I'm a widow

[MissGotRocks]

So glad you had a little company with you tonight. Nothing like kids to put a smile on your face! I wish you peace in the coming days as you continue to navigate through all of this.

 

[missy]

Pintobean so glad you had the company of your little cousins last night and you continue to have all our love and support. When things quiet down we will still be here for you. You are not alone. Thinking of you all the time and sending love and hugs and good thoughts your way. One day at a time. (((HUGS))).

 

[december-fire]

Pinto, its wonderful you had your little cousin's with you. As MissGotRocks said, children have a way of making us smile - most of the time, anyway.

GSnow's observations, as quoted in Mary Poppins post, are a pretty good description of what many people feel following the loss of a loved one. Of course, we're all different, and some of us shut down the emotional side and switch to 'control and action', but it seems we end up on a similar journey of navigating the loss. Life is different, but we start noticing how much good is still around us, and how much beauty still exists in the World. As GSnow noted, the waves return, but they diminish in intensity and frequency. With time, they bring wonderful memories and smiles, and a feeling of gratitude for having had the loved one in our life.

Sending you love, hugs and wishes for a day filled with the giggles of your little cousins.

 

[tyty333]

So glad that you are allowing yourself to ask for what you need...and like Toopatient posted, everyone's needs are different and everyone
grieves at different rates. Do what you need to do.

Keeping you in my thoughts....

 

[ihy138]

I just want to chime in and tell you how sorry I am. My thoughts are with you. It's very clear that you are a strong woman with a lot of support and a great sense of humor.

 

[Jambalaya]

Just wanted to send my condolences again, and a great big giant hug xxxx I really cannot imagine what you're going through.

 

[AGBF]

I'm smiling right now bc I hear snoring - different snoring of course, but that reminder of someone else being under the same roof is comforting.

I love random snoring. When people hear snoring here they can't believe it is the dog. But at about 160 pounds with the lung capacity to tow boats laden with people, my Newfie has a very, very low growl and bark and, thus, a very, very, low and loud snore. He falls asleep somewhere and then sounds like an enormous man snoring, but the sounds may emanate from under a coffee table or behind a couch or from another room. Guests are often quite surprised. <wink>.

Deb

 

[Queenie60]

You're in my thoughts today and every day. Take care and surround yourself with those who love you.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Thinking about you today and hoping for some more glimpses of good and love for you PB!

 

[BlingDreams]

Ahhh... the little things that make us smile! So glad you have other humans with you for the moment. Keep reaching out for help when you need it, and even when you just want it.

Sending some hugs your way today!

 

[PintoBean]

Today my in-laws called to tell me they were writing thank you cards. I did not want to be a part of that - it's too soon. Instead, I opted to follow the boys back home and hang out with them.

Thank you for the shake suggestion. I ate more than usual this AM - 1/4 bagel with cream cheese and some coffee, then followed that with half a shake which went down easily.

I had a little pasta with the family at 130 which made me happy that I was relaxed enough to eat. Then I had a slice of pizza and a bread with bruschetta.

As much as I wanted to tackle my husband's bills and mine I figured I can put it off till tomorrow when I turn on my laptop for work.

I am dreading dealing with the car and other administrative aspects of my husband's accident. That is for tomorrow. Today, I just crochet and sit with family watching tv.

 

[Fulvia]

PB - I am just catching up with this and am devastated to read this news. I feel somehow connected to you through this site and Yekutiel and my heart breaks. How AWFUL for you. Sending you all my positive thoughts and love.

 

[imitcan]

I'm without words. I know my thoughts will be with you as will my prayers.
I am so sad to hear of your loss. Please accept my condolences.

 

[luv2sparkle]

That sounds like a really good plan, PB. Family and something to occupy your hands sounds very therapeutic. All the business things can wait another day for sure.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am very proud of you. I know how hard it can be setting limitations. I am glad you are doing what feels right for you. Call anytime.

 

[MollyMalone]

YAY for doing as you feel (e.g., not going over to the in-laws today & instead hanging out with the cousins, and now, crocheting, watching TV)! And it's great that you've been able to eat a bit more today & feel less physically wobbly

* * * I am dreading dealing with the car and other administrative aspects of my husband's accident. That is for tomorrow. Today, I just crochet and sit with family watching tv.

Might you consider handing over these initial phone calls to someone else to make; the spouse (or another next of kin) does not have to be the one to speak to the insurance agents/reps, find out from the local police/sheriff where the car is, etc.
((HUGS))

P.S. Not sure where in the metro NYC area you live, but if not far from Brookhaven, LI, this could be a nice resource for you (it's an 8-week program, but I'm not finding anywhere the start date of the next cluster)
https://211longisland.communityos.org/zf/profile/program/id/303422
When my best friend quite unexpectedly died at the age of 40, her husband found a similar short-term program for younger widowers/widows to be, in his words, "surprisingly useful, I'm glad I did it" (that's coming from a Fortune 500 VP who'd never seen a counselor/therapist or attended any kind of support group in his life)

 

[PintoBean]

you smart smart resourceful PSers!

Idk what happened, but an hour ago I felt ok about logging on online to handle the online payments. A PSer had warned me that sometimes a joint bank account can get shut down bc it had the deceased's name. I went to my bank online and moved that money from the joint savings to my checking stat! It was also pointed out to me that I should verify that there aren't any auto payments associated with my DH's bank accounts. While I handled most of the online payments, that warning made me remember that he has a reoccurring transfer from his checking to savings so I canceled that as well. I felt like river Phoenix from the movie - sneakers lololol (for you millenials that's an 80s-90s heart throb in a 90s movie reference). Ok maybe that's a wild exaggeration and comparison .

My aunt advised me that I may need to produce documentation of proof of marriage to get access to "stuff" in addition to producing the death certificate. I was like - shit - I'm not ready to dig through DH's desk full of documents! @Tacori E-ring my sweet, smart and helpful "cousin" (PS family!) talked me through ordering a copy of my marriage certificate online.
.........
What I'm kinda surprised by is that this event has not made me want to shut down. Rather, I want to live more than ever. I find serenity in the idea that all the challenges I'd met before my "widowhood" were to prepare me for this very moment.

 

[december-fire]

Pinto, thought I'd take a last look at PS before calling it a night.
Glad I did.
You're going to be fine.
I'm at a loss to describe how I feel reading your last paragraph. But its good.

Sending you hugs and wishes for a peaceful sleep.

 

[redwood66]

I admire the strength you continue to exhibit PB. Only do what you feel you can and let others help you.

And Sneakers is one of my favorite movies LOL.

 

[foxinsox]

What I'm kinda surprised by is that this event has not made me want to shut down. Rather, I want to live more than ever. I find serenity in the idea that all the challenges I'd met before my "widowhood" were to prepare me for this very moment.

PB, you are utterly AMAZING. I am in complete admiration of your resilience and strength in what is probably the worst thing that can happen. Much love and kudos to you.
ps what did you decide with regards the 'widow bling'?! I thought of you when I saw the 26.27 carat antique cushion thread

 

[missy]

Hello PintoBean! You are so strong and brave and just amazing. You are up for any challenge and you do it with humor and grace and strength. And LOL re Sneakers. All I remember is Robert Redford from that movie. Talk about dreamy. Was River Phoenix in it too?

Love you PB and sending more hugs and love your way.

 

[yennyfire]

PB, I continue to be in awe of your strength and spirit! I'm so glad that you've received some helpful guidance about bills, bank accounts, etc. You are handling all of this with such grace and perseverance. You've been in my thoughts all weekend and I'm so happy to hear that you're doing better than ok! Please know that it's ok to not be ok. We are here for you no matter what!!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Pinto, you have a great outlook and attitude in the face of adversity. It is admirable, you are an inspiration to me and I'm sure many of us.

 

[iLander]

PB- I just got here and saw this. So sorry, sweetie. ((hugs)) Every day will get a little tiny bit easier, give it time. So glad you're handling things, you're just awesome.

 

[Calliecake]

Pinto, One of the things I remember my husband needing when my MIL died were copies of her death certificate. It may be helpful to have a few copies on hand in case your need them.

You are a strong woman and an inspiration to many of us. You should be very proud of yourself.

 

[PierreBear]

Late to the thread as well... so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the feelings you are going through. Stay strong and may you find comfort that we are all rooting for you!

 

[luv2sparkle]

As women, we are far stronger than we think we are, and you dear PB are a perfect example of it. You are so strong. I am sorry it has taken this tragedy to show you that but I know it is a powerful feeling that will carry you through. Doesn't mean we are strong every minute, but what is within. Hugs.

 

[Puppmom]

Wow, PintoBean. If you've ever doubted your intelligence, tenacity or resourcefulness... look at you now! To outsiders it's obvious what an all around good human being you are.

I'm glad you keep digging deeper and finding a way to get by and find joy and humor in little things. You are a star! And it sounds like you've got some pretty great people In your life too.

 

[lovedogs]

Pinto you are seriously my hero. I am in awe of you!

 

[minousbijoux]

PB: Despite your incredible hardship, you sound like such a lovely person. I would love to know you irl as other PSers do, because you sound so loving, funny, unassuming, honest and grounded, despite everything you are going through.

Several times a day I want to jump on and respond on this thread to give you moral support and hugs. But everyone who does respond says it so well that they speak for so many of us who are constantly thinking of you, sending you the best thoughts and avidly following this thread, but who don't necessarily respond. Just thought you should know that - so many of us are right there in spirit with you. Its so cool to know that you feel us!