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JFF: Did you kiss your husband/wife before marriage?

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Italiahaircolor

Italiahaircolor

Ideal_Rock
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Okay, so I was watching that huge Duggar family on TLC, and the episode I caught was about one of the girls getting married...A Dugger Wedding, or something cheesy like that. And I was literally shocked to find out that this girl and her soon-to-be-husband had never even kissed before!! They were saving their kisses for marriage. I was floored by this concept since I consider kissing to be pretty innocent in the grand scheme of things.

Now, I personally did a lot of kissing with my husband before we were married...and no, I don''t regret it. But, I suppose this is far more of a common practice that I ever even knew! Go figure! So, I figured since PS tends to have a pretty eclectic group of women and men, I thought I''d pose the question...did you kiss before marriage? And if not, why? Or, if you did kiss...what are your views on saving yourself (kissing-wise of course) and have you ever known anyone who obstained from smooching till the big day?
 
Ehhhh, no.

In other words, yes, I did a lot of smooching before I got engaged (not married yet, does that count?).

Lots and lots
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As for anyone I know: Yes, I know a girl (her family is from Jordan and they are all very religious/traditional Muslims). She did not kiss her husband before she married him (or at least, wasn't supposed to). Come to think of it, she never went out alone with him until she got married.
 
Wow! That is pretty intense, I''ve never heard of the practice before!
 
I saw that too, and it was like a train wreck, I couldn''t stop watching! I''ve never heard of that tradition before either. I understand each religion has different values, etc. but no kissing seems a little drastic? Maybe someone can chime in and inform us!
 
The Duggars seem very extreme to me...like "no kissing before you''re married...but then you''ll be baby factory"

And I just had to smile remembering how uncomfortable my first kiss was...you know, awkward...like where does you head go, and all that other technical stuff...and now imagine adding that stress to your wedding day!!! HAHAH, no thank you.
 
yes... i kissed many a frog before my prince.
 
I saw that one too. It was the one ofthe Duggar sons getting married. I thought it was interesting when he told he fiance that his/their parents gave them permission to hold hands! I was thinking "wow, that is a lot of restraint!" After he proposed to her he just gave her a hug. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it just seemed, to me anyways, that they may have wanted to kiss or be close.

Back to the question, I personally do not know of anyone who hasn''t waited to kiss their husband/wife until marriage. Good question! I''dreally like to know other peoples points of view on the topic.
 
I didn''t even wait until high school to start kissing boys, let alone marriage.
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I don''t know of anyone who is saving sex for marriage, let alone kissing.

I admire their restraint, I''ll tell ya that much!
 
I know a couple who recently married that did not kiss until their wedding day. They dated for over 2 years before they got married! I really have no idea why they did this, it was just something they both agreed on.

IMO, I find it more admirable that my friends waited over 2 years to kiss. Josh and Anna waited three months- the three months they were getting to know each other. I''m sure it took restraint, but there is no way I could have waiting 2 years to kiss FI! 3 months, maybe (especially if one of us was in Arkansas and the other Florida), but 2 years, not a chance!
 
Uhh, wow, no, I can''t say I''ve ever known anybody who didn''t kiss before marriage. I know a few people who are abstaining from sex until marriage, but that''s about it (and those people are fairly rare). I''ve been living in sin for 1 1/2 years now, so I''m not one to know about this not kissing thing
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I can''t imagine not kissing! Do you know how long these kids on tv were going out before marriage? I think something like this makes more sense if you''re only dating 6 months before marriage, but considering most of us now wait 3 years or more, that''s a long time without a kiss!!
 
Date: 1/30/2009 11:41:09 AM
Author: elrohwen
Uhh, wow, no, I can''t say I''ve ever known anybody who didn''t kiss before marriage. I know a few people who are abstaining from sex until marriage, but that''s about it (and those people are fairly rare). I''ve been living in sin for 1 1/2 years now, so I''m not one to know about this not kissing thing
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I can''t imagine not kissing! Do you know how long these kids on tv were going out before marriage? I think something like this makes more sense if you''re only dating 6 months before marriage, but considering most of us now wait 3 years or more, that''s a long time without a kiss!!
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I think it said they were dating for 1-2 years before they got engaged.... (maybe that is just me hoping. ;) )
 
They never dated. Their engagement was their dating. They met about 2 years before they got engaged.

Josh and Anna Duggar



ETA: Their hand holding drove me crazy! I mean, if I couldn't kiss FI, I would be holding his hand a lot, but them holding both hands constantly made me LOL.
 
UGH!!! I''m sorry I just find this weird and wrong and weird again. (I''m SORRY if I am offending anyone), but COME ON!! No, I haven''t been saving my kisses for marriage. Am I supposed to marry my dogs now that I''ve kissed them too?
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Also, how on God''s green earth do you know if you''ve got chemistry with someone if you don''t even go so far as to KISS them? No thanks!
 
hmmm just to throw it out there... was it like.. no kissing in the pretty woman sense of the word????
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I wouldn''t consider kissing to be that big a thing on the scale of things that can be done so I would not wait until marriage to kiss D. Each to their own but I couldn''t imagine waiting that long!
 
Date: 1/30/2009 11:49:30 AM
Author: blackpolkadot
They never dated. Their engagement was their dating. They met about 2 years before they got engaged.

Josh and Anna Duggar



ETA: Their hand holding drove me crazy! I mean, if I couldn''t kiss FI, I would be holding his hand a lot, but them holding both hands constantly made me LOL.
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The 1-2 years before was their "courting." I really do not see how they did it. The hand holding definitely drove me crazy too. That is probably why their engagement was only 3 months long and they were always "chaperoned."
 
My cousin C and his wife had their first kiss in their wedding, but C had kissed his high school girlfriend so it was not his first kiss full stop. He found it too "confusing" to kiss but not do more so he and his fiance had restricted themselves to "serious hand-holding". The pastor announced this and bragged about it in the ceremony, to the shock of many of the less religious people in the audience. C had gotten more religious at college, after starting in probably the most religious faction of the family, so most of the family was fairly scandalized by the no-premarital kissing. We all assumed they were abstaining before marriage, given their rather abbreviated courtship and young age, but the no kissing threw some for a loop. And then his mother noticed a lot of babies among their friends at the reception (who were also very Christian, mostly college age or very young 20s) and she went around asking her son if he believed in birth control and trying to sneak in some extra birds and bees education before the reception ended! To no avail, they were immediately pregnant and probably happy about it.

But! They did stop after two kids, or at least pause, so they are not quiverful, thankfully. I don''t think resource conservation will go too well if everyone becomes quiverful.

Anyway, no-premarital kissing is certainly not my cup of tea, but there are people who get married for different reasons. Let alone whole cultures of people who let their parents arrange their marriages (or are expected to follow suggestions to of the matchmaker.)
 
I''ve heard of the practice before but I practiced before marriage!!

Actually my friend and I were just discussing that the other day (while groaning watching the Duggars). yes, it''s sweet and all that, probably better in line with the Bible and stuff, BUT...have you ever thought you really liked a person and then that first kiss was the worst ever!?? I remember I was head over heels for this guy (in high school) and I was sorely disappointed after the smooch. Practice wouldn''t have helped, it was like there was no real chemistry even though we had loads in common and enjoyed being with each other. What happens if they get married and have no chemistry?? Seems like a set-up for a fall.

just my $.02
 
Date: 1/30/2009 12:35:53 PM
Author: somethingshiny
I''ve heard of the practice before but I practiced before marriage!!

Actually my friend and I were just discussing that the other day (while groaning watching the Duggars). yes, it''s sweet and all that, probably better in line with the Bible and stuff, BUT...have you ever thought you really liked a person and then that first kiss was the worst ever!?? I remember I was head over heels for this guy (in high school) and I was sorely disappointed after the smooch. Practice wouldn''t have helped, it was like there was no real chemistry even though we had loads in common and enjoyed being with each other. What happens if they get married and have no chemistry?? Seems like a set-up for a fall.

just my $.02
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OMG, YES! This happened to me too! I tossed that little fishey RIGHT BACK! haha
 
Yeah, I saw that episode too. It was very intriguing..... The Duggars believe in saving the ''first kiss'' until the wedding day, so that''s why they haven''t kissed. In the show I saw they were holding hands every second, though, and were all lovey-dovey. Almost like a new couple in that first ''infatuation'' phase of a relationship. It was kind of disturbing to me because I wonder what real foundation they have to base their relationship on. As someone else said - they didn''t really date before they got engaged. They ''courted'', and then he decided that ''she was the one for him. Then they spoke to the parents and got engaged. I

hope they really honestly like each other when the first blush of married life wears off. But they''ll probably be okay, anyway - they believe in life-long commitment and their parents have set a good example for them both- so they''ll probably make it work anyhow.
 
Haven''t seen it, but it def sounds like courtship...which is more common than one thinks!
Parental approval is a HUGE part of courtship, and no, more often than not the couple never goes on a date. But I''ve read a few articles on it through one of my sociology classes and it appears that more often than not the people involved prefer it that way.
 
Date: 1/30/2009 12:50:47 PM
Author: luckystar112
Haven''t seen it, but it def sounds like courtship...which is more common than one thinks!
Parental approval is a HUGE part of courtship, and no, more often than not the couple never goes on a date. But I''ve read a few articles on it through one of my sociology classes and it appears that more often than not the people involved prefer it that way.
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I''d agree with this... it was very important that my parents like my BFs, also my BRO... when they didn''t the guy didn''t last long.
 
Oh *I* get it!

No kissing before marriage, but afterward, hump and breed like rabbits, is that it?
 
Actually, this is fairly common in a number of conservative religions (muslim, orthodox judaism). For example, while I was living in New York I had several friends and colleagues from orthodox jewish families. They did not hug or kiss prior to marriage, including during the engagement period. They also did not spend any time alone with their spouse-to-be while engaged. While it is not the path I personally chose, I do respect it as a part of certain religious beliefs and find no reason to mock them. They are simply following their beliefs and it''s not doing me or anyone else any harm. To be clear, none of these were arranged marriages, they were all entered into freely and they did date before getting engaged, just not in a one-on-one situation. For what it''s worth, everyone I knew that was in this situation had a very wonderful and loving marriage that did not seem to have suffered any ill-effects by not kissing before marriage. Not for everyone by any means, but it doesn''t mean they won''t have a good marriage.
 
You know, I really think they''ll be okay. They seem like they have very similar expectations about married life, and come from very similar backgrounds. He works and runs a business and spent the past few years preparing for marriage. In all honesty, even though it''s not the life I''d choose, it sounds like they''re pretty ready for it. Kissing is not exactly a prerequisite for a happy marriage.

I honestly have more faith in a relationship like this than I do in most "whirlwind romances" when people haven''t been preparing themselves for marriage, and just happen to meet. I just feel like their expectations are probably more in line than many of mine were with BF''s when we were only a year or two into our relationship (and a similar age).

Anyways, to answer the OP''s question: Nope, I''m definitely not waiting til marriage to kiss BF! I had a good time kissing some frogs before I met him, too....
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. But my friend''s youth group leader had her first kiss at the altar. My friend said it made her feel like a s*** when she kissed her high school boyfriend and had to see them every Sunday. Not that *they* made her feel that way, mind you, just that she had kind of taken THEIR relationship as somewhat normal, and felt a little trashy when she didn''t live up to it.
 
Date: 1/30/2009 1:08:05 PM
Author: NovemberBride
Actually, this is fairly common in a number of conservative religions (muslim, orthodox judaism). For example, while I was living in New York I had several friends and colleagues from orthodox jewish families. They did not hug or kiss prior to marriage, including during the engagement period. They also did not spend any time alone with their spouse-to-be while engaged. While it is not the path I personally chose, I do respect it as a part of certain religious beliefs and find no reason to mock them. They are simply following their beliefs and it''s not doing me or anyone else any harm. To be clear, none of these were arranged marriages, they were all entered into freely and they did date before getting engaged, just not in a one-on-one situation. For what it''s worth, everyone I knew that was in this situation had a very wonderful and loving marriage that did not seem to have suffered any ill-effects by not kissing before marriage. Not for everyone by any means, but it doesn''t mean they won''t have a good marriage.
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All joking aside, I do think whatever a couple decides to do mutually is great. No sex, no kissing, no soulful gazing, whatever. In fact, I think (use crochety cranky voice here) kids these days could do with more talking and getting to know one another instead of hot hormone induced sex. We''re a have sex first, make sure we''re compatible that way, then get to know ya society these days. I''m sad to say even TGuy started out that way (in my defense, he was only supposed to be a 2 night stand
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) but at least we paid our dues when we had hardly any sex over the course of a two year long distance relationship and had a lot of getting to know one another over marathon phone calls.
 
I am an advocate of sex before marriage, because you would want to know about any type of major sexual dysfunction, or even sexual incompatibility before marriage. I have a friend who had to get her marriage annulled due to her husband''s impotence. They were good Catholics who decided to wait to have sex before they got married, and she was devastated to discover that they could not consummate their marriage. It was a horrible situation, and I think that "testing the goods before you buy" is important. Sex is one of the very most important parts of marriage, and if your sex life isn''t going to work, neither is your marriage.
 
Date: 1/30/2009 1:28:32 PM
Author: vespergirl
I am an advocate of sex before marriage, because you would want to know about any type of major sexual dysfunction, or even sexual incompatibility before marriage. I have a friend who had to get her marriage annulled due to her husband''s impotence. They were good Catholics who decided to wait to have sex before they got married, and she was devastated to discover that they could not consummate their marriage. It was a horrible situation, and I think that ''testing the goods before you buy'' is important. Sex is one of the very most important parts of marriage, and if your sex life isn''t going to work, neither is your marriage.
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Yup...everyone remember Charlotte? And she wan''t even a virgin!

Yea, while I always tend to lean on the side that says, "Do whatever makes you happy...as long as it doesn''t hurt anyone else..blah blah blah," I too, think it is VERY SMART to know your partner in that way before marriage. Sex is a HUGE part of a relationship, especially when it''s a problem.
 
Echoing Diamond, I do know several Orthodox Jewish families where the couple were set up by the community and sort of decided "hey, we have mutual interests, lets do this!" and now have many babies. there was no courtship or kissing, and I am intrigued by the entering into marriage with little knowledge of each other but a very well established idea of what "marriage" looks like and yet no personal expectations or baggage. Does that make sense? I do like the idea of the community working to support the marriage, that is so different from today's mobile society, and yet that ancient model is very patriarchal (though in some circles more egalitarian now).

On the flip side of the coin, when young in the Bible-Belt I knew lots of allegedly devout Christian teens who would do "everything but" while wearing promise rings from their dads. In my sheltered experience, I had never heard of doing some of the things they talked about. My BFF got detention in Algebra while we were all chatting while "doing homework" for shrieking "you put his what, where?" I had been stunned into silence by the lurid tale but served the detention with her.

A dear friend of mine who is Catholic, well, was, as she is dearly departed, did not "french kiss" her long term love before they got married. It was very sweet, and yes, they had wanted many many children and would have if cancer had not taken her from us. She did not judge the rest of us as we went through BF after BF and when some close friends decided that they were gay and in love with each other she rejoiced that they had found love. I think her restraint from physical contact is not at all a path for all to tread or even to aspire to, but for her and her DH it was perfect.

I guess that on this topic there are some who make the saving of any sort of sexual contact for the sacred space of marriage look like a weird farce, and some who rejoice in the process.
 
To each his/her own...but yeah, my DH and I did kiss before we were married.
 
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