Newbie needs opinions on engagement ring styles

[singer]

Jim,
By the way, I have the squarish-shaped halo mounting (by Gottlieb & Sons) as my engagement ring. It is incredibly beautiful, and I couldn''t be happier! It is made for a round stone, not a square, which makes it very unique, and there are diamonds around the edge of the halo (which you can''t see in that picture). It is made for a 1 carat round stone, so I guess it wouldn''t go with the princess you are planning on buying. I just thought I would let you know that it is VERY beautiful! It doesn''t look very pretty in that picture, because it is blown up so large (it doesn''t even look very pretty on G & S website), but it is very delicate and sparkly and my diamond looks like a 3 carat stone! I just blabbed on and on about that mounting...can you tell I''m excited about my new engagement ring setting?!?

 

[mrssalvo]

I'd stick to your original plan and get her the setting she fell in love with. She can wear grandma's tiffany band as a Right hand ring. I think passing down family heirlooms can be romantic and special "if" both the guy and girl are into it. I honestly would want my wedding band to be something my future hubby buys for me, not a hand me down from my grandma. Try to find out want Lisa really wants, not what she thinks she should want.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I have to admit that after reading all of this my dander is up a bit too! Too bad about the Golden Boy - whoever he was. I can''t imagine this young lady could find a person more interested in pleasing her than you are which speaks to me about how much you love her. If all of our children were blessed enough to find someone that really loved and cared for them, what difference would the ring make?

This may be the perfect time to stand up to this family a little bit. There is nothing wrong with picking out the ering you want her to have. It is difficult when you are young because you are so easily swayed and you want so bad to please everyone. It takes a few years to understand that that can''t be done. Please her and yourself - the family will just have to get over it!

Please come back and let us know how this turned out -

 

[msdarlinjoy]

Good afternoon,

Boy this is still bothering me,

I can just imagine what it's doing to you!

Ok, lets get down to the facts here.

Lisa is in love with you.

That means that she will love you regardless of what your budget is, if you go bald in 2 years, or if you decide to take up Tai Chi on Friday evenings. Lisa is going to be thrilled with what you will be able to afford. When you love someone, you love them as a whole.

With that said, Most young couples have limited $$. You start out with a little something and then thru the years of hard work and togetherness, build upon what you started. Sure, 99 % of women out there are going to expect and want a diamond when they marry, however, some don't. As a matter of fact, some can't afford even a .25 ctw diamond, and they marry with just plain wedding bands. Personally, I would take the guy who loved me, spent time with me, treated me with respect, was genuinely interested in my well being with no diamond ring

... Well then a guy who had $$$$ to buy me my every want and desire, who was always gone, cared less about how I was doing

, etc... Money can't buy love, respect, loyalty, etc...

A ring is a symbol of the love you have for the other. The concept of giving the woman a ring dates back many, many moons. The ring is not going to make her love you more, it's not going to keep her faithful and loyal, it's not going to guarantee your marraige will survive the test of time, or in-laws

. Love, honesty, loyalty, compassion ... all that stuff comes from the heart. The ring will be symbol that will remind her of the love you have for her evertime she looks at it. It's just icing on the sweet, moist cake of marraige.

Family whether they are yours or hers, can be difficult at times. Some press their pressence upon you, some more than others. At some point and time, you and your lovely Lisa will have to decide what it is you both want from life, and live it. It is extremely difficult to live someone else's wants, wishes, dreams, and desires.

Sure it is always nice to want to please everyone, however, it is impossible to please everyone ... everytime. Take it from experience, You only get one chance to live life, live your life as you have hoped, wished, dreamed, etc ... When you start trying to live your life for someone else's hopes, wishes and dreams ... you get lost and life eventually will have lost it's true meaning for yourself.

I agree with MissGotRocks, if only more men and women out there spent as much time and energy in giving their time, love, respect, compassion to eachother, WOW! what a wonderful world this could be!

I bet Lisa loves you because you make her feel special & loved by not just what you buy her, or say to her, but from your actions! In other words, It's easy to say "I Love You", however, to show your love ... you have to walk your talk! If you spend as much time, energy and attention with her as you have trying to find the perfect ring that will make her "giddy" about and do handstands ... it's no wonder why she loves you!

I personally think that if you can make your lovely Lisa "Giddy" ... Whoa! Watch out! ... There is deffinately something there!!! You are deffinately doing something right!!

I say, as hard as it may be, Politely tell everyone involved a very big thank you for all their help and input, and now you have some great ideas to choose and make a decission from. Also, that you need to take into consideration how happy Lisa was when you both went shopping together, and now it will be up to you to personalize the symbol of your love for Lisa. An ever-lasting symbol that comes from your heart to bestow upon to hers.

I wish you all the best, keep your head up ... alot of people here are thinking good thoughts for you & the lovely Lisa! (Lucky girl!)

 

[bigjim]

Gosh, everyone, thanks so much for all the support.

This whole situation has been bugging me since last week and is making this whole engagement ring buying experience much more stressful than I ever thought would be.

But after reading your posts last night and thinking about it a lot...I think you all are absolutly right and I should go with the ring that made Lisa giddy to begin with. It''s probably fair that I explain the family situation more so I can be sure I''m doing the right thing...

First, the Golden Boy comment about her ex fiance was one I came up with, but it was obvious the first few times I met Lisa''s mom that she was totally in love with this guy herself. He came from a family of money, and he made a lot of money himself, so Lisa''s mom had no concerns that he wouldn''t money wise, take care of her daughter. Lisa''s family has a lot of money themselves so her mom (who has never had to work) has become accustomed to a certain lifestyle and so have the kids. I mentioned that Lisa is into brand names and does like the finer things in life. From what I was told, the ex pampered her a lot. Not just with an engagement ring from Tiffany''s, but he bought her really nice gifts all the time. So why did they break up? I''m still not sure of the real reason but apparently he''s the one that called it off. Lisa thinks he had another girlfriend but had no proof. For a while Lisa''s mom made her think it was all her fault so Lisa''s self confidence really tumbled. When I first met her, she didn''t have the confidence that I thought she should. According to the rest of her family, who does like me, her confidence skyrocketed once she met me (not trying to pat myself on the back or anything

). Unfortunately, Lisa is kind of under her mom''s thumb and listens to what she says, even though it is not what she really wants to do. So it doesn''t surprise me one bit that she is changing her mind about what she wants for an engagement ring.

Now I am a completely different animal.

My dad was in the Navy so we moved every couple of years. At one point I went to 3 different high schools in 4 years. I saw my extended family maybe once a year. My folks are now retired and living in Hawaii but I do have one brother here in the same state as me. So I''m not very close with my family nor have I had a lot of close friends over the years. I served in the Army instead of going to college right away then went back for my teaching degree. I didn''t want to make a career of the Army like my dad did so I ended up here. I admit I did a lot of stupid things when I was younger...a couple of disorderly conduct arrests, public intoxication charges...but I am not a bad person.

Anway, I have been a good boy for many years now and since I am a high school teacher, I want to be a good example for my students. I''m sure Lisa''s mom is afraid I can''t keep her in this luxurious lifestyle on a teacher''s salary and there is an age difference that bugs her (I am 33 and she is 26). The first time I met her the first question to me is why am I still single?

Because I was protecting your a$$ets when I served in Desert Storm - that''s why! (...sorry...always wanted to say that!)

So anyway, enough of my rambling. I talked to Lisa''s sister again since Lisa never mentioned the eternity band to me. The sis says that Lisa is very torn on what to do. She is afraid to stand up to her mom and grandma (who is also very opinionated) because she doesn''t want to hurt the grandma''s feelings especially. The sis said she told Lisa that grandma would just want Lisa to be happy. The sister''s suggestion was for me to get that Tacori ring that Lisa fell in love with to begin with and not worry about the gram and mom. She said once the ex fiance stood up to the mom and the mom respected him a lot more. Maybe that''s what I need to do.

So here''s my idea since I am still concerned about the quality of the Tacori ring. I will ask the jeweler if he would be willing to sell me the setting in his display case since I know that one doesn''t have any problems. Then I can get the .90 ct princess that he hopefully still has and call it a day. There is a 1ct cubic zirconia in the ring in the diplay case so I don''t think the measurements would be too far off. Maybe replacing the head - I will see what he says. I don''t think the jewelers generally want to sell the ones in the case, but I am on a time crunch too as I only have a little over a month to do this if I want to propose in the beginning of March.

So what do you think? This is turning into a bigger soap opera each day. I appreciate all the comments and keep them coming! Better run to my next class now so I won''t be checking in until later.

 

[Rod]

A guy''s response here, but I think you should do what''s in your heart and DON''T be pushed by the family to do something not in your heart. If you let the family make this decision for you, you are setting yourself up for the family to run interference in your life and that''s not a good thing in a new marriage (or an old one for that matter). Do what you believe is right and you can never make a mistake.

And thanks for covering our A$$''s and teaching our kids and being a really nice person. Your fiance should thank the star that lead her to you in the first place.

 

[giantfan216]

Jim,

From one guy to another who is also in the situation of picking out an engagement ring let me give you some advice. Stop trying to please everyone. You seem like a nice guy but that is not really helping you out too much here. The purpose of getting the women involved in the search for an engagement ring is just to get an IDEA of what they like/dislike. The problem of getting them too invovled with the process is that they tend to fall in love with everything they see and change their minds on a daily basis, which is what you are seeing right now.

Forget the family suggestions, because I am sure the $ is coming out of your bank account not theirs at the end of the day. You need to remove everyone from this process, pick out the ring you like the best and that doesn''t kill your budget, and give it to her and be done with it. She will like anything you give her, and if her family has any problem with, tell them you''ll build a suggestion box for them to put their comments.

I just think your being overly nice and all it is doing is costing you a lot of time and stress which isn''t necessary for this.

Good luck and stay strong.

 

[devientdrow]

Sticking to your guns really seems like the best thing to do, and you know it might just help her out. If she really in her heart feels like she can''t say no to her family and you go out and get her what she wants anyway she can always just say "well this is the ring he got me, sorry it just doesn''t look right with the eternity band." Whats the issue with the band anyway? Is it all rounds? I''ve seen people with sidestones in thier settings that wear and eternity band. It possibly might look good with what she really likes. I agree with all the other stuff said on here. It sounds like she was really into these other rings and did NOT want a solitaire, that seemed like her uninfluences opinion and i''m sure she''d be relieved and happy if you gave that to her. It sounds like her sister has really helped you out but I think you got all the info you need. You don''t want to drive yourself nuts!

 

[bigjim]

I''m back with the last update.

Thanks especially to the guys that responded! Not that I don''t appreciate the ladies'' opinions, but it is nice to see some testosterone around here.

Anyway, I sound like a wimp after rereading my own posts! I think I was so eager to please her family (and her) is because I was close to becoming engaged a few years ago but I just wasn''t ready too. My girlfriend and I had a bad break up and she said to me that I never take any one else''s feelings into consideration for anything I do. That always stuck with me so maybe I kept thinking of that when going through this whole engagement ring process.

Now finally some good news...

I called the jeweler this afternoon, and after some begging, pleading and crying, he agreed to sell me the Tacori setting that is already in his display.

He said I seem like a nice guy (boy, he really doesn''t know me!) and said he wants to make me a loyal happy customer. Even better, he still has the .90ct princess in stock and it will fit into the setting without having to do any major reconstruction to it!

If Lisa wants to wear her grandma''s eternity band with it, that''s her choice. I certainly would be willing to get her a band, but she did say she originally wanted only one ring so maybe this will be it.

I will get some pics as soon as I get it! Thanks again for all your support and I will let you know what she thinks of it!

 

[JDgirl]

I think that''s a GREAT choice! She will be so thrilled! And you''re right, she can wear the eternity band if she wants too...maybe just when she''s around her family! Haha.

 

[Hest88]

Wonderful, Jim! I''m so happy for you. Please let us know what happens when you propose!!!

 

[FireGoddess]

I think you did the right thing - and I''m glad it all worked out and the jeweler was so accomodating to sell you the ring in the case - and that the stone was still available...the whole package was just definitely meant to be! Good luck with the proposal, and definitely come back to show us pictures of the final product!

 

[Kaleigh]

That''s great, good for you!!!

 

[mas]

hey Big Jim -- my fiance and I have been reading your post and just wanted to say we''re glad you stuck to your guns. We just want to know which will be harder to face in battle: Iraqis or Lisa''s mother / grandmother

Seriously, we''re glad you''re doing what''s right for you. I dated a guy who came from lots of money and it was a pain in the a-- dealing with his family -- his mother especially had an opinion on the "right" way to do everything. So my advice is just be sure you are true to what is best for you and Lisa.

All the best to you!

 

[Jelly]

That''s great! I think you have the best of both worlds. She''s getting her dream setting AND can still wear her grandmother''s ring if she wants.

Congrats on making the right decision! How are you going to propose?

 

[bigjim]

I''ve decided to give an update because there may be some of you thinking "whatever happened to that guy?"

It''s not a good update.

It''s over.

We broke up.

I''m still not exactly sure what happened. I debated about writing this, but what the hell.

This happened about 3 weeks ago. A couple of days after I went to the jewelry store and bought the Tacori setting and diamond, Lisa started acting very strangely. She didn''t know I had purchased it. All of a sudden she became very distant. She didn''t ask me to go looking at engagement rings with her, which I thought was strange because usually once the ball start rolling it is hard to stop. It was a given that we spent the weekends together but that Friday she said she just wanted to be by herself. I didn''t think much of it so I went out with a couple of my buddies.

I called her the next day and was told she wasn''t home. I left a message on her cell and she didn''t call me back at all that day. Very unlike her.

Sunday, I called again and left a couple of messages. Finally got a hold of her sister. Her sister was surprised as she thought Lisa was with me. No one knew where she was. I obviously started to get worried. That night I called her house again. Her mom answered and said Lisa was home but didn''t want to take my call. I still had no clue what was going on, but I figured she needed some space so I didn''t call back.

I think it was Thursday she finally called me and said those 4 words that all guys hate: we need to talk. I knew this wasn''t good. She wanted to meet at a restaurant. I said whatever she has to say I don''t want it done in public. She agreed to come to my place.

As soon as I opened the door, I knew something was very wrong. It was like a stranger standing in front of me. She was very dressed up (for her) and had on a lot of makeup, and she normally didn''t wear a lot. She was also very pale. It was like my mind took a picture of her and it is burned in my memory. She didn''t even sit next to me. She stood the whole time.

She said she had been doing a lot of thinking....and she came to the decision that she did not want to marry me. I asked what on earth had happened in the week since we had looked at engagement rings. She said she can''t explain it but that it just didn''t feel right. I was shocked and I''m not easily shocked. She said a couple of other things I don''t exactly remember, then she left. That was it...she just left.

It gets worse. I called her several times the next few days wanting to talk again. She wouldn''t even take my calls, wouldn''t answer her cell since she has the caller ID and knew it was me calling. Then one day I called her from my buddy''s phone. She answered "Glenn?" My heart sank. Glenn is Golden Boy. I said it was Jim and she hung up on me. My buddy said he didn''t know what to do for me. He said I had this look in my eyes like I was going to explode.

For a few days I was in a trance. I took a few sick days off of school, something I never did. I had coworkers calling me to make sure I was OK. My parents wanted to fly here because they were very concerned. I decided I will visit them over my spring break in a few weeks.

Lisa''s sister called me and said Lisa finally confided in her, and the sister thought I ought to know the truth. Golden Boy heard that we were looking at engagement rings and called Lisa. They met and he told her he wanted them to get back together. Apparently from her reaction she didn''t give me a second thought. The sister and Lisa had a big fight with the sister saying that Lisa needed to be honest with me; that''s when Lisa finally came to my house. Lisa said she had never gotten over Golden Boy Glenn and was hoping one day they would get back together. I guess I was just there until Glenn figured out what he wanted.

I know it was better that this happened now as opposed to later. I''ve even had friends and coworkers offering to set me up with ladies they know. I need a break first. Hawaii wil be a good break for me. I''ve got plenty to keep me busy but I seem to keep procrastinating.

I decided to post about this partly as closure for myself. Maybe someday I''ll be back.

The advice on this forum is great and hopefully one day I will be able to use it again.

Till next time.

 

[TxBlonde]

Oh my! I''m so sorry Jim. Things happen for a reason and she obviously didn''t deserve you. I think Hawaii sounds great and relaxing.

 

[MissAva]

Oh bless your heart. I hope you are able to relax a bit on your spring break. *hugs*

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am so sorry Jim! Break-ups are so hard and you obviously were very serious. I hope your trip gives you time to reflect and recover.

 

[sunkist]

Jim, I''m so sorry to hear your story. From all of your posts you sound like a great and very sweet guy, and I know that the perfect lady for you is just waiting to find you! It will happen, in the mean time Hawaii sounds like a great idea. **Big Hugs!**

 

[giantfan216]

Jim,

I know your not feeling good right now my man but trust me on this one. There are more fish in the sea, this was going to happen sooner or later with this girl and frankly any girl who is into a guy named "Glen" isn''t worth your time any way. Hopefully she will take a fall down a flight of stairs and drag her mom with her.

Stay strong my man.

 

[Shay37]

Oh man, this stinks. Promise me something, okay? When Glenn dumps her again, and he will, please tell her to go pound sand when she comes running to you to pick up the pieces. Trust me, I''ve seen it before. He only is giving her the dog in the manger act. He only wants her back because someone else loves her. As soon as she''s back with him, he''ll dump on her again. It''s a power thing. Heehee, I can make you come running anytime I want. You just don''t need that, and you don''t need to be her "yo-yo man" either. Have a peaceful time in Hawaii. Take care and God bless. P.S. thanks for protecting all of our assets in Desert Storm.

shay

 

[Cathers]

You know, I am a brand new member here, and I have been reading a lot of the posts. Yours caught my eye because I am (I think) in the process of getting engaged. He rolls his eyes, coughs a lot and clutches his throat whenever the subject comes up. I am very torn between a Birks(oopber expensive for not a huge diamond etc) or buying thru an independant jeweller who lives 4 hours away.

Anyway, I read your story with breathless anticipation to her reaction when you proposed with THE ring. I am still sitting here in shock, and can''t believe Glen(coincedentally MY ex''s name, spelled with 2 N''s, who now goes by the name of PusN*t, name association is amazing, idn''t it??) showed up and this happened. To me, it goes to show that it''s better that it happened now, rather than 5 years down the road when you were married with children. I know it won''t ease your pain, and I am sorry for being so blunt.
She was clearly swayed by her family''s opinion, and in MY opinion, it is their LOSS. They don''t deserve you. What goes around, comes around. Karma is a wonderful thing.

Take care Big Jim(my Dad''s name is Jim, who was also a bit of a bada$$ and is my Hero)

 

[firebirdgold]

Hey BigJim,
I hope your trip to Hawaii helped. Abrupt breakups are the hardest to handle. Particularly when the person you thought you had been dating just morphs in front of your eyes into a horrible stranger. It makes you doubt your own judgement. And when it happened to me I felt like a fool. Not a good feeling.
I''m sorry Lisa turned out to be so weak-minded, cruel, self-centered, and generally B!^@#y. One day she''ll wake up and realize what a horrible mistake she''s made, but you deserve far better.

Just a stray comment. Not that you''d want to ever get tangled up with that family again. But it did sound a bit like you were dating the wrong twin.

 

[MissCongeniality]

I''m so sorry to read all of this! How sad this must be for you!!!

I cannot tell you how much your story parellels my own. I think we all have stories like this.

Better you know this about her now than later though. I know it is hard to see right now, but things like this are a blessing in disguise.


And, I would like to thank you personally for serving. I am always so moved at the thought that there are men out there that put themselves in harms way to protect people like me. And the uniform gets me every time.

 

[MiniMouse]

bigjim, I have tried to search you out today on PS, remembering that you had this fantastic proposal idea for March and I was hoping to find you''d posted about it, or were about to. I''m so sorry you have experienced a shattered dream and I really and truly feel for you. You are a man who has shown an amazing ability to put your girlfriend''s wants ahead of your own and have also shown how much you care and want to make a girl happy. I have no doubt that when you''re ready you will find the right girl, who deserves you.

I suspect you could well find Lisa knoon your door again once Golden Boy Glenn grows tired of her (or vice versa), but I hope you will be strong and remember that there is a girl out there who will choose you as her NUMBER ONE. You deserve someone who sees you as the apple of their eye.

Please don''t despair, you have shown us all what a great character you are and you have made us laugh so much. There is the perfect girl out there for you when you''re ready.

 

[bigjim]

Hey everyone. Thought I would check in again and give the last update.

I did go to Hawaii a few weeks ago on Spring Break. I really did not want to come home! It was so relaxing and I tried to surf for the first time. That was a hoot! I highly recommend a trip to Hawaii sometime in your lifetime! This will definitely not be my last trip there!

Before I went on my trip I did a lot of thinking. As I said in a previous post, my parents now live in Hawaii and before this trip I saw them maybe once every couple of years. I moved around a lot as a child and teenager so I never was very close to my extended family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins). Now that I am getting up in age, I am realising that I missed out on a lot of things not being close to my own family. It sucks that I can''t even remember how old my nieces and nephews are and that they really don''t know who "Big Uncle Jim" is.

I am originally from California. My parents are from there as well and we moved the first time when I was 2 years old. I still have a lot of family there, including my sister and her family. They have been trying to get me to move back there for a long time, and I wanted to but didn''t, mainly because Lisa was in my life and I knew she would never move that far from her family.

I think breaking up with Lisa was the sign that I should move back. I stopped in California for a few days and visited my sister and saw many of my extended family. It made me realise what I had been missing all this time.

I also met a young lady out there. She is a close friend of my sister and their kids are classmates. I met her at my nephew''s birthday party. We have been corresponding via e-mail and talking on the phone. Evelyn is a sweetheart. A lady that has been through a lot. She''s a widow with a son, Eddie, that is 6 years old. Evelyn''s husband died in an automobile accident when Evelyn was pregnant, so Eddie never even met his father. Eddie thinks I am "cool", which is the ultimate compliment.

I know, I know, don''t jump into anything right away after a big breakup! I am not, but it is refreshing to talk to someone so genuine.

I did decide to move back to California. After the school year is over. I told my students and most were very sad that I was moving. In fact, the seniors voted me to be the keynote speaker at their graduation in a few weeks. I seriously got choked up when I was told that, mainly that they voted for me before I announced I was moving!

That is actually the ultimate compliment! I am already starting to think of what to say!

So whatever happened to Lisa? Well, she is engaged to Golden Boy again. Don''t know if she is wearing the same tiffany solitaire. She called me several times to make sure I was OK. I wanted to pick up the phone but my ego wouldn''t let me. I knew if I talked to her I would just be an idiot and probably say something stupid. She found out from a mutual friend that I was moving and showed up at my school one day. She looked so different. She was standing by my car with tears in her eyes. She begged me to talk to her but I just couldn''t. It hurt just to see her again. I don''t know what point she was trying to make. From what I have heard, she is very upset that I am moving. Well she had her chance and I need to go on with my life. Sorry to sound cold but sometimes that''s how I deal with things.

I have no doubt after the whirlwind of different emotions and life changing events I have been though the last few months that things happen for a reason. I am convinced the right person is out there for everyone and that timing is crutial.

Thanks again for the well wishes and as I said, I hope to be able to use the knowledge from this site one day. Actually, Rod and QueenMum have convinced me that I need a diamond for myself. Why should the ladies get to wear all the sparklies?

 

[JulieN]

woot, go big jim! good luck on everything!

 

[marvel]

Hi BigJim

, I remember your story and I''m so sorry to hear what happen. Break-ups suck, but you clearly deserve a women that is going to appreciate you and Lisa wasn''t the person. I live in So.Cal. and hope you enjoy your move out to Cali. Don''t leave PS, it''s a pleasure to have you here and I''m sure you''re going to need to pick out a new stone eventually for some lucky girl

 

[marvel]

Date: 3/6/2006 8:52:11 AM
Author: giantfan216
Jim,

I know your not feeling good right now my man but trust me on this one. There are more fish in the sea, this was going to happen sooner or later with this girl and frankly any girl who is into a guy named ''Glen'' isn''t worth your time any way. Hopefully she will take a fall down a flight of stairs and drag her mom with her.

Stay strong my man.

OMG...where is the ROFLMAO emicon when you need it....that is hillarious!!