Insulting someone''s e-ring; someone insulting yours?

[SapphireLover]

I''m in the UK where people go for much smaller rings. A colleague of mine got engaged and went to try on rings. She went to Tiffany''s and tried on several there. She was recounting the story of trying them on and told me "I tried on one that was a whole carat, but it just looked so vulgar and flashy, I''d never have a ring that big.". Uh, great, thanks, so secretly you think my ring is vulgar and flashy?!

 

[DiaDiva]

Date: 1/10/2010 9:58:30 AM
Author: Tuckins1

Date: 1/9/2010 10:29:20 PM

Author: goldfish

This is a little bit of a sore subject for me.





My engagement ring is a sapphire. My husband picked it out with no input from me other than I loved sapphires because of Princess Diana''s ring. NONE of our friends or family appreciated it, because it doesn''t look like an engagement ring to them. My mother looked at my ring for a second, and then said, ''Oh, well, at least it has diamonds on it.'' (Let me just say that she is a wonderful woman, who loves me and would give me everything she has.) The only kind words I got about it were here. There was so much negative reaction to it that I simply put it away. I haven''t even taken it out of the box to look at it in a couple of years. All I wear is a plain platinum wedding band.




On the other hand, I think that this experience has made me understand and appreciate how easy and wonderful a thing it is to compliment someone, not just on a ring but on anything. I hope that I have never said anything to hurt anyone''s feeling about their ring, because that would bother me more than anything mean anyone said to me about mine.

Goldfish, your ring is AWESOME!!

The stone is gorgeous, and the setting is lovely! You should whip that baby out and wear it proudly!

I agree! Goldfish, your ring is stunning and the people who "insulted" it don''t know better. Wear it with pride, it''s beautiful!

 

[Porridge]

Date: 1/9/2010 10:29:20 PM
Author: goldfish.
I haven''t even taken it out of the box to look at it in a couple of years. All I wear is a plain platinum wedding band.

I''m sorry. I think I misunderstood. That beauty is in a box? In the dark?? Where nobody can see it???

TAKE IT OUT BEFORE I''M FORCED TO HUNT IT DOWN AND RESCUE IT!!

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 12/3/2009 5:14:01 PM
Author: Liane
I'm afraid that at some point in the past I might have accidentally said something less than flattering while trying to compliment someone's ring, but I can't remember anything in particular so I think this is just paranoia from reading too many of these threads. Or not. I'll never know.

PS has certainly made me a lot more conscious of what I say about people's jewelry, though. Now I'm genuinely happy whenever I see my friends' rings -- not just for the fact of their engagements, but because the rings themselves just give me a happy glow for being so beautiful. (I don't know what I'll do if a friend gets a maul ring. Happily their fiances have done a lot better than that so far!)


The worst I've ever gotten was a couple of hipsters passive-aggressively having a loud discussion between themselves about how diamonds are so unethical, etc. after they caught mine sparkling across the aisle in a grocery store (as we all know, grocery store lighting can do amazing things to diamonds). I bit my tongue pretty hard to keep from saying 'don't worry, you need to be able to afford the horrible moral dilemma first.' Flashed the smug smile o' death instead, which sufficed to shut them up.

I found this comment a little... I don't know, elitist? Dismissive? I absolutely agree that making crude remarks about someone's diamond is tacky and uncalled for. But to basically say that if you can't afford a huge diamond means you have no business being concerned about the often unethical origin of diamonds is a little sad. Making a remark such as "You need to be able to afford it first before you worry about the moral dilemma" would show very poor character. It's for the best you didn't let that comment fly

"(I don't know what I'll do if a friend gets a maul ring. Happily their fiances have done a lot better than that so far!)" That IS insulting people who got their ring from a chain or mall store. Not everyone has tens (or hundreds) of thousands of dollars to spend on the custom ring of their dreams.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Goldfish, get out your ring and wear it!!!! I have a sapphire ring too, and I LOVE it! WHo cares if people say "wouldn''t you rather just have had a diamond" "what stone is that" or my favorite "huh?"

Wear your gorgeous ring if you love it!

 

[Burberrygirl]

Date: 1/10/2010 10:41:40 AM
Author: Porridge

Date: 1/9/2010 10:29:20 PM
Author: goldfish.
I haven''t even taken it out of the box to look at it in a couple of years. All I wear is a plain platinum wedding band.

I''m sorry. I think I misunderstood. That beauty is in a box? In the dark?? Where nobody can see it???

TAKE IT OUT BEFORE I''M FORCED TO HUNT IT DOWN AND RESCUE IT!!

I agree!! I looked up the thread about your e-ring and it''s STUNNING!!! Don''t worry what other people think, enjoy your gorgeous ring

I''ve never insulted someone''s e-ring -- two of my cousins are recently engaged and their rings are beautiful and very different. One is a 2ct solitaire and the other is a 1/2ct diamond in a very ornate setting. I honestly love both of them. I can appreciate almost any e-ring (so giving compliments are super easy

), especially if that person really loves it!

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/10/2010 12:24:11 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 12/3/2009 5:14:01 PM

Author: Liane

I''m afraid that at some point in the past I might have accidentally said something less than flattering while trying to compliment someone''s ring, but I can''t remember anything in particular so I think this is just paranoia from reading too many of these threads. Or not. I''ll never know.

PS has certainly made me a lot more conscious of what I say about people''s jewelry, though. Now I''m genuinely happy whenever I see my friends'' rings -- not just for the fact of their engagements, but because the rings themselves just give me a happy glow for being so beautiful. (I don''t know what I''ll do if a friend gets a maul ring. Happily their fiances have done a lot better than that so far!)



The worst I''ve ever gotten was a couple of hipsters passive-aggressively having a loud discussion between themselves about how diamonds are so unethical, etc. after they caught mine sparkling across the aisle in a grocery store (as we all know, grocery store lighting can do amazing things to diamonds). I bit my tongue pretty hard to keep from saying ''don''t worry, you need to be able to afford the horrible moral dilemma first.'' Flashed the smug smile o'' death instead, which sufficed to shut them up.

I found this comment a little... I don''t know, elitist? Dismissive? I absolutely agree that making crude remarks about someone''s diamond is tacky and uncalled for. But to basically say that if you can''t afford a huge diamond means you have no business being concerned about the often unethical origin of diamonds is a little sad. Making a remark such as ''You need to be able to afford it first before you worry about the moral dilemma'' would show very poor character. It''s for the best you didn''t let that comment fly


''(I don''t know what I''ll do if a friend gets a maul ring. Happily their fiances have done a lot better than that so far!)'' That IS insulting people who got their ring from a chain or mall store. Not everyone has tens (or hundreds) of thousands of dollars to spend on the custom ring of their dreams.

You''ll find most people on this site are very biased against the maul because we have done our research and know that even without having tens of thousands of dollars, you can get a beautiful ring. For the same budget that many people take to the maul, we can get somebody an amazing diamond. Heck, I bought a gorgeous stone for $220, and will probably spend less than $500 for the total ring. At .18 ct, it faces up the same as my coworker''s .3 ct ring, and sparkles way more. When we talk about maul stores here, we''re not judging people''s budgets - it''s the poor quality of the stone that gets us. I have a feeling my BFF''s ring will be from the maul, and my SO knows it''s killing me. I recognize, though, that my values and preferences have no place in their engagement, and so I keep my mouth shut (no matter how badly I want my BFF to have the most amazing ring she''s ever seen). There''s a part of me that''s very sad that she won''t be getting the best, because I know it can be had at any price point. Like any group of enthusiasts, we are a little snobby about our diamonds (as car enthusiasts are about their cars, as my boyfriend is about his bike, as motorcycle enthusiasts are about their bikes, etc.). But we also know to only share those thoughts here, because we understand each other here. I''m sorry if you don''t like the attitude here regarding maul stones, but it isn''t going to change.

 

[jewelz617]

Princess, I think you''re missing the point. OP said she wouldn''t know what to say if one of her friends got a ring from a "maul" store.

What should you say? How about "Congratulations, it''s lovely."

I never said anything about not liking people''s attitudes regarding chain stores. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. There is a difference between wanting to encourage someone to get the best for their money and judge them after they have been presented with a ring. Thank you for the tutorial but I am a longtime lurker and am aware of the general consensus of maul stores in this forum.

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/10/2010 1:47:58 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678
Princess, I think you''re missing the point. OP said she wouldn''t know what to say if one of her friends got a ring from a ''maul'' store.


What should you say? How about ''Congratulations, it''s lovely.''


I never said anything about not liking people''s attitudes regarding chain stores. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. There is a difference between wanting to encourage someone to get the best for their money and judge them after they have been presented with a ring. Thank you for the tutorial but I am a longtime lurker and am aware of the general consensus of maul stores in this forum.

Yeah, we all know we''d say that. Heck, I know I''ll say that. But I think the PP''s point was that she''d have to work at saying it. Being honest, so would I. But your post came across as much more judgmental of the values of many people on this forum and not just that particular poster. These are things that are said strictly between us here - as evidenced in this thread, we''re all sensitive about our jewelry and so none of us would ever say anything to somebody to make them feel anything but wonderful about theirs.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 1/10/2010 1:50:52 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 1/10/2010 1:47:58 PM

Author: PinkAsscher678

Princess, I think you''re missing the point. OP said she wouldn''t know what to say if one of her friends got a ring from a ''maul'' store.



What should you say? How about ''Congratulations, it''s lovely.''



I never said anything about not liking people''s attitudes regarding chain stores. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. There is a difference between wanting to encourage someone to get the best for their money and judge them after they have been presented with a ring. Thank you for the tutorial but I am a longtime lurker and am aware of the general consensus of maul stores in this forum.

Yeah, we all know we''d say that. Heck, I know I''ll say that. But I think the PP''s point was that she''d have to work at saying it. Being honest, so would I. But your post came across as much more judgmental of the values of many people on this forum and not just that particular poster. These are things that are said strictly between us here - as evidenced in this thread, we''re all sensitive about our jewelry and so none of us would ever say anything to somebody to make them feel anything but wonderful about theirs.

I''m not judging anyone at all. I found the nature of the post very off-putting, first of all because ethical diamonds are a subject I don''t think should be greeted with "Don''t worry about it if you can''t afford it" (even if it wasn''t said out loud) and that the title of the thread was about "Insulting someone''s e-ring" To me it was an insult to users here who might have a ring from somewhere like a chain store. To me that IS making someone who reads that feel less than wonderful about their jewelry.

 

[Liane]

princesss has already replied with everything I''d have said (and more eloquently so!), so I''ll just co-sign her statement. I''d never say anything negative to someone who got a diamond that I thought was unlovely, but privately in my head, yes, I would be disappointed on my friends'' behalf. If that makes me "elitist" and "dismissive," alas, I''m guilty as charged (and, rote protests to the contrary, guilty as judged).

And sure, I''ll take "very poor character" too while I''m at it. It''s probably true.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 12/3/2009 10:25:45 PM
Author: trillionaire

I NEVER ask people to see their rings, and only very occassionally with very close friends. I feel like no matter what, it ends up being awkward.

Same as Trillionare, I rarely discuss rings with others (this is as of a month back when someone said her pendant was a cz). Not even other jewelry because this has led to multiple awkward experiences! A frew friends have become excited and rambled on about their pieces. The rest just said odd things or gave me weird looks or, worse yet, made negative comments about their pieces. Complaining about a stone being too small when it's over 2X as big as mine. (I think this is actually the 3rd or 4th time I've posted in this thread - lol - just on the previous about not offending anyone - seriously, I cannot imagine anyone being perfect in this regard! You either say nothing or risk irritating someone)

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 12/4/2009 1:11:51 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade
I don''t understand these ''won''t accept under X carat'' girls that actually mean it. Even if you secretly think that, why in the world would you say it out loud? Isn''t that like advertising that you are shallow and care more for the ring than the man?

A friend of mine from HS stated numerous times, she HAD to have a ring that was at least 1 ct. She wasn''t materialistic in any other sense, but for her, the perfect diamond was mandatory. Funny thing is she ended up with a .50 and then a few years later added a diamond eternity band, which I commented on. Then she told me the diamond eternity band was a CZ.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 12/4/2009 3:47:21 PM
Author: LittleGreyKitten

Date: 12/3/2009 5:35:08 PM
Author: MC
Not that I can recall. I don''t get any compliments on it, either. Okay, maybe about 5 in the many many years I''ve had it. People suck. At least they could say *something*. I have no exciting story to add to this thread.

Work with jewelry. Then you will hear the good, the bad and the just plain freaky weird on a daily basis. I guess if you are in proximity to jewelry, yours is fair game. I''d say I hear about 80% nice, and the rest is a grab bag of passive aggressiveness and just plain bizzarity. One woman threw a huge hissy fit when I wouldn''t tell her what ''I'' paid for my e-ring, complete with screaming. I also get ''Is that real'' often enough to just find it funny.

One comment did tick me off, because it was intentional and not just a slip of the tongue *and* from someone I knew. A person I know, who sells antique jewelry for a living, looked at the 3 1/2ct OEC I had just gotten. He said, ''Oh, what size is that? Almost a carat?'' And then gave me this sly I''m-being-a-jerk-and-you-can''t-do-a-thing look. He also always asks me if I''m pregnant or just fat, which I love *so much*. He also called me ''Satan spawn'' once to my face, and threw a handful of his rings across the room. I was furious at the time, but looking back- awesome insult! And hilarious.

You gotta be kidding me. Where does this guy sell jewelery at? Seriously, I''ll go in there and throw out a few punches! hehehe

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 1/10/2010 2:35:15 PM
Author: Liane
princesss has already replied with everything I''d have said (and more eloquently so!), so I''ll just co-sign her statement. I''d never say anything negative to someone who got a diamond that I thought was unlovely, but privately in my head, yes, I would be disappointed on my friends'' behalf. If that makes me ''elitist'' and ''dismissive,'' alas, I''m guilty as charged (and, rote protests to the contrary, guilty as judged).


And sure, I''ll take ''very poor character'' too while I''m at it. It''s probably true.

On the contrary, never said you have a poor character. I believe I said if you HAD said that, it would have shown poor character. But you didn''t say it. And I never said you personally were elitist, or dismissive for that matter, just that what you said came off sounding that way. Ethical diamond sources are kind of a touchy subject for me (long story) and my first engagement ring was a moissanite from a mall but it was what it represented that is still so special to me. Truthfully I think most of your posts are quite lovely and classy, so this seemed a little out of left field from what I had observed. I think your jewelry is wonderful and I enjoy looking at it.

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 12/4/2009 7:10:11 PM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
It wasn't my ering but...


My DH got me a lovely ering - but after paying cash for the ring and most of our wedding - there were not enough funds left to pay for a custom matching wedding band. So I got a simple plain white gold band. When I returned to work after the wedding a co-worker asked to see my band, I showed her my hand and she responded'Wow,that's it?'


It was hard not to be insulted!

i have to be honest, keepingthefaith - if i had received that comment, i think i would have spat my coffee out, laughing! it's just so...so...so BALD! when i'd finished laughing, i'd probably have responded with something like "you're a subtle little thing, aren't you? no social filter at all, really..."

cracks me up when people speak - not intentionally maliciously - but so obviously without thinking! too funny...

and i'm sure your ring is gorgeous, being rather partial, as i am, to 'plain white gold bands'.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 1/11/2010 2:09:05 AM
Author: whitby_2773

Date: 12/4/2009 7:10:11 PM

Author: Keepingthefaith21

It wasn''t my ering but...



My DH got me a lovely ering - but after paying cash for the ring and most of our wedding - there were not enough funds left to pay for a custom matching wedding band. So I got a simple plain white gold band. When I returned to work after the wedding a co-worker asked to see my band, I showed her my hand and she responded''Wow,that''s it?''



It was hard not to be insulted!

i have to be honest, keepingthefaith - if i had received that comment, i think i would have spat my coffee out, laughing! it''s just so...so...so BALD! when i''d finished laughing, i''d probably have responded with something like ''you''re a subtle little thing, aren''t you? no social filter at all, really...''


cracks me up when people speak - not intentionally maliciously - but so obviously without thinking! too funny...


and i''m sure your ring is gorgeous, being rather partial, as i am, to ''plain white gold bands''.

I have nothing to add to the thread other than to slightly T-J to say "Hi Whitby!! Welcome back dear, you''ve been missed!"

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 1/11/2010 9:50:19 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

I have nothing to add to the thread other than to slightly T-J to say ''Hi Whitby!! Welcome back dear, you''ve been missed!''

Me, too! Yay!

 

[whitby_2773]

thanks ladies - ditto to you, also

 

[risingsun]

Good to see you, Whitby

 

[Smurfysmiles]

One time we were at walmart in the middle of the night and some ridiculously drunk lady who was getting her phone fixed (because her horse had stepped on it or something like that, I couldn''t really make out the whole story lol)
Anyways, she grabbed my hand in a line of a people and announced how fantastic my Tiffany''s ring was. Now let''s get one thing straight- my ring is not even remotely in the same category as a Tiffany''s ring I love it and think it is beautiful but it is not that extravagant. She kept going on and on about it. I don''t know if this story counts but the topic reminded me of this. More than anything it makes me laugh whenever I think about it haha

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 12/3/2009 5:14:01 PM
Author: Liane
(I don't know what I'll do if a friend gets a maul ring. Happily their fiances have done a lot better than that so far!)

I happen to have a maul ring. I originally joined PS for the support. I guess I had never read a thread about maul rings (and to be perfectly honest don't know why it is spelled this way? It means chain store right?). Well anyways, DH bought my ring at a chain and I think it just about the loveliest ring I've ever seen.

Maybe if one of your friends gets a maul ring you should congratulate her on her engagement and lovely ring. How would you feel if situations were reversed...probably not too good.

eta: didn't read the above posts. But still stand by what I say

 

[Liane]

Smurfyimproved, I sincerely doubt you have anything I''d consider a "maul" ring.

Let me clarify: when I call something a "maul store," I don''t mean just any chain store or jewelry shop in a mall. As I have said on other threads in the past, there are some very beautiful rings to be had in those shops. There is a reason that Lorelei is constantly recommending people go to Jared''s and look at their Peerless collection: those are precision-cut diamonds of very high quality and, for many people, the best resource available. To me, a jewelry shop that sells quality goods, doesn''t engage in predatory tactics, and has knowledgable staff is not a "maul store," regardless of what name it has over the door.

To me, a shop deserves the name "maul store" when it -- as the name suggests -- mauls its customers. This usually means that it doesn''t have knowledgeable sales staff (or, worse, does and uses that knowledge to intimidate or bamboozle customers), engages in dirty tactics like smudging a thumb over a competitor''s stone to make it look less sparkly than the store''s own wares, sells poorly cut or visibly included diamonds at inflated prices while misleading the customer as to the nature of what they''re getting, and so on.

A "maul store" can be a chain store, or a shop in the mall, or an indie right here on Jewelers'' Row (which is, in fact, where I have seen many of the worst offenders that I personally have encountered).

If a friend of mine got a badly cut, low-quality ring from a disreputable shop like that, I would bite my tongue but I''d be disappointed. On the other hand, if a friend got a beautiful ring from Jared or Helzberg, I''d be purely happy for her. A beautiful ring is a beautiful ring no matter where it came from, and I''ve never said or implied otherwise.

I was a little short in my response to PinkAsscher because I felt like that was drama-bait and didn''t want to get involved... but if you want the long answer, well, there it is.

 

[Cehrabehra]

JMO but maybe a thread about insulting rings isn''t a good place to joke around insulting hypothetical rings that may very well be exactly what some readers are wearing... you may not be saying it to their face, but you''re saying it in earshot. I get the feeling, but maybe it''s too ironic to stoop to that in this thread?

 

[Liane]

Date: 1/11/2010 4:41:07 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
JMO but maybe a thread about insulting rings isn''t a good place to joke around insulting hypothetical rings that may very well be exactly what some readers are wearing... you may not be saying it to their face, but you''re saying it in earshot. I get the feeling, but maybe it''s too ironic to stoop to that in this thread?

Yeah, that''s a fair point and goes back to my original post re: feeling like sometimes there''s nothing I can say, however well-intentioned, that isn''t going to come across as accidentally slighting someone.

Blah. Today''s a foot-in-mouth day for me on PS. Time to take a break.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/11/2010 4:37:21 PM
Author: Liane
Smurfyimproved, I sincerely doubt you have anything I''d consider a ''maul'' ring.


Let me clarify: when I call something a ''maul store,'' I don''t mean just any chain store or jewelry shop in a mall. As I have said on other threads in the past, there are some very beautiful rings to be had in those shops. There is a reason that Lorelei is constantly recommending people go to Jared''s and look at their Peerless collection: those are precision-cut diamonds of very high quality and, for many people, the best resource available. To me, a jewelry shop that sells quality goods, doesn''t engage in predatory tactics, and has knowledgable staff is not a ''maul store,'' regardless of what name it has over the door.


To me, a shop deserves the name ''maul store'' when it -- as the name suggests -- mauls its customers. This usually means that it doesn''t have knowledgeable sales staff (or, worse, does and uses that knowledge to intimidate or bamboozle customers), engages in dirty tactics like smudging a thumb over a competitor''s stone to make it look less sparkly than the store''s own wares, sells poorly cut or visibly included diamonds at inflated prices while misleading the customer as to the nature of what they''re getting, and so on.


A ''maul store'' can be a chain store, or a shop in the mall, or an indie right here on Jewelers'' Row (which is, in fact, where I have seen many of the worst offenders that I personally have encountered).


If a friend of mine got a badly cut, low-quality ring from a disreputable shop like that, I would bite my tongue but I''d be disappointed. On the other hand, if a friend got a beautiful ring from Jared or Helzberg, I''d be purely happy for her. A beautiful ring is a beautiful ring no matter where it came from, and I''ve never said or implied otherwise.


I was a little short in my response to PinkAsscher because I felt like that was drama-bait and didn''t want to get involved... but if you want the long answer, well, there it is.

Thanks for explaining I was like what the heck is wrong with chain stores! I got mine at helzberg and that''s where I first learned about the 4Cs, hearts and diamonds, the lady there was very nice to us and definitely helped us pick the right thing

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 1/11/2010 3:33:43 PM
Author: risingsun
Good to see you, Whitby

hi marian you too - and that gorgeous ring of yours!

 

[Tuckins1]

Date: 1/11/2010 6:00:21 PM
Author: whitby_2773

Date: 1/11/2010 3:33:43 PM

Author: risingsun

Good to see you, Whitby

hi marian you too - and that gorgeous ring of yours!

Hey! Good to see you back!

 

[whitby_2773]

thanks, tuckins numero uno

(ongoing apologies for this appalling thread jack)

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 1/11/2010 4:43:12 PM
Author: Liane

Date: 1/11/2010 4:41:07 PM

Author: Cehrabehra

JMO but maybe a thread about insulting rings isn''t a good place to joke around insulting hypothetical rings that may very well be exactly what some readers are wearing... you may not be saying it to their face, but you''re saying it in earshot. I get the feeling, but maybe it''s too ironic to stoop to that in this thread?

Yeah, that''s a fair point and goes back to my original post re: feeling like sometimes there''s nothing I can say, however well-intentioned, that isn''t going to come across as accidentally slighting someone.


Blah. Today''s a foot-in-mouth day for me on PS. Time to take a break.

I wouldn''t go that far - I can overlook comments easy enough but it''s hard to overlook irony lol Don''t make your break very long