Let it all hangout -- The Grumpies, whinies, complainies Get It Off Your Chest Thread....

[MaisOuiMadame]

Then you should be paid for watching the girl. The nanny is derelict in her duties, completely irresponsible, and should be fired. Imo, this is not a situation that calls for Carreaux reminders to the parents. It is a situation which requires firmness and a line in the sand. If you want to spend time with this girl, you're the only one who gets to choose when and for how long and you should be the only one who determines when you have the time to do so. The parents and the girl need to learn what boundaries are and they need to learn how to respect those boundaries.

Thanks @Matata & @yssie : unfortunately here "CPS" is not as active as it likely is elsewhere. The little girl actually has a nanny, as the parents both work full-time (but I assume father has a more flexible WFH sched than the mother), and the nanny often seems more preoccupied with being on Facebook or TikTok than watching her charge. Several times already she's come banging on our door (not knocking, mind you, but really banging), only for me to open it to her saying in my face "Can you let [little girl] out already, she's been there too long" when the 98% of the time the child isn't here (out in the playground) and her accusatory tone rubs me the wrong way. Still, I try to be civil. I tell her she's not here, sorry. If she is, I call the little girl and tell her it's time to go home.

Whenever I deposit the child home during one of her uninvited episodes, the nanny actually seems rather annoyed. One time she even remarked, "So soon??" as if her charge is my responsibility.


I side with your mum on this one!


@smitcompton : Thank you for your perspective! I missed in my OP, the child has a full-time nanny to take care of her, but nanny seems to prefer passing on that responsibility to random neighbours because she'd much rather be on Facebook or TikTok than with her charge Unfortunately, even with a closed door (but unlocked), she will let herself in... I'm not a whole grouch, she can be pleasant to spend time with. But not when I'm in the middle of a meeting, or cooking dinner, or administering my parents' medicines... most of my days are taken up with responsibilities of my own, so to add a child to look out for on top of that, is a little too much for me!

Another note, while 2 of our 7 cats do like to play with her, she chases after and forces the 5 other fearful ones to play too, despite firm warnings on my part to please not bother them. Having to corral all 5 fearful, hissy, and growling cats into a separate room just to accommodate an unannounced visitor is no easy feat.

I am fine spending time with her in the playground on some afternoons, but I think I may need to give a gentle reminder to the father that I am busy most days... maybe a happy medium; I could give him my mobile so he can let me know that little girl wants to come over, and I can say yes/no. That way it's a happy experience for everyone, and I'm not left gritting my teeth. lol!

Errrrm the nanny changes the situation completely...... The parents need to know she's not doing her job. I have a 5 y/o and live in a VERY calm, secured spot in a VERY safe area. I don't let my 5y/o roam. If my nanny didn't know where she was she was fired. Goes without saying that my children don't go to anyone unannounced. Phone call, SMS, WhatsApp... Sheesh I don't want to be caught under the shower by my neighbor, no matter the age...

 

[margauxmines]

@Matata, @seaurchin, @junebug17, @MaisOuiMadame : Thanks all for the advice. I do have trouble with being firm as I'm always worried about being misinterpreted / misconstrued. I love that PS not only gives jewellery advice, but sage life advice too

To everyone struggling with a "grumpy" today, grump on—it gets better (eventually)!

 

[TooPatient]

WTF is wrong with people?!?!?! My grandfather is in the hospital needing surgery for a perforated bowel most likely caused by cancer. This should not be happening! He has been losing weight for two years. He needed it and I put it off to eating healthier. Nope. He has been barely eating for months now. In a lot of pain. Doctors all say getting old. Knees replaced. Arthritis. The usual. Primary care, cardiologist, urologist, dermatologist (years of skin cancer), etc all monitoring closely. Kidneys Dr and heart Dr both running lots of CBC and other stuff. I pushed the issue last week and my mom showed me his blood work history to show me all is fine. It was NOT fine. Several numbers crashed about two years ago. Technically normal but sudden drop. Followed by weight loss and pain. Looked like classic infection or cancer warning. Seriously! How did no one see this?!?! It isn't subtle!

I am so angry and heartbroken right now. Hoping it goes better than I fear.

 

[MamaBee]

WTF is wrong with people?!?!?! My grandfather is in the hospital needing surgery for a perforated bowel most likely caused by cancer. This should not be happening! He has been losing weight for two years. He needed it and I put it off to eating healthier. Nope. He has been barely eating for months now. In a lot of pain. Doctors all say getting old. Knees replaced. Arthritis. The usual. Primary care, cardiologist, urologist, dermatologist (years of skin cancer), etc all monitoring closely. Kidneys Dr and heart Dr both running lots of CBC and other stuff. I pushed the issue last week and my mom showed me his blood work history to show me all is fine. It was NOT fine. Several numbers crashed about two years ago. Technically normal but sudden drop. Followed by weight loss and pain. Looked like classic infection or cancer warning. Seriously! How did no one see this?!?! It isn't subtle!

I am so angry and heartbroken right now. Hoping it goes better than I fear.

I’m so sorry @TooPatient I would be steaming mad too. I hope he has a very successful surgery. Big hugs..

 

[TooPatient]

My 87 year old grandfather who has been in so much pain he can hardly talk is alone in the hospital. The surgeon last night decided his surgery could at least "wait for daylight" rather than overnight. Which means visitors not allowed then as inpatient and all. So my mom went home. Visitors only allowed 10am-8pm. And only one visitor per DAY. So all of the doctors are making (or have made?) their rounds and plans for the day and critical information passed on with no one but him there. This is my not so talkative grandfather who wouldn't even tell his daughters what sort of pain he was having (but did tell me which is how he ended up getting in sooner and how he was even scheduled at all as everyone just assumed he was depressed...). Not so great at passing information on.

I don't know what to do! If I go to the hospital as soon as allowed, they won't let anyone else see him today. If I don't go, my emotional mother who struggles to get information (but does have power of attorney and all that) won't be allowed in and neither would my grandmother if she felt up to visiting.

Supposedly this is for COVID. I say supposedly because I have seen too many nurses chatting about how it is much easier to not have family to deal with and hoping this can be permanent changes. Seriously. I hope all those talking that way have a loved one end up Ina hospital where they don't have friends to pull strings with so they can get a taste of just how f-ing miserable this is! No lasting damage. Just enough to scare them into being compassionate!

 

[TooPatient]

Confirmed it is one visitor per day. Not at a time, but per DAY. Not only that, but no re-entry. If my mom needs to get some air or forgets something in the car, she won't be allowed back in. They also won't allow you to buy food or drink (and no access to the drink machines they used to have available) while there. So anything you need for the day you have to bring in.

Yes, my emotional mother with anxiety issues who doesn't get along great with my grandfather and he won't tell how he is feeling is going to be his only visitor. She can't manage to update people because it is just overwhelming and won't ask doctors any questions because they are doctors you know! Great.... Let's send her as the only visitor and source of information for the day. (I mean, why let just a granddaughter be the one to go keep everyone updated when he actually tells her what is going on!)

F-the whole system!

 

[Dee*Jay]

Confirmed it is one visitor per day. Not at a time, but per DAY. Not only that, but no re-entry. If my mom needs to get some air or forgets something in the car, she won't be allowed back in. They also won't allow you to buy food or drink (and no access to the drink machines they used to have available) while there. So anything you need for the day you have to bring in.

Yes, my emotional mother with anxiety issues who doesn't get along great with my grandfather and he won't tell how he is feeling is going to be his only visitor. She can't manage to update people because it is just overwhelming and won't ask doctors any questions because they are doctors you know! Great.... Let's send her as the only visitor and source of information for the day. (I mean, why let just a granddaughter be the one to go keep everyone updated when he actually tells her what is going on!)

F-the whole system!

TP, I'm sorry you are in this stressful situation! Is it possible to send your mother in with a list of questions? That might be better than having her try to remember things. Or, what about face timing (or at least being on speaker phone) when the doctor comes in so you can be "present" and get the info too?

Big hugs!

 

[TooPatient]

TP, I'm sorry you are in this stressful situation! Is it possible to send your mother in with a list of questions? That might be better than having her try to remember things. Or, what about face timing (or at least being on speaker phone) when the doctor comes in so you can be "present" and get the info too?

Big hugs!

She has a list of questions as best as can be figured right now. She isn't tech savvy so won't do anything that way. She was going to do speaker before but forgets. Definitely a mess! (I also wish he was in a much better hospital and not the one closer to home.)

In the meantime, it sounds like I am likely going to get called to sit at my cousin's house as his wife has been having contractions. 11 minutes apart as of last night. My mom would have been the one to be there with the other two kids, but now this. Only seen the kids maybe twice before. Should be interesting! Finding out now if they have overnight help or if I am it until they get home from the hospital. (Or do they allow dad to stay overnight anymore?)

 

[autumngems]

WTF is wrong with people?!?!?! My grandfather is in the hospital needing surgery for a perforated bowel most likely caused by cancer. This should not be happening! He has been losing weight for two years. He needed it and I put it off to eating healthier. Nope. He has been barely eating for months now. In a lot of pain. Doctors all say getting old. Knees replaced. Arthritis. The usual. Primary care, cardiologist, urologist, dermatologist (years of skin cancer), etc all monitoring closely. Kidneys Dr and heart Dr both running lots of CBC and other stuff. I pushed the issue last week and my mom showed me his blood work history to show me all is fine. It was NOT fine. Several numbers crashed about two years ago. Technically normal but sudden drop. Followed by weight loss and pain. Looked like classic infection or cancer warning. Seriously! How did no one see this?!?! It isn't subtle!

I am so angry and heartbroken right now. Hoping it goes better than I fear.

I feel your pain, same boat here with my brother-in-law, had issues and nobody really looks at his tests results changes for 2 years. He had issues and went to Dr. and they told him he has advanced prostate cancer. My sister asked them to look at his past test numbers and they saw that it had changed drastically starting 2 years ago. HOW DOES THIS GO UNNOTICED!!!!! They charge you for tests and to read the tests but they don't do anything or tell you anything about results.

 

[Slickk]

@autumngems so frustrating and I’m so sorry. Same happened with my mom. No one read the results and called us back in. This was long before Covid too.. thankfully I read her reports and took charge of her care. She didn’t make it though.

@TooPatient I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think these rules are just ridiculous! In the past, when I or a family member was in the hospital, I’d say, almost certainly, that I helped more than hindered the staff. The nursing staff was thankful for my help, and they said so. I am so chagrined about these rules as they prevented us from visiting (1 person/day) with my FIL on his deathbed. Awful!! Sending healing dust for grandpa and many ((hugs)) to you.

 

[Calliecake]

Too Patient, Sending much health dust to grandfather. I hope it went well today and you were able to get information about your grandfather. If your grandfather gives his permission I believe a nurse can fill you in on the details from the doctor. My dad was in a hospital in Florida when Covid was at it’s highest for the state. The nurses were wonderful with giving updates on his condition. I hope things get easier and your grandfather is back at home soon. This is so stressful to deal with when our loved ones are older. Hugs

 

[qubitasaurus]

Thanks @Matata & @yssie : unfortunately here "CPS" is not as active as it likely is elsewhere. The little girl actually has a nanny, as the parents both work full-time (but I assume father has a more flexible WFH sched than the mother), and the nanny often seems more preoccupied with being on Facebook or TikTok than watching her charge. Several times already she's come banging on our door (not knocking, mind you, but really banging), only for me to open it to her saying in my face "Can you let [little girl] out already, she's been there too long" when the 98% of the time the child isn't here (out in the playground) and her accusatory tone rubs me the wrong way. Still, I try to be civil. I tell her she's not here, sorry. If she is, I call the little girl and tell her it's time to go home.

Whenever I deposit the child home during one of her uninvited episodes, the nanny actually seems rather annoyed. One time she even remarked, "So soon??" as if her charge is my responsibility.


I side with your mum on this one!


@smitcompton : Thank you for your perspective! I missed in my OP, the child has a full-time nanny to take care of her, but nanny seems to prefer passing on that responsibility to random neighbours because she'd much rather be on Facebook or TikTok than with her charge Unfortunately, even with a closed door (but unlocked), she will let herself in... I'm not a whole grouch, she can be pleasant to spend time with. But not when I'm in the middle of a meeting, or cooking dinner, or administering my parents' medicines... most of my days are taken up with responsibilities of my own, so to add a child to look out for on top of that, is a little too much for me!

Another note, while 2 of our 7 cats do like to play with her, she chases after and forces the 5 other fearful ones to play too, despite firm warnings on my part to please not bother them. Having to corral all 5 fearful, hissy, and growling cats into a separate room just to accommodate an unannounced visitor is no easy feat.

I am fine spending time with her in the playground on some afternoons, but I think I may need to give a gentle reminder to the father that I am busy most days... maybe a happy medium; I could give him my mobile so he can let me know that little girl wants to come over, and I can say yes/no. That way it's a happy experience for everyone, and I'm not left gritting my teeth. lol!

Oh wow please let them know (both about the girl routinely breaking into your house, and the nanny knocking on the door demanding you let the girl out when she is not even there at all). They may genuinely be working thinking the little girl has full time care and that someone else knows where she is. She could get into someone's swimming pool. 5 yo's dont necessarily know how to swim. But most pools are too deep for them to stand up.

Try to go quietly and talk to mum (as well as dad). Mum may be away all day and have no idea; or she may think it isnt happening any more. While dad may be sitting there thinking 'oh I reminded nanny to be more careful next time. Problem fixed. I'm a pro at delegating' , and in my head I can see mum going ''.

Finally if no one does anything to fix this you probably really do need to tell the police, that girl isn't safe.

 

[TooPatient]

Thank you all for the words today. I haven't been able to watch much and am not up for trying to reply to all and don't want to miss anyone. It is nice to feel a bit less alone. So sorry for others who have dealt with missed test results or COVID restrictions!

The news is every bit as bad as I feared. He survived surgery but the mass was too big and too involved to get it all. They are working to get him home within the next couple of weeks. If he is able to return home, it will most likely be hospice. He may surprise the doctors and make it 6 months, but they expect much closer to a month. Possibly less.

 

[Matata]

Gentle hugs @TooPatient. I wish you had better news.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

Woke up thinking of you @TooPatient
Dust dust dust dust for you and your family!!!

 

[missy]

Keeping you and your grandfather in my thoughts @TooPatient.
I am so sorry.

{{{{Hugs}}}}

 

[autumngems]

Thank you all for the words today. I haven't been able to watch much and am not up for trying to reply to all and don't want to miss anyone. It is nice to feel a bit less alone. So sorry for others who have dealt with missed test results or COVID restrictions!

The news is every bit as bad as I feared. He survived surgery but the mass was too big and too involved to get it all. They are working to get him home within the next couple of weeks. If he is able to return home, it will most likely be hospice. He may surprise the doctors and make it 6 months, but they expect much closer to a month. Possibly less.

My prayers are with you

 

[junebug17]

@TooPatient, I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and your family and sending comfort and hugs to you.

 

[Calliecake]

I’m so sorry @Too Patient. Hugs, Callie

 

[TooPatient]

Going to throw up. DH just got fired.
Our only income. No reason why. Well, the reason given was not meeting deadlines reliably. Except that he met every deadline on getting stuff done. Was often done early. Assisted team members. Tested all his stuff so it worked as expected. Replied promptly at all hours of day or night. Was told great work, nice to have, and told to expect a raise in the near future.

ETA: venture funded startup. We suspect a funding issue....

 

[junebug17]

@TooPatient, I am so sorry, this is the last thing you need right now. Businesses seem to be especially cold and harsh these days. I have a relative who experienced a very similar thing to your husband. I will be hoping he finds something else soon. I'm thinking in the meantime he can collect unemployment, right?

 

[TooPatient]

@TooPatient, I am so sorry, this is the last thing you need right now. Businesses seem to be especially cold and harsh these days. I have a relative who experienced a very similar thing to your husband. I will be hoping he finds something else soon. I'm thinking in the meantime he can collect unemployment, right?

I think he can, but I am not sure. Waiting for the details in email that will include official end date and what, if any, severance. He started as contract which may or may not qualify for unemployment. I haven't been able to keep up with all the COVID changes everyone keeps making. I think he has been long enough to qualify. Hopefully!

 

[junebug17]

I think he can, but I am not sure. Waiting for the details in email that will include official end date and what, if any, severance. He started as contract which may or may not qualify for unemployment. I haven't been able to keep up with all the COVID changes everyone keeps making. I think he has been long enough to qualify. Hopefully!

ok, hopefully he will be eligible. Really sorry about this @TooPatient.

 

[TooPatient]

I could write a novel here. Picking the current aggravating bit....

With all their restrictions on visitors (one per day total, no re-entry, no use of water/coffee/etc, no purchasing food/drink in the hospital, no bringing food/drink into hospital, etc), the nurses are hanging around the nurses station and their break rooms and whatever chatting away without masks. Not just while eating/drinking.

I also can't help but wonder how many of them got sick from their activities outside of work rather than from patients or visitors. Going to the grocery stores, restaurants, gatherings with friends or family, their own kids bringing from school, and so many other activities. These restrictions are supposedly because visitors made them sick. How do they know?!? People are dying without their family around and it feels completely arbitrary at this point.

 

[Slickk]

@TooPatient infuriating! I’m so sorry.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

I'm sorry beyond words, @TooPatient

 

[missy]

I could write a novel here. Picking the current aggravating bit....

With all their restrictions on visitors (one per day total, no re-entry, no use of water/coffee/etc, no purchasing food/drink in the hospital, no bringing food/drink into hospital, etc), the nurses are hanging around the nurses station and their break rooms and whatever chatting away without masks. Not just while eating/drinking.

I also can't help but wonder how many of them got sick from their activities outside of work rather than from patients or visitors. Going to the grocery stores, restaurants, gatherings with friends or family, their own kids bringing from school, and so many other activities. These restrictions are supposedly because visitors made them sick. How do they know?!? People are dying without their family around and it feels completely arbitrary at this point.

I am so sorry @TooPatient and I agree with you completely. It is, IMO, just to make the staff's life easier and not to help the patients. It is being abused and it is a travesty. I am so sorry and I am keeping your grandfather in my thoughts. Gentle hugs to you.

 

[Gussie]

We are at our other house. My husband decided to put his dirty underwear and clothing on top of my clean bedding in the closet so he could remember to take them home. What kind of reasoning is this??? I blew my top. It was pretty ugly. He thought I was too picky…Um..no..It’s my son’s bedding too. Gross..

My dumba** DH used a dirty pair of briefs to wipe off the kitchen island when I asked him to clean up his mess. I blew my top and was told I was too picky. They really don't have to work so hard to prove their the inferior sex. We know, we know.

It’s mind boggling….TG I’m not only one with a dirty bird husband.

I have one of these too. He believes gravity pulls the dirt out of clothes so long as they are thrown on the floor. And I won't touch anything he's cooked. No telling what kind of germfest has occurred while he cooks.

 

[stracci2000]

The spring on the garage door just broke.
Luckily one car is still in the driveway. The other car is trapped inside
Repair guy can't come till Monday morning.
This will probably cost me a zillion dollars plus my right arm.

 

[MamaBee]

I’ve been sick since Monday morning after helping my DIL with the kiddos while my son was on a business trip. They gave me something potent. They of course sailed right through it and recovered in a few days. I had a fever..and headache…They’re gone but I can’t sleep..I’m coughing non-stop...My nose is dripping and hurts from testing myself for Covid every day since Monday. They have been negative but this supposed cold has been a dinger. If I didn’t hurt my nose from testing so much I would get a Covid test today..If I still have this through the weekend I’ll get a PCR..ugh