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Is it better to let the girl pick the ring?

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sdapples

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For all of you wonderful married women out there:

Are you happy with the ring your husband picked out for you, or..

Do you wish he proposed with just the stone, and let you pick out the ring..

or do you wish he just gave you a budget, and let you pick everything out yourself.

I am such a noob at this that I do not want to pick her out the wrong thing. For the romantic part of it, though, I want to present her the perfect ring when I ask her to marry me! Is that naive? I would feel horrible if I picked something out, that she did not like, and she would have to wear it the rest of her life. I know she would never tell me that she doesn''t like it.

I know she wants a halo style vintage ring.. should I just wing it from there?

Thank you for your help and opinions.
 

LostSapphire

Ideal_Rock
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Me, I picked the first one. Then picked the replacement (ie: to replace the first that I lost..duh).

Sweet DH felt that if I was the one wearing it every day, I should LOVE it. But he also knows I''m pretty picky about stuff and doesn''t dare buy me clothes, jewellry etc because our tastes are so different.

Some women love the romance of the surprise and the guy buying the ring himself. Some guys are amazing at getting ideas from their sweeties and coming up with the perfect ring for them without their input.

I guess it depends on you and your sweetheart.

Another thing some men do is if they can figure out what shape of stone she likes, they buy the stone and have it set into a plain, temporary setting. Then the 2 of you go shopping for the setting together! That is very romantic.

Some women LOVE the idea of shopping for the ring together. There are women here who were proposed to with ''rings'' of all sorts. I remember a bended straw from somebody here..there''s a thread on this, all the unusual things men have proposed with when they don''t want to buy the ring without her input.

Good luck. Take your time. Try and get a sense of what she likes, or, if you''re ok with it, ask her what she thinks!

Have fun!

LS
 

motownmama

Ideal_Rock
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You will get a ton of responses to this and everybody is different!!!! My husband surprised me totally with the ring, and it's one of my happiest memories!!! Plenty of girls do choose their own ring, but I personally loved the romance of the total surprise - and slipping the ring on my finger! If you think your gf is very particular (i.e. picky, but I mean it in the nicest way), then you better get plenty of input or let her choose it. Of course, you can propose with a beautiful stone in a plain/temporary setting and let her pick out what she really likes - maybe that's the best compromise, given that you're not sure what she would like. Good luck!
(btw - lostsapphire and I posted simultaneously - thus the overlapping advise)
 

vgirl17

Shiny_Rock
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What a great question! My fiance actually proposed to me with a pink sapphire ring (which I LOVE) so that we could pick out our wedding rings (and diamond solitaire) together. He wanted the proposal to be romantic and a surprise and since we live together and share finances it would have been impossible for him to take a few grand out of our account without me noticing! LOL! It was perfect for me because I got to help pick exactly what I wanted to wear for the rest of my life and still have my engagement ring to wear on my right hand PLUS he was able to plan a romantic proposal that was a COMPLETE surprise to me! :) Everyone is different though, that's just me.

Maybe if you know what kind of stone your girlfriend wants you can get the stone and just have it mounted in a temporary setting until you both can choose a setting together??
 

neatfreak

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Feb 17, 2007
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14,167
We picked it out together, which was perfect for us. I didn''t see it until he proposed though, so it was still a surprise how it would come together.

You just need to talk with your lady and see what works best for YOU.
 

wishinpink

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 5, 2008
Messages
587
Depends on the girl!!!

Personally, I think-

You pick out the diamond, she picks out the setting! =D Group effort!
 

karat

Rough_Rock
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Feb 23, 2009
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13

Easy NO!!!!!
I had an old jeweler tell me that he always had a big smile when the woman came in with the man. He knew 99 times out of a 100 the guy would end up spending more than he really wanted to.
 

anyname

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 18, 2008
Messages
309
i agree with what motownmama said, you are going to a ton of different responses. It depends on the girl what''s important to them. My husband knew it was important for me to choose the ring i was going to wear forever, on the other hand he still wanted to surprise me. So he proposed with earrings. And we went ring shopping together. It worked out great for us, but it may not be for everybody.
 

vgirl17

Shiny_Rock
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Oct 7, 2008
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380
Date: 3/9/2009 9:34:09 PM
Author: karat


Easy NO!!!!!

I had an old jeweler tell me that he always had a big smile when the woman came in with the man. He knew 99 times out of a 100 the guy would end up spending more than he really wanted to.
If you want to do it this way just make sure to tell her what the budget is :) If you''re planning to spend the rest of your life with this person I would hope she would respect that. Just my .02
 

sdapples

Rough_Rock
Joined
Mar 9, 2009
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12

Wow. Thank you all for the time spent in replying to my questions.


I think I have a good idea of the stone she would like. I also have a good idea of the setting, but settings have such slight differences, and I might screw it up. I very much like the idea of picking out the stone, putting it into a temporary setting and letting her pick out the setting.


lol.. Karat, that does make sense about the budget being blown. It is very tough to put a price tag on someone you care about so much. Strangely enough, and sometimes frustratingly, my girlfriend is the 1 in that 100. She usually tries to save me money when I give her choices. I took her to Tiffany for Valentine''s Day, and she refused to buy something as expensive as the budget I gave her.

One other question, should I have settings picked out already for her to chose from? Should a setting only be picked out in person, and not through the internet? Or should I let her take care of the whole thing?

Thank you all for your great help. Now to put the majority of my effort toward the stone!
 

Skippy123

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 24, 2006
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24,299
Date: 3/9/2009 9:31:44 PM
Author: rosebud10
Depends on the girl!!!

Personally, I think-

You pick out the diamond, she picks out the setting! =D Group effort!
Ditto, it is fun for all; pick it together.
 

Fly Girl

Ideal_Rock
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7,312
We already knew we were getting married, as probably most couples do. So we went shopping together. We still make our major purchase decisions jointly. I love my rings. It was the right way to go for us.
 

LostSapphire

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 4, 2007
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Date: 3/9/2009 9:58:27 PM
Author: sdapples


lol.. Karat, that does make sense about the budget being blown. It is very tough to put a price tag on someone you care about so much. Strangely enough, and sometimes frustratingly, my girlfriend is the 1 in that 100. She usually tries to save me money when I give her choices. I took her to Tiffany for Valentine's Day, and she refused to buy something as expensive as the budget I gave her.

If you speak to the jeweller before taking your girlfriend into the store, he will work within your budget: She doesn't actually need to 'know' the $$ you've given him if you'd prefer it that way! They do this all the time. Give him a heads up and it will be fab.

LS
 

FrekeChild

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 14, 2007
Messages
19,456
Not married, but engaged, and I wish he had let me pick out the ring, or at least paid better attention to what I wanted. This is why I'm getting a reset. It's a long story. But my BFF helped, and she helped convince him that getting me what I wanted was a bad idea. It's a longer story than that but you get the idea...
 

princessplease

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 20, 2009
Messages
5,497
I don''t have my e-ring yet, but I picked out the stone based on everything I learned on PS, and we chose the setting together. He felt that since I''m wearing it, I need to love it completely, which is why we chose this way.
However, when it comes, I will not see it until he proposes, so the final product will be a complete surprise.
 

marcy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
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Feb 27, 2007
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24,090
I was completely surprised and I loved my ring. Yes, I did upgrade and we both picked that one out but I was very content with my first ring for 16 years. But as many have said - it does depend on your girl friend. Shopping together can be fun. My niece and her boy friend went around and picked out several they both liked, picked out a shape and size for the diamond then she told him to surprise her. Have fun and good luck!
 

JulieN

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jul 25, 2005
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13,329
Picking out something together isn''t unromantic.
 

Imdanny

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 21, 2008
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6,186
Date: 3/9/2009 9:20:03 PM
Author: motownmama
You will get a ton of responses to this and everybody is different!!!!
Yeah. From what I've observed, it's traditional for the man to present the ring to the woman, and this implies he chose it.

Except, from a practical standpoint, this can be very, very bad because the ring might or might not be to her taste.

I've come to the conclusion that it really is better if both the man and woman can be involved, or in other words, yes, I think she should choose it.

I think it's best just to be upfront about your concern that your choice might not be exactly hers and you want her input.

I'm sorry if that's not romantic, but my opinion is that practicality should override tradition and romance in this case. It's a huge purchase, you would be obligating her to "like" it if you chose it, and as pricescope proves, there are many, many options and small details to sort out.
 

jstarfireb

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 24, 2007
Messages
6,232
I say yes - I''m the girl, and I picked out my own ring. More specifically, I found a setting I loved at a store, and we had it replicated by Whiteflash. We went with WF rather than keep the store ring so we could pick out the stone, which we did together.

The decision is of course very personal, and there are lots of factors that go into it. But for us, the thought process was:

1) I''m going to be the one wearing the ring every day for the rest of my life, not him.
2) We''re both more practical than romantic and didn''t mind losing the "romance" of a surprise proposal.
3) I hate surprises and am a bit of a control freak, and he knows that.

So we never even considered not doing it this way.

It worked out well in that he liked the setting I chose (for example, he hates halo settings, so I don''t know what would have happened had I chosen a halo). And it was really nice to be able to pick out the stone together. Now FI is so attached to the stone that he never wants me to upgrade! But that''s another issue for another day.
 

sonnyjane

Ideal_Rock
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Jul 13, 2008
Messages
2,476
My husband gave me my budget and let me do all the work! I loved it! That way I knew I was getting the best deal possible (research) and exactly what I wanted. It''s great to have NOTHING you''d like to change about a ring!
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,659
Hopefully you know by now if your gal likes surprises and is easily pleased of if she is picky and wants what she wants. We have seen men pick out some gorgeous rings all by themselves and we''ve seen some pretty masculine looking things, too. If either if you are into jewelry, antiques or art it could make a difference in how you view an engagement ring. Some ladies aren''t that particular and others have been dreaming of their ring since they were 5.

The hardest combination is a gal who knows exactly what she wants but expects her fiance to romantically surprise her with it!!
 

Rock_of_Love

Brilliant_Rock
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Jan 7, 2009
Messages
1,274
I definitely had to be involved in the process...my BF knew that, too. I'm the kind of person who loves to research, maybe a little bit excessively, and I have very specific tastes. Honestly, I think I would be upset if he completely chose everything...setting and diamond, without consulting me at all. Then, I would get over myself, wear it, but upgrade to what I want the first chance I got.

I think it may be possible to choose a diamond if you know exactly what shape she wants, and the shape is a round or maybe even a princess. I'm not too sure about other shapes, but I knew I wanted a cushion...and cushions would be way too difficult to just pick out if you don't know exactly, specifically what type/shape she wants. So, if she wants a round, you could easily pick out the diamond...then do a basic solitaire, inexpensive setting. This is what my brother did with a princess cut, and it worked out great for him...he had the surprise, a gorgeous diamond, and my SIL got to pick out her dream setting later.

I think like most folks have said here, it really depends on the girl...for me, I have to be involved; for my SIL, she was completely happy with my bro picking the diamond and the surprise. But, I will say my BF and I are having a lot of fun shopping together!! It works for us.

Lastly, you can feel confident you have this website and all the great contributors to help you!! Best of luck to you...and now the FUN begins!!

 

kittybean

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 2, 2008
Messages
4,125
I say it''s better to let her pick it out--and this is coming from a girl who loves the engagement ring her fiance surprised her with. I would have really preferred to be involved in the process; I was very, very concerned about what he might pick as the only input he allowed me was "emerald cut" and "white metal." (The horrible possibilities are endless!) He managed to pick something gorgeous, but I think there was a lot of luck involved as far as the stone went.

I think it''s just as "romantic" to pick it out together, if not more so
. Good luck with your ring hunt!
 

vgirl17

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 7, 2008
Messages
380
Date: 3/9/2009 9:58:27 PM
Author: sdapples

Wow. Thank you all for the time spent in replying to my questions.



I think I have a good idea of the stone she would like. I also have a good idea of the setting, but settings have such slight differences, and I might screw it up. I very much like the idea of picking out the stone, putting it into a temporary setting and letting her pick out the setting.



lol.. Karat, that does make sense about the budget being blown. It is very tough to put a price tag on someone you care about so much. Strangely enough, and sometimes frustratingly, my girlfriend is the 1 in that 100. She usually tries to save me money when I give her choices. I took her to Tiffany for Valentine''s Day, and she refused to buy something as expensive as the budget I gave her.

One other question, should I have settings picked out already for her to chose from? Should a setting only be picked out in person, and not through the internet? Or should I let her take care of the whole thing?

Thank you all for your great help. Now to put the majority of my effort toward the stone!
I think that''s a great idea! You pick the stone out and have it put in a temporary setting, then you two can collaberate on the setting of her dreams together :) I don''t know if I would have settings picked out because lets say you picked 5 settings you really like but she doesn''t like any of them? I think it sounds like she would pick one anyway even if she''s not crazy about them because she won''t want to hurt your feelings.
 

BlueSki231

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 21, 2008
Messages
855
If you know what shape stone she wants then I''d buy the stone, propose with it in a plain solitaire and then let her choose the setting.

But even if you''re not quite sure what kind of stone she wants if you go with a vendor that allows upgrades she could easily choose a different stone if she''s not totally happy with the stone you''ve chosen.

ugh, i dunno - haha. too many options.

really depends on how picky she is..
 

Feralpenchant

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
427
Date: 3/9/2009 10:56:04 PM
Author: jstarfireb
1) I''m going to be the one wearing the ring every day for the rest of my life, not him.

2) We''re both more practical than romantic and didn''t mind losing the ''romance'' of a surprise proposal.

3) I hate surprises and am a bit of a control freak, and he knows that.
Ditto on everything you said, jstarfireb! I''m not engaged, OR married, but I am involved in the ring selection process and that makes me feel better. Things that have to do with me, I''d rather not be out of the loop on. Doing a temp setting would be a good idea I think, but she may prefer to be in on the whole process and have the finished product when you propose! All depends on your girl, as everyone has said!


When my guy and I first started dating we were at a friends'' house with a few people over and engagement rings came up in the girls'' conversation. I said to them that I would definitely rather know what I''m getting ahead of time because I''m so picky. I guess he heard me say that and all this time later, he remembered!

You''re a doll for taking her to Tiffany''s for V-Day. She''s a lucky girl!
 

kcoursolle

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 21, 2006
Messages
10,589
I picked out mine, but we are not an average couple in that I know a ton about diamonds and he knew nothing. I think it''s important no matter what you decide to get some feedback from her about what she would like until you feel confident that she would like it. For some couples this might mean that you can do all the work and with other women it might mean that she would have to pick everything.
 

Gailey

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Joined
May 14, 2008
Messages
3,778
As we stood on the wooden jetty in Lulworth Cove one moonless night many, many years ago, my adorable man proposed. I nodded, looked at him bewildered and expectant and he said, "What? you want a ring as well? But I just bought you hiking boots!"

He finally acquiesced when I agreed to pay half (we were super broke!). I knew what I wanted and we went to the shop together.

I would have loved for him to have picked out the perfect ring for me, but realistically, the chances of him doing that - to this day even is about nil. I am always in awe of the men that come to PS for help to get it right.

Kudos to you to ask this question. Good luck!
 

Diamond*Dana

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
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7,223
My husband picked my diamond himself and had it set in a plain solitaire setting....that is all I wanted and I was happy that he picked it out. I told him that I liked pear cut diamonds the best and he liked them as well, so that is what he got me. This was over 13 years ago and I am still wearing (and loving) the same ring!

I think that it might be best to talk about it with her and get a feel for what she likes.
 
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