Needing advice on a sensitive subject

[blueberrydot]

For those of you who are curious, my boyfriend and I have decided to start over from scratch. Aunt''s ring and Blue Nile ring are out of the picture, and we''re going to pick something out together!

We made our first ring shopping trip yesterday at Robbins Bros, only because we happened to pass by it while getting lunch, and decided to just drop in and see what they had. It''s a good thing we only had a limited time to look before we had to leave, because when I came home, I diligently did a pricescope search on Robbins Bros and am terrified of stepping foot in there again, haha! We went to the one in Glendale, and our salesperson was very friendly and extremely helpful, but it seems from the reviews on here, people aren''t getting the best quality for their money.

Another piece of good news - before we went to Robbins Bros, my boyfriend had still been fairly adamant that RBs are the "best bet" for engagement rings. However, while we were browsing he saw both a cushion cut and a radiant, and he really liked them both!

I''m getting very excited about the process, and I''m glad that I''ve got a community of like minded people like pricescope for help and support!

Is there anything that I should know before we start looking in earnest? I live in the Orange County/Los Angeles area, so any advice on where to go or what we should look for would be much appreciated!

Thank you all for your advice, opinions, and general kind and supportive words so far. I''m looking forward to getting to know everyone more!

 

[Luckyeshe]

Hey, BBD! Glad you two got a chance to look at cushions and radiants! I''ve attached a thread here, but this one only shows cushions in halo settings. You may also want to check out GOG''s Chunky Cushions and do a search on here since those are also mighty lovely!!

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/post-your-cushion-halos-here.88177/

 

[IceExplorer]

This all seems really shallow...

Call me traditional but an engagement/wedding ring is crafted in a circle to signify there being no end to your love and/or union. From what I''ve just read, you can''t seem to find a start. Modern marketing (royalty) added diamonds/jems and expensive metals.

I can appreciate a woman''s wishes until those wishes become incessantly demanding. Be thankful he can afford a ring with a gem at all. Be thankful he spent ANY time researching it. Be thankful... period!

Since when does a man have to get a woman''s permission to present her with a gift of his undying love and affection? I thought it was his duty to ask her permission for her hand in marriage. I didn''t realize it was to ask for your hand to model a big a$$ diamond ring that you''ve salivated over since your were a child or since your aunt offered a bigger one.

 

[HVVS]

Yes, I know just what you mean about demands. It's been a continual problem ever since we started giving women better than a sixth grade education and let them have careers. Where *will* all of this empowerment end!

 

[risingsun]

Date: 11/3/2009 3:50:59 PM
Author: IceExplorer
This all seems really shallow...

Call me traditional but an engagement/wedding ring is crafted in a circle to signify there being no end to your love and/or union. From what I've just read, you can't seem to find a start. Modern marketing (royalty) added diamonds/jems and expensive metals.

I can appreciate a woman's wishes until those wishes become incessantly demanding. Be thankful he can afford a ring with a gem at all. Be thankful he spent ANY time researching it. Be thankful... period!

Since when does a man have to get a woman's permission to present her with a gift of his undying love and affection? I thought it was his duty to ask her permission for her hand in marriage. I didn't realize it was to ask for your hand to model a big a$$ diamond ring that you've salivated over since your were a child or since your aunt offered a bigger one.

The OP doesn't appear to be "incessantly demanding," IMO. He gave her a ring and she is not in love with it. She is, however, in love with him and does not want to hurt his feelings. That's why she posted and asked for advice. Shouldn't she have a ring that they both love as a symbol of their relationship? This situation gives them the opportunity to resolve an issue--as committed adults--and reach a satisfactory conclusion. This will not be the first and only time this occurs in their life together. In this case, the couple was able to work out this concern and move on. I see it as a positive for both of them. The "you'll take what I give you and like it" type attitude is bothersome to me. Where does it end?

 

[sba771]

Date: 11/5/2009 9:29:49 AM
Author: risingsun

Date: 11/3/2009 3:50:59 PM

Author: IceExplorer

This all seems really shallow...


Call me traditional but an engagement/wedding ring is crafted in a circle to signify there being no end to your love and/or union. From what I''ve just read, you can''t seem to find a start. Modern marketing (royalty) added diamonds/jems and expensive metals.


I can appreciate a woman''s wishes until those wishes become incessantly demanding. Be thankful he can afford a ring with a gem at all. Be thankful he spent ANY time researching it. Be thankful... period!


Since when does a man have to get a woman''s permission to present her with a gift of his undying love and affection? I thought it was his duty to ask her permission for her hand in marriage. I didn''t realize it was to ask for your hand to model a big a$$ diamond ring that you''ve salivated over since your were a child or since your aunt offered a bigger one.

The OP doesn''t appear to be ''incessantly demanding,'' IMO. He gave her a ring and she is not in love with it. She is, however, in love with him and does not want to hurt his feelings. That''s why she posted and asked for advice. Shouldn''t she have a ring that they both love as a symbol of their relationship? This situation gives them the opportunity to resolve an issue--as committed adults--and reach a satisfactory conclusion. This will not be the first and only time this occurs in their life together. In this case, the couple was able to work out this concern and move on. I see it as a positive for both of them. The ''you''ll take what I give you and like it'' type attitude is bothersome to me. Where does it end?

Marian, that was extremely eloquent and well put. Much better than my respone which was going to be, ''well you call yourself traditional, but a few other choice words came to my mind.''

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 11/3/2009 3:50:59 PM
Author: IceExplorer
This all seems really shallow...


Call me traditional but an engagement/wedding ring is crafted in a circle to signify there being no end to your love and/or union. From what I've just read, you can't seem to find a start. Modern marketing (royalty) added diamonds/jems and expensive metals.


I can appreciate a woman's wishes until those wishes become incessantly demanding. Be thankful he can afford a ring with a gem at all. Be thankful he spent ANY time researching it. Be thankful... period!


Since when does a man have to get a woman's permission to present her with a gift of his undying love and affection? I thought it was his duty to ask her permission for her hand in marriage. I didn't realize it was to ask for your hand to model a big a$$ diamond ring that you've salivated over since your were a child or since your aunt offered a bigger one.

wow. That was quite possibly the most chauvinistic and unhelpful post I've read on here to date..

back atchya ice!

 

[freefly]

I would think if a guy was asking for the hand in marriage to a woman he loves, he would want her to love the ring he gives her. If the guy has a take it or leave it attitude, I don''t know if that''s the kind of guy I''d want to marry. To me, it would have nothing to do with the value of the ring. If he couldn''t afford an expensive ring, I''d rather have a simple band than a ring I just didn''t care for. But then again, I''m really picky about my jewelry and have so many beautiful pieces, an engagement ring would probably just be another piece of jewelry for me.

For most girls though, it may be their most treasured and often most expensive piece, so I would think they would want to have some say in their ring. I would hate it if the guy completely disregarded my preferences and just bought a ring HE liked. If he didn''t care about my feelings, it says a lot about him and how he views the relationship. I don''t think the OP is being demanding, she just wants a ring she will enjoy wearing forever, and she''s willing to stay within her fiancee''s budget. If I were him and spending that kind of money, I''d want to make sure it''s a ring she would love. Or else, what''s the point?

 

[ChunkyCushionLover]

Date: 11/3/2009 3:50:59 PM
Author: IceExplorer
This all seems really shallow...

Call me traditional but an engagement/wedding ring is crafted in a circle to signify there being no end to your love and/or union. From what I''ve just read, you can''t seem to find a start. Modern marketing (royalty) added diamonds/jems and expensive metals.

I can appreciate a woman''s wishes until those wishes become incessantly demanding. Be thankful he can afford a ring with a gem at all. Be thankful he spent ANY time researching it. Be thankful... period!

Since when does a man have to get a woman''s permission to present her with a gift of his undying love and affection? I thought it was his duty to ask her permission for her hand in marriage. I didn''t realize it was to ask for your hand to model a big a$$ diamond ring that you''ve salivated over since your were a child or since your aunt offered a bigger one.

There are many who agree with you and feel that women in general should change their attitude towards the ring and be greatful you gave it to her in the first place.
Many traditionalists feel that the ring should be seen as special and a gift and you just don''t kick a gifthorse in the mouth. That view is far overshadowed by the predominantly female response in this thread but still not an invalid one. It will be a pretty hard sell convincing female diamond enthusiasts that any other women should accept the very expensive gift given to her as a token of love and marriage and appreciate it beyong its appearance and their materialistic pursuits so I''d ignore their responses.

 

[IceExplorer]

Date: 10/24/2009 12:35:46 AM
Author:blueberrydot
...........


A few weeks ago, my boyfriend mentioned to me that he was starting to look at diamonds. I alerted my best friend and my sister, bc I knew that he would ask at least one of them for their opinion, and they already knew what I wanted and were armed with the information about the kind of diamond and setting that I liked

It''s not my intention to stir the proverbial pot, I certainly didn''t mean to get the female contributing community gathered together to march upon me for their rights to decisions, voting and general societal acknowledgment. Obviously that is how it was received, for that, I apologize.

After reading Blueberrydot''s post it was evident that her boyfriend DID SEEK HER CONTRIBUTION. Instead of showing that she was interested in being part of the decision process, she didn''t comment (to him). He moved forward to buy her a a ring on his own.

After he purchased one and it arrived she changed her mind from being upset for not getting HER ''dream ring'' to being "excited" about HIS ring (that wasn''t perfect) to wanting her (not real) aunt''s BIGGER MORE EXPENSIVE ring.

I fail to see how my post is chauvinistic because she isn''t getting what she wants (which she can''t seem to figure out either). She was given the opportunity to contribute and help but didn''t partake until AFTER the fact.

 

[stanley]

I have to admit, but thats how this situation reads to me, too.

Were not talking about a pair of shoes here. First and foremost a woman should be thrilled with the ring, because it comes from the man that loves and wants to marry her. There is nothing chauvinistic about this. If the most important aspect of an engagement ring is cut or carat weight you are looking at it the wrong way.

Personally if someone were to say that she likes the ring i got her, but she REALLY likes this bigger, more expensive one - I''d be tempted to take the ring back, and head over to the nearest nudie bar with the proceeds.

 

[Circe]

Date: 11/3/2009 3:50:59 PM
Author: IceExplorer

Since when does a man have to get a woman''s permission to present her with a gift of his undying love and affection? I thought it was his duty to ask her permission for her hand in marriage.

Uh, as opposed to what, clubbing her over the head and dragging her back to the cave?

Dude, it''s a symbol that you''re planning to spend the rest of your lives together, ideally making one another happy and making wise decisions together. If the gift in question fails on both counts, it probably makes you a stronger couple to regroup. Good on BBD and her FI for being mature enough to communicate their feelings sensibly and search for a solution ....

 

[blueberrydot]

Date: 11/5/2009 3:30:16 PM
Author: IceExplorer

Date: 10/24/2009 12:35:46 AM

Author:blueberrydot

...........



A few weeks ago, my boyfriend mentioned to me that he was starting to look at diamonds. I alerted my best friend and my sister, bc I knew that he would ask at least one of them for their opinion, and they already knew what I wanted and were armed with the information about the kind of diamond and setting that I liked


It's not my intention to stir the proverbial pot, I certainly didn't mean to get the female contributing community gathered together to march upon me for their rights to decisions, voting and general societal acknowledgment. Obviously that is how it was received, for that, I apologize.


After reading Blueberrydot's post it was evident that her boyfriend DID SEEK HER CONTRIBUTION. Instead of showing that she was interested in being part of the decision process, she didn't comment (to him). He moved forward to buy her a a ring on his own.


After he purchased one and it arrived she changed her mind from being upset for not getting HER 'dream ring' to being 'excited' about HIS ring (that wasn't perfect) to wanting her (not real) aunt's BIGGER MORE EXPENSIVE ring.


I fail to see how my post is chauvinistic because she isn't getting what she wants (which she can't seem to figure out either). She was given the opportunity to contribute and help but didn't partake until AFTER the fact.

I'm not going to comment on my personal take of your opinion of me and my "incessant demands." I don't trust myself to answer in a way that would be productive to this conversation. I will limit myself to clearing up the many things that you have taken the liberty to assume.

My boyfriend told me on a Friday afternoon that he was starting to look at rings. We were on the phone at the time and all he told me was that he was learning about diamonds (the 4 Cs). I didn't think it was either proper or delicate to say "Well, I want this and this and this." I saw no need to immediately bombard him with every detail and specification of what I wanted, especially since I KNEW he would be asking either my sister or my best friend for their opinion. I alerted them that he was probably going to talk to them soon, which he did (that night, actually), and they showed him exactly what I wanted. He didn't "seek my contribution." He didn't ask me what I preferred. All he said was that he was starting to look at diamonds (online). As I mentioned, this happened on a Friday night. On Saturday night, we were hanging out together and again talked about my prospective engagement ring, and I asked him what he thought about the ring that my sister and best friend had showed him. He told me that he thought it was ugly and obnoxious looking, and that he was going to get me a RB solitaire, to which I said that I very much prefer a radiant to an RB, and that I had never envisioned myself getting an RB as an engagement ring. So, your comment that I never showed any interest in being a part of the decision process, and that I didn't make any comment to him before he bought the ring was ENTIRELY FALSE and a COMPLETE ASSUMPTION on your part, because I absolutely made it clear that I preferred a radiant to an RB before he ever bought his ring. However, even if that were not the case, even if I hadn't personally voiced my preferences on the ring to him, he DID get the information on the exact kind of ring I wanted via my sister and my best friend, so he knew precisely what I was hoping for. You seem to think that he was going blind into the buying process with no idea of what I would like, and he just made a guess on his own because I was a silent wall of non-information. It's not true.

He ended up buying his ring Sunday night. This was only a little over 48 hours after he merely mentioned rings to me in the first place. It was a complete shock to me that he bought the ring so quickly, especially as he never gave any hint that he wanted to buy a ring immediately. I thought we had time. I thought perhaps we would go look at diamonds together in person, and make a decision. In fact, several months earlier we had even talked about getting engaged without a ring, and then picking one out later. You mentioned that I can't seem to figure out what I want. Can you tell me how, in 48 hours, I was supposed to definitively figure out what I do and do not like? Especially since I had never even set foot in a jewelry store to look at engagement rings?

Of course, there was no way for you to know this information before you crammed your post chock-full of false assumptions. You couldn't know what my boyfriend and I had discussed before he bought the ring. I suggest that next time, you ASK for information before you assume it. It will make any future insulting posts more difficult to refute if you back it up with research.

I'm going to say one more thing, and I hope it's something for everyone think about. I plan on buying my boyfriend a nice watch for his "engagement watch." I don't think I should be the only person who gets a great gift out of this, so I told him that's what I wanted to do. At first he said he didn't want/need a new watch, but now he's taking me up on my wish to give him one. He showed me the exact watch he wanted and said this is the ONLY watch that he wants. Personally, I don't care for it. I've seen other watches that I'd much rather get him. However, I'm getting him the watch he wants, because I want him to love it and be completely happy with it. Would I rather have him love the watch that I prefer (which, incidentally, is more expensive than the one he's asked me to get)? Of course. But that's not the point. The point is I want HIM to be happy, and if he's happy, then I'm happy. Is there anyone on this thread who would say to me, "Forget what he told you he wants - buy him the watch that YOU like, he should be grateful you're getting him anything at all." I very much doubt it.

 

[Circe]

Date: 11/5/2009 7:34:31 PM
Author: stanley


Personally if someone were to say that she likes the ring i got her, but she REALLY likes this bigger, more expensive one - I'd be tempted to take the ring back, and head over to the nearest nudie bar with the proceeds.

Hey there, misogyny! A woman having an opinion about an item she'll wear every day for the rest of her life is EXACTLY like taking your clothes off for money. Because, as we all know, the ladies are just out to get the best price for it the market will bear, amirite?

You might want to rethink that position. You actually *want* to communicate honestly with your partner and be sure she's happy, just like she'll want you to be happy. It's not ingratitude: it's communication. BBD and her FI handled this maturely and practically, and they're approaching a happy resolution in which they come to understand one another a little better through the process of getting engaged. Did you not read the entire thread, or ...?

 

[IceExplorer]

Date: 11/5/2009 8:26:48 PM
Author: blueberrydot

Date: 11/5/2009 3:30:16 PM

Author: IceExplorer

Date: 10/24/2009 12:35:46 AM


Author:blueberrydot


...........




A few weeks ago, my boyfriend mentioned to me that he was starting to look at diamonds. I alerted my best friend and my sister, bc I knew that he would ask at least one of them for their opinion, and they already knew what I wanted and were armed with the information about the kind of diamond and setting that I liked



It's not my intention to stir the proverbial pot, I certainly didn't mean to get the female contributing community gathered together to march upon me for their rights to decisions, voting and general societal acknowledgment. Obviously that is how it was received, for that, I apologize.



After reading Blueberrydot's post it was evident that her boyfriend DID SEEK HER CONTRIBUTION. Instead of showing that she was interested in being part of the decision process, she didn't comment (to him). He moved forward to buy her a a ring on his own.



After he purchased one and it arrived she changed her mind from being upset for not getting HER 'dream ring' to being 'excited' about HIS ring (that wasn't perfect) to wanting her (not real) aunt's BIGGER MORE EXPENSIVE ring.



I fail to see how my post is chauvinistic because she isn't getting what she wants (which she can't seem to figure out either). She was given the opportunity to contribute and help but didn't partake until AFTER the fact.

I'm not going to comment on my personal take of your opinion of me and my 'incessant demands.' I don't trust myself to answer in a way that would be productive to this conversation. I will limit myself to clearing up the many things that you have taken the liberty to assume.


My boyfriend told me on a Friday afternoon that he was starting to look at rings. We were on the phone at the time and all he told me was that he was learning about diamonds (the 4 Cs). I didn't think it was either proper or delicate to say 'Well, I want this and this and this.' I saw no need to immediately bombard him with every detail and specification of what I wanted, especially since I KNEW he would be asking either my sister or my best friend for their opinion. I alerted them that he was probably going to talk to them soon, which he did (that night, actually), and they showed him exactly what I wanted. He didn't 'seek my contribution.' He didn't ask me what I preferred. All he said was that he was starting to look at diamonds (online). As I mentioned, this happened on a Friday night. On Saturday night, we were hanging out together and again talked about my prospective engagement ring, and I asked him what he thought about the ring that my sister and best friend had showed him. He told me that he thought it was ugly and obnoxious looking, and that he was going to get me a RB solitaire, to which I said that I very much prefer a radiant to an RB, and that I had never envisioned myself getting an RB as an engagement ring. So, your comment that I never showed any interest in being a part of the decision process, and that I didn't make any comment to him before he bought the ring was ENTIRELY FALSE and a COMPLETE ASSUMPTION on your part, because I absolutely made it clear that I preferred a radiant to an RB before he ever bought his ring. However, even if that were not the case, even if I hadn't personally voiced my preferences on the ring to him, he DID get the information on the exact kind of ring I wanted via my sister and my best friend, so he knew precisely what I was hoping for. You seem to think that he was going blind into the buying process with no idea of what I would like, and he just made a guess on his own because I was a silent wall of non-information. It's not true.


He ended up buying his ring Sunday night. This was only a little over 48 hours after he merely mentioned rings to me in the first place. It was a complete shock to me that he bought the ring so quickly, especially as he never gave any hint that he wanted to buy a ring immediately. I thought we had time. I thought perhaps we would go look at diamonds together in person, and make a decision. In fact, several months earlier we had even talked about getting engaged without a ring, and then picking one out later. You mentioned that I can't seem to figure out what I want. Can you tell me how, in 48 hours, I was supposed to definitively figure out what I do and do not like? Especially since I had never even set foot in a jewelry store to look at engagement rings?


Of course, there was no way for you to know this information before you crammed your post chock-full of false assumptions. You couldn't know what my boyfriend and I had discussed before he bought the ring. I suggest that next time, you ASK for information before you assume it. It will make any future insulting posts more difficult to refute if you back it up with research.


I'm going to say one more thing, and I hope it's something for everyone think about. I plan on buying my boyfriend a nice watch for his 'engagement watch.' I don't think I should be the only person who gets a great gift out of this, so I told him that's what I wanted to do. At first he said he didn't want/need a new watch, but now he's taking me up on my wish to give him one. He showed me the exact watch he wanted and said this is the ONLY watch that he wants. Personally, I don't care for it. I've seen other watches that I'd much rather get him. However, I'm getting him the watch he wants, because I want him to love it and be completely happy with it. Would I rather have him love the watch that I prefer (which, incidentally, is more expensive than the one he's asked me to get)? Of course. But that's not the point. The point is I want HIM to be happy, and if he's happy, then I'm happy. Is there anyone on this thread who would say to me, 'Forget what he told you he wants - buy him the watch that YOU like, he should be grateful you're getting him anything at all.' I very much doubt it.

The title of your post:
Needing advice on a sensitive subject

Your first paragraph:
but I figure this is a place where I can get honest, unbiased answers.

Again, you ask for something and don't like what you get... sorry if I only took the information you typed into consideration and assumed that was all to the story.

Obviously I'm not chauvinistic because I started my last post by stepping into the kitchen and stirring the proverbial pot!!!

hahaha

Good luck with your ring and watch shopping, engagement, wedding and marriage.

 

[blueberrydot]

Date: 11/5/2009 10:18:12 PM
Author: IceExplorer

Date: 11/5/2009 8:26:48 PM

Author: blueberr
The title of your post:

Needing advice on a sensitive subject


Your first paragraph:

but I figure this is a place where I can get honest, unbiased answers.


Again, you ask for something and don't like what you get... sorry if I only took the information you typed into consideration and assumed that was all to the story.


Obviously I'm not chauvinistic because I started my last post by stepping into the kitchen and stirring the proverbial pot!!!

hahaha


Good luck with your ring and watch shopping, engagement, wedding and marriage.

Look at your first post to this thread. That wasn't a post about advice. That was a post of your opinion of me, as a person. There were a lot of people on this thread who disagreed with what I wanted to do, and gave me ADVICE as to how I should proceed. You'll notice that I did not take up arms with ANY of those posters. You said I should just "be thankful." Fine. You could have ended it there. But then you called me shallow and incessantly demanding. I asked for advice, not unnecessary and unfair attacks on my character. Which were my incessant demands, if you don't mind my asking? My boyfriend bought me a ring that he said we could talk about if I didn't like it. I wasn't crazy about it and suggested other options that fell within his budget. I'm curious as to where the "incessant demands" came into this story.

 

[GoSharks]

 

[yssie]

blueberry, you don't need to defend yourself - you and your FI just need to be happy with your resolution, whatever that may be. Other people can tell you whatever they want, but in the end, it's noone's business but yours.

You didn't start this thread to discuss your morality, I'm pretty sure, so don't worry about what other people are saying, 'cause in the end none of our opinions of you, your life, your doings, or your ring matter, just yours

.

ETA: GoSharks got there first

 

[blueberrydot]

Gosharks, I definitely LOL''d at that one. Thanks for lightening the mood!

 

[miraclesrule]

This thread was more fun to read than the book I have sitting next to me.

Have fun shopping with your FI Blueberry, and you should listen to the PS''ers here. You and your FI are really going to get your Bling on now...

 

[stanley]

do you not see the difference in what had happened here?

he told you he wanted xxxxx model watch. you let your sister give suggestions. if it was that big of a deal to you, you should have taken him by the hand and said ''here - this specific ring is what i want''

 

[stanley]

how is it misogyny to think that when one person buys another a gift that symbolizes their love and life long commitment for the other the carat weight of the gift should not play a role in the recipients response instead of the meaning behind the gift?

the sex of the parties involved have nothing to do with my response. Had the sexes been reversed in this situation my response would have been identical.

I see no need to revise my position. if i were to propose to someone and have her accept only to hear "well this 1.5 ct ring you bought me is nice and all, but i really never saw myself with anything but a 2 ct stone" my response would be to take the ring back and NOT offer an upgrade in return. if she wants a nice big fat radiant at some point, there are 9 other fingers that can host one. that on particular finger''s resident should be sacred - for the reason the ring was given. not the size of the stone.

if both parties dont mind an upgrade then thats one thing, the OPs fiancee however has a strong sentimental attachment to that particular ring, and that attachment should be respected. To try and find a way to convince him it''s ok to upgrade is rather vain IMHO

 

[Circe]

Date: 11/6/2009 7:04:13 AM
Author: stanley
how is it misogyny to think that when one person buys another a gift that symbolizes their love and life long commitment for the other the carat weight of the gift should not play a role in the recipients response instead of the meaning behind the gift?


the sex of the parties involved have nothing to do with my response. Had the sexes been reversed in this situation my response would have been identical.


I see no need to revise my position. if i were to propose to someone and have her accept only to hear 'well this 1.5 ct ring you bought me is nice and all, but i really never saw myself with anything but a 2 ct stone' my response would be to take the ring back and NOT offer an upgrade in return. if she wants a nice big fat radiant at some point, there are 9 other fingers that can host one. that on particular finger's resident should be sacred - for the reason the ring was given. not the size of the stone.


if both parties dont mind an upgrade then thats one thing, the OPs fiancee however has a strong sentimental attachment to that particular ring, and that attachment should be respected. To try and find a way to convince him it's ok to upgrade is rather vain IMHO

Some days I get the feeling that guys who respond angrily to ring-changing threads are identifying too closely ... have you *read* the whole thread? BBD specified that her guy spent 3 days picking a stone and ring, start to finish. We're not talking about a major emotional investment, here. He took a chance and picked something completely different from what she'd mentioned liking. She didn't love it, so ... no dice. LOVED the man, NOT the ring. Symbolic, not literal, right?

She's also said that they've happily decided to return the stone, skip the aunt's ring, and look for something they can both agree on (to my mind, the perfect way to symbolically mark the beginning of a union). There's ... not much to get het up over in that.

And the misogyny comes in when you use sex work as your analogy, just in case it wasn't clear. It's not exactly subtle, is it?

 

[stanley]

yes. i DID read the thread. did you? let''s start with this from the fist post: "He says that I should like my ring because HE researched it and HE picked it out and it''s "HIS" ring, and he doesn''t want me to have "someone else''s ring."" the guys agreement to change the ring was under protest and was the result of compromise.

that should be the end of the story. it doesnt matter how long it took the guy to pick it out. he got it as a symbol of his commitment for her. if she doesnt respect that and wants a diamond thats bigger, well if he''s ok with that, then good for them. but hes not.

and once again, my comment has nothing to do with misogyny. sex work isnt the exclusive domain of women.

 

[Laila619]

LOL @ GoSharks picture

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 11/6/2009 7:04:13 AM
Author: stanley
how is it misogyny to think that when one person buys another a gift that symbolizes their love and life long commitment for the other the carat weight of the gift should not play a role in the recipients response instead of the meaning behind the gift?


the sex of the parties involved have nothing to do with my response. Had the sexes been reversed in this situation my response would have been identical.


I see no need to revise my position. if i were to propose to someone and have her accept only to hear ''well this 1.5 ct ring you bought me is nice and all, but i really never saw myself with anything but a 2 ct stone'' my response would be to take the ring back and NOT offer an upgrade in return. if she wants a nice big fat radiant at some point, there are 9 other fingers that can host one. that on particular finger''s resident should be sacred - for the reason the ring was given. not the size of the stone.


if both parties dont mind an upgrade then thats one thing, the OPs fiancee however has a strong sentimental attachment to that particular ring, and that attachment should be respected. To try and find a way to convince him it''s ok to upgrade is rather vain IMHO

honestly, you seem to be picking and choosing what info you like from blueberry''s posts and ignoring what doesn''t support your position.
How exactly do you know so much about her Fi''s feelings and priorities pray tell??..

Leave it be, a resolution was reached between BBD and her guy (the only folks who matter in this equation!), on page 3 already..

 

[motownmama]

.............this topic NEVER fails to hit at LEAST the 4 page mark! It''s very emotionally charged!

 

[Liane]

Date: 11/6/2009 10:56:39 AM
Author: arjunajane

Leave it be, a resolution was reached between BBD and her guy (the only folks who matter in this equation!), on page 3 already..

But that would be less ego-gratifying!

Seriously, the guy straight-up admitted he was trolling (or "stirring the pot," as if that makes it any better), so that should end it. No further comment is needed or deserved.

BBD, I''m glad you were able to reach a mature and happy resolution.

 

[Stone Hunter]

BBD I''m glad that the two of you were able to work something out. I think that talking through this and compromising will make you a stronger couple in the future. This isn''t a life and death issue but it can be a rehersal for life and death issues.

So good job BBD! Come back and post your ring when you get it, and his watch too!!

 

[outatouch0]

Yea, and by all means do not bother to defend yourself to someone that obviously only THINKS they read the original post and likely didn''t even bother to read the subsequent threads that followed before commenting.