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How much $ is given at weddings these days?

I live on Long Island and most of my friends married in their mid 20's. We were the first of our group to get married and gifts from friends and family ranged from 100-500 per couple. These were all cash wedding gifts, not including actual "shower" gifts, those were mostly around 50-100. Since we were the first to get married it made it easier for us going to subsequent weddings, we basically gave what we got with a few changes here and there. I would personally never base my gift to a couple based on what I think they were spending on their wedding. To this day the biggest wedding gift we have given (500) was to a couple that got married at city hall. They are very close friends who were very generous to us when we got married. Since they didn't have a "wedding" we didn't have to rent a tux or any of the other stuff if we were in the wedding so we gave a nice gift. They had also just bought and were remodeling a house and we knew the money would go to good use. It's all situational for me.
 
Asscherhalo_lover|1364945211|3418909 said:
I live on Long Island and most of my friends married in their mid 20's. We were the first of our group to get married and gifts from friends and family ranged from 100-500 per couple. These were all cash wedding gifts, not including actual "shower" gifts, those were mostly around 50-100. Since we were the first to get married it made it easier for us going to subsequent weddings, we basically gave what we got with a few changes here and there. I would personally never base my gift to a couple based on what I think they were spending on their wedding. To this day the biggest wedding gift we have given (500) was to a couple that got married at city hall. They are very close friends who were very generous to us when we got married. Since they didn't have a "wedding" we didn't have to rent a tux or any of the other stuff if we were in the wedding so we gave a nice gift. They had also just bought and were remodeling a house and we knew the money would go to good use. It's all situational for me.


Thanks Asscher. That helps. The friends who are getting married are doing so in Long Island though they live in Manhattan. It definitely sounds like $400 cash would be a respectable gift. I'm not giving $500 because we're not good friends and it would be overboard. I don't want to give $300 because it seems like that may be too little given this situation. I agree that each couple/wedding should be judged on its own merits so may differ a bit.
 
kenny|1364785167|3417718 said:
rubyshoes|1364784397|3417712 said:
I didn't give any suggestion but felt the need to just second Kenny's thoughts. Meh, I'll get flamed for this, but surely I'm not the only one who feels this way?

Here, Quick!
Rubyshoes, put this flamesuit on. :sun:


I need a flamesuit too as I agree with Rubyshoes! The materialism around weddings is out of control sometimes. I had no bridal shower and no hen party, since all my friends were scattered far and wide and they'd have had to pay for a weekend away for the hen party and again for the wedding, plus gift, outfit, etc. The only bridesmaids were two nieces and my best friend, and a nephew. One niece was 3 and the nephew was 9. So only two adult bridesmaids. In the UK it's common to have a hen/stag do which involves an entire weekend away, sometimes to another country! My friend went to lots of weddings and she had to adopt a policy: that she goes to the hen do or the wedding, but not both. Yes, being a wedding guest can be very expensive, and not everyone is into multiple expensive celebrations - some people would prefer to spend their money another way.

I've noticed an interesting difference between US and UK weddings: In the US it seems that each bridesmaid has to pay for her dress. That isn't the done thing in England AT ALL - If you ask someone to be your bridesmaid, you have to pay for her bridesmaid's dress.

There were about 5 people who attended the wedding who got us nothing at all, and most people who declined didn't get us anything either. But what really annoyed me were the people who attended, who had received the registry information, who had a choice of a traditional list or buying a meaningful charity gift for some poor person in a developing country....go out and do their own sweet thing, buying me a completely random item which I didn't want or need, which didn't go with anything. I don't care about big white weddings so I was pretty laid-back about the whole thing but THAT annoyed me! :angryfire: There was no excuse, our registries had many things starting from five pounds and what's wrong with the charity list if you don't want to buy from the traditional one?
 
I think reciprocity is a nice concept here.
I personally like to pay my plate and a tad more even though it may not be my ideal weekend dinner, but ultimately I am there to support my friend (s) during a special time in their lives and not to be a burden. My circle pays around $100-150 depending on how close to the person. Blood relations can go into a couple hundred or a service.
Yes, I had to pay for a dress, flight, hotel and etc but as a guest/friend/ etc if I can afford it, why not? I care about the people who I go to weddings for! If I have to cut down on bling, so be it. Relationships are worth more.

However, I won't expect my friends to pay their plate and would be comfortable paying out of pocket when the time comes but would appreciate any gift if it comes. In my culture, I expect to pay bridesmaid dresses for the people who I ask esp since I'll be choosing what they wear. This is my way of relieving stress and burden on those who I want to be especially involved and thank them for their support. I remember the $$ I spent on the bridesmaid dress I will never wear again for a friend's wedding. It was more than any other dress I had ever bought...
 
Timely thread, I'm off to a wedding soon. An old friend whom I haven't seen in person in years, so it will be lovely to get together. However, it is costing a pretty penny because of flights, hotel, food, dress, shoes, undergarments ($190! Damn you gravity!), activities for my family on the non-wedding days we are there. So, we are giving them a $150 cheque with a nice card and handwritten note. I'm feeling a bit cheap but not bad enough to up the amount. :sun: If we didn't have to travel, it would be $250. OK, after writing it out, I'm feeling a bit cheap. :? But she is a lovely woman and won't mind a bit. She is just happy we can come. :D
 
I think $150 is more than generous, since you and your family are flying to get there!
 
anne_h|1364754686|3417438 said:
Last year, I was unceremoniously informed by one of my fellow executive MBA students (whom I had asked what he wanted for his upcoming wedding) that ONLY cash was acceptable and that it needed to *at least* cover what they were spending per guest. He left me to figure out how much that might be. lol

I guess this is now normal? It had been awhile since I'd been to a wedding outside of my own family.

This year, one of my sisters is getting married and the invite does say "cash only please" but not how much. LOL!!!!

Anne

OMG, the invitation actually says "cash only please?" Is that for real? :eek:
 
Laila619|1365017810|3419574 said:
anne_h|1364754686|3417438 said:
Last year, I was unceremoniously informed by one of my fellow executive MBA students (whom I had asked what he wanted for his upcoming wedding) that ONLY cash was acceptable and that it needed to *at least* cover what they were spending per guest. He left me to figure out how much that might be. lol

I guess this is now normal? It had been awhile since I'd been to a wedding outside of my own family.

This year, one of my sisters is getting married and the invite does say "cash only please" but not how much. LOL!!!!

Anne

OMG, the invitation actually says "cash only please?" Is that for real? :eek:

I received an e-vite to a wedding that said 'in place of gifts, the couple is asking for cash'..um, no! We didn't attend that wedding, nor did we send a 'gift'.
 
FancyPantsSparkles|1365018318|3419581 said:
Laila619|1365017810|3419574 said:
anne_h|1364754686|3417438 said:
Last year, I was unceremoniously informed by one of my fellow executive MBA students (whom I had asked what he wanted for his upcoming wedding) that ONLY cash was acceptable and that it needed to *at least* cover what they were spending per guest. He left me to figure out how much that might be. lol

I guess this is now normal? It had been awhile since I'd been to a wedding outside of my own family.

This year, one of my sisters is getting married and the invite does say "cash only please" but not how much. LOL!!!!

Anne

OMG, the invitation actually says "cash only please?" Is that for real? :eek:

I received an e-vite to a wedding that said 'in place of gifts, the couple is asking for cash'..um, no! We didn't attend that wedding, nor did we send a 'gift'.

Gah! That is really rude (not you, the e-vite).

You are not supposed to say anything about gifts, and you're especially not supposed to demand your guests give you a certain kind of gift. How greedy and rude!
 
Smith1942|1364945940|3418924 said:
kenny|1364785167|3417718 said:
rubyshoes|1364784397|3417712 said:
I didn't give any suggestion but felt the need to just second Kenny's thoughts. Meh, I'll get flamed for this, but surely I'm not the only one who feels this way?

Here, Quick!
Rubyshoes, put this flamesuit on. :sun:


I need a flamesuit too as I agree with Rubyshoes! The materialism around weddings is out of control sometimes. I had no bridal shower and no hen party, since all my friends were scattered far and wide and they'd have had to pay for a weekend away for the hen party and again for the wedding, plus gift, outfit, etc. The only bridesmaids were two nieces and my best friend, and a nephew. One niece was 3 and the nephew was 9. So only two adult bridesmaids. In the UK it's common to have a hen/stag do which involves an entire weekend away, sometimes to another country! My friend went to lots of weddings and she had to adopt a policy: that she goes to the hen do or the wedding, but not both. Yes, being a wedding guest can be very expensive, and not everyone is into multiple expensive celebrations - some people would prefer to spend their money another way.

I've noticed an interesting difference between US and UK weddings: In the US it seems that each bridesmaid has to pay for her dress. That isn't the done thing in England AT ALL - If you ask someone to be your bridesmaid, you have to pay for her bridesmaid's dress.

There were about 5 people who attended the wedding who got us nothing at all, and most people who declined didn't get us anything either. But what really annoyed me were the people who attended, who had received the registry information, who had a choice of a traditional list or buying a meaningful charity gift for some poor person in a developing country....go out and do their own sweet thing, buying me a completely random item which I didn't want or need, which didn't go with anything. I don't care about big white weddings so I was pretty laid-back about the whole thing but THAT annoyed me! :angryfire: There was no excuse, our registries had many things starting from five pounds and what's wrong with the charity list if you don't want to buy from the traditional one?
?? I don't think you can really get your panties in a bunch because someone got you what they felt like getting you instead of what you recommended they buy you. I got some really strange stuff I don't like and will never use, but hey, that's the giver's prerogative.
 
I've always felt that I wanted to buy someone an item they really wanted, as there didn't seem much point in spending money on something they didn't want.

I also felt that certain places in Africa needed desks in schools for 15 pounds each or clean water for a month for 40 pounds more than I needed a random useless item.

I guess I'm just weird that way. :loopy: I know most people are happy to receive unwanted gifts, no matter how many hours they spent compiling charity and traditional registries with items for all income levels. I know it's also strange to privately mind about that, while writing them a nice thank-you letter anyway. Like I said, I'm weird. :bigsmile:
 
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