My nanny did WHAT?!??!!

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 12/8/2009 1:12:33 PM
Author: luckystar112
Okay, I have to say that I agree with all of you that the nanny was in the wrong and should be terminated. But I think that some of the comments are starting to sound a little accusatory toward LIA for no reason. MC, I am sure that as a loving mother LIA was able to assess Coby''s injury and make the best decision for his care. The ''did you even'' sounds a whole lot like ''Are you so incompetant that...'' and I think we should be giving LIA the benefit of the doubt in terms of raising her own son.

JMO.

The kid was hurt (at least) two times though. Once or twice is one thing, but what happens if the kids falls and bonks his head? I''m harsh with the following: it''s difficult to give benefit of the doubt to someone who posts this thread to begin with and the nanny still holds her position. I''d be posting, "I fired my nanny because she. . ."

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

LIA, hope you''re feeling a bit better, and I also hope you''ve let the nanny go.

One thing that worries me about this is that she maybe left him outside because he was crying and she couldn''t cope, or needed time out? I know that my mother used to leave me in the garden for hours in my stroller - she was depressed and could not cope with a crying baby. She thinks it''s ok as part of childcare, she doesn''t get why I don''t do it. Result? I can''t leave my child alone with my mother (for this and a few other reasons, to be fair). Can you imagine the fight that has caused? I''m not a lover of confrontation either, but the issue was too big to back down. Surely it''s easier to fire a nanny.

Amelia goes to daycare and if it helps, she is really happy there, it''s working well. I''m not a fan of one to one care for her by anyone other than me or DH. We did have a nanny for a while, but she opened a daycare centre a few months ago, so she''s not doing one to one any more.

Hugs to you and Coby, hope you find a better alternative soon.

Jen

 

[lover in athens]

WOW!!
sorry i haven''t checked back on the thread i posted, but as some of you mentioned, it has been a busy day.

i haven''t even gotten through reading all of these posts, but am so incredibly touched by what some of you wrote (THANK YOU for your support), but absolutely indignant and COMPLETELY PISSED OFF by some others.

i''m stopping at MC''s post to reply (and will go back and read through the rest later), but felt the need to respond ASAP to this one.

MC: I AM A PHYSICIAN. a board-certified real doctor. i am quite confident with my assessment that no stitches were necessary. i am VERY upset that you would imply that i am negligent towards my son. i would do ANYTHING for this child, and basically have. for your information, i have two separate sitters. it was with the other one (whom i have personally known for 5 years, and who my husband and his family have known for about 20). she is basically family to us. she would do anything for my son. he happened to crawl into the living room while she was around the corner, and presumably bumped his mouth on the edge of the bench in there (as cruising children will do). she was absolutely heartbroken about it. the only reason i posted about it, was to point out that mouths bleed profusely (i should know, i biopsied two oral mucosae today in my clinic), and that accidents happen quickly.


will be back later...

 

[Pandora II]

LIA, just wanted to say that I really feel for you over this. I''m a horribly non-confrontational person and always worry about other people''s circumstances so I''d be feeling just like you probably are.

However, I mentioned on the Newborn thread about my DH ''stealing'' Daisy the other week in a store - even though I found them after a few seconds, in that short time I had a fleeting glimpse of how Madeleine McCann''s parents must feel. I was so upset I burst into tears rather than shout at my DH.

Daisy can drive me ballistic - at the moment she is being particularly wearing and won''t be put down without bawling her eyes out. Frankly, today I actually don''t like my child very much!

But... I would never even leave her in another room and shut the door if I was home alone, let alone leave her outside in a non-private area. She''s only 6 months but is always finding new ways to get out of things, a 13 month old could easily find a way to escape or half escape from a stroller.

I think you need to grit your teeth on this one.

FWIW, I would probably be telling myself that this nanny was probably safer now that she''d had a scare and so I''d keep her on till I sorted out daycare and then tell her was sending Coby there...

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I do agree with the others the nannie needs to go, he could have gotten himself into all types of trouble. I agree kidnapping is rare. But there are moving cars, things to ingest, toddlers love to explore and don''t have a full understanding of danger, bad combo.

As for the lip. That is a very common toddler injury. Wouldn''t even raise my eyebrow to be honest.

 

[rainwood]

LIA -

I''m so sorry to hear what happened with Coby. It''s stressful enough being a doctor without having to worry about the quality of your son''s care.

I''m a lawyer and part of what I do for a living is piece together what likely happened based on the facts I''m able to gather. Here''s what I gather from the facts you''ve provided. Your nanny knew your son was outside in the courtyard unattended. She didn''t just dash in for a second because she said she''d just gone and checked on him. Plus she was unloading the dishwasher which isn''t an emergency. When you saw him in his stroller, he was sobbing. From your description, it sounds like the nanny couldn''t hear you pick up your son out in the courtyard (presumably he stopped crying), at least partly because the front door was closed.

Based on those facts, this is what I''ll bet happened. Coby was being fussy and your nanny didn''t want to deal with it so she parked him in the stroller in the courtyard so she wouldn''t hear him anymore. I would also bet this isn''t the first time she''s done this.

She needs to be let go immediately and she needs to be told why. It''s unfortunate that it''s the holiday season and she needs the money, but this woman deliberately put your son at risk. That''s never okay.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 12/8/2009 8:10:42 PM
Author: rainwood

Based on those facts, this is what I'll bet happened. Coby was being fussy and your nanny didn't want to deal with it so she parked him in the stroller in the courtyard so she wouldn't hear him anymore. I would also bet this isn't the first time she's done this.

But the Nanny also said he was sleeping before-so my guess is that she didn't want to wake him by bringing him inside and thought she'd leave him to sleep in the stroller.

Seems like everyone is out to vilify the nanny-but I really think this was not a malicious thing. I just think it was a lapse in judgement.

I know I certainly have been there before with my boys! But I have either wheeled the stroller into our fenced backyard in front of our sliding door and opened the door so I could hear AND see them OR brought the stroller right into the house.

I really don't think that the nanny was trying to be malicious in any way. It just sounds like a poor judgement call to me. Of course I *still* think it's a fireable offense-but at the same time I can see where you are coming from LIA with not wanting to have to fire her for it! But I still think you should.

 

[cara]

Rainwood, isn't it also possible the baby was sleeping and she didn't want to wake him? This explanation only works if bringing the stroller inside with the baby in it is challenging - for example, if there are steps. I definitely remember (in a different era) parents leaving their baby strapped in the car seat in the car to keep them sleeping - this was at night so no danger of baking - and then checking on the baby once in awhile. I guess one can actually lock the baby in the car in that case, but don't remember if that was actually done. But still, we live in a different time now.

Not that the exact motivation changes the ultimate judgment, which is that this nanny lacks judgment and needs to go.

Swimmer, how odd that the Scandanavian countries readily park their babies outside! I think I've heard of this before (at least parking the babies outside shops while one jots in) but still! It seems so foreign - you'd be risking arrest for neglect and a social services investigation if you practiced that in this country (in addition to the potential kidnapping of your child.)

 

[Jas12]

I think that many ppl have left out the fact that the nanny probably left Coby out in the courtyard b/c she thought he was sleeping & didn''t want to wake him by taking him out . I am not saying that is an excuse, or acceptable, but many ppl have wondered *why* she left him and that may have been her motive. It''s not smart, that''s for sure, but she may have just had a bad moment of judgement. As a mom, i''ve left my son in his car seat or stroller (but in earshot and eyesight--say, in the front porch or something) so he could finish his nap. She should have brought him to the door if that was the case. Problem solved.

If she left him alone, in full public view and with no chance or hearing or seeing what was going on (which sounds like the case since she didn''t notice you came and got him) then yes, i would fire. I am not as quick to judge and freak out like lots of ppl here, i think sometimes we are all a bit too paranoid and don''t see the whole picture, but ultimately, when it comes to having a nanny the key is TRUST, and i think hers is now too questionable.

 

[nycbkgirl]

LIA- im sooo sorry this had to happen..i almost cried reading ur post

....i thought of myself in ur shoes..id be just hysterical! plz think of ur baby and not anyone else..i am also a person who feels bad for others ..but when it comes to my babies..they are number 1 and no one else''s feelings matter...let us know the update..thinking of u!

 

[QOTDR]

Sorry this happened to you. I agree what others have said. Where I am, what she did would be reportable to child services. I would not trust her ever again. I watch my Wheatens better than that

 

[Burk]

LIA~So sorry you''re having to deal with this! **HUGS**

 

[megumic]

This is a tough one. One piece of information I couldn''t find in the threads is whether the courtyard is public space - like the courtyard of an apartment building, or the courtyard at your personal home on your own property.

I used to be a nanny, and as a nanny, I don''t think it makes a difference to me personally and I would have brought the child inside regardless of the courtyard situation. BUT, in defense of most-likely-fired-nanny, if it was the courtyard of your home, this is slightly different and could have been a very innocent attempt to take the opportunity while Coby was sleeping to help with the dishes, which can be noisy. Does your kitchen have windows that look into the courtyard?

I think we''re being too hard on the nanny here. While I understand the outrage and concern for all of the potential things that could have happened, none of them did happen and the fact is Coby was not harmed, thank goodness. Do you think your nanny actually had a bad intent in leaving your child outside?

As a parent, do you ever have a momentary lapse in judgment? Stepped away for a phone call and the baby toddles away? Done something you realized afterward you should not have that could have been potentially harmful to your children? If you say no, I don''t believe you.

The bottom line is, we''re all human and we make mistakes and have lapses in judgment and I don''t care how you spin it, it is impossible to have a fail proof human being to care for your children - even you. If you think the nanny''s lapse in judgment far outweighs her good judgments, ability to connect with your child, come to work on time, etc. then you should fire her. But if you think she truly had no mal intentions, had a momentary lapse in judgment and generally cares for your child up to your standards, maybe you should give her a second chance. Maybe inform her you''ll be installing nanny cams and will be checking in periodically - if she quits then you''ll know the job isn''t for her.

I just think you need to give her the benefit of the doubt here - she is human just like every other person on this planet and if you liked her enough to hire her and have her care for your child, then she must have done something right at some point.

 

[Bia]

Date: 12/8/2009 12:14:54 AM
Author: TravelingGal
As someone who has a nanny, I wouldn't even hesitate. Fire her. Not acceptable - ever.

As someone who WAS a nanny, and as someone who hopes to be a mother someday, I agree. Yes, people make mistakes but imo, this is inexcusable - it's neglect..imagine the 'what ifs'

Very scary.

Forget a dirty house, forget the dishwasher, forget all else but never the safety of your child.

You need to let her go. I'm sure she's a good person but as a nanny she made a big mistake. If she ever works as a childcare provider again, I hope she never makes the same mistake.

eta: megumic - baby was left outside - not in viewing or in hearing distance. I am all for giving people second chances (understanding people experience lapses in judgment - everyone makes mistakes) but when it comes to the safety of your family...nope

 

[Mara]

As a parent, do you ever have a momentary lapse in judgment? Stepped away for a phone call and the baby toddles away? Done something you realized afterward you should not have that could have been potentially harmful to your children? If you say no, I don't believe you.

The bottom line is, we're all human and we make mistakes and have lapses in judgment and I don't care how you spin it, it is impossible to have a fail proof human being to care for your children - even you. If you think the nanny's lapse in judgment far outweighs her good judgments, ability to connect with your child, come to work on time, etc. then you should fire her. But if you think she truly had no mal intentions, had a momentary lapse in judgment and generally cares for your child up to your standards, maybe you should give her a second chance. Maybe inform her you'll be installing nanny cams and will be checking in periodically - if she quits then you'll know the job isn't for her.

______

meq...while i agree that everyone is human and people do make mistakes or lapses in judgement, and certainly there have been parents who forget their kid is in the car or on the porch or whatever...as the PARENT it's not like you can fire yourself for a lapse.

but for third party care, you want them to be everything you are and MORE. so i would expect more from the nanny. like not to be thinking about anything else than my kid, esp if she is out and about with him aka taking him out of the house. that is her job, her charge, the whole reason she's in my house in the first place.

parents can be distracted with regular everyday life things...like bringing the groceries in or getting the mail, but for a nanny i just would hold them to a higher standard. and maybe that's not the most 'right' way to be but i still gotta say i would expect that.

plus the gal was in the house putting dishes away and when LIA mentioned the baby she said 'oh he was just sleeping'. so she KNEW he was outside, HAD JUST checked on him a while ago. so why not BRING HIM IN? that is what is so crazy!

and it's one thing to leave the kid in the stroller in your closed up yard or something in warm weather but it's winter in most areas and it seemed more like an open courtyard kinda thing.

LIA good luck and sorry you are in this situ!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Lia, you are a great mom. Use your instincts. I know you will do the right thing

 

[lover in athens]

whew...i'm back!

i had a very long day of work, followed by a work meeting (thank goodness my mother in law watched coby), and then it took me an hour to get the stinker to bed! yikes.
i truly want to respond to each and every one of you who has taken the time to give me your opinion. i value your input, and i love PS for the wonderful community it and advice one can get here! that being said, i am exhausted (worn out by stressing over this situation), and my husband's 40th bday is on thursday and i'm trying to plan a big party for him. needless to say, this couldn't have happened at a worse time! i will get back to you guys i promise! right now, i'm just going to do a "general" response...i hope that's ok.

but first, i want to apologize to MC. i'm sorry if i seemed to be striking out at you. i know you were just giving your opinion, and i agree that the situation could seem grim and worrisome if you were just reading those two posts (coby's bloody lip and then this!). i think it's easy to be defensive whenever someone questions your parenting skills!

with that over, let me answer a few questions, and let you know where things stand.

1) it is a private courtyard. it is usually gated, but the gate was open. we live in a very private, gated street of only about 40 residences. i would almost be more worried about wild animals getting in than him being kidnapped (coby and i took a walk yesterday and say a deer on a neighbor's driveway, and a couple javelina crossing the street). but whomever said that about not hesitating to call the police if they walked by a similar situation...i agree!! that is something that had also crossed my mind. i can't imagine what i would have thought if i had seen this scenario at a neighbor's house!!

2) no, the kitchen does not look out on the courtyard. there was no way for the nanny to see or hear coby with the door shut.

3) that being said, i truly believe that he had been napping in the stroller a few minutes before. we're going through a tough stage right now where he refuses to nap in his crib. the carseat and the stroller are the only saving graces. the nanny had been walking him, and i'm sure was scared to wake him up. there are no stairs leading into the house, however. she very easily could have brought the stroller inside (truly, it is beyond me why she didn't just do this!)

4) THANK YOU pandora (i think) who mentioned that they would feel safe leaving him with the nanny until we figured out the situation. that's pretty much where we're at right now. our jcc has great daycare, and i called them today. they do have one opening currently, so i need to really figure out what i want to do. i had a long talk with the nanny this morning about the "rules" and so on. i think this scared her enough to really be extra-vigilant right now. and dh was off work today so he dropped in and out at random times to check on things (without telling her that he was going to do so).

5) just a little more background on the nanny. no she is not scandinavian (how crazy is that by the way?!?!), she is hispanic. she is around 45 and a mother herself. i think this makes it extra difficult for me to "fire" her. there is something funny to me being significantly younger than someone that you employ and being in a "power" situation, if you know what i mean. also, i have been so blessed my entire life...i had a relatively priveleged upbringing, went to good schools, had great opportunities to do whatever i wanted career-wise, etc. and now i'm relatively young (31) with a great job, beautiful home, etc. and she is older than me, has had a much more difficult life, money is much tighter, etc. OBVIOUSLY feeling sorry for the nanny is NOT a reason to not fire her, but i KNOW that she cares about coby and has otherwise been good with him. he is always happy to see her and goes right to her, etc. she always kisses him goodbye and tells him that she loves him.

if you couldn't tell, i am so torn here. if this was a young, irresponsible person they would have been fired already. clearly the case is different. i am still leaning towards starting coby in daycare (it's only 2 days a week, and i do think it might be good for him socially), but i can't help but feel bad. i KNOW she has learned from the situation...

thanks again for all your support and input, and sorry for the saga-post!!!



ETA: we live in the desert southwest so it wasn't too cold!!

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 12/8/2009 10:54:50 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Lia, you are a great mom. Use your instincts. I know you will do the right thing

Ditto. You are a great Mommy Lia!!! Sending you a hug!!!! It''s hard being a mommy and a Doctor!!!

 

[purrfectpear]

To me it matters not a whit why the nanny left the child. Not if there was a good reason, no reason, or a bad reason. It''s not her child. It''s not up to her to decide what is an acceptable risk IMO. She is being paid to take NO risks, zip, zero, nadda.

When it''s YOUR child YOU can decide if you''re OK with them in the yard, or letting them cry it out, or put in their room and shutting the door. If it''s not your child, and you''re being paid as a sitter, then NONE of those things are a choice you get to make. You''re being paid to watch the child. Period. No room for excuses good or bad. If you can''t manage that, then find another occupation. This isn''t some neighbor that you''re asking to watch your child for one evening as a favor, this is a paid professional. There is a higher standard. A standard that this lady did not meet. End of subject.

 

[Mara]

LIA i am just curious...did you ask her frankly why he was left in his stroller? why she would leave him where she couldn''t see him? did she really think it was ok?

 

[lover in athens]

tacori (and kaliegh)...thanks. just so you know, that is EXACTLY what my mom is telling me!!

mara: he was left in the stroller b/c he was sleeping (and truly, it''s the only place he will nap right now. she really can''t answer me why the heck she didn''t bring the stroller in, or at least leave the door open, which is disturbing. she keeps saying that she knows she should have brought him in. AARGH...so why the heck DIDN''T she?!??!

 

[Circe]

Having just read over the whole thread ... she left him out in the stroller because he was sleeping, but he was crying when you pulled up. I don''t know where the discrepancy lies - he was upset in the first place? she couldn''t hear him through the door after all? - but it''s clear that there *is* one. So don''t worry about feeling guilty: fire her for cause, assume she will apply the lesson she learned in her next job, and just let her go for your own peace of mind. Truly, could you ever leave your son with her again without worrying in the back of your head about what kind of care he was receiving?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 12/8/2009 11:08:06 PM
Author: lover in athens
but first, i want to apologize to MC. i'm sorry if i seemed to be striking out at you. i know you were just giving your opinion, and i agree that the situation could seem grim and worrisome if you were just reading those two posts (coby's bloody lip and then this!). i think it's easy to be defensive whenever someone questions your parenting skills!

with that over, let me answer a few questions, and let you know where things stand.

1) it is a private courtyard. it is usually gated, but the gate was open. we live in a very private, gated street of only about 40 residences. i would almost be more worried about wild animals getting in than him being kidnapped (coby and i took a walk yesterday and say a deer on a neighbor's driveway, and a couple javelina crossing the street). but whomever said that about not hesitating to call the police if they walked by a similar situation...i agree!! that is something that had also crossed my mind. i can't imagine what i would have thought if i had seen this scenario at a neighbor's house!!

Actually, I was the one who said I'd call the police if I saw an unattended baby crying outside by his self!

No need to appologize. . .when you only give a small portion of a story, it's easy for all of us to come to our own conclusions and possibly be a bit more expressive than should be given the circumstances. (Seems like I was the one who was that way and so my post(s) stood out.)

You stated that you are, "VERY upset that you would imply that I am negligent towards my son." The reason I may have come across that way was ONLY because you complained about your nanny her rather than firing her. Seems like it's the common consensus that her actions would have prompted most of us to fire her and you probably feel that way too, but need reaffirmation (?). Only a guess, on my part.

Anyway, I don't want to argue with you and/or insult/hurt your feelings. . .rather I wish you the best for you and your son. Take care!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/8/2009 10:47:56 PM
Author: Mara

As a parent, do you ever have a momentary lapse in judgment? Stepped away for a phone call and the baby toddles away? Done something you realized afterward you should not have that could have been potentially harmful to your children? If you say no, I don''t believe you.

The bottom line is, we''re all human and we make mistakes and have lapses in judgment and I don''t care how you spin it, it is impossible to have a fail proof human being to care for your children - even you. If you think the nanny''s lapse in judgment far outweighs her good judgments, ability to connect with your child, come to work on time, etc. then you should fire her. But if you think she truly had no mal intentions, had a momentary lapse in judgment and generally cares for your child up to your standards, maybe you should give her a second chance. Maybe inform her you''ll be installing nanny cams and will be checking in periodically - if she quits then you''ll know the job isn''t for her.

______

meq...while i agree that everyone is human and people do make mistakes or lapses in judgement, and certainly there have been parents who forget their kid is in the car or on the porch or whatever...as the PARENT it''s not like you can fire yourself for a lapse.

but for third party care, you want them to be everything you are and MORE. so i would expect more from the nanny. like not to be thinking about anything else than my kid, esp if she is out and about with him aka taking him out of the house. that is her job, her charge, the whole reason she''s in my house in the first place.

parents can be distracted with regular everyday life things...like bringing the groceries in or getting the mail, but for a nanny i just would hold them to a higher standard. and maybe that''s not the most ''right'' way to be but i still gotta say i would expect that.

plus the gal was in the house putting dishes away and when LIA mentioned the baby she said ''oh he was just sleeping''. so she KNEW he was outside, HAD JUST checked on him a while ago. so why not BRING HIM IN? that is what is so crazy!

and it''s one thing to leave the kid in the stroller in your closed up yard or something in warm weather but it''s winter in most areas and it seemed more like an open courtyard kinda thing.

LIA good luck and sorry you are in this situ!

Bingo. I have not read more responses after because Meg, I''m not buying it and wanting to respond.

I stated in my previous posts that mothers make mistakes. Everyone is human. But this is a big lapse in judgment (assuming the courtyard was public and outside) from someone who is supposed to be a PROFESSIONAL caregiver. Mothers are at it for the first time. You hire a nanny because they have experience in watching over children. Her PRIMARY role was to watch over that child...not to wash dishes.

 

[rainwood]

I understand the idea of leaving Coby in the stroller so he doesn''t wake up. What doesn''t make sense is leaving the stroller outside if bringing thes troller inside is no big deal as LIA said. And it makes even less sense to leave him outside AND close the front door so she couldn''t hear what was going on outside. Something still doesn''t add up and probably never will.

I''m sure LIA will make the best decision for her family, whatever it turns out to be.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/8/2009 11:17:46 PM
Author: purrfectpear
To me it matters not a whit why the nanny left the child. Not if there was a good reason, no reason, or a bad reason. It''s not her child. It''s not up to her to decide what is an acceptable risk IMO. She is being paid to take NO risks, zip, zero, nadda.

When it''s YOUR child YOU can decide if you''re OK with them in the yard, or letting them cry it out, or put in their room and shutting the door. If it''s not your child, and you''re being paid as a sitter, then NONE of those things are a choice you get to make. You''re being paid to watch the child. Period. No room for excuses good or bad. If you can''t manage that, then find another occupation. This isn''t some neighbor that you''re asking to watch your child for one evening as a favor, this is a paid professional. There is a higher standard. A standard that this lady did not meet. End of subject.

Just read this, and I obviously could not agree more.

Lia, my nanny is in her 50''s. They need money, and she doesn''t have an easy life. But I did not bring her on to give to charity. I hired her to do a job. I know as a human with a heart, it''s hard to separate feelings of sympathy, but I have intentionally kept my distance and kept the employee/employer relationship. Don''t get me wrong, we are friendly with each other and chat about whatnot, but just as my personal life is not my employers problem, neither is her personal life my problem. She must perform on the job or else she is not meant to be in this position.

Even with everything you have told me and understanding what it''s like to have a nanny who your kid likes and whom you generally trust (not to harm the child, steal, etc), I would still fire your nanny.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 12/9/2009 2:14:23 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/8/2009 11:17:46 PM
Author: purrfectpear
To me it matters not a whit why the nanny left the child. Not if there was a good reason, no reason, or a bad reason. It''s not her child. It''s not up to her to decide what is an acceptable risk IMO. She is being paid to take NO risks, zip, zero, nadda.

When it''s YOUR child YOU can decide if you''re OK with them in the yard, or letting them cry it out, or put in their room and shutting the door. If it''s not your child, and you''re being paid as a sitter, then NONE of those things are a choice you get to make. You''re being paid to watch the child. Period. No room for excuses good or bad. If you can''t manage that, then find another occupation. This isn''t some neighbor that you''re asking to watch your child for one evening as a favor, this is a paid professional. There is a higher standard. A standard that this lady did not meet. End of subject.

Just read this, and I obviously could not agree more.

Lia, my nanny is in her 50''s. They need money, and she doesn''t have an easy life. But I did not bring her on to give to charity. I hired her to do a job. I know as a human with a heart, it''s hard to separate feelings of sympathy, but I have intentionally kept my distance and kept the employee/employer relationship. Don''t get me wrong, we are friendly with each other and chat about whatnot, but just as my personal life is not my employers problem, neither is her personal life my problem. She must perform on the job or else she is not meant to be in this position.

Even with everything you have told me and understanding what it''s like to have a nanny who your kid likes and whom you generally trust (not to harm the child, steal, etc), I would still fire your nanny.

I''ve been following this thread wondering what I would do if I had children...I do have a niece...and my bro and SIL are likely to get a nanny or put her in daycare one of these days when the grandmoms are less able to take care of her so many days of the week. I think that TGal''s thought above really conveys what I was debating internally earlier while reading this. It is tough to be unbiased, but in the end you can only think of the health and well-being of your child. LIA, truly sorry you''re dealing with this.

 

[swingirl]

Maybe there is some confusion on your nanny''s part about how much time is supposed to be spent on watching Coby and how much time needs to be spent on housekeeping. If you want her to give Coby her full attention then she needs to concentrate on him and not the dishes. I don''t like nanny''s being expected to be housekeepers. Being a nanny to a 1 year old is a full-time and exhausting job. If the baby is asleep the nanny should be reading a book, folding blankets or tidying up within ear shot. Maybe if you redefine her responsibilities you''ll feel better about keeping her.

 

[pennquaker09]

As a parent and as a parent that employs a nanny, I will admit that there was a seriously lack of judgment in this situation, but I can''t saythat I would fire her.

What I surmise is that he was sleeping and maybe she wanted to let him nap outside. I think the lack in judgement was that she shut the door. From what has been said, this is a safe community and the likelyhood of something happening were small. Further, I just don''t think she meant to leave him out there for an extended period of time. I feel like she sort of got sidetracked and thought, He''s napping, I''ll just go ahead and unload the dishwasher." it''s not like she was chatting it up on the phone with one of the girls. I don''t mean to detract from the issue of leaving him alone and unsupervised outside, but I don''t the she had any bad intentions.

I love my children more than anything in the world and the thought of leaving them alone with anyone is stressful, but I will be the first to admit that even I have momentary lapses in judgement sometimes. The other day, I was taking the laundry out of the dryer and Savannah toddled her lite self in the laundry room and was trying to climb in the dryer. No matter how much I love them, I''m not perfect and I don''t know thatnis would fair of me to expect perfection from anyone else. I expect my nanny to do her absolute best and use good judgement, but I think people deserve the benefit of the doubt when they have a lapse.

Anyway, this is just my opinion, and I think what ever you and your DH decide Is going to be fine.

 

[somethingshiny]

I haven''t caught up in the thread but something crossed my mind this morning.

If you don''t fire this woman, your neighbors could turn you in for being negligent. Anyone who witnessed this one incident and was offended by it could call DCFS and you could be investigated. At this point it''s not only about your child''s well being (which is first and foremost) but could theoretically be about your rights to your child and your medical license.

Additionally, anyone who saw the baby outside and didn''t see you come and pick him up could assume that YOU left him outside.