Is 23 too young to get married?

[henearly89]

I''m 28. My girlfriend of 6 years (we''ve known each other for 9) is 23. We have a strong and healthy relationship and are certain that we are right for each other. Some of her friends have gotten it into her head that 23 is "hick." I want to know what you think. Do you feel that 23 is too young in the same way that many of us would find 18-21 to be too young?

Do you raise an eyebrow when you hear that a 23 year old female got married?

 

[elrohwen]

If someone is mature and grounded, I don''t think 23 is too young. Yes, it''s young, and I think it takes a mature person to pull it off, but that doesn''t mean nobody is ready for it. People used to get married at 23 all the time - clearly more than a few of them did just fine.

I got married at 25 which used to seem old (when I was a kid) but now seems pretty young.

 

[Chase035]

please revote and use this thread. The other one got moved from a different forum and the poll was erased.

 

[Steel]

I was going to vote no.

But I voted the last option because it is more appropriate and it really does depend on the person.

I got married young and it was the best decision for me.

 

[LilyKat]

It all depends. Sorry. So I''m not voting in the poll.

In some areas and social circles, 23 is ridiculously young. In others, it''s average. What matters more is how ready both of you are. Are you financially independent? Have you both got steady jobs and careers plans? You''ve been together a long time - that''s great, but has it been a consistent and steady relationship rather than on-off? Have you fully discussed and agreed on all the important things in a marriage (children, when and how many, religion, where you will live, how you will budget, etc). Do you get on with each others'' families?

If all these things are in order, and you are both firmly committed to spending the rest of your lives together, then no, I don''t think 23 is "too young" in itself (my personal cut-off for "too young under any circumstances in this day and age" happens to be under 20, though that''s just me). My eyebrow might raise a tiny bit, but not very much. But really, what matters is how SHE feels - not us, not you, and not her friends.

 

[jewelz617]

I got married when I was 23, engaged when I was 22. I knew my husband was the right guy for me and didn''t see any point in waiting. It''s been 3 years and a baby later and we''re still happy together. No regrets.

 

[Chase035]

How "she" feels is that she is ready for every reason mentioned above, but for her age. Our friends are all on the med school, jd. path and so she feels young if only because they do not seem to be at this same stage. That she may be too immature because she is letting that affect her perception of when she is ready is something I may have to consider.

 

[Chase035]

Date: 2/5/2010 1:28:10 PM
Author: LilyKat
It all depends. Sorry. So I''m not voting in the poll.

In some areas and social circles, 23 is ridiculously young. In others, it''s average. What matters more is how ready both of you are. Are you financially independent? Have you both got steady jobs and careers plans? You''ve been together a long time - that''s great, but has it been a consistent and steady relationship rather than on-off? Have you fully discussed and agreed on all the important things in a marriage (children, when and how many, religion, where you will live, how you will budget, etc). Do you get on with each others'' families?

If all these things are in order, and you are both firmly committed to spending the rest of your lives together, then no, I don''t think 23 is ''too young'' in itself (my personal cut-off for ''too young under any circumstances in this day and age'' happens to be under 20, though that''s just me). My eyebrow might raise a tiny bit, but not very much. But really, what matters is how SHE feels - not us, not you, and not her friends.

What about everyone else? What''s your cutoff for when you raise an eyebrow?

 

[purselover]

Date: 2/5/2010 1:34:06 PM
Author: Chase035
How ''she'' feels is that she is ready for every reason mentioned above, but for her age. Our friends are all on the med school, jd. path and so she feels young if only because they do not seem to be at this same stage. That she may be too immature because she is letting that affect her perception of when she is ready is something I may have to consider.

I''ve been trying to figure how to word what I wanted to say but now I''m just going to agree with what Lilykat had to say and I also think you just nailed it with this post. Someone always has to be the first in the group to get married who cares if it''s her? We were the first in our group at 24 and it didn''t bother us in the slightest.

 

[purselover]

Date: 2/5/2010 1:43:58 PM
Author: Chase035

Date: 2/5/2010 1:28:10 PM
Author: LilyKat
It all depends. Sorry. So I'm not voting in the poll.

In some areas and social circles, 23 is ridiculously young. In others, it's average. What matters more is how ready both of you are. Are you financially independent? Have you both got steady jobs and careers plans? You've been together a long time - that's great, but has it been a consistent and steady relationship rather than on-off? Have you fully discussed and agreed on all the important things in a marriage (children, when and how many, religion, where you will live, how you will budget, etc). Do you get on with each others' families?

If all these things are in order, and you are both firmly committed to spending the rest of your lives together, then no, I don't think 23 is 'too young' in itself (my personal cut-off for 'too young under any circumstances in this day and age' happens to be under 20, though that's just me). My eyebrow might raise a tiny bit, but not very much. But really, what matters is how SHE feels - not us, not you, and not her friends.

What about everyone else? What's your cutoff for when you raise an eyebrow?

This reminds me after DH (then bf) and I both turned 24 I turned to him and said that's it "we're officially getting old because it would no longer be weird for us to get married" he started laughing but then paused and said "wow you're right." 3 months later we decided to get married.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 2/5/2010 1:34:06 PM
Author: Chase035
How ''she'' feels is that she is ready for every reason mentioned above, but for her age. Our friends are all on the med school, jd. path and so she feels young if only because they do not seem to be at this same stage. That she may be too immature because she is letting that affect her perception of when she is ready is something I may have to consider.

Good point. When someone is truly ready to be married (male or female), they don''t let what their friends think influence them.

You mentioned you are medical students - I''m a doctor and there were a few girls who married at 23-ish in medical school, but that was quite rare (the UK average tends to be older). However, I have medical student friends in both the midwest and New York - my midwest friends all married in their early-mid 20s, even before entering med school (and had kids at med school!), whereas my New York friends wouldn''t have dreamed of it, and are still single in their late 20s. So I think the "perception" of 23 will depend very much on where you live.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 2/5/2010 1:47:26 PM
Author: purselover

Date: 2/5/2010 1:34:06 PM
Author: Chase035
How 'she' feels is that she is ready for every reason mentioned above, but for her age. Our friends are all on the med school, jd. path and so she feels young if only because they do not seem to be at this same stage. That she may be too immature because she is letting that affect her perception of when she is ready is something I may have to consider.

I've been trying to figure how to word what I wanted to say but now I'm just going to agree with what Lilykat had to say and I also think you just nailed it with this post. Someone always has to be the first in the group to get married who cares if it's her? We were the first in our group at 24 and it didn't bother us in the slightest.

I agree with this. We were one of the first in our group to get married (both 25) and in a way that made me feel young, but we didn't let it get to us or change our decision. It's ok to occasionally say "Wow, I feel so young still! I can't believe I'm getting married!" It's something else to be constantly questioning if you're too young and letting other people sway your decision.

 

[Chase035]

My friends are all teachers. My friends are also 28 and most are engaged or married. Her friends went the med school path. Most are single. We''re live in NY and both went to Ivy league colleges, so that''s a big part of this. Our social circle doesn''t tend to get married til 30+. I just find it ridiculous to wait 12+ years with the person you know you want to be with just because society says thats normal.

 

[Chase035]

For those of you who said:

Yes, there''''s a reason why the average age for women is 25+. 23 is just too young.


Why is 23 too young for a couple who has known each other for 9 years and been dating for 6? I''m curious about the prevailing sentiment behind this perspective.

 

[monarch64]

I voted that age shouldn''t be a factor. It isn''t about age, it''s where you are in life, how truly compatible and well-suited to each other you are, and wheter each of you is REALLY ready for marriage. So you have known her since she was 14 and you were 19, if my math is correct. Bigger age difference there, imo, then when you are 23 and 28.

My employers are a husband-and-wife team who have been together since they were both 14. This is their 50th year of knowing each other, and I believe 40-something''th (not a word) year of marriage. They''re currently all giddy about going to Sandals in Jamaica next week for Valentine''s Day. (Gag) It''s kind of disgusting. LOL

 

[rierie26]

It depends on the person. Some people are ready at 23, some people are not.

 

[henearly89]

Date: 2/5/2010 2:05:13 PM
Author: monarch64
I voted that age shouldn''t be a factor. It isn''t about age, it''s where you are in life, how truly compatible and well-suited to each other you are, and wheter each of you is REALLY ready for marriage. So you have known her since she was 14 and you were 19, if my math is correct. Bigger age difference there, imo, then when you are 23 and 28.

My employers are a husband-and-wife team who have been together since they were both 14. This is their 50th year of knowing each other, and I believe 40-something''th (not a word) year of marriage. They''re currently all giddy about going to Sandals in Jamaica next week for Valentine''s Day. (Gag) It''s kind of disgusting. LOL

15 and 19 yes. She told me she was 16 because she had a crush on me. We were friends and didn''t start "dating" til she turned 18 or so.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 2/5/2010 2:12:40 PM
Author: henearly89

Date: 2/5/2010 2:05:13 PM
Author: monarch64
I voted that age shouldn''t be a factor. It isn''t about age, it''s where you are in life, how truly compatible and well-suited to each other you are, and wheter each of you is REALLY ready for marriage. So you have known her since she was 14 and you were 19, if my math is correct. Bigger age difference there, imo, then when you are 23 and 28.

My employers are a husband-and-wife team who have been together since they were both 14. This is their 50th year of knowing each other, and I believe 40-something''th (not a word) year of marriage. They''re currently all giddy about going to Sandals in Jamaica next week for Valentine''s Day. (Gag) It''s kind of disgusting. LOL

15 and 19 yes. She told me she was 16 because she had a crush on me. We were friends and didn''t start ''dating'' til she turned 18 or so.

So, why do YOU think her friends think she''s too young? Are most of them single? Has she finished school? Do they think she needs some time on her own before committing herself to you for life? Are they already married and regretting that they got married too young? And...is it really that her friends have "gotten it into her head" or is it that she is having second thoughts about whether she is ready?

 

[joflier]

I''ve never believed that people can be judged by their age. I''ve met 20 year olds that act like 40, and 40 year olds that act like 20......
It also really depends where your at in life. When I was 23, I was already done w/ school and settled into my career, owned my own home, etc. Other people @ 23, may still be in party mode.

 

[icekid]

Date: 2/5/2010 2:00:16 PM
Author: Chase035
My friends are all teachers. My friends are also 28 and most are engaged or married. Her friends went the med school path. Most are single. We''re live in NY and both went to Ivy league colleges, so that''s a big part of this. Our social circle doesn''t tend to get married til 30+. I just find it ridiculous to wait 12+ years with the person you know you want to be with just because society says thats normal.

We run in similar circles (I am a physician, as well) and I can tell you that at 24 (and a half

) I was easily the youngest of my friends to get engaged! But no one gave me a hard time about it. If you are both ready, then why not? It may not be the "norm" if your social group, but that should not matter really.

 

[henearly89]

Date: 2/5/2010 2:16:32 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 2/5/2010 2:12:40 PM
Author: henearly89

Date: 2/5/2010 2:05:13 PM
Author: monarch64
I voted that age shouldn''t be a factor. It isn''t about age, it''s where you are in life, how truly compatible and well-suited to each other you are, and wheter each of you is REALLY ready for marriage. So you have known her since she was 14 and you were 19, if my math is correct. Bigger age difference there, imo, then when you are 23 and 28.

My employers are a husband-and-wife team who have been together since they were both 14. This is their 50th year of knowing each other, and I believe 40-something''th (not a word) year of marriage. They''re currently all giddy about going to Sandals in Jamaica next week for Valentine''s Day. (Gag) It''s kind of disgusting. LOL

15 and 19 yes. She told me she was 16 because she had a crush on me. We were friends and didn''t start ''dating'' til she turned 18 or so.

So, why do YOU think her friends think she''s too young? Are most of them single? Has she finished school? Do they think she needs some time on her own before committing herself to you for life? Are they already married and regretting that they got married too young? And...is it really that her friends have ''gotten it into her head'' or is it that she is having second thoughts about whether she is ready?

Most of them are single and too busy with school. I don''t know if there is any jealousy at play. She has finished school for now but will likely go back several years down the line for an M.B.A. At various times we considered time apart to make sure she was ready (given how young she was when we started dating). It never got to that because she says she can''t see her life without me and that she knows I''m the one.

It''s part her but not because SHE feels that way internally. She says that she just feels like 23 is akin to being 18-21 from a "how people will judge her standpoint." I''m trying to reassure her the most of society would not find 23 to be too young and that if she feels read otherwise, that shouldn''t be a factor.

 

[geckodani]

I was 23 when I got married. Coming up on four years and we''re doing great.

 

[henearly89]

This is trying on me because I''ve been very patient at all phases of our relationship. I''ve waited, rather than pressure her, in all previous decisions because I know she was vulnerable to being rushed through life. She appreciates that. At this point, I just don''t feel that we have to wait until society says its normal. I find that proposterous. I think she just needs some assurance that 23 isn''t scandalously young.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 2/5/2010 2:26:27 PM
Author: henearly89

Date: 2/5/2010 2:16:32 PM
Author: monarch64

Date: 2/5/2010 2:12:40 PM
Author: henearly89

Date: 2/5/2010 2:05:13 PM
Author: monarch64
I voted that age shouldn''t be a factor. It isn''t about age, it''s where you are in life, how truly compatible and well-suited to each other you are, and wheter each of you is REALLY ready for marriage. So you have known her since she was 14 and you were 19, if my math is correct. Bigger age difference there, imo, then when you are 23 and 28.

My employers are a husband-and-wife team who have been together since they were both 14. This is their 50th year of knowing each other, and I believe 40-something''th (not a word) year of marriage. They''re currently all giddy about going to Sandals in Jamaica next week for Valentine''s Day. (Gag) It''s kind of disgusting. LOL

15 and 19 yes. She told me she was 16 because she had a crush on me. We were friends and didn''t start ''dating'' til she turned 18 or so.

So, why do YOU think her friends think she''s too young? Are most of them single? Has she finished school? Do they think she needs some time on her own before committing herself to you for life? Are they already married and regretting that they got married too young? And...is it really that her friends have ''gotten it into her head'' or is it that she is having second thoughts about whether she is ready?

Most of them are single and too busy with school. I don''t know if there is any jealousy at play. She has finished school for now but will likely go back several years down the line for an M.B.A. At various times we considered time apart to make sure she was ready (given how young she was when we started dating). It never got to that because she says she can''t see her life without me and that she knows I''m the one.

It''s part her but not because SHE feels that way internally. She says that she just feels like 23 is akin to being 18-21 from a ''how people will judge her standpoint.'' I''m trying to reassure her the most of society would not find 23 to be too young and that if she feels read otherwise, that shouldn''t be a factor.

What I hear when I read "how people will judge her standpoint" is that she is more concerned about how she is perceived by others than her own feelings. So, in my opinion (OPINION), she is on the young side. We tend to care less about being judged the older and more experienced we become. Am I saying I don''t think she''s ready to get married? Absolutely not. I''m just sensing that if she thinks she''s not ready herself and at the same time she''s worried about what others will think, then maybe you want to wait a couple more years? Are you in a big hurry to get married?

 

[Laila619]

23 is a bit young, yes, but if she is mature and has dated around to know what she wants and doesn''t want in a spouse, then it''s fine.

 

[henearly89]

Haha, I agree with this Monarch. I''ve been waiting for her to get over this, "how people think" thing for a while. I wonder if our age difference over the years had an affect on this. I am convinced she isn''t ready right now. I am going to wait.

In the meantime, I think she needs some assurance that 23 wouldn''t have been scandalously young. In the same way that a girl won''t wait forever for a guy to propose, I''m starting to feel like I''m ready and don''t want to wait forever.

 

[henearly89]

Keep in mind, this 23 year old graduated from a top tier college and has her head on straight otherwise. But for the issue of relying on the opinion of others to guide certain decisions, she has the emotional maturity of a 35 year old. We made it through her time at college apart (in different countries, no less) because our relationship was so strong.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Well, I was engaged at 22 and my husband and I got married *four* years later (making it eight years since we had met - if my math is right. He was 18 and I was 17). Really, looking back, I was too young and that''s probably why we ended waiting for those years.

Now that I think about it, the only people I know who got married early on, did so VERY early (around 20) and are now divorced. The rest waited until 25+ and are still together. The latter waited until after finishing school and establishing careers.

 

[MonkeyPants]

I was engaged at 23 to be married at 24. I am very ready to be married and everyone who knows me (relatives and friends) thinks this age suits me well. My older sister who is 27 this year can''t even imagine being married for a good 5 years and that suits her personality. Everyone has their own timeline.

 

[MissMina]

My parents married at 20 and were together till my dad''s passing 64 years later.
He was from a poor Catholic immigrant background. She was from a comfotably well off Protestant family who met the Mayflower when it docked.
They often joked "And they said it would never last".
But they loved each other and it did.