How to talk to your kids about Michael Sam

[SB621]

I actually really love Kenny and Dreamer's responses on this thread I really can't comprehend parents who think it is a better idea to put off conversations with children with the excuse of "when they are older..." I'm amazed daily at what my children comprehend and how much they take in. I feel when you aren't willing to discuss a topic it does make it taboo, whether you want it to or not. I would much rather open up discussion with my kids and give age appropriate answers. This way I'm telling my children that they can ask me any question and there is really no topic off limits. Regardless, I'm not trying to be argumentative over the right way to parent, I'm sure I do many things that other parents can't comprehend either (like PDA in public!!!! )

As far as Michael Sam I actually thought it was fabulous! I think he is a great positive role model for many kids out there. I have a real issue with professional sports because to me athletes can be animal abusers, murders, rapist, the list goes on, but we still pay them millions to play for our city/ state teams with pride! It drives me crazy! So if Michael Sam wants to get out there and kiss his boyfriend for being the first openly gay professional football player then Stay Calm and Carry on Kissing Michael Sam!

 

[House Cat]

Yes, the term "age-appropriate" is different for each child. I, too, follow my children's lead. For example, we have a very large walk-in shower and when my kids were young, my husband or I would sometimes just throw them in the shower with us (we are pretty open about nudity). We have sons and daughters so we wondered at what age the showering may no longer be age-appropirate (in terms of a father showering with his daughter or mother showering with son). One day, my DH said that father/daughter showers were over because she looked over at him, pointed, and started asking detailed questions about his male parts (vs. her female parts). The same thing happened with my son not long after (he started asking me questions in the shower about my body vs. his). It's when it started to become slightly awkward that we knew it was not longer age-appropriate. You follow the child's lead and learn as you go.

Explaining homosexuality does not mean that you have to give your child a play by play of what actually goes on in their bedroom.


It has been my very recent experience that kids talk about sex on the playground long before the age of 8 or 9. If you haven't explained sex or homosexuality to them by this age, then you are allowing the children on the playground to do it. If you are comfortable with that fact, the so be it.

Expert guidelines say that the age of 6-7 is when parents should give the sex talk. Now, that might not be when YOU are comfortable giving the sex talk, but that is when everyone ELSE is giving it. Keep that in mind when your children are playing on the playground. Information IS being passed. The children DO tell one another about sex. This is probably WHY your child asked you about sex. He wanted clarification from you because he was confused.

You say you follow your children's lead but you refused to follow your son's lead the day he asked you how babies are made....

And maybe that is the point of this conversation, like it or not, our society is changing. If you don't want erroneous information passed to your children or if you want to be the first person to give this kind of information to your children in a sensitive and well thought out way, then you must have these conversations with your children in a timely manner. We can't stop the change in society and we can't delay the information from reaching our children in one way or another. If you aren't the first person to teach your child about it and they learn it on the playground, they may think that it IS taboo to you...

I certainly did when I learned about sex from friends before I learned about it from my parents. Especially when my parents were so nervous when they finally did teach me about it, many years after I had already been told about it from giggling girls in the bathroom and disgusting little boys on the playground.

This is just another something to think about. I am certainly not invested one way or another in what you do with your children, but I am willing to bet that they have heard plenty already. The real question you want to ask yourself is, do you want these sorts of subjects to be tender talks, influenced by you, their parent or do you want them to be damage control?

 

[Dancing Fire]

Luckily for us we didn't have to answer Qs about Michael Sam to our daughters.

 

[monarch64]

HouseCat, I agree. Once you tell a child "we'll have that discussion when you're old enough" you've made the subject forbidden and all the much more enticing. And at that point your child knows it's not ok to ask you questions. But they will sure as heck get the information from whatever source WILL talk about it, and that is often peers who probably don't have the correct information.

I started having questions as soon as I started Catholic school in first grade. There is a ton of sexual stuff in religion. A TON.

 

[chrono]

Luckily for us we didn't have to answer Qs about Michael Sam to our daughters.

That's because it was considered taboo to even whisper about it back then. Everything was covered up aka kept in the closet. Homosexuals did not dare to kiss openly for fear of being even more ostracized than they already were. It was very much a "don't ask, don't tell" mentality.

 

[ame]

I actually really love Kenny and Dreamer's responses on this thread I really can't comprehend parents who think it is a better idea to put off conversations with children with the excuse of "when they are older..." I'm amazed daily at what my children comprehend and how much they take in. I feel when you aren't willing to discuss a topic it does make it taboo, whether you want it to or not. I would much rather open up discussion with my kids and give age appropriate answers. This way I'm telling my children that they can ask me any question and there is really no topic off limits. Regardless, I'm not trying to be argumentative over the right way to parent, I'm sure I do many things that other parents can't comprehend either (like PDA in public!!!! )

As far as Michael Sam I actually thought it was fabulous! I think he is a great positive role model for many kids out there. I have a real issue with professional sports because to me athletes can be animal abusers, murders, rapist, the list goes on, but we still pay them millions to play for our city/ state teams with pride! It drives me crazy! So if Michael Sam wants to get out there and kiss his boyfriend for being the first openly gay professional football player then Stay Calm and Carry on Kissing Michael Sam!

Hear hear! I think it was Jon Stewart that did the best bit on calling that out.

 

[ame]

HouseCat, I agree. Once you tell a child "we'll have that discussion when you're old enough" you've made the subject forbidden and all the much more enticing. And at that point your child knows it's not ok to ask you questions. But they will sure as heck get the information from whatever source WILL talk about it, and that is often peers who probably don't have the correct information.

I started having questions as soon as I started Catholic school in first grade. There is a ton of sexual stuff in religion. A TON.

I was questioning everything about religion and the "well if santa and the easter bunny don't exist then neither does this god creature you keep rambling about" by about 1st grade too. You can gather that went over well at catholic school.

 

[Puppmom]

I agree with Dreamer’s sentiments exactly. Being gay/straight isn’t really a “thing” for me. I do realize though that most of the relationships my children encounter in their early life will be man/woman or, in their mind, mommy/daddy relationships. So, as with anything they don’t come across all the time, same sex relationships will have to be addressed so they understand that it’s okay and normal.

I don’t really dig public make outs but that's my problem and I don’t consider what they did a make out. I watched the draft and just about every young man who was drafted hugged and kissed multiple people including women who appeared to be their girlfriends. It was all shown on live TV and no one said anything. So…the “Michael Sam kiss” didn’t phase me but when I saw him drafted, my heart did go a flutter a little. I mean, come on…what he did was brave! Being gay IS okay and it IS normal but he’s entering into a world where a lot of people disagree or are uncomfortable. I applaud him for that.

 

[monarch64]

HouseCat, I agree. Once you tell a child "we'll have that discussion when you're old enough" you've made the subject forbidden and all the much more enticing. And at that point your child knows it's not ok to ask you questions. But they will sure as heck get the information from whatever source WILL talk about it, and that is often peers who probably don't have the correct information.

I started having questions as soon as I started Catholic school in first grade. There is a ton of sexual stuff in religion. A TON.

I was questioning everything about religion and the "well if santa and the easter bunny don't exist then neither does this god creature you keep rambling about" by about 1st grade too. You can gather that went over well at catholic school.

Well, "what is a virgin" and "what is conception and what does immaculate mean" just happened to occur to me around that time as well. I mean Madonna was on the radio talking about being touched for the very first time, Michael Jackson was grabbing his crotch in suggestive thrusts...wee bit of confusion in my little developing mind.

 

[momhappy]

Yes, the term "age-appropriate" is different for each child. I, too, follow my children's lead. For example, we have a very large walk-in shower and when my kids were young, my husband or I would sometimes just throw them in the shower with us (we are pretty open about nudity). We have sons and daughters so we wondered at what age the showering may no longer be age-appropirate (in terms of a father showering with his daughter or mother showering with son). One day, my DH said that father/daughter showers were over because she looked over at him, pointed, and started asking detailed questions about his male parts (vs. her female parts). The same thing happened with my son not long after (he started asking me questions in the shower about my body vs. his). It's when it started to become slightly awkward that we knew it was not longer age-appropriate. You follow the child's lead and learn as you go.

Explaining homosexuality does not mean that you have to give your child a play by play of what actually goes on in their bedroom.


It has been my very recent experience that kids talk about sex on the playground long before the age of 8 or 9. If you haven't explained sex or homosexuality to them by this age, then you are allowing the children on the playground to do it. If you are comfortable with that fact, the so be it.

Expert guidelines say that the age of 6-7 is when parents should give the sex talk. Now, that might not be when YOU are comfortable giving the sex talk, but that is when everyone ELSE is giving it. Keep that in mind when your children are playing on the playground. Information IS being passed. The children DO tell one another about sex. This is probably WHY your child asked you about sex. He wanted clarification from you because he was confused.

You say you follow your children's lead but you refused to follow your son's lead the day he asked you how babies are made....

And maybe that is the point of this conversation, like it or not, our society is changing. If you don't want erroneous information passed to your children or if you want to be the first person to give this kind of information to your children in a sensitive and well thought out way, then you must have these conversations with your children in a timely manner. We can't stop the change in society and we can't delay the information from reaching our children in one way or another. If you aren't the first person to teach your child about it and they learn it on the playground, they may think that it IS taboo to you...

I certainly did when I learned about sex from friends before I learned about it from my parents. Especially when my parents were so nervous when they finally did teach me about it, many years after I had already been told about it from giggling girls in the bathroom and disgusting little boys on the playground.

This is just another something to think about. I am certainly not invested one way or another in what you do with your children, but I am willing to bet that they have heard plenty already. The real question you want to ask yourself is, do you want these sorts of subjects to be tender talks, influenced by you, their parent or do you want them to be damage control?

I guess that I'm a lithe confused about some of the responses here (yours included) I mean, I could understand if my opinions were vastly different from most, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
When asked by my preschoolers, "why does so and so have two mommies?" and me replying, "because some families have two mommies", how is that any different from the simple answer about "a special hug" when she was asked about reproduction?
I never said that we DON'T talk about things - we are not some prudish, militant family that is hush-hush about certain things. What I did say, however, is that I feel that explaining (and the word "explaining" is a key word here) certain subjects can/should be handled in an age-approrpiate manner. The title of this thread is implies that parents need to have a detailed conversations (or explanation) with their children about homosexuality and my response was that there is an age-appropriate time for a detailed dialogue and/or explanation of the subject. Am I going to sit my immature second-grader down and explain homosexuality? Nope. Would I answer a simple "Why are two men kissing?" from that same child with a simple statement answer (like, "because they love each other")? Yes, but if more detailed questions followed (as they often do), then I'd likely offer up the "when you're older" response.
My main issue (if you could cal it that - it's not really an issue, maybe more of an observation) about this thread is that it gets old when people tell people how to parent (especially when the "advice" comes from those without children - and that's not directed at anyone in particular, it's just a general opinion). As parents, our jobs are hard enough. We don't need people telling us that we are doing this wrong or that wrong - there's enough pressure as it is to raise decent, thoughtful, caring human beings. I don't have all the answers and quite honestly, I have no idea how or when to handle complex questions regarding adults relationships, sex, etc. My kids are young and it feels like we are nowhere near crossing that bridge yet (heck, they still play with Pokemon cards and have beds full of stuffed animals). I respect the fact that each family should make choices that are right for them.
I guess since I haven't made myself clear here, I've probably said all I need to say (and then some)

 

[Dancing Fire]

Momhappy...I agree with you on this topic...

 

[purplesparklies]

Well, my son and I survived the talk. I was curious if I was wrong in my assumption that he was completely naive about all of this. The overwhelming tone of the responses in this thread indicated that my child would know more that I think and he would have already heard things from his friends, etc. He was very quiet after we talked. I asked if he knew some of this already or if he was surprised at what I told him. He said he was very surprised. He had no idea.

I realize that many 12-year old children are likely to have heard things from friends. However, that is not always the case. Just as these threads have clearly demonstrated that we are all very different as adults, children are very different as well. There is no one set of rules for childhood. Their experiences are all very different. As for my children, it is important to me to do what I can to preserve the experience of innocence and childhood. I do want them to grow and develop as appropriate but I do not want them to be forced to deal with issues before they are ready.

So, I felt it was appropriate to have a frank and honest discussion with my 12-year old about some of these topics. It will be awhile yet before it is appropriate to have a similar discussion with my 9-year old. No one knows their child better than their parent(s). Period. The fact that parents are even discussing these topics on here tells me that our kids are ahead of the game. They are fortunate to have parents who truly give thoughtful consideration to the impact their decisions have on the kids. All of us are doing the best we can with the knowledge we have about our kids as individuals. They develop at different rates and there is no one right or wrong answer as to how to raise children.

 

[JaneSmith]

Am I going to sit my immature second grader down and explain homosexuality? Nope.

Hang on a minute ...

Would I answer a simple "Why are two men kissing" from that same child with a simple statement answer (like, "because they love each other")? Yes.

Congratulations, you've just explained homosexuality.

 

[momhappy]

Am I going to sit my immature second grader down and explain homosexuality? Nope.

Hang on a minute ...

Would I answer a simple "Why are two men kissing" from that same child with a simple statement answer (like, "because they love each other")? Yes.

Congratulations, you've just explained homosexuality.

I thought that I tried to address this before - I don't consider that an explanation, I consider it a simple statement. I consider an explanation to be the process in which you make something easy to understand and/or clear. I have already mentioned that I have offered my kids basic statements on certain topics, which have led to more detailed questions from my children, that have been answered with a we'll-talk-when-you're-older response by me. Again, not all that different than some of the other opinions/comments/thoughts offered in this thread, but for some reason, my posts were often responded to (maybe because I wasn't making myself clear?).
Also, the one thing that I find interesting is that if this thread had never been started, I would have never even known about the kiss. I have yet to hear or see a single news story about it and it's not like I live under a rock (I read the local paper, I'm on the internet, I watch news, etc.). Maybe not such a big news event after all? Or maybe it's because I don't follow sports?