Just got engaged - concerns about my diamond...

[neenydp]

I apologize for the long post, but this has been bothering me since getting engaged on Friday night....

I''ve been lurking on pricescope for months now, since my now fiancee began shopping for rings. I''ve been doing research on my own, and trying to educate him as well, but he already had his mind set on getting my ring from a jeweler he knew through a family connection. As a result, he didn''t do much research on his own and relied solely upon the knowledge of the jeweler and what he said.

We just got engaged on Friday night, and at the time, the ring was absolutely perfect! Very sparkly! I hadn''t yet seen it in daylight or examined it up close. The ring came with an EGL-USA certificate: 1.52 carats, F color, SI2 clarity, and rated by them as "Ideal Plus."

The next morning, I was so excited to look at my ring that I opened the blinds and began examining it more closely. I was startled to see two pinpoint black inclusions (right next to each other) and what appears to be a small scratch on the surface. At first I thought it was dirt and tried to clean it off, but upon looking at the diamond thru the side, I could see they were within the diamond, and, obviously visible also thru the side. I was very upset that these inclusions (black, no less) were visible to the naked eye upon looking at the top of the diamond from within 7-8 inches, and from the top of the diamond. If I could see it, I feel others could as well.

I immediately got an appointment with an independent appraiser and learned that what is being said about the GIA vs. EGL ratings is true. The diamond is in fact a G-H, I1 versus an F, SI2. Also, it''s not Ideal cut (though the appraiser said this differs among labs), but that the polish is "good" and symmetry is "very good." Now, all of this wouldn''t matter to me if I couldn''t see the black inclusions simply by looking at the diamond from the top more closely. For example, if it is an I1 but I couldn''t (or anyone else for that matter) see the inclusions from the top of the diamond, I''d be fine with it. Or, if the inclusions could be hidden by rotating the diamond so it''s under a prong. However, I think it might be located a hair too close to the table to be hidden under a prong (4-prong setting), which the appraiser agreed with. Ultimately, the diamond was appraised for $7200.

My fiancee says he paid $11,000 for it - EGL appraised it (and ultimately the seller appraised it - or simply took EGL at their word) at $17,860.00.

Obviously, he grossly overpaid for this stone. He trusted the jeweler so much and didn''t do much research on his own (points I didn''t throw in his face, of course), and obviously didn''t inspect the stone closely enough, so he didn''t see the inclusions. I brought it up to him and he''s upset that I want to exchange the stone he bought for me and looked/worked so hard for. He agrees about trying to get some of his money back, but is hurt that I want to change out the stone. My concern is that I can see the inclusions, and fear others will be able to see them, too. Looking at the diamond, it''s beautiful - very sparkly and, b/c I have petite hands, looks big on my hand - sure to draw attention. But when you bring it up closer, you can see the black dots and the small scratch/feather to the left of the table.

He is fairly resistant to talk to the jeweler about anything other than rotating the diamond to try & hide the inclusions and trying to get some of his money back since it was appraised at $10,660 less than what EGL/the seller appraised it at and because he paid $3800 more than what its value is ($7200).

What actions should we take with the jeweler - who is a family connection - who also seems to have been simply going by what the EGL cert said? What''s the proper course of action here? My fiancee isn''t sure of the refund/exchange policy...
Please advise...I''m worried...

 

[chrono]

Hoo Boy, this is a touchy one.

Let's talk about the diamond first. Most SI2s and I1s will have inclusions that are visible to the naked eye. EGL USA is usually rated correctly but not always. It is always checked faced down on white paper next to the Master stone. Since you said this was done by an independent appraiser, I'll take your word that he is doing this correctly and the results are accurate for both the colour and clarity. On the otherhand, it is also accepted for a stone to be 1 grade off (either up or down) for both colour and clarity which your stone is, so the seller can say he is selling the stone as represented because the lab cert is just a document stating their opinion on the diamond, which can vary from person to person, lab to lab.

You have 2 options:
If within the return period, you can negotiate a lower price/refund from the seller showing the paperwork from the IA, so that you are in effect paying for a similarly rated G/H I1 stone instead of a F SI2. Your second option is to return the stone and start anew.

My preference is #2 but it looks like your fiancee is very resistant to this since he feels slighted because he has put in a lot work into it (or at least he thinks he has). I think you'll have to explain;
1. You are bothered by the inclusions
2. You think he overpaid for the stone and want him to get a better deal (save $$ to put towards the wedding)
3. You are concerned with the less than good ratings on the stone's symmetry & polish and CUT! (but of course, worded with MUCH more tact than that

)

Nothing has been mentioned of the cut? What are the all the numbers of the cert? Do you have the table, depth, pavilion and crown %?

 

[Regular Guy]

Neeny and admin...

Neeny, consider studying here...

admin...consider limiting this board to men only. Though I make this suggestion only in jest...

...there may be no factual error in your concerns, Neeny. I merely consider myself glad that my wife had taken little interest in the details of her diamond, and expect if she did, she would have found problems, too.

Perhaps, others will offer more helpful advice. (and thank goodness, I see Chrono has already stepped up the plate...thank goodness!).

Warm regards,

 

[Lorelei]

Oh dear...Ditto Chrono in what she said regarding clarity grading and expectations, see this thread for more info.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/clarity-eye-clean-definition-interpretation-and-taste.30483/

I wish you the best of luck with this, so you don't know if the jeweller has a return policy in place? I hope this situation can be resolved without too much stress. You may have to tread carefully here as you fiance has already said he would be hurt if the diamond was returned....Also you can't go by labels such as Ideal Cut, many sellers use these terms loosely. Do you think you can learn to love this diamond in time? Not all SI clarity grades are eyeclean even if it had appraised as being an SI2, especially in a larger stone such as yours. Also as this diamond has appraised ( by a good appraiser hopefully) as in effect a grade lower on colour and clarity, I don't know what your chances are of getting any money back. I think your options are holding your peace if you can and trying to love your diamond, or speaking to your fiance and get an exchange / refund - maybe the jeweller might agree to an exchange if no return policy. Also bear in mind that clarity grading is done face up, it isn't unusual to see something from the side, even in a higher clarity grade.

Please let us know how you get on.

 

[cinnamon013]

Tell your DF that you would like to view the receipt. Maybe he actually paid less for it, and now he is embarrassed to tell you. The return policy should be listed on the receipt. If not, check their website, or call them. Family jeweler or not, you aren''t thrilled about the inclusions. Tread lightly, as I''m sure he is feeling bad right now.

 

[Lorelei]

"He is fairly resistant to talk to the jeweler about anything other than rotating the diamond to try & hide the inclusions and trying to get some of his money back since it was appraised at $10,660 less than what EGL/the seller appraised it at and because he paid $3800 more than what its value is ($7200)."

Also it is usual for the appraisal value to be considerably more than the price actually paid for the diamond on the grading reports. https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/why-is-this-diamonds-egl-value-so-high.55120/

 

[chrono]

On the topic of pricing,
For a stone about 1.5ct, G and I1 (which is fairly close to what yours is rated by the appraiser), I found a similarly priced stone at $7100 but with a GIA cert on the PS database. If this is roughly what he paid at a Brick and Mortar store (I think you said he paid $7200), then I'd say he paid a very fair price. Most times, appraisals are inflated to either make the buyer feel better.

If all the above is true, I don't think you'll have much success in getting a price break/refund from the jeweller.

 

[neenydp]

Thanks for your replies. I do have the numbers of the depth, pavilion, table, etc. but not on me now. I plugged in the #s on the EGL cert into the HCA adviser and the result was 3.9...

He actually paid around $11k for the ring vs. the $7200 it was appraised at (by the independent appraiser). Obviously, he thought he was getting a good price on it being that EGL and the seller appraised it at $17860.00.

Will I be able to negotiate w/ the seller based on the fact that an independent appraiser rated it a G and an I1 vs. an F and SI2? Or will he say that it''s all subjective and he can''t do anything b/c it''s only a grade off? My fiancee paid $3800 more than what its appraised value is....

Would visible from the top inclusions bother you? Small black dots? I hate to say it, but I''d hate for someone else to notice them...

 

[neenydp]

I agree. That''s what makes me feel even worse about it - knowing that he paid much more than he should''ve on the stone. At this point, it''s such a sensitive topic that asking for the receipt might make him even more upset as he really wanted to do this himself and didn''t want me to worry about how much he was spending (he assured me he wouldn''t ''break the bank'' so to speak). What is supposed to be a happy occasion has been a bit clouded by my discovery...

 

[chrono]

I'm sorry to say that small black dots (or even one) that is visible from the top would bother me.

I understand that his ego has taken a beating, so I would gently arm him with the knowledge you've gained here and let him handle it with the jeweller.

 

[jaz464]

I find it somewhat amusing that your FH has said he put in so much time and effort to find the perfect diamond for you when you looked at the diamond for a few moments in sunlight and saw obvious black inclusions. Did the man not even look at the diamond before buying it? And did he do this without inquiring about any return policy? Sorry, I just can't believe how some people jump into a diamond purchase seemingly with their eyes closed. $11,000 is a lot of money!

I know your FH will not want to hear this, but I feel that you will always find fault with the diamond and your eyes will always be drawn to the inclusions. I would do what you can to get yourselves a better quality stone.

 

[MustangGal]

Did the 11K he spent include a mounting? If it did, then maybe see what the price of the mounting is and subtract it, maybe he didn''t overpay by as much as you think.

Have you shown him the spots, and can he see them easily? This might help a bit if he can clearly see the "defect" of the stone.

 

[oldminer]

The appraisal which comes from EGL with its grading reports is sadly not credible in terms of dollar value for nearly any consumer. The values used on those reports induce folks to believe they are getting a bargain when the opposite is likely is, the case. Byond the value issue, those reports are about as good as any other report, but when the value is too high or innappropriate, the appraisal fails to be worthy of credibility.

Maybe you can'';t complain that your fiance overpaid. There is no protection except Caveat Emptor on how much you agree to pay for a diamond. Obviosuly, less might have been paid under different buying circumstances. I hope this is a lesson to both of you about making smart, well planned decisions on future high tag purchases. You probably spent a few thousand bucks more than necessary. Remember, we spend more than necessary all the time. We go to fany places for dinner and pay many times the cost of the food when we could fill upelsewhere for a lot less. Do we get annoyed? No. We do what we choose to do with the necessary knowledge. Its a choice to be made once you have the information. Do better on the next purchase.

 

[neenydp]

I completely agree - hence my frustration. After all the time I''ve spent on the boards learning everything I could, he didn''t do the same, choosing to spend such a large chunk of money without being informed as much as possible beforehand. Obviously, I told him intermittently what I had been learning, but you can lead a horse to water, but can''t make him drink. Knowing this, I''m upset, but he and I don''t see eye to eye on it. He feels that because he gave it to me, I should be happy with it because he did the "best" he could do with what he had.

That said, we are going to the jeweler next time we visit his hometown (3 hours away), which should be this weekend to try and get this corrected. I''m trying to get him to call the jeweler when he opens tomorrow (closed today) to make him aware of the situation and to ensure he''ll have some similar stones for us to check on when we get there. If not money back, then at least perhaps switch it with a stone that''s less included, or whose inclusions aren''t visible to MY eye. I love the stone from >8inches out, but as was stated earlier, my eyes will always be drawn to the inclusions. I just hate that this is a point of contention for him - he knows I''m not happy with what he gave me...which no man wants to feel after making such a huge move as proposing.

 

[Lynn B]

Oh neeny, I am so sorry you are disappointed in your new diamond.

Putting the money issue aside, let''s talk about the visible inclusions. I would never PREFER to be able to see any inclusions with the naked eye, of course... but maybe it''s really not that noticeable to the casual (or even not-so-casual) observer? Remember, the sparkle of a RB (and the nice size of your stone) will be mostly what people *see*. Can you take some good macro shots of the diamond and show us what it looks like?

 

[Dee*Jay]

If the jeweler does have other stones for you to check out you might request that he fax you the certs ahead of time (or at least give you all of the info off of them) so you can run the numbers first. I'm sure this seems like a big PITA but it's probably the easier option that switching the stone and then finding out you've lot like an 8.5 on the HCA and trying to switch it again. And NO numbers aren't everything, but I see from your earlier post that you ran the numbers on the stone you have so I'm guessing you're prone to do it again, so even if the stone looks OK to your eye you might not be happy with one that scores poorly (the whole "mind clean" thing).

BTW, is there any way you can kind of "take over" the relationship with the jeweler since it seems you might be more knowledgeable about diamonds than your FI? That might be a tough one to swing but I thought I'd mention it...

 

[Jenn5504]

I''m sorry to hear you''re going through this..........I hope the jewler will be willing to work on a solution with you guys. Having owned an EGL SI2 with visible black inclusions (also a 1.52 ct, how funny, but mine was a princess cut) I can tell you that the inclusions did bother me, but believe it or not I got nothing but raving compliments from onlookers. In most viewing situations, even if you hold your hand up to show them the ring, they probably won''t notice the inclusion. Of coarse my close friends knew it was there because I''d complain about it to them and show them---once you pointed it out it was VERY obvious but I don''t believe the average person would notice it right off hopefully. I hope though that you can find a way to get out from under this stone. For that amount of $ you would have no problem finding a replacement that you would be happier with.

 

[oldminer]

I give you my sympathy. I have decades of being married and I truly know the problem of not pleasing my wife even if I did my best. Some of us guys do improve a little with age, but I still don''t do everything right in her eyes. I suppose I never will and I do feel badly about it sometimes. Maybe the jeweler will allow you to work with him directly in order to get a diamond that is perfect for you. As long as the problem can be solved, your fiancé'' can get over the hurt feelings. Its a gift for you, not a badge of achievement for him. YOU have to love it and he spent enough that it ought to be possible. A little discreet chat with the jeweler, a smile and not a confrontational approach may do the trick. Work a little magic on the jeweler.

 

[ML2014]

Neeny- as someone who''s been where you are, I feel your pain. I chose to not press my DH on my diamond, and frankly, regretted that for many years. It''s great that you plan to see the jeweler soon. If at all possible, you should do this together. You both have something to gain here. Even if he is really sensitive about the situation, you really want to try to have him be part of the process so he doesn''t look at the diamond and see one he didn''t pick out for you (assuming you find a cleaner stone).


When I got married , a good friend gave me a book to read about "getting married". The whole message of the book was that a couple actually begins their marriage with their engagement. How you will handle planning, finances and probably most important of all, conflict resolution throughout your marriage is pretty much defined as you navigate through your engagement and plan your wedding and life together. I may be a dissenting voice here, but if you truly feel that you will look at your diamond and see flaws, and the fact that your FI probably overpaid for the stone by a few thousand dollars, I do think you need to delicately address this with your FI.

Best of luck to you.

 

[kcoursolle]

I''m so sorry to hear what you are going through. Hopefully b/c of this thread another man out there will let his gf give more input on the ring decision.

Have you considered having him read this thread? Honestly, you have come off as someone who cares about him and his feelings, but who wants to remedy the situation. Maybe he will have an easier time understanding how much the ring means to you (and getting it right) if he reads this.

Another thought: going to the jeweler with specific cut info that the stones must fall within and color/clarity. Yes, he overpaid...but if you can get the ring and stone that you like, then I would just forget about the extra money lost and enjoy your ring once it''s right. You can get diamond bargains later on for other gifts, and next time pick them out yourself and send him the bill LOL!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

The sad thing is, I would no longer have respect for this jeweler and would rather do a complete return. This is why we always tell guys that they will likely NOT get a good deal from that "friend of the family" jeweler!

I would not be happy with an I1 diamond for an e-ring and most SI2''s would not be satisfactory either, and that is talking GIA. I''d insist on a GIA cert so you can be reasonably sure of what you''re getting. I think you certainly should exchange the stone, but you are going to be drastically overpaying because you already know what his pricing is like compared to the appraisal. The best thing would be to return it. If the ring was not custom, there should be some sort of return policy, I would think. I would not keep a stone that has visible inclusions. It will always bother you. Your fiance should want you to be happy above all else (and furthermore, it is his fault that he didn''t do his homework since you told him where he could get the knowledge!).

 

[angeline]

Date: 7/2/2007 3:00:35 PM
Author: oldminer
I give you my sympathy. I have decades of being married and I truly know the problem of not pleasing my wife even if I did my best. Some of us guys do improve a little with age, but I still don''t do everything right in her eyes. I suppose I never will and I do feel badly about it sometimes. Maybe the jeweler will allow you to work with him directly in order to get a diamond that is perfect for you. As long as the problem can be solved, your fiancé'' can get over the hurt feelings. Its a gift for you, not a badge of achievement for him. YOU have to love it and he spent enough that it ought to be possible. A little discreet chat with the jeweler, a smile and not a confrontational approach may do the trick. Work a little magic on the jeweler.

This really nails it I think. I understand he might feel hurt now that the stone isn''t all that, but he will feel worse over the years when you fail to fall in love with it and be proud of it. I don''t think you''re being unreasonable, it''s a quality issue, not a greed issue. You''re not whining because it''s not big enough for example. good luck.

a

 

[diasurfer]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're not happy with the stone. I just purchased a stone for my gal's e-ring and am waiting for it to be set. I dread the idea that she won't be happy with it and have done all I can to be sure that she will be happy with it. I wish your guy had to. That said, I feel the need to defend him from the guy's point of view. To me he wasn't necessarily being lazy. I don't think he would spend $11K on a lark. I think it's more likely that he truly felt that, in spite of what you were learning on the web, the best way to make the purchase is with a trusted jeweler with a family connection. If the jeweler had been one of the well-respected ones on this forum, he could have remained totally ignorant and he still could have come out fine by placing his trust in good hands. The real fault, if any, is that it sounds like the jeweler took advantage of the situation. But it's done.

I definitely would not ask to see the receipt, and I wouldn't ask him to read this thread. I don't think at this point that the problem is he doesn't understand its importance to you. My guess is it is abundantly clear to him at this point. If more men posted on this site, there would probably be more "can't believe she's not happy with this diamond" threads. That wouldn't make you understand his feelings any better though. Both your feelings and his are completely legitimate, IMHO.

I think oldminer's advice makes a lot of sense. I would be as non-confrontational as possible and not go back to the jeweler claiming you got ripped off. I would nice and politely tell him (and your guy) that they didn't understand that eye-clean clarity is of the utmost important to you. If you can't return it, hopefully he can exchange your stone for one with better clarity and still make enough profit to agree to it. I don't think it is helpful to go in there with contraints about angles and HCA scores, etc, at this point. After all, you said yourself that you love the stone from 8" out. It's the black dots from 8" that bothers you.

I think Kajamie had some wise words as well, and she's been there. Both you and him have my sympathy. Good luck working it out together.

 

[marcy]

Hi. I am sorry to hear about you aren''t happy with your diamond and your FI is sensitive about discussing it. I hate to hear you might have paid too much for the diamond. I know I would want to change it for something else but I would want my FI blessings. Good luck with finding a happy middle ground.

 

[WorkingHardforSmallRewards]

I am sorry this is so long, but I got a little emotional while I was writing it.

well my first thoughts are that you could have a girlfriend call the store and pretend to be interested in buying a diamond, and ask about the store's return policy. That way you know it before you go there and you can talk to him about the return process before hand if it is available, as that is obviously what you should do. But at the same time you won't offend the jeweler unnecessarily by asking him if it is not available.


Also, this is a real dread of mine. I have an asian friend who is always complaining about how small her .30ct Tiffany diamond is, even though she refused to get anything but Tiffany's. she even said in front of her husband "if it just weren't so small I could keep it." (as in she doesn't want it forever, just for now) which I saw on his face was a devastating thing for him to hear.

Just today I showed my diamond to a couple of ladies and they had two real basic yellow lights in the room. it is .61 ct and when I pulled it out I told them it was small. She said, Yes, it is VERY small. then the damn thing didn't do anything at all becaues of the crappy lighting, it just sat there like a piece of ice with a few glints of dripping water. Then I told them the price and she mocked me and said her initial ring was 1ct for 1400 dollars. I then knew she didn't know what she was talking about so I asked for more information. She told me it had baguettes on the side with about a .50ct center stone (but then she said she didn't really know the size of it), and she said she liked that one much more and it was much cheaper. It was humiliating--if only it had reacted to the light damn it.

So the whole day today I have been staring at it and have had my heart in my throat terrified it is too small.

This all leads to a point. If she got it and she told me "aww, it is cute, if only it were bigger then I could keep it." I would literally take it off her finger and tell her to go buy her own, I am getting my 70% money back.

But if she didn't say anything for a few days. Then at night she talked to me honestly about how she wants to be married in a diamond she can keep for a very long time, one that she can look at when we are separated and remember me and how much I love her, and that every time she looks at it she can remember how much work I have done to select a GREAT diamond ring, but also all of the long hours and work to PAY for it. It is a mark of so much love, and a mark of respect for community, society and tradition. It is something to wear that can show the world how much we love each other, and that the whole world understands as soon as they see. And because of that she really would like to get one that is a bit larger, as she wants the diamond to be as incredible as it can be, because it means so just wants it to be PERFECT in her mind so that it can convey all of her emotions perfectly."

Then I would be a bit sad, but at the same time, I would understand. I would have to set a budget, and I would let her help with it to a certain degree if she really wanted, as it is a representation of our union.

Basically, what I am saying is, explain to him what he already knows about Erings, and make all of your reasons related to how much you love him and how much work he has done for it. NEVER INSINUATE HE DIDN'T STUDY ENOUGH. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH WORK HE PUT IN TO IT, PLUS--IT IS EXPENSIVE, AND FOR A TINY LITTLE RING, WHICH GUYS GENERALLY DON'T RELATE TO ANYWAY.

Then you can even bring up the idea that you know that he has worked hard, and he worked with the jeweler and the jeweler taught him..but not everyone can be trusted. And you are afraid that this person isn't someone you can really trust, not with something as important to you as your Engagement ring.

All of those same concepts obviously apply to you seeing an inclusion. But if you do it because you want a beautiful diamond--then he is going to feel "$%$# you."

But if the purpose is out of love and concern for the two of you and out of a desire to remind yourself of that love, wear a representation of that love on your body, and show that love to the world in a small beautiful physical manifestion. Well then, there is no way he can turn you down.

Once he sees it that way, you can coach him to learning the same things you learned, and then he will be able to work better to help you get what you want.

I just hope the guy has a return policy! my fingers are crossed! but if not, find something eye clean, and be happy as it should in fact be about that love, and not truly about the diamond.

 

[simplysplendid]

Hi, I am sorry to hear what has happened.. I hope all will work out well in the end...

 

[ZhenyaH]

Hi

Your post read like something that I would''ve written 4 years ago when I got engaged. My now-husband had no interest in doing research in finding the perfect diamond. Well, I did. I told him what I wanted and probably did most of the research. We contacted a B&M store who got the stone that I wanted and he picked out the setting. I was thrilled--until I found this forum. With the newfound knowledge, I found out that the diamond that "we" picked out was shallow, not really well cut, and pricey for its specs. After much pestering, I decided that I was going to upgrade. The jewelry store didn''t have a return policy so that was my only option. After a few visits, the jewelry store brought in a diamond of specs that I wanted and...I simply could not do it. My husband is much more sentimental than I am. He was hurt that the ring that he had chosen wasn''t good enough but because of my pestering, he relented. (Frankly, I doubt he would''ve noticed had I upgraded without me telling him.) But even though I knew that the ring wasn''t perfect, it was the ring we chose together.

Fast forward four years: I still wouldn''t return this ring. But I''d be up for getting a larger annivery ring, not an upgrade but an additional one.

I''m really glad that I didn''t exchange the diamond even though every now and then, I check to see how much it would be to get another. Honestly, even if I were to be in a position to buy another one, I''m not sure that I would. With time, your priorities change and I don''t care about the right specs as much as I did before.

The point I''m trying to make is that whatever decision you make will be an emtional one, and not be a financial transaction alone. Even though you''re upset right now, in a few years, it may not matter as much. And even though you may be religious about cleaning it every day now, in a few years, you may not be so bothered if it gets dirty/cloudy from hand lotion, soap,etc and not think about the diamond as much.

Just a thought.

 

[frozengirl]

I received a family engagement ring that had a lot of sentimental value to my husband. I never really liked the ring because the setting was just not me. Also, I think that when it was appraised it was an I1 which was for some reason very upsetting to me. Despite all of this, I used to get tons of compliments on the ring.

8 years later and I picked out a new engagement ring that I love. Although he really liked the new ring when he saw it, he completely deferred to me saying that I was the one that would have to wear it.

 

[fanboy]

I know this might scratch a lot of people here the wrong way, but I''d consider leaving the situation as is and learn to love your ring.

With all the fuss over diamonds and rings that goes on here, it can be hard to remember that an engagement ring is all about an engagement to start your lives together. If your fiance has already shown that he''s hurt or offended when you mention the issue, consider the damage you may be doing to your future marriage by continuing to press it. They say you shouldn''t overspend on an engagement ring because you don''t want to carry a huge financial debt into marriage; hurt feelings are no less a burden. Do you want your husband to always remember that you didn''t accept his ring? Admittedly, men can be awfully ego-driven, and thus easily hurt. However, there will be many times when you need to bruise that ego for the sake of communication and your combined well-being: think about whether this instance is one of those times.

You say that you''re hurt by your fiance''s lack of research, but ultimately you can''t really know how much effort he expended. As your future spouse, you can only trust that he did his best in this situation. After all, he did spend a very large sum of his hard-earned money. Whatever effort he may not have spent researching this ring, he certainly spent much effort working to pay for it.

Ultimately, it''s just a bunch of compressed carbon. Only the sentiment behind it should count.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

I am sorry for your upset with your new diamond, but I am also sorry for your FI''s feelings. Unfortunately this sounds like it is a tough situation...either you will not be happy with the ring due to the inclusions, or your FI will not be happy that you want to exchange the stone. Hopefully you will be able to come to some sort of agreement with a happy outcome. Good luck!