need to rant about my older daughter''s spending habit...

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:55:33 PM
Author: LilyKat

Date: 7/20/2009 1:27:18 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 9:38:51 AM

Author: neatfreak

It''s simple. CANCEL HER FREAKING CARD ALREADY!

i will !! as soon as she gets a CC under her own name.

Obviously it''s your decision, but - why not cancel it NOW?

A credit card is NOT an essential. She can learn to manage without it. In fact, doing so might be the best financial lesson you could ever give her.

I spent years watching my parents feed my sister''s hopeless money habits. Until they finally wised up and stopped enabling her. Now she''s great with money because she finally realises its value.

just in case she needs a emergency car repair or something in that nature.

 

[that_someone_special]

So she gets the car repair and you give her cash. If she spends the cash, she doesn''t get her car back

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/20/2009 2:04:06 PM
Author: MC
At least she bought them on sale!!!

 

[that_someone_special]

ooops

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/20/2009 2:38:00 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 1:55:33 PM
Author: LilyKat

Date: 7/20/2009 1:27:18 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 9:38:51 AM

Author: neatfreak

It's simple. CANCEL HER FREAKING CARD ALREADY!

i will !! as soon as she gets a CC under her own name.

Obviously it's your decision, but - why not cancel it NOW?

A credit card is NOT an essential. She can learn to manage without it. In fact, doing so might be the best financial lesson you could ever give her.

I spent years watching my parents feed my sister's hopeless money habits. Until they finally wised up and stopped enabling her. Now she's great with money because she finally realises its value.

just in case she needs a emergency car repair or something in that nature.

But the rate she is going there won't be anything left on the card for an emergency car repair, tyres and so forth which is why she has the card in the first place.

Apply for a prepaid card now or one with a lower limit you set, as soon as it comes cut her off on yours and give her the new one. If she goes over her budget on fripperies, then like the rest of us she will have to learn and learn the hard way.

Dad, you need to get tough. My Father was firm with me and made me accountable for my mistakes, I learned and sometimes the hard way and as a result I am good with money, careful and I budget for the things I want. We are very comfortable now that I do have a nice amount to spend on myself but budgeting skills are ones I am very glad to have and I stretch my money out and do a lot with it, I couldn't do so without learning how to handle money and its thanks to my Father that I did.

 

[packrat]

S-A-V-I-N-G-S A-C-C-O-U-N-T

Dude, the chances of her needing an emergency car repair *right now this very second* are pretty slim, and she should be able to sock money away for a rainy day.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 7/20/2009 5:43:08 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 7/20/2009 3:36:27 AM
Author: LilyKat
Stop giving her your credit card.

If she has the details, take out a new one and don''t give them to her.

Problem solved. Spolied brat averted.

Ditto!

I agree! You can''t be too mad at your daughter when you enable her by giving her a cc.

 

[Loves Vintage]

If emergency car repair is needed, and she does not have the cash to pay for it, the car repair shop can call you and you can give them your card number over the phone for that one specific transaction only.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 7/20/2009 2:38:00 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
just in case she needs a emergency car repair or something in that nature.

Can''t she call a taxi, AAA or a friend if her car breaks down? If the CC is maxed out, it won''t help her anyways!

 

[upgrade]

Date: 7/20/2009 2:38:00 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
just in case she needs a emergency car repair or something in that nature.

Excuses, excuses... admit it- you don''t want to be the bad guy and you don''t want her to be mad at you. There are other ways to handle an emergency without giving her a credit card. Besides- it''s a 2001 Honda- what are the chances?

 

[HollyS]

And why would you continue to pay her credit card rack-ups?

She owes you money - - today - - for those purchases, or you need to transfer the balance to a CC she doesn''t have, and close the account.

C''mon. I expect better of you than to put up with that. I know you taught her the value of money, and she still spent it because she knows you''ll pay. So stop paying.

 

[jewelerman]

Cancel the credit card now.If she hasnt applied for one then she will when yours is declined.Shes taking advantage of you and you both know it!She needs to build up her own credit and start being financially independant.You are doing her a huge dis-service by allowing her to feed off your card.She will never understand the value of money,appreciate you fully, or appreciate the ownership of nice things until she has to earn her way in the adult world.Good luck!

 

[Amethyste]

Date: 7/20/2009 2:38:00 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 1:55:33 PM
Author: LilyKat

Date: 7/20/2009 1:27:18 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 9:38:51 AM

Author: neatfreak

It''s simple. CANCEL HER FREAKING CARD ALREADY!

i will !! as soon as she gets a CC under her own name.

Obviously it''s your decision, but - why not cancel it NOW?

A credit card is NOT an essential. She can learn to manage without it. In fact, doing so might be the best financial lesson you could ever give her.

I spent years watching my parents feed my sister''s hopeless money habits. Until they finally wised up and stopped enabling her. Now she''s great with money because she finally realises its value.

just in case she needs a emergency car repair or something in that nature.

Seems to me that you are enjoying feeding us with answers that in return, will make us want to scream at you by saying: "ARE YOU CRAZY???" lol.

99.9% of the people her have mentionned to you that you should cut off her CC. I am sure if there EVER WAS A REAL emergency, you''d step in to help, other than that, she is on her own and should try her best to start managing HER money, not yours!

 

[that_someone_special]

I would like to apply for the position of Eldest Daughter... I hear you have an opening...

 

[swingirl]

Cancel the credit card and let her get an ATM card on her own bank account. An ATM card can be used for everything a CC can, but when the money''s gone, it''s gone.

Explain to DD the difference between needs and wants. Even Coach purses on sale at the outlet are still just "wants".

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 7/20/2009 12:06:42 PM
Author: swingirl
Will you post photos so we can see if she got good deals??

Thanks, swingirl. That provided the chuckle I needed to help me face the next Monday morning crisis!

DF: It's time for you to pull on your big boy pants and cut DD's lifeline. Of course you'll be there if there is a real emergency, but there is no reason for you to be paying her expenses now that she has a job.

Isn't this the second time she's bought "gifts" for others using Daddy's money?

(BTW is she living with you and DW?)

 

[crystalheart1]

One of the things that my parents did/did not do for me was let me learn responsibility on my own.

I started to babysit at 13 and got my first real paying job at the shore when I was 14.

I took pride in earning money and being able to pay for things myself. It is a great character builder.
I know how to manage money, and have nice things without any debt.

You are doing more harm than good at this point.

My boys also worked at a young age and very rarely asked me for anything extra.

I guess it is never too late, but this should stop. What you have know, is something that YOU have created...

hopefully you will listen to all this great advice.. IF not, ..... well...shame on you.

Maybe some finance therapy from a third party?

 

[FrekeChild]

Charge her interest. She said she''d pay you back, tell her she owes you double of everything that ISN''T an emergency/necessary purchase.

I have a copy of my dad''s credit card (doesn''t have my name on it, it''s got his) and the only time I would even be tempted to use it (as well as when I''m supposed to use it) is for necessities, including gas, medical stuff (doctor appts, medication, insurance) and wedding expenses. He holds me accountable for every single purchase I make on there, and I''m not going to abuse her generosity.

Then again I''m 27, and a student. So the situation is different.

But really DF, I''d type up an invoice and send it to her in the mail with double the price of the purses, unless she decides to return them, in which case, it would be void.

 

[purrfectpear]

DF''s lip''s are flappin'' but he ain''t walkin his talk

First of all, she doesn''t need your CC for "emergency repairs". Nothing that requires a CC is going to get done in seconds rather than hours anyway. If it''s real, she can phone you from the gas station and you can give them your CC info over the phone.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/20/2009 4:45:05 PM
Author: purrfectpear
DF''s lip''s are flappin'' but he ain''t walkin his talk

First of all, she doesn''t need your CC for ''emergency repairs''. Nothing that requires a CC is going to get done in seconds rather than hours anyway. If it''s real, she can phone you from the gas station and you can give them your CC info over the phone.

 

[tlh]

DH- if there is an auto emergency or something of the like, she can call you... and you can talk to the vendor... and give them the ccard #, exp date and the magic # on the back, and emergency taken care of. If she doesn''t have a ccard, and has to get one on her own, she''ll figure out things quick, otherwise YOU ARE ENABLING HER.

Never feed a stray cat, once they figure out where there is food, they''ll keep coming around... and bring friends...

 

[decodelighted]

I didn''t read the whole thread but if Car Emergencies are your main reason for her having the card ... why not just get her an AAA card? For, like, $70 a year she''ll have roadside assistance & they''ll tow her car & take her somewhere safe.

Re: the purses ... if the understanding was that the card was only to be used for gas or emergencies then CONFISCATE the purses IMMEDIATELY. Return them for credit back to the card. If she has cash in hand of her own making then she can just sashay back to that store AGAIN and buy whatever she likes.

YOU ARE NOT THE PURSE PROVIDER.

She''s going to keep exploiting you and humiliating you and laughing about it until you stop letting her. Seriously, grow a pair!

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 7/20/2009 5:22:03 PM
Author: decodelighted
I didn''t read the whole thread but if Car Emergencies are your main reason for her having the card ... why not just get her an AAA card? For, like, $70 a year she''ll have roadside assistance & they''ll tow her car & take her somewhere safe.

Re: the purses ... if the understanding was that the card was only to be used for gas or emergencies then CONFISCATE the purses IMMEDIATELY. Return them for credit back to the card. If she has cash in hand of her own making then she can just sashay back to that store AGAIN and buy whatever she likes.

YOU ARE NOT THE PURSE PROVIDER.

She''s going to keep exploiting you and humiliating you and laughing about it until you stop letting her. Seriously, grow a pair!

DITTO. Get control back, you''ve lost it with her, time to take charge. Pun intended...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/20/2009 3:59:59 PM
Author: VRBeauty

Date: 7/20/2009 12:06:42 PM
Author: swingirl
Will you post photos so we can see if she got good deals??

(BTW is she living with you and DW?)

no, her new job is out in San Jose.and...i found out that mommy paid her first month''s rent.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 7/20/2009 7:05:52 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 3:59:59 PM
Author: VRBeauty

Date: 7/20/2009 12:06:42 PM
Author: swingirl
Will you post photos so we can see if she got good deals??

(BTW is she living with you and DW?)

no, her new job is out in San Jose.and...i found out that mommy paid her first month''s rent.

Seems you have a two-fold problem.

I''m thinkin'' you maybe spend too much on koi, and this is karma.

 

[FrekeChild]

LMAO Holly!!!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/20/2009 5:22:03 PM
Author: decodelighted
I didn''t read the whole thread but if Car Emergencies are your main reason for her having the card ... why not just get her an AAA card? For, like, $70 a year she''ll have roadside assistance & they''ll tow her car & take her somewhere safe.

Re: the purses ... if the understanding was that the card was only to be used for gas or emergencies then CONFISCATE the purses IMMEDIATELY. Return them for credit back to the card. If she has cash in hand of her own making then she can just sashay back to that store AGAIN and buy whatever she likes.

YOU ARE NOT THE PURSE PROVIDER.

She''s going to keep exploiting you and humiliating you and laughing about it until you stop letting her. Seriously, grow a pair!

she got her mommy''s AAA card.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Take back your CC...problem solved.

 

[omieluv]

Hey DF, please adopt me, as I need a 200 gal fish tank, with all of the trimmings!

 

[Kaleigh]

So it''s your wife that is undoing all that you are trying to set forth?? You GUYS need to be on the same page, and be a united front. Your daughter knows Mommy will come to her rescue... I think sitting down with your wife and making a game plan on being firm and a united front is in order. Because when she does this, she cancels out everything you are trying to do, so that is why you aren''t getting anywhere with your DD.

You can send your DD to ME.. I will have her straightened out in no time....