My nanny did WHAT?!??!!

[lover in athens]

ok PSers...i need major advice...
i work 2 1/2 days a week. coby has one sitter/nanny on tu/thur and a different one on wednesday. i have been very happy with both of them so far. until thursday, that is...

i happened to finish up at work about 30 minutes early (that never happens), and just decided to head home. when i pulled up to my house, i noticed that the stroller was sitting in our courtyard (where i often park it, so no biggie). then i rolled down my window and pulled up to my mailbox, and thought i heard a baby crying. but since there was no one in the courtyard, and the front door was clearly shut, i convinced myself it was just the cat next door. i pulled into the garage, and just to quiet my mind, decided to investigate. well, low and behold, coby was in the stroller, in the courtyard, with the gate wide open, and NO SITTER IN SIGHT!!! and he was sobbing! i grabbed him from the stroller and walked around to the other side of the house. still no sitter. so i walked in through the garage like i normally do and she was in the kitchen!! she was taking the dishes out (which is nice), and was obviously a little shocked to see me home, and a little MORE shocked to see me holding coby. she said, "oh my goodness, i just checked on him a minute ago and he was sound asleep." but she still couldn''t explain why she hadn''t just brought the stroller into the house, or at the very least, left the front door open so she could see/hear him. what''s truly terrifying is that she had no idea i had taken him from the stroller, and i could have been anyone (granted, we do live in a very safe, gated neighborhood but still).

so, what would you do? she could tell that i was upset, although i am incredibly non-confrontational (to a fault), so i basically just said goodbye and that we could talk about it later. she did call on friday to apologize again, and she said she would "obviously need to change some things."

RIGHT!! but now i''m just worried. in some ways, it''s not a huge deal b/c he was obviously fine, and maybe she did just come inside for one second (although we all know that accidents only need one second to happen), but on the other hand, what worries me is her JUDGEMENT. i mean, who would leave a 13 month old alone outside??

so now i don''t know what to do. i really like her, and i know she needs the money, and i really don''t feel right firing her right around the holidays. and she''s always been really great with coby before this. not to mention that i don''t have another sitter that i can use! i am REALLY considering day care for the 2 days a week...i THINK it would be really good for coby to get some socialization, etc...

HELP!!!

 

[purrfectpear]

Honey, you don''t need to post on the internet. You need to fire the nanny. You know it. We know it. Well meaning intentions or not, the person you entrusted your baby to left them outside in the open.

There''s really NOTHING else to discuss. Not Christmas, not her financial situation, not inconvenience. Make other arrangements NOW.

 

[meresal]

I think that I would have to agree with pp. This is one of those things that it just isn't worth the risk of taking a second chance.

She may be doing other questionable things, that she isn't aware of, because this type of thing hasn't happened yet. Like walking away from a stroller at a store or at a park.

I know it is hard right here at the Holiday's, but I just don't think I could take that chance, knowing if something "did" happen, the only person I have to blame is myself.


I'm sorry that you came home to this. What a horrible situation, and I hope you can figure out a solution that works for you and your family.

 

[ljmorgan]

lover in athens, you need to be firm and let this nanny go. Whatever her excuse, her judgement was inexcusable and the safety of your child is not negotiable. I am so glad that little Coby is safe!

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 12/7/2009 11:53:19 PM
Author: *Lindsey*
lover in athens, you need to be firm and let this nanny go. Whatever her excuse, her judgement was inexcusable and the safety of your child is not negotiable. I am so glad that little Coby is safe!

Ditto! It''s insane that she would leave him outside while she did the dishes. I don''t have any kids but I NEVER leave one of my nieces or nephews outside alone when I''m watching them.

 

[rockpaperscissors67]

The first words out of my mouth would have been "YOU ARE SO FIRED!!!"

Sorry to be so blunt, but if I''m trusting you to take care of my kids, I expect you to take care of them just as well as I would if I were there. Although it sounds like the chances of something happening to him were slim, there''s still a chance.

If you allow her to continue to watch her, are you ever going to be able to completely trust her or would you always be wondering what she''s doing when you''re not there? I know I would wonder, it would totally stress me out and it''s just not worth it. You should be able to go to work, secure in the knowledge that your son is safe.

 

[Mara]

ditto PP big time.

the first thing i would have said when i walked in with my kid would have been, get out of my house.

i don''t care how much you like her or what time of year it is...your most important lines are ''who leaves a 13 month old outside in a stroller'' and the line about she didnt even know you took him out of his stroller.

just think about if you had been someone else and your child would be GONE. enough said.

truly appalling really. and given that we are having to consider what to do when i go back to work in summer, totally freaky and scary.

 

[TravelingGal]

As someone who has a nanny, I wouldn''t even hesitate. Fire her. Not acceptable - ever.

 

[Dreamer_D]

BLERG!!!

That just leaves a terrible taste in my mouth and makes me go

FIRE the nanny! Are you kidding??? I would go BONKERS on her if she did that to my child!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Seriously. . .you're worried that this gal needs the money and you don't feel right firing her over the holidays, therefore you would put your child's life at risk??? You really need to reassess your priorities.

FWIW, if I had been a neighbor of yours and saw a baby crying outside like that, I would have called the cops. THAT'S how critical I'd see the situation.

*PLEASE* fire the chick. It's horrifying to think you may not.

ETA - and daycare CAN be great for kids. They do need the socialization. My children were in PT preschool (even when I was at home) and LOVED it. It's good for them to learn structure and how to work in group dynamics.

 

[qtiekiki]

Big Fat Ditto to what everyone said. It''s not one of those situations where I would give second chance.

 

[mia1181]

Many here know that I used to be a professional nanny and I am the biggest nanny advocate here, but I have to agree that this may be grounds for termination.

Do I think what you came home to was the most serious offense ever? No. I think that you could have came to much worse things (obviously) and it seems like she has somewhat good intentions (it wasn't like she was taking a nap). I don't think you've found convincing evidence that your nanny is a bad person or is neglectful, however I have to question her judgement. It seems like she should have known better. I think it is very important that you are able to trust the judgement of your nanny and if you can't, then you need to let her go. Sure, if you have a talk with her about the incident it will never happen again, but then you may have to worry about other lapses of judgement in the future.

ETA- Okay just went back and reread your post. It's getting late and I am tired. I missed a bunch of points the first time I read this...
I didn't realize this was in a courtyard and not a backyard. YIKES! Yes honey you need to let her go.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/8/2009 12:27:12 AM
Author: mia1181
Many here know that I used to be a professional nanny and I am the biggest nanny advocate here, but I have to agree that this may be grounds for termination.

Do I think what you came home to was the most serious offense ever? No. I think that you could have came to much worse things (obviously) and it seems like she has somewhat good intentions (it wasn''t like she was taking a nap). I don''t think you''ve found convincing evidence that your nanny is a bad person or is neglectful, however I have to question her judgement. It seems like she should have known better. I think it is very important that you are able to trust the judgement of your nanny and if you can''t, then you need to let her go. Sure, if you have a talk with her about the incident it will never happen again, but then you may have to worry about other lapses of judgement in the future.

mia, she based on what LIA is telling us, she DID know better. That is what is so disturbing.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 12/8/2009 12:29:31 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/8/2009 12:27:12 AM
Author: mia1181
Many here know that I used to be a professional nanny and I am the biggest nanny advocate here, but I have to agree that this may be grounds for termination.

Do I think what you came home to was the most serious offense ever? No. I think that you could have came to much worse things (obviously) and it seems like she has somewhat good intentions (it wasn't like she was taking a nap). I don't think you've found convincing evidence that your nanny is a bad person or is neglectful, however I have to question her judgement. It seems like she should have known better. I think it is very important that you are able to trust the judgement of your nanny and if you can't, then you need to let her go. Sure, if you have a talk with her about the incident it will never happen again, but then you may have to worry about other lapses of judgement in the future.

mia, she based on what LIA is telling us, she DID know better. That is what is so disturbing.

Any person would know better. To leave a toddler in a stroller outside? If she DIDN'T know better, wouldn't that be even scarier? This is a no-win with this situation. She knew = negligence. She didn't know = idiocy.

Case closed.

 

[mia1181]

Date: 12/8/2009 12:29:31 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/8/2009 12:27:12 AM
Author: mia1181
Many here know that I used to be a professional nanny and I am the biggest nanny advocate here, but I have to agree that this may be grounds for termination.

Do I think what you came home to was the most serious offense ever? No. I think that you could have came to much worse things (obviously) and it seems like she has somewhat good intentions (it wasn''t like she was taking a nap). I don''t think you''ve found convincing evidence that your nanny is a bad person or is neglectful, however I have to question her judgement. It seems like she should have known better. I think it is very important that you are able to trust the judgement of your nanny and if you can''t, then you need to let her go. Sure, if you have a talk with her about the incident it will never happen again, but then you may have to worry about other lapses of judgement in the future.

mia, she based on what LIA is telling us, she DID know better. That is what is so disturbing.

Tgal- yeah I totally misread that I am changing my vote to fire,fire,fire! I also didn''t realize the door was closed!

No words....

 

[neatfreak]

Yeah...not cool LIA. I know it''s unfortunate but you just cannot trust someone who doesn''t realize that leaving Coby outside, alone, while she *DOES THE DISHES* is not ok.

If she was doing the dishes she was NOT just running in-no way to justify that even if you wanted to.

She may not have meant harm, but it easily could have resulted in harm. You can be polite about it of course but just let her know that unfortunately that was a large lapse in judgment and you just do not feel comfortable trusting her with Coby anymore. If she doesn''t understand why explain to her that you GRABBED COBY without her knowing-what if it wasn''t you that grabbed him?

FWIW I do think it''s worth the time to explain to her why she is being fired so that hopefully she can learn something from this.

 

[mia1181]

Date: 12/8/2009 12:35:34 AM
Author: MC

Date: 12/8/2009 12:29:31 AM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/8/2009 12:27:12 AM
Author: mia1181
Many here know that I used to be a professional nanny and I am the biggest nanny advocate here, but I have to agree that this may be grounds for termination.

Do I think what you came home to was the most serious offense ever? No. I think that you could have came to much worse things (obviously) and it seems like she has somewhat good intentions (it wasn''t like she was taking a nap). I don''t think you''ve found convincing evidence that your nanny is a bad person or is neglectful, however I have to question her judgement. It seems like she should have known better. I think it is very important that you are able to trust the judgement of your nanny and if you can''t, then you need to let her go. Sure, if you have a talk with her about the incident it will never happen again, but then you may have to worry about other lapses of judgement in the future.

mia, she based on what LIA is telling us, she DID know better. That is what is so disturbing.

Any person would know better. To leave a toddler in a stroller outside? If she DIDN''T know better, wouldn''t that be even scarier? This is a no-win with this situation. She knew = negligence. She didn''t know = idiocy.

Case closed.

sorry, sorry, sorry. For some reason I was thinking this was in the backyard. Not that it would be that much safer but I could see where a ditzy girl would think it was safe, or assumed that she would hear the baby crying.

 

[mia1181]

Date: 12/8/2009 12:39:17 AM
Author: neatfreak
Yeah...not cool LIA. I know it''s unfortunate but you just cannot trust someone who doesn''t realize that leaving Coby outside, alone, while she *DOES THE DISHES* is not ok.

If she was doing the dishes she was NOT just running in-no way to justify that even if you wanted to.

She may not have meant harm, but it easily could have resulted in harm. You can be polite about it of course but just let her know that unfortunately that was a large lapse in judgment and you just do not feel comfortable trusting her with Coby anymore. If she doesn''t understand why explain to her that you GRABBED COBY without her knowing-what if it wasn''t you that grabbed him?

FWIW I do think it''s worth the time to explain to her why she is being fired so that hopefully she can learn something from this.

Definitely! Make sure she has the opportunity to learn from this experience because she will probably go and work for another family. I would sit her down and tell her the honest truth, that you think she''s not a bad person and made a mistake but that it would be impossible for you to trust her judgement from this point on.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

She should be fired, like, yesterday.

I''m a nanny & have a few nanny-ing friends... and let me tell you... most are MORE protective and anal about watching over kids than the parents they work for (because if something terrible happens on our watch then guilt/lawsuit/etc). I can''t think of any nanny-created reason to leave a baby in a stroller in the courtyard with the front door shut. She should be overly concerned about your son''s well-being & want to keep her eyes on him at ALL times, unless he''s napping in his crib.

It''s very sweet that you''re considering this girl''s financial troubles and do not want to hurt her feelings, but it''s not necessary. She screwed up. You can politely say that the situation just isn''t working out any longer. End of story.

 

[Kay]

Date: 12/8/2009 12:16:18 AM
Author: MC
Seriously. . .you''re worried that this gal needs the money and you don''t feel right firing her over the holidays, therefore you would put your child''s life at risk??? You really need to reassess your priorities.

FWIW, if I had been a neighbor of yours and saw a baby crying outside like that, I would have called the cops. THAT''S how critical I''d see the situation.

*PLEASE* fire the chick. It''s horrifying to think you may not.

ETA - and daycare CAN be great for kids. They do need the socialization. My children were in PT preschool (even when I was at home) and LOVED it. It''s good for them to learn structure and how to work in group dynamics.

I have to agree with this. I don''t like confrontation either, but you cannot continue to leave Coby with a care taker who exhibits such poor judgment. Thank heavens you came home early and it was you who found him. She left him alone outside, where anyone could have grabbed him. That is completely inexcusable.

My 13-month-old DD has been in day care for 10 months. She loves playing with the other kids. That may be a good solution for you 2 days a week. Start calling day care centers for openings immediately.

 

[swingirl]

I don''t think this is the first time she has left Coby outside. She was concerned that he was now crying but if she just checked on him she knew he was in the stroller in the courtyard and out of ear shot. If you have to tell a nanny to bring a baby indoors when she comes indoors, you have a problem!

 

[movie zombie]

i''m puzzled that you didn''t fire her on the spot.


mz

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Ditto what everyone else has said. That was so negligent on the nanny''s part - what if something had gone wrong?! I''m shocked that she would leave your baby alone outside. It won''t matter how apologetic she is if something happens to Coby because she wasn''t doing her job properly.

 

[choro72]

I completely understand why it's hard for you. It's hard to make snap judgment on the spot, I always second guess myself, and I get easily confused when I'm seeing and listening to their sob expression. I'm non confrontational too, believe me, and have hard times keeping my head straight during arguments.

However, now that you have sat down, thought about it, wrote this, and read all the response, you can be darn sure of yourself that this girl needs no second chance. What I usually do when I need to make a strong argument is type out word for word what I'm going to say. This way I can edit and revise until the words come out right. Good luck.

 

[diamondfan]

It takes one mistake only sometimes...forget that she needs the money etc, you need to be able to trust her with your baby. She showed very poor judgement which could have had tragic consequences. Just because it did not does not mean there might not be another bad judgment incident and something bad might not happen. I think that she is not necessarily a bad person but will that make you feel any better if something happens to your baby? Once you have had something like this happen it is really hard to overlook it and feel comfortable.

 

[movie zombie]

i''ll up the ante and say that her financial problems are her problems.....your problem/responsibility as a parent is making sure your child is safe. nanny has demonstrated that your child is not safe with her. allowing her to continue with your child is not an option.

mz

 

[Samantha Red]

To me this is a no brainer and I don''t have children! I walk dogs for people in my village and I would expect to be fired if I left a dog tied up where I couldn''t see it for any length of time - let alone a child

 

[bee*]

wow I have to agree with everyone else. I wouldn''t leave my child in her care again. To think what could have happened if you had been someone else and taken your baby is just awful. I like to avoid conflict if I can as well, but you can''t have her minding your baby if she leaves him outside by himself in the courtyard.

 

[steph72276]

I''ll ditto everyone else....let her go! I have been a teacher and a nanny and there is absolutely NO WAY I would have left a child, much less a baby outside unattended. That is unacceptable behavior and it is grounds for firing. I would put him in a daycare for a few days a week, it will be good for him to get some interaction with other children and you won''t have to constantly worry about him like you would if you continue to let her watch him. Consider yourself lucky you caught this before something horrible happened.

 

[packrat]

I agree w/everyone else about letting her go. Just reading your post made my stomach clench up. What if a loose dog was in the neighborhood? Or a weirdo happened to drive by? It takes all of about 2 seconds for something bad to happen. What if she decided to leave him in the tub while she put dishes away?