Living together before marriage...

[fancyrock]

Date: 11/23/2004 11:49:31 AM
Author: Matata
Ohhhh, I am soooooo sick of the cow/milk analogy. So, it''s ok to buy the cow and pay for the milk which means marriage is nothing but legal prostitution? Anyway, here''s a joke I found that gives another perspective:

For all those who say: “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.''
Here''s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.
Why?
''Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.''

I didn''t preview my first husband; marriage lasted 22 years. I''m previewing the 2nd. My udders are dry so he isn''t gettin'' anything for free.

Matata - you are too funny!! I''m cracking up at my desk.... people are starting to think i have a problem.
I have gotten a email that used the pig/sausage analogy. Marriage shouldn''t be viewed as "what you can get out
of it" (for free or not).


***Nothing is really free nowadays.... read the fine print!!***

 

[Hest88]

Well, I didn''t live together with my first husband before we were married, so when I my now DH and I first started dating I refused to marry him *without* first living together. As it was, we ironed out all the initial "living together" kinks so when we did get married we didn''t have any of the first year bumps that many couples experience.

 

[snlee]

Haha. It''s so funny to be reading about everyone''s pet peeves!

Seems like most of you lived together before marriage. How did parents react? I guess my question is geared towards people who were 22-25ish when moving in together.

[ I''ve graduated from college and living with the parents right now trying to save up money. I REALLY miss spending nights with my honey. We haven''t for months now. When I had my own apartment he would spend weekends visiting, which sometimes my parents knew about it. They weren''t too thrilled about that but what could they do? He could never spend the night at my house now. And I haven''t gotten the guts to tell my parents I''m spending the weekend at his house. We basically spend all of Sat and Sun together except sleeping. If I tell them I''m moving out to live with him.....I''m not sure how they will react. I guess they just have to deal with it since it''s MY life!]

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

Author: AGBF
Gee... does everyone here seriously practice some religion that frowns on sex except between a husband and wife?

not that I am pedantic or anything... ( honest...

) but don''t most religions frown on sex except between a husband and wife ( /wives )? (this was a rhetorical question, sorry, I have ocd lol, can''t help myself...)

Some of us don''t think God-if there is one-has to be involved involved in it. That doesn''t make us amoral; it just means we make our choices based on criteria other than what a certain religion decrees to be correct.

I am not sure you have to be religious to believe in this kind of thing, I think that a lot of social conservatives are not necessarily regular church-goers. but it is true that most religious people are social conservatives.

ultimately, it comes down to what is right for the couple concerned

 

[Bikergirl]

This thread is one of the most amusing I''ve seen in a LONG time!

Reena - I think we''re twins! Did you have a sister that was separated at birth? I''m laughing SO hard!

I think living together can be right or wrong depending on the reasons. Mostly as stated above - if you''re testing the waters, one (or both) of you probably isn''t ready for that kind of commitment. If you know you will be together always and have outside circumstances that would make it more beneficial to go ahead and move in together - then go for it!

We lived together for almost a year, but it was due to extenuating circumstances. My husband has lived in a townhome he bought almost 15 years ago. I have never owned a house and was working toward saving the cash for a down payment when we met. Skip ahead a few years....his father passed away one year before the townhome purchase. At that time, the family owned a house in the city and a lake house. Mom sold the house in the city (didn''t want the payments) and moved to the lake (paid in full). She has been out there ever since.

Skip ahead to where I enter the picture.... His mom is not doing very well and has some very serious health issues that need to be monitored on a regular basis. Husband has two older sisters who are a little flaky (trying to be nice, here). Mom would like to move back to the city (access to medical facilities being one of the main reasons). Now-husband (then boyfriend....not even engaged yet) asks sisters for financial assistance to get her back into town. Sisters both threw a fit and said that he was crazy for thinking she even wanted to move, and inisisted she was perfectly fine at the lake (2 hours from town).

Then-boyfriend was talking to me about his frustrations, and I offered to help. We came up with an arrangement that made everyone happy - I moved into his townhome, Mom used some of her savings to front the closing costs, the house is financed in my name and I make the payments.

So we did move in together for financial reasons, but not really to benefit us. In the long run, yes it will benefit us. At some point we will be able to sell that house and hopefully make a profit. Although we''re hoping that doesn''t happen for many, many years!

At that point, we hadn''t even talked about marriage. However, we had been together over two years, and I knew we would spend our lives together. Having the ring wasn''t a big deal to me - and honestly, it didn''t make a difference to me when I got it, or when we got married.

Having said that....it made a HUGE difference to HIM! We had an adjustment period when we moved in together, but we worked through things pretty easily. We got married and bought a house (sold his townhome and used the profits to purchase a VERY nice home for the two of us!), and suddenly he treated me differently. He''s much more respectful toward me now, and he really thinks and acts in terms of "we" instead of "I". I was really surprised to be honest! I like it!

But even though things have gone pretty smoothly, there has been a LOT of compromise. I don''t know where everyone here is located, but have you all seen Friends? (I''m sure that''s a stupid question) I have to say, I can totally relate to Monica. Sad, I know.

I am so anal about oh....everything....it''s just easier on both of us if I take care of the daily grind and then we work together on big projects (like landscaping and remodeling).

As for the clothes hangers...I''ve got you beat! How about not hanging from hooks, not throwing in a corner, NO! He throws his dirty clothes *ON THE LID* of the hamper!!! I even left the lid up one day, and he hooked them over side! How freakin'' hard can it be to get your clothes all the way IN!!!

But we''re happy. hehe

It does drive him crazy when I follow him around the house picking up after him. And it drives me crazy when he leaves a trail everywhere he goes. But we joke about it, and we both are able to tell each other to back off if necessary, so I suppose that makes it all good, right?

 

[Mara]

My two cents...I think it is absolutely necessary to live together before marriage because unfortunately love cannot necessarily overcome ALL obstacles, aka toilet seat down or up. BUT having done it with Greg and once before, I believe that you have to be on some path to marriage that is clear to both of you, with a timeline firmly in place, or else it's just too easy to nebulously live together with no clear path or timeline to tying the knot. Having done the aimless living together thing with an old boyfriend, there was no real reason for us to feel like we should set a wedding date. Also living together showed us we should not really be married!

But with Greg, we had both done that aimless thing before, so we decided not to move in together until we were engaged or very nearly about to be, with a wedding date down the road and knowing we were committed to being together as opposed to 'well lets see if it works out'. Living together for us was crucial to ensure that we could start to work on the 'harmony' of merging both our lives together before the wedding as we were both pretty independent with strong ideas on how to do things. Also we ended up buying our house before we got married which worked out really nicely.

So my short answer, I definitely think that two people should cohabitate before marriage (the older you get, the more crucial because it does take time to overcome that exteme independence that most older people have adopted from years of living alone and taking care of themselves), but there should be a marriage light at the end of the tunnel so that it doesn't become easier to not get married than TO get married.

The funny thing about us and living together is that Greg is the anal clean freak, but he is a 'pile' creator as well!! He pitches a fit when I leave the coffee grinds in the maker, but do I complain about his piles around the dining room table of bills and other important documents? I'm definitely the more easy-going one in the household though he might call it lazy.

 

[yanekie25]

Date: 11/23/2004 1

0:23 PM
Author: snlee
Haha. It''s so funny to be reading about everyone''s pet peeves!

Seems like most of you lived together before marriage. How did parents react? I guess my question is geared towards people who were 22-25ish when moving in together.

[ I''ve graduated from college and living with the parents right now trying to save up money. I REALLY miss spending nights with my honey. We haven''t for months now. When I had my own apartment he would spend weekends visiting, which sometimes my parents knew about it. They weren''t too thrilled about that but what could they do? He could never spend the night at my house now. And I haven''t gotten the guts to tell my parents I''m spending the weekend at his house. We basically spend all of Sat and Sun together except sleeping. If I tell them I''m moving out to live with him.....I''m not sure how they will react. I guess they just have to deal with it since it''s MY life!]

To answer your question, I am 26, 22 then. My mom wasn''t happy, and still isn''t, but she got over it. My parents don''t support me financially, so I really thought and they respected, they didn''t really have a say. I will admit I didn''t tell them at first, but I eventually did it. It was hard, but I pretty much chose my side, BF, and let them know they could either get on the bus or watch it leave the station. They would have to respect him and me. It was little things like calling the house ignoring his presence. Just rude. I don''t think it needs to be that extreme, but it was necessary with my parents. The first holiday he came to my home, my mom put him up in a hotel. Something about people knowing she harbored her daughter and her boyfriend under the same roof. The next time he was in the guest room. Baby steps. It took time, but now its better. I know my mom still doesn''t like it. We have lived in NY for like 4 years. My mom has never been here or seen where I live. My dad, much more liberal, just came this past May. 4 years after he dropped me off in NYC after college. It was weird. I slept with bedroom door open to not have my dad think anything. It was silly, but you are always daddy''s girl. My parents and BF''s parents raised us to be very independent which I guess bit them in the butt this time. So, ultimately they respected that. I did know that if I ever had financial issues, my parents would be the last to call. It did strain our relationship, but I think as you grow, you begin to see your parents as humans with their own faults and they realize that you have a life that is outside of them. Part of life I guess.

 

[goldengirl]

LMAO @the pig analogy!!!

I''m getting a major kick out of everybody''s pet peeves, but I definitely got you all beat: fi2b thinks my minor OCD quirk is the funniest thing EVER, and intentionally aggravates me. The one thing I cannot stand is when he leaves the cupboard doors or drawers open, either all the way or just a little bit. I HATE that!! He''ll push the drawer shut but not close it all the way, or tap the cupboard door so it "almost" closes, and then watch me follow along behind him and shut doors and drawers. It makes him laugh every time. I do it almost without thinking, just walk over and shut it and not even really notice that I''m doing it. He thinks it''s great.

I commiserate with the laundry thing! I added a hamper to our (postage-stamp-sized) closet because it''s too much trouble for him to walk into the bathroom and put his clothes in the hamper. So I squeezed in a hamper for him in the closet. Guess where his clothes go now? On the floor, NEXT to the hamper.

But he puts up with my blanket-hogging so I don''t complain too much.

 

[Bikergirl]

OK, how''s this one for ya (BTW, this is when we decided it''s easier for me to do ALL the chores...) Ya know how you''re supposed to rinse dishes before you put them in the dishwasher? He doesn''t. Doesn''t even bother to scrape them. Just throws them in there, and doesn''t bother to organize them well, either.

Well, one day when I opened the dishwasher and found some of my tupperware flipped over, full of water, and stained by leftover spaghetti sauce..... eeewwww!

But before we met, he wouldn''t even think twice about that. They were in the dishwasher, they must be clean, right?

 

[snlee]

hey Bikergirl, tell your guy that he''s lucky to have a dish washer and doesn''t have to wash the dishes by hand. (I don''t have a dish washer and wash all my dishes by hand!) The least he could do is rise the dishes and keep them organized!

 

[fancyrock]

Date: 11/23/2004 3:44:57 PM
Author: Bikergirl

Well, one day when I opened the dishwasher and found some of my tupperware flipped over, full of water, and stained by leftover spaghetti sauce..... eeewwww!

But before we met, he wouldn''t even think twice about that. They were in the dishwasher, they must be clean, right?

Eeeeeeewww, is right!! hahahahaha....

my H2B is okay with washing dishes the good old fashion way. What he doesn''t like doing is putting the dishes away when they are done drying. Ehh... go figure!! The good thing about us as a team is that... what we don''t like doing is something that the other person doesn''t mind doing. So... we off set each other quite nicely. For example, I don''t like shredding cheese so he''ll do it. (I KNOW... I KNOW... they come with the shredded kind now, but we buy our cheese block from Sam''s Club.

) And since we both don''t like dusting (allergy) and cleaning the bathroom, we have someone to come in every 4 weeks to do that.

*** SO...? what bugs you about your mate? ***

 

[KSparkles]

Wow what an entertaining thread! Here''s my experience...FI & I have been together for 4 1/2 years, and have been engaged since July 2004. We always had separate apartments, and slept over at each other''s places like 99.9% of the time. Really, we were living together but not "technically", as we were still paying rent and utilities at our own apartments. Fast forward to this past January, when FI came over one night and I said "when are you going to move in already??" And he said he had actually come over to talk about that - we had discussed living together in the past, and I always said I wanted to be engaged beforehand. But then I figured out that it was just an arbitrary rule I''d made up, and just went with my intuition. FI & I decided to live together during our discussion that night, and he moved in the following Saturday. I was 23, he was 25, and our parents were both cool with it. Actually, I was TERRIFIED to tell my parents (especially dad since I''m his only girl!) but they literally had the opposite reaction of what I expected. Both of them pretty much said that they figured it would happen soon, and that they were happy for us. So, we lived together for 7 months and then got engaged, and we''re getting married in June 2006. I love living together, and get really excited still every time he comes home from work. Our biggest issue, like most of you, is the freakin'' DISHES! We have no dishwasher, so dishes pile up in the sink and I nicely hint to FI that I''d love him to do the dishes. We supposedly have a system that if I cook, he does the dishes - it works maybe 1/2 the time. Other than that, we''re cool! I''m all for living together before marriage if both people agree on where their relationship is going and no one is pushing anyone else into it...BTW I LOVE that pig/sausage analogy - haha!

 

[fire&ice]

Didn''t live together with my hubby. The first year "bump" was a way of developing good resolution skills.

That said, how could someone really not know a person before marriage. You may find out some quirks - but those are just quirks - not core stuff. If one can''t resolve or overlook quirks, then one should never get married to anyone.

Reena - piles - yep, except I''m the one with the piles. Piles of crap as hubby refers to them. But, I know how to put my finger on something in a heartbeat.

He was always losing things until *he* started piles.

 

[Matata]

His quirks:
Eats leftovers straight from the dishes in the frig and leaves a teaspoon of food in the dish.
Leaves kitchen cupboards and drawers open because "it saves time".
Never finishes emptying the dishwasher...always leaves a few clean items in it. He can''t even explain that one.
Blows his nose in the bathroom sink (yes, we do have separate bathrooms & a housekeeper).
Piles garbage beside the garbage bin rather than putting it in the bin.

My quirks:
OCD -- a place for everything and everything in its place.
Don''t mess with my kitchen.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

the pig analogy is hilarious. Can I use this as my signiture line. lol

 

[snlee]

MichelleCarmen, I''m sure you could. I don''t know who came up with that analogy but it''s in an email that''s been circulating around for awhile....

 

[lindsal]

Bikergirl---- Oh I so hear you on the whole dishwasher skills. My DF a) doesn''t rinse either.. and I mean even if stuff is coated on there and b) just tosses thing in there any old way so that nothing fits and nothing gets clean, and there is STILL a whole pile of dirty dishes in the sink that "didn''t fit.!" Ugh, drives me nuts.

And how about this one... any one else have these:

1) Standing at sink washing hands. Both hand towel and paper towels within in reach, what''s he do... SHAKE HIS WET HANDS ALL OVER THE PLACE SO EVERYTHING IN THE KICTHEN GET WET!!!!

2) We currently have only one sink in our master bath. He shaves. A) Doesn''t rinse sink fully and B) doesn''t wipe off the edge of the counter so when I come in to brush teeth/brush hair I inevitably lean up against the wet sink and ruin/stain clothes I just put on.

Argggh. Small peeves, definatly overcomable. But oooohhh boooy they bug me.

 

[snlee]

1) Standing at sink washing hands. Both hand towel and paper towels within in reach, what''s he do... SHAKE HIS WET HANDS ALL OVER THE PLACE SO EVERYTHING IN THE KICTHEN GET WET!!!!

lindsal - I know what you are taking about! I share your pain. The sink and mirror gets all wet! It''s NOT hard to use the damn hand towel! My honey uses his shirt! Everytime he gets out of the bathroom is shirt is wet!

Can someone tell me what DF stand for? I''ve been seeing it a lot.....

 

[jenwill]

DF= Dear/darling Fiance
DH= Dear/darling Husband etc, etc

 

[Nicrez]

I couldn''t stop laughing at this thread! HYSTERICAL!

Yanekie25 : As for the socks thing that he airs out them out, that had me laughing SO HARD...

Mine simply leaves his stinkers in the shoes for the next day... I have bought him over 30 pairs of black/dark socks of excellent quality since we had that first discussion, and what does he do with a drawer full of socks? Saves his used pair. How frugal.... Worse yet, we have a walk-in closet that we share (ok, so I gave him a small corner for suits) and he leaves his shoes there (after I REMIND him to move them there) WITH the stinky socks. he knows that if anything THAT is my major pet peeve... Stinky socks...small confined closet with unfiltered air... I use airfreshner packets in there constantly, so when you open the closet, it smells nice and leaves the clothes smelling nice. Sometimes the socks overpower the freshner and THAT''S NOT so NICE!

Why honestly are men and women SO different? Most women here are saying they are more organized and detailed oriented, whereas men are not as much so, and tend to ignore the details we women harp over... I wonder why...

 

[snlee]

That''s what I thought but wasn''t sure. Thanks for clarifying Jenwill!

 

[mightyred]

This is a great thread! Highly amusing!

My boyfriend and I have lived together for a year (plan on getting married next year) and things have been great and so much easier than I thought it would be so I for one recommend it. I had room mates before him so he is a dream in comparison to some of them. Not to mention he can cook!

I would have said the whole living together thing was was perfect had it not been for a Red Sox vs Yankess playoff at the end of the season. He being the Yankee ''fan" and me Red Sox, it was awful. We had to watch the games in seperate rooms because of the tension! (Pet peeve here would be he got the big screen!) Even friends avoided us! Of course, as we all know I was victorious and I did well not to rub his face in it ( I would have loved to but his sad,droopy, puppy eyes and sad mouth prevented me! ). Can you say "choke"?

The funny thing is we live in Boston and I am from the UK so I don''t think he was expecting me to be supporting the local team quite so hard when it came down to it as it had been playful banter through the season and at games......but I just love them Sox and never stopped believing!

So aside from sporting rivalries during a World Series I think we are doing ok! We have a compromise/plan for next year - he is leaving town to go to his folks in Jersey for the week! haha!

Seriously, very happy to move be living together and I am firmly in the live and let live camp when it comes to that!

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

mighty, I have to say I am quite impressed! a whole year... living with a Yankee fan...??? well done!!!

GO METS!!!!!!!!

 

[ursulawrite]

Such a non-issue for me. I''m from England, where 80% of people buy a house together before getting married, anyway.

Personally, I lived with my husband for three years before we tied the knot, mainly due to the fact that I met him when I was 23. Too young for marriage at 23

 

[mightyred]

Thanks Diamondgeezer! I think he was a big Mets fan before jumping on the Yankees bandwagon (but don''t tell him I know this!)

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

Such a non-issue for me. I''m from England, where 80% of people buy a house together before getting married, anyway.

hi ursula, I am English too

I don''t why but whenever I meet someone from England online, I launch into a rendition of land of hope and glory...

can''t help it...



whilst it is true that a large majority of people here cohabit before marriage (or just cohabit and never marry) I doubt the figure is that 80% buy a house together, as I believe home ownership is only in the low 70s (sorry, I am very pedantic, I can''t help myself)

Personally, I lived with my husband for three years before we tied the knot, mainly due to the fact that I met him when I was 23. Too young for marriage at 23

I am ''only'' 21, and very much ready for marriage - hence I ended up here

lol I am incredibly lucky I have found the perfect girl

even luckier that she loves me too

I sincerely doubt I''ll ever understand most people, lol, each to his (or her) own I guess

 

[aljdewey]

I guess I''m a bit more of a pragmatist than the majority. I see nothing wrong with living together to see if you can co-habitate successfully. Heck, we already "try on" relationships before we marry.....we just call it dating. Dating helps us learn what we want/don''t want in prospective mates. It seems natural to do a bit more investigating about compatibility before deciding "THIS is THE one".

In a perfect world, everyone would be compatible with everyone else....but it''s just not that way. Tons of marriages have gone south because people couldn''t resolve co-habitation habits/quirks. There are truly people who love one another but can''t live with one another. That''s kind of underscored by the sage advice "never live with your friends, lest they become ex-friends." You can like...or even love....someone but be unable to live with him/her.
That being so, I personally don''t believe living together is any less committed than marriage. Someone in this thread (actually, more than one) said "when you live together, you can always leave." Honestly, you can leave whenever.....and the divorce rate today proves that people DO. The only difference is the ease/lack of ease with which you extricate yourself.

When we got together, Rich asked how I felt about living together before marriage. I said "I''m fine with it as long as we are both on the same path...that it leads toward marriage. I''ll never issue an ultimatum, but you also need to know I won''t sit around for five years waiting for you to decide there''s nothing better coming down the line" (which is totally not how he thinks anyway). He said, I''m pretty sure we''d know fairly quickly - within 6-12 months. We were extremely candid. He wasn''t worried about committing....he wanted to make sure that I could be *happy* with him. For my part, it made a ton of sense too. At nearly 40, I''d never lived with anyone in a relationship sense. We were both extremely committed, but we needed to know we could make each other happy.

That''s really what it boils down to.....knowing that you can live happily with someone. Sometimes you can''t, and it''s no one''s fault. Better to find that out before you marry than after. Life is just too short to squander trying to make square pegs fit into round holes. I just don''t understand a thought process that says "make a decision without fully knowing the implications, and if it turns out you made a bad choice, oh well.... live with it." That just defies logic to me.

People come to the table with varying baggage and skill sets, and that includes how they solve/resolve problems and how well they do/don''t compromise. How they handle conflict. What their expectations are....what they expect to get from a relationship and what they expect to give to it.

I honestly haven''t felt any different since we married. We still treat each other with the respect that we did before. When we sat on the sofa watching TV before we were married, I was just as sure he wasn''t going anywhere as I am now. Neither of us feels different. In fact, the only different thing I feel now is the pride of sharing his name and the THRILL I get when he calls me his wife.

 

[madarski]

Date: 11/22/2004 8:48:10 PM
Author: reena

Date: 11/22/2004 7:35:45 PM
Author: cflutist
Reena, LOL !!!! Websailor has SO MANY piles on the floor in his office at home that I cannot vacuum in there. We do have a rule at home ... his office is his ''cave'' so he keeps it as MESSY as he likes. I did insist once that he clean up the potting soil on the carpet that he has spilled by knocking a houseplant over in there. It sat there for days before I made a stink about it. Thank god, his office is in one of the back bedrooms of the house.

LOL--just yesterday when i was cleaning up one of his piles (well, i call it ''cleaning'', he calls it ''purging'') i vowed that when we move to SD we''ll have one room that will be ''his space'', and he''ll have to confine the sinister piles to that area alone. I CAN''T WAIT! i can''t stand piles. i just absolutely cannot. i am very much the ''a place for everything, and everything in its place'' kind of girl. whereas, the FI is very much the ''if i wear my sweatpants every night, why should i bother putting them away? i''d rather hang them on the bedpost'' kind of person.

one time he actually tried to convince me that he should be permitted to sling his dirty dress shirts over our stairway balcony upstairs (our apt. door is upstairs, our bedroom is downstairs) every day when he gets home from work, and should further be permitted to KEEP them there all week long (instead of using, oh, i dont know, a HAMPER), because ''then they''ll all be right there on saturday morning when i go to the drycleaner, and i won''t have to go downstairs to get them''.

HA!

NFW.

I''m laughing my ass off right now Reena, because my David is the same exact way. We have a chair in our bedroom that is so constantly overrun with clothes you couldn''t even begin to THINK of sitting on it. I am constantly saying......the hamper is right over there. His response is ........well they aren''t really dirty yet. I ''ll wear them again. (those damn sweatpants!!!!!) What is it with these guys???????

 

[fire&ice]

In a perfect world, everyone would be compatible with everyone else....but it''s just not that way. Tons of marriages have gone south because people couldn''t resolve co-habitation habits/quirks. There are truly people who love one another but can''t live with one another. That''s kind of underscored by the sage advice ''never live with your friends, lest they become ex-friends.'' You can like...or even love....someone but be unable to live with him/her.

I disagree with the premise that people can love each other & *not* know that they can not live together. I know of *no one* who has divorced their spouse over quirks - fundemental differences yes - quirks no. I have lived with three of my best friends. The last being my husband. Since I respected each and everyone (and subsequently they respected me), we peacefully co-habitated. If one can not come to a peaceful resolution of "quirks" then one should not live with *anyone*. If one can''t get over the fact that their to be may leave the toilet seat up or may be a slob, then one shouldn''t enter into marrying anyone because the other person is going to have issues - whatever they may be. I''m not picking on you. I just think this notion is dangerous. Nobody can ever be on the same page all the time. I''m sure you would agree with me. And, divorce over quirks is just immature & selfish.

That being said, I have no problem with people living together. I just don''t think it is a necessity to finding out what a person''s life style may be. If one doesn''t know that before entering into a committed relationship, then one is blind. I don''t think living together is an enlightening experience. And, if you love someone, you certainly don''t let a quirk get in the way. Relationships are just that. Relationships are a kinship in which one finds common ground. One doesn''t focus on the difference. One focuses on the common. It''s not that one can''t love someone & not being able to live with one another. I can not imagine that one would not know the fundemental differences *prior* to living together. I love my business partner. I''ve never lived with him. But, I certainly know I couldn''t.

Who knows? If we had lived together prior to marriage, maybe we wouldn''t have the bumps we did. But, those "bumps" really did help our resolution skills & the "whatever'' factor that a relationship must have. And, I couldn''t just leave over a quirk/different habit.

Again, this isn''t a commentary on living together. It''s just that living with anyone is a journey. It shouldn''t be that easy to leave.

 

[Daniela]

Date: 11/23/2004 11:49:31 AM
Author: Matata
Ohhhh, I am soooooo sick of the cow/milk analogy. So, it''s ok to buy the cow and pay for the milk which means marriage is nothing but legal prostitution? Anyway, here''s a joke I found that gives another perspective:


For all those who say: “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.''

Here''s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.

Why?

''Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.''


I didn''t preview my first husband; marriage lasted 22 years. I''m previewing the 2nd. My udders are dry so he isn''t gettin'' anything for free.

Matata, you are too funny!

Now, to get serious about this issue, I moved in with my boyfriend not only because of financial reasons, but because I know we were going to be together forever, and my parents had an absolute fit. They are puritans of the worst sort. There was a lot of stress on our relationship because my parents had a cow (since we''re using cow analogies), but that had nothing to do with me and my fiance''s relationship with each other. I kind of figured that if I made him pay rent and furnish another apartment just to please my parents, it would have caused even MORE stress! And I know I was right.

The moral of the story is why can''t my parents chill out and let my decision be my own without guilt-tripping me and telling me I''m damned???