Nice and rich or ZaZING! and poor.

[Allison D.]

Date: 6/15/2009 4:19:53 PM
Author: Mara
having done the ''nice'' guy thing previously, i would not marry someone who i didnt have very strong feelings for. IMO, unless you have been in THAT relationship, with a guy who treats you great, loves you, adores you, whatever...but that you just cannot quite reciprocate the same feelings for... you don''t really know if that is what you would choose. i felt so guilty that i could not reciprocate his feelings even though i tried...like i was cheating him.

after dating this guys for 3 years, i had the opp to date another nice guy who was very rich, but he just did not do it for me....and my friend said ''but he''s rich''...well SO? money can not make up for everything that is lacking.

if as someone else said the passion was real passion for who the person was and a TRUE heart attachment, and not just simple lust... then i would def take that and try to make our way together. you don''t know that someone will ALWAYS be struggling just because they are when you met them, and i have been quite successful in my own right, so even if he never was a breadwinner, i could take care of us.

if i couldn''t do the above, i''d be alone.

eta: 34 married for 5 years, together for 9.

TOTAL DITTO. Upon my first reading of this question, my initial answer was "neither", and it seems Miss Mara has hit upon that too.

I dated the nice guy who would have been the smart ''settle'' choice and felt unfulfilled because I didn''t return his feelings, so I know I couldn''t choose that. I don''t think I could do the ''struggle'' thing long-term with the passion guy either, because saving and working toward a common goal is important to me. It''s hard to maintain passion when you''re struggling to meet basic needs. If those were the only two options, I''d choose to stay single.

I don''t need rich; I just needed someone who was willing to be a contributing partner and shared the same life goals. When I found HIM, I married him (and oddly enough, his name is Rich! LOL).

Married for the first time at 38; married for 5, together for 7 and still head over heels for him.

 

[isaku5]

I have to say that I''m floored by the number of women who chose nice and rich

!

My POV has always been that if I want ''rich'' or even ''rich-ish'', that''s my responsibility to see that I can earn the $$$$. That way, if he turns out to be a loser, I''m still financially set as are our potential offspring

.

I''m 66 and have been married for 46 years. Have they all been glorious and passion-filled??? Never mind. Would I do it differently if given the opportunity? Not a chance

 

[UCLABelle]

Nice and rich, hands down.

Mid-Twenties. Married for less than a year (but almost!).

 

[Mara]

Date: 6/15/2009 6:18:33 PM
Author: isaku5
I have to say that I'm floored by the number of women who chose nice and rich

!

My POV has always been that if I want 'rich' or even 'rich-ish', that's my responsibility to see that I can earn the $$$$.

I also am surprised! BORING!!!!

Totally agree re expecting my fiscal responsibility to fall on my own head for myself.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/15/2009 6:04:11 PM
Author: Allison D.

Date: 6/15/2009 4:19:53 PM
Author: Mara
having done the 'nice' guy thing previously, i would not marry someone who i didnt have very strong feelings for. IMO, unless you have been in THAT relationship, with a guy who treats you great, loves you, adores you, whatever...but that you just cannot quite reciprocate the same feelings for... you don't really know if that is what you would choose. i felt so guilty that i could not reciprocate his feelings even though i tried...like i was cheating him.

after dating this guys for 3 years, i had the opp to date another nice guy who was very rich, but he just did not do it for me....and my friend said 'but he's rich'...well SO? money can not make up for everything that is lacking.

if as someone else said the passion was real passion for who the person was and a TRUE heart attachment, and not just simple lust... then i would def take that and try to make our way together. you don't know that someone will ALWAYS be struggling just because they are when you met them, and i have been quite successful in my own right, so even if he never was a breadwinner, i could take care of us.

if i couldn't do the above, i'd be alone.

eta: 34 married for 5 years, together for 9.

TOTAL DITTO. Upon my first reading of this question, my initial answer was 'neither', and it seems Miss Mara has hit upon that too.

I dated the nice guy who would have been the smart 'settle' choice and felt unfulfilled because I didn't return his feelings, so I know I couldn't choose that. I don't think I could do the 'struggle' thing long-term with the passion guy either, because saving and working toward a common goal is important to me. It's hard to maintain passion when you're struggling to meet basic needs. If those were the only two options, I'd choose to stay single.

I don't need rich; I just needed someone who was willing to be a contributing partner and shared the same life goals. When I found HIM, I married him (and oddly enough, his name is Rich! LOL).

Married for the first time at 38; married for 5, together for 7 and still head over heels for him.

Ha, well, I think a lot of us would choose neither!

For a long time, my answer was zazing and struggling. Even after I got married. I'll tell you what changed my mind...having a kid.

I am currently the breadwinner, and proud of my career and all I have accomplished. I wouldn't want to be a SAHM.

However, I would have liked to have a CHOICE.

No one takes better care of my daughter than I do. No one. Because I am the breadwinner, I feel sometimes a huge burden to work and give our family the financial stability I want for my daughter. On most days, it doesn't bother me.

But there are days when the nanny calls out to me, "TGal, come look at what she did" and I missed it. There are days when I'm sitting alone with her and she does something I know *I* didn't teach her. There are days when I just don't want to work and play with her all goshdarn day.

Sometimes, in doing everything decently, I feel like I do nothing well. And I'd admit, sometimes, when the night is dark and I let my thoughts run amok, I wish I had the freedom to be one of those wives who didn't have to worry about money.

But then, I like being a wife in love too.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Generally speaking, I''d say nice and rich, not because I need the "rich" part, but because I feel like the majority of struggling men wouldn''t be happy in a relationship with me, lol. Even my current fiance isn''t thrilled about the idea that I might one day be the bigger bread winner and when he tells people that I''m going to be a doctor, they go "whoa, sugar mamma, score!". He loves me, and is absolutely supportive, but I have a suspicion he wouldn''t object if I decided to be nurse instead.

However, if I could have a Zazing nerd-type who is completely comfortable with how society would view our comparative salaries and social standing, then I''d go for it I would totally go for a passionate, talented chef who''s struggling in his career. He could cook for me, I could invest in his restaurants and be his safety net if it stumbles, hehe.

 

[Linda W]

Date: 6/15/2009 6:18:33 PM
Author: isaku5
I have to say that I''m floored by the number of women who chose nice and rich

!


My POV has always been that if I want ''rich'' or even ''rich-ish'', that''s my responsibility to see that I can earn the $$$$. That way, if he turns out to be a loser, I''m still financially set as are our potential offspring

.


I''m 66 and have been married for 46 years. Have they all been glorious and passion-filled??? Never mind. Would I do it differently if given the opportunity? Not a chance

My answer too. You just worded it better, than I could have.

Why in the world would I want to marry someone, that I don''t have strong feelings for?


Age: 59 & 1/2 married for 28 years, together for 30.

 

[Mara]

Date: 6/15/2009 6:48:45 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Ha, well, I think a lot of us would choose neither!

For a long time, my answer was zazing and struggling. Even after I got married. I'll tell you what changed my mind...having a kid.

I am currently the breadwinner, and proud of my career and all I have accomplished. I wouldn't want to be a SAHM.

However, I would have liked to have a CHOICE.

No one takes better care of my daughter than I do. No one. Because I am the breadwinner, I feel sometimes a huge burden to work and give our family the financial stability I want for my daughter. On most days, it doesn't bother me.

But there are days when the nanny calls out to me, 'TGal, come look at what she did' and I missed it. There are days when I'm sitting alone and she does something I know *I* didn't teach her. There are days when I just don't want to work and play with her all goshdarn day.

Sometimes, in doing everything decently, I feel like I do nothing well. And I'd admit, sometimes, when the night is dark and I let my thoughts run amok, I wish I had the freedom to be one of those wives who didn't have to worry about money.

But then, I like being a wife in love too.

SAHM's...they don't necessarily not have to worry about money. My friend works from home kind of like you do TG and she knows a lot of SAHM's because she takes her son out with them in the afternoons. She tells me that a lot of these parents and families struggle with the fact that only one person brings in the bacon, and in fact they wish there was more of a happy medium....neither way is the ideal way in their situation.

The other (admittedly absolutely cynical) thing I tend to think is that many wives who TRULY absolutely don't have to worry about money, would not necessarily consider themselves to have a whole lot of 'freedom' in that situation. I know I certainly wouldn't feel all bold and independent. If we have kids, any amt of time that I am not working will be really hard for me to know that I am not contributing financially to the household. Yes yes I know...parenting is just as hard work as a salaried job etc etc...but as someone who has been making money since I was 16 and worked my way through college... it will be hard to not bring in any cash no matter what accomplishments my kid makes because I am there with them as opposed to at work. It's like a mental prison, definitely not freedom. PLUS...add to that that my work at home mom friend tells me she would not want to be a SAHM like her friends because their whole life is about their kids. She is like..they have NO outlet other than other Moms and playdates, she is grateful for work.

I guess if you married nice n'rich but don't love him, and had a kid then you could focus your entire being on that kid so that you would not miss what you didn't have in marriage. But it seems like with the divorce rate out there, that's not guaranteed either...there are tons of unhappy mom's in a rich marriage.

So yeah I'd be alone.

 

[TravelingGal]

Believe me Mara, if I REALLY thought it about it, I wouldn't trade my place. I know a couple of women who well off because of wealthy husbands who work hard (one of the women is a SAHM and the other is trying). Neither had a career, or even a college degree. They both joke about what they would do if their husbands left them - and often the joke is they'd better start working that stripper pole.

I'm saying, for whatever reason, if something happened to TGuy at this stage and I only had TWO options (the ones I mentioned), I'd choose the nice rich guy. IRL I have told TGuy if anything happens to him, I will not be getting remarried, as I am successful enough to be independent.

I used to think it was sad when given the choice, the woman chose nice and rich. I remember having this conversation when I was 27 with two 37 year old women whom I went on vacation with. Now, at least I understand where they are coming from. At this stage in the game, I would NOT want to pick someone who is struggling!

 

[packrat]

I''m a 6 day a week sahm and work 1 day. This arrangement is not quite 2 months old. We were struggling before, and it''s worse now. But I''m happier. Plus he''s looking at a different job that will make HIM happier, but will tighten the strings up waaaaay tight. But, I love my husband. Not only do I love JD as a husband, I love him as my friend. We struggle, but we struggle *together*, not separately. We''re a team. We have wonderful communication and stay on the same page. I do wish we could do more, and wish we had more..but I wouldn''t trade the love I have for my husband (and the 2 beautiful children that have resulted) for a guy I liked ok but had more money.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/15/2009 7:22:45 PM
Author: packrat
I''m a 6 day a week sahm and work 1 day. This arrangement is not quite 2 months old. We were struggling before, and it''s worse now. But I''m happier. Plus he''s looking at a different job that will make HIM happier, but will tighten the strings up waaaaay tight. But, I love my husband. Not only do I love JD as a husband, I love him as my friend. We struggle, but we struggle *together*, not separately. We''re a team. We have wonderful communication and stay on the same page. I do wish we could do more, and wish we had more..but I wouldn''t trade the love I have for my husband (and the 2 beautiful children that have resulted) for a guy I liked ok but had more money.

So, if god forbid, something would happen to your hubby now, would you be with a financially struggling person again or would you consider a nice guy with lots of money who loves you?

 

[NovemberBride]

Ditto to Isaku, Mara, Linda and everyone who is surprised how many women here (in what I consider to be a highly intelligent and independent group of women) chose nice and rich. I could not imagine being married to someone I did not have strong feelings for. I feel like it''s the equivalent of the men on the board having a poll that asked would you choose a wife that''s hot and dumb or average and smart. I think there''d be a lot of outrage here if the men all chose hot and dumb.

In my experience, rich is overrated, especially if it is not wealth you earned personally. I am lucky enough and have worked hard enough to ensure my own financial stability. One of the reasons for this is that growing up I saw so many of my friends parents where the wives stayed married because of money. I am not saying these women married for money, in fact I believe most of them married for love. But they stayed in marriages where they were cheated on or otherwise treated badly because they were accustomed to a certain lifestyle. And let me tell you, lots of them were not happy even though they had everything money could buy. I vowed that I would give myself the lifestyle I wanted, then I could marry or stay married for love, without worrying about my financial well-being.

I am 30, married two years, together for six. My husband is not struggling, but he''s certainly not rich. However, we definitely have the za-zing!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/15/2009 7:36:35 PM
Author: NovemberBride
Ditto to Isaku, Mara, Linda and everyone who is surprised how many women here (in what I consider to be a highly intelligent and independent group of women) chose nice and rich. I could not imagine being married to someone I did not have strong feelings for. I feel like it''s the equivalent of the men on the board having a poll that asked would you choose a wife that''s hot and dumb or average and smart. I think there''d be a lot of outrage here if the men all chose hot and dumb.

In my experience, rich is overrated, especially if it is not wealth you earned personally. I am lucky enough and have worked hard enough to ensure my own financial stability. One of the reasons for this is that growing up I saw so many of my friends parents where the wives stayed married because of money. I am not saying these women married for money, in fact I believe most of them married for love. But they stayed in marriages where they were cheated on or otherwise treated badly because they were accustomed to a certain lifestyle. And let me tell you, lots of them were not happy even though they had everything money could buy. I vowed that I would give myself the lifestyle I wanted, then I could marry or stay married for love, without worrying about my financial well-being.

I am 30, married two years, together for six. My husband is not struggling, but he''s certainly not rich. However, we definitely have the za-zing!

I think for some, that is the reason they chose nice and rich.

And I don''t think it''s the same at the comment you mentioned. We''re not talking a**hole and rich. We''re talking a nice guy who is good to you and that you get along with great. But he doesn''t inspire passion in you. EVERY smart woman knows that passion fades. Love can grow.

For me, it''s a matter of respect. I could not, at this age, respect a man who couldn''t get it together enough get past the stage of struggling financially. I also could not continue to love a man I did not respect.

 

[atroop711]

easy...the passionate but struggling dude... there is so much a "nice guy" can do for you. Money can buy you things but it can't buy you happiness...and without unconditional love and passion...you most likely won't be happy. Maybe it's my age and experience talking...but I chose the Zazing - struggling guy. When we met he didn't have 2 pennies to rub together..but he had much more to offer me... his unconditional love. I dated the nice rich guys but that wasn't for me.

I really believe you should marry your love and best friend...if you marry for money and convenience you may find youself very empty...you would be in FABULOUS clothing but empty inside

I'm 41, married 13 yrs and together 17 yrs

 

[Linda W]

Date: 6/15/2009 7:46:30 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/15/2009 7:36:35 PM

Author: NovemberBride

Ditto to Isaku, Mara, Linda and everyone who is surprised how many women here (in what I consider to be a highly intelligent and independent group of women) chose nice and rich. I could not imagine being married to someone I did not have strong feelings for. I feel like it''s the equivalent of the men on the board having a poll that asked would you choose a wife that''s hot and dumb or average and smart. I think there''d be a lot of outrage here if the men all chose hot and dumb.


In my experience, rich is overrated, especially if it is not wealth you earned personally. I am lucky enough and have worked hard enough to ensure my own financial stability. One of the reasons for this is that growing up I saw so many of my friends parents where the wives stayed married because of money. I am not saying these women married for money, in fact I believe most of them married for love. But they stayed in marriages where they were cheated on or otherwise treated badly because they were accustomed to a certain lifestyle. And let me tell you, lots of them were not happy even though they had everything money could buy. I vowed that I would give myself the lifestyle I wanted, then I could marry or stay married for love, without worrying about my financial well-being.


I am 30, married two years, together for six. My husband is not struggling, but he''s certainly not rich. However, we definitely have the za-zing!

I think for some, that is the reason they chose nice and rich.


And I don''t think it''s the same at the comment you mentioned. We''re not talking a**hole and rich. We''re talking a nice guy who is good to you and that you get along with great. But he doesn''t inspire passion in you. EVERY smart woman knows that passion fades. Love can grow.


For me, it''s a matter of respect. I could not, at this age, respect a man who couldn''t get it together enough get past the stage of struggling financially. I also could not continue to love a man I did not respect.

I see your point T-Gal, but.... if you weren''t in love with him, why would you want to marry him in the first place??? Just for money??? I could never do that. I would have to be in love with the man. I wouldn''t care if he was good to me, or if we got along great. I would have to be in love with him. Simple as that.

 

[packrat]

Date: 6/15/2009 7:26:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/15/2009 7:22:45 PM

Author: packrat

I''m a 6 day a week sahm and work 1 day. This arrangement is not quite 2 months old. We were struggling before, and it''s worse now. But I''m happier. Plus he''s looking at a different job that will make HIM happier, but will tighten the strings up waaaaay tight. But, I love my husband. Not only do I love JD as a husband, I love him as my friend. We struggle, but we struggle *together*, not separately. We''re a team. We have wonderful communication and stay on the same page. I do wish we could do more, and wish we had more..but I wouldn''t trade the love I have for my husband (and the 2 beautiful children that have resulted) for a guy I liked ok but had more money.

So, if god forbid, something would happen to your hubby now, would you be with a financially struggling person again or would you consider a nice guy with lots of money who loves you?

Hm..well if something happened to him, I don''t know that I''d be looking for husband type love...I''d probably look for friend love. My bff and I were talking about that a few weeks ago, and we both said the same thing-we''d have a marriage for security w/a friend of ours, haha. Seriously tho, if something had happened to JD and there was a guy I trusted and liked and was well off financially..at that point I''d probably be looking more for financial security for myself and the kids and we could have a marriage of friendship. Knowing what I have now, if I had the power to go back in time and marry the ok/rich guy, I wouldn''t..but back in the day, I''d probably have seriously considered it!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/15/2009 7:51:36 PM
Author: Linda W

Date: 6/15/2009 7:46:30 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/15/2009 7:36:35 PM

Author: NovemberBride

Ditto to Isaku, Mara, Linda and everyone who is surprised how many women here (in what I consider to be a highly intelligent and independent group of women) chose nice and rich. I could not imagine being married to someone I did not have strong feelings for. I feel like it''s the equivalent of the men on the board having a poll that asked would you choose a wife that''s hot and dumb or average and smart. I think there''d be a lot of outrage here if the men all chose hot and dumb.


In my experience, rich is overrated, especially if it is not wealth you earned personally. I am lucky enough and have worked hard enough to ensure my own financial stability. One of the reasons for this is that growing up I saw so many of my friends parents where the wives stayed married because of money. I am not saying these women married for money, in fact I believe most of them married for love. But they stayed in marriages where they were cheated on or otherwise treated badly because they were accustomed to a certain lifestyle. And let me tell you, lots of them were not happy even though they had everything money could buy. I vowed that I would give myself the lifestyle I wanted, then I could marry or stay married for love, without worrying about my financial well-being.


I am 30, married two years, together for six. My husband is not struggling, but he''s certainly not rich. However, we definitely have the za-zing!

I think for some, that is the reason they chose nice and rich.


And I don''t think it''s the same at the comment you mentioned. We''re not talking a**hole and rich. We''re talking a nice guy who is good to you and that you get along with great. But he doesn''t inspire passion in you. EVERY smart woman knows that passion fades. Love can grow.


For me, it''s a matter of respect. I could not, at this age, respect a man who couldn''t get it together enough get past the stage of struggling financially. I also could not continue to love a man I did not respect.

I see your point T-Gal, but.... if you weren''t in love with him, why would you want to marry him in the first place??? Just for money??? I could never do that. I would have to be in love with the man. I wouldn''t care if he was good to me, or if we got along great. I would have to be in love with him. Simple as that.

It''s a hypothetical Linda...one of those questions that you ask when you''re a kid - "If you HAD to choose..."

And if the guys want to play, to tweak what NB said, would you choose a HOT woman with average intelligence or a woman of average looks who was a great wit.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/15/2009 6:18:33 PM
Author: isaku5
I have to say that I''m floored by the number of women who chose nice and rich

!


My POV has always been that if I want ''rich'' or even ''rich-ish'', that''s my responsibility to see that I can earn the $$$$. That way, if he turns out to be a loser, I''m still financially set as are our potential offspring

.


I''m 66 and have been married for 46 years. Have they all been glorious and passion-filled??? Never mind. Would I do it differently if given the opportunity? Not a chance

ditto! I''ve always been of the mindset that if I wanted something, I would get it myself and not need or wait for someone to get it for me. It''s my responsibility if I want that new $500 bag..not a boyfriends

 

[Linda W]

Date: 6/15/2009 7:55:30 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/15/2009 7:51:36 PM

Author: Linda W

Date: 6/15/2009 7:46:30 PM

Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/15/2009 7:36:35 PM


Author: NovemberBride


Ditto to Isaku, Mara, Linda and everyone who is surprised how many women here (in what I consider to be a highly intelligent and independent group of women) chose nice and rich. I could not imagine being married to someone I did not have strong feelings for. I feel like it''s the equivalent of the men on the board having a poll that asked would you choose a wife that''s hot and dumb or average and smart. I think there''d be a lot of outrage here if the men all chose hot and dumb.



In my experience, rich is overrated, especially if it is not wealth you earned personally. I am lucky enough and have worked hard enough to ensure my own financial stability. One of the reasons for this is that growing up I saw so many of my friends parents where the wives stayed married because of money. I am not saying these women married for money, in fact I believe most of them married for love. But they stayed in marriages where they were cheated on or otherwise treated badly because they were accustomed to a certain lifestyle. And let me tell you, lots of them were not happy even though they had everything money could buy. I vowed that I would give myself the lifestyle I wanted, then I could marry or stay married for love, without worrying about my financial well-being.



I am 30, married two years, together for six. My husband is not struggling, but he''s certainly not rich. However, we definitely have the za-zing!

I think for some, that is the reason they chose nice and rich.



And I don''t think it''s the same at the comment you mentioned. We''re not talking a**hole and rich. We''re talking a nice guy who is good to you and that you get along with great. But he doesn''t inspire passion in you. EVERY smart woman knows that passion fades. Love can grow.



For me, it''s a matter of respect. I could not, at this age, respect a man who couldn''t get it together enough get past the stage of struggling financially. I also could not continue to love a man I did not respect.

I see your point T-Gal, but.... if you weren''t in love with him, why would you want to marry him in the first place??? Just for money??? I could never do that. I would have to be in love with the man. I wouldn''t care if he was good to me, or if we got along great. I would have to be in love with him. Simple as that.

It''s a hypothetical Linda...one of those questions that you ask when you''re a kid - ''If you HAD to choose...''


And if the guys want to play, to tweak what NB said, would you choose a HOT woman with average intelligence or a woman of average looks who was a great wit.

Are you saying I am too old to play?? ha ha ha ha.

 

[decodelighted]

Are you kidding about your "Hot vs. Wit" for guys? Plenty of dudes date/marry for $$ as well. You think Linda Hogan''s teen boyfriend is in it for her *physical* "assets"? Not quite. He''s a Himbo.

I''ll take nice & stable with a side of Zing. ZaZING is nothing but trouble. Ditto: Rich.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/15/2009 8:04:17 PM
Author: decodelighted
Are you kidding about your ''Hot vs. Wit'' for guys? Plenty of dudes date/marry for $$ as well. You think Linda Hogan''s teen boyfriend is in it for her *physical* ''assets''? Not quite. He''s a Himbo.

I''ll take nice & stable with a side of Zing. ZaZING is nothing but trouble. Ditto: Rich.

True, I was going on the question that NB provided and tweaking it.

I don''t think too many of us would marry for the money. It was just a question of those were your choices, period.

Linda, you''re a spring chicken and ya know it!!

 

[mrscushion]

I would also go for the nice, rich guy. I'm engaged & 28.

 

[Haven]

I could just never marry a man for whom I didn't have strong feelings (nice and rich.) I'd rather stay single.

As for passion fading, I think there's a difference between a man who makes you feel physically passionate, and one who inspires in you a passion for life because of the deep connection and lust for life's experiences that you share. I wouldn't marry a man for whom I only felt physical passion any faster than I'd marry the nice rich man.

I've dated and been engaged to nice and (filthy, old money) rich before, but in the end it turned out to not be enough. We were college sweethearts, so we didn't even know how incompatible we were until we had been out in the real world for a few years. It was shocking how many of my friends advised me to stay with him when I started doubting our true connection because of the lifestyle we would have had together. Of course, I didn't.
And here I am five years into a relationship with zazoom and comfortable, and I couldn't be happier.

ETA: I don't think there's anything wrong with choosing nice and rich, of course. It would just never work for me. I need to have strong feelings for someone if I'm going to be seeing them every.single.day. for years and years and years.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

My feeling has always been that since I was able to earn well and support myself, my partner would have to be, at least, my earning "equal". Hence, I have zero interest in "struggling" options and therfore my answer is nice and rich. Oh, I meant rich and nice.

Married forever.

cheers--Sharon

 

[hlmr]

I want nice and rich and zazing too! Why is there no category for that?

I remember working in retail as a teenager and helping a female client in her 30's who had a HUGE diamond ring (not ideal cut of course, looking back now it didn't sparkle much, it was just BIG). She told us young whippersnappers, that we could fall in love with a rich man just as easily as a poor man. We laughed afterwards, but definitely thought about what she said. In the end we decided love trumps money and niceness.

Fast forward 28 years..........

My sister who makes HUGE money, is still waiting for someone who makes more money than her, and will treat her nice. I keep hoping she will meet a nice average Joe who makes her heart sing. The clock is ticking.

I married my high school sweetheart who made my heart zazing, and we worked together to succeed in life. I don't think I would be willing to do that again at this stage in life. If anything ever happened to him, I would rather remain alone.

Together for 26 years, married for 18.

 

[NovemberBride]

Date: 6/15/2009 7:46:30 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/15/2009 7:36:35 PM

Author: NovemberBride

Ditto to Isaku, Mara, Linda and everyone who is surprised how many women here (in what I consider to be a highly intelligent and independent group of women) chose nice and rich. I could not imagine being married to someone I did not have strong feelings for. I feel like it''s the equivalent of the men on the board having a poll that asked would you choose a wife that''s hot and dumb or average and smart. I think there''d be a lot of outrage here if the men all chose hot and dumb.


In my experience, rich is overrated, especially if it is not wealth you earned personally. I am lucky enough and have worked hard enough to ensure my own financial stability. One of the reasons for this is that growing up I saw so many of my friends parents where the wives stayed married because of money. I am not saying these women married for money, in fact I believe most of them married for love. But they stayed in marriages where they were cheated on or otherwise treated badly because they were accustomed to a certain lifestyle. And let me tell you, lots of them were not happy even though they had everything money could buy. I vowed that I would give myself the lifestyle I wanted, then I could marry or stay married for love, without worrying about my financial well-being.


I am 30, married two years, together for six. My husband is not struggling, but he''s certainly not rich. However, we definitely have the za-zing!

I think for some, that is the reason they chose nice and rich.


And I don''t think it''s the same at the comment you mentioned. We''re not talking a**hole and rich. We''re talking a nice guy who is good to you and that you get along with great. But he doesn''t inspire passion in you. EVERY smart woman knows that passion fades. Love can grow.


For me, it''s a matter of respect. I could not, at this age, respect a man who couldn''t get it together enough get past the stage of struggling financially. I also could not continue to love a man I did not respect.

Tgal,

I know passion fades, I am almost 5 months pregnant and not feeling particularly passionate these days (that''s how I got in this situation)! However, the nice and rich option wasn''t that you didn''t have passion for the man, but that you didn''t have strong feelings for him (i.e. love). I could never marry someone I didn''t love, so I stick to my original answer.

 

[Beacon]

Of the two choices, I would take: nice and rich. But there has to be something there or I just wouldn''t bother at all. Better to be single in that case.

I cannot deal with struggling. Frankly, the "zazing" might go "Kaput" after I got around to paying his bills. I know I am not modern and unsexist here, so I guess my POV is kinda pathetic, but that is how I feel.

One thing I would not do is marry a rich guy who is a workaholic and stressed out 24/7 or nasty or grosses me out. No way - that life is not fun! So, I would only marry a really nice and rich guy who had time to enjoy it. I would definitely date the struggling, zazing guy. Just not marry him, most likely.

 

[princessplease]

Nice rich guy.
I''m engaged and 24.

 

[swingirl]

Anyone up for marrying the nice rich guy and fooling around with ZaZING!!!!! Okay, okay, JK!!

 

[Allison D.]

Date: 6/15/2009 6:48:45 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Ha, well, I think a lot of us would choose neither!

For a long time, my answer was zazing and struggling. Even after I got married. I''ll tell you what changed my mind...having a kid.

I am currently the breadwinner, and proud of my career and all I have accomplished. I wouldn''t want to be a SAHM.

However, I would have liked to have a CHOICE.

No one takes better care of my daughter than I do. No one. Because I am the breadwinner, I feel sometimes a huge burden to work and give our family the financial stability I want for my daughter. On most days, it doesn''t bother me.

But there are days when the nanny calls out to me, ''TGal, come look at what she did'' and I missed it. There are days when I''m sitting alone with her and she does something I know *I* didn''t teach her. There are days when I just don''t want to work and play with her all goshdarn day.

Sometimes, in doing everything decently, I feel like I do nothing well. And I''d admit, sometimes, when the night is dark and I let my thoughts run amok, I wish I had the freedom to be one of those wives who didn''t have to worry about money.

But then, I like being a wife in love too.

Honestly, I''d like to have a choice too......even though I don''t have children. When I think of the things I could invest my time into and how much more fullfilling those things might be, especially as I''m now cruising through the middle-aged years, it certainly makes me wistful that another choice doesn''t exist.

The biggest lesson Amelia''s going to learn from you and TGuy is what a healthy, functional, mutually respectful LOVING relationship should look like. Yours is the only relationship she will see intimately enough to learn from, and that will set the tone for what she values in choosing the partner who will be her family when you are someday gone. That''s something she wouldn''t get if you were married to the nice wallet. Oh, and as an added side benefit, she''s also learning that she CAN rely on herself and contribute....because Mom does.

Call me crazy, but given the choice between teaching my kid how to use a crayon or teaching her what matters in a life partner, I''d choose the latter hands down. Yes, it would likely mean I''d feel the pangs of missing a few things (first time using a straw, etc), but that''s what parents do....they sacrifice so their kids will have everything they need.