Married people not wearing rings...

[iLander]

DH is an artist, and periodically makes his own ring. He alternates that with a band (he lost the first one, then I bought him another). Lately, he's been wearing a ring he made (it really is spectacular, I should start a thread) on the wedding finger and his band on the other hand. It seems to be whatever fits best, which is fine with me.

I got a special ring for our 30th anniversary, so I wear that, sometimes with a band, sometimes not.

We're pretty casual about it. If I'm going to a place with other married couples I'll wear the whole schmear; engagement ring, band, and anniversary ring. I think it makes people comfortable when you "look married".

 

[Logan Sapphire]

We wear our rings most of the time (married almost 9 years). I always wear some sort of ring at all times- usually change into a plain ring when I get home because my fingers feel like you do when you take off a bra or a suit after a long day- utter relief (not that I have large rings- I don't- but nothing says comfort like a plain ring). I also have a plain rose gold ring from e-wedding bands that I love. My husband likes it better when I wear it with my trinity ring because he thinks it's too plain otherwise.

He wears his original wedding ring except when showering. I also got him a matching rose gold ring, and he at first resisted because he likes his original ring and doesn't see the need for a new one. He does wear the rose gold one on occasion though. He also has 2 rings for his right hand- one was his deceased father's wedding ring and the other is his "dad's" ring, which I got him to commemorate our children with. It's a plain palladium band from BGD but with our children's names and birthstones (diamond and emerald) inside. He wears those rings much less often as he forgets to put them on.

 

[-Bella-]

I don't wear mine some days as I just don't like them... And as they are very scratched they look gross and don't sparkle that nice so i just don't feel it. My hubby doesn't wear his at all as he is in the industry where he can't as its quite dangerous for him.... But he rarely wears it on the weekend or if we are away etc..... All my friends wear theres all the time.....

 

[Snowy]

I don't like my husband not wearing his ring out since he tends to get hit on and too many long looks from other women. I pretty much always ask him when I'm out if he's wearing it that its a habit. He takes it off for work and puts it on when he goes out non work times or weekends around the house. I have full trust in him obviously but I really like seeing the blatant sign of husband on his finger. My e-ring I wear outside for the most part but I always have my wedding ring on. People only tend to notice I'm married when I have my e- ring on though.

 

[misskittycat]

My husband doesn't wear his wedding band. Ever. It lives in a vault in the bank with our house deeds

Do I wish he would wear it? Yes, I actually do. Does it p!$$ me off? Occasionally. I wear mine everyday and he got shirty with me when I mentioned perhaps wanting to change the setting on my engagement ring for our 10th anniversary (adding another halo), yet he never wears his ring. Not on our anniversary, not on special occasions. Not ever.

Do I think it changes the way he feels about me? No. I know he loves me and a ring doesn't change that. He doesn't wear any jewellery, not even a watch and he sees his ring as jewellery, not a symbol of his love.

What really annoys me is the double standard: he won't wear my ring at all but when I want to slightly change the ring I wear everyday that he gave me, he gets shirty...

 

[chrono]

I always wear some sort of ring at all times- usually change into a plain ring when I get home because my fingers feel like you do when you take off a bra or a suit after a long day- utter relief (not that I have large rings- I don't- but nothing says comfort like a plain ring).

I dislike the feel of ANYTHING on my finger, including a plain band, so removing any and all rings feels like a huge relief. This is why I much prefer to look at unset stones instead of wearing them. I might wear a ring to work, remove it as soon as I get to the office, then wear it back home, only to remove it as soon as I step through the door. DH and I never get hit on by anyone whenever we go out together or separately either, even sans ring. If anyone does look our way, I suppose we just never notice it. We aren't bothered by it at all. I suppose it helps that we aren't supposed to wear jewellery in our line of work (safety and contamination precaution).

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Chrono, I do the same thing when I'm at work. We have painters at our house this week and just to be cautious I decided to wear my set to work. As soon as I got in I took my rings off and now they're sitting on my desk. Probably less safe than leaving them at home with the painters, but I'm more comfy.

 

[Polished]

I have a few rings I alternate with my wedding ring. I take my rings off to go to bed, shower, do housework - not making lunches though - the diamonds dazzle under kitchen lights as I move my hands preparing sandwiches, so that makes the task enjoyable; I love the treat of putting the rings on again after an absence. My DH only wears his wedding ring for occasions when we go out or when we go away on holidays. People's habits are funny.

I asked my 91 year old MIL where the ring she wore came from - it's a rose gold ring, with a beautiful smallish clear diamond, in a setting with those exaggerated prongs, a more delicate version of this:

http://www.rubylane.com/item/97654-1548/Signed-Alfred-Butler-vintage-1920s

She told me it had been slipped on her finger, by her future step father, just before the ceremony of her marriage, held at the refugee camp in Germany; after the war and before she and my FIL moved to Australia. She says she wears it now because she doesn't think her hands are very attractive, so when people come to visit, she likes them to have something interesting to look at. Rather charming.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

DH is an artist, and periodically makes his own ring. He alternates that with a band (he lost the first one, then I bought him another). Lately, he's been wearing a ring he made (it really is spectacular, I should start a thread) on the wedding finger and his band on the other hand. It seems to be whatever fits best, which is fine with me.

I got a special ring for our 30th anniversary, so I wear that, sometimes with a band, sometimes not.

We're pretty casual about it. If I'm going to a place with other married couples I'll wear the whole schmear; engagement ring, band, and anniversary ring. I think it makes people comfortable when you "look married".

Yes, PLEASE!!!!

 

[Laila619]

I always wear some sort of ring at all times- usually change into a plain ring when I get home because my fingers feel like you do when you take off a bra or a suit after a long day- utter relief (not that I have large rings- I don't- but nothing says comfort like a plain ring).

I dislike the feel of ANYTHING on my finger, including a plain band, so removing any and all rings feels like a huge relief. This is why I much prefer to look at unset stones instead of wearing them. I might wear a ring to work, remove it as soon as I get to the office, then wear it back home, only to remove it as soon as I step through the door. DH and I never get hit on by anyone whenever we go out together or separately either, even sans ring. If anyone does look our way, I suppose we just never notice it. We aren't bothered by it at all. I suppose it helps that we aren't supposed to wear jewellery in our line of work (safety and contamination precaution).

Me too Chrono. I've never liked wearing rings and the feel of them on my finger. I wish they had engagement necklaces and wedding necklaces instead of rings! Now that I wouldn't mind wearing.

 

[Circe]

I think the most insane story on the topic I ever heard came from another jewelry board ... a very upset lady posted about having been accosted as a homewrecker while out with her husband because while they were both wearing rings, their rings didn't match.

I still wonder if that really happened, or if it was a trolling post.

 

[ame]

I think the most insane story on the topic I ever heard came from another jewelry board ... a very upset lady posted about having been accosted as a homewrecker while out with her husband because while they were both wearing rings, their rings didn't match.

I still wonder if that really happened, or if it was a trolling post.

I think I know what you're talking about...She is a young mother, who is actually I believe now divorced and that whole story led to the revelation that he was having an affair or something, wasn't it? Some of the folks on there give me a permanent eyebrow raise.

 

[junebug17]

My husband lost weight several years ago and his ring slipped off his finger swimming in the ocean...he never mentioned replacing it, and I never really thought anything about it! It doesn't bother me that he isn't wearing one...we've been together a long time - 37 years and married for almost 29 so I guess the symbolism of a ring just isn't that important to us at this stage of the game. I don't wear my original wband but I still have it. I always wear my current set when I go out, but usually don't wear them at home.

 

[Rhea]

I wear a ring nearly everyday at the moment even if it's a large plastic diamond one. DH wear his ring if he's leaving the house, but not to work.

We've both gone through moments of wearing them 24/7 and moments where we aren't sure where they are even located for weeks.

 

[Laila619]

My husband doesn't wear his wedding band. Ever. It lives in a vault in the bank with our house deeds

Do I wish he would wear it? Yes, I actually do. Does it p!$$ me off? Occasionally. I wear mine everyday and he got shirty with me when I mentioned perhaps wanting to change the setting on my engagement ring for our 10th anniversary (adding another halo), yet he never wears his ring. Not on our anniversary, not on special occasions. Not ever.

Do I think it changes the way he feels about me? No. I know he loves me and a ring doesn't change that. He doesn't wear any jewellery, not even a watch and he sees his ring as jewellery, not a symbol of his love.

What really annoys me is the double standard: he won't wear my ring at all but when I want to slightly change the ring I wear everyday that he gave me, he gets shirty...

I'd be upset too, misskittycat! I definitely think you should be able to change your ring, especially since he does not wear the one you gave him.

 

[fiona00004]

I need to wear my rings! I love them so much!! They make me happy. When I am going through something challenging, just a quick glance at them makes me smile... I wear them ALL the time... but I am also a bit worried of damaging them. I have 2 kids still in diapers, work in the health profession so I wash my hands and moisturize constantly...my rings go through a lot, but I just love to show them off, even whenno one is looking! My original ering actually scratched my baby when she was a few months old... I think one of the prongs did that... but no more prongs for me! Just a lovely bezel! I should get a more user friendly wedding band though. And I agree that rose gold is really really lovely!

 

[CharmedOne]

A month or so after we were married my husband was washing his hands at the barracks and it slipped off his hand and went down the drain. We both had 2MM plain white gold bands. After that he started wearing a thicker sterling silver one. I was five months pregnant when we got married, so soon after that I had to take mine off. After I had the baby I bought 14K yellow gold bands. But they never felt right. So I bought him a platinum diamond band and I stopped wearing a ring all together. He has to wear a ring according to him and doesn't care if I wear one. He's a policeman and says they get hit on too much.

We totally trust each other and have never had an issue. I hated wearing anything on my fingers too. But I just recently started wearing an EC three stone ring, that I purchased from eBay. I really like it. It took a while to get used to but I wear it mostly everyday now.

 

[IE_Princess]

I love my rings and wear them daily; they've changed through the years but I always wear my e-ring, wedding band, and eternity anniversary band. I take them off to bathe, do dishes (most of the time), work with meat, or do anything with various bread doughs. For many years I took them off to sleep, but after receiving a beautiful ring for my anniversary 5 years ago I finally taught myself to sleep in my most important rings; I realized that I wouldn't be able to grab them if there was a fire.

DH wears a wedding band and always has; first a little 10K yellow gold band and now his much heavier platinum band. Quite often I wear his original band on my middle fingers (he has slim fingers) just because of its sentimental value.

I think people have to do what they feel comfortable with, however. For some people that means not wearing rings. I only think not wearing rings is an issue when one partner wants the other to wear a ring and they still won't.

 

[baby monster]

DH wears his 2mm comfort fit band to work and social events. Otherwise, it's on the desk. I wear my eternity WB to work and social events. Otherwise, it's in the jewelry box. We would be one of those couples with a kid but no rings in the library as we rarely wear rings on weekends. I get hit on regardless of wearing a WB. Not sure about DH

 

[ame]

I noticed a few folks mention that they wish DH would wear one...sure I would LIKE him to wear his, but I knew full well going in he wouldn't, he hates jewelry on him, it's not comfy, and I can't really "enforce" it since I don't wear mine much. I am surprised he knows where his is, I moved it from the ledge of the mantle where he kept it to dust and use that murphy's oil soap one day like 5 years ago, and I didn't move it back and forgot where I moved it to. He must have found it, and put it elsewhere. I have no idea where it is. Mine are always in their little boxes in the pouch. He wears his to weddings and special events and whatnot, which I like. But I don't really care either way. I don't think he really cares if I wear mine either.

My brother in law is quite the opposite. He is almost irate that *we* don't wear our rings. He feels we wasted money on something we never wear. He gets mad at my sister if she doesn't wear hers constantly. They were doing remodeling work themselves, and she took hers off to paint and he flipped out about how much he spent on those and he expects to get their money's worth on those rings. He never takes his off, why should she, "cost per wear!" So she wears hers all the time, despite knowing how much it makes me nuts.

I don't generally give a rip if someone isn't wearing a ring and they are married or not. But it does apparently bother others that I don't wear a ring at all most ofthe time. I started paying more attention to it recently. I had a doctors appointment last week and it was mentioned to me by four people, the doctor included, that I didn't have my ring on. I said "it's with me, right here, completely stupidly placed in my purse." I just didn't put them on yet, and by the time I think of it, itll be like 3 housr before I go home, and by then it's not worth it bec I take them off at home. The receptionist was like "and your husband isn't bothered by that?" I was like "my husband could not care any less. He doesn't wear his, we bought it mostly for the ceremony, I knew he wouldn't likely wear it. Hell I don't even know where it is!"

 

[Polished]

I agree with you ame - wearing rings and when really should come down to personal choice. I also don't think you "get your money's worth" out of them when someone else is making it compulsory. Quality over quantity - you might get more of your money's worth from wearing them now and again and actually enjoy doing so.

I happen to love rings and enjoy mine daily but people who don't ought to may be think about getting a different piece of jewelery for their engagement symbol. My brother gave his now wife a beautiful brooch with an entwined motive, symbolising their lives coming together. For others it might be a necklace or a pair of earrings. I think it's sad, how in some relationships, rings can take on a form of tyranny.

I wouldn't wear my rings if I wasn't married but I don't realy wear them to show others I'm married. When I think about it, I rebel a bit against the idea of sending out a message that "I'm owned". Then again over here in Australia rings don't seem to figure as strongly. I have a couple of friends who don't wear rings at all.

 

[bluegirl123]

I think it's not a big deal if you trust each other...

DH and I eloped and didnt bother with wedding rings, so we both do not wear or have them. I do not officially have an engagement ring either, but usually i rotate wearing my gem stone rings on my right ring finger. We're probably an exception though as I do not know any other couple around our age that did not get engagement ring or wedding bands.

 

[cookies]

I wear my band all the time. DH used to wear his, but his job requires him to take it off from time to time. So he usually leaves it at home nowadays. Better safe than sorry. I am used to him not wearing it.

I think it's fine for married women not to wear rings or bands. It's not a necessity. However, when I see women with a tan line on her ring finger, I do wonder what has happened.

 

[packrat]

JD wears his all the time. He didn't when we first got married and I think he just got so sick of hearing "Oh you must not want to be married today?" that he just quit taking it off at bedtime etc. I take mine off when I'm at home, and if I'm just running to the store or whatever, I don't put anything on. It feels weird tho so I don't like to do it. Sometimes if I'm just sitting here on the computer, like now, I'll put them on just so I can look at them and watch the facets.

 

[galeteia]

I always keep my band on (shower, washing my hands, bed) unless I am doing something that will damage it, but I will take off my e-ring on a regular basis and even leave it at home. I feel unsettled if I don't have my wedding band on, as I fiddle with it as part of my habits to keep myself calm when stressful things happen at work.

I would be hurt if my husband didn't wear his, because our bands match and it's very comforting to see/feel the band when I am holding his hand at home or when we are sleeping. For me, it's a reminder that there is more happiness in our lives beyond the stress and misery of our current situation.

 

[perry]

I do not wear my wedding band at work as it could become a safety or other "foreign material" hazard (you could loose the ring in a location where it could cause significant equipment damage). I generally do not wear it during mornings or evenings on days I work, or in general around the house. I do generally wear it when going somewhere or for special events (but have forgotten it at times).

I also have allergy issues and my fingers can swell. When I wear it - the ring moves between several fingers on the either hand depending where it fits that day (or sometimes time of day).

As far as the symbol and what it means to different people - and even what it means to people looking for a date: I have been approached by females while wearing my wedding band, and even told that yes they knew I was married but they were still interested. Some people (of both sexes) feel that another person is a potential date regardless of the marital status (and may even target someone who is married). Other people consider married people to be off limits; and because I always think of all the possibilities - there are people who would consider the situation on a case by case basis.

Have a great day,

Perry

 

[chrono]

My male colleagues told me this but I don't know how prevalent this is: some ladies and men specifically look for a married person to date or have a fling because they know the married person understands it is temporary (aka no commitment) being that he or she is already married.

 

[qtiekiki]

We both don't wear our rings regularly. DH only wears it for special occasions or when we are attending a wedding or formal events. I wear them on the weekends, but sometimes I forget when I am rushing out of the house with the kids.