looking for a creative solution to an engagement ring conundrum

[Tourmaline]

I don't mean to add negativity, but I can't stand Toi et Moi rings. Really - I would never, ever wear one. I think you should get her the radiant sapphire three-stone ring she wants. if you don't want to spend the money to match your grandmother's ring, purchase smaller diamond side stones and, as someone else said, use your grandmother's diamond in a pendant.

 

[DenverT]

Thanks for everyone's input. To complicate matters, she finally saw a Toi et Moi ring that she loves. So I think I'm going to let the idea float around her head a bit and see what she thinks after she has had time to think about it. Here is what she saw that she really loves--I don't know if we would go with a blue or a pink sapphire instead of the ruby but both of us really like it:

She is also contemplating a major lifestyle shift after we get married that would involve her being much tougher on a ring--would something like the above be "safer" than a traditional 3 stone that would probably reach up higher off the finger or would the extra stones make it more likely to be damaged?

 

[SparkliesLuver]

Very pretty example.

When you say tougher, please explain. For example, I have a friend who is tough on her ring because she wears rubber gloves everyday. She has a bezeled stone so there aren't any edges or points. Then I have another friend who is a weightlifter, so she switches her normal ring for a silicone ring when in the gym.

 

[vintagelover229]

That is lovely!
I think that in a bezel style setting instead made/designed by david klass would be a very safe bet. I'm sure the setting wouldn't be terribly expensive, and I'm sure he could also source a nice sapphire for you as well. Can't hurt to send that pic to him and ask him to give you a quote. I really really like it and I think bezel would make it even more lovely!

 

[chroman]

Another thing to thing about with that design - with two 5mm stones stacked, you'll have some signifigant finger coverage. At some point you might try to mock up something to make sure its not "too long" to be comfortable.

 

[rockysalamander]

I love that moi and toi. With a bezel setting, it should be pretty low-set. But, depending on what she will do for work, a sapphire may not be a safe choice. They can scratch pretty easily.

What about these sapphires?
http://www.customgemstones.com/SAPPHIRE/sa1735.html
http://www.customgemstones.com/NewStone.html
http://www.earthstreasury.com/product/0-78-carat-pastel-lilac-montana-sapphire/
http://www.precisiongem.com/gemstackpage/gems.php?product/page/297/Gem+1726-+Pink+/+Purple+Sapphire

 

[Niel]

What size is the stone? I might have a good idea for the second stone.

 

[DenverT]

In terms of her possible job/lifestyle shift, we may move out more to the country--I would commute a little further and she would quit her job and garden and dedicate herself more to her art. Obviously she could take it off when she is setting about to do a project so I do not think it will necessarily be a huge safety issue--but I could definitely see her just going out to get the mail and seeing a bunch of things she needs to do while having the ring on.

 

[DenverT]

Another thing to thing about with that design - with two 5mm stones stacked, you'll have some signifigant finger coverage. At some point you might try to mock up something to make sure its not "too long" to be comfortable.

That is a very good point--thanks for making it. I think it will be fine as she has REALLY long fingers--my hands are bigger than hers, but finger to finger, hers are slightly longer than mine. But it is still worth trying something to make sure it won't become annoying once the excitement wears off. And pointing out to her that it will probably end up being at least as big if not bigger than any radiant cut (that would be reasonably affordable) makes her even more excited about this possibility.

I'm going to give it a couple of days for her to let it soak in a bit and then make sure that she is still loving this idea before moving forward with anything as she has been thinking about radiant cuts for a couple of months.

 

[DenverT]

What size is the stone? I might have a good idea for the second stone.

the diamond is a tiny bit over 5mm. I hope to be able to leave work early enough to swing by a jeweler that did one of my best friend's engagement rings a couple months ago to get the diamond looked at and get more info about it.

 

[SparkliesLuver]

Based on your response, I'd say making sure it's set as low as possible would be key. I wouldn't worry about prongs as a good jeweler will make sure they won't snag or catch on anything. The only slightly tricky part with the ring design would be a wedding band. Would she want something to contour one side or would she be alright with a regular band that sits well below it? Just stuff to think about.

 

[Burmesedaze]

I have to agree that That is the first toi et moi ring I've seen and like.

Goodluck with everything

 

[partgypsy]

I do like that design. It could probably be made relatively low, with the shaped bezels on the sides. looks like multiple prongs for the center stones.
As with any ring even if made with sapphire and diamonds, they are always going to be more delicate than a solid metal ring. If you can afford it I'd recommend platinum because supposedly the prongs bend but are less likely to break.

 

[DenverT]

So I finally made it by the jeweler yesterday to get info on the diamond and get my girlfriend's ring size instead of just going off what she thought it was.
The diamond:
0.45 carat, VS2, F color with a diameter of 4.93mm
He said it would cost around $1000-1100 to match if I decide to go the three stone ring route. I imagine
I might be able to get a better deal myself.

He also said that he could use the gold from my grandmother's ring for a ring for my girlfriend. I thought that I had read that you were not supposed to do this as impurities that it had picked up over the years could make it not be the correct proportions of metals. Is that correct or is it common for them to just melt an old ring and turn it into a new one?

 

[IslandBB]

I love this ring design you both found! Just lovely! My engagement ring is a toi et moi and I have small hands. It's a bypass style, so I had no space for a wedding band. I also decided I wanted a nice thick wedding band which is 8mm wide and tapers in the back for comfort. I had no problem whatsoever after we were married wearing my engagement ring on my right hand and band on my left hand. I personally like doing this because, aside form lack of finger space, I appreciate each individual ring this way. I'm sure she already has an idea about the band though!

My understanding from using old gold to make a new ring is that new gold is added to the old gold. Since it has to be melted down and reconstituted into a piece of jewelry, you'll typically need more than a ring to make a ring. So, new gold is added to the old gold ring and the combination should turn out to be the correct proportion of metals based on the karats that are combined. I saw a youtube video a while back, there are many that take you through the process.
Good luck to you and your future fiancee!!

 

[bianka]

It's a really charming, lovely delicately designed and yet practical ring that you two are considering but I have to emphasize that she should make sure she loves it bc it looks like a RHR to me and I would think to many people. Since she started out wanting something much more traditionally engagement, it's something to consider.

 

[cmd2014]

It's a really charming, lovely delicately designed and yet practical ring that you two are considering but I have to emphasize that she should make sure she loves it bc it looks like a RHR to me and I would think to many people. Since she started out wanting something much more traditionally engagement, it's something to consider.

+1. I think you'd be better off in the long run doing what you initially thought and using it as one of two side stones in a 3 stone ring, or not using it at all. That said, my ring is a solitaire of about that size and it honestly doesn't read as being small. You could go that route and reset it into a 3 stone later as budget permits.

 

[DenverT]

It's a really charming, lovely delicately designed and yet practical ring that you two are considering but I have to emphasize that she should make sure she loves it bc it looks like a RHR to me and I would think to many people. Since she started out wanting something much more traditionally engagement, it's something to consider.

Thanks for your input...there is still a chance that we might go with that toi et moi ring but you do bring up some very good points. She does love that ring but it does look much more like something that a great grandmother would have as her engagement ring or something that someone might give their daughter for graduating high school more than a "modern" engagement ring. Right now, I'm still just looking around a bit and trying to pry her for hints. I've shown her that option and many others but I'm a bit old fashioned and as much as I want to make sure that she loves the ring, I also want what the ring ultimately looks like to be at least a little bit of a surprise.

Here is one I found last night that she loves:

She really likes the idea of having something extend perpendicular to the band as she has really long fingers. I also quite like the above, but the side sapphires are a little small and I wonder if it would look as nice if they were to be a little bigger...