No one ever told me - the truth about parenthood

[somethingshiny]

The "baby sway" is actually a great way to meet other mommies. You see that woman standing in line and swaying or bouncing, you know she has a child who would be the perfect age for play dates.

The "schedule" while conceptual, is very hard to put into play. Retire yourself to the fact that there''s someone in charge, and it''s not you.


TGAL~ I think you''re gonna have to start sending up sandwiches if TTOT is gonna be in there for a while!!

 

[Erin]

Invaluable.
Thank you ladies!

When I was pregnant for a few months last year, I couldn''t help but worry about all the junk I''d put in my body previously. And what was I going to do with my dog? and I needed to get that door fixed, do I have the right vehicle? the would-have-been baby''s room had two windows, was that too much light? too open to the front street? oh wait, if a car were to run off the road and hit my house....

Worry, worry, worry.

 

[Girlrocks]

Date: 2/24/2008 11:46:44 AM
Author: somethingshiny
The things I didn''t know: (my son''s only 2)

--The first several poops are of tar-like consistency and you think you''re going to remove all of baby''s butt skin in trying to soak the junk off.
--Poop consistency will be a topic of long conversations with your SO.
--The first fever is likely to KILL the parents.
--IF the first fever didn''t manage it, the teething WILL.
--Breastfeeding turns your husband off.
--Colic is WAY worse than you could ever imagine. He cries for 7 hours straight even with a bottle in his mouth. You will cry more than the baby.
--At the age of 6 months, your child has figured out how to work you. You haven''t figured out how to work the child.
--You can always grab a five minute shower, but those long tub-soaks seem mere memories.
--He''ll never show off his new smile/word/walk after you announce his capabilities.
--He can duck kisses.
--He can find his *ya know* at a VERY young age.
--He will immediately talk to strangers, but he won''t say ''hi'' to grandma.
--He can eat half a side walk chalk in under a minute.
--He can actually find and work a screwdriver at 18 months. (watch out for door hinges).
--He can open doors (including locks with keys), childproof cabinets, and eat 3 Hershey''s kisses before you realize he''s left the playroom.
--Everyone will have advice for you. SOMETIMES it''s actually helpful.



****You will laugh more than you ever thought possible****

As a mom of 4, I have to agree with all of these! So true!!

Add...

1. If you child is in the bathroom unattended (and quiet) for longer than 30 seconds, INVESTIGATE IMMEDIATELY...they are doing 1 of 3 things...cutting their hair, rubbing various creams/lotions/bath products all over themselves and the bathroom, or they are jamming everything in sight down the toilet. I speak from experience.

2. If you can''t open something (peanut butter, pickles, FedEx box, "childproof" container, bathroom door), have your 5 year old help you. They can get into anything in under 10 seconds. Bank robbers ought to hire a gang of 5 year olds.

3. DO NOT SAY ANYTHING IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD THAT YOU DON''T WANT REPEATED TO THE ENTIRE 2nd GRADE CLASS, YOUR MOM, THE PEDIATRICIAN OR THE PARENTS OF YOUR CHILDS FRIENDS. Again, I speak from experience. With 4 kids, you will not believe the stuff I have heard from kids when they come over for playdates. I think they store everything in memory until they get someone fresh to spill everything to. Most recently, one of my daughters friends blurted out that her dad just got fired because he was lazy and couldn''t get to work on time. And yes, her parents are married and they all live under the same roof.

4. Once your child can speak, be VERY careful what personal hygeine and/or grooming activities they witness you doing. Refer back to number 3 if confused.

 

[eks6426]

You will never have a private phone conversation again. It seems like kids of all ages sense when mommy gets on the phone. They can be napping, playing with friends or watching TV but as soon as mommy picks up the phone their radar sets in and they suddenly "need something". They hang around and try to talk to you or stare at you until you get off.

 

[somethingshiny]

Date: 2/25/2008 1:51:44 PM
Author: IslandDreams
You will never have a private phone conversation again. It seems like kids of all ages sense when mommy gets on the phone. They can be napping, playing with friends or watching TV but as soon as mommy picks up the phone their radar sets in and they suddenly ''need something''. They hang around and try to talk to you or stare at you until you get off.

And refer back to Girlrocks #3!!

Girlrocks~ The band of 5 yr old robbers would be very hard to find because of their extensive hiding capabilities by that age!

 

[curlygirl]

Oh gosh, these are great!!! My daughter is only 9 months old but I have to agree with so much of what has been written because I''ve experienced it as well!

The worrying is something that will NEVER end. My mother used to always say to me, "One day, you''ll see what it''s all about. One day, you''ll understand." Guess what? She''s absolutely right and until you are a parent, you just don''t get it. You''ll never stop worrying about your child whether he/she is 16 weeks old in your belly or 46 years old and married with children of his own. Your baby will always be your baby!

Who knew a little person could produce so much pee, poop, vomit? It''s amazing. And at some point, you will be covered with all three of those--preferably not at the same time but it will happen! And you won''t care.

The sleepless nights are really tough but once again, my wise mother said, "You have your whole life to sleep. So you''ll miss a few years right now. You''ll long for these days when they are older." I''m not sold on this one yet since my little one is so young and I have another one on the way but it sounds good!

As soon as you accept the fact that your baby has no concept of day, night, time, etc., the light bulb will go off over your head and you''ll learn to just go with the flow and not worry about rigid schedules in the beginning. Just go with it and you''ll be much happier.

Most importantly, nobody told me how much I would really depend on my husband to be there for me. I learned that I really, REALLY needed him in those early days--we really had to be a team. Not only did he help me with the baby, he was there to support me in my worst sleep deprived, hormonal moments. You need to have a good support system to get you through the rough times.

 

[Fancy605]

Where is Anchor? She needs to read this so she can show her FI and say, "SEE?"

These are all the reasons I am super glad my DH isn''t gunning to have a baby straight away. We can barely get ourselves fed and out the door much less another person. Yikes!

I obviously have no children of my own yet, but I do know one truth: all babies, no matter how adorable they are, eventually grow up and become 8th graders. shudder

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Oh, I just thought of a good one! It is more about pregnancy though....no one ever told me my feet would grow I shoe size

 

[butterfly 17]

I remember this thread called THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN from 2005 and thought I would post it here.

But before I do, since someone mentioned the tar-like baby''s first poo, I thought I would impart some of my knowledge on your first time moms. The best way to prevent this poo from sticking to the baby''s butt, it''s called meconium, is to apply a liberal amount of petroleum jelly on the dry, clean butt and spread a bit on the diaper itself where the butt would normally touch the diaper. Meconium is tar colored and sticky and once it dries up, it''s a pain in the butt to remove. But the petroleum jelly will prevent it from sticking to the skin. Don''t worry, it will only last a few days, once the baby starts getting breastmilk/formula into its system, it will change into regular easy to clean poo.





Anyway, here is the birth order of children. Enjoy!

THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

Your Clothes:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
______________________________________________________
Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don''t bother because you remember that last time,
breathing didn''t do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
______________________________________________________
The Layette:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn''s clothes, color-coordinate them, and
fold them neatly in the baby''s little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and
discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can''t they?
______________________________________________________
Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up
the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your
firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical
swing.
______________________________________________________
Pacifier:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you
can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with
some juice from the baby''s bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
______________________________________________________
Diapering:

1st baby: You change your baby''s diapers every hour, whether they need
it or not.

2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain
about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
______________________________________________________
Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and
Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
______________________________________________________
Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
home five times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a
number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees
blood.
______________________________________________________
At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older
child isn''t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
______________________________________________________
Swallowing Coins (a favorite):

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the
hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for
the coin to pass.

3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!
______________________________________________________


(The older the mother, the funnier this is!)


GRANDCHILDREN:

God''s reward for allowing your children to live!!!!!!!!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

So I didn''t change a single diaper while in the hospital, spoiled I know, so now I know I was in for a long time b/c I never had to change a meconium diaper. I do remember DH commenting on it. Her poop was regular by the time we got home.

Butterfly I remember that. Is it bad that I don''t do some of the first born things NOW?

 

[babysteps]

What a great thread! I have now had a full decade of parenthood (10 year old twins, and a 5 year old) - I think it is the only role in the world where in any given hour you can both (a) want to walk into another room and scream into a pillow because you are so cranky/frustrated/bewildered/volcanically angry at your child and (b) have your throat close up with emotion and your eyes well up because the same child has done/said something so sweet/beautiful/honest/funny that it stops you in your tracks. There are a million billion pieces of info. and wisdom -- one sticks out for me, it is an essay by the writer Anna Quidlen on parenthood that I love, I put just a bit in below:

______

I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.
Even today I''m not sure what worked and what didn''t, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I''d done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity. That''s what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were.

______

 

[Joolskie]

Date: 2/25/2008 1:01:52 PM
Author: Girlrocks

Date: 2/24/2008 11:46:44 AM
Author: somethingshiny
The things I didn''t know: (my son''s only 2)

--The first several poops are of tar-like consistency and you think you''re going to remove all of baby''s butt skin in trying to soak the junk off.
--Poop consistency will be a topic of long conversations with your SO.
--The first fever is likely to KILL the parents.
--IF the first fever didn''t manage it, the teething WILL.
--Breastfeeding turns your husband off.
--Colic is WAY worse than you could ever imagine. He cries for 7 hours straight even with a bottle in his mouth. You will cry more than the baby.
--At the age of 6 months, your child has figured out how to work you. You haven''t figured out how to work the child.
--You can always grab a five minute shower, but those long tub-soaks seem mere memories.
--He''ll never show off his new smile/word/walk after you announce his capabilities.
--He can duck kisses.
--He can find his *ya know* at a VERY young age.
--He will immediately talk to strangers, but he won''t say ''hi'' to grandma.
--He can eat half a side walk chalk in under a minute.
--He can actually find and work a screwdriver at 18 months. (watch out for door hinges).
--He can open doors (including locks with keys), childproof cabinets, and eat 3 Hershey''s kisses before you realize he''s left the playroom.
--Everyone will have advice for you. SOMETIMES it''s actually helpful.



****You will laugh more than you ever thought possible****

As a mom of 4, I have to agree with all of these! So true!!

Add...

1. If you child is in the bathroom unattended (and quiet) for longer than 30 seconds, INVESTIGATE IMMEDIATELY...they are doing 1 of 3 things...cutting their hair, rubbing various creams/lotions/bath products all over themselves and the bathroom, or they are jamming everything in sight down the toilet. I speak from experience.

2. If you can''t open something (peanut butter, pickles, FedEx box, ''childproof'' container, bathroom door), have your 5 year old help you. They can get into anything in under 10 seconds. Bank robbers ought to hire a gang of 5 year olds.

3. DO NOT SAY ANYTHING IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILD THAT YOU DON''T WANT REPEATED TO THE ENTIRE 2nd GRADE CLASS, YOUR MOM, THE PEDIATRICIAN OR THE PARENTS OF YOUR CHILDS FRIENDS. Again, I speak from experience. With 4 kids, you will not believe the stuff I have heard from kids when they come over for playdates. I think they store everything in memory until they get someone fresh to spill everything to. Most recently, one of my daughters friends blurted out that her dad just got fired because he was lazy and couldn''t get to work on time. And yes, her parents are married and they all live under the same roof.

4. Once your child can speak, be VERY careful what personal hygeine and/or grooming activities they witness you doing. Refer back to number 3 if confused.

So true guys. So true. And I will just have to go ahead and add the following:

- The "quick trip" you take upstairs to put dirty clothes into a laundry basket allows enough time for a 3-year-old to take a ball point pen to the walls of your new house and the upholstery of your new sofa.

- Mr. Clean "Magic Eraser" sponges are worth every single penny. And they work great on walls.

- Little boys love their "ya-knows" and some 4-year-olds just might choose to inform you how good it feels when he rubs it... while you are sitting in a church pew during Easter Mass.

- As a mature adult, you might think you know what it is like to be emotionally manipulated. You actually have no clue. Because your heart will eat up every bit of "I can''t put my shirt on by myself because I love you Mommy and it is so nice when you do it."

- You will actually imagine having to dress your 15-year-old son someday because he loves you too much to learn how to put on his shirt by himself at the age of four.

- Little boys like to scream. A lot.

I''m sure that I can come up with many more... but these were the few that came to mind. LOL!

- Joolskie (mother of two boys and the self-proclaimed QUEEN of her house)

 

[kellyfish]

Make an extra effort to spend intimate (all types) time with dh once baby comes. Everyone (especially baby!) is better off with Mom & Dad a happy couple.

 

[somethingshiny]

Joolskie~ great additions!!! (thanks for the *ya-know* warnings!!)

And, I completely agree with Kellyfish. I didn''t know how much time DH actually took up until we had a baby. I didn''t know how hard it was going to be to keep TWO boys happy. Luckily, I figured it out. A swing, one for each

 

[divergrrl]

Date: 2/24/2008 2:21:55 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Nobody ever told me (or warned me is more like it) that I could survive (unhappily) on so little sleep. That most days I shower only to put my pjs BACK on! That I would have baby vomit on everything I own (couch, clothes, carpet, hair...), that sometimes your baby just needs to cry and sometimes it helps if you cry too. Nobody told me how difficult breastfeeding IS (seems like it would be the most natural thing in the world), that it takes a long time to physically recover. That you no longer tell time with a clock but when baby''s last feeding was. My life is basically in 3 hour slices. That everything that USED to be important to me (warm food, clean clothes, long showers, blissful naps....) really don''t matter anymore. The best feeling in the world is making your baby smile.

ahem......I warned you!!!!! In great detail! *sending happy booby vibes your way*

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Yes Diver you did. I guess I meant you don''t BELIEVE it is so difficult until you try it. Kind of like thinking you can handle the pain....it''s just something you have to experience to get.

 

[Joolskie]

Date: 2/27/2008 5:57:45 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Yes Diver you did. I guess I meant you don''t BELIEVE it is so difficult until you try it. Kind of like thinking you can handle the pain....it''s just something you have to experience to get.

Amen to that sister...

 

[anchor31]

Date: 2/25/2008 5:46:57 PM
Author: Fancy605
Where is Anchor? She needs to read this so she can show her FI and say, ''SEE?''

These are all the reasons I am super glad my DH isn''t gunning to have a baby straight away. We can barely get ourselves fed and out the door much less another person. Yikes!

I obviously have no children of my own yet, but I do know one truth: all babies, no matter how adorable they are, eventually grow up and become 8th graders. shudder

ROTFL!!! I was thinking the same thing. Oh dear...

 

[rainydaze]

Date: 2/24/2008 11:46:44 AM
Author: somethingshiny
The things I didn''t know: (my son''s only 2)

--The first several poops are of tar-like consistency and you think you''re going to remove all of baby''s butt skin in trying to soak the junk off.
--Poop consistency will be a topic of long conversations with your SO.
--The first fever is likely to KILL the parents.
--IF the first fever didn''t manage it, the teething WILL.
--Breastfeeding turns your husband off.
--Colic is WAY worse than you could ever imagine. He cries for 7 hours straight even with a bottle in his mouth. You will cry more than the baby.
--At the age of 6 months, your child has figured out how to work you. You haven''t figured out how to work the child.
--You can always grab a five minute shower, but those long tub-soaks seem mere memories.
--He''ll never show off his new smile/word/walk after you announce his capabilities.
--He can duck kisses.
--He can find his *ya know* at a VERY young age.
--He will immediately talk to strangers, but he won''t say ''hi'' to grandma.
--He can eat half a side walk chalk in under a minute.
--He can actually find and work a screwdriver at 18 months. (watch out for door hinges).
--He can open doors (including locks with keys), childproof cabinets, and eat 3 Hershey''s kisses before you realize he''s left the playroom.
--Everyone will have advice for you. SOMETIMES it''s actually helpful.



****You will laugh more than you ever thought possible****

i can''t even type i am laughing so hard!!! thank you for that one, somethingshiny!!! (and i am finding it so funny because you are RIGHT ON!!)

 

[rainydaze]

butterfly 17 that is PRICELESS!!! no joke - i have tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard!! between your post and somethingshiny''s all the stress from my day has just flown out the window with one of the best laughs i have had in a while! oh man, my tummy aches!

so many have said it better than i could regarding the truths behind parenting, both the amazing and the not-so, such that i don''t know what i could add. i will say this though, having a sense of humor really helps, along with the support of DH/DD as curlygirl so eloquently put it, because at times you are in complete disbelief that the enormous frustration/grief/battle you are experiencing is all due to someone who is at least a good three feet shorter than you!

 

[kellyfish]

My nipples are totally numb now. Wahh. I have officially breast-fed for 5 years of my life (3 kids). If you decide nurse, don''t listen to anyone who says to pump in the early days to increase your supply. Save the pump for after your milk is established (a month or so) unless absolutely necessary. The idea may be okay in theory, but it will exhaust you & put you on the fast track to wean......

 

[divergrrl]

No one ever told me:

Its not as bad as everyone makes it out to be.

I was terrified, reluctant, not really "on board" with becoming a mom.

I didn''t want to give up my career, my traveling, my fab clothes, my fab social life, my figure, etc.

I resisted the notion all the way to the hospital to deliver my first.

And then they handed him to me.

Fast Forward 3 years and one more child later....

Everyone who said "its so hard, it changes your life, its tough, its blah blah blah blah" was just so wrong from where I sit.

Sure, there are some nights when "bedtime" aka 8pm can''t get here soon enough and I am uncorking a bottle of redwine and guzzing the first glass. LOL. But those nights are few and far between & I never felt that I gave up anything.

I''m the luckiest person in the world. I have 2 healthy kids who give me so much joy, and even when its challenging, its utterly rewarding.

So sure, sometimes there are hard moments, but they all pass and I wouldn''t trade 2 seconds of it for my old life.

 

[jas]

These are so great! Thanks to all...

Special thanks to Diver. I think I''m going to reread that every day until Spud and Tater arrive.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 2/29/2008 3:23:35 PM
Author: divergrrl
No one ever told me:


Its not as bad as everyone makes it out to be.

That''s because your kids sleep!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

No one ever told me how emotional I would become. I cry SO much easier now (songs on the radios, movies, I even cried at Tyra yesterday when the guys kids helped him to propose. It was so cute, they all got down on one knee...) also no one ever told me how crimes against children would make you feel so sick/angry. Of course they *always* bothered me but it is worse now that I have a child.

 

[somethingshiny]

Ditto to Tacori''s last post. I''ve always been interested in true crime. I''ve studied and written papers and studied it some more. It''s always been so interesting to me, to figure out the whole psychological aspect (not that it''s an excuse, of course). But, now, I can''t even watch Law and Order half the time.

Also, the way I describe that first feeling as a mom is like the Wizard of Oz. When Dorothy first steps into Munchkinland and the whole world is in color. THAT''S how it feels to be a mom. Like you''ve lived your whole life in black and white and you didn''t even know it.

And, I didn''t know I would have such visceral reactions to things that I didn''t care about before. Now, I have a definite opinion on EVERYTHING!

 

[divergrrl]

Date: 2/29/2008 4:13:07 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 2/29/2008 3:23:35 PM
Author: divergrrl
No one ever told me:


Its not as bad as everyone makes it out to be.

That''s because your kids sleep!

Guitly as charged. Delaney is sending some sandman sprinkles Tessa''s way.

but still...I have a pukey 3 year old on my hands today & I wrote that. So yeah, my boy is sick and the first things that go through my head are: "at least its not serious" (just a minor bug) and "at least I get to spend the day holding him" (because someday he will be too big to hold).

 

[Girlrocks]

Date: 2/29/2008 5:07:16 PM
Author: somethingshiny
Ditto to Tacori''s last post. I''ve always been interested in true crime. I''ve studied and written papers and studied it some more. It''s always been so interesting to me, to figure out the whole psychological aspect (not that it''s an excuse, of course). But, now, I can''t even watch Law and Order half the time.

Also, the way I describe that first feeling as a mom is like the Wizard of Oz. When Dorothy first steps into Munchkinland and the whole world is in color. THAT''S how it feels to be a mom. Like you''ve lived your whole life in black and white and you didn''t even know it.

And, I didn''t know I would have such visceral reactions to things that I didn''t care about before. Now, I have a definite opinion on EVERYTHING!

I''ve never heard a more true statement.

 

[dani13]

Date: 2/29/2008 7:53:00 PM
Author: Girlrocks

Date: 2/29/2008 5:07:16 PM

Author: somethingshiny

Ditto to Tacori's last post. I've always been interested in true crime. I've studied and written papers and studied it some more. It's always been so interesting to me, to figure out the whole psychological aspect (not that it's an excuse, of course). But, now, I can't even watch Law and Order half the time.


Also, the way I describe that first feeling as a mom is like the Wizard of Oz. When Dorothy first steps into Munchkinland and the whole world is in color. THAT'S how it feels to be a mom. Like you've lived your whole life in black and white and you didn't even know it.



And, I didn't know I would have such visceral reactions to things that I didn't care about before. Now, I have a definite opinion on EVERYTHING!

I've never heard a more true statement.

That's great!

I really cant wait to become a mom...I think I will really love it....Its not our time yet though.. we need to wait a bit longer before TTC, we want to enjoy married life ourselves for awhile...I've always loved children and am very much drawn to them. I really feel like I am meant to be a mommy in this life and am looking foward to it so much!!!

 

[chickflick]

These are great! I've been a mom for all of five weeks now- well, my baby arrived five weeks ago. I think I was a mom from the moment I peed on a stick. I don't have too much to add yet except that I didn't realize how much I would worry olver her every breath, and how even the smallest noise she makes in the middle of the night can wake me up. Oh, and I didn't know how strong the urge would be to duct tape her pacifier to her mouth. Our little doodlebug is the light of my life and now everything I do is truly for her in some way. I would walk five miles in the rain just to see that little gummy smile of hers.