I just wanna say -- the random comments thread

[Dancing Fire]

Thanks gemfever. I hear you on the ebay issue- it's distracting. But not as much as PS is for me haha.

Sorry you are going through this chemgirl.

DF- (That diamond costs much less than the estimate is to fix our backyard .. )

won't your insurance Co. cover the cost?

Not a penny.
The flood insurance covers floods from the outside in to the dwelling and contents but excludes decks/patios/bulkheads/sidewalks specifically.
Our homeowners covers dwelling and contents but excludes any kind of damage caused by floods. Homeowners includes fire, theft, accidents, wind, hurricanes with certain exceptions.

Sad. But thankful no real damage was done to our house. It's just going to be painfully expensive to rebuild our backyard.

missy,sorry to hear this.. .. thank god there was no real damage done to your house...

 

[chemgirl]

OH Missy - that sucks BIG TIME! I'm sorry that you are going to be responsible for rebuilding that gorgeous back yard, at your own cost Bummer! And I totally do the same thing - "what? A generator is $1300? Hey - that could be a XXXXX I just saw on preloved, or on PS!" Oh, I have the very same train of thought when I look at a larger price tag!

DF - Merry Christmas - hope Santa brings you what you are hoping for .... twinkle twinkle, little diamond....

Chemgirl - that is so hard to have all that family stuff piled onto your anniversary. I'm sorry you are going thru all that. Just take a break from involvement with him and know that when you do see him, know he is not a well person. Maybe that may help.... fingers crossed things improve....

Kismet - that must have been a shock to see the tree just 'get up and go' with the garbage!! YIKES!

Thanks Enerchi!

I think the hard part for me at the moment is that this mental break sort of justifies his bad behaviour in the past. Everyone is like "oh, that makes so much sense now." But how far back does it go? He has been behaving erratically lately, but how much of that is him and how much is his mental state?

There was an incident a few weekends ago where we went to his place to help winterize the garden and rake the leaves. It was maybe a few degrees above freezing and he thought it would be a great joke to spray me in the face with the garden hose. I yelled at him and he just laughed and chased me around with it. Funny in the summer, not so much when its cold out! He never apologized and told DH to find a "girlfriend" who can take a joke.

So mental stress or just a jerk? I don't know! I'm still mad about it, but I feel that's just horrible of me.

Thanks for listening!

 

[Enerchi]

Mental health issues can be so challenging to deal with. It tAkes a huge toll on the family members and very easily leads to isolation of either the person or the whole family. It is so hard. Sounds like there could be a variety of factors in this situation- anger, immaturity, MH and could there be any early onset dementia perhaps? I don't envy you the path your on here. If you can focus on supporting your DH that would be wonderful for him. He's probably a mess knowing this is his dad, But not acting like his dad. That's got to be rough I'm sure.

Poor you. Do what you can to support the family but I'd completely limit any contact with FIL directly. Big hugs to you, chemgirl! (((HUGS HUGS HUGS))). Keeping you in my thoughts....

 

[chemgirl]

Mental health issues can be so challenging to deal with. It tAkes a huge toll on the family members and very easily leads to isolation of either the person or the whole family. It is so hard. Sounds like there could be a variety of factors in this situation- anger, immaturity, MH and could there be any early onset dementia perhaps? I don't envy you the path your on here. If you can focus on supporting your DH that would be wonderful for him. He's probably a mess knowing this is his dad, But not acting like his dad. That's got to be rough I'm sure.

Poor you. Do what you can to support the family but I'd completely limit any contact with FIL directly. Big hugs to you, chemgirl! (((HUGS HUGS HUGS))). Keeping you in my thoughts....

That's just it. His dad is acting exactly like he normally does, just a bit worse. DH is the only one who still has his dad's last name, SIL and BIL have both changed to MILS maiden name and have nothing to do with their dad.

FIL has been sued several times by multiple people. He also has been charged criminally in the past. DH has the same name as his father and they have shared a previous address. We have to have an affidavit on file with our lawyer so he can pull it out whenever somebody comes after us for money owed by FIL.

DH didn't speak to his dad for 6 years because FIL drained the kids' education fund to buy a motorcycle (MIL had set up the account, they were still married at that point). Then when they went to apply for financial aid for school FIL"s income was too high so they were all denied funding. DH filed some sort of paperwork saying that his dad was unable to contribute to his education. The financial aid people sent a form to FIL and he was supposed to confirm that he was not contributing to DH's education. Instead he said he was paying for the whole thing and put in fake dollar amounts and everything. DH had to get personal loans to pay for school (cosigned by MIL because FIL didn't want to be on the hook if DH didn't pay). The kicker is that he honestly believes he payed for DH's education! He tells anyone who will listen about how proud he is to have been able to support his son.

Um yeah...summary is he's always been a jerk so I don't know where the line is.

 

[Enerchi]

ooooh..... whole new insight and perspective then! Seems like the whole IL family has pretty much walked away. Why is DH hanging in then? Even after being burned so badly? It is still rough. no matter what, you always want to hold out hope and believe that your parents (relatives/friends/etc.) won't let you down... but they still do.

This is tricky. If it were me, I think for my own mental health, I would have to sever all ties. A little contact is still too much. Its so easy to get 'roped back in' to assisting in some manner. Better to make a clean break and let the wounds heal and see if FIL steps up and acknowledges his issues. Its like the support I got when I attended Al-Anon - you can not control people, places or things!

Good luck Chemgirl - and to your DH as well... I hope things look brighter soon

 

[VRBeauty]

ooooh..... whole new insight and perspective then! Seems like the whole IL family has pretty much walked away. Why is DH hanging in then? Even after being burned so badly? It is still rough. no matter what, you always want to hold out hope and believe that your parents (relatives/friends/etc.) won't let you down... but they still do.

This is tricky. If it were me, I think for my own mental health, I would have to sever all ties. A little contact is still too much. Its so easy to get 'roped back in' to assisting in some manner. Better to make a clean break and let the wounds heal and see if FIL steps up and acknowledges his issues. Its like the support I got when I attended Al-Anon - you can not control people, places or things!

Good luck Chemgirl - and to your DH as well... I hope things look brighter soon

Enerchi brings up a good point re Al-Anon - in the sense that it's something you and/or your DH might want to consider even though your FIL may not be an alcoholic. You're basically dealing with the same issues, what Al-Anoners would recognize as "the isms" - and more importantly, how you respond to them. The groups I attended were always very open - they would welcome anyone who felt they needed to be there. "Adult Children of Alcoholics" groups are similar and specifically geared towards people who are dealing with parents with "isms." In either of these groups, you or DH will find people who have dealt with similar situations.

Good luck!

 

[Enerchi]

ooooh..... whole new insight and perspective then! Seems like the whole IL family has pretty much walked away. Why is DH hanging in then? Even after being burned so badly? It is still rough. no matter what, you always want to hold out hope and believe that your parents (relatives/friends/etc.) won't let you down... but they still do.

This is tricky. If it were me, I think for my own mental health, I would have to sever all ties. A little contact is still too much. Its so easy to get 'roped back in' to assisting in some manner. Better to make a clean break and let the wounds heal and see if FIL steps up and acknowledges his issues. Its like the support I got when I attended Al-Anon - you can not control people, places or things!

Good luck Chemgirl - and to your DH as well... I hope things look brighter soon

Enerchi brings up a good point re Al-Anon - in the sense that it's something you and/or your DH might want to consider even though your FIL may not be an alcoholic. You're basically dealing with the same issues, what Al-Anoners would recognize as "the isms" - and more importantly, how you respond to them. The groups I attended were always very open - they would welcome anyone who felt they needed to be there. "Adult Children of Alcoholics" groups are similar and specifically geared towards people who are dealing with parents with "isms." In either of these groups, you or DH will find people who have dealt with similar situations.

Good luck!

I had my life turn around because of attending this group and it was not alcohol related. I just didn't know where to go for support and they welcomed me with open arms. A person suffering as a result of the actions of others, will always be welcomed in this 'club'! The discussion is not always alcohol related - there is something to take away from EVERY meeting! I would really encourage you go to - just check it out online for a meeting local to you. If you don't click there, there is always another meeting to try out!

Its all about support - where you get it from isn't important, its just getting it, that counts! Good luck, chemgirl! (and plan a special anniversary thing for this weekend - just the two of you, no FIL talk!!)

 

[missy]

ooooh..... whole new insight and perspective then! Seems like the whole IL family has pretty much walked away. Why is DH hanging in then? Even after being burned so badly? It is still rough. no matter what, you always want to hold out hope and believe that your parents (relatives/friends/etc.) won't let you down... but they still do.

This is tricky. If it were me, I think for my own mental health, I would have to sever all ties. A little contact is still too much. Its so easy to get 'roped back in' to assisting in some manner. Better to make a clean break and let the wounds heal and see if FIL steps up and acknowledges his issues. Its like the support I got when I attended Al-Anon - you can not control people, places or things!

Good luck Chemgirl - and to your DH as well... I hope things look brighter soon

Enerchi brings up a good point re Al-Anon - in the sense that it's something you and/or your DH might want to consider even though your FIL may not be an alcoholic. You're basically dealing with the same issues, what Al-Anoners would recognize as "the isms" - and more importantly, how you respond to them. The groups I attended were always very open - they would welcome anyone who felt they needed to be there. "Adult Children of Alcoholics" groups are similar and specifically geared towards people who are dealing with parents with "isms." In either of these groups, you or DH will find people who have dealt with similar situations.

Good luck!

I had my life turn around because of attending this group and it was not alcohol related. I just didn't know where to go for support and they welcomed me with open arms. A person suffering as a result of the actions of others, will always be welcomed in this 'club'! The discussion is not always alcohol related - there is something to take away from EVERY meeting! I would really encourage you go to - just check it out online for a meeting local to you. If you don't click there, there is always another meeting to try out!

Its all about support - where you get it from isn't important, its just getting it, that counts! Good luck, chemgirl! (and plan a special anniversary thing for this weekend - just the two of you, no FIL talk!!)

Great advice Enerchi!!! Good luck chemgirl!

 

[VRBeauty]

Today's charge: reduce the volume of leftovers!

I think I'll start with the leftover stuffing - nom nom nom!

 

[chemgirl]

I want to thank everyone for their thoughtful advice. I just really needed to get that off my chest WITHOUT ranting to DH.

We are currently trying to minimize contact and its helping a lot. At first DH was jumping on mental illness as a possible reason for his dad's behaviour over the years. I can understand why he would be thrilled to find an explanation for it all (even if its not a happy one). His attitude was now that we know what's wrong there's opportunity to treat the problem.

That lasted about a day. Then FIL explained why he freaked out at work. Apparently a WOMAN was promoted ahead of him. How insulting . Nevermind that she's more qualified for the job and has been taking extra training courses on her own time. How outrageous of her. Obviously the only course of action was to get in her face and yell at her until their manager called 911.

He still feels he was in the right. He plans on fighting his termination.

We're all pretty disgusted.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Chemgirl Im sorry you and your DH are going through this. I'm glad that minimizing the contact seems to be helping you both though. What a shocking way to treat a coworker, and to react that way because she is female? Urgh, my heart goes out to you for having to deal with this man.

 

[Enerchi]

Well.... that is just horrid. Wow - FIL is stuck in a time warp that has long since sailed!!

Chemgirl - you are far better off just keeping away from him at this time. He is angry, he feels justified in his anger, there is no rationalizing with him, he may take it out further on you (like the garden hose incident where he felt the need to spray you ) I know this has to be so upsetting for the 2 of you, but the best thing for your own mental health, is to keep your distance until you feel strong enough to deal with him. No deadline on that - just keep the two of you strong and avoid contact. Good luck. Hard situation to be in and ALWAYS feel free to just log on and b*tch to us - we are happy to listen!!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Just ginger, thanks for the dust.

I have an update on my friend! Surgery is finally booked for the 5th of December. They have released her from hospital until then so she can spend some time with her 2 boys (they live in Kalgoorlie, a mining town 6 hours away from Perth) before the op. She wasn't doing so well on the meds (OxyContin + ?), they were making her feel sick and weren't really helping with the pain, so they changed to something else (still morphine based) and she was like a normal person again! No pain, headache or nausea. It was so good to see her up and about after weeks in hospital.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

....and... I hate sleeping with earplugs, but they are my last resort ATM with DH and his snoring!

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

The post numbers are crawling.... Wanna go to sleeeeep

 

[justginger]

The post numbers are crawling.... Wanna go to sleeeeep

I understand that. Laying in bed with my laptop, DH is snoring, cats are snoring, dogs are snoring. I imagine the kittens are snoring in the laundry as well. Just Ginger is not snoring.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

The post numbers are crawling.... Wanna go to sleeeeep

I understand that. Laying in bed with my laptop, DH is snoring, cats are snoring, dogs are snoring. I imagine the kittens are snoring in the laundry as well. Just Ginger is not snoring.

Haha! My dogs are snoring next to me too. I kicked DH out into the living room because I told him there's gonna be a lot of clackity clacking from the typing and the man was snoring like CRAZY!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

The post numbers are crawling.... Wanna go to sleeeeep

I understand that. Laying in bed with my laptop, DH is snoring, cats are snoring, dogs are snoring. I imagine the kittens are snoring in the laundry as well. Just Ginger is not snoring.

I cheated and had a 3 hour cat nap at 9pm.

 

[justginger]

The post numbers are crawling.... Wanna go to sleeeeep

I understand that. Laying in bed with my laptop, DH is snoring, cats are snoring, dogs are snoring. I imagine the kittens are snoring in the laundry as well. Just Ginger is not snoring.

I cheated and had a 3 hour cat nap at 9pm.

I sincerely wish I had thought of that. You're a better woman than I, HOT.

 

[justginger]

Pricescope just told me that I was not allowed to submit a post so soon after submitting another post. Don't they know time is money at 1 am in the middle of a prize competition?!

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Pricescope just told me that I was not allowed to submit a post so soon after submitting another post. Don't they know time is money at 1 am in the middle of a prize competition?!

It did this to me earlier today too.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

The post numbers are crawling.... Wanna go to sleeeeep

I understand that. Laying in bed with my laptop, DH is snoring, cats are snoring, dogs are snoring. I imagine the kittens are snoring in the laundry as well. Just Ginger is not snoring.

I cheated and had a 3 hour cat nap at 9pm.

I sincerely wish I had thought of that. You're a better woman than I, HOT.

Oh I can assure you I am not. I fell asleep with the light on and phone in my hand (I'll just close my eyes for 10 minutes) and I'm really lucky DH woke me when he came to bed at midnight.

 

[chemgirl]

I want to win the 1k prize so badly!

I've been surfing all of the usual suspects' websites all morning dreaming of a little sparkly to call my very own!

 

[Dee*Jay]

I just realized that I forgot to put mascara on today.

 

[Rosebloom]

I just realized that I forgot to put mascara on today.

I just realized that I forgot to wear mascara every day since I had kids.

Oops.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

I just realized that I forgot to put mascara on today.

I just realized that I forgot to wear mascara every day since I had kids.

Oops.

One time I forgot that I had put eyeliner on. Rubbed my eye pretty well. And walked around the mall. Awesome.

 

[Enerchi]

^^^^^^



Racoon eyes!!! That made me laugh!! I've done similar stuff too - tried some funky new (totally not my comfort zone) eye make up look, strutted around like I'm the hottest thing in town, only to realize later that there is some severe SMEEEEEEEEER all over my face from hair line to chin, but I'm thinking people are lookin' at me because I'm "one hot mama"

but actually - they are shielding their children from the monster that is fast approaching!!!

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

^^^^^^



Racoon eyes!!! That made me laugh!! I've done similar stuff too - tried some funky new (totally not my comfort zone) eye make up look, strutted around like I'm the hottest thing in town, only to realize later that there is some severe SMEEEEEEEEER all over my face from hair line to chin, but I'm thinking people are lookin' at me because I'm "one hot mama"

but actually - they are shielding their children from the monster that is fast approaching!!!

Oh Enerchi! You ARE one hot mamma! If I saw you on the street, I would totally hit on you. Women were shielding their husbands from your hotness, not their children.

 

[Enerchi]

.......rrrrIIIIIIIIggghhttt!!! As if!!

(but I like the way that plays out in your version - women being so jealous of me being in the presence of their husbands, knowing my insane female attractiveness must have been set on STUN that day! )

 

[princesss]

I love my friend I love my friend I love my friend.

I do not love when she becomes Bitter Single Lady