I just wanna say -- the random comments thread

[rainydaze]

Cozy, it felt awful reading your post. Your husband has not been treating you with love. All I can think of to say is that I'm sorry. I feel your hurt. (Makes sense that you would be more sensitive to the silly, immature comments of your students... you're not exactly getting support and kindness at home which would leave anyone a bit raw.)

 

[Cozystitches]

I don’t know what happened with your bracelet..but I’ve had issues with my husband early on in my marriage concerning presents I couldn’t wear because the jewelry was hideous...so I’m thinking it must be like that. I got a Norman Rockwell calendar one year instead of jewelry because he was so offended. I am much older than you so this happened a long time ago...but it really hurt me..I hope you guys can talk it out..

Thanks Mamabean! LOL we've been married for 20 years, so we've had some challenges and such. <3

@Cozystitches, sending you a big hug. I've dealt with a husband who had some definite issues (throwing things when mad, making mean comments) and it kind of slowly chips away at your spirit. In our case he didn't realize it wasn't normal behavior (learned from MIL) and also didn't realize the impact it had on me until I threatened to leave. Well he got help and I got help and now things are much better, I am no longer afraid to speak up and he is very self aware now and most importantly he never meant to hurt me.

Definitely consider talking to him so he knows how you feel, maybe he doesn't realize the effect these comments have.

Thanks StephanieLynn

Cozy, it felt awful reading your post. Your husband has not been treating you with love. All I can think of to say is that I'm sorry. I feel your hurt. (Makes sense that you would be more sensitive to the silly, immature comments of your students... you're not exactly getting support and kindness at home which would leave anyone a bit raw.)

Thanks Rainydaze I can normally deal with the middle school commentary, but it can get old when getting it at home too.

 

[Cozystitches]

Cozy - it hurt to read about your husband’s recent interactions with you. I’ve been thevrecipient of that kind of sideways anger and passive-aggressive bullshit, and it always hurts. It sounds like whatever is going in your husbands mind could be pretty serious, and I’m sure it’s wearing you down too. I hope he’s able to come clean about what’s really bothering him, and soon. Just speculating here, but you’ve met a lot of big challenges and goals in the past few years. Could his attitude have to do with fears or jealousy around that?

This resonated with me. He did just get rejected for a job that he was really interested in. Your comment makes sense. I did mention the comment from this morning and he was all confused as to what he said...sigh. Growing up sarcasm was heavily laden with truth, so it's been a challenge for a while. Thank you for responding

 

[missy]

Warning: Pity party ahead

So, its a long story. Started last year maybe before then....you may remember that my hubs bought a Louis Vuitton bracelet was for valentines/birthday. Long story, too thin/dainty, not something I had EVER asked for or hinted at wanting, had to be returned after much anxiety/tears on my end. Fast forward, Christmas time, he asks what I want. So I send him an email. The thing I want (fancy hand made quilting hoop) is pricey (like $200) and I said in my email, that was the only thing I wanted, but was fine if I didn't get anything (or even just a here's $50 toward your thing). Christmas morning, nothing under the tree (ok, wasn't really expecting anything), kids all open presents, he turns to me kind of snarky well you're thing won't be here for like months, I hope you're happy. WTF So I'm both super excited because he actually ordered what I wanted, but super upset because why the hell the snarky comment? Later on he says that's for your birthday, valentines, and basically everything for the year. I speak up because he had JUST spent a lot more on a gun and watch for himself. I remind him of my SHITTY 40th birthday last year. Fast forward again to this week. He buys me a mug off Amazon for my birthday (which was yesterday), super cute, right? Until he says to me later last night that he hopes I'm happy that he got me a present and essentially he bought it so I wouldn't be mad at him. WTF again. He has no problem buying something for a co-worker because it made him think of them, but apparently not me. Yesterday I get to hear the crap from several middle schoolers about how old I am (were you there w/the dinosaurs, how many times have you seen Jupiter orbit the sun, etc). This is typical crap, and most days I can deal with it. This morning really set me off. We're doing spirit week at school. I'm dressed in 50s garb and try to pin my hair back on one side w/a flower. I've spent quite a bit of time getting ready. I come out, and I get the comment that some styles shouldn't be brought back. I am just so hurt. He doesn't comment about how I look (good or bad typically) and then to say this. I don't feel supported, I feel knocked down on a regular basis. Lots of things are said sarcastically and this has always been the case, we have bantered back and forth forever, however I feel that it's been getting worse and worse.

Sorry this is long, but today has just sucked. I cried on the way to work today and crying again. This just sucks.

@Cozystitches that sucks and I'm so sorry honey. You deserve much better. Kids are kids and that's one thing but your dh that's inexcusable. A heart to heart to get to the root of things might be helpful because that kind of inequity in a marriage can cause resentment to build and fester. Expose it to the light to make it right. Sending you hugs and good thoughts.

 

[lyra]

@Cozystitches I'm so sorry for what you are experiencing with your husband. Has he always been like this? I couldn't live with that kind of passive aggressive behaviour. I mean, I don't know if he thinks he's joking, or if he's actively trying to hurt your feelings. I would explain how it feels to you.

 

[missy]

Time is going so slowly. How come it goes fast when I want it to slow down and it goes slowly when I want it to speed up?

 

[AGBF]

This resonated with me. He did just get rejected for a job that he was really interested in. Your comment makes sense. I did mention the comment from this morning and he was all confused as to what he said...sigh.

I was not following this thread closely and came upon the topic of your husband's unkindness after a lot of postings had already been made about it, Cozystitches.

I thnk lyra and VRBeauty were really on the right track they asked about whether your husband always behaved this way and whether something in his own life might be making him angry and causing him to act out his anger with you.

I would not give up on discussing his loss (the job he wanted) despite his being unable to connect it with his behavior towards you. In fact, I would let some time pass and then bring the job loss up in a different context, one that did not involve his behavior towards you.

I think that your husband may be stinging with humiliation and rage about his loss of opportunity and be unable to find an outlet for it. Who would he be able to turn to to discuss such a blow to his manhood, after all? If you could find a gentle way to allow him to discuss that with you, perhaps he could heal. If he heals, perhaps he will not be so angry and raw with you.

As I do not know your husband, I may be completely wrong, but I thought I would throw my suggestion out there because I do not think offering him your ear would be harmful.

You have my empathy. Other people can make our lives very difficult.

Hugs,
Deb

 

[Cozystitches]

Much love to you all. Still haven't really had a chance to talk w/hubby about the issues. Thank you for your support, kind words, and advice,

 

[missy]

@Cozystitches sending more (((hugs))) and good wishes your way.

 

[the_mother_thing]

I appear to be benefitting from SOOOOO much ‘free rent’ in someone’s head, I could commission a custom-cut, 5+ct CBI.

In the mean time, I am waiting for karma to rear her big, beautiful head ... and pondering potential setting ideas for said CBI.

 

[TooPatient]

This year long project is supposed to be fun and show us that we can do cool things. Maybe push us to learn, expand skills, and have a project to put on resumes. Not this one! The final presentation is in 18 hours. My "teammate" retyped several of my slides then deleted my work. We still haven't decided who is presenting which sections. All of our documents are due in 26 hours and NO ONE has been working on them except me. That is about 100 pages needing updating/editing plus a bunch of additions. Our code is due tomorrow and two people refuse to use GitHub so all of our project is in chunks and needs to be merged into a single project. I have spent all weekend making comments, asking questions, looking for input, and reminding people of these massive (40% of our grades) deadlines. No replies. Not one. Even the adviser doesn't bother to reply. Text, group chat site, and email. Nothing.

I keep working. And working. And working.

This is what I have put up with since September. To make it more interesting, the adviser has given me a 0% on most of my work this quarter despite my doing exactly what she wanted. She told me to my face that she wants to move me on to the last quarter of the project but I'll have to "prove" that I am actually trying. Are you kidding me!?!?!?! All freaking year I have been working on this just to be told to do it again (or having my work deleted and comments made to the adviser that I haven't been working...)

 

[monarch64]

@Cozystitches I don't really follow this thread but for some reason decided to open it and skim through the last couple pages tonight. I just want to tell you that I admire you SO much for all your accomplishments and your sewing, and I am sorry you're not being appreciated and praised in real life the way you deserve to be. It's unfortunate that some people's bitterness and pain comes out in such negative ways and seems meant to derail you. People who cause pain are in pain, in my experience, but that does not excuse their behavior nor give them the right to treat others poorly. Please know that other people think you're amazing and don't ever lose sight of who you are, what you've accomplished, and what you're capable of! Hugs!

 

[Cozystitches]

@monarch64 Thanks, love <3

 

[missy]

This weather is cuckoo. Just got back from a nice long walk but sweating up a storm because it's like (or feels like) 70 degrees F outside. And by Sunday it will be cold again. Feels like we rarely have in between temps these days.

Off to attempt another one armed shower.

 

[GlitterInMyHair]

Dam*it, I wanted this coffee mug, lol.

Of course it's sold out.

 

[Dee*Jay]

TR just referred to David Klass nonchalantly in the course of a conversation we were having.

 

[TooPatient]

TR just referred to David Klass nonchalantly in the course of a conversation we were having.

You are training him well!

 

[missy]

Dam*it, I wanted this coffee mug, lol.

Of course it's sold out.

These are in stock fyi. I know it doesn't have the stick figure on it but thought you might be interested anyway.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/478450...NPMZKM5svuGTAs6dL1jpTU6aFv4DIPzhoCefAQAvD_BwE

 

[GlitterInMyHair]

These are in stock fyi. I know it doesn't have the stick figure on it but thought you might be interested anyway.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/478450...NPMZKM5svuGTAs6dL1jpTU6aFv4DIPzhoCefAQAvD_BwE

Oooh, thank you!

 

[missy]

Oooh, thank you!

You’re welcome!

 

[Dee*Jay]

I just got an offer on my house! It’s a little low but I am hopeful we can work with it. Fingers crossed and a little PS dust please if you’ve got a smidge to spare!

 

[cmd2014]

@Cozystitches, I hope that your DH is just going through something right now and that this expressed contempt towards you isn’t his typical MO. It’s hard to be on the receiving end of it (especially since you work with kids who are at an age where contempt towards adults is a daily state until they grow past it). It must be awful to be getting it at both ends. If it’s a phase, I hope that you can have a heart to heart with DH and sort it out. If it’s his normal MO, I hope you can find the strength to expect better of him, not just for yourself, but for the type of relationship you’d want to be modeled for your kids. I know you will find a path forward.

@TooPatient, gah! We’ve all been there. It’s what gives group work and team projects a bad name. I am also annoyed at your advisor for you! WTF?!? Hoping it all works out.

@Dee*Jay, dust for your house sale.

As for me, this has been a trying time at work. Many things have been happening all at once and while none of them independently would be a huge deal, all of them all at once has been overwhelming. I think I am slowly digging myself out, but I am so, so glad I decided not to bank on relying on the next generation of people in my field to be reliable employees and that after some soul searching I decided to made business choices assuming the worst rather than the best of them, as sadly they have been proving that right of late. This next generation are lovely young people, just not reliable employees, and I am turning my eye to working with more established colleagues now rather than continuing my practice of hiring and training new grads/early career people as I have (happily) done in the past. At this point in my life, I just don’t need the drama of people failing to start jobs they signed contracts for because something more exciting came along (days before the start date), or leaving without notice, or thinking it’s no big deal to blow off clients because (insert weak excuse here - like “I wanted to do x fun thing in my personal life instead”). In speaking with colleagues who are also invested in training and developing early career professionals, I have heard that this is par for the course (the revolving door of employees, the not showing up, the wanting the perks of the big job without having the work ethic to earn it). Part of me is glad to hear that it’s not just me; part of me is sad because paying it back and hiring and mentoring people in their early career was something that I used to love. But honestly I just don’t have the stomach for it with this new group. At the heart of it I’m not prepared to let my years of sacrifice and hard work be undone at this stage by people who don’t seem to understand that it hurts my business when they don’t think things through. So I am letting that go, and moving forward in a different way. Transitions are hard, but I hope it will bring me more joy and less stress in the end.

 

[missy]

Lots of sale dust to you @Dee*Jay

@cmd2014 sending you many good wishes and good luck dust for this next phase of your career. Change is challenging but often rewarding and for the better. Hoping it works out well for you. More joy and less stress.

 

[cmd2014]

Lots of sale dust to you @Dee*Jay

@cmd2014 sending you many good wishes and good luck dust for this next phase of your career. Change is challenging but often rewarding and for the better. Hoping it works out well for you. More joy and less stress.

More joy and less stress would be wonderful! Also, being able to get used to my new progressive lenses would be good too. I’m not having an issue with distance, but the computer and reading is a challenge. I feel like I have to put myself into awkward positions to make it work. (Lots of chin up kind of stuff). It gets easier, right?

 

[missy]

More joy and less stress would be wonderful! Also, being able to get used to my new progressive lenses would be good too. I’m not having an issue with distance, but the computer and reading is a challenge. I feel like I have to put myself into awkward positions to make it work. (Lots of chin up kind of stuff). It gets easier, right?

Do the glasses fit you properly? If they measured you correctly and put the optical centers where they need to be you most likely will adapt. Is this your first pair of progressives? Not everyone can use them but most can. If you are still having issues after another few days go back and have them recheck the Rx and measurements.

Some quick useful tips. HTH.
http://www.nepeanoptometric.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/adjusting-your-new-progressive-lenses.pdf

 

[cmd2014]

Thanks Missy. This is my first pair in years. I tried some about a decade ago and switched to reading glasses because at that point my distance vision was still pretty good. It’s not anymore, sadly. I’ve had them adjusted. I think the issue is that I hold things closer than I’m supposed to for reading and I’m a bit of a chin down posture kind of person, and I’m not used to having to adjust yet to the best position for close up work. I’m finding the reading section is a bit too low (I feel like I have to tilt my chin way up and peer through the very bottom of the lense to see stuff I’m trying to read). After meeting with the optometrist, I have decided to get a workstation pair for work given that on paperwork days I’m spending whole days on the computer and reading. And I’ll keep my existing pair for driving and regular days where distance vision is needed. But I’m only on day 3 so I suspect I’ll get used to them. DH seems to be having an easier time of it though (we both needed them).

 

[Matata]

O.M.G. Getting stuff together to pack for my stepson's wedding next week in Canada and couldn't find my passport. It's the first thing I put away, always in the same place, when I return from a trip. I remember cleaning out the dresser drawer where I store it (damn you Marie Kondo) and nearly fainted at the thought that I'd accidentally thrown it out with a bunch of junk. Major meltdown ensues. Tore the house apart -- travel purse, nada; backpack, nada; carry on suitcase, nada -- all the while thinking I'm going to miss the wedding. Major meltdown part 2 ensues when I see on the State Dept. website that it would be unlikely I'd be able to get an emergency replacement in enough time.

2 meltdowns, a near heart attack, fledgling panic attack and 1,000,000,000,000 deep breaths later, I went through everything again and found it in my carry on bag in an inner hidden pocket. Tears of relief. I have no recollection of putting it there and have never before put it in that pocket and can't imagine what I was thinking putting it there.

I'm self-soothing with wine.

 

[TooPatient]

O.M.G. Getting stuff together to pack for my stepson's wedding next week in Canada and couldn't find my passport. It's the first thing I put away, always in the same place, when I return from a trip. I remember cleaning out the dresser drawer where I store it (damn you Marie Kondo) and nearly fainted at the thought that I'd accidentally thrown it out with a bunch of junk. Major meltdown ensues. Tore the house apart -- travel purse, nada; backpack, nada; carry on suitcase, nada -- all the while thinking I'm going to miss the wedding. Major meltdown part 2 ensues when I see on the State Dept. website that it would be unlikely I'd be able to get an emergency replacement in enough time.

2 meltdowns, a near heart attack, fledgling panic attack and 1,000,000,000,000 deep breaths later, I went through everything again and found it in my carry on bag in an inner hidden pocket. Tears of relief. I have no recollection of putting it there and have never before put it in that pocket and can't imagine what I was thinking putting it there.

I'm self-soothing with wine.

So glad you found it! Definitely calls for some high quality self-soothing.

 

[missy]

So grateful for my DH. For the past 2 weeks I have not been able to do most things due to hand surgery. My DH has been taking such excellent care of me. From shampooing and conditioning my tangly curly hair to vacuuming, laundry, cooking and cutting up my food. He normally does the cooking and laundry but not the other stuff. And he just did washed the sheets at my request (though he just washed them less than a week ago but I just thought wouldn't it be nice...) so we could enjoy crisp clean sheets tonight. And he's working (from home) and it's been a busy work week. Anyway just wanted to put it out there in the universe a big fat thank you to my DH.

 

[cmd2014]

O.M.G. Getting stuff together to pack for my stepson's wedding next week in Canada and couldn't find my passport. It's the first thing I put away, always in the same place, when I return from a trip. I remember cleaning out the dresser drawer where I store it (damn you Marie Kondo) and nearly fainted at the thought that I'd accidentally thrown it out with a bunch of junk. Major meltdown ensues. Tore the house apart -- travel purse, nada; backpack, nada; carry on suitcase, nada -- all the while thinking I'm going to miss the wedding. Major meltdown part 2 ensues when I see on the State Dept. website that it would be unlikely I'd be able to get an emergency replacement in enough time.

2 meltdowns, a near heart attack, fledgling panic attack and 1,000,000,000,000 deep breaths later, I went through everything again and found it in my carry on bag in an inner hidden pocket. Tears of relief. I have no recollection of putting it there and have never before put it in that pocket and can't imagine what I was thinking putting it there.

I'm self-soothing with wine.

Phew! What a relief!