I tried on dresses today!

[robbie3982]

I told my mom and she''s not seeming to love the price

. I even told her how much cheaper it is here than where she is and that it includes alterations. She keeps reminding me that my cousin got a dress for less than $200 and that she heard of someone in town who hemmed a wedding dress for $50. Ugh. I don''t think she gets that just because lots of dresses look good, that doesn''t mean that just any old one can be THE dress. Then she says, "head pieces are expensive and you might think that''s more important than the dress"

seriously??? I''m definitely more concerned with the dress.

Well, we''re still going to the appointment tomorrow morning and she says she''ll keep an open mind, but now it''s looking like this dress might not happen

 

[fatafelice]

Whoa! Back the truck up! I don''t know what your budget situation is, but that dress is certainly reasonably priced, especially considering that it is THE dress for you. Do you think it would help if she saw you in it in person? Because you should not have to give up on that dress.

Now, this may ruffle a few feathers, and keep in mind that I am being a crazy person in relation to my dress, so I may not be the best reference, BUT I just don''t think $200 dollars is a reasonable amount of money to expect to spend on a ball-gown style wedding dress. For a simple sheath? Yes. But something with boning, detail, and a train? No. And as far as alterations go, we aren''t just talking about a simple hem that can be done for 50 bucks. You might need to have the dress taken in. And it will need to be bustled. Those kinds of things add up. Having all that included in the price just makes YOUR dress a better deal.

Furthermore (can you tell I really want you to have that dress?), if we follow standard rules, where a gown and accessories are 10% of the overall budget, your dress fits into a budget of 10k or greater. Again, perfectly reasonable. Are your parents paying for everything?

Okay, I''ve said my piece. I just hope that you can talk to your mom and convince her that you NEED this dress.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 8/25/2006 12:25:05 PM
Author: fatafelice
you NEED this dress.

I agree 100%

Okay ... perhaps, in the meantime, you should do some casual online searches of those bridal liquidators. My hints: find the style #, and type the style # and the manufactuers name into a google search for "images" ... see if any bargain sites come up ... if not ... keep searching Google "web" or Froogle.

Go to "The Knot" .. search for references to "sample sale" dresses or pre-owned dresses. Scour the countryside until you have this dress at a price your Mom will agree to (or SOMEONE will agree to - even if it''s your own savings account)

Especially if the other dresses you''re considering are $700-ish ... I mean, PULEEZE ... or you could kick in the $175 difference.

Ya know ... people always hear stores about the $200 dress - but I bet things will be different when she''s actually IN the STORE & seeing the other dresses/prices stuff. When you look at the $200 dress IN PERSON ... ya see WHY it''s $200.

GOOD LUCK!! Sending "Get The Dress" vibes your way!!!

 

[robbie3982]

I should give you my mom's phone # FF

. We haven't really sat down to discuss budgets yet, but my parents went to look at reception places and talked to a wedding planner a while before we were engaged (it was really weird. i hadn't even told them that we were looking at rings or that we were planning on getting married in the near future) and the package that they liked was about $10,000. I think it was pretty much an all inclusive package for the reception. My mom also mentioned something to me once about maybe they could pay for their side of the family, FI's family could pay for his side and we could pay for our friends. I think it broke down to $60 something a person and about 150 people (which I think is all we'll even invite).

We haven't talked about money at all with FI's family yet and I don't know if they plan on contributing at all. I have this horrible fear that the subject is going to get brought up the first time our families meet (yeah they live less than 20 minutes from eachother, heck, two of his older siblings even live two streets over from my parents, and they've never met) and it'll turn into a big fight a la Ross and Emily's wedding on Friends.

I'm really hoping that it will help for her to see it in person tomorrow, but I don't know. It'll be the first one she sees, so maybe that will help her not like the other dresses that I'll try on later in the day.

My cousin who got the under $200 dress likes very simple things. I'm sure that this dress is not very full and has very little detail. She would never choose something with a lot of volume and detail. It's just not her style.

My mom seems to be more concerned about making it perfect for everyone else there. Hello

isn't this MY wedding??? I'd rather have everyone eating (insert lower quality steak) than filet mingnon if it means I can have my dress! Maybe I'm being a brat, but good food + perfect dress is way better than perfect food + good dress.

We have some pretty wealthy relatives who have recently had some pretty crazy expensive bar/bat mitzvahs for their kids and I think my mom might feel like she has to compete with that, but I don't feel like it's a competition.

I WANT MY DRESS

ETA: Thanks for the vibes Deco. I think my mom wants to keep it more like $500, but the ones that I like seem to be closer to $700 at least.

 

[fatafelice]

I can talk to her and tell her how much I am spending on my dress...I''m sure it would make her feel much better!

 

[sumbride]

In 20 years, scratch that... 5 years.... your friends won''t have a clue what they ate at your reception or what your flowers looked like, but you''ll always have the memory of what it felt like to wear the perfect dress and you''ll still have the photos to show off. The price on this dress is very reasonable and I hope your mom can see that. Maybe you should show her more expensive dresses that aren''t as pretty? My sister''s dress was $1200 16 years ago! And no way should you spend more on your headpiece than your dress! Not unless you''re going for something simple! As for the $200 dress, you get what you pay for. Seriously.

I''d mail you a check before I would be ok with your mom not letting you get that dress!!! That dress was made for you! Maybe if we all took up a collection...

 

[robbie3982]

What would I do without my pricescope ladies??? You guys have a knack for making me feel so much better. When FI and I got engaged he asked what I was going to do with so much free time now that I won''t be on here all the time. I was like what do you mean? There''s a whole other board for brides planning their wedding!

 

[mercoledi]

I''m sorry your mom is causing so much drama. $875 for a beautiful embellished ballgown from a real designer really is a great deal. Especially if it''s silk, well made, etc. I know plenty of women who will pay that for a good knock-off!

I''m with the crowd here, it''s not reasonable to get a nice ballgown for $500. And that gown looks like it was made for you.

If she''s going to hardline it though, maybe you could pay the difference over $500? Or if you''re a sample size, you could see if the store (or any store) will sell you the sample at a discount.

There are also a few places you can email/submit web forms to get quotes for the gown. Some of these places are fairly legit (RK bridal, pearl''s place) and sell gowns mail-order for usually 30-something percent off. Some are totally sketchy (bridesave, house of brides, netbride) and your dress might not come the right color, size, etc. You could get the quotes (I doubt they''ll be much better than your local shop can do for you) and show them to your mom.

One last note about your local store, if you make a deposit on the gown, you should get something in writing about the alterations being included, and precisely which alterations they mean. I know of more than one (upstanding, snotty) place that always says alterations are included, then tacks them on the bill anyway and pretends nothing''s wrong.

 

[Gypsy]

Hrumph!.

Reasonable is relative when it comes to money. And everyone has priorities when it comes to weddings. Some people go all out for food and alcohol and get a simple sheath gown for a couple hundred bucks. If your mom has different priorities than you do... well, you need to talk about that. It is your wedding. But it''s her money. If after tomorrow she still feels that the dress is priced too high I would do a couple of things. First, I would find out what her max budget is. Second, I would tell her that if I choose a dress above that amount, I would make up the difference. And I would.Third, it''s a Jasmine gown. Call Pearls and RK. Get their price for the gown. Then have your mother call around and find out how much average alterations cost for gowns (250 is standard in my area). Finally, sit down and decide whether you will order from the shop or online... which is less expensive?

And I REALLY would ask the woman inthe shop-- with your mother there... to do better on the price of the gown. So she sees you trying.

I flat out told a woman that I could get the gown I was trying on for 500 bucks less online. She thought about it and said, "I can work out a similiar price with you." (they didn''t provide alterations built into the price of the gown) You won''t know till you ask. Of course it helps to go in armed with the information already.


Good luck! That really is the right gown for you! And keep us updated.

 

[SoonIHope]

I agree - you HAVE to find a way to get your dress!!!!!!

I went nearly $1,000 over budget on my dress (

that sounds so bad) so I am all about justifying it if you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO have the ONE dress that''s perfect for you!!!! Everyone''s suggestions above sound like great ideas - see if you can get a lower price, and offer to pay the difference above $500 (or for the whole thing if that would be feasible) then your mom doesn''t have a reason to complain! Your dress is SO integral to how you FEEL on your wedding day, that I think it''s really one area where you have to follow your heart (as long as your heart isn''t set on a $10,000 gown...

) because otherwise, no matter how perfect the food and the flowers are, you''re just not going to FEEL like a bride, you know? FIND A WAY to make it work!!!!!!!

 

[E B]

Robbie,

This online retailer has it for $680.00. You''d have to order it online (do you know your size in wedding gowns?) but it''s quite a bit less than what the boutique quoted you.

Jasmine C868

 

[AmberWaves]

Robbie, I''ve beeb AWOL lately, but I totally agree you make that dress look fabulous! It just GOES with you. It''s not even a case of, yeah, you look good in it, IT looks good on YOU. Do what you can to get it. I agree with Gypsy, arm yourself with knowledge!

 

[robbie3982]

OMG!!! IT''S $550 +$12 SHIPPING FROM PEARL''S!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

 

[Gypsy]

Okay so now you know. When you go tomorrow, have them measure you for it. Tell them you need to think about it, but would like to just be able to call in a card number and order the gown, instead of going back in. Then you'll know what size to order.

BTW.. if it's 550 from pearls.... then you should be able to get them down on thier 'alterations included' price to about 750-- not including tax. IMO.

 

[Kerbear560]

Yay!!! I''m late here, but I just wanted to say that that dress looks fan-freaking-tastic on you! I''m glad that you were able to find it for such a great price! You HAVE to wear that dress!

 

[robbie3982]

I couldn''t wait until tomorrow, so I went and tried it on again today and took more pics

 

[robbie3982]

and here''s a much better one of the back

 

[RoseAngel04]

Yay Robbie!! Your dress looks great on you!!! We share the same engagement dress, I purchased my dress last night, and now you''ve found yours!!! Too crazy! It''s nice to have the dress decision out of the way though.

 

[Gypsy]

That is DEFINITELY your dress. Looks stunning on you. Better than on the model. Any news on the mom situation?

 

[bee*]

You really have to get that dress-It looks AMAZING on you-really beautiful!

 

[robbie3982]

This weekend did not go well

. My mom doesn''t like the dress (It''s not flattering especially accross the chest, she doesn''t like the tafetta and organza combination, etc. etc.). After saying all that she adds, "but it''s your wedding. Get what you want." I''m so upset

. How can I get a dress that my mom won''t think I look beautiful in??? We went to a few places on Saturday and another one today. There was one that I kind of liked, but I''m just not getting the it''s the one feeling.

So today, on the way home from the store with my mom and my sister, my mom and I got into a huge fight. She kept trying to talk to me and I kept giving her one word answers because I didn''t feel like talking to her, but didn''t feel like fighting either. I''m really upset about her not liking the dress. I''m upset that this whole dress shopping experience isn''t anything like I thought it was going to be (I always pictured getting to go everywhere with my friends and everyone just knowing when it was the dress and having a great time looking). I''m upset that my parents won''t even give me a ball park budget of what we can do for everything else, but expect me to start looking into reception places (why, so I can fall in love with something only to find out later that it''s too much???).

My mom said that she felt like I was using her and only wanted her to pay for the wedding and that I was treating her like garbage. I don''t think I said or did anything mean. I wasn''t really talking in the car and she said I was giving her the silent treatment, but I wasn''t ignoring her. I was upset and didn''t want to talk. The fight ended as we pulled into my driveway with me screaming, "Fine I don''t even want to have a wedding anymore! We''ll just elope and NO ONE will come!" slamming the door and then getting into FI''s car which was heading down the street just a bit behind ours.

I spent the next half an hour or so bawling in the car with FI trying to convince him that there was no way I could go have dinner with his parents, but he eventually got me to calm down, I fixed my makeup to the point of looking semi-presentable and we went inside.

I like FI''s parents, but am not anywhere near close enough to them that I would want to talk about what had just happened with my mom so I sat there pretending like nothing happened while his mom asked lots of questions about the wedding and dress shopping

.

I''m so upset.

 

[upgrading mama]

robbie,
I have been following the thread but haven''t commented yet.
I agree, that of all the dresses you posted, this Jasmine looks perfect on you!!!

I also can relate to how your dress search has gone. While I love my mother very much, I knew that dress shopping would not be good for us. We do not have any where near similar taste in clothing.. never have. I knew she would want me trying on dresses I thought were gross. I humored her a couple of times, but I ultimately chose the one I felt was perfect for me. She did eventually like mine, too but w definately had many "it makes you look fat" or "it squashes your boobs" moments....eek

Is there any way you can chip in for the dress, if that will be a determining factor?? I hope that after some time to cool down you guys will figure it out.

I think it will be very important for you guys to at least come up with a ''ballpark'' budget so you don''t go out blindly trying to put things together...

And just remember, this wedding is a celebrating of your love between you and your fiance, and because of that, it will be perfect.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Gypsy]

Oh honey. See. This is why we are paying for everything ourselves. No one gets a say that... except us. I thought it was especially flattering around your chest area... it slims your waist and gives you an hourglass figure. But well... she''s entititled to her opinion.

Here''s the thing. You guys REALLY REALLY need to talk. Like adults, without things ending in screaming dramatic fits. They have to give you a tentative budget to work with, an idea of the number of guests they are expecting, and a clear idea of their vision for the day (thier priorities). Then you need to talk to them about your vision (your priorities) and find a compromise. Then you can go, research things and come back with numbers and sit down and work out a firm budget.

If you can''t do that... this whole thing is going to be a nightmare. Either you and your FI will have to have a small private event that the two of you can afford without any help... or you''ll have to put up with this every step of the way.

Personally there is no way I could plan a wedding with someone else paying.. unless that person literally dropped the $$ in my lap and left the rest up to me.

 

[sumbride]

Oh, hon, I''m sorry. That sounds like a horrible day. Hugs to you. Are you the oldest or only in your family? I think mom might be showing a little too much "I''m losing my little girl" attitude here. I hope you can sit down and talk with her about how you felt when she made those comments and what you want out of your wedding. She needs to understand that the dress is very personal and is, in the end, your decision. I get the "fairy tale moment" that you wanted to have, where she would just melt and throw her hands up happily when she saw you in that dream of a dress, but life never manages to work out that way, does it. I still think that dress is perfect for you and I don''t know how to make her see it other than to try on really hideous dresses that look awful and let her compare!

As for the rest of it, I agree with Gypsy... you need to have a talk about budgets before you can really plan anything else.

I started looking around at places before I knew our budget and was horrified, but it gave me a chance to sort of ballpark what it would cost and my mom suprised me and gave me what I feel is a very generous budget without demands. Of course, due to tax issues, we decided that if she was paying for it, she needed to actually write most of the checks rather than shuffling it to me, and that helped me make the decision to have it in her town... so she can physically pay the bills, but I''m still making most of the decisions. I don''t know how well it will work, but when I called up and said "found the photographer, need a $1000 check tomorrow for the deposit," she said "YEA! He''s great!" But I would have had no idea how to do this without a ballpark figure from her. We still don''t know if FI''s mom will contribute more than the Rehearsal dinner but we''re not counting on it. If she does it will be a nice surprise. My point here is you can allocate funds you don''t know you have. She needs to figure out what she can do so you can figure out what you can do!

 

[RoseAngel04]

Date: 8/27/2006 10:03:08 PM
Author: robbie3982
This weekend did not go well

. My mom doesn't like the dress (It's not flattering especially accross the chest, she doesn't like the tafetta and organza combination, etc. etc.).

My mom said that she felt like I was using her and only wanted her to pay for the wedding and that I was treating her like garbage. I don't think I said or did anything mean. I wasn't really talking in the car and she said I was giving her the silent treatment, but I wasn't ignoring her. I was upset and didn't want to talk. The fight ended as we pulled into my driveway with me screaming, 'Fine I don't even want to have a wedding anymore! We'll just elope and NO ONE will come!' slamming the door and then getting into FI's car which was heading down the street just a bit behind ours.

I'm so sorry Robbie!! I agree with everyone else in that the dress very much flattered your chest/waist area. Your Mom is entitled to her own opinion, but I understand that in a way it's breaking your heart that your Mom isn't in love with the dress the way you are. Do you feel like this is *the dress*? If you do, then I would just calmly sit down with your Mom and explain to her that this is the dress that you feel is right for you, and that your sorry she doesn't love it the way you do. In the end it is YOUR day, and your should look the way you want in the dress you want.

On the budget thing I understand where you are coming from. Ever since my fiance proposed I have wanted to set the venue etc to get the ball rolling. I go back to school after labor day and know that I will be so much busier then than I am now. Our budget isn't HUGE, but my parents will provide the best they can, and I know that. FI and I will help make the wedding ends meet where we can, but it can be very stressful to worry about money issues. We also went through the "let's just elope" stage...and anything honestly still could happen, but I have always dreamed of having a wedding with my family/friends there. It's also been a challenge bc both my parents and FI's grew up where they married in a church and had a small cake/punch recpetion following. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that, for it IS all about the ceremony, but times have changed and again it's not what I always dreamed of. I have already given myself a reality check in realizing we won't be having this outlandish wedding, but I'm OK with that. Sorry to ramble...

I just hope that you can make things right with your Mom. It sounds like you both let your emotions get the best of you. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 8/27/2006 10:03:08 PM
Author: robbie3982
How can I get a dress that my mom won''t think I look beautiful in???

Not to minimize your obvious distress but ... above question? Answer: HAPPILY, that is, if it''s the dress YOU think YOU look beautiful in.

a) a lot of Moms have HORRIBLE/outdated taste
b) some Moms are jealous and actually sabotage their daughter subconciously
c) it''s time to stop relying on Mom''s opinion & give yourself more credit

Welcome to wedding planning! Let the games begin! I can''t even tell you how grateful I am that my parents just sent us a check & said do what you want. It helps that I''m the third daughter to get married, and that I''m 38, and that I live many hundreds of miles away & that they''d probably given up on me ever gettin hitched and are like WHATEVER it takes to make this HAPPEN!

But I know that these SAME parents, at least my mom, micro-managed my two "in-state" sisters quite a bit & did some "I dunno" about the budget #s because they didn''t really know "the drill". Had no idea how much things cost these days etc etc. It may take awhile & some patience & subtle, mature guidence from you to get them up to speed & realize why things like BUDGET ESTIMATES are so important.

Don''t give up hope yet, on having a wedding or "the dress". But I''d advise ya to remember that you get more flies with honey! There are ways to respectfully disagree without pouting. CONFIDENCE and FIRM AUTHORITY are key components to this strategy.

Possible examples:

"I respect your opinion, Mom, and I''m heartbroken that you don''t love the dress as much as I do, but I really think this is "the one". I feel kicky & gorgeous & sexy in THIS ONE, like NO OTHER. Will you support my decision?"

"I''ve done some research and most weddings these days in our area cost about XXXX. With XXX toward the location, XXXX toward the reception, XXX toward flowers/entertainment/clothing. Would you please look over these sites/links/articles (whatever you find as "backup" material) ... think about it & let me know in a week or so, if you & dad plan to contribue, how much we should plan for?"

In my experience, you have to ask for what you want. And asking nicely, respectfully, confidently, with charm and finesse works ALOT better than reverting to "entitlement" and pouting and acting out. EVEN if the other party is doing all of those things!

Ya just need to get past the shock & sadness of this initial collision of reality & fantasy!

**HUGS**

 

[robbie3982]

Well, I talked to my mom and everything''s ok between us. I''m going to hold off on getting the dress, though I still think it may be the one, since I do have a lot of time still (we haven''t even set the date yet). It''s not like it''s on sale or anything, so there''s no reason to buy it just yet. Maybe it won''t sell well and if I wait till the spring line comes out it''ll be discontinued and on sale...

 

[robbie3982]

Here''s one dress that I liked in Pittsburgh, but I still think I like the other one better. I really need to learn what to do with my arms in these pictures.

 

[robbie3982]

back

 

[robbie3982]

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