Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Needing advice on a sensitive subject

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
I don't know about the age gap -- it seems to me that some of the most traditional and old-fashioned people on here are in their 20's, when it comes to proposals and the women wanting to be surprised by the ring and the men wanting to do all the choosing and planning.

When I joined PS, I was surprised to see that the rather old-fashioned custom of surprise proposals and rings was still alive and well. I thought it had died out with my generation in the 1920s when women got the vote (just kidding).
 
I am in the surprise boat myself, and I have no idea what kind of diamond/setting she likes. If my GF does not like the ring I am having made for her too bad for me, I would be happy to change it. Sure it will suck to be out $1500 (4-5 months savings for me as a grad student) for the setting/band, but I can return the diamond and find a diamond/setting that she prefers. She certainly won’t get a new ring immediately if I can’t return the setting, but I will do my best. My opinion on the diamond/ring does not matter, it is not for me: it is for her. The only thing I can do is buy the best diamond/setting I can in the hopes that she will love it.


I can't speak about the whole traditional proposal thing, but I am choosing the surprise for the emotional aspects.
 
Date: 10/27/2009 1:26:48 PM
Author: sarap333
I don''t know about the age gap -- it seems to me that some of the most traditional and old-fashioned people on here are in their 20''s, when it comes to proposals and the women wanting to be surprised by the ring and the men wanting to do all the choosing and planning.

When I joined PS, I was surprised to see that the rather old-fashioned custom of surprise proposals and rings was still alive and well. I thought it had died out with my generation in the 1920s when women got the vote (just kidding).
Click to expand...

Who wouldn''t want to be swept off their feet like in the romance books/movies

10.gif


I think it has to do with where you’re from too. I don’t know if it’s people I hang out with but the one girlfriend of mine that’s married picked her own ring out and her husband paid for it. She’s onto her next project and he’s going to foot the bill (he sets the budget though). My other single girlfriends feel the same way I do, why settle when you can get what you want. I mean this isn’t the olden days where women didn’t have rights/options but yet we still see such traditional folks. Another hot topic is, will you keep your name or take on your husbands. I hope the OP has all these issues sorted out before they get married or buy the new ring! I am going to count my blessing my FI thinks the way I do on a lot of the hot topics.
 
An ering, even though sentimental is really just a piece of jewelery, so in my opinion, get the one that YOU want and if that''s your aunts ring, then so be it. YOU are the one going to wear it so it might as well be one you really really like. He said he''d pay for the extra so let him. If he doesn''t have the extra money, offer to help him out. Don''t settle on the one from BN and return it before you can''t :0)
 
Wow!!

I never expected to read about this kinda dilemma on PS: i thought it was all about cuts, cuts and more cuts!

Really feeling for you though.

You are a perfectionist and your man is a traditionalist.

Something''s gotta give!!

Even if your man agrees to another ring, there is a good chance that he''ll resent you for not accepting his ring to begin with. Do ya really wanna have this hanging over your head?

I would just accept his ring in good grace and then upgrade a few years down the line. Forget the aunt''s ring, you just want that because it''s a bit more "perfect" than the one you have already. It''s not what you REALLY wanted at the start.

At the end of the day, it''s a GIFT and unless you''re the kinda person who regularly tells people that you hate their gifts and then asks for a more expensive one, then why treat this any differently??

If I was a traditional guy, I would be quite insulted (I''m not even a guy, so I wont really be!)

It just sucks that you didn''t get the ring you wanted, but that''s life! At least you have a great guy who loves you, wants to marry you and will be your companion for life. That''s worth more than any diamond for sure!!
1.gif


SOOOO want to know what you decide in the end. I''m all ears!
 
Date: 10/27/2009 3:26:42 PM
Author: luckynumber
Wow!!

I never expected to read about this kinda dilemma on PS: i thought it was all about cuts, cuts and more cuts!
Click to expand...
Although it may seem that way at times and cut is a very important topic, it isn''t just about cut quality, we try to help with all aspects of diamond purchasing.

And welcome to Pricescope!
35.gif
 
Blueberrydot, I personally would return the ring with the big black inclusion. I had a ring that had a black feather and it bugged me for years. I wouldn''t
get the Aunts ring either. I would seriously have a problem with a man who knew what I wanted and deliberately chose the opposite. Yes, a e-ring is a gift
in one sense, but it is also a sign of a contract made. You agreed to be his wife, he sealed the deal with the ring.

I would sit down with him and hash it out as to me this signals a problem. His opinion is more important than yours? Will he ever hear what you ask for and
get it for you, or will he think he knows better and get what he wants? I am not saying it is a deal breaker or he is a bad guy in any way, but it seems to me
an issue that you need to discuss.

IMHO, he should be willing to let you have what pleases you, not what pleases him. Maybe when you have worked out the issue you can go shopping together and
try on all the different cuts and then make your decision.

I would definitely return the BN ring asap.
 
Date: 10/27/2009 11:33:12 AM
Author: wham
I'm mostly just curious but I'm not quite sure I can see why people are calling the man 'immature' when he seems more hurt by the notion that the OP would prefer another person's diamond than the one he chose. Granted this is also coming from the male perspective but it seems more like a parent buying a pony for their daughter and having the daughter say 'I want a nicer/bigger pony'.
Click to expand...

Hi,


Maybe my words were a bit harsh....and if they were...I am sorry. However, I called the gentleman immature and insensitive because he deliberately ignored the wishes of his fiance and then seemed to belittle her choice. Worse yet...he went out and purchased another type of diamond knowing that she wanted a completely different type of stone. Now....this would be fine....I'm sure that many men have seen diamonds that although not what their fiance wanted, they thought would be a better choice. There is a story above where one such fiance did just that. However...he made that choice...all the while letting his future bride know that she was free to return the ring and get what she really wanted, IMHO..THAT is a mature man. THAT is a sensitive and unselfish man. He simply wants his fiance to be happy. I don't get that sense here.

On the other hand...I don't blame him for being upset about the desire to purchase the aunt's ring. It seems to me that this may be a back-handed slap at his choice in terms of size. IMHO...THAT is a no-no. Call me old-fashioned. I may be in some respects. I still have not told my fiance of two months what I found out here on PS about the issue with the angles of my diamond and never will. Why? We love the diamond...he was sooooo proud of his purchase and the bottom line is that I love it and it was more than I expected. Now that I have been on PS...now I want a setting change even though I am the one whom picked out and got what I thought was my dream setting!!! LOL I will however tell him I want a setting change in a few years.

I said all of this to say that sometimes we forget what is really important.
 
Date: 10/27/2009 1:26:48 PM
Author: sarap333
When I joined PS, I was surprised to see that the rather old-fashioned custom of surprise proposals and rings was still alive and well. I thought it had died out with my generation in the 1920s when women got the vote (just kidding).
Click to expand...

+1! I can''t imagine how things would have gone if my husband had proposed this way! Not at ALL my cup of tea.

I think the bottom line is that if you''re going to propose to someone, you should know them well enough to be aware of their preferences. As in, you should know if your girlfriend would prefer to be surprised or to pick out the ring herself.

And in this day and age, if a guy proposes by surprise and the girl doesn''t love the ring, he should be humble enough to start over and pick something out together. SHE is the one who will be wearing the ring every day for the rest of her life!
 
Date: 10/28/2009 1:54:53 AM
Author: jstarfireb
Date: 10/27/2009 1:26:48 PM

Author: sarap333

When I joined PS, I was surprised to see that the rather old-fashioned custom of surprise proposals and rings was still alive and well. I thought it had died out with my generation in the 1920s when women got the vote (just kidding).
Click to expand...


+1! I can''t imagine how things would have gone if my husband had proposed this way! Not at ALL my cup of tea.


I think the bottom line is that if you''re going to propose to someone, you should know them well enough to be aware of their preferences. As in, you should know if your girlfriend would prefer to be surprised or to pick out the ring herself.


And in this day and age, if a guy proposes by surprise and the girl doesn''t love the ring, he should be humble enough to start over and pick something out together. SHE is the one who will be wearing the ring every day for the rest of her life!
Click to expand...

When my husband and I were getting engaged/married he was very matter of fact about it. We decided over the phone that marriage was a viable option for our situation (long distance) and although I wouldn''t give him a direct answer or allow him to ask me over the phone, he did try to hint around what my answer would be (eyeroll - duh lol) and asked me if I wanted an engagement ring and let me know that he had very little money (well, none - but like $150) and I told him oh no honey you can''t afford what I really want (3/4 carat oval) so I''ll just wait. Well... he did exactly as he was told but I admit I was so disappointed he didn''t show up and surprise me with some little chip of a thing. Men can be clueless and unprepared and even thoughtless in the ways of jewelery and a woman''s fickle heart, and it doesn''t necessarily mean they can''t make a great husband... mine''s been great (other than making me wait FIFTEEN YEARS for that diamond) for 18 years now :) He didn''t even blink very hard when I added a full 2 carats to my original dream stone lol They can be trained ;)
 
I know a million people have said this already, but here''s my take on it:

You guys need to compromise. This is only the first of many, many issues you will have to find solutions to that make you BOTH happy over the course of your marriage. As someone once said to me when my then boyfriend, now husband, were having a deep, apparently insolvable conflict: If one of you wins, you both lose. You need to find a solution where you both win.

You''ve both done something insensitive here. He ignored your wish for a radiant and bought what he likes--a round brilliant--without your agreeing to it. You rejected it in favor of a ring he has nothing to do with, a ring that comes from you side of the family and was chosen by some other man for some other woman and will be a gift from you aunt, not from him.

The solution is going to lie somewhere else altogether. If he hates radiants (actually, I agree with him, but that''s neither here nor there), he shouldn''t have to give you one (yes, you''re wearing the ring, but he has to see you wear it). But you have to let the ring be from HIM, not from your aunt.

You should return the ring he gave you that you don''t like, forget about your aunt''s ring, and choose something together that you BOTH love. Maybe a great, sparkly GOG cushion or an ideal cut princess. Maybe a round that doesn''t have a black spot. Maybe a new setting that hides the pavilion and gives you more sparkle. But something you both love and that he''s involved in.
 
Date: 10/28/2009 10:45:54 AM
Author: glitterata
I know a million people have said this already, but here's my take on it:

You guys need to compromise. This is only the first of many, many issues you will have to find solutions to that make you BOTH happy over the course of your marriage. As someone once said to me when my then boyfriend, now husband, were having a deep, apparently insolvable conflict: If one of you wins, you both lose. You need to find a solution where you both win.

You've both done something insensitive here. He ignored your wish for a radiant and bought what he likes--a round brilliant--without your agreeing to it. You rejected it in favor of a ring he has nothing to do with, a ring that comes from you side of the family and was chosen by some other man for some other woman and will be a gift from you aunt, not from him.

The solution is going to lie somewhere else altogether. If he hates radiants (actually, I agree with him, but that's neither here nor there), he shouldn't have to give you one (yes, you're wearing the ring, but he has to see you wear it). But you have to let the ring be from HIM, not from your aunt.

You should return the ring he gave you that you don't like, forget about your aunt's ring, and choose something together that you BOTH love. Maybe a great, sparkly GOG cushion or an ideal cut princess. Maybe a round that doesn't have a black spot. Maybe a new setting that hides the pavilion and gives you more sparkle. But something you both love and that he's involved in.
Click to expand...
I think that glitterata has proposed an excellent suggestion for both of you. You and your DF need to find a resolution to this issue and move on with your lives. I don't think that you have to try to love a ring that you don't, but you do need to be sensitive to his feelings. He also needs to be sensitive to your feelings and preferences. I hope that the two of you can approach this "ring thing" from a place of willingness to work together.
 
Oh wow! There has been a lot of activity on this thread since the last time I looked at it - it looks like I''ll be responding to a lot of messages!

First off, I should probably address how I feel about just sucking it up and taking his ring. Early in our relationship, my boyfriend bought me a pearl necklace for my birthday. I was shocked when he gave it to me, because I had actually been wanting a pearl necklace but had never mentioned it, either to him or any of my friends, so I know he came up with the idea to get it for me all by himself. He had noticed that I frequently wore strands of fake pearls and the fact that he noticed that, and then decided to buy me some real (cultured) pearls touched me SO very much. I NEVER would have thought he''d notice the kind of jewelry I wear, because frankly, he never puts any thought into what he or anyone else is wearing (this is a fact acknowledged by him!). To this day, it is still my favorite gift from him because of how very very sweet it was of him to put so much thoughtfulness into a present.

Here''s the problem - I never wear them. He had bought them online, and when he gave them to me, he said that the pearls were larger than he had thought they would be (he had really done no research on pearls before he bought them, so he only saw the picture and thought they looked like "the right size" pearls and had no idea about how to judge pearls by MM size, etc, bless his heart). He said he was sorry they looked a little awkwardly big and said that he could return them for smaller pearls. I insisted that I loved them (which I did and still do, because of the thought behind them). I''ve worn them maybe five times since he gave them to me, and those times mostly only to wear them for him. In fact, as I''m typing right now, I''m wearing a cheap strand of 5 dollar pearls that I got as a bridesmaid gift from a cousin. The problem with his pearls is not precisely that the pearls were too large (although they are admittedly large for my taste), but that the strand is an awkward length (I would have preferred that the pearls stop at my collarbone, but they extend a few inches lower than that, so they''re always falling behind the tops that I wear) but more importantly, the color is not what I would have chosen. His pearls are so white as to be almost blue-ish tinged, and I would have chosen pearls that are more ivory/yellow, because I wear a lot of warm colors and I tend to stay away from anything cool toned. As I''ve said, the pearls he gave me are my favorite present from him, because of the thoughtfulness behind them, but then again....right now I''m wearing an extremely cheap strand of fake pearls because I prefer they way they look. If he had bought me a strand of pearls of the size, color and length that I prefer, I would most likely be wearing them at LEAST once a week. (By the way, I hope this story at least somewhat puts to rest the thought that I might be some greedy, spoiled, ungrateful brat that only wants more and better than what I have - I''m wearing plastic pearls over real ones, and I told my boyfriend that it would be ok for him to buy me Moissanite instead of a diamond, for Pete''s sake!
17.gif
) haha, just kidding about the angel thing. But I really do think I am an OK person!

Anyway, in that particular case, I shut my mouth and accepted his present. I DON''T feel like I can do the same for a diamond. If he''s going to be spending thousands of dollars on it, I feel like I should be able to absolutely adore it. Yes, I could shut my mouth again, and tell him that his diamond is everything that I want and he made the perfect choice, but that would be a lie. I have never been dishonest with him in my life, and I''m not going to do it now over a piece of jewelry. Nor do I think it''s right to tell him "I don''t really care for this, but I''ll cherish it anyway because I love you." Somehow, I doubt that''s what he wants. Yes, I liked the diamond when I tried it on - but "like" is not "love." When I go to look for a wedding dress, I would like to think that I wouldn''t stop until I found something that I LOVED. Sure, many girls might LOVE a dress that I LIKED, but does that mean I should just pick out any old nice looking wedding dress just because other girls would love to have it? That doesn''t make sense to me. My parents will be paying for my wedding dress - does that mean I should let my mom pick out whatever she wants and not say a word if it''s nothing like what I want, just because it''s a gift from her? That also doesn''t make sense to me (and wouldn''t make sense to my mom either, thank goodness!)

Anyway, I should probably add that just sucking it up and keeping his ring is not really an option anymore, as he has already sent it back to Blue Nile. This actually was not because I refused to keep his ring - it was a decision he made himself after seeing the ring of a friend of ours who recently got engaged. He had bought me a solitaire because he said (according to his solid opinion formed after never having looked at any engagement rings in real life before, ever) sidestones are obnoxious and detract from the center stone, blah blah blah. However, he took one gander at my friend''s ring (a very lovely 3 stone setting with a pave band) and immediately had buyer''s remorse over his choice of a plain solitaire band.
20.gif
There should be an icon for "palm to the forehead."

Oh, and just to clear up a point - my boyfriend and I are totally fine over this whole business! Yes, he would rather me stick with an RB and yes, I want something else and yes, we''re still trying to figure it out, but I can assure you all that there is no tension, arguing, cattiness or pettiness going on. No tears have been shed, no resentful words thrown around. I''m actually surprised that so many people have seemed to assume that just because my boyfriend and I are disagreeing on an issue that it has turned ugly and messy. Let me reassure you that it is not at all so!
1.gif
1.gif


This post was much longer than I intended it to be. I think any other thoughts that I have on this thread so far will have to wait for another post!
 
"This post was much longer than I intended it to be. I think any other thoughts that I have on this thread so far will have to wait for another post!"

NONSENSE!!!
You have us way too interested to drop off on us now!!!
6.gif


Glad to hear all is well with the most important part (your relationship). Keep us posted on your progress with selecting a ring. In fact, let us help.
9.gif
PS members are diamond enthusiasts - we love this sort of thing.
2.gif
Selecting my FI''s ER was one of the neatest experiences of my life. I keep checking back here to help others just as those before me stuck around to help me.
 
So in other words, you really don''t want anyone else''s opinion and you will get what you want in the end. So if you are both fine with it, why is it a sensitive subject?
 
Hey April, that''s a little harsh! Blueberrydot is being quite gracious about a LOT of passionate advice that sometimes comes across as pretty critical. I don''t think she''s ignoring it--she''s just explaining her thinking.

Blueberry, it sounds as if you and your guy are dealing with this situation well. As long as you can talk to each other and listen, I think you''re going to find an excellent solution.

I hope you''ll let us know what you do! As you can see, we all care a lot--maybe so much it''s a little weird. But we mean well.
 
I''m glad that the ring isn''t a source of tension in your relationship - it shouldn''t be :)

I think what posts here have suggested can be boiled down to two things.

1. it would be a shame for you to settle
2. a larger stone with higher clarity does not mean it has a better cut

I don''t know how much you have researched cut (and I don''t mean radiant vs round) but I highly recommend you and your boyfriend do that before you proceed any further. I wouldn''t want a non eye clean stone either so that one would have been sent back. I would accept some SI1 stones though so keep your eyes open for another! Maybe go through good old gold or whiteflash and let them be your first line of defense in the eye clean dept. I know how tempting it is to go to 2 carats from 1.5 and some people make that choice and honestly if it''s the choice you''re happy with that''s all that matters. I think some of us are concerned that the performance of a smaller and better cut stone may satisfy you in ways that a larger and less well cut stone will. In fact, depending on the cut it may face up close to the same size anyway.

here''s what I''d do:

I would find another round, eye clean, and with a true ideal cut, maybe even a h&a and have it shipped to you and then ask to see your aunt''s ring and compare the two side by side in different lights. Give yourself the opportunity to make a well informed decision. If you choose the larger stone that''s totally fine - it''s a choice. It''s all a tradeoff. Unless you can afford your absolute perfect stone - it will involve some compromise. Where you compromise is up to you, but most of the people here would not sacrifice the cut of the stone at pretty much any cost or size increase and that''s something to at least think about.
 
Sorry to hear of your DH's buyers remorse and the return of the ring. However, based on the circumstances perhaps it was the best decision.

Not sure if you are asking but I suggest that the two of you stop, take a deep breath, and focus on YOUR (you and FH’s) needs/wants/desires. This purchase and symbol of it is about the TWO of you. Not your Mom, sister, Aunt, or friends. Not just your FH and not just you. Since the engagement was already presented to you, it is now time that the two of you openly discuss and start the browsing process together. With enough research, time and communication, I am sure that you will soon find a stone and a setting that you BOTH will love.
 
Date: 10/28/2009 7:14:55 PM
Author: Collee

Not sure if you are asking but I suggest that the two of you stop, take a deep breath, and focus on YOUR (you and FH’s) needs/wants/desires. This purchase and symbol of it is about the TWO of you. Not your Mom, sister, Aunt, or friends. Not just your FH and not just you. Since the engagement was already presented to you, it is now time that the two of you openly discuss and start the browsing process together. With enough research, time and communication, I am sure that you will soon find a stone and a setting that you BOTH will love.
Click to expand...
DITTO THIS! Please take this as a glorious second chance for you to be involved in the process and NOT end up in a compromising situation again!
 
Date: 10/28/2009 5:50:37 PM
Author: AprilBaby
So in other words, you really don''t want anyone else''s opinion and you will get what you want in the end. So if you are both fine with it, why is it a sensitive subject?
Click to expand...

I''m...really confused.
33.gif
What have I said that prompted this comment? Can you point out where you got the impression from me that I''ve decided it''s my way or the highway, and that everyone else giving me contrary opinions can go jump in a lake, because I am truly curious and I want to know exactly how I came off that way. If other people got that impression of me from my posts, then I am truly mortified. I VERY much value the advice everyone has been giving me so far, and I don''t think I have ever said anything that could be construed as being dismissive of other peoples'' opinions. My last post was to address the issue of why I didn''t think that my keeping his ring would be the ideal option for either of us, and I explained my reasons at length. I never said anything about refusing to compromise, or that I will only accept either a radiant or my aunt''s stone. In fact, I''m absolutely willing and desirous of choosing a ring that both my boyfriend and I can be truly happy with. I''m incredibly confused and bewildered about your caustic comment. If I somehow offended you, I sincerely apologize for it. Please know that I had no knowledge or intention of insulting your opinion, if that''s what happened.

When I said that my boyfriend and I are fine, I was making it clear that we are fine in regards to our relationship, since many people on this thread have expressed concern that perhaps this issue was somehow snowballing into a larger, deeper problem and I wanted to reassure those concerned that this is not at all the case. WE are great! However, we do still have to come to a decision about the ring. The issue of the ring is still up in the air, and it IS something that is a sensitive subject.
 
Be careful not to focus on only one persons reply especially when it seems way out of sync with the rest - some you just have to let roll off your back
 
Date: 10/29/2009 3:04:51 AM
Author: blueberrydot

Date: 10/28/2009 5:50:37 PM
Author: AprilBaby
So in other words, you really don''t want anyone else''s opinion and you will get what you want in the end. So if you are both fine with it, why is it a sensitive subject?
Click to expand...

I''m...really confused.
33.gif
What have I said that prompted this comment? Can you point out where you got the impression from me that I''ve decided it''s my way or the highway, and that everyone else giving me contrary opinions can go jump in a lake, because I am truly curious and I want to know exactly how I came off that way. If other people got that impression of me from my posts, then I am truly mortified. I VERY much value the advice everyone has been giving me so far, and I don''t think I have ever said anything that could be construed as being dismissive of other peoples'' opinions. My last post was to address the issue of why I didn''t think that my keeping his ring would be the ideal option for either of us, and I explained my reasons at length. I never said anything about refusing to compromise, or that I will only accept either a radiant or my aunt''s stone. In fact, I''m absolutely willing and desirous of choosing a ring that both my boyfriend and I can be truly happy with. I''m incredibly confused and bewildered about your caustic comment. If I somehow offended you, I sincerely apologize for it. Please know that I had no knowledge or intention of insulting your opinion, if that''s what happened.

When I said that my boyfriend and I are fine, I was making it clear that we are fine in regards to our relationship, since many people on this thread have expressed concern that perhaps this issue was somehow snowballing into a larger, deeper problem and I wanted to reassure those concerned that this is not at all the case. WE are great! However, we do still have to come to a decision about the ring. The issue of the ring is still up in the air, and it IS something that is a sensitive subject.
Click to expand...
Pay no mind to anyone who disagrees with your chosen path here. We are not making decisions for you and most of us are genuinely trying to guide you not push you into a path we feel is right.
NOONE on this board and I mean NOONE should ever question your decision if you decided to go the exact opposite of ALL comments posted here (I don''t beleieve you are though). Your initial post really got a lot of people''s attention good title and description and now many posters are really interested in seeing how this situation was resolved.

I am glad this is a much smaller issue than my impression when you initially posted. There are a lot of really passionate about diamonds people here (myself included) that can sometimes be way too fanatical about getting exactly what they want its not even healthy nor in touch with reality, its great you have your priorities in check. This may not be popular opinion especially here but we are still only talking about shiny rocks and we have been so brainwashed by De Beer''s marketing as to there significance to marriage and as a token of affection we forget they are still only way overpriced shiny rocks! This is okay as most people don''t take this too far and derive a lot of pleasure from their rings. I was horrified to hear Mystra''s story and I would hate for a ring to come before a relationship or be the cause for its demise.

Happy hunting for a new stone I hope my comments about Fancy Cuts and faceup size didn''t get lost in a long thread of posts.

Regards,

CCL
 
Date: 10/27/2009 1:07:28 PM
Author: Gleam

I find it really interesting that PSers, generally as a group who obsess over stones, setting and resetting them, considering this nuance over that, wouldn''t think EVERY girl out there should have an e-ring she loves.
Click to expand...
Gleam, I can''t speak for everyone else, but it''s not quite that cut and dried.

I personally DO think that every girl should have an e-ring she loves.....but I can tell you that I wouldn''t want to place more importance on an e-ring than I do my husband''s feelings. Conversely, I''d hope that my feelings would be more important to him than the choice of ring, too. For me, this would mean that hopefully we could talk it out and come to a solution that makes both of us happy.

It sounds like that is what''s happening here, which is great. It seems that some have missed the OP''s comment in her first post that said her FI was willing to talk about getting something else if she didn''t like what he selected. Granted, he purchased the RB knowing that she wanted something else, but I''d also point out that many times, people start shopping with one thing in mind and end up picking something totally different. It happened to me; I initially wanted a cushion before I learned much about stones, and then decided that I wanted a round.

Blueberry, it sounds like you''re both firmly on the right track. It''s great that he was willing to discuss getting something else if you didn''t like what he selected, and it''s also great that you respected his misgivings about getting the ring from your aunt. This kind of mutual respect and compromise will serve you very well in your married years.
1.gif


Best of luck finding something that you can BOTH love and be proud to have you wear.
 
wayhay!!!!

so glad things are smooth between you and the other half!
 
Blueberrydot, please accept my apology, no excuse from me. I was having a snarky day and
i took it out on you. So sorry.
 
Blueberry, I haven''t read all of these posts but it sounds like you''re on the way to having the ring situation figured out- congrats.

I wanted to add an aside about your pearls, as I''m also oddly pickly about the lengths of my pearl necklaces. I don''t know if this will work since your pearls sound larger than mine, but most jewelry stores can sell you a shortener for them. The shortener is almost like a little safety pin that clips the sides of the necklace together in the back, allowing you to make it as short as you want. They aren''t very expensive and are definitely worth looking into if you want your pearls to be more wearable. (I have a strand of pearls that I NEVER wore due to length, and after I bought a shortener I wear them all the time!)

Alternately, I''d say that if you liked them enough, you could always have a jeweler shorten them. I like the freedom that the shortener gives you though, in case in a few years you decide you like wearing longer necklaces or something.

(Sorry for the thread jack!)
 
I definitely suggest that you & your FI go together to a store (or 2) and you try on rings to get an idea of what you really like & it sounds like it couldn''t hurt for your FI to see more rings/styles as well. Also since he is OK buying online I would probably point him to whiteflash & other PS vendors as well.

Prior to a sweet surprise proposal my husband & I briefly chatted about diamonds- I really liked asschers- he suggested that I try on a 2 ct asscher and compare it to a 2 ct round. The 2 ct round faced up larger than the asscher & I don''t dislike rounds- I told him this. He ended up proposing w/a ring that contains a stone that had been his grandmother''s a 2.17 transitional cut w/6 side stones. It''s a lovely ring, but I do have issues w/the craftsmanship & height of the ring. I still would like to have the setting tweaked/redone (maintain the same design, same stones) but after having the ring for 4+ yrs & 3+ yrs of marriage, having a child, buying a house, etc. life has gotten in the way. One day we will have the setting changed, but in the meantime I wear it w/ love. Do I wish he had consulted w/ me on the setting? Yes, I would have pointed him to Leon w/o a doubt, but he didn''t and you know what he did a pretty good job on his own.

Also ditto on the recommendation of having your pearls shortened to a length you would wear more- you could probably even have a ring or earrings made from the extra pearls. The color can''t be fixed, but I do find that pearls can take on the color of fabric around them-

good luck!
 
I am very late to the game here but I highly suggest you just start from scratch. Buying your aunts ring is not, IMO a good idea. If it were a gift, it would be one thing but to buy it seems outright odd to me. That''s just my thought.

Maybe you both can compromise on a stone and look at something like a cushion. To me they are kind of the cross between a radiant and a round. Total thought

And I agree, restring the pearls he gave you to a different length. I totally understand about necklaces hitting at bad places. I cannot buy a lot of the same necklaces my friends have without adjusting to them. To me a 16" falls where most of my friends'' 18" fall so most of mine get lost as well. I prefer 13-16" long and have taken necklaces to jeweler to get them shortened or if a pendant we swap chains. Getting something like that shortened would be easy to do and you could probably make something else out of the left over pearls.

Good luck with your search though!
 
Date: 10/30/2009 5:12:10 PM
Author: AprilBaby
Blueberrydot, please accept my apology, no excuse from me. I was having a snarky day and

i took it out on you. So sorry.
Click to expand...

It''s ok April, no hard feelings
1.gif
. I was probably more sensitive than I should have been, as well!
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top