need to rant about my older daughter''s spending habit...

[Dancing Fire]

i''d agree with everybody here,now that she''s working she must be responsible for her own spending habits. i must cut her off !!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/20/2009 7:28:17 PM
Author: Kaleigh
So it''s your wife that is undoing all that you are trying to set forth?? You GUYS need to be on the same page, and be a united front. Your daughter knows Mommy will come to her rescue... I think sitting down with your wife and making a game plan on being firm and a united front is in order. Because when she does this, she cancels out everything you are trying to do, so that is why you aren''t getting anywhere with your DD.

You can send your DD to ME.. I will have her straightened out in no time....

i told my wife to talk to her. wife said...i don''t wanna be the bad guy

you talk to her.

 

[packrat]

Date: 7/20/2009 7:54:08 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 7:28:17 PM

Author: Kaleigh

So it''s your wife that is undoing all that you are trying to set forth?? You GUYS need to be on the same page, and be a united front. Your daughter knows Mommy will come to her rescue... I think sitting down with your wife and making a game plan on being firm and a united front is in order. Because when she does this, she cancels out everything you are trying to do, so that is why you aren''t getting anywhere with your DD.

You can send your DD to ME.. I will have her straightened out in no time....

i told my wife to talk to her. wife said...i don''t wanna be the bad guy

you talk to her.

Correct me if I''m wrong, but isn''t that the same exact thing she said during the Christmas debacle? It''s not about being the "bad guy", it''s about your daughter learning about money and responsibility and respect. If you guys can''t get on the same page with this, the problem isn''t going to magically go away. And if you guys want to be in the same boat in another 10 years, then nothing we say will change that. When she''s married and has a child, then you''ll have more people to take care of..and money trickling down the drain. And a grandchild who will most likely have a hand in your pocket as well.

My gramma did/does the same thing w/my uncle. Dad''s side (us) would sooner cut of an appendage than ask gramma for help (and by help, again I mean actual HELP, not handbags)..but Uncle, Aunt and my 3 cousins are like lil baby birds mouths open wide please please please. One cousin, when my gramma was deathly ill and the Dr''s said she had 1% chance of survival, went to gramma in the hospital and begged her for $40,000 (to pay "bills"..when in reality, she liked pretty and expensive clothes, and her husband is a gambler). And she got it. And it took gramma 5 YEARS to get the money back, and it didn''t even come from my cousin, my aunt had a relative who died and left her money, so Aunt paid the debt.

Gramma did it to herself. And you''re doing it too. And, my other gramma, for her son, my mom''s brother, had her house paid off, but ohhhh poor Uncle couldn''t pay his bills either..so she took out a full mortgage on her house, to help him out. And of course, their 2 kids learned the same way, so they work here and there and sponge off gramma.

Whine Baby Pee Pants. That''s my name for people like that, b/c that''s what they are. They won''t learn until you take control of the situation, and if you don''t want to put your foot down, then be prepared.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 7/20/2009 7:54:08 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 7:28:17 PM

Author: Kaleigh

So it's your wife that is undoing all that you are trying to set forth?? You GUYS need to be on the same page, and be a united front. Your daughter knows Mommy will come to her rescue... I think sitting down with your wife and making a game plan on being firm and a united front is in order. Because when she does this, she cancels out everything you are trying to do, so that is why you aren't getting anywhere with your DD.

You can send your DD to ME.. I will have her straightened out in no time....

i told my wife to talk to her. wife said...i don't wanna be the bad guy

you talk to her.

Does she realize she may be doing more harm in the long run by doing this? Sometimes the right thing to do is not the "nice" thing to do.

I agree, you have to take away the credit card. If a true emergency happens, she can call you and you can help on the phone.

 

[orbaya]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:27:18 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 9:38:51 AM

Author: neatfreak

It''s simple. CANCEL HER FREAKING CARD ALREADY!

i will !! as soon as she gets a CC under her own name.

Bad, bad, bad idea. You do NOT want to encourage your daughter to get a CC under her own name. With her shopping habits, she will end up in debt with no way out...except she will expect YOU to bail her out because that is the precedence that you have set. Tell her to save $1000 and not touch it unless there is a true emergency (car repair, etc...not a Coach sale). Before she gets her own credit card, she needs to learn about finances, budgets, etc.

Since you seem hellbent on her having a card, why not have a prepaid card of $500? The limit can''t be raised, and once she hits $500, that''s IT until it''s paid off. Once the limit is reached, the card is not useable, but she won''t have overlimit fees or a huge bill.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 7/20/2009 8:30:40 PM
Author: orbaya

Date: 7/20/2009 1:27:18 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 9:38:51 AM

Author: neatfreak

It''s simple. CANCEL HER FREAKING CARD ALREADY!

i will !! as soon as she gets a CC under her own name.

Bad, bad, bad idea. You do NOT want to encourage your daughter to get a CC under her own name. With her shopping habits, she will end up in debt with no way out...except she will expect YOU to bail her out because that is the precedence that you have set. Tell her to save $1000 and not touch it unless there is a true emergency (car repair, etc...not a Coach sale). Before she gets her own credit card, she needs to learn about finances, budgets, etc.

Since you seem hellbent on her having a card, why not have a prepaid card of $500? The limit can''t be raised, and once she hits $500, that''s IT until it''s paid off. Once the limit is reached, the card is not useable, but she won''t have overlimit fees or a huge bill.

Or what about a secured credit card? Maybe she can find one that won''t say "secured" on her credit report. That way she''s learning responsibility (hence, she can''t pay the bill so the funds are taken from the secured account), AND she''s working on establishing credit.

 

[DiamanteBlu]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:16:35 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 12:54:10 PM

Author: PilsnPinkysMom

Wait... She''s using your CC for gas?? And she''s employed? Like.. a ''big-person'' job, not just a teeny-bopper mall-store or burger-flipping job? Why isn''t she paying for her own gas?! Eeeep... Cut the ties. That''s all I need to say.

she just started her new job working for the State,not a high paying job,but still a job.

Will you take the CA state IOU''s in lieu of cash for repayment? [Sorry, couldn''t resist!

]

Seriously, though, what is it with these kids and Coach bags. DD is the same way except that my ex enables her [I say no and he lets her use her CC - bill goes to him].

 

[DiamanteBlu]

BTW, how about canceling that one and getting a new one with a teeny credit limit [for emergencies] until she gets her own?

 

[ts44]

Date: 7/20/2009 9:03:01 PM
Author: DiamanteBlu

Date: 7/20/2009 1:16:35 PM

Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 12:54:10 PM


Author: PilsnPinkysMom


Wait... She''s using your CC for gas?? And she''s employed? Like.. a ''big-person'' job, not just a teeny-bopper mall-store or burger-flipping job? Why isn''t she paying for her own gas?! Eeeep... Cut the ties. That''s all I need to say.

she just started her new job working for the State,not a high paying job,but still a job.

Will you take the CA state IOU''s in lieu of cash for repayment? [Sorry, couldn''t resist!

]


Seriously, though, what is it with these kids and Coach bags. DD is the same way except that my ex enables her [I say no and he lets her use her CC - bill goes to him].

I have a "big person job" and my father vehemently insists on me using his card for gas. I''m perfectly capable of handling myself and my affairs, as evidenced by me paying for all other aspects of my life, not being in debt and putting money in the bank every year, but the gas is NON-NEGOTIABLE! I think it''s his way of still clinging to me being his little girl.

He also insists on washing my car whenever I visit him, whether it''s really that dirty or not.

 

[VRBeauty]

DF, did you and your wife ever teach your kids about budgeting, living within a budget, and making hard choices where money is concerned? If not, why are you expecting her to suddenly "get it" now?

I''d suggest that you and Mrs. DF and DD sit down and have a chat about budgeting... as in tell her to share her monthly budget with you and then the three of you have a little discussion. (Use the first month''s rent or something as leverage.) I''m suggesting this because 1) I know she''s a college graduate, but I''m guessing that she''s never done this, 2) I''m guessing that you and your wife will identify costs she hasn''t anticipated and isn''t planning for (not to mention savings!) , and 3) everyone will have a better idea of how realistic her situation is. Then you and your wife can jointly decide whether you need or want to help out while she gets started in her career.

If your daughter is in an entry-level state job and living in the Bay Area, chances are she won''t have a lot of discretionary income for awhile... especially if she''s working for an agency that''s covered by the furlough order. Making sure she knows how to look at her financial situation clearly and plan a budget may be the most loving thing you can do for her -- certainly more so than letting her use your credit card at will or fronting her money any time she comes up short.

 

[movie zombie]

no pity and i don''t even want to hear the rant: you enable her.

mz

 

[AprilBaby]

Is this for real or are you just trying to get us all going???

 

[daydreamer]

Date: 7/20/2009 9:40:30 PM
Author: VRBeauty
DF, did you and your wife ever teach your kids about budgeting, living within a budget, and making hard choices where money is concerned? If not, why are you expecting her to suddenly ''get it'' now?


I''d suggest that you and Mrs. DF and DD sit down and have a chat about budgeting... as in tell her to share her monthly budget with you and then the three of you have a little discussion. (Use the first month''s rent or something as leverage.) I''m suggesting this because 1) I know she''s a college graduate, but I''m guessing that she''s never done this, 2) I''m guessing that you and your wife will identify costs she hasn''t anticipated and isn''t planning for (not to mention savings!) , and 3) everyone will have a better idea of how realistic her situation is. Then you and your wife can jointly decide whether you need or want to help out while she gets started in her career.


If your daughter is in an entry-level state job and living in the Bay Area, chances are she won''t have a lot of discretionary income for awhile... especially if she''s working for an agency that''s covered by the furlough order. Making sure she knows how to look at her financial situation clearly and plan a budget may be the most loving thing you can do for her -- certainly more so than letting her use your credit card at will or fronting her money any time she comes up short.

I also think this is the most reasonable approach. Though here in the bay area, most people her age have roommates to keep rent down. People tradeoff privacy for discretionary income.

I don''t know any of the history here, but my question would be "Will she pay the bill?" because if she will, it really shouldn''t be any of your business what she spends her money on. She''s an adult and you''re not always going to agree with her spending priorities. So, yes, make her get her own credit card. That way you won''t see her spending habits. Maybe she''ll rack up $1000 or so (whatever the low limit is) in credit card debt, and then she''ll learn what it takes to pay it off. The lesson will be learned.

While I personally prefer spending my money on jewelry, I don''t fault my friends for choosing to spend their money on bags or shoes.

 

[loriken214]

Date: 7/20/2009 9:34:34 AM
Author: geckodani

Date: 7/20/2009 9:12:57 AM
Author: MonkeyPie
DF, you complain about this all the time and yet you don''t take away her card...so I have to conclude that it doesn''t really bother you!

Yup.

Make her take the bags back.

Take away the credit card.

Problem solved.

DITTO!!!!

Lori

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 7/20/2009 10:21:02 PM
Author: AprilBaby
Is this for real or are you just trying to get us all going???

I have to wonder this too DF. With all due respect you love to start things, and leave us all putting out the fires that come from your threads... If you are being serious, well I gave my serious opinion..

 

[diamondgirl4382]

I agree with the poster a couple of pages back who said maybe she should start volunteering in her free time. Many people can't even afford to put food on the table, much less buy even one Coach bag. (I realize she's an adult, and you can't really tell her what to do with her free time...just saying I think it would be good for her.)

My advice is the same as most everyone else's--take away her credit card! I'm going to take it one step further and say send her the bill, and don't buy her anything else (unless it's a dire emergency) until she's at least making regular monthly payments on it. She is an adult, she should be responsible for the money she is spending. I understand wanting to help her out, but come on, if your wife is paying for her rent, you bought her car AND you are paying for her Coach bags, what is she spending HER money on??

 

[VRBeauty]

Waaaaait a minute -- is this the daughter with the degree in psychology?


https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/just-receive-my-daughters-cc-statement.104576/


At least we know she learned something in all those classes!



Cut her off.

 

[*Danielle*]

When I was 17 and getting ready to start college my mom''s words where "hope you can pay for it"

I have lived on my own since I was 19 with a 1995 Civic and a full time job while attending college and I would NEVER ask for money from my parents, emergency or not. She is using you because she can and you let her. You said yourself she has a job and now it is her turn to realize how hard life can be.

One questions. Did your parents give you that much help?

 

[Linda W]

Date: 7/20/2009 10:37:52 AM
Author: Skippy123
I think she needs some tough love DancingFire, you are hurting her in the long run by allowing this to keep going on. She told you all about it; now is your time to sit her down and actually do something about it.

I agree. DF, I get the impression that you are a softy. It is going to hurt your daughter in the long run. Believe me, I know..... I went through this with my own daughter.

Take the cc away NOW!!! Make her take a few of the handbags back NOW.

If you aren''t strict with her now DF, you will regret it and it will get worse.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/20/2009 9:40:30 PM
Author: VRBeauty

If your daughter is in an entry-level state job and living in the Bay Area, chances are she won''t have a lot of discretionary income for awhile... especially if she''s working for an agency that''s covered by the furlough order. Making sure she knows how to look at her financial situation clearly and plan a budget may be the most loving thing you can do for her -- certainly more so than letting her use your credit card at will or fronting her money any time she comes up short.

she makes $2800 per month minus the three day furlough,so i guess she''ll net somewhere about $1800 per month?? her rent is $500,so that would leave her with $1300 of spending money each month. IMO, she should able to survive on $1300 per month.

 

[VRBeauty]

2800 net or gross?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/20/2009 10:53:14 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 7/20/2009 10:21:02 PM
Author: AprilBaby
Is this for real or are you just trying to get us all going???

I have to wonder this too DF. With all due respect you love to start things, and leave us all putting out the fires that come from your threads... If you are being serious, well I gave my serious opinion..

yes,i''m serious. i will have a talk with her tonight when she calls home.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/20/2009 11:05:02 PM
Author: VRBeauty
Waaaaait a minute -- is this the daughter with the degree in psychology?


https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/just-receive-my-daughters-cc-statement.104576/


At least we know she learned something in all those classes!



Cut her off.

yes, how to spend your parent''s money.

 

[VRBeauty]

Oops... I see... $2800 gross.

Yes, I think your net estimate is right on... she shouldn''t be witholding much if anything for taxes, but retirement and social security contributions will probably cut her pay by 5-10%, and her contributions to medical insurance coverage will probably run her about $500 per month.

$1300 per month is probably doable even in the Bay Area -- but it will require some planning. It certainly isn''t a and DB and Coach type of budget!

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:59:03 AM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 7/20/2009 11:05:02 PM

Author: VRBeauty

Waaaaait a minute -- is this the daughter with the degree in psychology

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/just-receive-my-daughters-cc-statement.104576/

At least we know she learned something in all those classes!




Cut her off.

yes, how to spend your parent's money.

and get away with it...

 

[Dancing Fire]

just had a talk with her over the phone,she was weeping. i told her it was for her own good and she'll understand what i mean when she gets older. i told her she can keep one handbag for herself and one for her mommy and return the other two.

 

[FrekeChild]

What are you going to do with the credit card?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 12:13:55 AM
Author: *Danielle*
When I was 17 and getting ready to start college my mom''s words where ''hope you can pay for it''

I have lived on my own since I was 19 with a 1995 Civic and a full time job while attending college and I would NEVER ask for money from my parents, emergency or not. She is using you because she can and you let her. You said yourself she has a job and now it is her turn to realize how hard life can be.

One questions. Did your parents give you that much help?

yes, my momm bought me a nice car when i was 17 and you wanna know why? b/c i had to drive her where ever she needed to go and she was afraid that we might get stuck in the middle of no where if she had bought me a POS car.

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 7/21/2009 1:30:49 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
just had a talk with her over the phone,she was weeping. i told her it was for her own good and she''ll understand what i mean when she gets older. i told her she can keep one handbag for herself and one for her mommy and return the other two.

Congratulations!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/21/2009 1:37:19 AM
Author: FrekeChild
What are you going to do with the credit card?

i told her i'm gonna cancel her CC. she said...o.k. while she was weeping.