need to rant about my older daughter''s spending habit...

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/20/2009 10:16:41 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 7/20/2009 9:38:51 AM
Author: neatfreak
It''s simple.

If she already has 2 Coach and a D&B bag then she doesn''t need more, thank goodness she hasn''t discovered Hermes or you would be REALLY mad....

her CC doesn''t have that kind of limit. i requested a $500 limit (that was the min) on her CC when she was in college. i think its up to $2200 now.

 

[Skippy123]

I think she needs some tough love DancingFire, you are hurting her in the long run by allowing this to keep going on. She told you all about it; now is your time to sit her down and actually do something about it.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/20/2009 10:37:48 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 10:16:41 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 7/20/2009 9:38:51 AM
Author: neatfreak
It''s simple.

If she already has 2 Coach and a D&B bag then she doesn''t need more, thank goodness she hasn''t discovered Hermes or you would be REALLY mad....

her CC doesn''t have that kind of limit. i requested a $500 limit (that was the min) on her CC when she was in college. i think its up to $2200 now.

Thats a relief!

 

[tigian]

Hi DF,
My younger sister was provided with my parents cc throughout college and even her first years of work. While it seemed generous, it really stunted her maturity and understanding of money and its worth. She didn''t correlate that someone was having to work to pay off the cc bills. To this day, she wishes my parents hadn''t enabled her and she regrets how carelessly she spent their money. I have a feeling your DD will be like this in a few years. I think you would be doing her a favor by seriously sitting her down and explaining that she has a job and she should be putting a percentage in savings for emergencies and she should pay for her extras with her own hard-earned money. (Not yours) She can probably afford to pay for her own gas as well.
It must be sooooooo difficult to be a parent and I understand that you want to take care of her. By saying she bought a purse for her sister and mother is taking advantage of you and your generosity and she is making herself feel less greedy. Sorry DF to be so blunt, but I really can relate to your frustration.

 

[TravelingGal]

C''mon DF, are ya trolling? If this is true, your daughter is highly irresponsible and you''re not helping her.

 

[sba771]

I was at the coach store a few times and used my CC that was connected to my mom''s account, but the difference is I actually called my mom first and said ''mom, you mentioned you wanted a new bag in white. I found one for xxx. Should I get it for you?" She then said sure and I bought 1 for her and her alone. I still have a CC connected to her and the credit limit is 50k+...I am your daughter''s age and have not used my mom''s card for over 2 years. It can be done. I really really wanted a burberry trench so I saved up for 8 months and after all my responsibilities were taken care of, then I treated myself. Your daughter would be annoyed at first, but after a few months on her own she will realize how amazing it feels to really earn what you have.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 7/20/2009 11:32:35 AM
Author: TravelingGal
C''mon DF, are ya trolling? If this is true, your daughter is highly irresponsible and you''re not helping her.

That''s what I was thinking, too...DF likes to post inflammatory stuff

 

[packrat]

I''m quite certain you KNOW what you need to do DF, and you''ve known for a long time, you just can''t bring yourself to do it, and you''re hoping someone here will validate you.

Never in a million years would I have ever even attempted something like what your daughter pulls on you-b/c my parents wouldn''t have ALLOWED it. And, I had (still have) a great deal of RESPECT for my parents.

 

[swingirl]

Will you post photos so we can see if she got good deals??

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/20/2009 11:32:35 AM
Author: TravelingGal
C''mon DF, are ya trolling? If this is true, your daughter is highly irresponsible and you''re not helping her.

wish i was

i made a comment about how beat up her 2001 Civic was,then she said...you wanna buy me a new BMW?

i said...nope,i bought you that car when you were 16 yrs old and that''s the only car that i''ll ever buy you,so don''t expect daddy to buy you another car !!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Wait... She''s using your CC for gas?? And she''s employed? Like.. a "big-person" job, not just a teeny-bopper mall-store or burger-flipping job? Why isn''t she paying for her own gas?! Eeeep... Cut the ties. That''s all I need to say.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/20/2009 12:48:00 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 11:32:35 AM
Author: TravelingGal
C''mon DF, are ya trolling? If this is true, your daughter is highly irresponsible and you''re not helping her.

wish i was

i made a comment about how beat up her 2001 Civic was,then she said...you wanna buy me a new BMW?

i said...nope,i bought you that car when you were 16 yrs old and that''s the only car that i''ll ever buy you,so don''t expect daddy to buy you another car !!

In that case DF, let me take Linda''s granny bat and smack you.

 

[Amethyste]

If the limit was $500, i don''t know why its up to $2,200 now without Someone with "power" to have authorized the credit increase.

I think you are feeding the fire... It you want it to die down, you need to pour some water over it.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:00:51 PM
Author: Amethyste
If the limit was $500, i don''t know why its up to $2,200 now without Someone with ''power'' to have authorized the credit increase.

I think you are feeding the fire... It you want it to die down, you need to pour some water over it.

And it''s so EASY to do. Scissors are cheap. *snip snip*

 

[Efe]

Two step process:

Step 1 - freeze credit card.
Step 2 - Find a spine donor for daddy.

This has gone on long enough.

 

[Amethyste]

Or... just cancel the card, and when she is using it, it will say "declined" and look quite out of sorts. trust me, she''ll learn fast... ( i know its cruel, but at that moment, she''ll really learn the "need" VS "wants" )

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/20/2009 12:06:42 PM
Author: swingirl
Will you post photos so we can see if she got good deals??

no photos.she live/works out of town now. all i know is she when to the Coach Outlet in Gilroy,Ca. ??

where she bought these handbags.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:00:51 PM
Author: Amethyste
If the limit was $500, i don''t know why its up to $2,200 now without Someone with ''power'' to have authorized the credit increase.


I think you are feeding the fire... It you want it to die down, you need to pour some water over it.

you don''t need the one in charge to authorize the credit increase...they just increase it THEN send you a letter to inform you. That''s been our experience

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/20/2009 12:54:10 PM
Author: PilsnPinkysMom
Wait... She''s using your CC for gas?? And she''s employed? Like.. a ''big-person'' job, not just a teeny-bopper mall-store or burger-flipping job? Why isn''t she paying for her own gas?! Eeeep... Cut the ties. That''s all I need to say.

she just started her new job working for the State,not a high paying job,but still a job.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:16:35 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 12:54:10 PM

Author: PilsnPinkysMom

Wait... She''s using your CC for gas?? And she''s employed? Like.. a ''big-person'' job, not just a teeny-bopper mall-store or burger-flipping job? Why isn''t she paying for her own gas?! Eeeep... Cut the ties. That''s all I need to say.

she just started her new job working for the State,not a high paying job,but still a job.

DF I completely understand and agree with wanting to help your kids out. When I left home at 19yr, my parents helped out where they could since my job with the state wasn''t paying that much. I''m all for helping your family out.

 

[Amethyste]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:18:34 PM
Author: atroop711

Date: 7/20/2009 1:16:35 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 12:54:10 PM

Author: PilsnPinkysMom

Wait... She''s using your CC for gas?? And she''s employed? Like.. a ''big-person'' job, not just a teeny-bopper mall-store or burger-flipping job? Why isn''t she paying for her own gas?! Eeeep... Cut the ties. That''s all I need to say.

she just started her new job working for the State,not a high paying job,but still a job.

DF I completely understand and agree with wanting to help your kids out. When I left home at 19yr, my parents helped out where they could since my job with the state wasn''t paying that much. I''m all for helping your family out.

I understand you guys wanting to help out your kids and there is nothing wrong with that. In this situation here, there is the difference between her needing ''help'' and abusing the card for things that are non-essentials like purses etc. even if they increase the limit themselves and receive a letter telling you that it happened, you are still notified and are aware they did so. In DF''s place, i think its time to pull away the card, have a serious talk with the daughter or find a way to help when there is really the need to.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/20/2009 9:38:51 AM
Author: neatfreak
It''s simple. CANCEL HER FREAKING CARD ALREADY!

i will !! as soon as she gets a CC under her own name.

 

[AprilBaby]

One word: ENABLER

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:27:18 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 9:38:51 AM

Author: neatfreak

It''s simple. CANCEL HER FREAKING CARD ALREADY!

i will !! as soon as she gets a CC under her own name.

Obviously it''s your decision, but - why not cancel it NOW?

A credit card is NOT an essential. She can learn to manage without it. In fact, doing so might be the best financial lesson you could ever give her.

I spent years watching my parents feed my sister''s hopeless money habits. Until they finally wised up and stopped enabling her. Now she''s great with money because she finally realises its value.

 

[packrat]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:27:18 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 9:38:51 AM

Author: neatfreak

It''s simple. CANCEL HER FREAKING CARD ALREADY!

i will !! as soon as she gets a CC under her own name.

And she''ll do this because....why? You told her to? And she''ll magically morph into a responsible person when she has a card in her own name because...why? You taught her to be that way? You didn''t, so...my guess is she''ll go out and buy stuff for "mom and sister" and then have a maxed out card and cry to daddy and daddy will pay it.

I understand wanting to help your kids too..my parents have helped us. But, my parents didn''t help us by buying us a bunch of SHIT WE DID NOT NEED. They helped us when the JOBS we were working slashed hours and it was either, the kids starve, or we go on welfare. There''s such a difference there as to be comical. There''s a difference between a concerned parent helping and a parent who can''t say no and is a doormat.

 

[upgrade]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:27:18 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 9:38:51 AM
Author: neatfreak
It''s simple. CANCEL HER FREAKING CARD ALREADY!

i will !! as soon as she gets a CC under her own name.

Are you nuts DF? She''ll never get her own card if she knows that it''ll cost her yours! And she knows nothing about financial responsibility it seems, so I highly doubt she''ll use the card for appropriate purchases. Your next call will be from her in tears to say "Daddy I need help- I racked up my CC and the bill collectors are calling." And I bet you''ll send cash. If you REALLY want to help her, to do the right thing for her, not the thing that makes you feel good, you''ll cancel the card immediately. If you really want to help her with gas, get her prepaid gas cards or gift certificates that she can''t use for anything but gas station purchases. She needs to learn to be a big girl now. You aren''t helping her by bailing her out all the time- you''re simply making yourself feel better and contributing to turning her into an irresponsible adult with a sense of entitlement and no concept of the value of money. Think of the man who is going to marry this girl someday- he has his work cut out for him! She better marry rich!

I have a friend just like this- she''s 25, working and still has her parents CC. She spends like CRAZY because even though she *knows* it''s wrong, she also knows Daddy won''t say no to his little princess and her greediness overrules her sense of right and wrong. Don''t do this to your daughter DF- you know better.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

At least she bought them on sale!!!

 

[Haven]

This gravy train has got to come to a stop right now.

You are teaching your daughter to be an irresponsible consumer. You are teaching her that her poor spending decisions do not have negative consequences. If this continues she will end up living a lifestyle that she cannot afford, and she'll have much bigger problems than calling you up to sheepishly admit that she bought four Coach handbags.

She is speeding toward a world of pain, and you are greasing the tracks.

The best thing you can do for her is to cancel the card, and share some personal finance tools with her--Dave Ramsay, David Bach books, maybe a good budgeting website, something.

You are a really big part of the problem right now. Stop posting about it on PS and help your daughter.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:27:18 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 9:38:51 AM
Author: neatfreak
It's simple. CANCEL HER FREAKING CARD ALREADY!

i will !! as soon as she gets a CC under her own name.

When will this be? Cut her off on this card NOW, she has proved she isn't responsible IMO, then she pays cash or uses a debit card. Arrange for her to have a prepaid CC if you feel you want to help her and take back control of YOUR money DF, sorry buying 4 Coach handbags with money which does not belong to her shows she is not responsible. AND she knows it, that is why she called you in the first place to try to justify it....

It will get worse, mark my words if you don't do anything....

 

[Abril]

I think you need to teach her these Sheryl Crow lyrics (Soak up the Sun):

It''s not having what you want
It''s wanting what you''ve got

More than just teaching her. She has to put these words into practice.