Needing advice on a sensitive subject

[blueberrydot]

Hello! This is my first time posting on this forum, and it''s only been a few days since I found pricescope so - hi! I''ve been going back and forth on whether or not to post this, but I figure this is a place where I can get honest, unbiased answers. Be warned - I have a tendency to be loquacious, so this could get long, because there are several different parts to the dilemma! I''ll try to keep it as brief as I can

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend mentioned to me that he was starting to look at diamonds. I alerted my best friend and my sister, bc I knew that he would ask at least one of them for their opinion, and they already knew what I wanted and were armed with the information about the kind of diamond and setting that I liked

To make a long story short, he bought a ring within three days of his search (and his search was solely online , he never went to a store to look at diamonds in person or anything like that). It wasn''t ANYTHING like what I had wanted, but that''s another story that will take too long to explain, and I promised to keep this as short as I could! What he ended up buying me was a RB solitaire and he, knowing that it was nothing like what I had been hoping for (I wanted a radiant cut with trapezoid side stones), said that if I hated it when it arrived, we could talk about getting something else. The ring arrived, and I was actually surprised to find that I did like it (even though I never wanted a RB solitaire). It was a 1.54 carat ideal cut, I color, SI1. The only problem was that while it was totally eye clean on its face, there was a very obvious black inclusion when I looked at the diamond from the bottom. This did not bother me that much, however. It looked lovely on my hand and I found myself actually excited about it, even though it was not my dream ring.

Here is where we get to the dilemma. My sister mentioned to my mom that my boyfriend was looking at rings, and coincidentally, her (my mom''s) best friend had a RB that she wanted to sell, and my mom had gone around to jewelry stores with her to see what they would offer her for the stone. It''s a 2.10 carat, good cut, VVS2 and either F or G in color. It doesn''t have a GIA report, but we took it to an independent GIA certified appraiser, and those were the specs from his report, so when we do get it GIA graded the specs are not likely to be that far off from the appraisal report. My mom''s best friend (who is basically like my aunt, so I''ll refer to her as my aunt from here on) is willing to sell him the ring for only $2k more than he paid for the Blue Nile ring ($2k more than the BN ring is what my boyfriend has said is that max that he will pay for a ring). I realize that this may raise some eyebrows, because the specs between my aunt''s stone and my boyfriend''s stone differ so widely that $2k couldn''t possibly cover the difference between the two. The jewelers offered more for it, but she told my mom that she would be willing to sell her ring to my boyfriend at that price as a wedding present to me, because we are quite close.

I told my boyfriend about my aunt''s ring but even though the price that she''s giving him for it falls within what he has said he would pay for a ring (although it is the very max that he would pay), he does not want to buy it from her. It''s not technically an issue of money. Although he thinks that to pay thousands of dollars for a diamond is silly, he still feels that I deserve a nice engagement ring and is very happy to pay for one. I think he might feel hurt that I would rather have my aunt''s diamond than his (although he bought his ring knowing FULL WELL that I wanted something completely different, so it stands to reason that I wouldn''t be dancing jigs about his ring). He says that I should like my ring because HE researched it and HE picked it out and it''s "HIS" ring, and he doesn''t want me to have "someone else''s ring."

I need to know if I am being reasonable about wanting my aunt''s ring, or if I am just being a B

. Should I just leave it alone and be happy with his ring? Or is it ok for me to press him a little further about my aunt''s ring? Again, it''s not a money issue - he has said before that he would pay that much for a ring (although he would rather not), and he would not have to go into debt to pay for it either. He told me that he would buy my aunt''s ring if I REALLY REALLY wanted it (which I do) but he would rather I stick with his ring. So now I don''t know what to do. My aunt''s ring has such great specs and is such an unbelievable deal that I don''t want to pass it up, but I also don''t want to hurt his feelings (although I don''t think it would bother him for long). What would pricescope do??

 

[bgray]

i would not buy the "aunts" ring--that whole situation sounds fishy. return the blue nile ring but i would buy a GIA or AGS certified stone from a reputable pricescope dealer.

 

[justginger]

That''s a very sensitive situation. I can see where many men would get offended, especially considering that in one way, he thought he was doing the "right" thing by researching online and not just buying the first thing presented to him at the local B&M shop.

I honestly can''t recommend what to do. I know that if my SO and I were in that situation, he''d be jumping at the chance to buy your aunt''s ring because of the value it represents. He would be disappointed about "wasting" his time on BN, but it was only 3 days - not like months of research to find a design you were being very picky about. Have you shown your partner the prices of comparable diamonds on here? Maybe if shown what a good value financial decision it is (well, as "good" of a financial decision it ever is to buy diamonds!), he''ll be more thoughtful about the prospect.

Good luck. Whatever you do, make sure it''s very clear to him that you appreciate the effort he put into "his" ring and are not trying to suggest that his efforts were wrong or not good enough. Remind him that he didn''t have the option of the aunt''s ring until now, so it''s not as if he made the wrong decision with the original diamond.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Do you think he''d have the same reaction if you told him you wanted what you originally thought you wanted (sorry for the convoluted sentence). The radiant with trap sides? Because I see two possible scenarios here:

1) If he''s not ok with you getting the radiant like you wanted, because the 1.5 round is HIS ring, etc. etc., then he''s being selfish and overlooking what he knew you wanted to get you what HE wanted, you know?

2) On the other hand, if he''s ok with you getting the radiant, he may just have a problem with the aunt''s ring in particular. Like, the radiant''s ok because in the end it''s your preference and YOUR ring, but the aunt''s ring is not, because it''s not what you picked out - rather, someone else picked it out. Sorry if this is confusing - I think in this case, he''d be ok with your choice (the radiant) because he privileges what you picked out over what he picked out, but he doesn''t feel the same way when it comes to a ring someone ELSE picked out.

Ok, I''m rambling so I''ll stop, but I think it''s one of those situations where it depends on what his motivations are for not wanting to accept the aunt''s ring.

 

[decodelighted]

Forget the "deal" ... do you really want this woman''s e-ring? SERIOUSLY? I think a little green-eyed-monster is clouding your best judgment here. He bought you a ring you ended up liking and were, in your own words "excited about". Forget "maximizing" -- focus on appreciation and love and the feelings involved in becoming engaged. That''s my advice.

 

[blueberrydot]

Date: 10/24/2009 12:53:09 AM
Author: bgray
i would not buy the ''aunts'' ring--that whole situation sounds fishy. return the blue nile ring but i would buy a GIA or AGS certified stone from a reputable pricescope dealer.

I''m actually not too worried about it being fishy, for several reasons: First, I don''t think she would ever, ever try to scam us. Second, we have the appraisal report from a GIA certified gemologist who is also a NAJA member (the appraisal was done last week). Third, my mom went with my aunt when she took the ring around to jewelers to see what they would offer her for the stone. She even took my aunt to her own jeweler, and she knows exactly how much the jewelers were willing to pay for it, because she was there when they made their offers. If there was something seriously wrong with the diamond, she would have known. Once we have it GIA graded we will know for sure, but for now, I doubt that anything fishy is going on

 

[kenny]

Quote: "He told me that he would buy my aunt's ring if I REALLY REALLY wanted it (which I do) but he would rather I stick with his ring."

This is childish; what is he, a 9-year old?
It is as if he's saying, "Pick who you love more, your aunt or me. I dare ya to say your aunt. I double dar ya."

If I were you, assuming I'd still want to marry a person who functions at this level, I'd take him up on HIS offer and get the aunt's ring.

Then when he pouts - and he will - it's on him.
He said you could have it.
If he didn't want you to have it he shouldn't have said you could.
He wants it both ways and is being passive aggressive.

He needs to stop playing games with you, grow up and stop sending contradictory messages.

He should grow some huevos and:
1. Say, "I have already given your the engagement ring, period."
OR
2. Say, "Honey, which ever ring you want is fine with me, it's your choice."

 

[blueberrydot]

Date: 10/24/2009 12:53:29 AM
Author: justginger Have you shown your partner the prices of comparable diamonds on here? Maybe if shown what a good value financial decision it is (well, as ''good'' of a financial decision it ever is to buy diamonds!), he''ll be more thoughtful about the prospect.


Good luck. Whatever you do, make sure it''s very clear to him that you appreciate the effort he put into ''his'' ring and are not trying to suggest that his efforts were wrong or not good enough. Remind him that he didn''t have the option of the aunt''s ring until now, so it''s not as if he made the wrong decision with the original diamond.

Actually yes, he does know the the worth of what my aunt''s diamond could actually retail for, which is what baffles me the most. I feel like most men would be like your husband and jump at the chance of scoring such a great deal

I have tried to be as sensitive as I possibly can be about the situation and I do love him for taking the time and effort to select his diamond, and I''ve definitely told him that. In fact, if my aunt''s diamond wasn''t an option, I might be perfectly content with his diamond, but her diamond IS an option.

I see it this way. I am planning to buy him an HDTV as his "engagement TV", and let''s say I was at the store and selected a perfectly nice 40" flatscreen. Not top of the line, but quite good, and a solid price at, say, $600. But then an employee comes up to me and says "Buy this tv instead - it''s 60 inches, and much better quality, and it''s $1000, but is actually worth $2000, and there''s only one of them." I couldn''t afford it if it were $2000, but at $1000, I totally can and would snap it up for him!

 

[bgray]

Date: 10/24/2009 1:13:50 AM
Author: blueberrydot

Date: 10/24/2009 12:53:09 AM

Author: bgray

i would not buy the 'aunts' ring--that whole situation sounds fishy. return the blue nile ring but i would buy a GIA or AGS certified stone from a reputable pricescope dealer.

I'm actually not too worried about it being fishy, for several reasons: First, I don't think she would ever, ever try to scam us. Second, we have the appraisal report from a GIA certified gemologist who is also a NAJA member (the appraisal was done last week). Third, my mom went with my aunt when she took the ring around to jewelers to see what they would offer her for the stone. She even took my aunt to her own jeweler, and she knows exactly how much the jewelers were willing to pay for it, because she was there when they made their offers. If there was something seriously wrong with the diamond, she would have known. Once we have it GIA graded we will know for sure, but for now, I doubt that anything fishy is going on

actually by fishy i dont mean fraudulent but i mean a 2 carat stone with a mediocre cut may not be a deal at all. the fact that the gemologist is "GIA certified" is somewhat meaningless. to get an accurate value on the stone you need a legit certificate and all the stats of the stone. the stone could be worth far less than you realize, conversely it may be worth far more.........you dont have enough info to go by

 

[blueberrydot]

Date: 10/24/2009 12:54:27 AM
Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl
Do you think he''d have the same reaction if you told him you wanted what you originally thought you wanted (sorry for the convoluted sentence). The radiant with trap sides? Because I see two possible scenarios here:


1) If he''s not ok with you getting the radiant like you wanted, because the 1.5 round is HIS ring, etc. etc., then he''s being selfish and overlooking what he knew you wanted to get you what HE wanted, you know?


2) On the other hand, if he''s ok with you getting the radiant, he may just have a problem with the aunt''s ring in particular. Like, the radiant''s ok because in the end it''s your preference and YOUR ring, but the aunt''s ring is not, because it''s not what you picked out - rather, someone else picked it out. Sorry if this is confusing - I think in this case, he''d be ok with your choice (the radiant) because he privileges what you picked out over what he picked out, but he doesn''t feel the same way when it comes to a ring someone ELSE picked out.


Ok, I''m rambling so I''ll stop, but I think it''s one of those situations where it depends on what his motivations are for not wanting to accept the aunt''s ring.

When it comes to the radiant cut, he hated the stone and setting I wanted on sight. If anyone is curious, here is a picture of something that was along the lines of what I wanted: radiant with trapezoids. He thought it was ugly and obnoxious looking and said that radiant cuts are not a great choice because they are not as sparkly as RB''s, not as "desirable", and would face up smaller than an RB would, and that''s why he chose the RB instead of what I wanted. I had never seen a radiant cut in person, but I thought it looked lovely :/ I''m really not sure why he is soooo very adamant about HIS ring, because in general, he trusts my opinion and thinks I have good taste.

 

[blueberrydot]

Date: 10/24/2009 1:00:15 AM
Author: decodelighted
Forget the 'deal' ... do you really want this woman's e-ring? SERIOUSLY? I think a little green-eyed-monster is clouding your best judgment here. He bought you a ring you ended up liking and were, in your own words 'excited about'. Forget 'maximizing' -- focus on appreciation and love and the feelings involved in becoming engaged. That's my advice.

Well...here's my take on this. When it came to engagement rings, I was initially very "against" getting a RB solitaire. All of my engaged friends have rings like that or similar, and I wanted something different and unique and "me" and I had told him as such. Also, both my sister AND my best friend told him that I wanted a radiant cut with traps, so he had to have known that I really wanted that type of ring, but chose to get me something that HE liked, rather than something that I liked. I figure if we get my aunt's ring, it would be both of us coming to a compromise on the type of ring I have - if I go with his ring, I will be the only one compromising on what I wanted. Hopefully that makes sense.

I'd LIKE to think that this is not all about me being greedy and the green eyed monster rearing its ugly head. I don't believe I a materialistic when it comes to diamonds. Early in our relationship, my boyfriend and I watched Blood Diamond together, and he said that he might not feel right about buying me a diamond because of the terrible situation in Africa. I told him, and I was very serious about this, that if he really felt that way, he didn't have to get me a diamond, and I would be perfectly happy with something like Moissanite, or a non-diamond gem. I even sent him articles and links about Moissanite, and I did not try to convince him to get me a diamond instead. He decided to get me a diamond after all, and he made that decision that completely on his own, and I still think that I would have been fine with moissanite or some other stone if that was the road he had taken.

 

[Jillian]

I think you need to get the ring you originally wanted - the radiant.

 

[kittybean]

I think the important question here is what you can see yourself (and your fiance) living with long-term. Is he always going to be resentful that you didn''t pick "his ring?" Are you always going to be resentful if you don''t get your radiant? Are you going to be disappointed if you don''t buy your aunt''s ring? I think you should both sort out your feelings on the topic (together), and pick what you will both be able to recognize as an appropriate, meaningful symbol of your love and commitment.

 

[blueberrydot]

Date: 10/24/2009 2:00:44 AM
Author: kittybean
I think the important question here is what you can see yourself (and your fiance) living with long-term. Is he always going to be resentful that you didn''t pick ''his ring?'' Are you always going to be resentful if you don''t get your radiant? Are you going to be disappointed if you don''t buy your aunt''s ring? I think you should both sort out your feelings on the topic (together), and pick what you will both be able to recognize as an appropriate, meaningful symbol of your love and commitment.

Thank you for this advice, I don''t think I had considered the "long term" aspect of this very much. This is very interesting to think about. Even though right now, he would rather not get me my aunt''s ring, I very much doubt that he would be resentful about it in the future. He''s not the type to hold onto something like resentment, especially if he knows that getting my aunt''s ring would make me very happy.

As for me, I still have never seen a radiant in person, so I can''t really be sure that I will either LOVE it, or end up being able to take it or leave it. Perhaps if I saw an RB and a radiant side by side, I would change my mind about what I prefer. Who can say? But setting aside the issue of my aunt''s ring, if I stick with his ring, I think it would bother me just to know that he picked it KNOWING that there was a good chance I wouldn''t like it. I''m not sure what he was thinking when he bought it - that he hoped I would immediately fall in love with it and forget all about the radiant? That he bought it simply because it was the "best" choice according to what he had researched on diamonds? Or the worst scenario - that he bought it because he liked it and didn''t care if I liked it or not? I don''t think the last one is likely, especially since throughout our relationship, my happiness has always been one of his top priorities, but I guess we do need to sit down and have a talk about what we BOTH want in a ring.

 

[onvacation]

Date: 10/24/2009 12:35:46 AM
Author:blueberrydot
Hello! This is my first time posting on this forum, and it''s only been a few days since I found pricescope so - hi! I''ve been going back and forth on whether or not to post this, but I figure this is a place where I can get honest, unbiased answers. Be warned - I have a tendency to be loquacious, so this could get long, because there are several different parts to the dilemma! I''ll try to keep it as brief as I can


A few weeks ago, my boyfriend mentioned to me that he was starting to look at diamonds. I alerted my best friend and my sister, bc I knew that he would ask at least one of them for their opinion, and they already knew what I wanted and were armed with the information about the kind of diamond and setting that I liked


To make a long story short, he bought a ring within three days of his search (and his search was solely online , he never went to a store to look at diamonds in person or anything like that). It wasn''t ANYTHING like what I had wanted, but that''s another story that will take too long to explain, and I promised to keep this as short as I could! What he ended up buying me was a RB solitaire and he, knowing that it was nothing like what I had been hoping for (I wanted a radiant cut with trapezoid side stones), said that if I hated it when it arrived, we could talk about getting something else. The ring arrived, and I was actually surprised to find that I did like it (even though I never wanted a RB solitaire). It was a 1.54 carat ideal cut, I color, SI1. The only problem was that while it was totally eye clean on its face, there was a very obvious black inclusion when I looked at the diamond from the bottom. This did not bother me that much, however. It looked lovely on my hand and I found myself actually excited about it, even though it was not my dream ring.


Here is where we get to the dilemma. My sister mentioned to my mom that my boyfriend was looking at rings, and coincidentally, her (my mom''s) best friend had a RB that she wanted to sell, and my mom had gone around to jewelry stores with her to see what they would offer her for the stone. It''s a 2.10 carat, good cut, VVS2 and either F or G in color. It doesn''t have a GIA report, but we took it to an independent GIA certified appraiser, and those were the specs from his report, so when we do get it GIA graded the specs are not likely to be that far off from the appraisal report. My mom''s best friend (who is basically like my aunt, so I''ll refer to her as my aunt from here on) is willing to sell him the ring for only $2k more than he paid for the Blue Nile ring ($2k more than the BN ring is what my boyfriend has said is that max that he will pay for a ring). I realize that this may raise some eyebrows, because the specs between my aunt''s stone and my boyfriend''s stone differ so widely that $2k couldn''t possibly cover the difference between the two. The jewelers offered more for it, but she told my mom that she would be willing to sell her ring to my boyfriend at that price as a wedding present to me, because we are quite close.


I told my boyfriend about my aunt''s ring but even though the price that she''s giving him for it falls within what he has said he would pay for a ring (although it is the very max that he would pay), he does not want to buy it from her. It''s not technically an issue of money. Although he thinks that to pay thousands of dollars for a diamond is silly, he still feels that I deserve a nice engagement ring and is very happy to pay for one. I think he might feel hurt that I would rather have my aunt''s diamond than his (although he bought his ring knowing FULL WELL that I wanted something completely different, so it stands to reason that I wouldn''t be dancing jigs about his ring). He says that I should like my ring because HE researched it and HE picked it out and it''s ''HIS'' ring, and he doesn''t want me to have ''someone else''s ring.''


I need to know if I am being reasonable about wanting my aunt''s ring, or if I am just being a B

. Should I just leave it alone and be happy with his ring? Or is it ok for me to press him a little further about my aunt''s ring? Again, it''s not a money issue - he has said before that he would pay that much for a ring (although he would rather not), and he would not have to go into debt to pay for it either. He told me that he would buy my aunt''s ring if I REALLY REALLY wanted it (which I do) but he would rather I stick with his ring. So now I don''t know what to do. My aunt''s ring has such great specs and is such an unbelievable deal that I don''t want to pass it up, but I also don''t want to hurt his feelings (although I don''t think it would bother him for long). What would pricescope do??

So do you think he didn''t mean it when it said that??? I''m confused.

 

[blueberrydot]

Date: 10/24/2009 1:23:01 AM
Author: bgray

Date: 10/24/2009 1:13:50 AM

Author: blueberrydot

Date: 10/24/2009 12:53:09 AM


Author: bgray


i would not buy the 'aunts' ring--that whole situation sounds fishy. return the blue nile ring but i would buy a GIA or AGS certified stone from a reputable pricescope dealer.

I'm actually not too worried about it being fishy, for several reasons: First, I don't think she would ever, ever try to scam us. Second, we have the appraisal report from a GIA certified gemologist who is also a NAJA member (the appraisal was done last week). Third, my mom went with my aunt when she took the ring around to jewelers to see what they would offer her for the stone. She even took my aunt to her own jeweler, and she knows exactly how much the jewelers were willing to pay for it, because she was there when they made their offers. If there was something seriously wrong with the diamond, she would have known. Once we have it GIA graded we will know for sure, but for now, I doubt that anything fishy is going on

actually by fishy i dont mean fraudulent but i mean a 2 carat stone with a mediocre cut may not be a deal at all. the fact that the gemologist is 'GIA certified' is somewhat meaningless. to get an accurate value on the stone you need a legit certificate and all the stats of the stone. the stone could be worth far less than you realize, conversely it may be worth far more.........you dont have enough info to go by

Oh, I see. Yes, I was initially worried about the cut as well, but the jeweler told my mom it could be recut into H&A without losing very much carat weight. Hopefully, this is true. We're going to get the diamond GIA graded, because my boyfriend won't buy it without a GIA report, and so we'll know its true specs soon and if it can indeed be recut.

 

[blueberrydot]

Date: 10/24/2009 2:35:04 AM
Author: onvacation

Date: 10/24/2009 12:35:46 AM

Author:blueberrydot

Hello! This is my first time posting on this forum, and it''s only been a few days since I found pricescope so - hi! I''ve been going back and forth on whether or not to post this, but I figure this is a place where I can get honest, unbiased answers. Be warned - I have a tendency to be loquacious, so this could get long, because there are several different parts to the dilemma! I''ll try to keep it as brief as I can



A few weeks ago, my boyfriend mentioned to me that he was starting to look at diamonds. I alerted my best friend and my sister, bc I knew that he would ask at least one of them for their opinion, and they already knew what I wanted and were armed with the information about the kind of diamond and setting that I liked



To make a long story short, he bought a ring within three days of his search (and his search was solely online , he never went to a store to look at diamonds in person or anything like that). It wasn''t ANYTHING like what I had wanted, but that''s another story that will take too long to explain, and I promised to keep this as short as I could! What he ended up buying me was a RB solitaire and he, knowing that it was nothing like what I had been hoping for (I wanted a radiant cut with trapezoid side stones), said that if I hated it when it arrived, we could talk about getting something else. The ring arrived, and I was actually surprised to find that I did like it (even though I never wanted a RB solitaire). It was a 1.54 carat ideal cut, I color, SI1. The only problem was that while it was totally eye clean on its face, there was a very obvious black inclusion when I looked at the diamond from the bottom. This did not bother me that much, however. It looked lovely on my hand and I found myself actually excited about it, even though it was not my dream ring.



Here is where we get to the dilemma. My sister mentioned to my mom that my boyfriend was looking at rings, and coincidentally, her (my mom''s) best friend had a RB that she wanted to sell, and my mom had gone around to jewelry stores with her to see what they would offer her for the stone. It''s a 2.10 carat, good cut, VVS2 and either F or G in color. It doesn''t have a GIA report, but we took it to an independent GIA certified appraiser, and those were the specs from his report, so when we do get it GIA graded the specs are not likely to be that far off from the appraisal report. My mom''s best friend (who is basically like my aunt, so I''ll refer to her as my aunt from here on) is willing to sell him the ring for only $2k more than he paid for the Blue Nile ring ($2k more than the BN ring is what my boyfriend has said is that max that he will pay for a ring). I realize that this may raise some eyebrows, because the specs between my aunt''s stone and my boyfriend''s stone differ so widely that $2k couldn''t possibly cover the difference between the two. The jewelers offered more for it, but she told my mom that she would be willing to sell her ring to my boyfriend at that price as a wedding present to me, because we are quite close.



I told my boyfriend about my aunt''s ring but even though the price that she''s giving him for it falls within what he has said he would pay for a ring (although it is the very max that he would pay), he does not want to buy it from her. It''s not technically an issue of money. Although he thinks that to pay thousands of dollars for a diamond is silly, he still feels that I deserve a nice engagement ring and is very happy to pay for one. I think he might feel hurt that I would rather have my aunt''s diamond than his (although he bought his ring knowing FULL WELL that I wanted something completely different, so it stands to reason that I wouldn''t be dancing jigs about his ring). He says that I should like my ring because HE researched it and HE picked it out and it''s ''HIS'' ring, and he doesn''t want me to have ''someone else''s ring.''



I need to know if I am being reasonable about wanting my aunt''s ring, or if I am just being a B

. Should I just leave it alone and be happy with his ring? Or is it ok for me to press him a little further about my aunt''s ring? Again, it''s not a money issue - he has said before that he would pay that much for a ring (although he would rather not), and he would not have to go into debt to pay for it either. He told me that he would buy my aunt''s ring if I REALLY REALLY wanted it (which I do) but he would rather I stick with his ring. So now I don''t know what to do. My aunt''s ring has such great specs and is such an unbelievable deal that I don''t want to pass it up, but I also don''t want to hurt his feelings (although I don''t think it would bother him for long). What would pricescope do??

So do you think he didn''t mean it when it said that??? I''m confused.

I am also super confused! Before the ring arrived, he did say that if I hated it, we could talk about getting something else. However, when it came, I DID like it which is why he thinks I should go with his ring rather than my aunt''s. I liked it - I didn''t LOVE it. The black inclusion did bother me, and I''m still not WILD about an RB. However, a 2 ct RB with great specs for only $2k more than a 1.5 with "just ok" specs would go a long way towards me LOVING an RB. I''m a girl - I''m a sucker for a sweet deal!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 10/24/2009 1:31:11 AM
Author: blueberrydot

Date: 10/24/2009 12:54:27 AM

Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl

Do you think he'd have the same reaction if you told him you wanted what you originally thought you wanted (sorry for the convoluted sentence). The radiant with trap sides? Because I see two possible scenarios here:



1) If he's not ok with you getting the radiant like you wanted, because the 1.5 round is HIS ring, etc. etc., then he's being selfish and overlooking what he knew you wanted to get you what HE wanted, you know?



2) On the other hand, if he's ok with you getting the radiant, he may just have a problem with the aunt's ring in particular. Like, the radiant's ok because in the end it's your preference and YOUR ring, but the aunt's ring is not, because it's not what you picked out - rather, someone else picked it out. Sorry if this is confusing - I think in this case, he'd be ok with your choice (the radiant) because he privileges what you picked out over what he picked out, but he doesn't feel the same way when it comes to a ring someone ELSE picked out.



Ok, I'm rambling so I'll stop, but I think it's one of those situations where it depends on what his motivations are for not wanting to accept the aunt's ring.

When it comes to the radiant cut, he hated the stone and setting I wanted on sight. If anyone is curious, here is a picture of something that was along the lines of what I wanted: radiant with trapezoids. He thought it was ugly and obnoxious looking and said that radiant cuts are not a great choice because they are not as sparkly as RB's, not as 'desirable', and would face up smaller than an RB would, and that's why he chose the RB instead of what I wanted. I had never seen a radiant cut in person, but I thought it looked lovely :/ I'm really not sure why he is soooo very adamant about HIS ring, because in general, he trusts my opinion and thinks I have good taste.

Honestly, it sounds like he's done a little research into diamonds, found that rounds faced up the biggest, and decided (ON HIS OWN) that rounds were the best diamonds out there and that's what he was going to get you. Maybe it comes from a good place (wanting his girl to have the best) but that place isn't taking into account your wants - only his. And that's selfish of him.

If I were you, I'd think long and hard and decide what YOU really want - factoring out your BF's preferences. Do you want the aunt's ring? Or do you want the radiant? And decide, sit him down, and have a long talk with him. Sure, this may just be a ring, but it's also emblematic of future decisions as a married couple - he shouldn't be able to decide on his own (on a decision that's about the couple) what's best for you - only you can do that.

Besides, YOU'RE the one wearing the ring for years and years....

ETA: And as you're deciding, go see a radiant! In fact, try to find a good jewelry store and see as many shapes as possible, and try them on. Go to Tiffanys if you have and try rings on.

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 10/24/2009 1:19:44 AM
Author: kenny
Quote: ''He told me that he would buy my aunt''s ring if I REALLY REALLY wanted it (which I do) but he would rather I stick with his ring.''


This is childish; what is he, a 9-year old?

It is as if he''s saying, ''Pick who you love more, your aunt or me. I dare ya to say your aunt. I double dar ya.''


If I were you, assuming I''d still want to marry a person who functions at this level, I''d take him up on HIS offer and get the aunt''s ring.


Then when he pouts - and he will - it''s on him.

He said you could have it.

If he didn''t want you to have it he shouldn''t have said you could.

He wants it both ways and is being passive aggressive.


He needs to stop playing games with you, grow up and stop sending contradictory messages.


He should grow some huevos and:

1. Say, ''I have already given your the engagement ring, period.''

OR

2. Say, ''Honey, which ever ring you want is fine with me, it''s your choice.''

Ditto everything Kenny has said..and I''m sorry to add,
but this sentence really disturbs me:

He thought it was ugly and obnoxious looking and said that radiant cuts are not a great choice because they are not as sparkly as RB''s, not as "desirable", and would face up smaller than an RB would, and that''s why he chose the RB instead of what I wanted.

For your FF to describe your dream ering as obnoxius and ugly? And who should the ring be "desirable" to, him or you - the wearer?!
It sounds as if he''s kind of done some pre-lim research and thinks he knows "what''s best", despite your preferences - sorry, but I''m not of the feeling that''s what buying an engagement ring should be about..
Wow - personally, I think your feelings are the ones that should be hurt, not his.

My advice? Don''t get the aunt''s ring. It''s a crap shoot. I know you are close and trust her, but without the GIA certificate and all the specs on the cut you have no idea what you''re getting into. Plus, size is not everything and it''s not worth creating further tension between you and your partner.
Let your aunt get the (supposed) more money she can elsewhere.

You need to go and look at and try on a whole bunch of rings and diamonds in person - its very different than looking at one photo on the net.
Find out do you really prefer the radiant to the RB? - does a 3 stone work on your finger, etc? I would do this without your partners involvement.

Than, if you find you do prefer it - take up your Fi on his original offer and ask to return the RB for a ring you truly love. Like Kenny mentioned, if he wasn''t genuine in this offer he shouldn''t have said it in the first place

On the other hand, you may discover you really prefer your RB - in which case you should keep it, enjoy it and leave it at that.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 10/24/2009 1:23:01 AM
Author: bgray

Date: 10/24/2009 1:13:50 AM
Author: blueberrydot

Date: 10/24/2009 12:53:09 AM

Author: bgray

i would not buy the 'aunts' ring--that whole situation sounds fishy. return the blue nile ring but i would buy a GIA or AGS certified stone from a reputable pricescope dealer.

I'm actually not too worried about it being fishy, for several reasons: First, I don't think she would ever, ever try to scam us. Second, we have the appraisal report from a GIA certified gemologist who is also a NAJA member (the appraisal was done last week). Third, my mom went with my aunt when she took the ring around to jewelers to see what they would offer her for the stone. She even took my aunt to her own jeweler, and she knows exactly how much the jewelers were willing to pay for it, because she was there when they made their offers. If there was something seriously wrong with the diamond, she would have known. Once we have it GIA graded we will know for sure, but for now, I doubt that anything fishy is going on

actually by fishy i dont mean fraudulent but i mean a 2 carat stone with a mediocre cut may not be a deal at all. the fact that the gemologist is 'GIA certified' is somewhat meaningless. to get an accurate value on the stone you need a legit certificate and all the stats of the stone. the stone could be worth far less than you realize, conversely it may be worth far more.........you dont have enough info to go by

Ditto, there could be a wide variation of possible values here and without a reliable lab report no way of knowing, you could end up paying far too much - but bear in mind it is usual to expect to recoup only around 30 - 50% of what was originally paid when trying to resell. So proceed with caution on the aunt's ring if that is what you want. Also we have no way of knowing how good the cut is without more info, ask an independant appraiser to get involved if you want to pursue this to be fair to both parties.

appraiser listing

 

[Collee]

Your answer lies in this statement:

“He says that I should like my ring because HE researched it and HE picked it out and it''s "HIS" ring, and he doesn''t want me to have "someone else''s ring."
What a generous offer your Aunt has made. However, I feel that you should politely decline. I don’t think you are being greedy, b*tchy or unreasonable by wanting to purchase your Aunt’s diamond but you really have to step back and view the situation from his point of view.

Although your boyfriend is not communicating his feelings effectively, I think his feelings and ego is hurt by the suggestion of buying your Aunt’s ring. Even though it is what you desire and what you will be wearing, he wants some ownership in the selection and decision making process as well. As you stated, the Aunt’s diamond is a partially a gift. Perhaps this is another factor that he is not content with. He might want sole “bragging” rights that he and only he purchased and it was his “blood, sweat and tears” that produced that ring. The feelings evoked from when you receive all the “oohs and aahs” about the ring is an ego booster and a “high five” for him on a job well done.

Since he is open to discussing a new ring, I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Explain that although you greatly appreciate the sentiment, the ring that he selected is not your dream ring. Suggest that the two of you research and browse together to find a ring that you BOTH will LOVE and CHERISH.

 

[brellymom]

Date: 10/24/2009 2:41:11 AM
Author: blueberrydot

Date: 10/24/2009 1:23:01 AM
Author: bgray

Date: 10/24/2009 1:13:50 AM

Author: blueberrydot

Date: 10/24/2009 12:53:09 AM


Author: bgray


i would not buy the ''aunts'' ring--that whole situation sounds fishy. return the blue nile ring but i would buy a GIA or AGS certified stone from a reputable pricescope dealer.

I''m actually not too worried about it being fishy, for several reasons: First, I don''t think she would ever, ever try to scam us. Second, we have the appraisal report from a GIA certified gemologist who is also a NAJA member (the appraisal was done last week). Third, my mom went with my aunt when she took the ring around to jewelers to see what they would offer her for the stone. She even took my aunt to her own jeweler, and she knows exactly how much the jewelers were willing to pay for it, because she was there when they made their offers. If there was something seriously wrong with the diamond, she would have known. Once we have it GIA graded we will know for sure, but for now, I doubt that anything fishy is going on

actually by fishy i dont mean fraudulent but i mean a 2 carat stone with a mediocre cut may not be a deal at all. the fact that the gemologist is ''GIA certified'' is somewhat meaningless. to get an accurate value on the stone you need a legit certificate and all the stats of the stone. the stone could be worth far less than you realize, conversely it may be worth far more.........you dont have enough info to go by

Oh, I see. Yes, I was initially worried about the cut as well, but the jeweler told my mom it could be recut into H&A without losing very much carat weight. Hopefully, this is true. We''re going to get the diamond GIA graded, because my boyfriend won''t buy it without a GIA report, and so we''ll know its true specs soon and if it can indeed be recut.

Maybe he is thinking, it’s $2K more to get the ring (and hopefully the quality is comparable) AND then who knows how much more to do an H&A recut? AND for a stone shape that you didn’t really want in the first place? I say if you like the one he got, stick with it, OR as others have recommended, go look at radiants and be sure that you really prefer them and then have that conversation, OR look at different settings for the one he got – you might find one with the bling of the one you selected that works with the stone he got you. Good luck and congrats on the engagement – 1.5 ct is no small stone to start out with (my first was .25 ct and I loved it – BUT I have gradually worked my way up to looking at 2.5 cts. I have been married 30 years – as long as you guys are up front with the real issues that are going on here, that there will be lots of opportunity over time to change a stone if you find one you prefer in a way that doesn’t cause hurt feelings now!)

 

[HVVS]

2.10 carat, good cut, VVS2 and either F or G

vs.

1.54 carat ideal cut, I color, SI1

My thoughts are, in no particular order:

The time frame for returning the Blue Nile ring is going to be the problem here. If you really don't like the BN ring, exchange or return it now, and sort out the other issues later.

E-rings are a gift, not an entitlement. So many women on here seem to think they are owed a big expensive something, but it's a gift. If you are not paying for it, or buying the guy a $10k engagement gift in return, then be careful about mouthing off too much. My 81-year-old mother, who comes from a feminist family, says that considering how today's marriages don't last very long, maybe the men should not even buy the woman a diamond e-ring until after it's proven that the marriage will last. If she is thinking that, then men surely must be. The US economy is in a state of decline. Maybe it's time to compromise a little, keep a little more money in your pockets, be practical, and realize that some trade-offs have to be made someplace. And that classic style may not be trendy or unusual, but also never winds up looking ridiculous a few years down the road. There *is* such a thing as a good-enough diamond.

The color difference from I to F or G would be something I'd notice and appreciate.

You can't get a 30-day turnaround from both GIA and the recut to find out just what kind of diamond you wind up with after remodeling the aunt's ring.

Good cut is just that. I would say, if you like the cut of the aunt's diamond as-is, the ring might be a good value. But factoring in the recut, you might not end up with a bigger diameter diamond than your 1.54ct, especially if it now has a big table and you want it cut down to a 55% or 56% table. I don't know how diamonds are cut but, to change angles and tables, they'd have to remove diamond b/x there is no way to Bondo some more diamond onto it. After a recut, you may get better color and clarity but not more size and performance than what you have now.

 

[dan76n]

If you dont like the ring he picked I suggest you tell him, return it and pick one together.
Do not get your auntys Diamond! If you do he will have to live with the fact that someone else (other than you) has a large amount of input into that diamond.
Just general conversation by your mother,Aunty or yourself explaining to others about the deal you got on the Diamond is stealing his thunder and he wont like it one bit.
The diamond is for you but its from him, not your Aunty.
You will regret it down the track if you get your auntys diamond, even if your Fiance says hes ok with it, he really isnt.
The only exception to this would be if the ring was from his family and handed down to him to then give to the love of his life.

 

[Circe]

te:[/b] 10/24/2009 9:23:10 AM
Author: brellymom

Maybe he is thinking, it’s $2K more to get the ring (and hopefully the quality is comparable) AND then who knows how much more to do an H&A recut? AND for a stone shape that you didn’t really want in the first place? [/quote]

Bingo to this, I say. Your future fiance is being generous, as are all people who buy expensive symbols of engagement, but ... at the end of the day, it''s going to be *your* money, collectively. Why on earth spend all of that on something you don''t love? He unilaterally decided the shape you loved was tacky and spent 3 whole days researching the issue to find an alternative: while he may be awesome in general, on this one, he sort of needs to meet you halfway. Your aunt''s ring may or may not be the answer (though, personally, I wouldn''t be able to resist a deal like that), but I think an round stone with a big inclusion that keeps catching your eye may not be the way to go. It sounds like it will bug you, so, either way, return the I and look around ... have your aunt''s stone appraised (after all, if you guys don''t buy it, that GIA appraisal will stand her in good stead reselling it), look at other options, but most of all, DON''T GET MAD AT ONE ANOTHER over this. Look at it as the first of many things you''ll have different opinions on - houses, where to send the kids to school, etc. - and figure out how you want to communicate about it.

 

[tina sparkle]

i have a problem with him thinking his taste regarding your engagement ring is more important than yours. you are the one who will be wearing it, he should have at least tried to get you the ring YOU wanted, or something similar, period.

 

[tyty333]

Date: 10/24/2009 10:54:25 AM
Author: tina sparkle
i have a problem with him thinking his taste regarding your engagement ring is more important than yours. you are the one who will be wearing it, he should have at least tried to get you the ring YOU wanted, or something similar, period.

+1 - I hate it when someone else thinks they know better for me and over ride my opinion.

I would either stick with what you have or return it and get a radiant. It would have been nice if your Aunt
would have offered him the stone before he bought one but I think now its just too much trouble to try
and get the aunts ring with it being uncertified and unsure about its cut...(and possibly having to have it cut).

But thats your call

.

 

[outatouch0]

Having just recently purchased an Ering for my FI I will throw my 2cents in. The order may be random here.
I researched diamonds for almost a year before making a purchase because it was THAT IMPORTANT. I believe it saved me from situations like this. Ultimately, I picked out her ring BUT my decisions were based upon knowing what she wanted along with what I was willing and able to pay. Thus "my ring" was/is a smashing success and we are both very very happy with it.
I guess my point in stating all that is this: I did not get lucky that she liked it - I did my homework and we, in a way, still DID IT TOGETHER. We went to A LOT of jewelry stores and tried on A LOT of jewelry TOGETHER.

My thoughts on your situation, based on what I believe you have said, are as follows:
1. "HIS" ring - he did it alone and you are not in love with it. That is too much money and too important an item for "just okay with it."

2. Aunt''s ring - a compromise, AT BEST, that ultimately neither of you will likely truly be happy with. Even more money on an important item that you will be a little more ok with and he in all likelihood will NOT be.
It also has huge connotations of outside/in-laws meddling. Time to stand by your man if you are going to marry him. A polite decline is called for here.

3. And probably most important: You two are in opposite camps on this right now and that is not okay beyond short term. Every couple will be in this condition over a great many things. What matters, on any issue, is how you un-circle your respective wagons and come together. Forget the ring for a minute and put the relationship at the forefront. Come together and then you two can decide together how to proceed on the ring.

My suggestion on the ring itself is to send it back and go pick one out together. How you get to that point is up to you and your FI. Just remember to put your relationship first. Ultimately the ring is just a material thing - albeit a VERY IMPORTANT ONE

 

[jstarfireb]

This is why I''m infinitely grateful that my husband knew me well enough to let me design my own ring. He put aside his own preferences for RB in a Tiffany setting and picked out a beautiful AGS ideal princess cut with me in a custom setting that I chose. Round diamonds are gorgeous - I have an AGS ideal H&A round in a pendant that I love. But that wasn''t what I had my heart set on for my engagement ring.

Your FI clearly put his preferences above yours - he knew exactly what you wanted, made some rude comments about it, and picked out something completely different. That in itself would have hurt me tremendously, no matter how beautiful the ring he picked out was.

If the ring is still in the return period, I would send it back to BN ASAP and pick out another one together. Forget the aunt''s ring (aside from cut quality being unknown, it''s still RB and still not what you wanted) and get the radiant that you really wanted. If he bought from BN already, that means he''s open to buying online, so I would talk to GOG or WF to find your perfect radiant. The single radiant that''s listed at GOG right now doesn''t "do it" for me, but I''m sure they could source a great one for you.

Pick out the new stone together as a symbol of the compromise and teamwork that your marriage will be built on.

 

[sba771]

Date: 10/24/2009 2:34:59 PM
Author: jstarfireb
This is why I''m infinitely grateful that my husband knew me well enough to let me design my own ring. He put aside his own preferences for RB in a Tiffany setting and picked out a beautiful AGS ideal princess cut with me in a custom setting that I chose. Round diamonds are gorgeous - I have an AGS ideal H&A round in a pendant that I love. But that wasn''t what I had my heart set on for my engagement ring.


Your FI clearly put his preferences above yours - he knew exactly what you wanted, made some rude comments about it, and picked out something completely different. That in itself would have hurt me tremendously, no matter how beautiful the ring he picked out was.


If the ring is still in the return period, I would send it back to BN ASAP and pick out another one together. Forget the aunt''s ring (aside from cut quality being unknown, it''s still RB and still not what you wanted) and get the radiant that you really wanted. If he bought from BN already, that means he''s open to buying online, so I would talk to GOG or WF to find your perfect radiant. The single radiant that''s listed at GOG right now doesn''t ''do it'' for me, but I''m sure they could source a great one for you.


Pick out the new stone together as a symbol of the compromise and teamwork that your marriage will be built on.

I just wanted to say I agree with Jstar entirely and that she put it extremely well. My ring was also all about compromise. I really wanted an emerald cut, wasn''t dead set on it though, but I was dead set on the setting. Through lots of talking and looking at rings together, the FI and I compromised on an RB (he had some really nice and special meaning behind why circular objects meant a lot to him due to his martial arts practices) in the EXACT setting I was in love with, so it was the perfect blend of us as a couple because that is what it is all about in the end- you coming together.