Insulting someone''s e-ring; someone insulting yours?

[kenny]

I don't know.

Usually when I see anything under 2.26 carat I say, "Oh what a cute little diamond. When's your upgrade?"

Whenever I see anything over 2.26 carat I say, "Wow, what a waste of money. Don't you feel bad for all the starving children in the world?"

Are those insults?

 

[trillionaire]

I went to dinner with an acquaintance and both of us had gotten engaged in the past 6 mos, but not seen each other's rings (I did see hers in FB photos and it was LOVELY!) We were eating and chatting and she asked to see my ring, so I asked to see hers as well. Hers was beautiful, but noticably smaller than mine. We complimented each other, but then she immediately started talking about how she and her fiance had agreed not to spend an exorbitant amount on a ring, and how she would be really angry if he did, etc, etc. She was going on and on about it. I definitely felt awkward, as if she was defensively justifying the size of her ring and condemning mine. My ring is 1ct, so it's substantial, but not gawdy at all. I also don't have tiny fingers, mine is probably a true size 6.5... On top of that, I have NO IDEA how much FI spent on it, but I assume it was a price he felt comfortable paying! I certainly felt awkward and offended

I don't know what tcw her ring was, but it's a lovely, lovely ring... looks like this...

 

[february2003bride]

To answer my own question

I did inadvertently insult my brother''s wedding band. I didn''t mean to though! He chose a yellow gold channel set band and when he showed me his ring I put my foot in my mouth and said "Oh wow! So great looking! But won''t you get tired of it?" I guess because I had pictured in my head him having a plain band (more his style) that seeing channel set diamond threw me off!

But karma''s a b!tch because today at lunch my good friend slighted my new set

(which is what prompted me to start this thread) .

 

[MishB]

I''m sure a lot of people must wonder why I don''t have a big diamond engagement ring, but no one has ever had the nerve to ask me.

I do wonder what to say when girls show me their rings and it''s not something I can even honestly admire, something like ''how pretty'' would be a lie. Which is why I rarely ask to see someone''s ring, only if I have a good idea it''s going to be something I can honestly compliment.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 12/3/2009 9:23:47 PM
Author: MishB
I''m sure a lot of people must wonder why I don''t have a big diamond engagement ring, but no one has ever had the nerve to ask me.

I do wonder what to say when girls show me their rings and it''s not something I can even honestly admire, something like ''how pretty'' would be a lie. Which is why I rarely ask to see someone''s ring, only if I have a good idea it''s going to be something I can honestly compliment.

Mish, I think that when someone shows you their ring they are expecting to be complimented, and even if you feel it''s a lie to say that you find it attractive, it is ok to be gracious and say "it''s lovely." To me, the word "lovely" implies that the ring was given out of love and therefore the statement is basically truthful. You may not mean that you think it is pretty, but it gets the job done, the girl doesn''t feel slighted, and you don''t have that awkward silence.

Btw, it took me a long time to figure that out. I am not a born Miss Manners and have been clueless or stuck my foot in my mouth several times over paying someone an appropriate compliment. However, I was raised to be gracious and kind and to treat others as I would like to be treated, even if I don''t agree with them or have the same taste.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

My ex boyfriend said that my diamond wasn't big enough, lol. I just chalked it up as him being jealous that he let me get away

 

[monarch64]

Date: 12/3/2009 9:32:06 PM
Author: Diamond*Dana
My ex boyfriend said that my diamond wasn''t big enough, lol. I just chalked it up as him being jealous that he let me get away

Omg...so many jokes there. I mean, really? He HAD to bring up the size of your stone? I would chalk that up to serious inadequacy issues on his part.

 

[Haven]

People have made comments about my ring that seemed less than kind. I'm never sure if people are trying to be mean or if they just lack basic manners, so I just ignore the comments.

My FIL's lady companion rolled her eyes and said something along the lines of "It's a bit flashy, isn't it?" when she first saw my engagement ring. It didn't bother me, I was over the moon happy and that freshly-engaged dust hadn't worn off yet so nothing could have bothered me at that moment.

A woman at the Macy's candy counter stared at my set for long enough to make me uncomfortable, and then said something like "I really love your rings, they're just so . . . plain . . and simple." Pause. "I wish more women would swallow their pride and choose . . . modest, plain wedding sets like yours." I thanked her and walked off with my bag of candy corn, unsure as to whether she was being serious or messing with me.

One person thinks it's flashy, the other plain. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, I guess.

I just respond with a big fat

.

 

[kas baby]

I''m going with a colored gemstone set. FI proposed with a sapphire band so we could pick out the setting and sapphire of the other ring together. So when people first started asking to see my ring I got a lot of this:

"Oh I just have to see your ring!!"...."Oh. well isn''t that nice."

It''s like when people don''t see a diamond they glaze over and think FI was cheap and got me the sapphires. What they don''t realize is that my set has so much more sentiment and will be much better quality than the frozen spit run-of-the-mill maul stuff everyone else has and gushes over.

I love my sapphires and just gush over them, and that''s what matters. everyone else can have their mall jewelry

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/3/2009 9:23:47 PM
Author: MishB
I''m sure a lot of people must wonder why I don''t have a big diamond engagement ring, but no one has ever had the nerve to ask me.

I do wonder what to say when girls show me their rings and it''s not something I can even honestly admire, something like ''how pretty'' would be a lie. Which is why I rarely ask to see someone''s ring, only if I have a good idea it''s going to be something I can honestly compliment.

I NEVER ask people to see their rings, and only very occassionally with very close friends. I feel like no matter what, it ends up being awkward.

And honestly, unless you have super sparkly ring 99.9% of the time, I won''t notice that you even have one. I''ve seriously had people who I''ve known for months start talking about their husbands, and I am shocked that they are married. Only then do I notice the ring.

In addition, I do believe in being gracious, but I don''t lie well either, and if I don''t like your ring (ie, not my taste), I worry that it comes off as less than genuine. I don''t even like to show people MY ring, though I love it and am so proud of it. It''s a trillion, which is unusual and undoubtedly not many people''s taste, and I don''t care to be subjected to their opinions about it. That said, everyone has said lovely things about it, so maybe I''m just paranoid...

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/3/2009 10:21:23 PM
Author: kas baby
I'm going with a colored gemstone set. FI proposed with a sapphire band so we could pick out the setting and sapphire of the other ring together. So when people first started asking to see my ring I got a lot of this:

'Oh I just have to see your ring!!'....'Oh. well isn't that nice.'

It's like when people don't see a diamond they glaze over and think FI was cheap and got me the sapphires. What they don't realize is that my set has so much more sentiment and will be much better quality than the frozen spit run-of-the-mill maul stuff everyone else has and gushes over.

I love my sapphires and just gush over them, and that's what matters. everyone else can have their mall jewelry

sapphires! Do you have a link to pics of your band???

I have a peridot ring (which I

with all my heart, it was for our 5th anniversary!) that people have often mistaken for my e-ring... even though I wear it on my right ring finger. It's so sparkly and gorgeous, I let my friend wear it once and I couldn't take my eyes off of it. It seriously looks like it glows!!!

 

[junebug17]

I think it is an act of basic human kindness to say something complimentary about a person's engagement ring. I can always find something nice to say about a diamond ring, or colored stone ring, even if it isn't my style. I enjoy looking at a newly engaged person's ring and sharing their excitement and happiness.

I received a .33 carat diamond when I became engaged. I loved it and thought it was beautiful, but slowly started realizing through various comments made by others that it was "small" (I was young, wasn't even really aware of diamond size). A girl in one of my classes at college looked down at my hand one day and said, "Oh, did you have your nails done because of your ring? Your ring is so beautiful, it looks lovely on your hand". I was thrilled that she noticed my ring and complimented it, it meant a lot because I was getting a little hurt by some people's reactions. More than 25 years later I still remember that sweet girl and her kind words.

 

[kas baby]

pictures of the band with my loose sapphire can be found here: http://www.pricescope.com/forum/colored-stones/piece-de-resistance-t122760-30.html

I have a big sweet spot for sapphires

 

[usnwife]

I am sure that I have been an "obnoxious observer" with many a choice comment, from "cute" to "oh". I honestly didn''t mean to insult anyone''s ring, but I suffer from a lack of vocabulary. After reading PS, I do NOT make any kind of comments IRL anymore.

I guess, I have one of those "say it to my face" kind of faces, so I have heard a wide variety of snarky comments. I don''t mind the "oh he must love you a lot", "is it real", the "gasp OMG", "I would never want one that big". My fave snarky comment is "won''t your Mother be mad you took her ring".

The only time I feel bad is when others compare my ring to another. I cringe when some Jack-o opens his mouth to ask another couple why mine is "bigger, sparklier, etc".

 

[exoticisabella]

Well in my case, people think that a bigger ring means he loves you more... ''Awww he MUST REALLY LOVE YOU!'' It makes me the angriest.

OOOOH! I hate that!

I used to get that all the time when I had a 1.5 carat. No he didn''t "really love me"! He was just jerk and I spent his money to buy that rock

I sold the big rock (who wants to keep something you bought out of anger) and kind of miss it now

 

[deegee]

My MIL told me my diamond was too sparkly to be real. When I chipped it, she said "See, I told you it wasn''t real." I told her that insurance replaced it, so it must be something other than glass. She makes some rude comment about it every time I see her! One time to shut her up, my hubby told her that she must not know what a real diamond looked like since his dad bought her a diamond chip for an engagement ring. He could say that to her, but there''s no way I could!

 

[kenny]

I never hesitate complimenting a woman on her diamond if I notice it, no matter what size it is.
It has never been awkward.
They are always happy I commented.

Oh . . . men too.

 

[Gypsy]

There's always a positive comment to be made. "It suits you" ... "It's a classic... "It's obvious he put a lot of thought into it"... "How exciting, you must be so happy" if nothing else comes to mind. And *I* am NOT a tactful person.

As for being insulted... meh, damned if you do, damned if you don't. One of the blessings of a bad memory is I can't really remember anything specificly bad, just feelings of vague annoyance in the past without any specific recollection as to who or when... except for my stepdad (who is great, just tactless and competitive) who examed it a week after I got it, VERY closely and critically, and then said "so what is it, 3/4 carat?" Which was not insulting because of the size evaluation (ahh the joys of owning an asscher) but rather for the tone of voice and lack of any positive comment accompanying it when I was obviously just thrilled and sharing my joy.

Oh, and when I got my reset both my mother and my grandmother were so 'sad' that I couldn't 'afford' to get pave on the shank of my ring (my mother even offered to pay for some

) even after I explained that it was a lifestyle and design choice.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 12/3/2009 10:43:20 PM
Author: junebug17
I think it is an act of basic human kindness to say something complimentary about a person's engagement ring. I can always find something nice to say about a diamond ring, or colored stone ring, even if it isn't my style. I enjoy looking at a newly engaged person's ring and sharing their excitement and happiness.

I received a .33 carat diamond when I became engaged. I loved it and thought it was beautiful, but slowly started realizing through various comments made by others that it was 'small' (I was young, wasn't even really aware of diamond size). A girl in one of my classes at college looked down at my hand one day and said, 'Oh, did you have your nails done because of your ring? Your ring is so beautiful, it looks lovely on your hand'. I was thrilled that she noticed my ring and complimented it, it meant a lot because I was getting a little hurt by some people's reactions. More than 25 years later I still remember that sweet girl and her kind words.

not if that person waved her Ering in front of my face...
one of my wife's friend did that to me one time and i said...get the POS away from my face!!

 

[jewelerman]

Told this one on the forums before but a memorable one for me...Helped a women at a jewelry store I managed in 1993...She asked to see the Cubic zirconia mans ring on my right hand(my 2.54 round brilliant)When I informed her that It was my personal jewelry and genuine she responded that"it couldnt be real because she knew how much a diamond that size would cost and also knew how much retail sales people earmed!" i didnt say a word and with that she spun around on her designer heels and walked away!

 

[jewelerman]

Date: 12/3/2009 10:43:20 PM
Author: junebug17
I think it is an act of basic human kindness to say something complimentary about a person''s engagement ring. I can always find something nice to say about a diamond ring, or colored stone ring, even if it isn''t my style. I enjoy looking at a newly engaged person''s ring and sharing their excitement and happiness.

I received a .33 carat diamond when I became engaged. I loved it and thought it was beautiful, but slowly started realizing through various comments made by others that it was ''small'' (I was young, wasn''t even really aware of diamond size). A girl in one of my classes at college looked down at my hand one day and said, ''Oh, did you have your nails done because of your ring? Your ring is so beautiful, it looks lovely on your hand''. I was thrilled that she noticed my ring and complimented it, it meant a lot because I was getting a little hurt by some people''s reactions. More than 25 years later I still remember that sweet girl and her kind words.

very cool story!That was one classey young lady!

 

[Madam Bijoux]

LOL at this one:


Kenny:

Usually when I see anything under 2.26 carat I say, "Oh what a cute little diamond. When''s your upgrade?" (Answer: Whenever you buy it for me!)
Whenever I see anything over 2.26 carat I say, "Wow, what a waste of money. Don''t you feel bad for all the starving children in the world?" (Answer: "Are there no workhouses?")

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Another LOL from Diamond*Dana:

"My ex boyfriend said that my diamond wasn''t big enough". (The answer: "Neither was your BFF.")

 

[rhbgirl24]

I''ve received a lot of compliments and a few not so nice statements. One came from someone who recently got engaged - her ring was very pretty, but smaller and a standard maul purchase. She saw my ring and just gave me this look like ''urg'' then said "well you waited long enough for it so he had to get you something big to make up for it." Wow, now we were together 12 years before he proposed, but come on! lol

Oh well, people are strange when they are jealous.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Nothing brings out a person''s true colors like diamonds and designer handbags.

 

[tlh]

Date: 12/3/2009 7:50:34 PM
Author: trillionaire
I went to dinner with an acquaintance and both of us had gotten engaged in the past 6 mos, but not seen each other''s rings (I did see hers in FB photos and it was LOVELY!) We were eating and chatting and she asked to see my ring, so I asked to see hers as well. Hers was beautiful, but noticably smaller than mine. We complimented each other, but then she immediately started talking about how she and her fiance had agreed not to spend an exorbitant amount on a ring, and how she would be really angry if he did, etc, etc. She was going on and on about it. I definitely felt awkward, as if she was defensively justifying the size of her ring and condemning mine. My ring is 1ct, so it''s substantial, but not gawdy at all. I also don''t have tiny fingers, mine is probably a true size 6.5... On top of that, I have NO IDEA how much FI spent on it, but I assume it was a price he felt comfortable paying! I certainly felt awkward and offended

I don''t know what tcw her ring was, but it''s a lovely, lovely ring... looks like this...

OMG trill that happened to me once too! I have a coworker that has the most lovely ring set. I honestly LOVE IT. It is a an intersting WG design that sorta curves like an S, no diamonds along the band, but it sits on her hand like at an angle. The diamond is held by a 6 prong setting. Her wedding band is fused w/ it and that has 2 diamonds that meets the S design in its counter.. and it is really NEAT. Definately not something you see everyday. Her diamond is probably .25ct or less... but it sparkles like nothing else, and ALWAYS catches my eye. When I first started I was struck by it immediately and always compliment on it. Which I think she was suprised since it was smaller... and it honestly didn''t matter. I''ve seen bigger - but hers really is a great cut - which is noticable on any size. I honestly love her setting, which she just dropped her mouth wide open that I didn''t "LOVE" mine. I''ve been honest, that I did love it initially, but now it is way too much for daily wear... and I''m looking into something in the lines of a 6 prong solitare, or a 6 prong like a ritani non-endless love setting...

Well one day another coworker got engaged. She had a bezel set diamond I''d say about a carat. w/ two sideflanked belezelled trillion stones. The ring was milligrained and also really awesome. But then only 2-3 weeks later she traded it in for a 6 prong eternity setting approx 2-3mm. Same reason as mine.. she loved it, but felt it was more of a "cocktail ring". Well anywho, I LOVED the new setting. It was really what I had in mind for my switch, and we were talking about her new setting. Well the other coworker did what your friend did, and went on and on about how her husband got what he could afford, they were poor college kids- etc. And I could tell that somehow she felt slighted. (Oh and did I mention the new setting also had a new 2.25 center stone?) I wasn''t going gaga over her center stone... just was really interested in her setting. But i realized somehow 2 girls going talking about rings, with much larger diamonds than hers... somehow made HEr feel bad... even though I didn''t like her ring any less... but it felt weird.
I felt if I would go on about how much I liked hers it would seem ingenuine. Which it wasn''t. I told her how much I loved her ring- and I meant that. It was a custom made setting and was way cool. You can''t knock that. The only thing was the girl with the new setting was saying she liked the other girls ring - but after hearing about how the center stone was too small on her cocktail ring.. it did come across as disingenuine. I still hoped that she didnt'' think I was putting her on... but I''ll never know.
But yes... that is a really awkward situation.. and it SUCKS.

 

[vespergirl]

Yes - two people, in the first week that I got it (my original ering was a 1.64 ct G VS2 asscher solitaire in the same platinum solitaire setting that I have now). I''m assuming that I got the derogatory comments because my asscher faced up 6.2 x 6.2, about the same size as a .8 round, even though it was double the carat weight.

The first was my secretary, the morning after I got the ring. I showed it to her, and since she knows what my DH does for a living, I guess she expected a flashier looking ring - she said, "Wow, I thought he would get you something bigger." When I told her that it was 1.64 ct, she said that she had never seen that shape before, and that it looked smaller than the carat weight.

The next dis I got was from one of my best friends, a few days after I got engaged. When I showed her the ring, she said, "That''s nice, but when I get engaged, I want a ring that''s special," of course inferring that my solitaire was not.

I couldn''t believe that two people that I was so close to would dis my ring, but then I remembered that both of them didn''t have any prospects of getting engaged, so maybe in retrospect they were a bit jealous.

After several lackluster comments (I think the only person who really loved the ring was my mom) I got a complex and ended up first trading up to different asschers (the most recent being a 2.25 ct F VS2 asscher), before I finally just traded the diamond for a 2.01 ct G SI1 round brilliant. My current ring definitely gets a lot of compliments, even though it''s in the same solitaire setting. I think that people just notice a sparkly round brilliant a lot more than a more subtle asscher. I think that for an asscher, I would have been better off going with a blingy halo setting - I just don''t think that a solitaire was the best setting to showcase an asscher ...

 

[setell]

I don’t get people’s obsession to always wanting a larger stone either. To me a larger bank account is much much better!!! Nobody has really said anything mean but I’ve gotten um looks. Not “oh what a beauty” looks but the glares instead. Mind you I got a 0.71 ct cushion which faces up like a 0.5ct RB which isn’t that big on PS but I guess it’s more on the larger side to some folks. At times I wonder what would folks say if I had gone and gotten over the 1ct mark as I could if I wanted to but I am just too cheap (fiancée wanted to but I said no). It saddens me at times how nobody here knows what on earth a cushion is!!! To make me feel better I look at my beautiful cushion and smile like a crazy woman that I may be the only woman in this small city with a modern facet cushion! Hahahahaha

To answer OP’s question, the worst was my cousin when she saw my ring and didn’t say anything for a good few minutes. I’m a very blunt person to family so I told her to just say what she thought as I love it and that’s all that matters. I told her that it’s probably not her taste too. She managed a “it’s nice but not my style”. Well DUH! It’s my ring silly!!! Then she went on and said she wants a 5ct solitaire!!!!

I would say the second worst thing was I went out to dinner with a co-worker and she said that she’ll never agree to marry a man no matter how large of a ring he proposes with when we were talking about engagements (mostly mine). She claims she don’t believe in marriage. Oh did I mention she’s single, and a fairly religious family/background (father’s a congregation/church starter/builder). I chuck it up to her being just jealous I found a great guy that can spoil me rotten while she hasn't had a date for the past 1.5+ years!!!

 

[upgrade]

I''ve had my original and upgrades insulted... My orginal was a half carat solitaire. When I got engaged I was SO excited to show it to my (single) best friend from high school. She held my hand and looked at for a minute before dropping my hand and proclaiming that she would never accept anything less that a full carat. It''s now more than 10 years later and I''m still blissfully happy with my husband and she''s still single... (and after a string of similar incidents, I decided to end that ''friendship'')

When I got my upgrade earlier this year it was my mom who insulted it. She gawked at it when I showed it to her and asked to try it on. She put it on her hand and said it was way too big and how could I wear that. She was jealous. I love my ring and I figure there are always going to be jealous people who have to build themselves up by cutting someone else down so I don''t let their comments bother me.

I would sincerely hope that I''ve never insulted anyone else''s ring- if I have it was accidental. I try to compliment every newly engaged woman I meet on her ring. Even if I don''t like it, a little white lie to make her feel good is a good thing in my books.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 12/3/2009 10:48:09 PM
Author: kas baby

pictures of the band with my loose sapphire can be found here: http://www.pricescope.com/forum/colored-stones/piece-de-resistance-t122760-30.html

I have a big sweet spot for sapphires

Kas -

That is hands down one of the most STUNNING sapphires that I have ever seen! The color is like diving into a hypnotic pool of blue, and it certainly DOES appear to glow!

I usually see the blue sapphires in a darker shade, but yours is absolutey incredible and one of a kind, and your band is so dainty and beautiful as well! The perfect complement! Congrats on your two lovelies!

Now I feel sorry for FI. Guess what''s going on my wishlist?