No one ever told me - the truth about parenthood

[snlee]

I''ve heard parenthood is a rich, fulfilling, and rewarding experience. It''s challenging but worth it. Parenthood changes you on every level - physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. No matter how you picture it, I''m sure the reality of it is much different.

People like to share the joys of parenthood but there''s a lot more to it that no one ever tells you about.

Share your truths about parenthood. I''m sure it will be helpful to parents and parents-to-be.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

My FI''s brother just has his first child a little over a month ago. Apperently, he just sent a thank you note to his mom for putting up with him as a baby. I don''t know what little nicole is doing, but I worked at a day care and I can guess.

 

[TravelingGal]

I''m obviously not a parent yet, but I have to say, grandparents make me nervous...

When they get the news of their impending grandparenthood, they get this mischievous twinkle in their eye that says to their child, "Hehehe, payback''s gonna be a b*tch."

It''s not a wonder to me that grandparents spoil their grandkids rotten...they are trying to get you back for all the grief you caused them by making your own child incorrigible!!

 

[Maisie]

Its true, having children really does change your life.

The best way is to go without a fight. If you go kicking and screaming and wishing for your old life, you will have a harder time.

Accept that nothing will ever be the same again. You will change, your life will change, and your husband will change. Embrace these changes!! You are about to embark on a new and exciting stage in your life.


You will have to take on a huge number of different roles....


Teacher
Nurse
Judge
Comforter
Playmate
Cleaner
Mediator
Chauffeur
Banker
Peacemaker
Counsellor

I can''t even remember what I ever did with my time before I became a parent.

I would never change having my children. I love being a mummy! They reward and teach me so much. I am a better person because of them.

 

[D2B]

I think Maisie summed it up really well. Embrace the change and accept things will never be the same and that for many years there will be sleepless nights, lack of pricacy, lack of 'Me'time, lack of romantic time with your husband (unless it is planned like a military operation), and oh lack of spontenaity

.

I think for me the first year was the hardest , I went from a happy career woman, in control of her life, to being a full time mum, with limited control over my life, at the beck and call of a baby. Simple things like going out to get the shopping become the major activity for the day and require associated planning. In the meantime my husbands career goes ahead and I am at home contemplating wether to do dishes before cleaning up the toy room or after

. However for me and us, staying at home with our child was the way we wanted to do it.

Now, that i have setteld into the new rythem of my life and have adjusted, another baby would not cause half as much issues, in hindsight, he was a relatively easy baby, but I had never been around children and was used to being in control and assoicated a lot of my worth with my job and my studies. But wouldnt give him up for the world

, it is simply an adjustment, and the sooner you stop fighting it, the easier it becomes (in my experience

)

Interesting to read what other mums (and dad's) have to say. Often the focus is so much on the delivery, rather than what happens when your bundle comes home. As for the joys, they outweigh any negatives, there is nothing more rewarding or simple in its pure love (if your ready for it!!!). Oh, having children has also made me so much more of a worrier, I worry about everything now -from global issues to the chemicals he might eat in his food -

- oh well - just anothe adjustment.

D2B

 

[jas]

Snlee -- what a great thread! Thank you for starting it!

To all the Mommies and Daddies responding -- this is invaluable to those of us who are a few paces behind you on the parent trail. Keep it coming and thank you to those of you who have already shared their words of wisdom!

 

[lyra]

The responsibility never ends. Mine will be 21 and 18 this year. The honest truth is sometimes I wish they were both out of the house already!!!

There''s a saying I''ve lived by about kids: "Give them roots and give them wings.". That''s been my inspiration all along. You think they are so much work when they''re small, but when they''re grown, there is just as much worry and concern, only you can no longer protect them, just watch them as they succeed and fail as they go along.

 

[diamondfan]

I think being a parent is all of those things, and I also think it humbles you. Nothing else is important or worth worrying about if something is wrong with you child. I have had a couple big scares and luckily things were fine, but boy, I went through emotional devastation and I would have given everything I had just for my son to be fine.

Being a parent is the biggest leap of faith there is. They are part of you and the highs and lows are extreme. It is scary to me. One never knows what will happen, and it involves the rest of your life. Even once a kid hits 18, and is (hopefully) able to take financial care of him or herself, and be function without your direct involvement, a parent is STILL worried and wanting to be there. I am 42 and when I have had health stuff or been worried about something, I KNOW my mom still feels it deeply. So it is not just about 18 years, to me, it is about the rest of your life...from the moment you know are having a baby your life has changed. And like Lyra said, when you get them to 18, it is great, but you have surrendered control long ago, and must let them live their lives. Which can be scary when they seem to be making poor choices etc...

 

[somethingshiny]

The things I didn''t know: (my son''s only 2)

--The first several poops are of tar-like consistency and you think you''re going to remove all of baby''s butt skin in trying to soak the junk off.
--Poop consistency will be a topic of long conversations with your SO.
--The first fever is likely to KILL the parents.
--IF the first fever didn''t manage it, the teething WILL.
--Breastfeeding turns your husband off.
--Colic is WAY worse than you could ever imagine. He cries for 7 hours straight even with a bottle in his mouth. You will cry more than the baby.
--At the age of 6 months, your child has figured out how to work you. You haven''t figured out how to work the child.
--You can always grab a five minute shower, but those long tub-soaks seem mere memories.
--He''ll never show off his new smile/word/walk after you announce his capabilities.
--He can duck kisses.
--He can find his *ya know* at a VERY young age.
--He will immediately talk to strangers, but he won''t say "hi" to grandma.
--He can eat half a side walk chalk in under a minute.
--He can actually find and work a screwdriver at 18 months. (watch out for door hinges).
--He can open doors (including locks with keys), childproof cabinets, and eat 3 Hershey''s kisses before you realize he''s left the playroom.
--Everyone will have advice for you. SOMETIMES it''s actually helpful.



****You will laugh more than you ever thought possible****

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 2/24/2008 8:26:27 AM
Author: D2B

I think for me the first year was the hardest , I went from a happy career woman, in control of her life, to being a full time mum, with limited control over my life, at the beck and call of a baby. Simple things like going out to get the shopping become the major activity for the day and require associated planning. In the meantime my husbands career goes ahead and I am at home contemplating wether to do dishes before cleaning up the toy room or after

. However for me and us, staying at home with our child was the way we wanted to do it.

I have not had kids yet, but my two best friend's had kids in the last year and their experiences were definitely similar to yours D2B. The role shift if you are a career woman appears to be rather jarring if you don't know what to expect.

Once again I am impressed and appreciative of the level of insight that all of my fellow PSers are providing. Thanks and leep it coming!

DD

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Nobody ever told me (or warned me is more like it) that I could survive (unhappily) on so little sleep. That most days I shower only to put my pjs BACK on! That I would have baby vomit on everything I own (couch, clothes, carpet, hair...), that sometimes your baby just needs to cry and sometimes it helps if you cry too. Nobody told me how difficult breastfeeding IS (seems like it would be the most natural thing in the world), that it takes a long time to physically recover. That you no longer tell time with a clock but when baby''s last feeding was. My life is basically in 3 hour slices. That everything that USED to be important to me (warm food, clean clothes, long showers, blissful naps....) really don''t matter anymore. The best feeling in the world is making your baby smile.

 

[Maisie]

I thought of some more.... you will learn to do everything one-handed. You will also rock and sway, even when you aren''t with the baby. I once went to town on my own, and caught myself swaying from side to side when I was waiting for the bus!

You will also find it so much easier the second and subsequent babies you have. Nothing will seem difficult, you will do everything in quick speed and not even worry about a messy house or unwashed hair!

 

[Sha]

Yes! Interesting idea for a thread! I look forward to reading the responses.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/24/2008 11:46:44 AM
Author: somethingshiny
The things I didn''t know: (my son''s only 2)

--The first several poops are of tar-like consistency and you think you''re going to remove all of baby''s butt skin in trying to soak the junk off.
--Poop consistency will be a topic of long conversations with your SO.
--The first fever is likely to KILL the parents.
--IF the first fever didn''t manage it, the teething WILL.
--Breastfeeding turns your husband off.
--Colic is WAY worse than you could ever imagine. He cries for 7 hours straight even with a bottle in his mouth. You will cry more than the baby.
--At the age of 6 months, your child has figured out how to work you. You haven''t figured out how to work the child.
--You can always grab a five minute shower, but those long tub-soaks seem mere memories.
--He''ll never show off his new smile/word/walk after you announce his capabilities.
--He can duck kisses.
--He can find his *ya know* at a VERY young age.
--He will immediately talk to strangers, but he won''t say ''hi'' to grandma.
--He can eat half a side walk chalk in under a minute.
--He can actually find and work a screwdriver at 18 months. (watch out for door hinges).
--He can open doors (including locks with keys), childproof cabinets, and eat 3 Hershey''s kisses before you realize he''s left the playroom.
--Everyone will have advice for you. SOMETIMES it''s actually helpful.



****You will laugh more than you ever thought possible****

LOL...

*crosses legs in the hopes of keeping her cervix good and shut!*

 

[mrssalvo]

somethingsshiney...you post was GREAT and just sooooo true. my 4 year old actually got into a candy dish and opened and ate 4 bags of the tiny m&m''s before I knew what she was doing. and today, she went into the bathroom, i thought she had to go and comes out 2 minutes later with sissors after CUTTING her hair, inches of curls around her face GONE!! you know why she did it?? her answer, she didn''t like the hair in her eyes

..gotta love parenthood

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/24/2008 6:45:10 PM
Author: mrssalvo
somethingsshiney...you post was GREAT and just sooooo true. my 4 year old actually got into a candy dish and opened and ate 4 bags of the tiny m&m''s before I knew what she was doing. and today, she went into the bathroom, i thought she had to go and comes out 2 minutes later with sissors after CUTTING her hair, inches of curls around her face GONE!! you know why she did it?? her answer, she didn''t like the hair in her eyes

..gotta love parenthood

LOL, my friend''s kid just did that a month ago. They have not cut her hair ever, and she has gorgeous long waves. Thank goodness they didn''t hurt themselves with the scissors!!!

 

[Mara]

OMG this is too good to pass up.

TG says:
"crosses legs"

it''s a little late for THAT don''tcha think??

most of my friends with kids DO tell me all the negative stuff too so i feel like I have a good mix of positive and negative. but all of them say they''d of course never ''go back'' and change anything. i think your hormones change so that you pretty much never COULD say you wanted to go back....something about our chemistry because otherwise we might eat our young!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/24/2008 6:55:20 PM
Author: Mara
OMG this is too good to pass up.

TG says:
''crosses legs''

it''s a little late for THAT don''tcha think??

most of my friends with kids DO tell me all the negative stuff too so i feel like I have a good mix of positive and negative. but all of them say they''d of course never ''go back'' and change anything. i think your hormones change so that you pretty much never COULD say you wanted to go back....something about our chemistry because otherwise we might eat our young!

I was trying to keep TTot IN. I don''t care if I turn into a walking beach ball (oh wait, I already am one.) This is the worst possible thread for someone who is 4.5 weeks from giving birth!

 

[ellaila]

Something my brother told me: "You spend the first two years waiting for them to walk and talk, and then the next 16 wanting them to sit down and shut up!"

To echo what others have said, even with all the frustrations and the sleeplessness and the poop and the crying, when your little one smiles at you or falls asleep hugging your arm with their warm little cheek against you, it really does make it all worth it. I know it sounds totally cliche, but when it happens, you really can''t help but melt.

 

[Kaleigh]

You worry from day one. Some days are better than other''s, some days truly suck. But the good thing is, that you get to get up and make up for it in the next day. You learn to pick your battles. Be a parent first and foremsot and friend second. I always wanted an open door policy where they could tell me anything. They couldn''t get in trouble as long as they told me first, if I learned about it after the fact, well that''s not a good thing.

They do tell me a lot. Sometimes, I think OMG do I really need to know that?? But yes, I''d rather that than not knowing enough. My son will be 18, my daughter is turning 20. They have great heads on their shoulders, have a great sense of self and a strong work ethic. I am proud of them, and tell them that all the time. Hubby and I have done a great job so far, but still hold our collective breaths.

It''s the hardest job, but the most rewarding.

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 2/24/2008 6:50:47 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/24/2008 6:45:10 PM

Author: mrssalvo

somethingsshiney...you post was GREAT and just sooooo true. my 4 year old actually got into a candy dish and opened and ate 4 bags of the tiny m&m''s before I knew what she was doing. and today, she went into the bathroom, i thought she had to go and comes out 2 minutes later with sissors after CUTTING her hair, inches of curls around her face GONE!! you know why she did it?? her answer, she didn''t like the hair in her eyes

..gotta love parenthood

LOL, my friend''s kid just did that a month ago. They have not cut her hair ever, and she has gorgeous long waves. Thank goodness they didn''t hurt themselves with the scissors!!!

believe it or not, the sissors she had were the little plastic kid kind that were her her art box. my grownup sissors are locked away, but you are right, thank goodness she didn''t get hurt..

and lol..mara at the too late for *crossing legs*

 

[diamondfan]

I cut my hair too when I was little. A curl was bothering me so I lopped it. Then I decided bangs would be cool. My best friend had them, her hair cut was a bit like Suri Cruise''s, but my hair was long and ringlety. Bangs did not work super well. My mom was a bit horrified.

I do not think anything in life has made me as fearful. I sort of took it blindly that I would have kids and all would be great. I do not think I could even be pregnant now, let alone have a child, with the fears that I now have. I am responsible for this little life, and I am fearful to being with so it is really tough for me. So much is not in our control at all, most of it, and it just really humbles me to deal with it.

 

[Jas12]

Keep it coming ladies--good insight into this ''strange new world''.....

My mom always says that she would have had more kids if not for the constant worry--she thinks that was the worst part of parenthood and i can totally understand how that can be true. I worry about him/her already and s/he''s not even born yet!

 

[snlee]

Date: 2/24/2008 8:50:35 PM
Author: Jas12
Keep it coming ladies--good insight into this ''strange new world''.....

My mom always says that she would have had more kids if not for the constant worry--she thinks that was the worst part of parenthood and i can totally understand how that can be true. I worry about him/her already and s/he''s not even born yet!

Jas, I think the worrying starts the moment they are conceived or very soon after. I am always wondering if he/she is doing okay in there and it''s only the beginning! I try not to worry too much but I''m a worrier by nature. I can imagine that worrying only gets worse when you have kids.

 

[snlee]

Date: 2/24/2008 6:50:47 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/24/2008 6:45:10 PM

Author: mrssalvo

somethingsshiney...you post was GREAT and just sooooo true. my 4 year old actually got into a candy dish and opened and ate 4 bags of the tiny m&m''s before I knew what she was doing. and today, she went into the bathroom, i thought she had to go and comes out 2 minutes later with sissors after CUTTING her hair, inches of curls around her face GONE!! you know why she did it?? her answer, she didn''t like the hair in her eyes

..gotta love parenthood

LOL, my friend''s kid just did that a month ago. They have not cut her hair ever, and she has gorgeous long waves. Thank goodness they didn''t hurt themselves with the scissors!!!

I cut my hair when I was around 4 too. I have no idea why! Maybe I wanted the attention? I put some hair in my mom''s shoes and some in the garbage. When my mom saw hair in the garbage, she freaked out! I gave her quite a scare. I had long hair and they had to cut my hair short to fix it!

 

[snlee]

Thank you to those who shared your truths about parenthood. Keep it coming!

 

[msb700]

Date: 2/24/2008 2:59:26 PM
Author: Maisie
I thought of some more.... you will learn to do everything one-handed. You will also rock and sway, even when you aren''t with the baby. I once went to town on my own, and caught myself swaying from side to side when I was waiting for the bus!

You will also find it so much easier the second and subsequent babies you have. Nothing will seem difficult, you will do everything in quick speed and not even worry about a messy house or unwashed hair!

oh my god!! ahhahah..this is VERY true..i do that all the time...its not just the swaying!! its the patting, the tapping, the rocking...all sans baby..im sure ppl around me think im just nuts!!

one very important thing i learned (actually i think IM STILL trying to learn and my boy is 10 months!), is that no matter how hard u try to follow a schedule or ''a guide'', babies have a mind of their own and will do what they want, when they want....it makes ur life much easier when u just let go sometimes ..this was me previously:

me: little k HAS to drink 8oz of milk during this feed
little k: (mouth clamped shut)
me: but you HAVE to
little k: (mouth still clamped shut)
me: BUT YOU ONLY DRANK 2 oz!!!!
little k: (mouth still clamped but now is also shaking head from side to side)
me(almost at the verge of tears): BUT YOU DIDNT DRINK ENUF!!!
little k: (more head shaking)
me: (huffing and puffing in frustration thinking my child will just starve to death)
husband intervenes: removes the bottle, takes the baby away and kicks me out of the room...
ahahahahahahah.....i have learned that babies will NOT always drink (or eat) the same amount they do at every feed regardless if they''ve been doing so regularly for the past 3 months...it still frustrates me, but ive learned to calmly just remove everything and let little K do his own thing...

 

[msb700]

oh thought of one more thing:

- u will never be ''humming'' the tune of the latest song in the charts anymore..ull actually wake up and fall asleep with some sort of baby jingle in ur head....
(sometimes i catch my husband humming a jingle unknowingly and its just hilarious)...

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 2/24/2008 10:55:17 PM
Author: snlee

Date: 2/24/2008 8:50:35 PM

Author: Jas12

Keep it coming ladies--good insight into this ''strange new world''.....


My mom always says that she would have had more kids if not for the constant worry--she thinks that was the worst part of parenthood and i can totally understand how that can be true. I worry about him/her already and s/he''s not even born yet!

Jas, I think the worrying starts the moment they are conceived or very soon after. I am always wondering if he/she is doing okay in there and it''s only the beginning! I try not to worry too much but I''m a worrier by nature. I can imagine that worrying only gets worse when you have kids.

I started worrying as soon as I saw that second line on the HPT.

 

[eks6426]

When your kids are babies you dress them up but not yourself..nobody notices you anyway...(good thing because time to do hair & makeup is a thing of the past!)

When your kids reach 3-5th grade you HAVE to do your hair & makeup and have the proper clothes or else your kids will make you drop them off a block from school (friend''s house etc.)

When your kids reach their teens there''s nothing you can do with your hair/makeup/clothes that is going to be right so you''d better act like you don''t know them if they are around their friends.