Is 23 too young to get married?

[anitabee]

i think that 23 is WAY TOO YOUNG to get married. good golly. i''m now 39. i got married @ 31. the person i was when i was 23 was completely different. i''m so happy that person (me @ 23) didn''t get engaged. it took me my whole 20s, through trial & error, to grow up - even though i was leading a respectable, academic life. i had the time of my life in my 20s! i wish that on everyone! hopefully, you only get married once. that''s a LONG time to be spending with that one person. why the rush?

good luck!

 

[lilyfoot]

I don''t think 23 is too young to get married. I don''t think any (legal) age can be "too young". Who am I to judge a complete stranger by his or her age?

Personally, I am 21, and have been self-sufficient (working, paying rent and all my other bills), since I was 16.

However, I have friends who are 25+ who still live at home, and have no bills, or only have one bill to pay (i.e., cell phone).

Everybody''s situation is different. I can''t speculate on whether or not your GF is too young, hene. All I can tell you is to listen to what she wants, and respect her comfort level (which I know you do!).

Good luck!

 

[Arkteia]

Sometimes you meet a person and realize...well, that is it. And it can happen at any age, 18, 23 or 55. I do not think anyone''s friends can venture their opinion - because the next logical question is, what is the right age then? Is there any formula? Also, since biologically we are better equipped to have kids in our 20-es or early 30-es rather that early 40-es, this factor also should be keyed in.

 

[risingsun]

Henearly~have you spoken with your gf and determined whether or not she is truly ready for marriage at this time? She really needs to be at that place in her life before moving forward with your plans.

 

[luckynumber]

i was lucky that i met my other half in my 30s.

if i had met him before, i may have married him earlier and spent the rest of my life wondering "what if...?"

my 20s were for fun, for dating, messing about and having a great time. No responsibilities and no one to answer to.

i''m so glad i had that, and so glad that i have now reached the next stage of my life: the committment phase

going through adverse life events wouldn''t have made me any more ready for marriage in my early 20s, it''s not as if they make you grow up faster. they can make you grow up differently though, eiither in a positive or negative way.

no one at 23 is the same person at 33 (unless they are dead boring!) so i don''t think anyone really knows whether you will want the same person at 33.

you only know 100% in hindsight

it''s a gamble, but that''s life!

 

[enbcfsobe]

style="WIDTH: 92.66%; HEIGHT: 168px">In the meantime, I think she needs some assurance that 23 wouldn't have been scandalously young. In the same way that a girl won't wait forever for a guy to propose, I'm starting to feel like I'm ready and don't want to wait forever.

umm...maybe i'm just a little cynical, but this makes it sound like maybe the gal is not the only one who's acting a little less than mature. this sounds like a subtle, subconscious ultimatum -- catch up to my level of maturity or i'll find someone who will. that's fine and understandable, but it sounds like there are a lot of issues that aren't being dealt with. i generally agree that it is the point you are at in your life (eta -- as opposed to chronological age) that makes the most difference in whether you are ready to move on to the next stage, and it sounds like that really isn't the case here as much as the parties involved might like to think so. that doesn't mean it can't work, it just means i'd be concerned if it were my sister.

 

[Pushin40]

I know everyone is different.
I know there are different levels of maturity in twentysomethings.
I was on my own and engaged at 18. I thoguth I was old enough.
Nope.

IMO 23 is too young. If I were in charge I would make it a law that all girls need to wait until 30 to get married. This is what we already say to my Future Step daughter who is 14....and she pretty much agrees. We are teaching her well.

You grow up a lot in your twenties. A LOT. There is so much of life to experience.

Life is not a race.

 

[purrfectpear]

I suspect the GF has some very good reasons for not wanting to marry you yet.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

I can''t say if this particular 23 year old is too young, but the mathematician in me has to comment on this thread.

If the average age for a bride is 25, there are a lot of young women marrying before that. Or, in other words, if everyone younger than the average age waited to get married, then the average would rise pretty fast.

Let''s supose that I get married at 35. Then, in order to keep the 25 year average, another woman would have to get married at 15 (since the average age between 35 and 15 is 25). That is way too young! In order to balance out my very late (theoretical) marriage, there needs to be two 20 year old brides or five 23 year old brides or ten 24 year old brides. So we can suppose there are quite a lot of women getting married early.

 

[Amethyste]

Date: 2/6/2010 9:48:38 AM
Author: henearly89
Just looking for opinions on that age where marriage is no longer scandalous.

Well, you''ve got plenty of opinions already...

Seems like its a general opinion: It''s a personnal matter.
we will never be able to answer that one for you as it is very much so.... personnal. Only you and your fiancee will be able to determine that. Not mom, dad... nor even God or whoever is upstairs.

 

[risingsun]

Date: 2/8/2010 3:13:57 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I suspect the GF has some very good reasons for not wanting to marry you yet.

Henearly is on RT looking at diamonds. I wonder if his gf had a rapid change of mind/heart about the age concern or he is just moving forward regardless.

 

[katamari]

Date: 2/7/2010 10:42:53 PM
Author: henearly89

Date: 2/7/2010 3:40:07 PM

Author: katamari

Date: 2/5/2010 7:59:39 PM

Author: henearly89

ate: 2/5/2010 6:49:16 PM


Author: katamari





As a rule, I would say that 23 is too young for a professional woman to marry. If she is working at a Fortune 500 in NYC there is a very good chance that her superiors are watching her assuming that she will become more interested in pursuing a family than her profession because she is a woman. It is the nature of the patriarchal beast. Unfortunately, getting married at 23 may well send them the message that she is.

3.) I think this is sad. We''ve let careers come before family. As a school teacher, I can say that our kids are the ones who are suffering.

A+ for irony!


Maybe this is why she is hesitant.

Care the explain? I realize you''re saying careers SHOULD come before family. I''m saying that I see the direct effect of that decision in the lives of 150 or so kids every year. I live in the suburbs outside of NYC. Many of my kids have parents that work 50+ hours a week each to pay a mortgage that they still can''t really afford (foreclosures are through the roof here). I can tell by the fourth or fifth week of school who those kids are. I have made the personal choice to work in a job that allows me to be home so SHE has the freedom to pursue any career she chooses. Unlike some people who feel this way, I don''t automatically assume it should be the woman making this sacrifice. I think you''ve been a bit presumptuous.

Fair enough. But, from my perspective and based on the context, here''s what I saw. I make a statement about women''s experiences of sexism. You respond to it with a highly traditional view on the family. Traditional views on family are very strongly correlated with unequal gender ideologies. I fit the line, but you provided the dots. My apologies.

 

[Callisto]

Date: 2/5/2010 1:43:58 PM
Author: Chase035

Date: 2/5/2010 1:28:10 PM

Author: LilyKat

It all depends. Sorry. So I''m not voting in the poll.


In some areas and social circles, 23 is ridiculously young. In others, it''s average. What matters more is how ready both of you are. Are you financially independent? Have you both got steady jobs and careers plans? You''ve been together a long time - that''s great, but has it been a consistent and steady relationship rather than on-off? Have you fully discussed and agreed on all the important things in a marriage (children, when and how many, religion, where you will live, how you will budget, etc). Do you get on with each others'' families?


If all these things are in order, and you are both firmly committed to spending the rest of your lives together, then no, I don''t think 23 is ''too young'' in itself (my personal cut-off for ''too young under any circumstances in this day and age'' happens to be under 20, though that''s just me). My eyebrow might raise a tiny bit, but not very much. But really, what matters is how SHE feels - not us, not you, and not her friends.

What about everyone else? What''s your cutoff for when you raise an eyebrow?

For me the cutoff where I raise an eyebrow is usually 21. If you can''t even legally have the champagne toast at your wedding... IMO you''re too young. That being said, anyone from 21-24 I usually don''t think its young assuming you''ve been together long enough to make a mature decision.

SO and I have been together almost 4 years and will probably get married late next year when I''ll be 23 (almost 24) I am DEFINITELY not hick (as I grew up near Chicago) and I will also not be the first of my friends to be married. I''ve known I wanted to marry him for 3 years now but we wanted to wait until we finished our undergrad degrees so 23 it is...

 

[atroop711]

I think it depends on the person.

For me 23 was too young...I waited until 28..Now 41yr old, I''m glad I waited because 23 is still very young and my outlook on life was very different 5 yrs later (from 23 to 2.

Would I want my daughters and son to marry at 23? Honestly...no..I would want them to experience life a bit after school before taking that next step...if they are determined...I can''t stop them