ladies -- need help with teenage girl stuff

[TooPatient]

"A" is going to a water park tomorrow and needs to learn to use tampons. Her mom bought the tickets online and can't just return them. Even suggesting would cause lots of anxiety and upset. Regardless, "A" is 14 now and will have to use them at some point so it is about time to teach her.

I explained them to her (not too bad especially since the school covers this in health class now) and gave tips on how to stand to make it easier. I left 3 different varieties in the bathroom for her along with the instructions that come in the box. She couldn't get any of them to work right yesterday. I looked again and realized they were all "regular" or "super" so I went to the store and bought pretty much every sort of tampon made (we now have 17 different brands/styles/weights!). The smallest 4 types I stuck in the bathroom for her and had her try again this morning before she showered so she'd be extra slippery and relaxed.

She thought she'd done it right and had it in okay but she could feel it. We talked some and it sounds like she didn't insert it far enough (like her finger could touch it if she just rubbed it along the outside of her body). I gave some more tips and encouragement and she tried again. She said it worked better and she had it in far enough that it was comfortable.

A couple of hours later, she walked up to me and asked if it is supposed to fall out when you pee.
We talked and I explained some more and she went back and tried again. Now she is in tears because she can't get it to go in and it hurts when she tries.

I don't know if she is sticking it in the right spot and this is just normal first-time discomfort or if she's sticking it somewhere not right. I showed her pictures of female anatomy, found an animated how-to tampon video (basically the dumb package directions but it moves at each step) and every thing else I can think of.


HELP!

Any ideas would be great!
I don't know what else to do.
She is FI's daughter but is with us full time. Her mom is NOT good at this sort of thing (anxieties way out of control) so it comes to me to help her through this. I learned by reading the package directions and just going for it. My mom was never around for stuff like this so she never taught me and wouldn't be able to help even if we were speaking right now.

 

[Dee*Jay]

I have no experience with teenage girls other than I was one myself (!), but I have two thoughts:

If it hurts maybe it's because she's irritated at this point. A little lubrication goes a long way.

And if it's not in far enough I'm thinking one with an applicator is a better idea than something like an OB. Also, as I'm sure you found with 17 different kinds now in your possession, some are longer than others. Go with the shortest one. Or maybe even cut one to a shorter length? But try that on a sample first to make sure you're not impacting the string because the last thing you (she) want is not to be able to get it out because the string has somehow been cut. Does that make any sense?

 

[TooPatient]

I have no experience with teenage girls other than I was one myself (!), but I have two thoughts:

If it hurts maybe it's because she's irritated at this point. A little lubrication goes a long way.

And if it's not in far enough I'm thinking one with an applicator is a better idea than something like an OB. Also, as I'm sure you found with 17 different kinds now in your possession, some are longer than others. Go with the shortest one. Or maybe even cut one to a shorter length? But try that on a sample first to make sure you're not impacting the string because the last thing you (she) want is not to be able to get it out because the string has somehow been cut. Does that make any sense?

I got a bottle of water-based lubrication at the store too. That is next up to try once she's had a few hours to just chill and let her body relax.

Of the 17, I ignored the "super" as a possibility for her. The rest, I opened and compared. She is trying to use one that is super narrow but also short. The applicator is a very smooth plastic and the tampon itself is the shortest I've ever seen. Cutting one might be a good thing to try if she can get it a little farther in. That might make something that would work well enough for a few hours at the water park but not be the full size that is so uncomfortable for her right now.

Based on her description, even the outside is irritated and painful.

She's also gotten to the point where she's having anxiety attacks when she tries. Clearly the anxiety is NOT helping!
I need to charge my cell phone, but it seems like we may be reaching the point where her mom will just have to change plans.

 

[Upgradable]

Sometimes things are "short." I'd suggest she sit when she inserts the applicator, and then stand up before pushing on the plunger. This will put the front edge in front of the cervix. Usually, the uterus is angled so the body of it is toward the tailbone. The absorption will be more in the middle of the tampon as opposed to the end. See if this helps.

I also agree that her tissues are probably very irritated at this point. Wait until tomorrow, then have her put the lube on her skin, not the end of the tampon.

Good luck!

 

[ruby59]

I have two girls who went through it. Not everyone is comfortable wearing them. Some young girls may have a very small opening or a thick hyman. Tensing up can make it so much more difficult, and your daughter might have irritated herself to the point where it is now painful.

IMO, I would take her to a medical professional who can evaluate and advise her. If she were mine, I would cancel the visit to the pool rather than having this further traumatize her.

There are tricks to getting them in, however. One is to have her put one foot on the toilet as it is easier to get it in on an angle.

 

[AGBF]

TooPatient-

I do have a daughter and did go through the tampon thing with her several years ago (she is now 21). I tried to think about how to help you, but really came up short. I wanted to tell you that I think you are truly remarkable. The effort you have put into helping your fiancé's daughter has been enormous. You said that she will have to learn someday and you are right. She will not have to learn when there is pressure on her to learn within a certain number of hours, however. I totally agree with you that the stress is not helping. You seem very attuned to her and the situation.

I do not know what else to say except that you seem to be doing everything right. And that she should know that she doesn't have to be successful with the tampon and doesn't have to go to the water park to make the family happy with her.

Again: you are really doing a wonderful job!

Deb

 

[TooPatient]

Thanks for the help and support!

I'm going to have her try sitting to insert and use the lubricant but wait until tomorrow when her body has relaxed and is less irritated. If that doesn't work, I might mention it to her dr and have her take a look or help at the annual physical that is coming up in a couple of months. Maybe "A" will sort it out between now and then when she isn't feeling pressure.

Just got off the phone with her mom ("J"). She is not happy. Over $100 in tickets and they won't give her a refund. Tomorrow is the last day of the season so she'll lose them if they don't go tomorrow.
"J" asked if I could just have "A" put a pad in her bathing suit. She ("J") used to do this and even though it swells up and blood runs all down your legs you can just wrap a towel around yourself and change in the bathroom

Anyway...
Current plan is that they will NOT be going to any sort of pool or waterpark tomorrow. "A" can try again tomorrow morning and if it works out then I can call "J" and let her know. If it doesn't work out then she won't mention the waterpark and make "A" feel guilty but will just say that this other fun thing sounded better.

 

[packrat]

I also would suggest having her sit. I just can't do it any other way-well, I can but then for whatever reason I'm angled funny, even the foot on the toilet trick doesn't always work for me.

I was 14 as well when I first started using tampons-however my mom refused to buy them for me, so my best friend's mom did it. I had to figure out how to do it all myself tho, and had a lot of the same anxieties that A has. I didn't think you could pee if you had one in, but it's hard to take it out w/out relaxing and peeing-I don't know what I thought was going to happen to me but I was scared.

I like the Playtex light ones, in the lavender wrapper. I grabbed a different kind on accident last time, and they're the light "active" kind-those are even better. They're really tiny. And even still, I've had what, 24 odd years of practice w/them and there are still times I'm like what the heck why is this not working?

 

[yennyfire]

You chose your avatar really well! Kudos to you for doing everything you can to help A figure this out! Poor thing, I don't blame her for being stressed. If I remember correctly, when I first started using them, I had to lie down to our them in...maybe try that? Of course, that won't work when she's in a public restroom, but once she gets the hang of it, hopefully she'll be able to do it sitting or standing up.

I hope that she figures it out and that her Mom makes tomorrow special for her no matter what they do. Hugs to both of you!

 

[junebug17]

TooPatient, I don't have anything very constructive to add - my daughter didn't really have any major problems with learning to use tampons. However, as a teen-ager I remember getting upset and stressed over learning to use them correctly, so I can relate to how A is feeling! It was a long time ago, but IIRC I caught on fairly quickly, so I'm thinking A might have better luck tomorrow after she calms down and isn't so anxious. But yeah, I agree that if A can't get used to them the waterpark should just be skipped. You've certainly done all you can. It's a bummer for her mom to lose out on the money, but, oh well, life goes on. Don't feel badly about it. Wearing a pad isn't a viable solution, and I think it's kind of a strange suggestion for her mom to make.

Also, I've been wanting to tell you that I think you are doing a fantastic job with A, not just in this situation but in several others you've talked about as well. You've taken on a big responsibility and at a young age - and I'm so impressed by your maturity, understanding and concern with regard to A's care and well-being. After raising my own teen-age daughter, I know that it is not always easy - let's be serious, sometimes it can be really hard! I just wanted to let you know I really respect you for the time and effort you put into raising A.

 

[lyra]

Is she really committed to using them, as in, is it truly her choice right now? I know this timing is inconvenient, but not every girl can comfortably use tampons. My youngest daughter has never used them, and she's 23. They were always just too uncomfortable to use. My older daughter and I switched to cups, which have a bigger learning curve for sure, but are far more comfortable than tampons ever were. It sounds like this cycle is just not working out for her. It shouldn't be traumatic. If she's got a good attitude, then great, but if it's getting frustrating and hurting, it's time to call it quits. I wouldn't care about the money if I were her mother, jeez. Poor girl.

 

[monarch64]

Tell her to do the next attempt either laying on her back or bending over while standing. It sounds like gravity is an issue for her. Also, give her a hand mirror. There are a lot of youtube videos and tons of websites dealing with this as well.

You are doing a great job at this parenting thing, TP. My mom never explained or showed me how to use a tampon, and in fact I bought my own and figured things out (back in the day, before Google!) myself, but she discovered them and was SO ANGRY with me. So, good for you. A is lucky to have you.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Any chance you can take her to the family doc? Honestly, when a girl starts menstruating, she should start getting introduced to the concept of gyn exams and a doctor who she can talk about "those things" to. They can also check to make sure she doesn't just have an unusually thick or extensive hymen, and can maybe even guide her through proper insertion in the office if she's willing to try. I remember once I did it "right" the first time, it was easy after that, but there was a lot of trial and error at first and worrying I didn't do it right. I think I would have been reassured if a doctor showed me how to do it the first time so I knew I was doing it right, lol.

If none of this works, any chance she can just go and not get in the water? Isn't there usually plenty of boardwalk stuff too?

 

[AGBF]

Any chance you can take her to the family doc? Honestly, when a girl starts menstruating, she should start getting introduced to the concept of gyn exams and a doctor who she can talk about "those things" to.

Wow. I didn't take my daughter to a gynecologist when she started menstruating...which was at age 10. She would have totally freaked out. She was still going to a pediatrician, for Pete's sake! Just because a girl is menstruating doesn't make her a woman...no matter what people thought in the middle ages.

I am not saying that no girl should go, but, as kenny says...people vary!!! Moms have to know their own children!

AGBF

 

[pregcurious]

It sounds like she is not ready for a tampon...but I agree with the suggestions of using a plastic applicator and a slim profile. Can she just tell her mom that she is on her period and would like to go to the water park another day. The mom should realize that swimming/water park activities may not be solely determined by her schedule anymore.

 

[Munchkin]

1. Tampons are tricky, and the more tense you are, the harder they are to use! Instruct her to take three slow, deep breaths while seated on the toilet. While letting out the third exhale, insert the tampon.

2. I always encourage my patients to first try with a lube to prevent external irritation. The external irritation can cause swelling, making it physically more difficult to insert, never mind increase fear/anxiety.

3. I usually encourage a "light" or slender tampon with a plastic applicator. There tends to be less friction than cardboard.

4. Oddly enough, a longer applicator is better. Most improper insertions are due to not pushing it in far enough and being too tense to relax muscles for proper insertion. A longer applicator buys you more depth once the plunger is depressed.

5. Never cut a tampon. Shards of the cottony material can be retained which can lead to an infection.

6. Women don't need an internal exam until whichever comes first: a) 21 years, b) pregnancy, c) concerns for an STD that requires internal culture (even gonorrhea and chlamydia are tested by urine now). You don't even need a pelvic to start birth control pills.

7. If it fell out while peeing, it clearly wasn't inserted deeply enough. Tell her to insert the applicator until the sides of her fingers can touch her body, then depress the plunger.

8. If she had a truly restrictive hymen, it's unlikely she would have been a successful as she (briefly) was. Please don't compound her anxiety/frustration with the embarrassment of a trip to a doctor!

9. Long before I went into pediatrics I got my first period, ever, while on vacation in Florida. I literally had to learn how to use a tampon with my first period. It was such a rotten experience that i researched and I became the go-to person to coach friends through their first attempts.

Good luck to you all!

 

[TooPatient]

Upgradable -- Thanks! I've never been able to get it to work that way so I never thought about that. I suggested it to "A" and she says she tried it but it just won't go in at all.

Ruby -- Thanks! I've had her try her foot on the toilet and also on the tub. She is VERY stressed and tense so that is a big problem! I talked to her mom (see more below) so the in water activities are off tomorrow.

AGBF -- Thanks! I never had my mom around so knowing how to teach some of this has been quite the challenge.

Packrat -- Thanks! The ones that worked best were the Tampax Pearl light. We have the Playtex light and the active light too but I don't know if she got to them before getting too upset to really make progress.

Yennyfire -- Thanks! I suggested she try doing that in her bed where she could just relax for a minute and then try again. By the time we got to that point, I don't know if she was really hearing or processing anything. She said she had already tried that but I never saw her go in her room and don't think she has yet.

Junebug -- Thanks! I do think the anxiety just really overwhelmed her. She took the rest of yesterday to just relax. Her mom can suck it up and live with it! I couldn't believe she was suggesting that. Having "A" suggest that since she doesn't know better and is desperate is one thing but hearing a full grown woman (and a nurse at that!) say such a thing

Lyra -- I agree! It is so tough with her because she hides her feelings and won't even admit them to herself. I'm getting pretty good at knowing what she is probably feeling, but it is still difficult to get her to acknowledge it. After mentioning what they were, when they could be convenient and sticking a handful in her bathroom I just left the whole topic alone. I had hoped that she would just start trying them out when ready and it would all be no big deal. And then her mom bought those tickets.

Monarch -- Hand mirror! Awesome idea! I've shown her the YouTube stuff and pictures but it is hard to connect those to your own body where you can't see. My mom never taught me either and I've still got stuff I'm not comfortable doing because I don't know if I'm doing it right. (I'll be taking a make-up class to learn all about that stuff!)

MakingTheGrade -- We've talked about what drs do at those appointments so she knows what to expect. She is VERY private and doesn't like her body to be touched so I don't think an appointment like that will be good for her right now. We did talk yesterday about maybe talking with her dr (wonderful lady who specialized in gyn problems) but that it was probably no big deal and she'd just walk in the bathroom one day and it would just work right.
Where they are going is somewhere I haven't been in 15 years. Last time I was there it was ALL water stuff. BUT after looking up their website I found that they now have a bunch of non-water stuff

Munchkin -- Thanks! Longer applicator is one of the things we avoided but that would help with her issues. She says she is pushing until her fingers reach her body, but I don't think she is. Her mother taught her all about how bad it is to ever touch there and we're still dealing with correcting that (like consistent toilet paper use). All of them in her bathroom now are the light with plastic applicators. Hopefully that helps some too. Good point about the fragments from cutting! I won't try that. Dr is not quite a last resort, but pretty close. I'd rather she just relax and learn when she's ready.
Sorry you had to learn on vacation! I can't imagine using a tampon for my first period. The pads were challenging enough for me to master that first time!



UPDATE --
She was really wanting to try again last night but I convinced her to just relax and wait for morning. I got a call after 9pm and found out that her good friend from last school year is in town only for one night (now lives 5 hours away) and the whole group of friends from last year are doing a sleepover! So she's off with them. I'll pick her up in a couple of hours to take her to her mom's house. They'll do some combination of non-water activities at the waterpark and visit a boat museum that also offers rentals to do some rowing. Plus whatever other stuff they find to do but nothing in water!

 

[ruby59]

1. Tampons are tricky, and the more tense you are, the harder they are to use! Instruct her to take three slow, deep breaths while seated on the toilet. While letting out the third exhale, insert the tampon.

2. I always encourage my patients to first try with a lube to prevent external irritation. The external irritation can cause swelling, making it physically more difficult to insert, never mind increase fear/anxiety.

3. I usually encourage a "light" or slender tampon with a plastic applicator. There tends to be less friction than cardboard.

4. Oddly enough, a longer applicator is better. Most improper insertions are due to not pushing it in far enough and being too tense to relax muscles for proper insertion. A longer applicator buys you more depth once the plunger is depressed.

5. Never cut a tampon. Shards of the cottony material can be retained which can lead to an infection.

6. Women don't need an internal exam until whichever comes first: a) 21 years, b) pregnancy, c) concerns for an STD that requires internal culture (even gonorrhea and chlamydia are tested by urine now). You don't even need a pelvic to start birth control pills. 7. If it fell out while peeing, it clearly wasn't inserted deeply enough. Tell her to insert the applicator until the sides of her fingers can touch her body, then depress the plunger.

8. If she had a truly restrictive hymen, it's unlikely she would have been a successful as she (briefly) was. Please don't compound her anxiety/frustration with the embarrassment of a trip to a doctor!

9. Long before I went into pediatrics I got my first period, ever, while on vacation in Florida. I literally had to learn how to use a tampon with my first period. It was such a rotten experience that i researched and I became the go-to person to coach friends through their first attempts.

Good luck to you all!

You are a medical professional, and I respect that. But not all GYN's follow the advice in No. 6. When my mom asked her GYN about me and my sister, he suggested a visit once you started getting a period. I managed to use a tampon, however it turned out I had a very thick hyman string(?) and needed a hymenectomy before having intercourse for the first time or I could have bled severely. I also asked my GYN, and he also suggested the same thing. They were taught how to examine their breasts, had some bloodwork, and a look down there to make sure all was good. They had questions, one of which was how to insert a tampon and which was the best kind to use. One was not comfortable with the doctor doing an internal , and it was not done until years later when she became more comfortable. A good doctor will gauge the comfort of the patient and not overstep. Some girls might be more comfortable with a female. But imo it is important that you start them off slowly, while they are young, to get girls used to a very important aspect of their health.

 

[momhappy]

The alarming thing to me in this thread is that you mentioned that she is having anxiety attacks. Is she actually experiencing anxiety attacks or just regular anxiety? I would be concerned if my teenager was having anxiety attacks over anything - a certain amount of anxiety is a normal part of life, but anxiety "attacks" are not in my opinion. I realize that tampons can be tricky, but if you've explained several times, she's read instructions, and you've purchased several types, she should have the ability to figure it out after the first few tries. I might consider backing off of the subject for a while and revisit it at another time (when she is older and better equipped to handle the procedure and/or the emotions/anxiety that might g along with it).
Sorry for the water park issue. It's to bad the other mom got upset - it's not like her period is something that you can control, so you'd think that she'd be a little more understanding.

 

[wakingdreams53]

Wow! I can't imagine a mom not helping What worked great when I was 13, and still to this day I prefer this brand, are the Playtex Gentle Glide. Super "welcoming" applicator. My mom taught me by saying to stand facing the toilet with, if she's a righty, her right foot planted on the ground and her left foot on top of the toilet. This "framing" makes it easier to insert, per natural female anatomy. Makes things easier to see than sitting on the toilet too. Using a little water or lube on the applicator tip and once in, using the applicator to "push" it to where only the string can be seen.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Any chance you can take her to the family doc? Honestly, when a girl starts menstruating, she should start getting introduced to the concept of gyn exams and a doctor who she can talk about "those things" to.

Wow. I didn't take my daughter to a gynecologist when she started menstruating...which was at age 10. She would have totally freaked out. She was still going to a pediatrician, for Pete's sake! Just because a girl is menstruating doesn't make her a woman...no matter what people thought in the middle ages.

I am not saying that no girl should go, but, as kenny says...people vary!!! Moms have to know their own children!

AGBF

I didn't mean an obgyn specifically or that an internal exam was necessary, just meant it might be a good time to broach the subject of women's health with the family doc and start those conversations going when that natural landmark happens so that down the line if there are issues and questions, you already feel like its natural to talk to your doctor about those things. At least, that's the advice I got from a lot of adolescent docs I met in med school and residency. it's more about normalizing those conversations and giving girls a safe and natural place to ask questions. It puts the emphasis on health, and less on "sex", and seems more of an objective time to start talking to the doc about these things. Kids are pretty smart, if all of a sudden their mom goes "you know, I think you're an adult now, we should have you start seeing someone about women's health", they can sometimes feel self conscious that the decision is being made based on social things like having a boyfriend or showing an interest in the opposite sex, and that can be a little awkward. Alternatively, if a girl is starting to have sex earlier than any parents might suspect, it's probably difficult for her to set up her own appointments for those things with the family doc because she might feel like suddenly bringing up the topic is suspicious and might get back to her parents etc. So it's more about setting a precedent that once you hit menarche, your body is changing in a natural way, which means starting to talk to your doc about some new things, even if it's still your pediatrician, lol. I started menarche at 11, and in hindsight would have really benefited from some long discussions with a doc about it since it turned out I had pretty bad dysmenorrhea which I just thought was normal since I had nothing to compare things to, lol.

Certainly if you don't feel comfortable with the idea that's an individual decision and every family is different, but I feel like girls grow up a lot faster than a lot of parents might think lol. I was a combination of early bloomer and conservative parents and ended up seeing my first gyn at a free clinic appointment in high school that I set up myself. Oy. I think the silver lining will be that when I have kids, I'll probably just assume they have the same potential for trouble as me, lol.


Glad the water park has more non water options!

 

[movie zombie]

my philosophy was that if it was coming out when I peed it was time to replace it.
perhaps inconvenient but it seemed to solve the problem for me.
also, its not a good idea to leave them in place for long hours anyway.

 

[crown1]

Someone may have mentioned this and I missed it. If so, I apologize for the repeat. If she is trying to insert a tampon very shortly after one has been removed that was not saturated there may be a problem. Pulling a mostly dry tampon out can be painful. If there is very light flow that may cause discomfort. In the beginning most find a lubricant helpful. Back in the day vaseline was it. That may no longer be advisable. I am not up on whether that is now frowned upon since there are other lubricants.

 

[TooPatient]

The alarming thing to me in this thread is that you mentioned that she is having anxiety attacks. Is she actually experiencing anxiety attacks or just regular anxiety? I would be concerned if my teenager was having anxiety attacks over anything - a certain amount of anxiety is a normal part of life, but anxiety "attacks" are not in my opinion. I realize that tampons can be tricky, but if you've explained several times, she's read instructions, and you've purchased several types, she should have the ability to figure it out after the first few tries. I might consider backing off of the subject for a while and revisit it at another time (when she is older and better equipped to handle the procedure and/or the emotions/anxiety that might g along with it).
Sorry for the water park issue. It's to bad the other mom got upset - it's not like her period is something that you can control, so you'd think that she'd be a little more understanding.

More than normal anxiety but not to the point of needing intervention. She has had a very unsettled life with some very unhealthy people in role-model type rolls. This last year has been very much about getting her to re-learn everything in life. She is doing MUCH better than before and is actually almost to "normal" teenage girl sort of place. Her emotions are still difficult for her. She won't even acknowledge them to herself. Any less than great event is just blocked from memory. We've tried professionals, but she doesn't do well with them. The best help for her right now seems to be just introducing stuff slowly and letting her see what normal life looks like. She's got some good friends now who are her own age and that has been a great help too.

I finally had to tell her yesterday that the waterpark would NOT be a problem and that they would be doing rollercoasters and stuff instead. I told her mom that she needs to not purchase water activity tickets in advance (unless it is a place that really could sell out) or be ready to change plans as needed. We're going into rainy months soon so that should help! "A" will get around to being ready when she is ready. I'm not going to bring it up with her unless she brings it up. I will stick a couple of tampons in her bathroom so she can try when ready but I won't stick a whole bunch in there so she can't get super focused on it again and cause irritation to herself.

Her mom has.... issues.
The lack of understanding with this normal part of life is just the smallest of the things we've had to deal with. "A" is getting good at understanding that what her mom does is not always "normal" but (as long as she is safe) she should just relax and try to enjoy her time with her.

 

[kenny]

TP, bless you for helping out this kid!
She is so lucky you are part of her life.

 

[vintagelover229]

In all honesty I would show her a diva cup or something similar. Tampons aren't the most healthy thing to be using and the materials that they are made out of aren't good for you either.

There are many different types of cups but the diva is the one I use. They are good for up to 12 hours-you wash them and empty them (I know sounds gross but its not bad) and they are much more comfortable and better for your health than tampons. I wish someone had talked to me about them when I was a teenager.

 

[momhappy]

The alarming thing to me in this thread is that you mentioned that she is having anxiety attacks. Is she actually experiencing anxiety attacks or just regular anxiety? I would be concerned if my teenager was having anxiety attacks over anything - a certain amount of anxiety is a normal part of life, but anxiety "attacks" are not in my opinion. I realize that tampons can be tricky, but if you've explained several times, she's read instructions, and you've purchased several types, she should have the ability to figure it out after the first few tries. I might consider backing off of the subject for a while and revisit it at another time (when she is older and better equipped to handle the procedure and/or the emotions/anxiety that might g along with it).
Sorry for the water park issue. It's to bad the other mom got upset - it's not like her period is something that you can control, so you'd think that she'd be a little more understanding.

More than normal anxiety but not to the point of needing intervention. She has had a very unsettled life with some very unhealthy people in role-model type rolls. This last year has been very much about getting her to re-learn everything in life. She is doing MUCH better than before and is actually almost to "normal" teenage girl sort of place. Her emotions are still difficult for her. She won't even acknowledge them to herself. Any less than great event is just blocked from memory. We've tried professionals, but she doesn't do well with them. The best help for her right now seems to be just introducing stuff slowly and letting her see what normal life looks like. She's got some good friends now who are her own age and that has been a great help too.

I finally had to tell her yesterday that the waterpark would NOT be a problem and that they would be doing rollercoasters and stuff instead. I told her mom that she needs to not purchase water activity tickets in advance (unless it is a place that really could sell out) or be ready to change plans as needed. We're going into rainy months soon so that should help! "A" will get around to being ready when she is ready. I'm not going to bring it up with her unless she brings it up. I will stick a couple of tampons in her bathroom so she can try when ready but I won't stick a whole bunch in there so she can't get super focused on it again and cause irritation to herself.

Her mom has.... issues.
The lack of understanding with this normal part of life is just the smallest of the things we've had to deal with. "A" is getting good at understanding that what her mom does is not always "normal" but (as long as she is safe) she should just relax and try to enjoy her time with her.

Poor thing I agree with Kenny (and others) - she's lucky to have you

 

[Munchkin]

Ruby59- http://www.acog.org/Resources%20And%20Publications/Committee%20Opinions/Committee%20on%20Gynecologic%20Practice/Well-Woman%20Visit.aspx

 

[wakingdreams53]

In all honesty I would show her a diva cup or something similar. Tampons aren't the most healthy thing to be using and the materials that they are made out of aren't good for you either.

There are many different types of cups but the diva is the one I use. They are good for up to 12 hours-you wash them and empty them (I know sounds gross but its not bad) and they are much more comfortable and better for your health than tampons. I wish someone had talked to me about them when I was a teenager.

I love diva cup! I definitely wouldn't recommend it to a young teen who's having difficulty with tampons though. Diva Cup is actually one of the larger cups and would definitely be painful for this young lady. I believe Moon Cup is smaller, but I haven't done research on the topic in a while. Highly recommend Diva Cup/menstrual cups to all the ladies on PS though!

 

[AGBF]

Any chance you can take her to the family doc? Honestly, when a girl starts menstruating, she should start getting introduced to the concept of gyn exams and a doctor who she can talk about "those things" to.

Wow. I didn't take my daughter to a gynecologist when she started menstruating...which was at age 10. She would have totally freaked out. She was still going to a pediatrician, for Pete's sake! Just because a girl is menstruating doesn't make her a woman...no matter what people thought in the middle ages.

I am not saying that no girl should go, but, as kenny says...people vary!!! Moms have to know their own children!

I didn't mean an obgyn specifically or that an internal exam was necessary, just meant it might be a good time to broach the subject of women's health with the family doc and start those conversations going when that natural landmark happens so that down the line if there are issues and questions, you already feel like its natural to talk to your doctor about those things. At least, that's the advice I got from a lot of adolescent docs I met in med school and residency. it's more about normalizing those conversations and giving girls a safe and natural place to ask questions. It puts the emphasis on health, and less on "sex", and seems more of an objective time to start talking to the doc about these things. Kids are pretty smart, if all of a sudden their mom goes "you know, I think you're an adult now, we should have you start seeing someone about women's health", they can sometimes feel self conscious that the decision is being made based on social things like having a boyfriend or showing an interest in the opposite sex, and that can be a little awkward. Alternatively, if a girl is starting to have sex earlier than any parents might suspect, it's probably difficult for her to set up her own appointments for those things with the family doc because she might feel like suddenly bringing up the topic is suspicious and might get back to her parents etc. So it's more about setting a precedent that once you hit menarche, your body is changing in a natural way, which means starting to talk to your doc about some new things, even if it's still your pediatrician, lol. I started menarche at 11, and in hindsight would have really benefited from some long discussions with a doc about it since it turned out I had pretty bad dysmenorrhea which I just thought was normal since I had nothing to compare things to, lol.

Certainly if you don't feel comfortable with the idea that's an individual decision and every family is different, but I feel like girls grow up a lot faster than a lot of parents might think lol. I was a combination of early bloomer and conservative parents and ended up seeing my first gyn at a free clinic appointment in high school that I set up myself. Oy. I think the silver lining will be that when I have kids, I'll probably just assume they have the same potential for trouble as me, lol.


Glad the water park has more non water options!

MakingThe Grade,

It sounds as if you are really advocating for openness more than for marching a child into a gynecologist's office. The visual I got from your first posting was of a mother marching her child (who could be 10 just as easily as 16) into the sterile office of an OB/GYN for a forced breast and pelvic exam (which she would no doubt take as punitive and invasive) because she had started to menstruate. It seemed likely to make her associate menstruation with being raped by the establishment!

What I hear now is that you really just want to key figures in a young girl's life to be truly open with her about health, her body, and all the issues she is facing. Some of us do that without having to involve stranger. I as a mother and my daughter's pediatricians, whom she knew very well, were able to be completely open with her and to discuss everything with her that might be on her mind. I am a social worker and from a very liberal background, (whereas your parents were socially conservative). Sex was never a taboo subject in my household growing up. My daughter did have a male pediatrician, whom she had had since she was around two, when she started to menstruate. He offered at around that time-maybe a bit earlier-to allow her to see one of the women in the practice. My daughter didn't want to. A year or so later she did switch to one of the women doctors, but at ten she was really a baby. That is why I say that people vary. I know that some girls at age 10 are having sexual intercourse and giving birth to babies themselves. Those girls need to have intervention by health professionals. But my daughter was not in that universe.

She was not ready for tampons, a pelvic exam, or a visit to a strange GYN at age 10.

Deb/AGBF