Is it better to let the girl pick the ring?

[MissDimity]

My FI and myself picked the diamond and the ring together. I am so happy we did, as it''s a big purchase and my FI wanted to make sure I would love it, and that it was the right style, shape and size.

Going to pick out the ring/ diamond was one of the most exciting romantic days I in my life and after we did it, we went out to dinner to celebrate.

I was still surprised by the proposal as I did not know when he would propose, and I love my ring so much as I know the trouble that has gone behind picking it out together.

 

[Daisi2112]

I am glad my fiance included me in the process. I didn''t pick out every detail, but I gave him a general idea of what kind of ring and stone I wanted (he determined the budget and told me roughly what it was before I started giving him a general idea of the style, etc...). I know he would have picked out a ring I like without my input, but I really enjoyed and got giggly knowing something was coming and only had a general idea. He did surprise me with the proposal, however. I had no idea when he was going to do it and that was an awesome surprise!

 

[sba771]

I was somewhat involved. We did the standard walk along 5th ave (we lived in NYC) and stop in the stores to see what style/cut I liked, After that he was on his own, but I did direct him to PS and other tools so he was well educated. I kind of new what I was getting since I pointed the style I wanted, but it was still a HUGE surprise since he picked the size and the diamond itself. I loved the element of surprise.

 

[atroop711]

my husband just gave me a budget and I picked the new e-ring. The original e-ring he picked and the stone wasn''t great (he just took the word of a jeweler). When it was time for our anniversary, he gave me a budget and told me to pick my dream ring. Well I found Pricescope, got help from great ppl on here, hooked up with Whiteflash, found a stone I loved, had them custom make my dream setting...and VOILA..4+ yrs later and I still LOVEEEEE this ring

 

[Catmom]

We used my hubby''s grandmother''s stone and went shopping together for the setting. It was exciting and romantic to pick it out together.

 

[tyty333]

I think most ladies prefer to give input (of course I may be biased by the PSforum

). I think if you know what stone
she wants (and what her priorities are...size vs color vs clarity - cut is always a priority whether she knows or not) then
you can probably get the stone. Let her pick out the setting (without seeing the stone) and have it all put together
without her seeing it. The big surpise is when you propose with the ring and she gets to see the conclusion to the
effort that both of you have put into the ring. That would be the best of both worlds to me. You get some surprise
and some input!

 

[vespergirl]

I have kind of a funny story. My husband really wanted to get me a 2 ct round diamond solitiare, but I thought, boring, that''s what all our friends have. So I kept talking about wanting a square-cut stone, and when he finally proposed, he said that we should go pick the ring together, so that I could get what I wanted. The only thing that he was insistent about was a platinum solitiare setting, because he really didn''t like sidestones, but wanted me to pick the diamond.

We went shopping, and I looked at asschers, princesses, and square radiants, and chose an asscher stone. He didn''t love it, but he bought it for me because it''s what I liked.

Anyway, down the road, I ended up swapping it for ... a 2ct RB solitiare!

It turned out that I missed the sparkle of a brililant cut stone, and then when I went to look at stones, nothing was sparklier or more brilliant that RBs, so that''s what I have now.

It''s so funny, because I eventually ended up with getting the ring that my husband would have picked for me on his own if he had gone shopping without me! We were lucky because my jeweler has a great trade-up policy, but I guess that our situation was a case of my husband actually knowing my own taste better than myself for the engagement ring

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I really WANTED to help pick out the ring since, let''s be honest, all of us PS gals LOVE To do our gem research and window shopping

But my fiance was very traditional, and wanted it to be a surprise, and he thought it was against traditional etiquette for me to know the exact cost of my own ring, lol. BUT I did tell him that I liked round brilliants, white gold settings with 6 prongs, and nothing with tons of little diamonds that I would be constantly and obsessively cleaning. I also set him a 5k budget because I didn''t want him going overboard on this since we''re both still young.

Anyways, I knew he was doing his homework when I accidentally found his diamond notes in a notebook :/ Haha, I opened it to a page that had these funny scribbles like "1.02 F VS1 ####, .98 E VS2 #### " etc, and it took me like 2 seconds to realize what those numbers and letters meant!

And you know, I''m kind of happy he picked out everything himself because I can brag to people what a good job my wonderful fiance did! And it really was a lovely surprise to see the beautiful ring for the first time when he popped the question

 

[Bliss]

I love these stories!

FI and I went window shopping many times (because jewelry is my hobby) but I left it up to him to pick the stone. Once we graduated college, he secretly started looking for stones a couple of years later. He scanned dozens and dozens of GIA certs and stones before picking the magical one. When he gave it to me in a plain plat setting, he told me to do whatever I wanted with the setting and wedding band. So I did! It was FUN! And I always look down at the stone that FI found and scrutinized before deeming it was worthy of our love!

On the other hand, had he asked if I wanted to pick the stone - I would have said YES to that, too! LOL. We probably would have picked the same one. It was the sparkliest one.

 

[Pandora II]

My husband totally suprised me with the proposal - and I have a lovely limited edition engagement scrabble set!

He then gave me a budget and we designed my e-ring together. I did all the research and had the final choice - and he paid the bills

. It was one of the best things we''ve ever done together and I wouldn''t swap the memories for anything. (He also knew that I would have murdered him if he''d bought it without me!

)

All the women in my family have picked out their own e-ring (much more usual in the UK), so it wasn''t seen as odd at all.

I help quite a few people with e-rings - stone buying, setting design etc - and I''m always so much happier when the girl is involved too. No guess-work, you can get the ring-size right (very important with pave settings) and the couple always seem to really enjoy it.

ETA: I also ended up with an antique sapphire and diamond eternity band as a placeholder (now use it when I''m travelling or don''t feel safe wearing my e-ring) as it took us 5 months to do my ring. Plus I got 3 proposals in total as DH insisted on proposing at each stage.

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 3/10/2009 8:50:26 AM
Author: tyty333
I think most ladies prefer to give input (of course I may be biased by the PSforum

). I think if you know what stone
she wants (and what her priorities are...size vs color vs clarity - cut is always a priority whether she knows or not) then
you can probably get the stone. Let her pick out the setting (without seeing the stone) and have it all put together
without her seeing it. The big surpise is when you propose with the ring and she gets to see the conclusion to the
effort that both of you have put into the ring. That would be the best of both worlds to me. You get some surprise
and some input!

I like this approach. I let FI know I wanted a cushion brilliant center stone as well as a few other preferences (e.g. length-to-width ratio, chunkiness, priority of size vs. color vs. clarity). We also agreed on getting a setting custom made and I sent him a few inspirations. Armed with his own PS research, he then went to find a center stone, get the setting made, and put it all together. So, all in all, I was pretty involved, but I still feel like it''s "his" ring that he made for me and I couldn''t be happier with how it came out.

 

[LostSapphire]

Date: 3/10/2009 12:33:06 PM
Author: Pandora II


ETA: I also ended up with an antique sapphire and diamond eternity band as a placeholder (now use it when I'm travelling or don't feel safe wearing my e-ring) as it took us 5 months to do my ring. Plus I got 3 proposals in total as DH insisted on proposing at each stage.

OH PANDORA thanks for posting that little tidbit of information! I'll go and tell sweet DH he has to 'redo' the proposal for my 'found sapphire'!!

...any old excuse for a party.

LS

 

[Bliss]

Date: 3/10/2009 1:01:50 PM
Author: LostSapphire

Date: 3/10/2009 12:33:06 PM

Author: Pandora II



ETA: I also ended up with an antique sapphire and diamond eternity band as a placeholder (now use it when I'm travelling or don't feel safe wearing my e-ring) as it took us 5 months to do my ring. Plus I got 3 proposals in total as DH insisted on proposing at each stage.

OH PANDORA thanks for posting that little tidbit of information! I'll go and tell sweet DH he has to 'redo' the proposal for my 'found sapphire'!!

...any old excuse for a party.


LS

I agree that it is sweet! And if you want to go a step further, get him to put your ring on your finger every time you clean it. LOL. I used to ask FI to do it and he'd get down on one knee to do it. It was hilarious and sweet at the same time.

Hmmm... Pandora, now you have me thinking about substitute rings!!! Yours is beyond lovely.

 

[Black Jade]

Me and my mom were just discussing this last night.

I was saying what warm memories I have of picking out my engagement ring along with my husband, and she said how she would have hated that and what warm memories she had of my dad surprising her with HER ring.

She''s 79 and I''m 52. It might be our respective ages. But it might also be personality.

I''m guessing though, that here on Pricescope you''re going to see a huge bias towards the girl picking out her own ring, much more than IRL.

If I were you, I''d go and have her sister, or a girlfriend or her mother sound her out as to which route she''d prefer to go.

I heard the opposite about going to the store with your fiancee. I heard that that when the girl is there, the ring tends to be much LESS expensive.

What my husband did was, we went together, I picked out the style I liked, the jeweller set out several rings and told us the prices and my boyfriend (now husband) indicated which ones were out of price range. But if you''d be embarrassed doing this, then do give the jeweller the heads up in advance.

Of course you could also pick out online!

Good luck to you, may it be a happy experience for you both and may you have a wonderful marriage. You sound thoughtful, so that'' what will probably happen. (smile)

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 3/10/2009 2:04:45 PM
Author: Black Jade
Me and my mom were just discussing this last night.

I was saying what warm memories I have of picking out my engagement ring along with my husband, and she said how she would have hated that and what warm memories she had of my dad surprising her with HER ring.

She''s 79 and I''m 52. It might be our respective ages. But it might also be personality.

I''m guessing though, that here on Pricescope you''re going to see a huge bias towards the girl picking out her own ring, much more than IRL.

If I were you, I''d go and have her sister, or a girlfriend or her mother sound her out as to which route she''d prefer to go.

I heard the opposite about going to the store with your fiancee. I heard that that when the girl is there, the ring tends to be much LESS expensive.

What my husband did was, we went together, I picked out the style I liked, the jeweller set out several rings and told us the prices and my boyfriend (now husband) indicated which ones were out of price range. But if you''d be embarrassed doing this, then do give the jeweller the heads up in advance.

Of course you could also pick out online!

Good luck to you, may it be a happy experience for you both and may you have a wonderful marriage. You sound thoughtful, so that'' what will probably happen. (smile)

I think that''s what happened with us - my husband was asking the jeweler to pull out 2-3 ct RBs, and I was asking to look at 1.5 ct princesses and asschers. When I picked a 1.5 ct asscher, he asked the jeweler for a larger one that we ended up getting. I felt bad about him spending over a certain amount, but he had been saving for a long time, so his budget was actually larger than what I thought he would want to spend.

 

[shimmer]

I agree with Black Jade, if you are unsure about her preference ask a friend, sister or her mother what they think. I'm sure it would be fun for them to help out too!

ETA: I meant for them to help by finding out what she would prefer, not help in choosing her ring!

 

[DiamondFlame]

Great question!

I have just picked out an E-ring for my GF but will only present it to her during my proposal. I'm of the view that a girl should not pick out her own e-ring as that will spoil a key element of surprise when proposing. But I did not want to get her something she might not like so I have done some sleuthing and figure out her preferences. 'No RBs, No Princess, No plain bands'. She likes Asschers, Marquise and Cushions. She likes sidestones, vintage-styles, and paved settings. Cut > carat > color > clarity. She sets the max limit for the budget though she knows what I can realistically. She knows I have done a lot of research on diamonds and told me she's confident I'd pick a beautiful ring for her.

I have found the ring that 'spoke to me'-a vintage style paved halo cushion in platinum. It's the 1st time I bought something that costs this much via the internet. Now I'm nervous wondering if she would love it as much as I do... In truth, she has told me she'd love any ring from me even if it is made of plastic. It's the symbol of lifetime commitment and fidelity that is truly beautiful. But I just can't seem to find plastic rings that sparkles...

 

[musey]

We chose everything together. I found the experience incredibly romantic!

I never saw the completed ring until he proposed.. the ''real thing'' was a big surprise, very different from looking at pictures

 

[musey]

Date: 3/9/2009 9:34:09 PM
Author: karat
Easy NO!!!!!

I had an old jeweler tell me that he always had a big smile when the woman came in with the man. He knew 99 times out of a 100 the guy would end up spending more than he really wanted to.

Well there''s a huge stereotype

We settled on our budget (not his, ours) together ahead of time.

 

[motownmama]

As i said my proposal was a TOTAL surprise and I loved it that way and would never want it any other way. He got such a kick out of that incredible surprise and I LOVE my ring. We had lots of fun choosing the wb together, so we had that part to do as a couple. That having been said, I see women here saying they either did it together or wished they''d had MORE input - NO ONE is saying they wish they''d had LESS input in the ER decision. I think that kinda says it there.

 

[Feralpenchant]

Reading over all these posts, I realize I am SO GLAD I''M A WOMAN! If I was a man, trying to figure out some hints and then "making an educated guess" as to what she would like would KILL ME!

I don''t even like to buy Christmas or birthday presents without knowing EXACTLY TO A "T" what the person wants. It stresses me out when someone is like I''d like some shirts.. WHAT KIND OF SHIRTS? Why don''t you ask for a Wii, there''s only one kind of those. People always know what I''m going to get them, but at least I don''t pull all my hair out trying to figure out what someone wants.

Maybe I''m crazy. I''m sure for a lot of men it''s fun and exciting to do it that way. I would die. Just saying. Haha.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

my husband knows i''m very particular about jewelry. he let me pick and when the ring was done (i didn''t know how long it would take) he proposed

 

[AmberGretchen]

I think it totally depends on the couple.

My DH let me choose (both the first one and the replacement when the 1st one broke), and that was the right choice for us - I''m very picky and he preferred that the ring be exactly what I would love to look at every day.

For us, that was romantic and perfect, but its not right for everyone. I think you should think of what you know about your girl, and what she would likely prefer. If you can''t figure it out, see if you can find a tactful and subtle friend or family member to suss out how she feels without spoiling the potential surprise.

 

[Kaleigh]

I think choosing it together is a great idea. No less romantic in any way. Plus she''ll be thrilled. Win win!!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 3/9/2009 9:11:28 PM
Author:sdapples
For all of you wonderful married women out there:

Are you happy with the ring your husband picked out for you, or..

Do you wish he proposed with just the stone, and let you pick out the ring..

or do you wish he just gave you a budget, and let you pick everything out yourself.

I am such a noob at this that I do not want to pick her out the wrong thing. For the romantic part of it, though, I want to present her the perfect ring when I ask her to marry me! Is that naive? I would feel horrible if I picked something out, that she did not like, and she would have to wear it the rest of her life. I know she would never tell me that she doesn''t like it.

I know she wants a halo style vintage ring.. should I just wing it from there?

Thank you for your help and opinions.

don''t do it !!. women are too picky when it comes to setting. let her pick the setting,even then most women will change their mind a thousand times.

 

[sdapples]

I am amazed at how many wonderful stories you all have. I was starting to get a little overwhelmed with this process. After reading the replies, I seem to have a fresh bit of energy.

I have a few stones picked out, and I plan to pick up the phone and call exceldiamonds. I also have had some help from a few forum members, and will call whiteflash as well. Hopefully I will have the stone picked out and ordered today!

Thank you all so much.

 

[Kelli]

Date: 3/9/2009 9:28:56 PM
Author: vgirl17
What a great question! My fiance actually proposed to me with a pink sapphire ring (which I LOVE) so that we could pick out our wedding rings (and diamond solitaire) together. He wanted the proposal to be romantic and a surprise and since we live together and share finances it would have been impossible for him to take a few grand out of our account without me noticing! LOL! It was perfect for me because I got to help pick exactly what I wanted to wear for the rest of my life and still have my engagement ring to wear on my right hand PLUS he was able to plan a romantic proposal that was a COMPLETE surprise to me! Everyone is different though, that''s just me.

Maybe if you know what kind of stone your girlfriend wants you can get the stone and just have it mounted in a temporary setting until you both can choose a setting together??

This is an absolutely PERFECT idea! vgirl17, You''re a lucky lady!

 

[mausketeer]

Date: 3/10/2009 12:28:25 AM
Author: Gailey
As we stood on the wooden jetty in Lulworth Cove one moonless night many, many years ago, my adorable man proposed. I nodded, looked at him bewildered and expectant and he said, ''What? you want a ring as well? But I just bought you hiking boots!''

He finally acquiesced when I agreed to pay half (we were super broke!). I knew what I wanted and we went to the shop together.

I would have loved for him to have picked out the perfect ring for me, but realistically, the chances of him doing that - to this day even is about nil. I am always in awe of the men that come to PS for help to get it right.

Kudos to you to ask this question. Good luck!

LOL! My favorite engagement story so far on PS! Glad to hear it was "many, many years ago" too!

- Jodie -

 

[sdapples]

Alright, I took the big step. Just ordered my diamond!

 

[DentD]

This is one of those questions that goes any which way depending on the person you ask. For me it was kind of interesting because I got to experience both sides.

When DH proposed he surprised me with a simple 6 prong solitaire RB. We then chose our wedding bands (he got a two toned titanium band and I got a wrap) based on our own tastes. To be honest, even though I am a bit of a controller (I think my motto in life is "If you want something done right you have to do it yourself.") I would have been disappointed if he took all the surprise out of the proposal by having me pick out my own E-Ring. Luckily I have what I consider simple and clean aesthetic tastes, and I did tell him ahead of time, "Keep it simple, white metal." So that made it easy for him. If I was somebody who wanted a more detailed or complicated ring we might have been in trouble.

When we had to buy a new e-ring (huzzah insurance money, boo to losing original ring) I was utterly thrilled by the idea of getting to pick out exactly what I wanted. It was like, now that I have been surprised, I get to pick out my e-ring for real. which is funny because I never felt like i was unhappy with my old ring. But my new setting is definitely different but still simple and clean looking, which is what i like.

Tl;dr: I''d say surprise her, get an upgrade policy and be open to the idea that she might want something different in the future.