Married people not wearing rings...

[Laila619]

I wonder if this is a new 'trend' of sorts? DH and I took our kids to family story time at the library, and like a good + dedicated PSer, I was looking at the other ladies' ring fingers to ogle all the bling. Well, the only kicker was that *none* of the moms had rings on! It's possible they weren't married but not very likely--I think it's more that they just choose not to wear rings. The more I think about it, a lot of people I know who are married do not wear rings at all. My FIL and my father do not. My one girlfriend who is married doesn't wear anything. Some of DH's buddies chose not to wear bands. Prince William doesn't wear a ring. Is this common among your group of friends/family? Do you always wear a ring in public? If you're a parent to small children, do you always wear bling?

 

[sonnyjane]

Good question. My husband can't wear his ring to work and therefore sometimes forgets to put it on when outside of work. While I know that this is no way is a reflection of our marriage, I still for some reason prefer that he wear it lol! I think that is something entirely different from simply choosing not to wear one. I'll give you an example: Two weeks ago I went on a cruise with several single girlfriends. I was the only one married, and I did have a ring. Throughout the 5 days, we got to know a few groups of men who were flirting with the rest of my group and propositioning them for "alone time". Heck they were even flirting with me until I said "I'm married" (so a ring doesn't deter people alone). The response of SEVERAL of them? "So am I." (dirtbags). Anyway, when I asked "then where is your ring?" they'd say "I'm on vacation" or "I don't need one to prove my love" (says the man cheating on his wife lol). I'm not saying that everyone that doesn't wear a ring is a philanderer. I know that isn't true, but to me, being married and not having any type of display of that seems "shady". Why not? A friend of mine has a husband who won't wear his ring because it "doesn't fit". When I asked why he doesn't resize it or get a new one that does fit, she said he just "didn't want to". That's so odd to me. If you really don't want to wear jewelry then fine, I don't expect you to, but for MOST people, it's not that much of an inconvenience, so I don't know why you can't just do it to show that you're married.

 

[Laila619]

Good question. My husband can't wear his ring to work and therefore sometimes forgets to put it on when outside of work. While I know that this is no way is a reflection of our marriage, I still for some reason prefer that he wear it lol! I think that is something entirely different from simply choosing not to wear one. I'll give you an example: Two weeks ago I went on a cruise with several single girlfriends. I was the only one married, and I did have a ring. Throughout the 5 days, we got to know a few groups of men who were flirting with the rest of my group and propositioning them for "alone time". Heck they were even flirting with me until I said "I'm married" (so a ring doesn't deter people alone). The response of SEVERAL of them? "So am I." (dirtbags). Anyway, when I asked "then where is your ring?" they'd say "I'm on vacation" or "I don't need one to prove my love" (says the man cheating on his wife lol). I'm not saying that everyone that doesn't wear a ring is a philanderer. I know that isn't true, but to me, being married and not having any type of display of that seems "shady". Why not? A friend of mine has a husband who won't wear his ring because it "doesn't fit". When I asked why he doesn't resize it or get a new one that does fit, she said he just "didn't want to". That's so odd to me. If you really don't want to wear jewelry then fine, I don't expect you to, but for MOST people, it's not that much of an inconvenience, so I don't know why you can't just do it to show that you're married.

Wow! What jerks.

 

[february2003bride]

One of DH's friends doesn't wear her rings and neither does her DH. They are very active and she's not big into jewelry. Also, my SIL hasn't had her wedding ring on in months and they just got married in August! She didn't want an e-ring, so my brother proposed with the ring that would become her wedding band (2mm plain band). My brother wears his band 24/7 though.

I rarely wear an e-ring anymore, just my plain platinum band. I work with kids, I have kids, I just don't want to worry about rings right now. I can wash my hands and put lotion on and not think twice about my band. I know some women do that with diamond rings but I'm so OCD about clean diamonds, that I can't do that.

 

[Laila619]

One of DH's friends doesn't wear her rings and neither does her DH. They are very active and she's not big into jewelry. Also, my SIL hasn't had her wedding ring on in months and they just got married in August! She didn't want an e-ring, so my brother proposed with the ring that would become her wedding band (2mm plain band). My brother wears his band 24/7 though.

I rarely wear an e-ring anymore, just my plain platinum band. I work with kids, I have kids, I just don't want to worry about rings right now. I can wash my hands and put lotion on and not think twice about my band. I know some women do that with diamond rings but I'm so OCD about clean diamonds, that I can't do that.

This is totally me too, Feb! I have a plain rose gold band I am obsessed with; it's so comfortable, classic, and easy to wear!

 

[sonnyjane]

One of DH's friends doesn't wear her rings and neither does her DH. They are very active and she's not big into jewelry. Also, my SIL hasn't had her wedding ring on in months and they just got married in August! She didn't want an e-ring, so my brother proposed with the ring that would become her wedding band (2mm plain band). My brother wears his band 24/7 though.

I rarely wear an e-ring anymore, just my plain platinum band. I work with kids, I have kids, I just don't want to worry about rings right now. I can wash my hands and put lotion on and not think twice about my band. I know some women do that with diamond rings but I'm so OCD about clean diamonds, that I can't do that.

I don't wear my real set to work either because it would be destroyed, but I do think that you can get a plain band, heck it doesn't have to be gold, I used to have a $30 titanium band that I wore. Just SOMETHING. And again, I completely, logically understand that presence of jewelry isn't necessarily a reflection of the health of your marriage, but it's a good social cue to outsiders.

 

[ruby59]

Growing up, my 3 children were very good at getting under things, but not so much getting out. I would have banged my ring into oblivion while they grew up. So I put it on a chain and wore it around my neck. They are grown up now, but my engagement ring is still there, close to my heart.

My husband hates jewelry. We had a double ring ceremony, but once it was over, that was it for him.

 

[iheartscience]

My husband wears his everywhere except the gym. My dad only ever wears his on special occasions, though, so I never thought not wearing a ring was a big deal. (He does a lot of woodworking and other activities where wearing a ring could injure him.)

I like jewelry so I almost always wear a ring when I'm out and about. I never wear jewelry at home though, and I don't wear it if I'm going to the gym or to play soccer. My husband certainly wouldn't care if I didn't wear one, though.

I think a ring is really just a symbol, and whether my husband wears one or not, I know I can trust him, and vice versa. If you can't trust your spouse then a ring is the least of your problems!

 

[Laila619]

One of DH's friends doesn't wear her rings and neither does her DH. They are very active and she's not big into jewelry. Also, my SIL hasn't had her wedding ring on in months and they just got married in August! She didn't want an e-ring, so my brother proposed with the ring that would become her wedding band (2mm plain band). My brother wears his band 24/7 though.

I rarely wear an e-ring anymore, just my plain platinum band. I work with kids, I have kids, I just don't want to worry about rings right now. I can wash my hands and put lotion on and not think twice about my band. I know some women do that with diamond rings but I'm so OCD about clean diamonds, that I can't do that.

I don't wear my real set to work either because it would be destroyed, but I do think that you can get a plain band, heck it doesn't have to be gold, I used to have a $30 titanium band that I wore. Just SOMETHING. And again, I completely, logically understand that presence of jewelry isn't necessarily a reflection of the health of your marriage, but it's a good social cue to outsiders.

I agree with you, SonnyJane. Heck, I even found a $7 (!) stainless steel band on Amazon to use as my 'travel' band. A ring doesn't make a marriage, but I do think it's nice to wear something to announce to the world that you are committed to someone.

 

[JewelFreak]

Some people -- more men than women, I think -- just don't like to wear jewelry. My father didn't have a wedding ring -- didn't like the way it felt. DH used to keep his on all the time until he, ahem, outgrew it. Can't get it on anymore. I don't care if he uses it or not -- I don't feel he needs to have a badge.

I take my rings off at home. Too often go rushing out & forget to put them on. That irritates me -- I LOVE my bling, but on those occasions, I might be one of those you see & wonder why they don't wear a wedding ring, lol.

--- Laurie

 

[bunnycat]

I notice that too around here where I live. I see lots of ladies with multiple kids but no ring (and I can surely understand that based on what you guys say. I wouldn't want to worry about it either.) A lot of people around here are low key. I often see more silver (or white gold???) bands and colored stones than diamonds, or large YG bands. My sparkly magpie tendencies tend to be the exception around here.

Hubz parents don't wear their rings (but both of them have arthritis) and neither is overly interested in jewelry and it's not their personality. Hubz likes nice things though, and has a collection of a variety of "man bling" (antique tie tacks and cuff-links for his formal shirts, a couple of rings and his w-ring). The w-ring is Damascus steel with a bezel set diamond...so that makes it interesting in a "manly" way. I think one of the reasons he's an exception to what most men do here is that he plays flute (Mostly Baroque flute), and so is used to having to dress up for concerts and all through college he had to have a Tux for performances so that kind of made him used to dressing up in general and think it has stuck with him.

Most of own family has little experience or interest in jewelry, and most of what they are familiar with is "mall jewelry" and can't really understand the quality difference or why one might be willing to pay more for it. My dad is again, an exception. He and his ex-wife dealt in estate and vintage pieces and I have a couple of things from him that I will never part with (a Victorian 5 opal and OMC diamond ring and an emerald necklace).

 

[Dancing Fire]

I wonder if this is a new 'trend' of sorts? DH and I took our kids to family story time at the library, and like a good + dedicated PSer, I was looking at the other ladies' ring fingers to ogle all the bling. Well, the only kicker was that *none* of the moms had rings on! It's possible they weren't married but not very likely--I think it's more that they just choose not to wear rings. The more I think about it, a lot of people I know who are married do not wear rings at all. My FIL and my father do not. My one girlfriend who is married doesn't wear anything. Some of DH's buddies chose not to wear bands. Prince William doesn't wear a ring. Is this common among your group of friends/family? Do you always wear a ring in public? If you're a parent to small children, do you always wear bling?

yes,when i had one before i got robbed,and if my wife ever stop wearing her diamond ring then i'll have it re-set into a gent's ring...

 

[Nyc2chigal]

I noticed that, and kudos to them (especially if their relationship is solid, unlike those jerks on the cruise ship).
For me though... I like bling.. so...

 

[Smith1942]

Throughout the earliest cultures where marriage is found - and all of them since then - the wedding ring has been a fundamental symbol of marriage, signalling a vastly different state from singledom. In England, wedding rings were originally a pagan symbol that the Christians nicked. Wedding rings have been around for a very, very long time and they have endured due to their huge significance. The wedding ring isn't jewellery, it's "a sign of our marriage" as the Church of England marriage service goes.

So I actually think it's a little odd when married people don't wear any kind of ring at all, unless it's for practical reasons: Young kids, police work, animal work, medical work, or if you have arthritic fingers. Mind you, a thin, plain, flat band would be OK in some of those situations too. My wedding ring is a thin 2mm plain platinum band which I think looks chic on its own. My e-ring is set quite high so it's not practical always, but I wear my wedding ring full-time except in bed.

However it's true that a ring doesn't always mean anything. I had an old friend from high school who grew up to be a married police officer. Well, he'd been married three times by the age of 40. Anyway, he always wore a wedding ring but he was the dirtiest dog you could imagine, always looking for a quick lay from anything that moved and he never seemed to suffer a pang of guilt. And he was always fully ringed. He was not exactly a friend - just someone from the circle at high school. I knew women in the town who he'd seriously propositioned while married - and some who'd taken him up on it - so it wasn't just rumour.

But extremes aside, it can be something of an insult to your significant other not to wear one. I have another friend from whom I've distanced myself because among other things, I don't like the way she treats her nice husband, in different bad ways. He wears his ring with pride whereas her beautiful e-ring and plain wedding band sit permanently in a drawer. She won't even wear them on dressy occasions. And she's a writer who works from home - no reason not to wear them. I think this is a passive-aggressive stance - she even had her husband in tears not long before the wedding, because she'd made him wonder if she would actually marry him. I think her refusal to have anything whatsoever to do with the rings he gave her is a form of control.

I don't really like the fact that Prince William doesn't wear one - his finger is publicly empty, and I don't think that's very nice for Kate, especially after the long years of waiting, the public break-ups - and the rumours that he preferred Isabella Calthorpe but she refused him so he went back to Kate. I think it would be much more respectful towards her to wear one. I know it wouldn't be so practical when he's on duty, but he's off-duty plenty.

In terms of the people in my world, everyone I know who's married wears some form of ring most of the time, except the friend who's not nice to her husband.

If you permanently refuse to wear a ring of any kind without a good reason, it basically isn't very nice for your spouse. Maybe they will retaliate, maybe they will take theirs off too. That's not good.

Generally speaking, the majority of people who are married wear a ring of some kind, and it has been ever thus.

ETA: Full disclosure, I believe strongly in marriage and its romance, and I believe that everyone should be able to get married regardless of sexual orientation. I think that it's a great way to spend your life if you find the right person, and to me, love, marriage, rings all go together in the same gooey package of lurrrrve!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

DH and I aren't ring wearers. I love my husband. And I love diamonds. I love my ring. I just don't want to wear it every day because I'm more comfortable without it.

 

[chrono]

In my family, we rarely wear any rings, be it RHR, e-ring or even wedding bands. There is no particular reason for it either. I often do not wear any rings at all.

 

[TooPatient]

FI's band came with a free titanium band. He can wear the nice one every day and swap to the titanium for dirty work. He doesn't get the symbolism thing (which is great because he is all in favor of me getting upgrades) but having some sort of ring on really matters to me. He tried telling me that he isn't really a jewelry person.... I told him that we could have a tattoo artist at the wedding if he'd prefer that sort of band on his finger. His band is ordered and should be here any time

All married people we know do wear rings. Including while doing dirty work.

 

[tammy77]

I'm guilty of this. I don't intentionally go without it, but I take it off at night these days and mornings are so hectic that I just forget to put it on. Between trying to get our 8 & 10 year girls out the door on time and make it to work while being pregnant, it's just not always something I remember to grab. It does make me feel very self conscious though when I'm obviously pregnant and have two other kids in tow. I probably wouldn't worry about it, but our town is quite...conservative.

I love my ring and I would wear it all the time, but my hands swell at night now so I can't. I need to find an inexpensive but pretty temp band, maybe in rose gold.

My DH is much better than I am about it though and almost always remembers to put his on in the morning. His is too loose and he's lost it in the middle of the night before! He technically shouldn't wear it to work, but since he doesn't have to work on the machines anymore he just wears it anyhow.

 

[yennyfire]

I don't know anyone who doesn't wear a ring of some kind (men included).

 

[ame]

As you all know, I am guilty of this. I RARELY wear mine. Partly to prevent damage, and partly for comfort and ease of use. I can't use my hands fully if I have jewelry on. And I like to use my hands. I do go in to work some days with the best of intentions to put A ring on...and never get to it. But I do work in a situation now where a lot of unemployed or underemployed folks are here and after quite a few remarks about it...I generally don't feel AS comfortable anymore wearing them here. And usually I just go right now after work, so there's not a lot of sense in putting it on to walk to the car. I just hold my purse ridiculously tight.

 

[mary poppins]

My husband doesn't wear his wedding band. Having not worn jewelry before, he found the wedding band to be uncomfortable even though it was a Comfort Fit style. It doesn't upset me and I don't think it's disrespectful to me or our marriage. I'd prefer he wear the ring since I spent money on it and get a kick out of seeing him wear it. But it's not necessary just to make a statement to people we know or don't know.

I take my rings off when I get home, and sometimes I forget to put them back on before I leave the house. I never wear them while playing golf. I don't wear my engagement ring under some circumstances, and DH does not get offended. On the contrary, he usually thinks it's a good idea.

FIL never wears a wedding ring. MIL doesn't always wear her set.

 

[mayerling]

I have a baby so I'm weary of wearing of my rings around him; plus, my diamond is chipped (and uninsured) so I'd rather not risk losing it.

 

[Harpertoo]

My observation is the further away from the wedding day, the more casual the ring wearing becomes.
Things change after a few years, and most couples I know are secure enough in who they are and what their relationship means that the ring is less important. You have years of history as a couple/family - not just the wedding and rings.
My husband and I go to the gym or run pretty much everyday and sometimes the rings never make it on after that. I don't always remember to look at other moms when I 'm at my daughter's school, but I know I try to remember to not wear a ring. I lead some art classes and it's better to leave the jewelry at home.

 

[february2003bride]

One of DH's friends doesn't wear her rings and neither does her DH. They are very active and she's not big into jewelry. Also, my SIL hasn't had her wedding ring on in months and they just got married in August! She didn't want an e-ring, so my brother proposed with the ring that would become her wedding band (2mm plain band). My brother wears his band 24/7 though.

I rarely wear an e-ring anymore, just my plain platinum band. I work with kids, I have kids, I just don't want to worry about rings right now. I can wash my hands and put lotion on and not think twice about my band. I know some women do that with diamond rings but I'm so OCD about clean diamonds, that I can't do that.

This is totally me too, Feb! I have a plain rose gold band I am obsessed with; it's so comfortable, classic, and easy to wear!

I bought a 2mm 14k rose gold band from EWB and it is like BUTTER! I had my children's names engraved on the inside and it's suppose to be my RHR but when I do wear it, I stack it with my halo or I wear it alone as a wedding band. But like I said, it's been my platinum band that I've been wearing 24/7 recently.

I should add, DH wears his wedding band 24/7. I love it. It's dinged and should be polished but I love that he never takes it off and that it's the one we picked out and that I put on his finger at our ceremony. Love that.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I know lots of men who do not wear wedding or RHR--just their professional rings (engineer, geologist iron rings.) I have also seen men wear other University grad rings, yet not a wedding band.

I teach (volunteer) ESL on Fridays and often do not see wedding rings on married women in the class.

cheers--Sharon

 

[sonnyjane]

I have a 4mm tan line on my left ring finger, so if for some reason I did take my ring off, it would be still be quite obvious that I am married!

 

[missy]

I usually wear my ER and WB when I go out of the house and take them off as soon as I come home. Very rarely I might just wear one of my WB's without my ER but this is a rare occurrence. My dh always wears his WB (he has a few but he always wears one) except when sleeping/showering. My dad never wore his WB-he just doesn't like wearing any jewelry except a watch. My mom used to wear her ER all the time but these days I notice she doesn't always have it on. Sometimes she just wears her WB. She however never wears her ER on the same finger as the WB. She never did. My sister always wears both rings (at least whenever I see her).

Most of my friends wear their rings. I can only think of one who doesn't.

 

[Enerchi]

I love wearing my rings! I rarely wear my original wb now but I usually always have something on. My DH has his original wb and refuses to have it polished or re milgrained or a new one w a diamond in it... Mind you, just having been in NYC and looking at all the things on 47th st, he IS considering a new RG band. He waited till our 20th anniversary, right at 430pm when we were married, before he took off his too tight ring for resizing. Awe-- so sweet!!

 

[missy]

I love wearing my rings! I rarely wear my original wb now but I usually always have something on. My DH has his original wb and refuses to have it polished or re milgrained or a new one w a diamond in it... Mind you, just having been in NYC and looking at all the things on 47th st, he IS considering a new RG band. He waited till our 20th anniversary, right at 430pm when we were married, before he took off his too tight ring for resizing. Awe-- so sweet!!

That is so sweet Enerchi! As you know, my dh would never wear a ring with a diamond in it either. And I think he might get a RG WB band too! I think it will look great on both of our dh's. Maybe I'll get one too!

 

[Enerchi]

I love wearing my rings! I rarely wear my original wb now but I usually always have something on. My DH has his original wb and refuses to have it polished or re milgrained or a new one w a diamond in it... Mind you, just having been in NYC and looking at all the things on 47th st, he IS considering a new RG band. He waited till our 20th anniversary, right at 430pm when we were married, before he took off his too tight ring for resizing. Awe-- so sweet!!

That is so sweet Enerchi! As you know, my dh would never wear a ring with a diamond in it either. And I think he might get a RG WB band too! I think it will look great on both of our dh's. Maybe I'll get one too!

We can get a group deal on 4 bands!! I love my little RG spacer...