has been married for four years and has two kids. They''ve been open since the beginning of dating. Couple #2 has been married for twelve years and they also have two kids. The woman in that relationship told the man on their first date that she''d love to go out with him again, but that he had to understand that monogamy is not for her. He thought about it for a few days and decided it sounded intriguing. That was fifteen years ago and they are still an incredibly happy couple.

Each couple has its rules - couple #1 does things together or apart, but only with other women. Couple #2 generally "dates" for a bit rather than jumping right into sex, and it is always done individually.

 

[Deelight]

No judgment here, for me personally I think whatever makes your relationship happy (as long as it doesn''t hurt anyone and is consensual) who am I to say anything.

I personally couldn’t do it not because I don’t trust my partner enough or the sort but apart from not wanting to the “what ifs” that would play on my mind.

Like others have said it is interesting to see how others keep things happy and going over time.

Ladies thanks for having the courage to share your experiences.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Thank you Porridge for putting my feelings into the proper words.

Monkeypie, after reading your response, I have to admit I was slightly put off, and I had to take a minute to really mull over how to respond to what you said. You came off, at least in my interuptation, like you were saying only really safe and very secure marriages could have multiple partners...almost making it sound like those of us who have a different value system than you share in a weaker marriage that isn''t as "strong" as yours.

When, in reality, my marriage sounds a lot like yours...minus a few details of the calling every hour, asking my permission to buy things. My husband and I are very secure, we''re very close, and we love each other very much. Just because we haven''t and don''t plan to open our marriage up to other people...doesn''t mean we''re any less confident that we''re strong together.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 4/7/2009 10:27:54 AM
Author: fieryred33143
So I have a confession. I saw this thread on my phone last night and thought it was about photography. I thought cool, I''ll see some of MP''s work tomorrow. Then I see that its on 4 pages and I thought wow, loads of people are into photography! That''s awesome.

This is not about photography. LOL

I think any relationship that takes the time to consider what would make one another happy is a good relationship, no matter what that decision is. And MP, kuddos to you for sharing!

LOL awww! You can make a photography thread too

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/7/2009 10:43:15 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Thank you Porridge for putting my feelings into the proper words.

Monkeypie, after reading your response, I have to admit I was slightly put off, and I had to take a minute to really mull over how to respond to what you said. You came off, at least in my interuptation, like you were saying only really safe and very secure marriages could have multiple partners...almost making it sound like those of us who have a different value system than you share in a weaker marriage that isn''t as ''strong'' as yours.

When, in reality, my marriage sounds a lot like yours...minus a few details of the calling every hour, asking my permission to buy things. My husband and I are very secure, we''re very close, and we love each other very much. Just because we haven''t and don''t plan to open our marriage up to other people...doesn''t mean we''re any less confident that we''re strong together.

I really don''t think that is what she meant. I interpreted her statement to mean that it takes a very confident, close, well-adjusted, and strong couple to be able to sustain an agreement like an open marriage.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 4/7/2009 10:43:15 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Thank you Porridge for putting my feelings into the proper words.

Monkeypie, after reading your response, I have to admit I was slightly put off, and I had to take a minute to really mull over how to respond to what you said. You came off, at least in my interuptation, like you were saying only really safe and very secure marriages could have multiple partners...almost making it sound like those of us who have a different value system than you share in a weaker marriage that isn''t as ''strong'' as yours.

When, in reality, my marriage sounds a lot like yours...minus a few details of the calling every hour, asking my permission to buy things. My husband and I are very secure, we''re very close, and we love each other very much. Just because we haven''t and don''t plan to open our marriage up to other people...doesn''t mean we''re any less confident that we''re strong together.

I''ll admit I was slightly putt off by yours. But what I meant was, that those that actually want to try an open marriage - not those that are happily monogamous.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 4/7/2009 10:39:43 AM
Author: Deelight
No judgment here, for me personally I think whatever makes your relationship happy (as long as it doesn''t hurt anyone and is consensual) who am I to say anything.

I personally couldn’t do it not because I don’t trust my partner enough or the sort but apart from not wanting to the “what ifs” that would play on my mind.

Like others have said it is interesting to see how others keep things happy and going over time.

Ladies thanks for having the courage to share your experiences.

yeah,too many "WHAT IFs"
what if he gets thee other woman pregnant?

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 4/7/2009 11:03:14 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 4/7/2009 10:39:43 AM

Author: Deelight

No judgment here, for me personally I think whatever makes your relationship happy (as long as it doesn''t hurt anyone and is consensual) who am I to say anything.

I personally couldn’t do it not because I don’t trust my partner enough or the sort but apart from not wanting to the “what ifs” that would play on my mind.

Like others have said it is interesting to see how others keep things happy and going over time.

Ladies thanks for having the courage to share your experiences.

yeah,too many ''WHAT IFs''

what if he gets thee other woman pregnant?

Condoms, condoms, condoms.
Not to mention it doesn''t even HAVE to entail intercourse - it can be everything but.

But just for giggles, let''s say the woman did get pregnant. We don''t do this with just anybody, it would have to be someone we could discuss things with first. There would be a discussion about what to do if this happened, and it would have to be agreed upon by both sides.

 

[NovemberBride]

I have to say, that while this lifestyle is not for me and my DH personally, I think it is very interesting to hear what works for others couples and I too would like to thank MP and Elle for sharing their experiences. I also was happy to read through all 4 pages of this thread and she that it has remained civil and respectful (even when disagreeing) as it seems a number of threads recently have taken turns for the worse. This is an example of PS at its best - its members sharing and discussing openly with other without nastiness.

 

[mochi]

Date: 4/7/2009 11:07:22 AM
Author: MonkeyPie

Date: 4/7/2009 11:03:14 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 4/7/2009 10:39:43 AM

Author: Deelight

No judgment here, for me personally I think whatever makes your relationship happy (as long as it doesn''t hurt anyone and is consensual) who am I to say anything.

I personally couldn’t do it not because I don’t trust my partner enough or the sort but apart from not wanting to the “what ifs” that would play on my mind.

Like others have said it is interesting to see how others keep things happy and going over time.

Ladies thanks for having the courage to share your experiences.

yeah,too many ''WHAT IFs''

what if he gets thee other woman pregnant?

Condoms, condoms, condoms.
Not to mention it doesn''t even HAVE to entail intercourse - it can be everything but.

But just for giggles, let''s say the woman did get pregnant. We don''t do this with just anybody, it would have to be someone we could discuss things with first. There would be a discussion about what to do if this happened, and it would have to be agreed upon by both sides.

Ohhh.... hold the thought....need to get a refill on my popcorn.. Linda, would you like me to bring some for you??

 

[MonkeyPie]

I think Linda had a heart attack and is currently nursing a cocktail somewhere FAR away from me lol.

 

[Dancing Fire]

can the husband have an open relationship but not the wife?

 

[Bia]

It's funny how fast these types of threads turn into pages and pages of responses. Whereas a lot of others one die at page 1 & 2.

So many questions, so little time

 

[Linda W]

Date: 4/7/2009 11:15:11 AM
Author: MonkeyPie
I think Linda had a heart attack and is currently nursing a cocktail somewhere FAR away from me lol.

LOL MP, no I am right here. I don''t judge you honey. Remember, I grew up in the 60''s, so nothing shocks me ha ha.

Whatever makes you and your hubby happy. I love ya, always will.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 4/7/2009 11:16:57 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
can the husband have an open relationship but not the wife?

DF: You are just eating all of this up, aren''t you, ha ha ha ha ha.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 4/7/2009 11:16:57 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
can the husband have an open relationship but not the wife?

Well now that isn''t very fair DF! Lol!

 

[Lauren8211]

Everyone''s views on this are correct. You do what works for your relationship. IMO, I am more scared of FF falling in love with someone at work than I am by bringing someone to the bedroom. Not to say I''m ACTUALLY scared of that, but I''ve heard way more stories about affairs and relationships at work and work-spouses than I have about "open relationship" couples leaving their SO for someone else.

Swinging or being "open" or remaining monogamous or whatever you want to call it obviously has no bearing on how secure your relationship is. FF and I are very much in love and very much partners in our relationship. Sex is a part of that, but I believe sex can be shared with others too, without love. That works FOR US.

I know this makes me sound like a hussy, but to be honest, I have fewer sex partners in my history than almost everyone else I know.

I''ve always had rather liberal views about sex, and I don''t always believe that a marriage or relationship can meet every one of your needs all the time. That''s a lot of pressure to put on relationship. If he has the desire to have sex with someone else, not because he doesn''t love me, but because it''s a turn on for him, then why not? We are very, very close emotionally, and that is what matters most to me. If I can''t meet his sex needs right now, we work on it, and if bringing someone else in helps to satisfy those needs, then I''m supportive of it.

This type of openness obviously requires HEAVY communication. You have to be 100% honest. NO ifs, ands, or buts!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 4/7/2009 11:12:51 AM
Author: mochi


Ohhh.... hold the thought....need to get a refill on my popcorn.. Linda, would you like me to bring some for you??

grandma Linda is in ICU.

 

[Lauren8211]

Oh, and to answer DFs question, there''s watching and swapping. Watching and being watched is actually awesome, IMO.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 4/7/2009 11:27:14 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 4/7/2009 11:12:51 AM

Author: mochi




Ohhh.... hold the thought....need to get a refill on my popcorn.. Linda, would you like me to bring some for you??

grandma Linda is in ICU.

 

[Bia]

Date: 4/7/2009 11:28:00 AM
Author: elledizzy5
Oh, and to answer DFs question, there's watching and swapping. Watching and being watched is actually awesome, IMO.

I always wanted to use this emotie

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 4/7/2009 11:26:45 AM
Author: elledizzy5
Everyone''s views on this are correct. You do what works for your relationship. IMO, I am more scared of FF falling in love with someone at work than I am by bringing someone to the bedroom. Not to say I''m ACTUALLY scared of that, but I''ve heard way more stories about affairs and relationships at work and work-spouses than I have about ''open relationship'' couples leaving their SO for someone else.

Swinging or being ''open'' or remaining monogamous or whatever you want to call it obviously has no bearing on how secure your relationship is. FF and I are very much in love and very much partners in our relationship. Sex is a part of that, but I believe sex can be shared with others too, without love. That works FOR US.

I know this makes me sound like a hussy, but to be honest, I have fewer sex partners in my history than almost everyone else I know.

I''ve always had rather liberal views about sex, and I don''t always believe that a marriage or relationship can meet every one of your needs all the time. That''s a lot of pressure to put on relationship. If he has the desire to have sex with someone else, not because he doesn''t love me, but because it''s a turn on for him, then why not? We are very, very close emotionally, and that is what matters most to me. If I can''t meet his sex needs right now, we work on it, and if bringing someone else in helps to satisfy those needs, then I''m supportive of it.

This type of openness obviously requires HEAVY communication. You have to be 100% honest. NO ifs, ands, or buts!

DITTO TO ALL OF THE ABOVE.

Elle words it much better than I