need to rant about my older daughter''s spending habit...

[JulieN]

what a baby.

I'm 23, just graduated. My parents are 1st gen Asian immigrants. They would NEVER put up with this from me, and I wouldn't dream of asking them for money. I probably gross $1300/month.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 7/21/2009 1:54:46 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 1:37:19 AM
Author: FrekeChild
What are you going to do with the credit card?

i told her i''m gonna cancel her CC. she said...o.k. while she was weeping.

Good for you DF. How do you feel?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 1:59:49 AM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 7/21/2009 1:54:46 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 1:37:19 AM
Author: FrekeChild
What are you going to do with the credit card?

i told her i''m gonna cancel her CC. she said...o.k. while she was weeping.

Good for you DF. How do you feel?

i feel bad,but i had to do it.

 

[JulieN]

good job, DF.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 7/21/2009 2:09:58 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
i feel bad,but i had to do it.

(((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

It''s better for her in the long run. Believe me.

(It is nice to know that you do feel bad about it. Whenever my parents were disciplining me as a child, I always thought they got enjoyment out of it. Now that I''m older, I know better, but seeing as how I''m not a parent, I don''t know KNOW. If that makes sense.)

 

[swingirl]

Date: 7/21/2009 2:09:58 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 1:59:49 AM

Author: FrekeChild

Date: 7/21/2009 1:54:46 AM

Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 1:37:19 AM

Author: FrekeChild

What are you going to do with the credit card?

i told her i'm gonna cancel her CC. she said...o.k. while she was weeping.

Good for you DF. How do you feel?

i feel bad,but i had to do it.

Good for you. She'll be fine. I bet she's going to take real good care of her new Coach bag cuz her next purse will be coming from TJ Maxx. (there's one in San Jose

)

 

[Lorelei]

Whine Baby Pee Pants. That''s my name for people like that, b/c that''s what they are. They won''t learn until you take control of the situation, and if you don''t want to put your foot down, then be prepared.

OMG, I NEEDED a good laugh!!!!!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/21/2009 1:30:49 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
just had a talk with her over the phone,she was weeping. i told her it was for her own good and she'll understand what i mean when she gets older. i told her she can keep one handbag for herself and one for her mommy and return the other two.

And she is CRYING???

If someone paid for a nice handbag for me out of their own money I would be SMILING not CRYING.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 7/21/2009 6:37:01 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 7/21/2009 1:30:49 AM

Author: Dancing Fire

just had a talk with her over the phone,she was weeping. i told her it was for her own good and she''ll understand what i mean when she gets older. i told her she can keep one handbag for herself and one for her mommy and return the other two.

And she is CRYING???

If someone paid for a nice handbag for me out of their own money I would be SMILING not CRYING.

she had to give it the old college try with the tears

...she probably said DAMMIT it didn''t work when she finished the call

 

[atroop711]

Date: 7/21/2009 2:09:58 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 1:59:49 AM

Author: FrekeChild

Date: 7/21/2009 1:54:46 AM

Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 1:37:19 AM

Author: FrekeChild

What are you going to do with the credit card?

i told her i''m gonna cancel her CC. she said...o.k. while she was weeping.

Good for you DF. How do you feel?

i feel bad,but i had to do it.

I know you feel bad but you made the right decision. They don''t call it tough love for nothing. As a young adult she needs to know that she has to count on herself and has to be responsible for her financial choices. I''ve been on my own since 19yr (came from a poor family) so I learned rather quick what my parents meant about not abusing the little you have.

GL and I think you did the right thing

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/21/2009 7:14:15 AM
Author: atroop711

Date: 7/21/2009 6:37:01 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 7/21/2009 1:30:49 AM

Author: Dancing Fire

just had a talk with her over the phone,she was weeping. i told her it was for her own good and she''ll understand what i mean when she gets older. i told her she can keep one handbag for herself and one for her mommy and return the other two.

And she is CRYING???

If someone paid for a nice handbag for me out of their own money I would be SMILING not CRYING.

she had to give it the old college try with the tears

...she probably said DAMMIT it didn''t work when she finished the call

Yep!

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 7/21/2009 7:14:15 AM
Author: atroop711

Date: 7/21/2009 6:37:01 AM

Author: Lorelei

Date: 7/21/2009 1:30:49 AM


Author: Dancing Fire


just had a talk with her over the phone,she was weeping. i told her it was for her own good and she''ll understand what i mean when she gets older. i told her she can keep one handbag for herself and one for her mommy and return the other two.

And she is CRYING???

If someone paid for a nice handbag for me out of their own money I would be SMILING not CRYING.

she had to give it the old college try with the tears

...she probably said DAMMIT it didn''t work when she finished the call

That''s what I was thinking.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 7:19:37 AM
Author: atroop711



I know you feel bad but you made the right decision. They don't call it tough love for nothing. As a young adult she needs to know that she has to count on herself and has to be responsible for her financial choices. I've been on my own since 19yr (came from a poor family) so I learned rather quick what my parents meant about not abusing the little you have.

GL and I think you did the right thing

i told her that i would be doing her more harm than good if i kept on paying her bills and you'll realize in the future that daddy did the right move by cutting you off financially.

she should be able to survive since she has no student loans or car payments.

 

[TravelingGal]

You should have made her return all 4 bags. Your daughter needs tougher lessons than what you are giving her.

 

[movie zombie]

good work, DF! now you really have to walk the talk because she will test you with emergencies....which she has to learn to put aside $ for.

mz
ps any loans for any "emergency" need to be paid back with interest [a lower rate, of course]./

 

[TravelingGal]

And btw DF, don''t even THINK about not moving forward and cancelling that card. If you don''t follow through, you will be continuing to create a monster. If you want your daughter to get married someday, help grow her into a person that some man will actually want to marry. Excessive shopping and absolute lack of control when it comes to finances is an extremely undesirable characteristic in a mate.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 7/21/2009 11:58:21 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 7:19:37 AM

Author: atroop711





I know you feel bad but you made the right decision. They don''t call it tough love for nothing. As a young adult she needs to know that she has to count on herself and has to be responsible for her financial choices. I''ve been on my own since 19yr (came from a poor family) so I learned rather quick what my parents meant about not abusing the little you have.


GL and I think you did the right thing

i told her that i would be doing her more harm than good if i kept on paying her bills and you''ll realize in the future that daddy did the right move by cutting you off financially.


she should be able to survive since she has no student loans or car payments.

she''s realize it in the future that what you are doing is best for her. It''s all because you love her

 

[packrat]

Good going DF! Now make sure to follow thru and stick to your guns! How does wife feel about it?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:06:09 PM
Author: TravelingGal
And btw DF, don''t even THINK about not moving forward and cancelling that card. If you don''t follow through, you will be continuing to create a monster. If you want your daughter to get married someday, help grow her into a person that some man will actually want to marry. Excessive shopping and absolute lack of control when it comes to finances is an extremely undesirable characteristic in a mate.

said she haven''t gotten pay yet,so i told her i''ll be cancelling her CC on Aug 1 in case she needs food and gas.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:19:26 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 12:06:09 PM
Author: TravelingGal
And btw DF, don''t even THINK about not moving forward and cancelling that card. If you don''t follow through, you will be continuing to create a monster. If you want your daughter to get married someday, help grow her into a person that some man will actually want to marry. Excessive shopping and absolute lack of control when it comes to finances is an extremely undesirable characteristic in a mate.

said she haven''t gotten pay yet,so i told her i''ll be cancelling her CC on Aug 1 in case she needs food and gas.

DF, cancel now for pete''s sake. If you have to, give her a bit of cash to get her through til the first. But strike while the iron is hot. She makes enough money where she can afford food and gas - at least she would be able to if she weren''t so irresponsible with her purchasing.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:15:05 PM
Author: packrat
Good going DF! Now make sure to follow thru and stick to your guns! How does wife feel about it?

i don''t know.we haven''t really talk about it yet,but wife was just as guilty as i was and would never had the heart to cut DD off.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:21:39 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 7/21/2009 12:19:26 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 12:06:09 PM
Author: TravelingGal
And btw DF, don''t even THINK about not moving forward and cancelling that card. If you don''t follow through, you will be continuing to create a monster. If you want your daughter to get married someday, help grow her into a person that some man will actually want to marry. Excessive shopping and absolute lack of control when it comes to finances is an extremely undesirable characteristic in a mate.

said she haven''t gotten pay yet,so i told her i''ll be cancelling her CC on Aug 1 in case she needs food and gas.

DF, cancel now for pete''s sake. If you have to, give her a bit of cash to get her through til the first. But strike while the iron is hot. She makes enough money where she can afford food and gas - at least she would be able to if she weren''t so irresponsible with her purchasing.

she will be getting her first pay check on July 31,so i told her Aug 1

 

[HollyS]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:04:00 PM
Author: TravelingGal
You should have made her return all 4 bags. Your daughter needs tougher lessons than what you are giving her.

Agreed.

She knew crying would work somehow. And it did.

DF doesn''t want to be the bad guy. Mama refuses to do the dirty deed. Guess who figured out how to play them a looooong time ago? She earned her degree in psychology years before she got the sheepskin.

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:46:42 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 12:21:39 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 7/21/2009 12:19:26 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/21/2009 12:06:09 PM
Author: TravelingGal
And btw DF, don''t even THINK about not moving forward and cancelling that card. If you don''t follow through, you will be continuing to create a monster. If you want your daughter to get married someday, help grow her into a person that some man will actually want to marry. Excessive shopping and absolute lack of control when it comes to finances is an extremely undesirable characteristic in a mate.

said she haven''t gotten pay yet,so i told her i''ll be cancelling her CC on Aug 1 in case she needs food and gas.

DF, cancel now for pete''s sake. If you have to, give her a bit of cash to get her through til the first. But strike while the iron is hot. She makes enough money where she can afford food and gas - at least she would be able to if she weren''t so irresponsible with her purchasing.

she will be getting her first pay check on July 31,so i told her Aug 1

Okay, DF...I don''t normally chime in on this because I think you enable her and you just want to whine about her bad habits, but it looks like you''re trying to actually do the right thing now, so I do want to comment on this.

Cancel the card. Have her cut it to pieces. But if you''re really worried about her getting through, send her a check. One last gift from Daddy to take care of her. Then if she runs out in the next 10 days, that''s on her. But you''ll have done your best, and if she runs out and buys more purses and can''t afford food, well, she can be hungry for a little while. Until she gets her habits under control, cash is best precisely because it runs out. I''d even reccomend that she pay for everything in cash (as in counting out the dollars, not a debit card) because it really makes you focus on what you''re spending and where your limit is. I''m doing that now because my habits weren''t the best before, and I''m paying for it. And you know what my parents are doing? Watching me pay for it. No help. No bailing me out. You can do the same for your daughter and in a few years when she has this under control, she will be so proud of herself, and several years after that she''ll realize that she should probably thank you for this lesson.

And who knows? A few years after that, she might actually thank you.

 

[ksinger]

Date: 7/21/2009 1:12:16 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 7/21/2009 12:04:00 PM
Author: TravelingGal
You should have made her return all 4 bags. Your daughter needs tougher lessons than what you are giving her.

Agreed.

She knew crying would work somehow. And it did.

DF doesn''t want to be the bad guy. Mama refuses to do the dirty deed. Guess who figured out how to play them a looooong time ago? She earned her degree in psychology years before she got the sheepskin.

Yep. And that''s what happens when you bring your own emotional needs to the parenting table. You end up working out of those rather than what is best for your child. They want to be LIKED. Since when was being liked in the job description for a parent??
I''d have more sympathy for DF if he was not such a tough talker about sucking it up and letting people fall on their faces when they make bad choices.
He needs to first apply his own advice to himself and be a real parent and do the tough work, and then he needs to step back and let his daughter learn the tough lessons that he advocates for everyone else.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 2:02:32 PM
Author: ksinger


I''d have more sympathy for DF if he was not such a tough talker about sucking it up and letting people fall on their faces when they make bad choices.
He needs to first apply his own advice to himself and be a real parent and do the tough work, and then he needs to step back and let his daughter learn the tough lessons that he advocates for everyone else.

Ksinger
i had already forgiven you about the choice you made last Nov.

 

[VRBeauty]

BTW, DF:

How are your younger daughter''s spending habits shaping up?

 

[Ellen]

DF, I don''t care what some are saying, I''m terribly proud of you.


You actually started a real thread that''s lasted 5 whole pages!

 

[DiamanteBlu]

DF - you did the right thing.

 

[Mara]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:06:09 PM
Author: TravelingGal
And btw DF, don't even THINK about not moving forward and cancelling that card. If you don't follow through, you will be continuing to create a monster. If you want your daughter to get married someday, help grow her into a person that some man will actually want to marry. Excessive shopping and absolute lack of control when it comes to finances is an extremely undesirable characteristic in a mate.

Thritto. The only way that you can unlearn bad credit usage habits (and I speak from experience) is to have to actually take responsibility for all your own mistakes yourself. I actually had too much pride to ask my parents for help and I'm glad I did. Now I am super protective of my credit and my score and it's because I had to WORK through my early 20's to fix it myself and it sucked and I hated it and I was upset for even putting myself in that position.

On the opposite side my old roommate had parents like you guys and they would just fix her mistakes for her, pay off her cards and she'd just charge them up again. She got married and now I imagine her husband is filling that role for her...and I'm sure he just LOVES it.

Your daughter has to learn she can survive on her own (and that might mean wondering where food and gas comes from for a week or two while she stares at her purse). Good luck with the lessons..!