I'm a widow

[Cluless]

Oh bean I think of you everyday and check to see how you are even if I don't post but this morning I have to say Thank you for the laugh, you made my day hon xo

 

[PintoBean]

Oy... I've been so tired! I fell asleep after 1 and slept till 1 PM. Crazy! I may lie down and sleep some more again. Who knew grief is exhausting?

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

Sleep is an escape, which is OK at this time. Go for a walk, or the store to get out a little. Do a little something each day. I am so sorry this happened to you.

Annette

 

[BlingDreams]

Oy... I've been so tired! I fell asleep after 1 and slept till 1 PM. Crazy! I may lie down and sleep some more again. Who knew grief is exhausting?

It IS exhausting! You've gone through a trauma; just like physical healing takes a toll on the body, so does mental and emotional healing.

I have loved reading your posts because they're *so real*. The openness you're allowing us to be a part of is humbling PB. Thank you for sharing your journey; we're here to support you, yet at the same time many of us seem to be learning a lot from you in the process.

Thinking of you today and hoping that it's manageable. Keep crying, keep laughing, and keep remembering all of the good times. Reach out for help. Have someone else look over the accident report in case there are things in there you really don't want to read about. Have someone else call back the insurance agent. And just focus on yourself (and that ooey-gooey fudge!). Hugs to you.

 

[PintoBean]

I don't recall if I mentioned this, but it's still bothering me a bit. It's more of an annoyance, like a gnat flying around my head. After the funeral, one of my 86 year old neighbors "took the liberty" of calling up the neighbors in our HOA and telling them that my husband had passed. I'm glad that my other neighbor told him off. Neighbor B was disturbed and outraged and he told the 86 year old that it should have been on MY terms as the bereaved. Also, we suspect that while the 86 year old had been trying to help B out by taking him to medical treatments, he also may have let slip this information that was private. I try to tell myself that he's spared me the questions, like, "Oh, I haven't seen your husband's car around lately...how's he doing?", but again, he "took the liberty" when he shouldn't have.

Also, other neighbors came up to my friend B and stated crazy things like, "we had the RIGHT to know." B went off and said you have NO right to know anything in this situation. I keep joking that B and his wife should hit up the nasty neighbors for tons of cash and then we can split it and go get a fancy steak dinner. Cuz... you know...I'm just a woman. How can I support myself? When my husband ordered me from the mail order catalog, I came with a one way ticket. No refunds. I have 4 cats. I'm eating cat food right now... I had B's wife rolling with that one.

 

[whitewave]

Grief is exhausting. I didn't realize it until my dad died; I think I took a full body hit. Sleep as much as you want as long as you stay hydrated.

 

[tyty333]

Oh PB, you still manage to crack me up! Let me know if you run out of cat food...I just bought a 24 pack case...my kitties and I will be happy to share.

Some people just dont know how to act! Who does he think he is, the town crier??? I guess at 86 you have to give him a pass??? Sounds like B gave him
a good talkin' to (along with some of your other neighbors). Remind me sometime to tell you what someone said to me...I can almost laugh about it
now but it still makes me cringe (highly inappropriate to say the least).

I'm glad you're getting some sleep...I hope you are eating and trying to get out a little. Treat yourself (mani/pedi/?) if you are up to it.

 

[AGBF]

Grief is exhausting. I didn't realize it until my dad died; I think I took a full body hit. Sleep as much as you want as long as you stay hydrated.

By a horrible coincidence, my father's aid, Derrick, who cared for him for a year and was devoted to him lost a man he deeply loved a few days ago (maybe only two days ago). This is two weeks after he lost my father. He was there when his friend overdosed on alcohol and pills in the home of another (female) friend and tried to perform CPR on him until the paramedics came. He came "home" (here) the next day and ran out of gas on the highway. He called me from the highway with a State Trooper and I said I would go get his car and pay for for gasoline. He calls me his mother and he kept telling the policeman (who was saying, "who will pay for the gas?" while Derrick sobbed) that "his mother" was coming and she would. (I figured they would be expecting a tall black woman who resembles Derrick to get out of the car and be surprised by a tiny blonde.) The next thing I knew I got another call. Derrick was screaming that he couldn't live without his friend and the police said they were taking him to the hospital. I ended up going to the wrong town's emergency room before I found him. Then I had to get cans of gas into his car and drive it back here. Now Derrick has been sleeping around the clock for two days. Only recently has he accepted any food. I have been thinking of you constantly, PB. I have been remembering the wise advice I read in this thread. I have been trying to remember that Derrick has to be gentle on his body. I am driving him, not letting him drive and cooking for him, although he is a fantastic cook. I am also keeping him from returning to the town where all this occurred. He doesn't need to "help"; there is no one there to comfort him. He needs to be cared for. He just wants to sleep constantly. This thread ended up being useful to me. I had no idea I would need it.

Thanks to everyone who gave PB such great advice.

Ongoing hugs to you, my brave friend, PB!

Deb

 

[Calliecake]

Pinto Bean, You have every right to feel the way you do. Your neighbor had no right to inform everyone. You are trying to get your bearings and you need to feel like you have control in your life right now. Losing your husband was completely out of your control. At the very least you should be able to control how others are informed. I'm sorry he took that from you Sweetie. Your therapist will be able to help you navigate thru things like this. You probably feel like you are walking thru a landmine right now. I'm so glad you have kept your wonderful sense of humor. There truly is only one Pinto Bean. I hope you know how loved you are.

Pinto, More than anything I don't want to say anything wrong or anything that would ever bother or hurt you. If I ever say anything that isn't helpful or upsets you, please just say "zip it Callie". I think of you all the time and am so sorry you are going thru this. Hugs.

Deb, I'm sorry you are having to deal with being strong and taking care of others especially while you are trying to grieve the loss of your dad. I am sure you are helping Derrick more than you could imagine. Hugs

 

[Queenie60]

By a horrible coincidence, my father's aid, Derrick, who cared for him for a year and was devoted to him lost a man he deeply loved a few days ago (maybe only two days ago). This is two weeks after he lost my father. He was there when his friend overdosed on alcohol and pills in the home of another (female) friend and tried to perform CPR on him until the paramedics came. He came "home" (here) the next day and ran out of gas on the highway. He called me from the highway with a State Trooper and I said I would go get his car and pay for for gasoline. He calls me his mother and he kept telling the policeman (who was saying, "who will pay for the gas?" while Derrick sobbed) that "his mother" was coming and she would. (I figured they would be expecting a tall black woman who resembles Derrick to get out of the car and be surprised by a tiny blonde.) The next thing I knew I got another call. Derrick was screaming that he couldn't live without his friend and the police said they were taking him to the hospital. I ended up going to the wrong town's emergency room before I found him. Then I had to get cans of gas into his car and drive it back here. Now Derrick has been sleeping around the clock for two days. Only recently has he accepted any food. I have been thinking of you constantly, PB. I have been remembering the wise advice I read in this thread. I have been trying to remember that Derrick has to be gentle on his body. I am driving him, not letting him drive and cooking for him, although he is a fantastic cook. I am also keeping him from returning to the town where all this occurred. He doesn't need to "help"; there is no one there to comfort him. He needs to be cared for. He just wants to sleep constantly. This thread ended up being useful to me. I had no idea I would need it.

Thanks to everyone who gave PB such great advice.

Ongoing hugs to you, my brave friend, PB!

Deb

God Bless you Deb. Take care and know that you're a wonderful person. Prayers to you.

 

[PintoBean]

I agree with Deb - what a wealth of knowledge, advice and support this thread has been.

NO one needs to zip it here lololol. We have such a caring, eloquent, and wise bunch of folks on PS!

Oh man, during dinner, I found myself going on and on about this and that and how it would have killed him, or I killed it... and I stopped speaking abruptly and went, "well frack, I didn't mean it like it would have killed him (DH) because he's dead. I'm sorry, i don't know why I talk like a Maffiosa!" And my neighbors just busted out laughing.

 

[rainydaze]

Pinto, you crack me up too and I love that your humor has stuck around through this tragedy.

I often fail to see that someone's well-meaning 'help' is intrusive until after the fact, and by then it's too late to say anything and I'm left to stew for a bit. Seems you've got a great knack for confronting people, but I'm glad someone else was able to step in for you (with the 86 year-old).

Now, someone should see about tracking Tin-Tin because you know she's taking matters into her own hands and ensuring the bling fund is healthy and waiting for you! Our fur babies know us and love us well, don't they?

Deb, my gosh I'm sorry for Derrick's losses. You're a wonderful friend to help hold him up through his shock and grief.

 

[tyty333]

AGBF - I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. Poor Derrick...just too much to cope with. I hope the care and kindness
you are giving him helps him rally and be able to cope in time. Take care of yourself. You still have your own grief to deal with.

 

[Calliecake]

Hey Pinto Bean, Can I please borrow Tin Tin? A cat who contributes to your Bling fund is cat we all need in our lives. Tin Tin has your back. They always say our animals pick us. Tin Tin knew she would be wonderful for you.

 

[luv2sparkle]

PB, sleep is such a gift during grief. I hope you are able to get quite a bit.
It allows you to be able t get away from annoyances and a brain that can't disengage for a little bit. I love your sense of humor and am sorry that people are making things difficult for you. They probably don't mean to, but the effect is still the same. Hugs.

 

[PintoBean]

Reflexology was a little tough today because I'm used to seeing two water bottles and two chocolates set on a dish for us, and there was only one of each today. My LMT looked so sad. She sweetly told me that today's session was on her. She said that my husband was like a bright light and so am I.

My dad called and asked if I'd had golf lessons in school... uh, nooo..., then he informed me that the 3 of us are going to take golf lessons. (Huh, trying to turn me into a yuppy widow, are ya?!?!). I then remembered the time that my husband and I went to a driving range. I have no stereo vision so it's interesting when I need to have good hand eye coordination like ...with sports. I remembered DH hitting ball after ball and me swinging and spinning in place like Michael Jackson. And if I managed to hit a ball it'd go no more than a foot or two away so I'd run and retrieve it and try again.

Who's going to adore a special gassy spazzy bean like me again? Probably a jalapeño looking to make chili.

My poor FIL went to retrieve personal belongings from the wrecked vehicle. It was full of water and he cut himself a few times on shattered glass. He said it was rather unpleasant. Luckily my husband didn't tend to store personal belongings in the car so it came down to his cellphone and some CDs. My FIL put the cellphone in rice.

I went to use our desktop computer today and my husband was still logged into his email. I saw skype messages from a couple coworker's at 11:15 "hello?" From the day of the accident. I accidentally accepted a request to message his skype. I hope I don't scare that man to death.

I picked up a few original death certificates from my in laws. I hope they'll always be my parents too bc they're parenting is the ying to my parents' yang and my in laws always loved hanging out with my parents.

As I drove home Nirvana's Lithium came on the radio. It's always been a favorite of mine but now I feel like I'm living the lyrics lololol.

 

[marcy]

Pinto Bean, I am sure your in laws will always be your parents, it's nice your in laws and your parents are there to help you (and you help them) deal with this. That is nice your father suggested the 3 of you take golf lessons. I hope you get some more sleep. I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

Marcy

 

[lovedogs]

aww Pinto, you crack me up. And I think the golf might be fun! I also hope you get sleep and relaxation, and that reflexology wasn't too hard.

 

[junebug17]

PintoBean, just wanted to send more thoughts of comfort and love to you…I'm glad you have the support of your parents and inlaws, and I'm sure your inlaws will always be a part of your life. Thinking of you, (((hugs)))

 

[AGBF]

I love your postings, Pinto Bean. I tend to read them several times a day, even if I have no time to linger on Pricescope to look at other threads or to post. You are so wonderful, you make me laugh as you do so many others! Oh, how I hate golf! And your mention of golf lessons reminded me of early in my marriage when my husband was still interested in it and I actually went to a driving range with him. He had been forced to live in exile in Sardinia and had learned to play some golf on a famous course built on the Costa Smeralda by the Aga Khan. But golf was the most boring thing I had ever experienced. It seems terribly unfair that you should first have to endure being widowed, then have to endure golf! I would protest!

Deb

 

[Matata]

Pinto, I tried golf lessons once. My boobs got in the way of my swing and the only thing I learned is that buxomness and golf are not simpatico.

 

[AGBF]

Pinto, I tried golf lessons once. My boobs got in the way of my swing and the only thing I learned is that buxomness and golf are not simpatico.

I don't recall where I saw it, it must have been in a thread about a Pricescope get together, but I once saw a photo of you Matata. You looked like a very sexy cat with a very voluptuous chest. At least in my memory. I wish I could say that my problem with golf was that I had your figure!!!

Deb

 

[Matata]

I once saw a photo of you Matata.

Was it this one of our wedding? I was plumper and the girls were busting out of the top of my dress. I lost weight after the last fitting and they were floating out of the bodice.

 

[AGBF]

Was it this one of our wedding? I was plumper and the girls were busting out of the top of my dress. I lost weight after the last fitting and they were floating out of the bodice.

No, it wasn't that one. But that one reinforces my impression!!! Holy Moly!

Deb

 

[Matata]

Holy Moly!

It isn't fun when one's bosom precedes the rest of one's body into a room by a full minute

 

[PintoBean]

No, it wasn't that one. But that one reinforces my impression!!! Holy Moly!

Deb

Ohhhh... I get it now... Ma...tatas...

 

[Matata]

Ohhhh... I get it now... Ma...tatas...

Snort. Well a few people at the PS get together I attended did keep calling me Mrs Tatas....

 

[AGBF]

Snort. Well a few people at the PS get together I attended did keep calling me Mrs Tatas....

...and it was a photo from that get together that I saw. What year was it? Is it still on-line? Can we repost it here for the edification of everyone reading Pinto Bean's thread? (So that they know what size bosom precludes making a female golfer, I mean.)

Also: I commented about your linguistic skills in the past. If you were not an expert on foreign languages, you would never have known that "Ma Ta Ta" meant "my bosom precedes me into the room"! What language does that derive from, by the way?



Deb, going to look it up...

 

[Resonance.Of.Life]

Snort. Well a few people at the PS get together I attended did keep calling me Mrs Tatas....

haha I remember that fondly.

PB: Just take it one day at at time and I love your attitude and humor <3

 

[yennyfire]

It must have been 2013 because that's the only year I went and I'm pretty sure I remember that. Lolol....

PB, I think it's sweet that your Dad wants you to try golf with him. Who knows, maybe you'll love it!

It sounds like you have a special relationship with your in-laws and I can't imagine that will change.

Did you receive that fudge yet? I hope so and that you can't resist eating it and putting some of that lost weight back on!