If you got to choose....

[gwendolyn]

Thank you all so much for your input! I was curious to see if, in this sort of situation, if it was easy or more difficult for you all to decide which you''d prefer, since I couldn''t. You''ve all made good points, so thank you for taking the time to respond!

Date: 3/9/2009 5:40:31 PM
Author: katamari
I voted to wait, but only because I know how how confident you are in your and J''s relationships is--it is only a matter of when and not if anymore, and that would be good enough for me (especially if it is only 6-9 months). But, I will be interested to see what he decides!


If I were you, though, I would see if you could order the ring to your family''s house in the U.S. and have them ship it to you to save on international taxes and fees. Is this a possibility?

The taxes (which are the main thing since they''re either a hefty 15% or 17.5%) are paid upon arrival in the country and must be paid if the ring is to be insured (which is sure as heck will be!). Others have suggested picking it up in the US and wearing it back into the UK, but that would be tax evasion (which is decidedly illegal) and again wouldn''t allow me to insure the ring. As for the shipping charges alone, they''d be about the same price whether the jeweler was shipping it or my folks. The only ways to ''save'' on international taxes is to not live internationally or break the law, neither of which are options currently.

And aye, I''ll be interested to see what he decides too!

 

[FrekeChild]

Do you get any say in the diamond if he decides to go that route?

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/10/2009 3:47:58 AM
Author: FrekeChild
Do you get any say in the diamond if he decides to go that route?

Oh yes yes yes, I would get a 100% say in the diamond if he decides to save up for the ring now--he knows that I know heaps more about rocks than he does, that I want the best bang for our buck and that we can double and triple check our choice of stones here on PS and be all but guaranteed to get a winner. So, yeah, I''d definitely be involved.

When we first talked about this seriously a week ago and I handed over the heirloom ring to him, I asked him to please let me know if he decided to save up so that I wouldn''t be sat staring at the ring box (it''s in a Tiffany pouch in a Tiffany box on his nightstand) for months on end, wondering what the deal was. We''ll be saving money regardless whenever we can (and he''s been working extra weekend shifts to bring in more money), so it''s not like just the fact that there *is* money saved means anything.

It''s funny, for the longest time I didn''t think I''d be sitting around waiting until after we''d bought the ring and I knew it was in the flat or something. It feels really weird to know that it could be a matter of days (my birthday is Thursday), weeks, months or even close to a year. My guess is that it wouldn''t be that long because I don''t think he wants to wait that long, but who knows? He might surprise me yet.

There''s also another aspect that, if I get a good tax refund, the saving for the dream ring might not be as far off as I think.... How fab would THAT be?!

 

[Deelight]

Whatever J decides I am so excited , I hope you get a massive tax return as well.

 

[Clairitek]

Have you shared in any place on PS what this heirloom ring is like? You say Tiffany??

I look forward to seeing how this turns out! #3 might be off the list in no time.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/10/2009 6:07:37 AM
Author: Deelight
Whatever J decides I am so excited , I hope you get a massive tax return as well.

Thanks! Me too.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/10/2009 8:11:14 AM
Author: Clairitek
Have you shared in any place on PS what this heirloom ring is like? You say Tiffany??


I look forward to seeing how this turns out! #3 might be off the list in no time.

Oh! No no, the heirloom (alas) isn''t from Tiffany--my Tiff bag and box are the only ring holders I have here (recently moved to another country so all my little bits and bobs are back in the US in storage). My heirloom ring is posted somewhere in SMTR but it''s not very impressive--about half a carat (which looks like nothing on my big size 9 fingers) with a couple of sidestones on either side. It''s a round in a square setting with lots of metal around it and big prongs. In some ways it''s nice because it''s a fairly average size diamond for England, so I wouldn''t feel self-conscious about it being too small for me, but when I get my ring, I want the diamond to be larger so it looks more in proportion with my finger.

As I''ve said before, it''s not my style of ring, but it''s special to me because my grandmother wore it her whole life and she meant the world to me. I am not in love with the ring, but I think it would be lovely to use it for the time being until we can get my ring, if J doesn''t want to wait to get engaged.

 

[Bliss]

Gwendolyn! Wow! You could be engaged this week! Or in weeks! Or in months! Who knows?

What an exciting time! You have two great options. Hey, maybe you could have the best of both worlds. Your idea is perfect with the tax refund situation. You get engaged soon with the heirloom ring and around tax time, you can buy your ring with your tax refund money!

I have a feeling J won''t want to wait. You''ve been keeping the boy waiting to marry you for so long! Then again, a MIW might have a big surprise for you down the road...

WOW! Soon, our Gwendolyn is going to be engaged! I''m getting all excited for you!!!

 

[daydreamer]

I voted other. I''d prefer to be proposed to now, but without a ring.

I chose this because there is no way I''d wear a ring I didn''t like and so A and B would essentially mean no ring (now) anyway.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I vote B...the best of both worlds.

 

[daydreamer]

Date: 3/10/2009 1:02:30 PM
Author: daydreamer
I voted other. I''d prefer to be proposed to now, but without a ring.


I chose this because there is no way I''d wear a ring I didn''t like and so A and B would essentially mean no ring (now) anyway.

Clarification - I mean proposal w/o a ring, but saving for your dream ring to buy 6-9 months from now.

I went back and read the thread and I LOVE the idea of proposing with the wedding band. Maybe you could both wear wedding bands during the engagement? Very North European, where both wear engagement bands and the diamond is given at marriage.

 

[gwendolyn]

I did mention the ring swap idea (giving the band for engagement and diamond ring for the wedding) but he wasn''t keen on it. I did try, though!

So, since this is sort of the closest thing that I have to a "what''s going to happen with my proposal" sort of thread, I thought I should mention something that struck me as slightly odd yesterday night when J and I were talking. But I REALLY don''t want to get my hopes up (not even about the proposal really but about my birthday itself, which I don''t want to ruin by thinking maybe J''s going to make a big deal out of it when he doesn''t really generally make a big deal out of anyone''s birthday). So! With that in mind, here is the bit of weirdness...

Me: So you''re not working at the lodge tomorrow night, right? So we can go out to dinner for my birthday?
Him: No, not working tomorrow night. Dinner is fine. And remember, I''m baking you a cake!
Me: I know, that''s lovely.
Him: I may have to go out shopping to pick up some things in the afternoon...
Me: Won''t that be hard if you''re doing your normal work shift during the day?
Him: I took the day off.
Me: You did?! You need the whole day to bake me a cake?
Him: *makes the ''don''t make me tell you more'' face*
Me: That''s going to be one hell of a cake, from floor to ceiling!

So, he took my birthday off. This can mean (as I see it) one of three things:

1. He is going to spend the day prepping for my birthday by baking a cake, maybe getting flowers, and possibly setting the stage to propose.
2. He is going to spend the day waiting for a delivery of something, quite possibly a new bed which just *might* be my birthday present (we''ve wanted a new one for aaaaages and he said something about getting a bed or something else for my birthday maybe and I was just like, ''no way, they''re too expensive'' and moved on).
3. He is a bit lame and really took the entire day off of work in order to bake me a cake.

Now, my money is on number 2 honestly because I think he''s too practical to think of taking the whole day off in order to prep to propose or just surprise me with flowers or other birthday somethings, but a delivery would *require* him to take the whole day off. BUT, I don''t want to ''expect'' such a big gift. A birthday card came for me today from his parents (strangely with a date stamp from our area, not theirs, but whatever) and there was no mention of anything implying that they had gone in with James on a gift for me--I was sort of hoping his mum would give it away and say, ''hope you enjoy the half of the bed we got you'' or something but no such luck.

Anyway, to me birthdays are HUGE and I always hope people are planning big wonderful elaborate surprises for me and they (almost) never are, so it''s probably just my imagination playing tricks on me. James also has this habit of looking like he''s scheming and planning and stuff when he isn''t at all (or, more likely, I have the habit of seeing things that aren''t there

), so it''s probably absolutely NOTHING. We (as mentioned previously) don''t have much money, so I don''t expect anything big...but I can''t help but wonder.

 

[fieryred33143]

I''m doing a very silent happy dance for you. That''s all I''m going to say *coughcoughOMGcoughcough*

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/11/2009 1:49:03 PM
Author: fieryred33143
I''m doing a very silent happy dance for you. That''s all I''m going to say *coughcoughOMGcoughcough*

Hahah!

Thanks, sweetie. I honestly would be shocked out of my skin if J took the day off to prepare to propose--it just doesn''t seem like something he''d do to me. Not that I know how he''ll do it, but I keep thinking he isn''t going to go bonkers and will just have it in his pocket and say sweet things one day/night and that''ll be that.

Of course, I''d be absolutely fine if he wanted to make a bigger deal out of it, but I just don''t get the feeling he''s going to do that. And that''s fine too! As long as he says sweet things and asks the question...

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 3/11/2009 1:49:03 PM
Author: fieryred33143
I''m doing a very silent happy dance for you. That''s all I''m going to say *coughcoughOMGcoughcough*

Ditto.....Girl he''s been waiting for HOW LONG to propose?! You''ve given him the option, and I don''t think he''s going to be waiting all that much longer!!!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/11/2009 1:56:05 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 3/11/2009 1:49:03 PM

Author: fieryred33143

I''m doing a very silent happy dance for you. That''s all I''m going to say *coughcoughOMGcoughcough*

Ditto.....Girl he''s been waiting for HOW LONG to propose?! You''ve given him the option, and I don''t think he''s going to be waiting all that much longer!!!

Well, yeah, there *is* that...

 

[ladypirate]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

*DUST DUST DUST DUST DUST*

I hope it''s the bed AND that he proposes to you in it.

 

[FrekeChild]

LMAO at LP!!!!! NICE!!!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/11/2009 2:08:32 PM
Author: ladypirate
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!


*DUST DUST DUST DUST DUST*


I hope it''s the bed AND that he proposes to you in it.

Hahahahhaa!!!!

Oh man, if only he read this board for ideas...

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 3/11/2009 2:11:52 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 3/11/2009 2:08:32 PM
Author: ladypirate
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!


*DUST DUST DUST DUST DUST*


I hope it''s the bed AND that he proposes to you in it.

Hahahahhaa!!!!

Oh man, if only he read this board for ideas...

Maybe he does

Hi J

We think you''re awesome

Thanks for keeping our Gwen happy

Hurry up and propose so we can have a PS party

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 3/11/2009 2:18:15 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 3/11/2009 2:11:52 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 3/11/2009 2:08:32 PM
Author: ladypirate
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

*DUST DUST DUST DUST DUST*

I hope it''s the bed AND that he proposes to you in it.

Hahahahhaa!!!!

Oh man, if only he read this board for ideas...

Maybe he does

Hi J

We think you''re awesome

Thanks for keeping our Gwen happy

Hurry up and propose so we can have a PS party

Yeah! J, we think you''re totally awesome (not to mention incredibly patient), and we can''t wait for you to propose!!!

 

[gwendolyn]

Hahah! I think I''m going to have to show him this thread!

 

[Dreamgirl]

OOOOOOO this has become incredibly exciting!!!!

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 3/11/2009 3:11:00 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Hahah! I think I''m going to have to show him this thread!

DO IT!!!!!

Hi J!!!!!!!!!! (Give Gwennie a hug for me will you? You''ve got a great lady there!!!)

 

[gwendolyn]

Hahaha, ok, I have GOT to tell you ladies this--it's too funny. Not so sure about whether I'm getting a bed or not, but there's definitely something going on...

He was at work until late so I was in bed when he got home last night. We talked a bit about random stuff, and he asks me if I want my present first thing in the morning or when I get home from work, so that's why I think there probably isn't a delivery of a bed or anything coming today (since he wouldn't have had it first thing this morning). Anyway, we kept talking (I said I wanted to wait until after work) and then he goes:

Him: So, do you like....champagne? (subtle, isn't he? hehehe)
Me: ...sometimes, I've not had it that much. Usually just for special occasions like New Year's Eve.
Him: Hmm.
Me: You're in luck, because I prefer the cheap stuff because it's sweeter.

(few minutes of other conversation)

Him: Am I supposed to ask your parents for permission? (any hope of secrecy went out the window here haha)
Me: ...well, I don't really like the word 'permission' but if you wanted to ask them for a blessing or just tell them your plans, that's fine, but I don't need you to do it.
Him: Well, BIL did it for my sister...but Other BIL didn't...
Me: Honestly, it doesn't matter to me. I think both my parents are expecting us to just tell them we're engaged--my mom thinks, every time I talk to her, that that's going to be the first thing I tell her.
Him: Hmm.

It was dark so he couldn't see, but I had a HUGE grin on my face by this point. Just too cute that he asked me that stuff, hehe!

So, yeah. If not today, then I think really pretty soon.

 

[LaraOnline]

He sounds like such a sweetie. And why not? It's obvious that you're a super-nice girl.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 3/12/2009 7:52:08 AM
Author: LaraOnline
He sounds like such a sweetie. And why not? It''s obvious that you''re a super-nice girl.

Thank you, Lara my dear! He really is so incredibly sweet and giving. I''m really excited! I can''t stop smiling, and it hasn''t even happened yet!

 

[Deelight]

I can''t wait till this happens , I am really excited for you Gwenie

 

[Bia]

 

[fieryred33143]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY